The Complete ACOA Sourcebook Lib/E: Adult Children of Alcoholics at Home, at Work and in Love

by Janet Geringer Woititz

When they were first released in the 1980s, Janet Woititz's groundbreaking works, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Struggle for Intimacy and The Self-Sabotage Syndrome, provided a new message of hope to adult children who had grown up in the shadow of alcoholic parents. Their message today is as profound and timeless as it was two decades ago. Now, in this complete collection, readers will learn again the insight and healing power of Janet Wotitiz's words. The Complete ACoA Sourcebook is a compilation of three of Dr. Woititz's classic books, addressing head-on the symptoms of The Adult Children of Alcoholics syndrome and providing strategies for living a normal life as an adult. Readers will find help for themselves: at home, in intimate relationships and on the job. They will discover the reasons for the way they think, believe and feel about themselves; ACoAs often feel isolated, have difficulty in relationships, in the workplace and in feeling good about themselves. Readers who are familiar with Woititz's work will find wisdom once again in this classic collection. Those new to ACoA will gain fresh insight into their behavior patterns and find an avenue for self-love and healing. Noted ACoA expert Dr. Robert Ackerman, author of the best-selling Perfect Daughters and Silent Sons, provides a foreword and explains why Janet Woititz's message will continue to help millions of readers for generations to come.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Audiobook, Mental Health, Relationships, Reference

Audio CD

First published March 8, 2002

Reviews

[B. Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had to take a break from this book because I started to have dreams about arguing with my alcoholic parent, hahaaaa. Anyway, a lot of this was eye opening for me. I thought that I am the way I am because it was some inherent fault of my own. Instead, I've learned that many of the things I think make up who I am, are actually not who I am, and are traits shared by people in similar situations. (I also definitely fit into the lost child role.)

I was told I was an ACOA recently by a counselor and I had no idea they had support groups for children of alcoholics. It was actually really relieving.

This explained a lot of why I just gave up in high school, how I quit activity after activity and pissed off a bunch of people. I burned out, I absolutely did. I was told that I was lazy when I didn't want to invite people to my house, but they could never know what I was dealing with. It would piss me off when people would joke that 'everyone's family is dysfunctional' when they had no idea of what it actually felt like. It also explains why I constantly try to sabotage myself when things are going well, why angry people scare me, why I can't touch alcohol.

The author wasn't joking when she said ACOAs are survivors.

Either way, highly recommend this book for anyone who is the adult child of an alcoholic. You're absolutely not alone and no, it was not your fault.

[Chris Hyde · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book helped me to understand a bit more about why I do the things I do. I felt it gave good understanding but not enough of the help to overcome those traits. I will be looking for more resources to help with the overcoming part!

[Olga Grytsenko · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book

Good and comprehensive book for those coming from dysfunctional families. Author provides many important insights on the issue of growing up in the family with alcoholic parent, and how that affect children later.

[Tal · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you grew up in this situation or your spouse did, this is a must read.

[Simone · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book very interesting and eye opening at times, especially in the work situation and family home. I was able to realise the dynamics and blame that can be put on self due to family dysfunction and the reality it’s a normal reaction to a situation that’s not your bag. It would have been nice if there were tools or chapters to help bring more insight to self and help develop. Otherwise, an insightful read.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was very invaluable to me in coming to understand myself better (the 'why do I think or act this way's)... and my family and anyone else who grew up around alcohol and/or addiction. This book is often recommended by many counselors, therapists, psychologists, etc. If you're seeking to understand what happens to a person who lives around alcohol as they grow older, I highly recommend this book as your guide.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very eye opening and well researched book. Some helpful stories and examples of the effects of growing up in an alcoholic home. Handy for ACOA's themselves or for those married to or counselling those from homes where a parent was an alcoholic. Be warned though, it can be quite confronting as it unravels many structures you may have built in your life as an ACOA.

[Christopher · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book put so much into perspective when I picked it up a few years ago. Was life changing for me. I always thought I survived my unique family situation but never pondered any long term effects. This book (and a few others) changed my life, thinking and worldview.

[Alexander Sholtz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really incredible in its insight and its compassion. It has helped me better understand why I do the things I do, and feel the way I feel and what might motivate others. Could not recommend highly enough if you think your childhood might not have been all that functional.

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first saw this book at 19 years of age and it took 11 years to finally read it. It was a heartbreaking book to read but I'm proud to be in Al-Anon for treatment now. Life is good. Thank you Jan for writing this monster of a book. May you rest in peace.

[jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

knowing is half the battle.

[Tracie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely beats the Red Book currently being touted by the ACA WSO.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource! So much insight into all aspects and facets of life. It validated me,... thus immensely important read!

[Susanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

very helpful and informative! everyone who falls in this category needs to read this book! super helpful for you and your relationships!

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommended for any person affected by alcoholism or other compulsions in another person.

First read: February - August 2016

[Araminta Matthews · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow. I understand so many things about myself that I never even imagined before. It was like gears clicking into pulley system cranked me out of a swamp and I could see myself clearly for the first time ever. My parents were awesome. My father was one of the most loving and sentimental human beings on the planet and my mother experienced the kind of trauma in childhood that we all pray daily never happens to those we love. It is understandable that they occasionally sought relief in whatever way they could. But it definitely had an effect on me, and I have learned so much from this book just exactly how. I highly recommend it.

It is only a 4 because unlike other books in this category that I have been reading, it does not offer solutions or practical exercises that would allow you to alter the trajectory. Otherwise this would be a 5.

[Sasha Khazova · Rating 4 out of 5]

A friend recommended this book to me. Her grandfather drank heavily. We talked about it, and I felt that we both shared a common pain. She told me about a book that explains a lot and personally helped her a great deal. At first, I pretended I didn’t need it. But… my father used to drink when I was about 5–6 years old. One of my great-grandfathers also drank when I was 11–14 years old. In short, I had some experience, though not super traumatic, but it left some scars. So, I asked about the book.

I recommend this book to you if someone in your family was or is an alcoholic (or has other forms of addiction: drug addiction, gambling addiction, etc.). It’s a quick and easy read. At times, this book takes you back to traumatic childhood memories, but as you read, you don’t feel sad; instead, you feel relief.

[Jessica Sellers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent book that brings a lot of insight to the life of ACOA. Because childhoods were chaotic and full of unbroken promises and confusion. There are many things ACOAs don’t know how to do because they didn’t see it done and/or weren’t taught how to do it. May have issues completing projects from start to finish, may lie even if the truth is easy, don’t know how to have fun or be silly, may overreact to things out of their control, may not have healthy relationships, Will second guess decisions and many other issues.

It’s important for leadership in a workplace to be aware so resources aren’t wasted

[Drezdyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

The information presented in this book is written in great detail in a way that is easy to understand. As I was reading, I began to make connections about my experiences and how they have affected my life and how I handle all forms of relationships. I also made a lot of connections in my family of origin and how each of our experiences affected both perspectives of our relationship.
As a student of Social Work, I will be referring back to this book when I need to refresh my understanding of clients who have dealt with alcoholism and other disorders.

[Merlijn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recognize myself in quite some things, but a lot of characteristics are described in general. It resulted in me sometimes thinking that anybody could recognize him/herself in some traits. Definitely written by an expert and not backed up by hard numbers, which I guess is fine. Although quite old, mentions some "modern" problems as well, such as burnout, fear of missing out and work/life balance.

[AttackGirl · Rating 3 out of 5]

You know how you go to a 12 step program no matter which one it is they ALL say “we do not want you to try to sell your books or pamphlets here or in the parking lot, we only use this NAME HOLD IT UP book”. Then they move onto the meeting. Well this book is just that… the book and idea they try to sell you at the other 12 step meetings.

Of course they also say “Take what you want and leave the rest… keep coming back it works if you work it!”

So…. Enjoy

[Vee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wish i would never had the need to open this book but here we are
Most of the time it honestly felt like reading through a diary or going through my brain. This book gave me so much understanding why I am the way I am, but it also provides practical advice on how to exist and live in the conditions that were developed during choldhood and in the environment around you.
Praises to my therapists for recommending me this

[Vasil Krstevski · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s an excellent book for introduction to the topic.

It helped me understand myself much better - at times I was wondering how much it knows about my life and experience so far.

It also brings hope that the patterns I have are outcomes of my upbringing and they are my default reactive response which I can choose to change and act differently in future.

It’s a new journey in front of me, that together with the 12 Step Program, it gives me hope for a better and calmer tomorrow.

Thank you!

[Speranta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read this book at least three times in the last ten years and every time there's a bunch of new patterns I get to observe in my life, or in the lives of close ones even though I did not grew up as an ACOA myself. It's the type of classic book which most people could find helpful, regardless of their origin.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the audio version of this, so parts were a bit repetitive and confusing (lots of lists and chapters that didn’t flow).

I recommend reading CAL above this book (either directly from ACA, Al Anon, etc.) as I didn’t find the tone of this to be quite right for the adult child reader. However, that could have been because the voice actress sounded a lot like Moira Rose at times. (Especially when she said the word “situation”, which one needs to say a lot when covering this topic 😂)

The workplace section I did find to be helpful and like nothing I’d heard before.

[Heather Brush · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was really hoping for more in the latter books but at least got to revisit the concepts in the first again. Identifying the issues is always a good step, even if you don't really get guidance here for addressing behaviors.

[Gail · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed so many breaks in this book, just to breath. I had to re-read much of it too. Parts of this book spoke to my soul, if you think you need this book, you need this book - unless it’s not your time, then remember this book for when you need it.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Literally every single thing on this list of "Traits every ACOA has" applies to me. :/

I'll probably be re-reading this over and over again for the rest of my life. I bought the workbook today as well, and the "Loving an ACOA" companion book.

:( :( :(

The end.

[CAROLYN G WYNN · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was insightful and gives you an understanding of both the parent and child. It helps to deconstruct triggers and behavior patterns and would be a great addition to active therapy session. The work section was not as helpful, but still insightful if you are in a Human Resource type area

[KC McGinley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped my mental health significantly. It showed me the reasoning for why I think so differently from others. Gave examples on the different types of personalities that result in a household of chaos