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224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1991


Daddy said, "It's funny how you end up somewhere, and then that's your life."
A thousand times, when the train slowed or stopped, I thought of jumping off. I wanted to die in a ditch. I wanted to disappear. I wanted a different history and geography. In rhythm with the wheels I said I want I want I want I want I stayed on the train.
The sound of the rain was without thunder. It was as constant as the feeling of loss that suddenly I felt inside me, that now I knew had been with me all along, a familiar part of me since the beginning of memory.
I wish this story ended more happily than it actually does. All this happened a long time ago, and now I'm middle-aged and have been going to Don't Drink meetings for a good long while myself. There is a good deal of wreckage in my own past, a family I hurt in the same way my father hurt me, and the same way his father hurt him. I tore my children up as fine as cat's hair, you might say.
We drove on in the darkness for a minute. My father said, "The sign didn't say SLOW, it said OWLS."
So we kept driving and I didn't argue. I listened to the quiet sound of the heater fan. I saw the red eyes of a rabbit on the roadside. I saw the stubble fields.
Then the sign came into view again. My father had been right. The sign said OWLS.
We kept sitting there for a long time. Then my father turned the engine off and rolled down the windows.
Then I heard the owls overhead. I heard the soft centrifugal buffeting of their feathers on the night air. In my mind I counted them and thought that they were many.
And yet I began by saying that these fictions are so much a part of me that I scarcely know which are true and which are not. many times I have claimed that my stories were autobiographical in detail when most assuredly they were not. I wasn’t lying. I thought these things happened to me. I thought I jumped on a freight train and rode many miles. I thought I fished for chickens. I thought I was given a funny sex education lecture.