Mein Rant: A Summary in Light Verse of Mein Kampf

by R.F. Patterson, W. Heath Robinson (Illustrator)

When Germany invaded Poland on 1st September 1939, to reclaim the land they 'lost' after World War One, many feared that Britain would not honour the pledges of support to Poland they had given throughout 1939. Britain stood alone. France feared a major war, and would not help. The USA would not support Britain. Suddenly Adolf Hitler, with whom Prime Minister Chamberlain had negotiated 'peace in our time', and whom the Defence Secretary had called 'most sincere', was revealed for what he was. As impossible as it might seem to us today, within six months of declaring war, Britain was enduring a shattering and devastating experience. And Britain faced massive loss, and surrender. By May 1940 Winston Churchill, then Prime Minister, was being asked to approve plans to evacuate the Government, Royal Family and the Bank of England's gold to Canada. 200,000 British troops stood on the beaches of Dunkirk, unable to get home, while Churchill bartered with the Americans to send destroyers to help. In the previous six months, children had been evacuated from London and cities; men had been called up and mobilised, and women went to work in munitions factory and did men's jobs for the first time. People knew their lives would never be the same again. And propaganda was rife. Propaganda works best when the enemy is diminished, and portrayed as a manageable entity, certain to be defeated. Much of German propaganda was sinister, especially in the portrayal of Jewish citizens. American propaganda was cautionary and dark. British propaganda, on the other hand, was that the righteous should prevail and that those in the wrong - be they errant schoolboys, bullies, or robbers, or even wartime leaders, should always fail. Rubbishing the enemy, assassinating nasty characters with humorous methods, was a technique people learned from comics. Britain was expert in this area. So enter Heath Robinson, and R F Paterson's "Mein Rant", which we reproduce in this book, with a new introduction by leading comic archivist, Morris Heggie. "Mein Rant" is a clever and funny satire of Hitler's "Mein Kampf", illustrated by Heath Robinson. Today, and since World War One, Heath Robinson's name has been used to describe absurdly complicated inventions that achieved very simple results. Here his work is used to great impact. "Mein Kampf" ('My Struggle'), Hitler's autobiography, was published in two volumes in 1925 and 1926 which Hitler wrote in Landsberg Prison, and R F Paterson said of it: "Mein Kampf" had neither rhyme nor reason, while my abridgement undoubtedly has rhyme. 'A conversion of Hitler's "Mein Kampf" to a delightful and pungent verse-satire. The result is an absolute triumph of the Comic Muse over intractable, almost hopeless material.' The key points: first published February 1940, humour/nostalgia/war, introduction by Morris Heggie, former editor of "The Dandy" and leading comic archivist.

Genres: Humor, Poetry, History

69 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1940

Reviews

[Meaghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I keep telling myself that, with all the Holocaust reading I do, I really ought to bite the bullet and read Mein Kampf . But I never have. I've tried, but it's really badly written and impossible for me to tolerate for more than a chapter or two.

Which is why I'm all the more impressed that R.F. Patterson was able to read the whole thing and then agonize over the rhymes to summarize it in amusing verse! With lines like:

And I decided that at least
I'd be an abbot or a priest.
But my respected parent said,
"You're far too big a dunderhead."

and:

By nature a determined Stoic
I panted after deeds heroic;
When Archduke Francis Ferdinand
Was liquidated, it was grand.

and:

Though half-a-dozen crazy schemers
May pose as Germany's redeemers,
One man alone as gold is rated,
The others are electroplated.

It is thus easy to read and at the same time you understand what the Fuhrer was trying to say. Perhaps I will just give up my attempts to read the real thing, since this version does quite nicely.

I would recommend this to people interested in World War II or the Holocaust, and also to those who like limericks and humor in the style of Will Cuppy and Richard Armour.

A matter of interest: this book was originally published in 1940, when Germany was really pounding hard on the UK. Had the Nazis invaded and conquered Britain -- something that was a distinct possibility at the time of writing -- Mr. Patterson might have found himself in a concentration camp or worse. He was really quite brave in publishing it.

[Rose]

A summary of Mein Kampf, presented in rhyming couplets with illustrations by Heath Robinson. As Patterson notes, “In one respect my epitome has the advantage over the original; the book in its pristine state has neither rhyme nor reason, while my abridgment undoubtedly has rhyme.”.

Some sample quotes:

I underwent a course of cram,
And sat a most unfair exam;
For, though my genius cried aloud,
I ignominiously was ploughed.

[The examiner, the dirty dog,
Was member of a synagogue,
Or else, as I indeed surmise,
Was Mr. Churchill in disguise.:]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The thorny path of life grows smoother
When I reflect on Martin Luther,
And I contrive to feel less sick
When contemplating Frederick.

I soon found out my path to glory
Lay through incessant oratory;
And those who understood my lingo
Were charmed by words in praise of Jingo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our difficulties came about
Through no mere military rout,
Because, as I’ve explained before,
We were not beaten in the war.

Nor were they due, you must confess,
To economic strain and stress
They were indubitably due
To Nature’s sole mistake, the Jew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This half-baked democratic pack
Lays all our woes on Prussia’s back;
Our miseries, in truth, ensue
From not abolishing the Jew.

This nasty Negroid parasite
Affects the Fatherland like blight,
And, in or out of marriage bonds,
Corrupts our guileless platinum blondes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The statesman who is sage and wise
Will not indulge in petty lies,
For if he tells a mighty whopper
His conduct will be far more proper.

If mud is scattered good and thick
Why, some of it is sure to stick;
Mendacity will never fail
When practised on colossal scale.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The whole thing reminds me of Morley and Steinbeck:

"[Man's:] motto seems to be "Even though He slay me, yet will I make fun of Him!"

"There is a quality in the people of Dover that may well be the key to the coming German disaster. They are incorrigibly, incorruptibly unimpressed. The German, with his uniform and his pageantry and his threats and plans, does not impress these people at all."

[Ash Nissen · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who had to read a small-yet-still-too-much portion of the 900+ pages of complete turd that is Mein Kampf last year for a history assignment, this satirical summary was strangely refreshing. Despite the fact it was written with the humour of 80 years ago, I still found myself laughing out loud at multiple points while reading. If you don't feel like wasting your time reading the struggles and angst of a privileged prick but still want to know all about it, I would recommend reading this intelligently written and horrendously engaging book of poetry.

[Galatea · Rating 4 out of 5]

A graciously short summary of one of the worst books of all time.

The wit is standard comedic fare, and as a morale booster in 1940, I'd assume it was toned down a bit for mass consumption, but it does its job well, exposing the contradictions in Nazi ideology from the source.

[Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

since mein kampf is often unreadable, these hilarious versus outline and make fun of the ideas that Hitler wrote in the early 20s.

[Paul Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant; instead of a political rant Britain at a time of national crisis produces a concise summary of Mein Kampf in rhyming couplets to ridicule the monstrous Fuhrer. Thank heaven for humour.