Spilt Milk

by Amy Beashel

What if you said the worst thing a mother could say?What if your husband found out about it in the national press?And what if after all that, you didn’t regret it…?‘My life is a tight knot I would like to undo. And, yes, there’s no use crying over spilt milk but, the truth is, I’d rather die than spill any more…’Bea has a husband and daughter. Bea also has an appointment for a termination. Her first child changed everything – her life, her relationship, her identity. Now she has a pregnancy test and a decision to face.This is a story about the women we (think we) know, the choices we make, the friends who stand by us and how the secrets we keep and the words left unsaid can be more dangerous than any lie we tell…

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Feminism, Audiobook, Book Club, Mental Health, Literary Fiction

405 pages, Paperback

First published March 2, 2023

Reviews

[Natalie M · Rating 4 out of 5]

Real, raw, and confronting.

A book, I believe, will be interpreted (and rated) differently based on the reader’s gender, life experience, parenthood and culture. Brutal in nature, important in message, honest in values and beliefs.

The challenge motherhood poses is explored on so many levels and I found myself agreeing with much of Beashel’s characters inner conflicts.

Bold and interesting.

[Sandy Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Motherhood and its trials and tribulations laid bare. Bea is a mother who loves her daughter Mabel. It's a story of friendships and relationships, and the split of household chores. Bea writes a blog, a teacher who longs to be an event planner who is struggling, with an unwanted pregnancy thrown into the mix. She has an abortion without telling her husband who finds out via the unplanned publishing of her blog. It's real and raw, I recommend this book for mothers and mothers to be. Relatable revealing motherhood in all its glory. "I love you, Mabel, but......" Superbly written, thought-provoking, raw, honest, and an exceptionally written book, tackling taboo subjects. A simple thank you from me.

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actual rating: 4.5 stars

"If I've learned anything in the past few months, Mabel, it's that mothers, like everyone, are learning as we go."

Bea is struggling to find any joy in motherhood. She loves her daughter, Mabel, but when she discovers she's pregnant for a second time, she can't face the endless to-do list or losing herself even more. Accidentally voicing all her disappointments and regrets to her blog, where her husband also reads about the termination for a baby he never knew about. Bea is now forced to decide what she wants from her life and how she came to feel this way.

This is such a painfully relatable and reflective read! The way Bea feels about motherhood is raw and honest and true! You can love being a mother. You can love the little human you have created and grew, but... there is always allowed to be a but in that sentence. It's ok to feel things that people don't expect of you. The expectations placed on new mothers are too great, too big for them to bear. This book shines a light on the worldwide over expectation of women, forcing themselves to lose themselves when they become a mother, instead of becoming "__'s mum" instead of having their own identity. And this alone is why every parent; pregnant, adopting, new parents, parents of older children, and people who don't even know if they want children, need to read this book.

On top of this, the whole story is woven through with reflections to Bea's last days with her mother, while pregnant with Mabel. She reflects on these and finds the sense of loss of her own mother while becoming a mother herself. This creates the connection of the important relationship between a mother and her daughter throughout her life, but especially in the transition to motherhood. They say it takes a village to raise a baby, but sometimes, it just requires one person, your own mum.

This book is a beautiful exploration of why it's ok to not feel as you expected to. It's ok to have regrets. But also, how to face these head on and voice these feelings rather than hide behind them for too long.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I liked the ideas and points the author trys to put across in Spilt Milk, ultimately I didn't really gel with the conversational, second person writing style. By addressing the reader as if we are Mabel, Bea's daughter, I felt like a lot of the story is lost. I also didn't like the way the story flipped into memories from sentence to sentence without any preamble, looking back at Bea's past and her changing relationship with her husband and friends. It made it difficult to keep on top of what was going on.

I also wasn't particularly taken with Bea herself. I totally related to her dilemma, her choice and why she makes those decisions, at times I also found her to be a push over. So many times I wanted her to speak her truth, but instead she spends a lot of time apologising.

So many valid points here, from a side of motherhood that's often never spoken about, but I just really didn't like the writing style.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn't sure about the way this one read to start with but I really loved it. I'm not a mother so have absolutely no experience with a large part of the subject matter, but we absolutely need to stop shaming women for having perfectly valid, normal feelings.
Thank you to Amy Beashel for writing so eloquently about abortion and normalising it, I've seen it briefly mentioned in books before but never to this extent, and it was so so refreshing.
Full of strong women and highlighting the importance of supporting each other, and that nothing is ever black and white.
Honestly there was a point I teared up in this book. I hope this starts a genuine discussion, what a wonderful read.

[Marcia Arguelles · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book everyone needs to own and read at least once in their lifetime.

[Stephen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Took awhile to get into this book felt it was average

[Louisa Reid · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an important and brilliantly written novel about women's right to choose. Exploring the complexities of motherhood and family, this frighteningly intelligent book is a truly gripping read. Not only that, it'll make you cry. I love this writer.

[Philip Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the most moving and thought-provoking book I have ever read.

A book about motherhood on the face of it but so, so, so much more. The majority of readers will probably be female but I implore any men (especially husbands) to read this too.

Amy wonderfuly explores what it is to be a mother, a wife and a husband. The small nuances of a relationship that are so important but often not really highlighted come to light with Amy's amazing words.

This book will no doubt be a best seller and no doubt solicit very different reactions in it's readers based on the lens they view it by. I can't wait to hear more conversations and debates about this work and the topics explored.

Not just the most moving and thought provoking book I have read but also the best.

I can't wait to see Amy lauded for this amazing piece of work. Incredible.

[Amir · Rating 1 out of 5]

Stopped at 51%. Just awful!

[Carlene Alexander · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was really hard to rate this. I liked bits of it and especially the part I could see which was influenced by Gemma Hartley.
However it really needed a firmer editor - the constant flipping between present and past without a paragraph change, the use of second person style, various unbelievable sections.
I think overall it was disappointing though as there were so many good ideas which simply weren’t developed. If I was the editor I would have insisted on a total rewrite starting from when Bea left London before she was pregnant and when her mother got ill or even from when she met her husband

[Hi…I’m a Bookaholic · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first started reading, I thought from the cover and the blurb, that it was going to be a parody of parenting. However, it turned out to be THE MOST ILLUMINATING READ I HAVE EVER DONE!

Amy manages to put into words feelings I couldn’t describe as a new parent.

I cried while I read this book which I never done. I relived all my struggles in the first phase of motherhood through the FMC and got some comfort all these years later of realising these feelings are natural and that I wasn’t on my own.

I think this should be mandatory reading for ANY PARENT whether thinking of having a baby, adopting, or have been a parent for years like myself.

Amy highlights the importance of loving your child so incredibly BUT…. It’s OK for there to be a ‘but’ in that sentence. She also highlights the importance of realising that by giving your all to your family, but not taking the time to give back to yourself, can lead to detrimental feelings. It’s so easy for the parent at home to take on all those small tasks that when added up become an insurmountable mountain and leads to resentment between loving partners.

It’s a hard read because of how much it made me look inwards and admit how much I struggled in silence. It brought back all those negative feelings and made me see it from another side.

But at the end of this book, Amy managed to bring me understanding and clarity and as a mother, I can’t thank her enough.

ONE OF THE EASIEST 5 STAR REVIEWS I’VE EVER GIVEN!

[Bexx Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be gifted to expectant parents by the nhs and compulsory reading for both parents. Incredible. Raw. Honest. The unspoken truth of motherhood. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Sara Emmerton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This incredible book by Amy Beashel makes for a compulsive and essential read for our "modern" times. Indeed Amy skilfully questions where we actually are in terms of "modern" society and often inflexible perceptions we have of family, and motherhood. I found myself questioning my own assumptions as I travelled alongside Bea on her journey, in a way which didn't detract from the story, but was poignant and meaningful to me nonetheless.

Amy's choice of POV makes for an intimate style, and Bea quickly becomes human and real and immediate to us. Bea is painfully honest at times - particularly with herself - but she is also funny and light particularly in her friendships. The book is as hugely entertaining as it is thought-provoking and stunningly written.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chapter 25 Sherwood book club read

3.5⭐️

A book with so many important and brave themes.

Motherhood, friendship, loss, grief, marriage - and the difficulties each of those bring.

A heartwarming read showing the true super power of Women entrenched in our traditional roles. Challenging those traditions is difficult, VERY difficult, as the author explores. Even in modern society, the taboo conversation about the sacrifices mums make in their journey of motherhood isn’t over yet but I’m just glad Amy Beashel gives us an insight into it.

[Libby · Rating 4 out of 5]

this hit me like a ton of bricks. abortions are a very sensitive topic for me and i will always feel extremely strongly that they are an imperative right to all women. grief is a huge part of this book and i thought it was explained and dealt with really well

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant.

[lostcupofstars · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn’t sure about the tone of this at first, but once I was about 20% in I was really invested in it. An honest and necessary conversation around motherhood and what comes with it. A lot of the issues brought up here are definitely things I’ve thought about before and I don’t even have kids.

The addition of racism wasn’t necessary. It felt like a tick box and it added nothing to the story. It already had some diverse characters and the racism mini storyline was forcing it.

Outside of this though, it was like a heartfelt memoir and I appreciated it. If I ever have kids I’m sure I will think back on this book on the tougher days.

[Nigel Fortescue · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brutal. Bold. Heart-wrenching. Tragic.

A harrowing journey of what happens when individualism trumps everything and people think the “other” is simply a risk to manage or a trouble to overcome.

It’s an exploration of all that is real about motherhood and parenting and marriage. New medicine and cultural change over the last 50 years have allowed us to eradicate all these things from our lives if we choose.

Whether we are the better for it is a matter of great debate. The book paints optimistic outcomes but I was left tearfully pessimistic.

[Ashleigh Blignaut · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yaaasss finally finished this book!!

It wasn’t bad, made some great points. The pacing was just too slow for me. I like when a story is told forwards, and this book was too many flashbacks. Every time the plot started to inch forward, this hoe would look at a mug and have a ten page flash back of her mom and we’d lose all momentum.

[Gemma underwood · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to give it a 4 stars but there was something missing. I loved the premises of the book. Like I want my husband to read it… lots and lots of what Bea is going through rings so true and so close to home… but i was really frustrated with a lot of the characters. Most of them actually. So a solid 3.5 stars I think

[Keira Lambert · Rating 3 out of 5]

'My life is a tight knot I would like to undo. And, yes, there's no use crying over spilt milk but, the truth is, I'd rather die than spill any more”

Spilt Milk is an emotional and thought-provoking story about motherhood. It touches on grief, loss and relationships. The protagonist Bea finds out she is pregnant with her second child and decides that it is best that she has a termination, but she doesn’t tell her partner.

I could really sympathise with Bea throughout this story. It shows how much women are expected to be responsible for as a mother and even as a partner. I myself don’t have any children, so this book made me aware of the difficulty that can come with being a mother. I am sure many mothers can relate to how Bea was feeling throughout the book.

I found many of the characters very unlikeable, especially the protagonist (Bea) and her partner. I found a lot of things that they said and did rather frustrating and really struggled to connect with them at times. I also found the added bit about racism quite unnecessary as there was a lot of life issues already happening - I think the story should’ve stuck to the issues about motherhood. I also found it quite hard to follow with the constant jumping from past to present at random times. The writing didn’t always flow.

Overall, I did enjoy this book and I do recommend it to mothers who are struggling as it shows you are not alone. Postpartum depression is a real thing and I believe it is something that should be talked about more often.

TWs for abortion and racism

[Sarah Clarke · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are some books that stand out in your memory, and I have no doubt that this will be one of those for me. Amy Beashel covers some big topics - grief, motherhood, marriage, friendship - and she doesn't hold back on interrogating conventional thinking. But within the brutal honesty, she adds humour, empathy, kindness and forgiveness. There is so much depth to this story too. Every relationship is nuanced and unique. Every character feels genuine. The narrative weaves in anecdotes so skilfully that it feels like you're almost getting to know the characters in your subconscious. As a mother, I could identify with many aspects of the story, but I don't think you have to be one to appreciate how good this book is.

[TML · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is maybe the best book I have ever read. I picked up this book in a bookstore in Copenhagen and it doesn’t seem that it’s super sold in the states but America NEEDS this book. The internal experience of suffering from a PMAD in the context of systems that claims to be feminist but still has so far to go. This book is so beautifully honest. I was so aware of my own internal impulsive reactions that have also been shaped by systems and structures and need challenging.
Also somehow also delivers beautifully on commenting on racism and grief and LGBTQ relationships.

Maternal mental health is so important and this book is so important.

[Katie Shackleton · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a mother and English teacher (like the protagonist) there was a lot I found I could relate to within this book. A raw and real commentary about motherhood and balancing all the invisible load that comes with it. However, I did find the protagonist frustrating at times with her actions and thoughts. I liked the story it told about grief alongside everything else. There were also many typos and editing issues in my copy which I found distracting at times.

[Beckie Littlewood · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't think I'd enjoy this book, but as soon as the 'spilt milk' moment happened I was glued. I found it a heavy book to read, because I'm constantly stuck in my own head, so when the book was down it was hard to pick back up. As soon as it was back in hand however, I didn't want to put it down. A lot of complaints over the editor failing, but I hardly noticed until I read about the errors.

[billie 🍂 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This might actually be the best book I’ve read all year and I’m mad that it’s taken me this long to finish it. The irony that I finished it 9 months pregnant sitting on a bed in the maternity ward. It’s such a real and refreshing look at motherhood and how actually hide it is. Beashel writes about grief and mental health in such a beautiful way, everyone please read this book.

[Lisa Large · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thought provoking read covering the dangers of honesty in social media, grief, the chasm between the sexes when it cones to parental responsibility and what happens when a woman exercises her right to make decisions on her body.
A brave piece of writing that every woman (and man) should read

[Zainab · Rating 5 out of 5]

cried so many times 💔 “but the thing is when you’re someone’s child, you never stop being someone’s child. Your connection to them is always about you.”

[Megin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes. Yes to books about emotional labour and invisible labour. Yes.
I like the writing style, as if it's one big letter. But sometimes it gets a bit messy. Though I guess that works with the topic.