Kyk, ek sal probeer om so Objektief as moontlik te wees...
Miskien was hierdie boek net nie vir my en my ouderdomsgroep nie... Hierdie boek was ons voorgeskrewe boek vir ons matriek jaar en dit het my regtig nie aangestaan nie.
Mnr. Viljoen, ek het al sensasionele kinderboeke van jou gelees, en ek dink dat jy maar daarby moet hou of eerder probeer verbeter.
Moving over to English:
-I honestly think the plot progression of this book was poorly executed, flashbacks are cliche and are easy to insert into a novel, but that doesn't mean that it will enhance the quality of the novel. I imagine that you intended to elaborate upon the characters' and their respective attributes through the flashbacks, how they were versus how they are now. Unfortunately this made characters stale instead of developing them into complex (and loveable or genuinely resentable) individuals.
-What makes a good book and an author is subjective, however there are some key aspects rooted in objectivity that have enhanced books, and I believe all books must focus on this: EVOKE EMOTION. When I smile at the voiceless pages because the diligent peasant became the liberator of a nation or because the princess finally found her fiance after trekking through cataclysms and abominable landscapes, it isn't because of random whim, it's because the writer actually got me to FEEL for these characters.
-By enhancing relateability through highlighting the characters backgrounds and attributes that make them human or make me love/hate/feel bad for/want to kill/want to cheer for them, you establish a irrevocable character. A person with a life, a goal, hopes, dreams, sorrows and secrets, a genuine ENTITY.
-Eckardt's sadness is hollow and I feel 0 sympathy for him, his father's backstory was shallow and his trauma was sloppily explained. I haven't read the second book, but if a book needs a sequel to enhance it's original, it's a bit sad. I don't need essays upon essays of inner turmoil, short and sweet exist.
-Greg's determination feels spontaneous and alien. His private moments with Eckardt may start deep with relatable family issues, but that's not enough. Why do they make peace after fighting over Nicole, why was Greg se worried? PSYCHOLOGICAL MOTIVATION screams good writing. Why is Nicole the way she is? What are her parental issues? Why doesn't Greg's mother do anything about the abuse? We are left to fill in the gaps, we are left to create 'obvious' reasons for these anomalies- BUT THAT'S THE THING.
Good writing, takes these questions and gives INTERESTING plot thickening reasons to these questions, it even ties these answers into the bigger motif or climax, into the theme. By making the answers non cliche, complex, raw and human, you develop plot, characters and theme AND YOU IMMERSE READERS.
Eg. Nicole is interested in both boys because she feels she gets no love at home, her parents are scientists always busy with some mysterious 'substance'- even when she was little. No one came when she wanted to climb out of her cot in the morning, she always had to sing herself to sleep and prepare her own food. Nicole was a prodigious student at school, genuinely smart, but only because she craved attention via her intellect, but it's never enough, thus she becomes 'tarty' to be an exotic paradox, beautiful AND smart. She misbehaves to get those highs of attention from her parents and so on... She loves both of these boys because she wants to be fought over, because then she'd matter, then she'd have purpose. Not only with this stir more attention but a poly relationship would also be taboo and exotic...
You see? Through a simple "she wants attention" motive, we elaborate it into a beautiful character with great story potential, what is this substance? why did they never come? do they love their daughter at all? Elaborate on the pain little Nicole felt, sensations make it feel human and earn sympathy/empathy. Bringing me to my other point.
-Sensations and senses. How does it feel, smell, look, sound and taste when Greg hacks, compare it with entities- something supernatural- something demonic, delicious sin... YOUR BOOK IS CALLED ONDERWERELD FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.
-I understand this might be a YA or a light novel, but please, that's no excuse to rush it. Even the shortest of stories can earn a fantastic place in history... So no, no excuses for this novel.
-Dialogue: We read the Afrikaans one, I understand 2008: in some world 'Mengels' might be cool taal, but it's not, very cliche and underdeveloped like the rest of those kinds of novels. You can speak your mother tongue fully and still create colloquialisms and funny slang with it, I've heard a lot of pure Afrikaans dialogue with slang unique to the language despite its youth.
-Please also make teens feel like teens, they are young adults and still have so much to experience. Playing the "By the way! They also do drugs!" card is cliche and stale. Yes some teens do drugs and experiment, we all know that, that's stale and cliche, and making it seem like they truly like it is even more poorly developed. Why do they do drugs? Surely they know of the consequences so why continue? How does it feel? Guilt, anger, joy, sorrow? DEVELOP THESE QUESTIONS.
Silent Hill 3's Heather Mason is a great example of the female teenager, yes she's smoked, it was realistic for her to try stuff behind her father's back, but that's not the soul aspect of her character, it's meant to ADD ONTO her core aspect. She is insecure, not in a cliche way of voicing it, she keeps it deep down, etc.
Please try to live yourself into the body of contemporary teens and characters of any age within the given setting. The 'Voelgriep' thing is also underdeveloped, reactions are stale and it isn't noticeably recurring (unless the teachers tell you, and yes it is repeated but its lack of relevance and enhancement make it forgettable)and its presence bears no tangible consequence or fear in the novel
-Lastly, Setting (I would like to say more but I haven't got all day), mono-spatial settings CAN WORK I'm sure. But there's a reason people include multiple, to set the tone and atmosphere. Firstly the settings revolve around the school and it's facilities, but all the descriptions are weak, immerse us into this location with the senses. The other settings like the holiday beach house was also quite fleeting.