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STFU: The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut in a World That Won’t Stop Talking
Our noisy world has trained us to think that those who get in the last word win, when in fact it’s those who know how to stay silent who really hold the power. STFU is a book that unlocks this power and will change your life, freeing you to focus on what matters. Lyons combines leading behavioral science with actionable advice on how to communicate with intent, think critically, and open your mind and ears to the world around you. Talk less, get more. That’s what STFU is all about. Prescriptive, informative, and addictively readable, STFU gives you the tools to become your better self, whether that’s in the office, at home, online, or in your most treasured relationships. Because, after all, what you say is who you are.
268 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 7, 2023
333 people are currently reading
13991 people want to read
About the author
Dan Lyons
7 books91 followersI grew up in Massachusetts, went to University of Michigan for an MFA in Creative Writing. That's where I started writing seriously. My first book was a collection of short stories, followed by two novels. Then I switched to non-fiction. I've been a journalist for most of my career. My wife and I have two teenage kids and we live in the suburbs of Boston.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 364 reviews
February 7, 2025
I just read 272 pages, of which only about 3 were actually helpful. Would NOT recommend this book for what it’s says it is, the title is misleading!!!!
The book is heavily laden with insults hurled at the right wing….WHY? I did not pick this book up to read political insults. I truly wanted valuable information to help myself be a better person, not only for myself but for those around me. I was SO excited to read this “self-help” book and almost immediately fell flat on my face.
Inundated with a lot of fillers - yes, there are lots of resources, lots of quotes…useful? Rarely. Just as I thought I might get something, another letdown. No real instructions, processes, techniques guides or maps. Just another annoying example of how a Democrat made a Republican look stupid, or how a Republican made themselves look stupid, or how only Democrats were provided as shining examples. What I got in this book? A LOT of this authors political opinions. COVID shots? According to the author…You’re an idiot if you thought they weren’t needed..again, WHY IS THIS IN THIS BOOK??
I’m all for talking about this stuff and sharing your opinions, I don’t care which way you lean. I wouldn’t have cared if it was Political parties switched, put it in the right book for Goodness sakes!!
ARC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
The book is heavily laden with insults hurled at the right wing….WHY? I did not pick this book up to read political insults. I truly wanted valuable information to help myself be a better person, not only for myself but for those around me. I was SO excited to read this “self-help” book and almost immediately fell flat on my face.
Inundated with a lot of fillers - yes, there are lots of resources, lots of quotes…useful? Rarely. Just as I thought I might get something, another letdown. No real instructions, processes, techniques guides or maps. Just another annoying example of how a Democrat made a Republican look stupid, or how a Republican made themselves look stupid, or how only Democrats were provided as shining examples. What I got in this book? A LOT of this authors political opinions. COVID shots? According to the author…You’re an idiot if you thought they weren’t needed..again, WHY IS THIS IN THIS BOOK??
I’m all for talking about this stuff and sharing your opinions, I don’t care which way you lean. I wouldn’t have cared if it was Political parties switched, put it in the right book for Goodness sakes!!
ARC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
February 7, 2025
We live in an especially noisy age, and journalist Dan Lyons has had enough. In the first two sentences of this book he doesn’t beat around the bush: He asks that you, the reader, kindly shut the fuck up. In this easy-reading social-science book, Lyons argues that our quality of life would improve and we’d be happier if we resisted what he calls “overtalking.”
STFU is about more than shutting up, though. The problem of overtalking segues naturally into the problem of listening poorly, so this book also confronts that. Most people, even those who think they do, don’t absorb what others say. It’s unfortunate that so many people know the hurt of having some key thing about them or their lives forgotten, sometimes multiple times. Maybe we shouldn’t assume that the forgetting of people’s names is normal and inevitable. Fortunately, because poor listening and overtalking tend to go hand-in-hand, if one is managed, management of the other follows more easily.
The concept of being quiet and listening might seem straightforward. Isn’t it simply: Just don’t open your mouth? The answer is definitely a no. The problem is complex because overtalking and noise touch all parts of life. In conversation most of us can’t wait two beats before saying our piece. We’re self-centered and talk too much about ourselves. Lyons laments that we overtalk at home, in relationships, and at work. Our environment is sensory overload. Background music is inescapable. Screens accost us wherever we look, at gyms, on car dashboards and subways, in elevators—even in chair lifts and gondolas at ski areas. There are more movies and shows than we could ever hope to watch. Our world is severely deprived of silence.
But Lyons shows he’s a realist by recognizing that, unfortunately, our world isn’t going to get quieter. He knows mastering shutting up and listening actively is really difficult. In the beginning it requires a commitment to act better and a constant, conscious effort. Unfortunately, depending on the person (such as those with untreated ADHD), that commitment and effort may be forever necessary.
Lyons’s thesis makes a lot of sense, and each chapter enlightens, but he does have some blind spots. Controversially, he disagrees with talk therapy for marriages in trouble. An admitted overtalker, Lyons saw several marriage counselors with his exasperated wife and found doing so a waste of time. He explains that his marriage improved only when he stopped talking so much. Therefore, in his opinion, this is the winning strategy for all strained marriages, not counseling in which partners talk it out. Lyons embraces Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s advice to “be a little deaf” in marriage and extends that to also being mute. This isn’t an incorrect philosophy—plenty of smaller things are better left unsaid and ignored; listening well only ever strengthens relationships—it’s the speaking in absolutes, the blanket dismissal based solely on his personal experience that’s incorrect. As a counterpoint he devotes page time to the work of psychologist John Gottman—a fervent advocate of talking it out in marriage counseling—but it’s odd that Lyons could familiarize himself with Gottman’s compelling research yet remain so stubborn in his wildly biased personal opinion.
Later, in a section that seems to exist mainly so he can vent, Lyons praises the stiff upper lip of Queen Elizabeth. His point is that a silent and impassive leader is a powerful leader. In his view, quietly stripping Andrew of his title and settling the lawsuit against him without comment says more than an official statement. Regarding those royals who’ve publicly criticized the monarchy, Lyons doesn’t consider that the motivation behind criticism can be to inspire change. To him, it’s the worst kind of “overtalking”: airing of dirty laundry, “spewing opinions,” and “whining.” Silence is a powerful strategy for leaders and anyone in the public eye, and more need to use it, but it can be done to a fault, and in some cases remaining silent only guards a secret that allows dysfunction to persist. I argue that there’s power in silence that’s wielded carefully. A shrewd leader recognizes when it’s prudent to comment and when it’s prudent to stay silent.
Basically, Lyons tends toward black-and-white thinking on this topic: You can never shut up enough or for too long. This raises the question of whether he’s ever interacted with a bad conversationalist. Or understands the concepts of balance and moderation. I’m surprised he didn’t acknowledge the importance of maintaining a healthy back-and-forth in conversation so it feels satisfying and substantial. As with silence in leadership, Lyons doesn’t think about how shutting up in conversation can be done to a fault.
Fortunately, the book has enough of value to outweigh the drawbacks. One of the best parts is its forceful condemnation of social media. The internet calls great attention to how much we can’t control our talking (and then causes more of it with constant dopamine hits when others positively reinforce that overtalking). To bolster this point Lyons explains that pre-internet our lives were quieter, confined as they were to a manageable circle of mostly local contacts. Before travel our lives were quieter still, with a circle of contacts hyper-local and tiny to the point of familial. Now thanks to the internet that circle is gigantic and ever-growing, yet the brain hasn’t evolved to process the noise of so many chatty and highly stimulating interactions. We’re worse off for it.
Where social media is concerned, he endorses a strategy most would consider radical: silence as statement. In a time when countless people overshare their opinions and photos for attention, or express outrage over criticism, there’s power and dignity in restraint and silence. It’s also often more effective, as commenting on one’s personal controversy calls even more attention to it and prolongs it.
The challenge is getting comfortable with social-media disengagement knowing that doing so means being overlooked. Regarding that, Lyons digs (although briefly) into the heart of the matter: that incessant posting of thoughts and photos is a sign of not just insecurity but of a primal need to feel like one’s existence matters. The internet highlights people’s inability to shut the fuck up, but it advertises in big, flashing lights a wide-spread fear of feeling unimportant.
Conquering that fear is well worth it, though. Numerous studies have proven that for most people social media is more damaging than beneficial. We’re sadder, angrier, more anxious, and more pessimistic after using it. Viewing upsetting content and judging our lives against others’ highlight reels is pointed to as the reason for this, but could refusal to shut up online play a large role? Lyons would probably say yes. Quoting Peter Sagal, host of the Wait Wait . . . Don't Tell Me! game show on National Public Radio, Lyons writes, “You will and have regretted many tweets. You will never regret not tweeting.”
STFU is about cultivating healthy relationships of all sorts. Lyons was motivated to write this book because he found stopping his own overtalking and listening actively to be life-changing. He’s happier overall and more comfortable with himself, and he wishes this for his reader. There’s discomfort at first, as our default seems to be to overtalk and to only half listen, but if we can sit with the discomfort and cultivate a habit of shutting up, happiness follows.
NOTE: I received this as an advance finished copy from LibraryThing in March 2023.
STFU is about more than shutting up, though. The problem of overtalking segues naturally into the problem of listening poorly, so this book also confronts that. Most people, even those who think they do, don’t absorb what others say. It’s unfortunate that so many people know the hurt of having some key thing about them or their lives forgotten, sometimes multiple times. Maybe we shouldn’t assume that the forgetting of people’s names is normal and inevitable. Fortunately, because poor listening and overtalking tend to go hand-in-hand, if one is managed, management of the other follows more easily.
The concept of being quiet and listening might seem straightforward. Isn’t it simply: Just don’t open your mouth? The answer is definitely a no. The problem is complex because overtalking and noise touch all parts of life. In conversation most of us can’t wait two beats before saying our piece. We’re self-centered and talk too much about ourselves. Lyons laments that we overtalk at home, in relationships, and at work. Our environment is sensory overload. Background music is inescapable. Screens accost us wherever we look, at gyms, on car dashboards and subways, in elevators—even in chair lifts and gondolas at ski areas. There are more movies and shows than we could ever hope to watch. Our world is severely deprived of silence.
But Lyons shows he’s a realist by recognizing that, unfortunately, our world isn’t going to get quieter. He knows mastering shutting up and listening actively is really difficult. In the beginning it requires a commitment to act better and a constant, conscious effort. Unfortunately, depending on the person (such as those with untreated ADHD), that commitment and effort may be forever necessary.
Lyons’s thesis makes a lot of sense, and each chapter enlightens, but he does have some blind spots. Controversially, he disagrees with talk therapy for marriages in trouble. An admitted overtalker, Lyons saw several marriage counselors with his exasperated wife and found doing so a waste of time. He explains that his marriage improved only when he stopped talking so much. Therefore, in his opinion, this is the winning strategy for all strained marriages, not counseling in which partners talk it out. Lyons embraces Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s advice to “be a little deaf” in marriage and extends that to also being mute. This isn’t an incorrect philosophy—plenty of smaller things are better left unsaid and ignored; listening well only ever strengthens relationships—it’s the speaking in absolutes, the blanket dismissal based solely on his personal experience that’s incorrect. As a counterpoint he devotes page time to the work of psychologist John Gottman—a fervent advocate of talking it out in marriage counseling—but it’s odd that Lyons could familiarize himself with Gottman’s compelling research yet remain so stubborn in his wildly biased personal opinion.
Later, in a section that seems to exist mainly so he can vent, Lyons praises the stiff upper lip of Queen Elizabeth. His point is that a silent and impassive leader is a powerful leader. In his view, quietly stripping Andrew of his title and settling the lawsuit against him without comment says more than an official statement. Regarding those royals who’ve publicly criticized the monarchy, Lyons doesn’t consider that the motivation behind criticism can be to inspire change. To him, it’s the worst kind of “overtalking”: airing of dirty laundry, “spewing opinions,” and “whining.” Silence is a powerful strategy for leaders and anyone in the public eye, and more need to use it, but it can be done to a fault, and in some cases remaining silent only guards a secret that allows dysfunction to persist. I argue that there’s power in silence that’s wielded carefully. A shrewd leader recognizes when it’s prudent to comment and when it’s prudent to stay silent.
Basically, Lyons tends toward black-and-white thinking on this topic: You can never shut up enough or for too long. This raises the question of whether he’s ever interacted with a bad conversationalist. Or understands the concepts of balance and moderation. I’m surprised he didn’t acknowledge the importance of maintaining a healthy back-and-forth in conversation so it feels satisfying and substantial. As with silence in leadership, Lyons doesn’t think about how shutting up in conversation can be done to a fault.
Fortunately, the book has enough of value to outweigh the drawbacks. One of the best parts is its forceful condemnation of social media. The internet calls great attention to how much we can’t control our talking (and then causes more of it with constant dopamine hits when others positively reinforce that overtalking). To bolster this point Lyons explains that pre-internet our lives were quieter, confined as they were to a manageable circle of mostly local contacts. Before travel our lives were quieter still, with a circle of contacts hyper-local and tiny to the point of familial. Now thanks to the internet that circle is gigantic and ever-growing, yet the brain hasn’t evolved to process the noise of so many chatty and highly stimulating interactions. We’re worse off for it.
Where social media is concerned, he endorses a strategy most would consider radical: silence as statement. In a time when countless people overshare their opinions and photos for attention, or express outrage over criticism, there’s power and dignity in restraint and silence. It’s also often more effective, as commenting on one’s personal controversy calls even more attention to it and prolongs it.
The challenge is getting comfortable with social-media disengagement knowing that doing so means being overlooked. Regarding that, Lyons digs (although briefly) into the heart of the matter: that incessant posting of thoughts and photos is a sign of not just insecurity but of a primal need to feel like one’s existence matters. The internet highlights people’s inability to shut the fuck up, but it advertises in big, flashing lights a wide-spread fear of feeling unimportant.
Conquering that fear is well worth it, though. Numerous studies have proven that for most people social media is more damaging than beneficial. We’re sadder, angrier, more anxious, and more pessimistic after using it. Viewing upsetting content and judging our lives against others’ highlight reels is pointed to as the reason for this, but could refusal to shut up online play a large role? Lyons would probably say yes. Quoting Peter Sagal, host of the Wait Wait . . . Don't Tell Me! game show on National Public Radio, Lyons writes, “You will and have regretted many tweets. You will never regret not tweeting.”
STFU is about cultivating healthy relationships of all sorts. Lyons was motivated to write this book because he found stopping his own overtalking and listening actively to be life-changing. He’s happier overall and more comfortable with himself, and he wishes this for his reader. There’s discomfort at first, as our default seems to be to overtalk and to only half listen, but if we can sit with the discomfort and cultivate a habit of shutting up, happiness follows.
NOTE: I received this as an advance finished copy from LibraryThing in March 2023.
January 8, 2023
I get that the author was conveying in this book that staying quiet in many situations has power. As an introvert, when I remained "quiet" in many situations in my life, that was more often than not, annoying to people.
So I think the author, who never looked at the opposite side which is "be more talkative, because you're not saying enough for me" missed out on this aspect of how people communicate differently. The author was only looking at his perspective, which is being a non stop talker. There are many people out here in the world who get chastised for not saying enough.
But the book's topic did make me feel better about myself in that, it is perfectly fine to not say anything and that there is power in not blurting out just any old thing that pops into my head.
So I think the author, who never looked at the opposite side which is "be more talkative, because you're not saying enough for me" missed out on this aspect of how people communicate differently. The author was only looking at his perspective, which is being a non stop talker. There are many people out here in the world who get chastised for not saying enough.
But the book's topic did make me feel better about myself in that, it is perfectly fine to not say anything and that there is power in not blurting out just any old thing that pops into my head.
October 16, 2022
What a great little read! It clear, concise language backed up with a lot of research (seriously, my favorite kind of book), Dan Lyons bring excellent, eye opening insight into who is an over talker and what the results of overtalking are (note- just don’t do it). He then proceeds to give you five suggestions on how to do that and ends with chapters devoted to practicing listening skills as well. This is the kind of book I see myself reading more than once as a reminder to shut my trap. Really enjoyed it and could not put it down.
![Profile Image for Kelly {SpaceOnTheBookcase].](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.gr-assets.com%2Fimages%2FS%2Fcompressed.photo.goodreads.com%2Fusers%2F1672255572i%2F4799500._UX200_CR0%2C0%2C200%2C200_.jpg&w=128&q=75)
February 25, 2023
For a book that tells you to STFU it really was wordy.
I thought the book could have benefitted from more editing. Also, arranging the chapters in more precise ways. A lot of the antidotes kept referencing past concepts.
This book also relied on insulting others to make their point. While it works when it is self-deprecating, Lyons also takes aim at a lot of celebrities and business executives.
Overall it was okay, not great, and will absolutely rub a lot of people the wrong way.
Thank you Henry Holt for gifting me an ARC to review.
I thought the book could have benefitted from more editing. Also, arranging the chapters in more precise ways. A lot of the antidotes kept referencing past concepts.
This book also relied on insulting others to make their point. While it works when it is self-deprecating, Lyons also takes aim at a lot of celebrities and business executives.
Overall it was okay, not great, and will absolutely rub a lot of people the wrong way.
Thank you Henry Holt for gifting me an ARC to review.
January 7, 2024
In the spirit of STFU: this book is hypocritical.
Dan Lyons spends 200 pages telling us to shut our mouths and expresses about 4 pages worth of real material. He over-simplifies, erroneously extrapolates, sensationalizes, and misinterprets. And don’t get me started on the CEO/business elite ball washing….
However, I do agree that the power of listening is strong and that we could all benefit from reconsidering social media. I think our relationships would improve. But I really really really didn’t need entire paragraphs bashing Prince Harry and doctors set in between paragraphs praising Steve Jobs for being flawless.
Despite the review, thank you to the publisher for sending me a copy for free.
Dan Lyons spends 200 pages telling us to shut our mouths and expresses about 4 pages worth of real material. He over-simplifies, erroneously extrapolates, sensationalizes, and misinterprets. And don’t get me started on the CEO/business elite ball washing….
However, I do agree that the power of listening is strong and that we could all benefit from reconsidering social media. I think our relationships would improve. But I really really really didn’t need entire paragraphs bashing Prince Harry and doctors set in between paragraphs praising Steve Jobs for being flawless.
Despite the review, thank you to the publisher for sending me a copy for free.
August 20, 2025
My thanks to libro.fm and Macmillan Audio for an ALC of this book to listen to and review.
For a book about shutting up, the author sure went on for WAY too long about political things. If I wanted a politically slanted book, I would have purposefully gotten one. At this point, I don't even want echo chamber it has all gotten so old.
Don't you know that you don't discuss politics, religion or women's body autonomy at all, let alone in polite company, at Thanksgiving and in books you are writing and want to not alienate half of your readership, unless those are the specific topics of your books?
This book was a great example of how to NOT shut up effectively.
Also, the narrator was the author and he had HORRIBLE volume control and was not able to stay neutral in tone when discussing things that obviously disgusted him. (He did mention that very little of what we said were the words spoken, but the body language and the tone of voice as we spoke the words. Well, his inability to vocally remain neutral proved that point better than any quote could have. I doubt that was the example he wanted to give for that particular point, but it worked.)
I was messing with the volume CONSTANTLY and then when the political stuff came up, I didn't WANT to hear anymore, so it became a moot point.
I DNF'd at 82% because I just couldn't take it anymore. At first, it was just brief mentions here and there, though one spot around 50% had me nervous. He moved away from the topic, so I breathed a sigh of relief and kept listening. Then in the 70-80% range, he decided to double down and ignore the title of his own book and that's when he lost me.
1, I recommend this book to no one and suggest duct tape over the mouth to be quiet as it would be less painful to take off then reading/listening to this book, star.
For a book about shutting up, the author sure went on for WAY too long about political things. If I wanted a politically slanted book, I would have purposefully gotten one. At this point, I don't even want echo chamber it has all gotten so old.
Don't you know that you don't discuss politics, religion or women's body autonomy at all, let alone in polite company, at Thanksgiving and in books you are writing and want to not alienate half of your readership, unless those are the specific topics of your books?
This book was a great example of how to NOT shut up effectively.
Also, the narrator was the author and he had HORRIBLE volume control and was not able to stay neutral in tone when discussing things that obviously disgusted him. (He did mention that very little of what we said were the words spoken, but the body language and the tone of voice as we spoke the words. Well, his inability to vocally remain neutral proved that point better than any quote could have. I doubt that was the example he wanted to give for that particular point, but it worked.)
I was messing with the volume CONSTANTLY and then when the political stuff came up, I didn't WANT to hear anymore, so it became a moot point.
I DNF'd at 82% because I just couldn't take it anymore. At first, it was just brief mentions here and there, though one spot around 50% had me nervous. He moved away from the topic, so I breathed a sigh of relief and kept listening. Then in the 70-80% range, he decided to double down and ignore the title of his own book and that's when he lost me.
1, I recommend this book to no one and suggest duct tape over the mouth to be quiet as it would be less painful to take off then reading/listening to this book, star.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 23, 2024
This book gave me huge insight on talking and that less is more. It's called the "Strong and silent type" not "Strong and talkative type". I will be taking the words of this book with me for the rest of my life, I am glad I read this. Even the Tao Te Ching has said, "Those who know, don't speak. Those who speak, don't know."
This sealed the deal and made me glad I went ghost on almost all social media platforms. Social media wants us to talk a lot so they can profit off of us and keep the ads moving and income flowing. Their entire business strategy relies on people being sheep and posting as much as possible. Social media promotes a culture of anger and outrage to drive up more posts and create them more money. The good things just aren't profitable or have the appeal like anger and outrage. So while there is a ton of good, only the bad is pushed down our throats for corporations to make more money. This definitely has been wreaking havoc on our society.
10 out of 10 book in the self improvement category
This sealed the deal and made me glad I went ghost on almost all social media platforms. Social media wants us to talk a lot so they can profit off of us and keep the ads moving and income flowing. Their entire business strategy relies on people being sheep and posting as much as possible. Social media promotes a culture of anger and outrage to drive up more posts and create them more money. The good things just aren't profitable or have the appeal like anger and outrage. So while there is a ton of good, only the bad is pushed down our throats for corporations to make more money. This definitely has been wreaking havoc on our society.
10 out of 10 book in the self improvement category
April 29, 2023
...
...oh sorry I was “shutting the f*** up.”
There is no doubt a nugget of truth to what the author says, that we need to talk less and listen more, but that is nothing new. Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
The material was repetitive, and Lyons, despite saying he has worked on changing, still continues to blurt out things even in this book that perhaps were not in his best interest to do so. There are several reviews that make mention of this, and how off-putting those remarks are.
I did enjoy his humor at times, but this book comes across exactly as he describes himself – a talkaholic.
...oh sorry I was “shutting the f*** up.”
There is no doubt a nugget of truth to what the author says, that we need to talk less and listen more, but that is nothing new. Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
The material was repetitive, and Lyons, despite saying he has worked on changing, still continues to blurt out things even in this book that perhaps were not in his best interest to do so. There are several reviews that make mention of this, and how off-putting those remarks are.
I did enjoy his humor at times, but this book comes across exactly as he describes himself – a talkaholic.
October 3, 2023
Me gusta la parte en la que habla sobre las redes sociales, sobre todo el desapego hacia ellas, para poder vivir más tranquilos y con más silencio.
Es algo que he puesto en práctica y es agradable ese silencio que nos quitan las RRSS.
La parte que no me ha gustado ha sido casi la del final del libro sobre los métodos que usan los grandes ejecutivos, porque yo personalmente no podría identificarme con ellos, al final somos clases distintas.
Ha sido interesante leerlos, pero sin más.
Es algo que he puesto en práctica y es agradable ese silencio que nos quitan las RRSS.
La parte que no me ha gustado ha sido casi la del final del libro sobre los métodos que usan los grandes ejecutivos, porque yo personalmente no podría identificarme con ellos, al final somos clases distintas.
Ha sido interesante leerlos, pero sin más.
April 22, 2023
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🌶️
Thank you NetGalley, Dan Lyons, and Henry Holt & Co. for this Advanced Reader’s Copy in exchange for an honest review of STFU (coming out tomorrow, March 7th!)
I've seen multiple reviews rating this book low for being too political and anti right-wing. But after reading it, I have no idea what those complaints are referencing. I suppose someone could be upset because a dig was thrown at Alex Jones? The only thing that came close to offending me was the one time it used the term "hillbillies," which is derogatory and classist imo. Otherwise, it seemed to go out of its way to be non partisan.
There's a part about people who were unsuccessful wielding the power of silence. Examples given included both Donald Trump and Joe Biden. There’s a part about how the internet has allowed people to be angry and shout at each other with ease, and it's carried over into real life, too. Examples given were of Karens, conspiracy theorists, and wokesters. There’s also a part that references COVID19 vaccines, which is immediately followed by stating we’ve become so polarized that we can’t have conversations with people on the other side of issues... literally promoting people on both sides speak to each other.
Dan Lyons never promised this book was bias-free. Plus, why is being political an issue anyways? Everything is political, whether we want to believe it or not. Even popular fantasy books frequently touch upon relevant issues, such as facism or racism, and that does not diminish their worth. In fact, it elevates them. Think Parable of the Sower, or The Hunger Games, or Wicked. STFU is nonfiction, so touching upon current affairs makes even more sense, right?
I loved how many sources Lyons used. The e-book made it easy to click on annotations. There were so many that when I reached the end of the book, my Kindle said there was still 2.5 hours left of the book, which was all just the notes. The book took no more than 5 hours to read - quick, easy, and enjoyable.
Ultimately, I didn't agree with everything in this book; for example, I didn't wield the power of silence in this review and kind of ranted instead lol. But I think it was a great read and full of great food for thought. Would definitely recommend :)
For 2023, I’ll be using this rating scale:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I mourned the ending of this journey 🥹
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ really enjoyed and would recommend
⭐️⭐️⭐️ it was fine
⭐️⭐️ I didn’t enjoy this journey
⭐️ I dnf’d or wish I’d dnf’d
🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ this is smutty smutty erotica 🥵
🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ medium burn / heat @ 50% or later
🌶️🌶️🌶️ slow burn / heat @ 75% or later
🌶️🌶️ romantic b plot / closed door / YA romance
🌶️ no romance
🌶️
Thank you NetGalley, Dan Lyons, and Henry Holt & Co. for this Advanced Reader’s Copy in exchange for an honest review of STFU (coming out tomorrow, March 7th!)
I've seen multiple reviews rating this book low for being too political and anti right-wing. But after reading it, I have no idea what those complaints are referencing. I suppose someone could be upset because a dig was thrown at Alex Jones? The only thing that came close to offending me was the one time it used the term "hillbillies," which is derogatory and classist imo. Otherwise, it seemed to go out of its way to be non partisan.
There's a part about people who were unsuccessful wielding the power of silence. Examples given included both Donald Trump and Joe Biden. There’s a part about how the internet has allowed people to be angry and shout at each other with ease, and it's carried over into real life, too. Examples given were of Karens, conspiracy theorists, and wokesters. There’s also a part that references COVID19 vaccines, which is immediately followed by stating we’ve become so polarized that we can’t have conversations with people on the other side of issues... literally promoting people on both sides speak to each other.
Dan Lyons never promised this book was bias-free. Plus, why is being political an issue anyways? Everything is political, whether we want to believe it or not. Even popular fantasy books frequently touch upon relevant issues, such as facism or racism, and that does not diminish their worth. In fact, it elevates them. Think Parable of the Sower, or The Hunger Games, or Wicked. STFU is nonfiction, so touching upon current affairs makes even more sense, right?
I loved how many sources Lyons used. The e-book made it easy to click on annotations. There were so many that when I reached the end of the book, my Kindle said there was still 2.5 hours left of the book, which was all just the notes. The book took no more than 5 hours to read - quick, easy, and enjoyable.
Ultimately, I didn't agree with everything in this book; for example, I didn't wield the power of silence in this review and kind of ranted instead lol. But I think it was a great read and full of great food for thought. Would definitely recommend :)
For 2023, I’ll be using this rating scale:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I mourned the ending of this journey 🥹
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ really enjoyed and would recommend
⭐️⭐️⭐️ it was fine
⭐️⭐️ I didn’t enjoy this journey
⭐️ I dnf’d or wish I’d dnf’d
🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ this is smutty smutty erotica 🥵
🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ medium burn / heat @ 50% or later
🌶️🌶️🌶️ slow burn / heat @ 75% or later
🌶️🌶️ romantic b plot / closed door / YA romance
🌶️ no romance
May 2, 2023
Very disappointed. I don't know if the second chapter was some sort of long ass meta joke about verbal diarrhea, but if it was, it just turned me off rather than giving me food for thought. I ALREADY KNOW blabbering on like a dipshit is bad -- How do I and other people stop it?
I didn't make it past that, so if he turned around in Chapter 3 and was like "that was a all a test!" well, more fool me.
I didn't make it past that, so if he turned around in Chapter 3 and was like "that was a all a test!" well, more fool me.
October 5, 2023
Maybe the author needs to take his own advice and STFU. He side tracks on several occasions to express his “political opinions” and make nasty comments about people who don’t deserve it. Ironically, he rambled about nonsense and insults that don’t add value or contribute to the topic. I forced myself to finish this book. The last few chapters were okay. I wouldn’t recommend this one.
November 11, 2023
This book was way too long for the message it’s supposed to convey. The less you say, the smarter you appear. End of story. The author preaches saying less, while at the same time rambling on and on about keeping quiet. Why drag it on for several hours?
February 21, 2025
Tylos galia. Kalbėjimas sidabras ir ne tik tylėjimas auksas o ir ši knyga aukso vertės. Tai knyga pakeičianti mąstymą, atverianti akis ir lb daug peno duodanti. Kas skaito angliškai- nuoširdžiai rekomenduoju šią brangenybių dėžutę pavadinimu - STFU: The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut
May 19, 2025
loved - except I tried to practice my Anna Wintour silent but deadly in the workplace technique today but my coworkers are so poor at communicating I’m forced to talk too much to get anything done
July 15, 2023
First DNF due to quality in a very long time. For a book about the importance of shutting up, this guy rambles on forever like middle schooler trying to hit a word count for an assignment. Had high hopes and was very disappointed
June 6, 2023
In STFU, Dan Lyons explores the various benefits of talking less and listening more, and offers his strategies for achieving the right amount of shutting the @#$% up. An admitted over-talker, Lyons also shares how talking less has helped him become a better spouse, parent, friend, and colleague.
This was a little unfocused--maybe too ambitious--but it's hard to argue with the central idea that talking less would probably be good for the vast majority of us. I hadn't expected Lyons to examine social media posting and commenting as forms of over-talking, but it makes perfect sense. I think most of us would be happier if we seized that particular opportunity to STFU.
I'm not really an over-talker, and yet...I do end up regretting a fair amount of what I say. After reading this book, I'm convinced I could stand to STFU a little more. I was most intrigued by Lyons's discussion of shutting up as a parent (particularly of teens), letting silences hang, leaving space for kids to open up, process, feel heard, and ultimately, solve their own problems. I was also pretty interested in the value of shutting the @#$% up as a power play, especially at work. I plan to jump on that STFU opportunity ASAP.
This was a little unfocused--maybe too ambitious--but it's hard to argue with the central idea that talking less would probably be good for the vast majority of us. I hadn't expected Lyons to examine social media posting and commenting as forms of over-talking, but it makes perfect sense. I think most of us would be happier if we seized that particular opportunity to STFU.
I'm not really an over-talker, and yet...I do end up regretting a fair amount of what I say. After reading this book, I'm convinced I could stand to STFU a little more. I was most intrigued by Lyons's discussion of shutting up as a parent (particularly of teens), letting silences hang, leaving space for kids to open up, process, feel heard, and ultimately, solve their own problems. I was also pretty interested in the value of shutting the @#$% up as a power play, especially at work. I plan to jump on that STFU opportunity ASAP.
April 11, 2023
This book could have done more work to STFU.
Self-admitted mansplainer realizes his life is better after annoying others less? Water is wet, tonight at 11.
While the writing is facepalm-inducing, there are some good references to books that are very worth the read.
Had high hopes for this after reading Disrupted years ago, but this is a reflection from an out of touch guy who realized he has been alienating those around him. Good for him, yes, but kinda goes against the whole premise of the book (to talk less) to publish this book as a narcissistic breakdown of the world as he sees it:
“People spend too much time on their phones, be present in the moment, I realize I interrupt people a lot and I and those around me are happier when I don’t do that “
Self-admitted mansplainer realizes his life is better after annoying others less? Water is wet, tonight at 11.
While the writing is facepalm-inducing, there are some good references to books that are very worth the read.
Had high hopes for this after reading Disrupted years ago, but this is a reflection from an out of touch guy who realized he has been alienating those around him. Good for him, yes, but kinda goes against the whole premise of the book (to talk less) to publish this book as a narcissistic breakdown of the world as he sees it:
“People spend too much time on their phones, be present in the moment, I realize I interrupt people a lot and I and those around me are happier when I don’t do that “
May 23, 2024
Empieza bien, engancha y da esperanza de poder desengancharse un poco de tanto ruido mediático y de redes, pero hacia la mitad empieza a hablar de teorías que me resultan cuando menos bastante dudosas y a contar cómo algunos empresarios gurús tipo Steve Jobs o Elon Musk las aplican. Al final me quedo con lo que me ha dicho mi madre toda la vida: "Hija, tú oír, ver y callar"
March 24, 2023
One of my goals this year is to read more non-fiction or self-help books. I was happy to get a copy of THE POWER OF KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT IN AN ENDLESSLY NOISY WORLD by Dan Lyons for review. This book is prescriptive, informative, and highly readable. It offers actionable tips for improving communication skills in all areas of life, from the workplace to personal relationships. Lyons's writing style is engaging and relatable, making it easy for readers to connect with his ideas and apply them to their own lives.
Overall, THE POWER OF KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT IN AN ENDLESSLY NOISY WORLD is an excellent resource for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills and become a better listener. It offers a fresh perspective on the importance of silence and will leave readers feeling empowered and inspired to take control of their conversations.
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April 28, 2025
I need everyone to read this book and simply learn how to ✨shut the fuck up and just listen✨
February 16, 2023
What a fascinating book! I absolutely loved listening (as the author encourages us to do more) Dan Lyons read his book STFU (The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut in an Endlessly Noisy World.
As the mother of a communication scholar, I was intrigued by the title. As I progressed in the book, I realized what a wonderful tool it will be for anyone in a workplace environment, especially those where regular meetings are held. I wish I had a copy of this book before I retired. I think it would have helped me greatly in my profession as an educator. Anyone who speaks to others can benefit from STFU. Everyone should take this advice.
The final chapter on listening provided a few simple practices to help everyone to become a better listener.
I would highly recommend listening to STFU as the author's words seem to make more of an impact on me than I believe the text would by reading the book.
As the mother of a communication scholar, I was intrigued by the title. As I progressed in the book, I realized what a wonderful tool it will be for anyone in a workplace environment, especially those where regular meetings are held. I wish I had a copy of this book before I retired. I think it would have helped me greatly in my profession as an educator. Anyone who speaks to others can benefit from STFU. Everyone should take this advice.
The final chapter on listening provided a few simple practices to help everyone to become a better listener.
I would highly recommend listening to STFU as the author's words seem to make more of an impact on me than I believe the text would by reading the book.
July 22, 2025
I was intrigued after the introduction and the “talkoholic” test (apparently I, a Gemini, am on the borderline lol), but then the first chapter is a straight up screed against social media. Which sure, we all overshare on the socials but that’s not really what I was expecting. Maybe at the end of the book would’ve been a better placement but the transition was jarring. I don’t feel particularly compelled to finish the book, though, because said social media chapter calls TikTok a moronic app and all its users morons. I don’t use TikTok but I can’t take an author seriously after reading extremist, insult-based nonsense like that. The author needed to follow his own advice.
March 23, 2023
I got this book free from the Early Reviewers Program at Library Thing. I have mixed feelings about it. Initially I was super excited, because the chapters about the value of shutting off our screens and getting off social media were excellent. Everyone knows they need to do this more, but Lyons does a GREAT job of giving us actual statistics and research about how much we are doing damage to ourselves by mindlessly scrolling and watching. I also liked the chapter about silence as medicine and the great health effects that we can attain by just spending more time in silence, particularly in nature.
Then I got to the parts about shutting the f** up in love and relationships. Perhaps I am negatively biased towards Lyons' point of view because I am a marriage counselor and Lyons makes absolutely no bones about his disdain for counseling or therapy of any kind. He loves the idea of bringing back the "stiff upper lip", and references Prince Harry dragging family business all over the public domain, praising the Queen for never saying a word about the family dynamics in public. While I agree that there is way too much airing of dirty laundry in public spaces, it seems to me that the Queen lived a very solitary and lonely life, and that's what happens when you are never vulnerable enough to let people in and share your world with them.
Moving on to couples relationships, Lyons downright says that couples therapy didn't work for them, and quotes the statistics we all know about failed marriages as proof that couples counseling doesn't work. He's happy to quote famous couples therapists like Doherty and Gottman when they support his theories, but leaves out Gottman's very famous quote that couples wait an average of SIX years, AFTER they realize they are in serious trouble, to come to couples therapy. We do not have magic wands and can't just wiggle our nose and make your relationship work. It IS true, as Lyons says, that many counselors do NOT have any special training in couples therapy, and this is surely a problem. It seems like Lyons' end conclusion here is that he just doesn't share a LOT of things with his wife. He lets her talk (which is great) but holds back many important things in his head in his attempt to STFU. Maybe I'm making too much of it, I certainly agree with not overtalking and exhausting your partner in a relationship. But you aren't intimate with someone if they don't know anything about what is going on in your head. So I feel like there's a nuanced middle ground that doesn't get addressed here.
Then I got to the parts about shutting the f** up in love and relationships. Perhaps I am negatively biased towards Lyons' point of view because I am a marriage counselor and Lyons makes absolutely no bones about his disdain for counseling or therapy of any kind. He loves the idea of bringing back the "stiff upper lip", and references Prince Harry dragging family business all over the public domain, praising the Queen for never saying a word about the family dynamics in public. While I agree that there is way too much airing of dirty laundry in public spaces, it seems to me that the Queen lived a very solitary and lonely life, and that's what happens when you are never vulnerable enough to let people in and share your world with them.
Moving on to couples relationships, Lyons downright says that couples therapy didn't work for them, and quotes the statistics we all know about failed marriages as proof that couples counseling doesn't work. He's happy to quote famous couples therapists like Doherty and Gottman when they support his theories, but leaves out Gottman's very famous quote that couples wait an average of SIX years, AFTER they realize they are in serious trouble, to come to couples therapy. We do not have magic wands and can't just wiggle our nose and make your relationship work. It IS true, as Lyons says, that many counselors do NOT have any special training in couples therapy, and this is surely a problem. It seems like Lyons' end conclusion here is that he just doesn't share a LOT of things with his wife. He lets her talk (which is great) but holds back many important things in his head in his attempt to STFU. Maybe I'm making too much of it, I certainly agree with not overtalking and exhausting your partner in a relationship. But you aren't intimate with someone if they don't know anything about what is going on in your head. So I feel like there's a nuanced middle ground that doesn't get addressed here.
August 15, 2024
Bastante bueno.
En algunas cosas tiene una idea muy radical del poder del silencio que creo que llega a ser contraproducente pero entiendo el significado que le quiere dar.
En algunas cosas tiene una idea muy radical del poder del silencio que creo que llega a ser contraproducente pero entiendo el significado que le quiere dar.
April 4, 2024
Putting my notes here for reference!
-shut up and listen!
-resist the urge to interrupt
-don’t think about what you’re going to say while they are speaking
-ask open ended questions
-open body language, no fidgeting, lean towards them and nod sincerely
-one common Response is the urge to share your own story that’s similar to the one you just heard - stfu and listen. It takes away from that persons share / experience most times
-Leave 3 unimportant things unsaid each day
-carry a note book
-Arthur Alan 36 questions.
-sit in silence with eye contact for 4 minutes to fall in love
-active listening is tremendously difficult - work at it!
-speak loudly with silence.
-be intentional.
-the one arguing with people on social media is weak- powerful people don’t have time or spend energy into that
-parenting - Finland - gardener vs carpenter
-ask questions!!! *What do you think?*
-social media is toxic, addictive, just adds to the “noise”.
-shut up and listen!
-resist the urge to interrupt
-don’t think about what you’re going to say while they are speaking
-ask open ended questions
-open body language, no fidgeting, lean towards them and nod sincerely
-one common Response is the urge to share your own story that’s similar to the one you just heard - stfu and listen. It takes away from that persons share / experience most times
-Leave 3 unimportant things unsaid each day
-carry a note book
-Arthur Alan 36 questions.
-sit in silence with eye contact for 4 minutes to fall in love
-active listening is tremendously difficult - work at it!
-speak loudly with silence.
-be intentional.
-the one arguing with people on social media is weak- powerful people don’t have time or spend energy into that
-parenting - Finland - gardener vs carpenter
-ask questions!!! *What do you think?*
-social media is toxic, addictive, just adds to the “noise”.
April 2, 2023
While in some scenarios Dan’s STFU advice is applicable, in others he went too far to make a case for STFU; for example, while it’s good for CEOs or leaders to talk less, and listen more, however, if all employees adopt STFU, then the company won’t function. It’s best to STFU in social media, but not when we are meeting with our friends. When to STFU vs when not is more nuanced, but looks like Dan is trying to fit the same STFU concept to all circumstances
February 27, 2024
This book wasn’t as helpful as I thought it would’ve been. It was too political, if I wanted a political book I would have chosen one. It had constant insults to the Republican Party.
I would not recommend this book, the title is misleading.
I would not recommend this book, the title is misleading.
March 27, 2024
dnf @ page 41. I could not believe how many insults and just...anger??? seeped from just the first 40 pages. I thought I was going to get an informative yet humorous piece, and what I feel like I got was a list of things that pissed this guy off in the last 5 years.
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