What do you think?
Rate this book
To Train Up a Child
Three thousand years ago, a wise man said, “Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Good training is not crisis management; it is what you do before the need of discipline arises.
Most parenting is accidental rather than deliberate. Imagine building a house that way. We don’t need to reinvent training. There are child training principles and methods that have worked from antiquity. To neglect deliberate training is to shove your child into a sea of choices and passions without a boat of compass.
This book is not about discipline, nor problem children. The emphasis is on the training of a child before the need to discipline arises. It is apparent that, though they expect obedience, most parents never attempt to train their child to obey. They wait until the behavior becomes unbearable and then explode. With proper training, discipline can be reduced to 5% of what many now practice. As you come to understand the difference between training and discipline, you will have a renewed vision for your family, no more raised voices, no contention, no bad attitudes, fewer spankings, a cheerful atmosphere in the home and total obedience from your children.
Most parenting is accidental rather than deliberate. Imagine building a house that way. We don’t need to reinvent training. There are child training principles and methods that have worked from antiquity. To neglect deliberate training is to shove your child into a sea of choices and passions without a boat of compass.
This book is not about discipline, nor problem children. The emphasis is on the training of a child before the need to discipline arises. It is apparent that, though they expect obedience, most parents never attempt to train their child to obey. They wait until the behavior becomes unbearable and then explode. With proper training, discipline can be reduced to 5% of what many now practice. As you come to understand the difference between training and discipline, you will have a renewed vision for your family, no more raised voices, no contention, no bad attitudes, fewer spankings, a cheerful atmosphere in the home and total obedience from your children.
122 pages, Paperback
First published August 1, 1994
104 people are currently reading
1163 people want to read
About the author
Michael Pearl
126 books50 followersMichael and Debi Pearl were both raised in Memphis, Tennessee, in good homes, by parents who were faithful to point them to God. Mike, a graduate of Mid-South Bible College in Memphis (now Victory University), has been active in evangelism and the work of the ministry since he was a teenager. He worked with Union Mission in Memphis for 25 years, while he and Debi also ministered to the many military families in Memphis and pastored churches. They moved to rural Tennessee where they continued in the work by holding Bible studies in local homes, which eventually led to regular meetings of the local body of believers, and by starting the prison ministry. God eventually led them into the ministry of writing on child training and family relationships, which they now feel is their life’s work and calling. In addition to the child training ministry, the work of the prison ministry, missions, Bible studies, and family life is still ongoing. The Pearls have been married since 1971, and have 5 children and 18 grandchildren. The Pearl children have always been involved in their parents’ ministry, and in their adulthood continue to be involved in some way in ministering where they are.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 388 reviews
September 17, 2014
Uh, no. This isn't a good book. It seems to forget that babies and children are in fact babies and children and they are not plotting against you.
When a baby bites its mother's breasts, it's not doing it out of malice, so why pull their hair? Why not stop the kid from nursing and then start again? Why is it necessary to inflict pain on a child that small?
This book advices switching starting at the age of four months. Why?
You mean to tell me that rather than taking your guns and putting them in high places, child proofing your house, not allowing sharp objects where your kid can get them you have to switch them instead? Why is that necessary?
This is the sort of person who makes Christians look bad and makes atheists what to stay atheists.
The good thing is he recommends spending time with your kids, teaching them, showing them love, but you know what? You can do that without hitting them with PCV pipes and thin sticks. I say throw all of that stuff out of the window and realize that these kids are KIDS. Beating them isn't going to keep them from becoming crooks when they can barely talk, let alone walk.
It isn't anything BUT abuse if you're being a child with plumbing line and it causes kidney damage. Anyone who would do this to a horse or a dog deserves jail and being kicked and bitten, but to do this to a child, you should NEVER be allowed to get out of prison. Also check what No Longer Qivering has to say about the Pearls and their family destroying methods.
When a baby bites its mother's breasts, it's not doing it out of malice, so why pull their hair? Why not stop the kid from nursing and then start again? Why is it necessary to inflict pain on a child that small?
This book advices switching starting at the age of four months. Why?
You mean to tell me that rather than taking your guns and putting them in high places, child proofing your house, not allowing sharp objects where your kid can get them you have to switch them instead? Why is that necessary?
This is the sort of person who makes Christians look bad and makes atheists what to stay atheists.
The good thing is he recommends spending time with your kids, teaching them, showing them love, but you know what? You can do that without hitting them with PCV pipes and thin sticks. I say throw all of that stuff out of the window and realize that these kids are KIDS. Beating them isn't going to keep them from becoming crooks when they can barely talk, let alone walk.
It isn't anything BUT abuse if you're being a child with plumbing line and it causes kidney damage. Anyone who would do this to a horse or a dog deserves jail and being kicked and bitten, but to do this to a child, you should NEVER be allowed to get out of prison. Also check what No Longer Qivering has to say about the Pearls and their family destroying methods.
November 21, 2013
This book is truly monstrous.
I have seen positive reviews that cite the fact that Pearl promotes relationship-building, and point to that as a counterbalance to the spanking. People who love the book seem to want us to believe that, because so much of the book is about kindness, that it somehow "cancels out" the "small" amount of violence.
But I find that one of the most terrifying things about it.
The juxtaposition of "loving" content, religious content, Pearl's bizarrely jolly tone, and the passages on hitting/beating/whipping/spanking/switching is what makes the whole so chilling.
In the Pearls' system, the same people expecting your love, telling you they love you, and being kind at times, are the ones who might do something as bizarre as setting you up with a temptation (or giving a ridiculous order) just to let you fail, so you can be hit. They may even cause pain due to your doing something perfectly innocent.
And these people aren't bosses, spouses or even prison guards, working this manipulation on adults. They are doing this to tiny babies and children who have never known anything else.
The people defining all of life (and I do mean all -- many children being raised this way are also not exposed to outsiders) are not to be trusted -- their love brings pain, and they are calm and controlled when causing it.
They firmly believe, as they administer pain:
- that the problem is clearly the child's fault.
- that this mind-twisting, illogical cruelty is Godly.
- that the trickery, forced adversarial situations and need to win at all costs, even if by violence, is how to show love to a child.
- that all babies and children are brimming over with sin, and that they are saving these children from a fiery hell.
And they go right back to being blithely sweet after confusing and hurting their children.
What a nightmare.
The "it's all about love, most of the book is not about spanking" junk is what makes it sly torture, rather than garden-variety meanness. It's not a guideline for raising a healthy, autonomous adult -- it's a recipe for a brainwashed prisoner locked into the Stockholm Syndrome.
And that brainwashed person may continue to believe the upside-down definition of "love" with which they grew up, especially if told that it was mandated by God!
Which leads me to another myth promoted by people who love this book -- that the Pearls' children are doing well. Everything I've read about them, and from them, points to the opposite.
Granted, that opinion may be colored by my view that choosing one's life, beliefs and work (and being educated enough to make those choices and survive in the real world) are important to happiness. But I am certainly not alone in that opinion.
Another myth that springs up in the positive reviews, and in the book, is that there is no middle ground between parents who set no boundaries, then end up screaming and flailing, and parents like the Pearls.
I've been in education for over 40 years, and know hundreds and hundreds of parents, most of whom do just fine setting limits, teaching morals and self-control, and raising happy, well-behaved children, without resorting to the weird, cruel methods of the Pearls. I find that "these kids today" in this secular world are mostly fine people.
This book is a vicious attack on innocent children, a perversion of Christian beliefs, and a filthy thing to do to well-meaning parents frightened of failing.
Read more:
www.sweepingcobwebs.com/2010/03/19/rebek...
debrasrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/
I think it's important to read the whole book in order to express an opinion. Don't give the Pearls your money, though -- here:
http://web.archive.org/web/2010110414...
I have seen positive reviews that cite the fact that Pearl promotes relationship-building, and point to that as a counterbalance to the spanking. People who love the book seem to want us to believe that, because so much of the book is about kindness, that it somehow "cancels out" the "small" amount of violence.
But I find that one of the most terrifying things about it.
The juxtaposition of "loving" content, religious content, Pearl's bizarrely jolly tone, and the passages on hitting/beating/whipping/spanking/switching is what makes the whole so chilling.
In the Pearls' system, the same people expecting your love, telling you they love you, and being kind at times, are the ones who might do something as bizarre as setting you up with a temptation (or giving a ridiculous order) just to let you fail, so you can be hit. They may even cause pain due to your doing something perfectly innocent.
And these people aren't bosses, spouses or even prison guards, working this manipulation on adults. They are doing this to tiny babies and children who have never known anything else.
The people defining all of life (and I do mean all -- many children being raised this way are also not exposed to outsiders) are not to be trusted -- their love brings pain, and they are calm and controlled when causing it.
They firmly believe, as they administer pain:
- that the problem is clearly the child's fault.
- that this mind-twisting, illogical cruelty is Godly.
- that the trickery, forced adversarial situations and need to win at all costs, even if by violence, is how to show love to a child.
- that all babies and children are brimming over with sin, and that they are saving these children from a fiery hell.
And they go right back to being blithely sweet after confusing and hurting their children.
What a nightmare.
The "it's all about love, most of the book is not about spanking" junk is what makes it sly torture, rather than garden-variety meanness. It's not a guideline for raising a healthy, autonomous adult -- it's a recipe for a brainwashed prisoner locked into the Stockholm Syndrome.
And that brainwashed person may continue to believe the upside-down definition of "love" with which they grew up, especially if told that it was mandated by God!
Which leads me to another myth promoted by people who love this book -- that the Pearls' children are doing well. Everything I've read about them, and from them, points to the opposite.
Granted, that opinion may be colored by my view that choosing one's life, beliefs and work (and being educated enough to make those choices and survive in the real world) are important to happiness. But I am certainly not alone in that opinion.
Another myth that springs up in the positive reviews, and in the book, is that there is no middle ground between parents who set no boundaries, then end up screaming and flailing, and parents like the Pearls.
I've been in education for over 40 years, and know hundreds and hundreds of parents, most of whom do just fine setting limits, teaching morals and self-control, and raising happy, well-behaved children, without resorting to the weird, cruel methods of the Pearls. I find that "these kids today" in this secular world are mostly fine people.
This book is a vicious attack on innocent children, a perversion of Christian beliefs, and a filthy thing to do to well-meaning parents frightened of failing.
Read more:
www.sweepingcobwebs.com/2010/03/19/rebek...
debrasrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/
I think it's important to read the whole book in order to express an opinion. Don't give the Pearls your money, though -- here:
http://web.archive.org/web/2010110414...
will-never-read
June 18, 2015I can't believe that a book that encourages child abuse is allowed on the market and has been tied to one couple accused of killing their two adopted children by the *parenting* methods in this book.
October 29, 2007
This is one of the most horrific, abusive books I have EVER read. This is a how-too book on child abuse. Impressionable Christian parents are most vulnerable. This book is disgusting and dangerous to our children and puts their wellbeing and lives in danger. Educating yourself on the true meaning of the Bible's rod verses and God's grace will show you that this book is not ok with God's plan. In fact the church that the Pearls were associated with have since taken a stand against this book and do not endorse it at all.
To train up a child in the way he should goes should not mean using behavior modification, giving repeated switchings, practicing adversarial tactics, demanding instant compliance, and silencing the voice our our children. It's time to speak up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To train up a child in the way he should goes should not mean using behavior modification, giving repeated switchings, practicing adversarial tactics, demanding instant compliance, and silencing the voice our our children. It's time to speak up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 21, 2013
This book is truly monstrous.
I have seen positive reviews that cite the fact that Pearl promotes relationship-building, and point to that as a counterbalance to the spanking. People who love the book seem to want us to believe that, because so much of the book is about kindness, that it somehow "cancels out" the "small" amount of violence.
But I find that one of the most terrifying things about it.
The juxtaposition of "loving" content, religious content, Pearl's bizarrely jolly tone, and the passages on hitting/beating/whipping/spanking/switching is what makes the whole so chilling.
In the Pearls' system, the same people expecting your love, telling you they love you, and being kind at times, are the ones who might do something as bizarre as setting you up with a temptation (or giving a ridiculous order) just to let you fail, so you can be hit. They may even cause pain due to your doing something perfectly innocent.
And these people aren't bosses, spouses or even prison guards, working this manipulation on adults. They are doing this to tiny babies and children who have never known anything else.
The people defining all of life (and I do mean all -- many children being raised this way are also not exposed to outsiders) are not to be trusted -- their love brings pain, and they are calm and controlled when causing it.
They firmly believe, as they administer pain:
- that the problem is clearly the child's fault.
- that this mind-twisting, illogical cruelty is Godly.
- that the trickery, forced adversarial situations and need to win at all costs, even if by violence, is how to show love to a child.
- that all babies and children are brimming over with sin, and that they are saving these children from a fiery hell.
And they go right back to being blithely sweet after confusing and hurting their children.
What a nightmare.
The "it's all about love, most of the book is not about spanking" junk is what makes it sly torture, rather than garden-variety meanness. It's not a guideline for raising a healthy, autonomous adult -- it's a recipe for a brainwashed prisoner locked into the Stockholm Syndrome.
And that brainwashed person may continue to believe the upside-down definition of "love" with which they grew up, especially if told that it was mandated by God!
Which leads me to another myth promoted by people who love this book -- that the Pearls' children are doing well. Everything I've read about them, and from them, points to the opposite.
Granted, that opinion may be colored by my view that choosing one's life, beliefs and work (and being educated enough to make those choices and survive in the real world) are important to happiness. But I am certainly not alone in that opinion.
Another myth that springs up in the positive reviews, and in the book, is that there is no middle ground between parents who set no boundaries, then end up screaming and flailing, and parents like the Pearls.
I've been in education for over 40 years, and know hundreds and hundreds of parents, most of whom do just fine setting limits, teaching morals and self-control, and raising happy, well-behaved children, without resorting to the weird, cruel methods of the Pearls. I find that "these kids today" in this secular world are mostly fine people.
This book is a vicious attack on innocent children, a perversion of Christian beliefs, and a filthy thing to do to well-meaning parents frightened of failing.
Read more:
www.sweepingcobwebs.com/2010/03/19/re...
debrasrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/
I think it's important to read the whole book in order to express an opinion. Don't give the Pearls your money, though -- here:
http://web.archive.org/web/2010110414...
I have seen positive reviews that cite the fact that Pearl promotes relationship-building, and point to that as a counterbalance to the spanking. People who love the book seem to want us to believe that, because so much of the book is about kindness, that it somehow "cancels out" the "small" amount of violence.
But I find that one of the most terrifying things about it.
The juxtaposition of "loving" content, religious content, Pearl's bizarrely jolly tone, and the passages on hitting/beating/whipping/spanking/switching is what makes the whole so chilling.
In the Pearls' system, the same people expecting your love, telling you they love you, and being kind at times, are the ones who might do something as bizarre as setting you up with a temptation (or giving a ridiculous order) just to let you fail, so you can be hit. They may even cause pain due to your doing something perfectly innocent.
And these people aren't bosses, spouses or even prison guards, working this manipulation on adults. They are doing this to tiny babies and children who have never known anything else.
The people defining all of life (and I do mean all -- many children being raised this way are also not exposed to outsiders) are not to be trusted -- their love brings pain, and they are calm and controlled when causing it.
They firmly believe, as they administer pain:
- that the problem is clearly the child's fault.
- that this mind-twisting, illogical cruelty is Godly.
- that the trickery, forced adversarial situations and need to win at all costs, even if by violence, is how to show love to a child.
- that all babies and children are brimming over with sin, and that they are saving these children from a fiery hell.
And they go right back to being blithely sweet after confusing and hurting their children.
What a nightmare.
The "it's all about love, most of the book is not about spanking" junk is what makes it sly torture, rather than garden-variety meanness. It's not a guideline for raising a healthy, autonomous adult -- it's a recipe for a brainwashed prisoner locked into the Stockholm Syndrome.
And that brainwashed person may continue to believe the upside-down definition of "love" with which they grew up, especially if told that it was mandated by God!
Which leads me to another myth promoted by people who love this book -- that the Pearls' children are doing well. Everything I've read about them, and from them, points to the opposite.
Granted, that opinion may be colored by my view that choosing one's life, beliefs and work (and being educated enough to make those choices and survive in the real world) are important to happiness. But I am certainly not alone in that opinion.
Another myth that springs up in the positive reviews, and in the book, is that there is no middle ground between parents who set no boundaries, then end up screaming and flailing, and parents like the Pearls.
I've been in education for over 40 years, and know hundreds and hundreds of parents, most of whom do just fine setting limits, teaching morals and self-control, and raising happy, well-behaved children, without resorting to the weird, cruel methods of the Pearls. I find that "these kids today" in this secular world are mostly fine people.
This book is a vicious attack on innocent children, a perversion of Christian beliefs, and a filthy thing to do to well-meaning parents frightened of failing.
Read more:
www.sweepingcobwebs.com/2010/03/19/re...
debrasrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/
I think it's important to read the whole book in order to express an opinion. Don't give the Pearls your money, though -- here:
http://web.archive.org/web/2010110414...
November 20, 2013
This book is a piece of garbage! It's basically a book teaching you how to abuse your children! The author should be ashamed!
You call yourself Christian.....
http://www.examiner.com/article/anoth...
This is referenced from the above article.
Some of the discipline techniques the Pearls teach include:
Using plastic tubing to beat children, since it hurts a lot but leaves fewer marks to alert authorities
Wearing the plastic tubing around the parent's neck as a constant reminder to obey
"Swatting" babies as young as six months old with instruments such as "a 12-inch willowy branch," thinner plastic tubing or a wooden spoon
"Blanket training" babies by hitting them with an instrument if they try to crawl off a blanket on the floor
Beating older children with rulers, paddles, belts and larger tree branches
"Training" children with pain before they even disobey, in order to teach total obedience
Giving cold water baths, putting children outside in cold weather and withholding meals as discipline
Hosing off children who have potty training accidents
Inflicting punishment until a child is "without breath to complain."
Only one explanation....
You call yourself Christian.....
http://www.examiner.com/article/anoth...
This is referenced from the above article.
Some of the discipline techniques the Pearls teach include:
Using plastic tubing to beat children, since it hurts a lot but leaves fewer marks to alert authorities
Wearing the plastic tubing around the parent's neck as a constant reminder to obey
"Swatting" babies as young as six months old with instruments such as "a 12-inch willowy branch," thinner plastic tubing or a wooden spoon
"Blanket training" babies by hitting them with an instrument if they try to crawl off a blanket on the floor
Beating older children with rulers, paddles, belts and larger tree branches
"Training" children with pain before they even disobey, in order to teach total obedience
Giving cold water baths, putting children outside in cold weather and withholding meals as discipline
Hosing off children who have potty training accidents
Inflicting punishment until a child is "without breath to complain."
Only one explanation....
August 9, 2017
This book is being held as responsible in three cases of parents killing their children by following its advice.
http://www.examiner.com/article/anoth...
I believe the parents are entirely responsible for their own behavior. Of course, they're obviously stupid, irrational, & ripe for the picking of such con men as the Pearl's, but none of that is excuse enough to torture children to death.
I don't like convicting books or people without some background, so I checked out their FB page & didn't think they sounded too far out. Very religious, possibly even Fundamentalists, but a lot of otherwise decent people are. Then I checked out some of the reviews on Amazon. Several went into detail that convinced me the article was not blown out of proportion. This book does promote child abuse. This one was the best:
http://www.amazon.com/review/R33MBC5A...
This review is by heavenpeas on Amazon (link above, bolding is mine):
... My kids range in age from 14-2 and each of them is a blessing. Each of them is different. Each of them needs something different from us regarding discipline. Love your kids. Get to know them. If you are a believer, ask God for guidance. And DON'T BUY THIS BOOK.
Some excerpts: On p.65 co-author Debi Pearl whips the bare leg of a 15 month old she is babysitting, 10 separate times, for not playing with something she tells him to play with.
After about ten acts of stubborn defiance, followed by ten switchings, he surrendered his will to one higher than himself. In rolling the wheel, he did what every accountable human being must do-he humbled himself before the "highest" and admitted that his interests are not paramount. After one begrudged roll, my wife turned to other chores
On p.59 they recommend spanking a 3 year old until he is "totally broken."
She then administers about ten slow, patient licks on his bare legs. He cries in pain. If he continues to show defiance by jerking around and defending himself, or by expressing anger, then she will wait a moment and again lecture him and again spank him. When it is obvious he is totally broken, she will hand him the rag and very calmly say, "Johnny, clean up your mess." He should very contritely wipe up the water.
On p.79 they recommend switching a 7 month old for screaming.
A seven-month-old boy had, upon failing to get his way, stiffened clenched his fists, bared his toothless gums and called down damnation on the whole place. At a time like that, the angry expression on a baby's face can resemble that of one instigating a riot. The young mother, wanting to do the right thing, stood there in helpless consternation, apologetically shrugged her shoulders and said, "What can I do?" My incredulous nine-year-old whipped back, "Switch him." The mother responded, "I can't, he's too little." With the wisdom of a veteran who had been on the little end of the switch, my daughter answered, "If he is old enough to pitch a fit, he is old enough to be spanked."...
I wonder how long Amazon will keep it on its shelves. From this review, I believe it violates their terms. It certainly violates mine.
Update 9Aug2017 This came up in a FB post. I googled it & found the entire text is available on the Internet Archive HERE. I copied & pasted it to Notepad to keep a copy. Scrolling quickly up through it, I read bits here & there, a few of which I'll quote below. I am totally appalled at the idiocy.
As the boys get older, make sure they are not too much confined to studies. By the time they are twelve or thirteen, they should be pretty well through with school and involved in an occupation with you.
Don't allow the brainless, subversive Sesame Street type propaganda to come into your house.
I have heard a rebellious teenager say, "If they only loved me enough to whip me." Believe that & I have a bridge to sell you cheap.
I can't believe anyone actually believes this crap in this day & age.
http://www.examiner.com/article/anoth...
I believe the parents are entirely responsible for their own behavior. Of course, they're obviously stupid, irrational, & ripe for the picking of such con men as the Pearl's, but none of that is excuse enough to torture children to death.
I don't like convicting books or people without some background, so I checked out their FB page & didn't think they sounded too far out. Very religious, possibly even Fundamentalists, but a lot of otherwise decent people are. Then I checked out some of the reviews on Amazon. Several went into detail that convinced me the article was not blown out of proportion. This book does promote child abuse. This one was the best:
http://www.amazon.com/review/R33MBC5A...
This review is by heavenpeas on Amazon (link above, bolding is mine):
... My kids range in age from 14-2 and each of them is a blessing. Each of them is different. Each of them needs something different from us regarding discipline. Love your kids. Get to know them. If you are a believer, ask God for guidance. And DON'T BUY THIS BOOK.
Some excerpts: On p.65 co-author Debi Pearl whips the bare leg of a 15 month old she is babysitting, 10 separate times, for not playing with something she tells him to play with.
After about ten acts of stubborn defiance, followed by ten switchings, he surrendered his will to one higher than himself. In rolling the wheel, he did what every accountable human being must do-he humbled himself before the "highest" and admitted that his interests are not paramount. After one begrudged roll, my wife turned to other chores
On p.59 they recommend spanking a 3 year old until he is "totally broken."
She then administers about ten slow, patient licks on his bare legs. He cries in pain. If he continues to show defiance by jerking around and defending himself, or by expressing anger, then she will wait a moment and again lecture him and again spank him. When it is obvious he is totally broken, she will hand him the rag and very calmly say, "Johnny, clean up your mess." He should very contritely wipe up the water.
On p.79 they recommend switching a 7 month old for screaming.
A seven-month-old boy had, upon failing to get his way, stiffened clenched his fists, bared his toothless gums and called down damnation on the whole place. At a time like that, the angry expression on a baby's face can resemble that of one instigating a riot. The young mother, wanting to do the right thing, stood there in helpless consternation, apologetically shrugged her shoulders and said, "What can I do?" My incredulous nine-year-old whipped back, "Switch him." The mother responded, "I can't, he's too little." With the wisdom of a veteran who had been on the little end of the switch, my daughter answered, "If he is old enough to pitch a fit, he is old enough to be spanked."...
I wonder how long Amazon will keep it on its shelves. From this review, I believe it violates their terms. It certainly violates mine.
Update 9Aug2017 This came up in a FB post. I googled it & found the entire text is available on the Internet Archive HERE. I copied & pasted it to Notepad to keep a copy. Scrolling quickly up through it, I read bits here & there, a few of which I'll quote below. I am totally appalled at the idiocy.
As the boys get older, make sure they are not too much confined to studies. By the time they are twelve or thirteen, they should be pretty well through with school and involved in an occupation with you.
Don't allow the brainless, subversive Sesame Street type propaganda to come into your house.
I have heard a rebellious teenager say, "If they only loved me enough to whip me." Believe that & I have a bridge to sell you cheap.
I can't believe anyone actually believes this crap in this day & age.
burn-it-with-fire
November 21, 2013Guys, spread the word. This is the actual WORST. It literally advocates child abuse, neglect and torture through corporal punishment. It's been linked to the deaths of three children. Parents buy into this crap because it's couched as "Christian parenting". What a fucking blight on my religion this is, like the Westboro Baptist Church.
Quoted directly from the book:
WHAT THE FUCK. Do please sign the petition to get Amazon to remove it, because this should not even be in existence.
Quoted directly from the book:
"Give 10 licks at a time, more if the child resists. Be careful about using it in front of others -- even at church; nosy neighbors might call social workers."
WHAT THE FUCK. Do please sign the petition to get Amazon to remove it, because this should not even be in existence.
are-you-shitting-me
November 9, 2011Yet another 'good Christan' beat their child to death at the instruction of Mr. Pearl.
I'd like to think Jesus would be against beating your six month old baby with a whip, but hey, what do I know?
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/07/us/...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think after reviewing When Children Invite Child Abuse: A Search for Answers When Love Is Note my love for books about beating children is fairly well known, so imagine my excitement when I came across this book which recommends beating children as young as 9 months old with sticks and justifies it by claiming Jesus wants you to beat the shit out of your infant.
"If you want a child who will integrate into the New World Order and wait his turn in line for condoms, a government funded abortion, sexually transmitted disease treatment, psychological evaluation and a mark on the forehead then follow the popular guidelines in education, entertainment and discipline, but if you want a son or daughter of God, you will have to do it God's way.
The anti-spanking campaign is a front for an anti-family agenda, a progressive socialist movement to reengineer society with government the only mentor of children. A few well placed individuals in government, media, and the educational system religiously promote a new world order where the collective state replaces God and the Constitution. They must control the minds of the citizenry if they are to institute their totalitarian policies; and they are well aware from history that mind control must begin with the youth—thus the public school system. But homeschool parents and Christian parents protect their children from corrupt worldviews. The socialists know that the last remaining bulwark against brainwashing children is parental headship—thus their hostility toward the family."
Fucking awesome!
I'd like to think Jesus would be against beating your six month old baby with a whip, but hey, what do I know?
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/07/us/...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think after reviewing When Children Invite Child Abuse: A Search for Answers When Love Is Note my love for books about beating children is fairly well known, so imagine my excitement when I came across this book which recommends beating children as young as 9 months old with sticks and justifies it by claiming Jesus wants you to beat the shit out of your infant.
"If you want a child who will integrate into the New World Order and wait his turn in line for condoms, a government funded abortion, sexually transmitted disease treatment, psychological evaluation and a mark on the forehead then follow the popular guidelines in education, entertainment and discipline, but if you want a son or daughter of God, you will have to do it God's way.
The anti-spanking campaign is a front for an anti-family agenda, a progressive socialist movement to reengineer society with government the only mentor of children. A few well placed individuals in government, media, and the educational system religiously promote a new world order where the collective state replaces God and the Constitution. They must control the minds of the citizenry if they are to institute their totalitarian policies; and they are well aware from history that mind control must begin with the youth—thus the public school system. But homeschool parents and Christian parents protect their children from corrupt worldviews. The socialists know that the last remaining bulwark against brainwashing children is parental headship—thus their hostility toward the family."
Fucking awesome!
November 4, 2013
I have no bloody idea how anybody can give this book anything but a scathing review. The contents of the book are abhorrent and horrible on every level. That it has 3.5 stars on this webpage as of this review scares the everloving crap out of me.
Some examples from the book: A child disobeys his father for not wanting to sit in his lap, and what does the father do? Spanks the child for 45 minutes straight. If your baby bites your nipple while nursing you should yank the babies hair. They teach that children acting like children (running around, squabbling over toys etc) is because their mother didn't conquer their minds by repeatedly beating them. It also compares these parents to Holocaust victims on their way to concentration camps because their children are misbehaving.
Not only is the book a horrible book, but the consequences of the torture of children is obvious: parents following the "teachings" of this book have killed their children. In one case the mother smothered her child causing it to suffocate. A seven year old was whipped to death by her parents. And lastly a adopted girl was beaten and starved to death by her parents. These parents were following what this book teaches. Anybody who reads this and thinks it is acceptable should not be parents. Shame on you.
Some examples from the book: A child disobeys his father for not wanting to sit in his lap, and what does the father do? Spanks the child for 45 minutes straight. If your baby bites your nipple while nursing you should yank the babies hair. They teach that children acting like children (running around, squabbling over toys etc) is because their mother didn't conquer their minds by repeatedly beating them. It also compares these parents to Holocaust victims on their way to concentration camps because their children are misbehaving.
Not only is the book a horrible book, but the consequences of the torture of children is obvious: parents following the "teachings" of this book have killed their children. In one case the mother smothered her child causing it to suffocate. A seven year old was whipped to death by her parents. And lastly a adopted girl was beaten and starved to death by her parents. These parents were following what this book teaches. Anybody who reads this and thinks it is acceptable should not be parents. Shame on you.
September 3, 2013
This is one of the wickedest books I have ever read and, given who I am and what I read, that is saying a lot. This is a book so vile, written by a man so degenerate, that there is literally no way for a moral person to discuss it with anything approaching neutrality. It is a book written solely with the intent of breaking the wills of small children, beating them into submission, and it has become a text used by witless Christian parents to beat their “willful” children to death. And Michael Pearl is okay with that because he says those parents didn’t beat their children with love in their hearts or they wouldn’t have struck their children repeatedly with plumbing line until their muscles broke down and clogged their kidneys with biological debris, killing them.
This book is deeply problematic beyond just the content, which we will get to in a moment. This book upsets me so much because though I am an atheist, I know excellent and fine Christians. My grandfather was one. He would have rebuked a man like Michael Pearl and if Pearl beat a child or a dog with a piece of wood, a belt, or plumbing line in front of him, Pearl would have found out what it is like to be at the mercy of a larger, angry man. That is not because my grandfather was some sort of vengeance seeker. Far from it. He was not a man who looked for fights. He would have rebuked Pearl because genuine believers cannot stomach the harms done by True Believers. Many Christians today have the same reactions to the Westboro Baptist Church. This book is so deeply problematic because in fundamentalist, legalistic circles, people use this book in the place of their own judgement as Christians, parents and decent human beings.
This is not a condemnation of Christianity. It is a condemnation of Christians who use Michael and Debi Pearl’s disgusting book of abuse, a book so profoundly horrible that if it was used against prisoners it would be illegal and if it was used on POWs it would be considered war crimes. So if you want to defend Christianity, don’t do it here. Christianity is not what is being discussed here. What is being discussed here is child abuse in the name of Michael Pearl, not God or Jesus, and the way that unthinking faith leads people to do terrible things.
The purpose of To Train Up a Child is to use Amish horse training methods on children, and even then the Amish would likely turn their backs on Pearl if they knew how their methods of taming wild animals were used on children.
Don’t get lost in the details. Pearl in Chapter One lays out a bunch of explanations of how it is that he is not disciplining children, but rather continually training them so he does not have to discipline them. He uses Proverbs 22:6 as his rationale:
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Fair enough, but when “training” consists of pulling a nursing infant’s hair, hitting them continually, deliberately putting them in harm’s way to show them they must obey all commands, even those that make zero sense on any rational level, hitting them if they do not obey quickly enough for your satisfaction, what you are doing is brainwashing your child to follow your demented ideas, not any sort of Godly path. Mindless, shattered, fearful automatons will never depart from the path you put them on.
You can read my entire discussion of this vile book here.
This book is deeply problematic beyond just the content, which we will get to in a moment. This book upsets me so much because though I am an atheist, I know excellent and fine Christians. My grandfather was one. He would have rebuked a man like Michael Pearl and if Pearl beat a child or a dog with a piece of wood, a belt, or plumbing line in front of him, Pearl would have found out what it is like to be at the mercy of a larger, angry man. That is not because my grandfather was some sort of vengeance seeker. Far from it. He was not a man who looked for fights. He would have rebuked Pearl because genuine believers cannot stomach the harms done by True Believers. Many Christians today have the same reactions to the Westboro Baptist Church. This book is so deeply problematic because in fundamentalist, legalistic circles, people use this book in the place of their own judgement as Christians, parents and decent human beings.
This is not a condemnation of Christianity. It is a condemnation of Christians who use Michael and Debi Pearl’s disgusting book of abuse, a book so profoundly horrible that if it was used against prisoners it would be illegal and if it was used on POWs it would be considered war crimes. So if you want to defend Christianity, don’t do it here. Christianity is not what is being discussed here. What is being discussed here is child abuse in the name of Michael Pearl, not God or Jesus, and the way that unthinking faith leads people to do terrible things.
The purpose of To Train Up a Child is to use Amish horse training methods on children, and even then the Amish would likely turn their backs on Pearl if they knew how their methods of taming wild animals were used on children.
Don’t get lost in the details. Pearl in Chapter One lays out a bunch of explanations of how it is that he is not disciplining children, but rather continually training them so he does not have to discipline them. He uses Proverbs 22:6 as his rationale:
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Fair enough, but when “training” consists of pulling a nursing infant’s hair, hitting them continually, deliberately putting them in harm’s way to show them they must obey all commands, even those that make zero sense on any rational level, hitting them if they do not obey quickly enough for your satisfaction, what you are doing is brainwashing your child to follow your demented ideas, not any sort of Godly path. Mindless, shattered, fearful automatons will never depart from the path you put them on.
You can read my entire discussion of this vile book here.
August 17, 2013
Please Christian parents- remember that you have direct access to the throne of grace for your time of need through JesuscChrist. Pray and ask God directly how you should train up your kids in the way they should go. God will give wisdom liberally to those who ask. Jesus left us a legacy of how he treated children which is written in the Gospels.
We serve a God of unfathomable love and grace toward even the most unworthy among us. How dare we listen to a book that advises us to treat children as animals, not as precious, helpless, dependent beings created in the image of God?
Have these authors forgotten their own hopeless state from which Jesus (hopefully) has rescued them? How do they regard teachings of Jesus about kindness even toward enemies and then deliberately hurt those entrusted to our care?
Non- Christians, do not blame Jesus for this mess and know that most true followers of the living Jesus Christ who resides in our hearts would never"train" our children in such a cruel way.
We serve a God of unfathomable love and grace toward even the most unworthy among us. How dare we listen to a book that advises us to treat children as animals, not as precious, helpless, dependent beings created in the image of God?
Have these authors forgotten their own hopeless state from which Jesus (hopefully) has rescued them? How do they regard teachings of Jesus about kindness even toward enemies and then deliberately hurt those entrusted to our care?
Non- Christians, do not blame Jesus for this mess and know that most true followers of the living Jesus Christ who resides in our hearts would never"train" our children in such a cruel way.
October 2, 2011
This book has been cited as being instrumental in the deaths of at least three children:
Sean Paddock - suffocated
Lydia Schatz - beaten
Hana Williams - starvation and hypothermia
I'm a survivor of Pearl-type teachings. Their formulas do NOT create "emotionally stable" children, as the Pearls claim. Instead, they create robots. They talk about creating "bonds" with your children, while at the same time advocating breaking your children. Here are some direct quotes from this book:
"...if you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final."
"A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action until the child is surrendered."
Sean Paddock - suffocated
Lydia Schatz - beaten
Hana Williams - starvation and hypothermia
I'm a survivor of Pearl-type teachings. Their formulas do NOT create "emotionally stable" children, as the Pearls claim. Instead, they create robots. They talk about creating "bonds" with your children, while at the same time advocating breaking your children. Here are some direct quotes from this book:
"...if you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final."
"A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action until the child is surrendered."
November 18, 2013
This is horrendous and evil. What makes it so vile is that it is presented as nice and loving. It reminds me of Umbridge (from Harry Potter) - pink and fluffy and happy to torture children.
Children have died because of this book, and that's just the ones we know about. How many people are being damaged by this? It presents itself as "good" and intertwines things from the bible with horrible evil ideas: Using plastic tubing to beat children, since it hurts a lot but leaves fewer marks to alert authorities
Wearing the plastic tubing around the parent's neck as a constant reminder to obey
"Swatting" babies as young as six months old with instruments such as "a 12-inch willowy branch," thinner plastic tubing or a wooden spoon
"Blanket training" babies by hitting them with an instrument if they try to crawl off a blanket on the floor
Beating older children with rulers, paddles, belts and larger tree branches
"Training" children with pain before they even disobey, in order to teach total obedience
Giving cold water baths, putting children outside in cold weather and withholding meals as discipline
Hosing off children who have potty training accidents
Inflicting punishment until a child is "without breath to complain."
Please do not buy this book!
Children have died because of this book, and that's just the ones we know about. How many people are being damaged by this? It presents itself as "good" and intertwines things from the bible with horrible evil ideas: Using plastic tubing to beat children, since it hurts a lot but leaves fewer marks to alert authorities
Wearing the plastic tubing around the parent's neck as a constant reminder to obey
"Swatting" babies as young as six months old with instruments such as "a 12-inch willowy branch," thinner plastic tubing or a wooden spoon
"Blanket training" babies by hitting them with an instrument if they try to crawl off a blanket on the floor
Beating older children with rulers, paddles, belts and larger tree branches
"Training" children with pain before they even disobey, in order to teach total obedience
Giving cold water baths, putting children outside in cold weather and withholding meals as discipline
Hosing off children who have potty training accidents
Inflicting punishment until a child is "without breath to complain."
Please do not buy this book!
December 1, 2011
Will write a complete review later.
Ok. If this review isn't in my typically balanced and calm style, there's a reason. I hate this book. I hate what the authors stand for and how it has destroyed lives. I hate the mindset that demands parents "break a child's will".
I don't have a copy of this book, so I'm not going to be able to give you a page number. Many other reviewers do offer in-depth critiques of the book complete with quotes and page numbers.
The Pearls believe that children are inherently evil, rebellious, and conniving - from infanthood! Got a six-month-old who cries to be picked up after being put down to bed? Spank him and ignore his lonely cries. Don't give in to this child's will or he will win - what horror, that a child could convince his own parents to hold him.
To summarize their view on corporal punishment, they suggest the following methods:
1. Spanking/whipping with a rod, a switch from a tree, a cord from a weed-eater, or a 1/4 INCH PIECE OF PLUMBING LINE. They even suggest hanging the plumbing line around the neck as a constant reminder to the children that the parent is ready to beat them for the tiniest infraction.
2. Continuing to beat the child until the parent/s are satisfied they have broken down the child's will. (At this point, why do the Pearls bother hiding the truth behind the word "spank"? This is nothing less than a beating).
3. Sitting on the child to restrain him/her during the beating if necessary.
4. They suggest using "swats" to train babies as young as 4 months not to climb on stairs, touch the stove, etc. At this point, the child hasn't done anything wrong. The parent simply waits for them to reach out to the stairs (or whatever item is being used as an excuse for this sadistic behavior), says, "No", and smacks the child. Repeat until child is afraid of the stairs, the stove, or the tempting toy the parent *intentionally* put out as bait. Obviously, a common sense solution like a child gate at the stairs just won't work. Keeping an eye on your kid so s/he doesn't get burned on the stove? That's for sissies*. No, the only want to properly train a child is to hit him/her until the child's will (or sense of self) is broken.
Michael Pearl may not be legally responsible for the deaths of Sean Paddock, Lydia Schatz, or Hana Williams, but he is responsible for the despicable abuse manual I've reviewed here.
*Michael Pearl seems to see "sissy" as a term of contempt for those he views as too weak-minded to carry out the abuse he prescribes. I have a few words for him:
Abuser - He hits kids repeatedly. That's a good enough definition for me, and probably for any kids who've suffered because of his methods.
Sadist - He mentions smiling/laughing, etc. when chasing children in order to beat them.
Manipulator - He suggests orchestrating scenarios to give parents an excuse to have a "training session".
Worst of all, he's someone who wants to convince other parents to embody these qualities.
If you need more information, please visit this excellent website. I'm not affiliated with it in any way. The in-depth breakdowns of TTUAC are extremely well-written.
http://whynottrainachild.com/category...
Ok. If this review isn't in my typically balanced and calm style, there's a reason. I hate this book. I hate what the authors stand for and how it has destroyed lives. I hate the mindset that demands parents "break a child's will".
I don't have a copy of this book, so I'm not going to be able to give you a page number. Many other reviewers do offer in-depth critiques of the book complete with quotes and page numbers.
The Pearls believe that children are inherently evil, rebellious, and conniving - from infanthood! Got a six-month-old who cries to be picked up after being put down to bed? Spank him and ignore his lonely cries. Don't give in to this child's will or he will win - what horror, that a child could convince his own parents to hold him.
To summarize their view on corporal punishment, they suggest the following methods:
1. Spanking/whipping with a rod, a switch from a tree, a cord from a weed-eater, or a 1/4 INCH PIECE OF PLUMBING LINE. They even suggest hanging the plumbing line around the neck as a constant reminder to the children that the parent is ready to beat them for the tiniest infraction.
2. Continuing to beat the child until the parent/s are satisfied they have broken down the child's will. (At this point, why do the Pearls bother hiding the truth behind the word "spank"? This is nothing less than a beating).
3. Sitting on the child to restrain him/her during the beating if necessary.
4. They suggest using "swats" to train babies as young as 4 months not to climb on stairs, touch the stove, etc. At this point, the child hasn't done anything wrong. The parent simply waits for them to reach out to the stairs (or whatever item is being used as an excuse for this sadistic behavior), says, "No", and smacks the child. Repeat until child is afraid of the stairs, the stove, or the tempting toy the parent *intentionally* put out as bait. Obviously, a common sense solution like a child gate at the stairs just won't work. Keeping an eye on your kid so s/he doesn't get burned on the stove? That's for sissies*. No, the only want to properly train a child is to hit him/her until the child's will (or sense of self) is broken.
Michael Pearl may not be legally responsible for the deaths of Sean Paddock, Lydia Schatz, or Hana Williams, but he is responsible for the despicable abuse manual I've reviewed here.
*Michael Pearl seems to see "sissy" as a term of contempt for those he views as too weak-minded to carry out the abuse he prescribes. I have a few words for him:
Abuser - He hits kids repeatedly. That's a good enough definition for me, and probably for any kids who've suffered because of his methods.
Sadist - He mentions smiling/laughing, etc. when chasing children in order to beat them.
Manipulator - He suggests orchestrating scenarios to give parents an excuse to have a "training session".
Worst of all, he's someone who wants to convince other parents to embody these qualities.
If you need more information, please visit this excellent website. I'm not affiliated with it in any way. The in-depth breakdowns of TTUAC are extremely well-written.
http://whynottrainachild.com/category...
October 16, 2011
Would never, EVER recommend this book. Not only is it the epitome of lazy parenting, it's dangerous. Three adopted children have died from this, and I don't doubt that many more children, adopted or otherwise, have developed phobias and various other anxiety problems. The result of these teachings are joyless, broken children, not children with any sort of enthusiasm for the Lord or life at all. Children, selfish as they may be, are simply looking to satisfy their down desires, not test or manipulate the parent. Children are not animals to be "trained"- and indeed, if anyone trained their animals that way it would be illegal and considered abusive. I truly hope that creating robots was not the intention of Mike and Debi Pearl, and especially not the intention of anyone who actually follows their potentially lethal advice.
Mike Pearl also makes several errors in LOGIC in this book. He claims that game wardens will allow fishers to catch only 5 fish, but penalize them if they catch 6, and many parents make this error of allowing "chances" before actually using appropriate punishment. Um, no, 5 is the maximum amount of fish someone can catch, and if they take 6 they are taking more than their fair share. This is not at all related to children being allowed to break rules before the parents step in. There is nothing inherently illegal in catching fish, but there is in catching more than the allowed amount. Wouldn't that be more like a child being allowed 5 pieces of candy, but not 6? Come on. There are more errors in logic, but that's the one that stood out.
What's more about this horrible book is that the theology is dodgy and the Scriptural backup very shaky. The Pearls follow a VERY literal interpretation of the Bible, and fail to comprehend that there may be more meaning. On top of that, they throw around typical Christian buzzwords, but actually seldom use Scripture while claiming that all of their teachings are Biblically sound. They are not sound at all, and they mostly use logical fallacies and appeal to emotions to reach readers. I dare say God would not approve.
Mike Pearl also makes several errors in LOGIC in this book. He claims that game wardens will allow fishers to catch only 5 fish, but penalize them if they catch 6, and many parents make this error of allowing "chances" before actually using appropriate punishment. Um, no, 5 is the maximum amount of fish someone can catch, and if they take 6 they are taking more than their fair share. This is not at all related to children being allowed to break rules before the parents step in. There is nothing inherently illegal in catching fish, but there is in catching more than the allowed amount. Wouldn't that be more like a child being allowed 5 pieces of candy, but not 6? Come on. There are more errors in logic, but that's the one that stood out.
What's more about this horrible book is that the theology is dodgy and the Scriptural backup very shaky. The Pearls follow a VERY literal interpretation of the Bible, and fail to comprehend that there may be more meaning. On top of that, they throw around typical Christian buzzwords, but actually seldom use Scripture while claiming that all of their teachings are Biblically sound. They are not sound at all, and they mostly use logical fallacies and appeal to emotions to reach readers. I dare say God would not approve.
the-tally-will-come
August 3, 2016As a victim of child abuse, I find this abhorrent. Michael Pearl, I haven't read your book but fuck you! FUCK YOU! Please sign this petition to get it removed from Amazon
https://www.change.org/petitions/amaz...
https://www.change.org/petitions/amaz...
November 19, 2013
This is not a question of do you spank your child? This is a question of do you beat your child into submission, deprive them of food, put them out in the cold, hose them off, force them to take cold baths and hit your 6 month old with a stick? All to make them submit to you because your are bigger, stronger, smarter. Reminds me of Matilda "Im big, your are small, I am smart you are dumb, I am right you are wrong"
Way to raise a bright confident child that will become a well balanced adult.
That is not even touching on the subject of the mind games they are suggesting you play with your children. IF hitting them does not work wear a plastic tube around your neck to they will always remember that you could beat them at any moment. CHILDREN are NOT DOGS! There are other parenting books out there that do not condone mental abuse, give advice on how to beat your child without leaving marks (?!WHA!!?) or result in your child's death if your 'interpret' the message incorrectly. Please do a little research and I am sure you will find any number of them helpful.
Way to raise a bright confident child that will become a well balanced adult.
That is not even touching on the subject of the mind games they are suggesting you play with your children. IF hitting them does not work wear a plastic tube around your neck to they will always remember that you could beat them at any moment. CHILDREN are NOT DOGS! There are other parenting books out there that do not condone mental abuse, give advice on how to beat your child without leaving marks (?!WHA!!?) or result in your child's death if your 'interpret' the message incorrectly. Please do a little research and I am sure you will find any number of them helpful.
October 2, 2011
This book has been cited as being instrumental in the deaths of at least three children:
Sean Paddock - suffocated
Lydia Schatz - beaten
Hana Williams - starvation and hypothermia
I'm a survivor of Pearl-type teachings. Their formulas do NOT create "emotionally stable" children, as the Pearls claim. Instead, they create robots. They talk about creating "bonds" with your children, while at the same time advocating breaking your children. Here are some direct quotes from this book:
"...if you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final."
"A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action until the child is surrendered."
Claiming something is "biblical" does NOT make it so.
Sean Paddock - suffocated
Lydia Schatz - beaten
Hana Williams - starvation and hypothermia
I'm a survivor of Pearl-type teachings. Their formulas do NOT create "emotionally stable" children, as the Pearls claim. Instead, they create robots. They talk about creating "bonds" with your children, while at the same time advocating breaking your children. Here are some direct quotes from this book:
"...if you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final."
"A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action until the child is surrendered."
Claiming something is "biblical" does NOT make it so.
November 14, 2013
A book that endorses child abuse:
http://www.slate.com/articles/double_...
Anyone rating this book a 5 should have child protective services called to make sure their children are still alive.
http://www.slate.com/articles/double_...
Anyone rating this book a 5 should have child protective services called to make sure their children are still alive.
October 22, 2011
This book is truly monstrous.
I see positive reviews that cite the fact that Pearl promotes relationship-building, and point to that as a counterbalance to the spanking. People who love the book seem to want us to believe that, because so much of the book is about kindness, that it somehow "cancels out" the "small" amount of violence.
But I find that one of the most terrifying things about it. And, yes, I have read and re-read the whole thing, quite a few times.
The juxtaposition of "loving" content, religious content, Pearl's bizarrely jolly tone, and the oft-quoted passages on hitting/beating/whipping/spanking is what makes the whole so chilling.
In the Pearls' system, the same people expecting your love, telling you they love you, and being kind at times, are the ones who might do something as bizarre as setting you up with a temptation (or giving a ridiculous order) just to let you fail, so you can be hit. They may even cause pain due to your doing something perfectly innocent.
And these people aren't bosses, spouses or even prison guards, working this manipulation on adults. They are doing this to tiny babies and children who have never known anything else.
The very people defining all of life (and I do mean all -- many children being raised this way are also not exposed to outsiders) are not to be trusted -- their love brings pain, and they are calm and controlled when causing it.
They firmly believe, as they administer pain:
- that it is all the child's fault.
- that this mind-twisting, illogical cruelty is Godly.
- that the trickery, forced adversarial situations and need to win at all costs, even if by violence, is how to show love to a child.
- that all babies and children are brimming over with sin, and that they are saving these children from a fiery hell.
And they go right back to being blithely sweet after confusing and hurting their children.
What a nightmare.
The "it's all about love, most of the book is not about spanking" junk is what makes it sly torture, rather than garden-variety meanness. It's not a guideline for raising a healthy, autonomous adult -- it's a recipe for a brainwashed prisoner locked into the Stockholm Syndrome.
And that brainwashed person may continue to believe the upside-down definition of "love" with which they grew up, especially if told that it was mandated by God!
Another myth that springs up in the positive reviews, and in the book, is that there is no middle ground between parents who set no boundaries, then end up screaming and flailing, and parents like the Pearls.
I've been in education for over 40 years, and know hundreds and hundreds of parents, most of whom do just fine setting limits, teaching morals and self-control, and raising happy, well-behaved children, without resorting to the weird, cruel methods of the Pearls. I find that "these kids today" in this secular world are mostly fine people.
This book is a vicious attack on innocent children, and a filthy thing to do to well-meaning parents frightened of failing.
I see positive reviews that cite the fact that Pearl promotes relationship-building, and point to that as a counterbalance to the spanking. People who love the book seem to want us to believe that, because so much of the book is about kindness, that it somehow "cancels out" the "small" amount of violence.
But I find that one of the most terrifying things about it. And, yes, I have read and re-read the whole thing, quite a few times.
The juxtaposition of "loving" content, religious content, Pearl's bizarrely jolly tone, and the oft-quoted passages on hitting/beating/whipping/spanking is what makes the whole so chilling.
In the Pearls' system, the same people expecting your love, telling you they love you, and being kind at times, are the ones who might do something as bizarre as setting you up with a temptation (or giving a ridiculous order) just to let you fail, so you can be hit. They may even cause pain due to your doing something perfectly innocent.
And these people aren't bosses, spouses or even prison guards, working this manipulation on adults. They are doing this to tiny babies and children who have never known anything else.
The very people defining all of life (and I do mean all -- many children being raised this way are also not exposed to outsiders) are not to be trusted -- their love brings pain, and they are calm and controlled when causing it.
They firmly believe, as they administer pain:
- that it is all the child's fault.
- that this mind-twisting, illogical cruelty is Godly.
- that the trickery, forced adversarial situations and need to win at all costs, even if by violence, is how to show love to a child.
- that all babies and children are brimming over with sin, and that they are saving these children from a fiery hell.
And they go right back to being blithely sweet after confusing and hurting their children.
What a nightmare.
The "it's all about love, most of the book is not about spanking" junk is what makes it sly torture, rather than garden-variety meanness. It's not a guideline for raising a healthy, autonomous adult -- it's a recipe for a brainwashed prisoner locked into the Stockholm Syndrome.
And that brainwashed person may continue to believe the upside-down definition of "love" with which they grew up, especially if told that it was mandated by God!
Another myth that springs up in the positive reviews, and in the book, is that there is no middle ground between parents who set no boundaries, then end up screaming and flailing, and parents like the Pearls.
I've been in education for over 40 years, and know hundreds and hundreds of parents, most of whom do just fine setting limits, teaching morals and self-control, and raising happy, well-behaved children, without resorting to the weird, cruel methods of the Pearls. I find that "these kids today" in this secular world are mostly fine people.
This book is a vicious attack on innocent children, and a filthy thing to do to well-meaning parents frightened of failing.
April 3, 2018
I don't normally write reviews but wanted to explain why this is on my Read list. I had to read this book for a Youtube video response I'm making and, honestly, it's one of the most disturbing books I've ever read.
The couple writing this show a clear lack of empathy for not only children, but all others - how anyone can calmly write about beating a 4 month old child on the bare legs with a 12 inch piece of wood is beyond me. And more than that: they don't just boast that they've done this but encourage other parents to do the same. They also encourage pulling newborn babies hair, hitting older children with 'branches' and if a child tries to run away from a beating you should 'use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally.'
It's sick, it's been linked to the deaths of several children, and it's totally disgusting. I'm not sure how this is still for sale on Amazon but I really think that needs to change.
The couple writing this show a clear lack of empathy for not only children, but all others - how anyone can calmly write about beating a 4 month old child on the bare legs with a 12 inch piece of wood is beyond me. And more than that: they don't just boast that they've done this but encourage other parents to do the same. They also encourage pulling newborn babies hair, hitting older children with 'branches' and if a child tries to run away from a beating you should 'use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally.'
It's sick, it's been linked to the deaths of several children, and it's totally disgusting. I'm not sure how this is still for sale on Amazon but I really think that needs to change.
August 15, 2011
The problem with this review star system is that we don't get to see the children of those who give it a terrible rating. BUT if you read through them you will see some subtle admissions such as "I admit my children are not the best behaved" Um...Say what? Why not? Mine are invariable the best behaved in pretty much every situation. Mine were so well behaved that my very big name attorney brother and my family court judge sister BOTH asked us for parenting advice. So I'll be the 1st to SHOW the kind of kids you get when you do it right www.gravesjusdo.com. What you don't see is they are all "straight A" or nearly "straight A" students (not that this is more important than character by a long shot). They all get along so well that we have been approached by total strangers more times than we can count asking how we did it. We average a call a day from the two at the OTC. My 18 yr old son who started college at 15 still spontaneously hugs me w/o any reason. How many fathers can say that? They all share everything with us. They are exceedingly happy motivated kids with extraordinarily high levels of emotional intelligence. We have had total strangers come into our home to purchase computer parts and ask if they could just stay a while...I asked why and one man said, "I have never been in a home that I felt this much peace and joy". I could, and have been asked to write a book, but this is just a taste. I am CERTAIN that many of you could share stories and incidents as well.
The naysayers here are people who have silly leftist agendas and have NOT TRIED IT THE RIGHT WAY.
I'd bet my last dime that the majority of them are also quite anti-Christian or "liberal Christian".
They have opinions- we have experiences. Some of them go around the web posting to every sight they can find. It is the summer of 2011 and the streets in England and many US cities are filled with then kind of kids their bright ideas have created. They are burning cars, looting stores, and demanding the gov't be their mother forever. If you love your children you will make certain they are never part of this group. Good GODly character is the only way.
The naysayers here are people who have silly leftist agendas and have NOT TRIED IT THE RIGHT WAY.
I'd bet my last dime that the majority of them are also quite anti-Christian or "liberal Christian".
They have opinions- we have experiences. Some of them go around the web posting to every sight they can find. It is the summer of 2011 and the streets in England and many US cities are filled with then kind of kids their bright ideas have created. They are burning cars, looting stores, and demanding the gov't be their mother forever. If you love your children you will make certain they are never part of this group. Good GODly character is the only way.
May 30, 2007
This is a great book for learning to be proactive instead of reactive in child training. Teach them when they are young..if you wait it will be harder on you and your child.
January 8, 2009
This book is dangerous.
November 19, 2013
I get so sad when I see the 'Christian Parenting' excuse for the child abuse advocated in this book.
As a Christ follower and a parent, I want to show my kids God's love, teach them God's ways, equip them with the wisdom to know God's path for them, and the courage to follow it. So let's chuck out all the hear-say and see what the Bible, God's word teaches:
Matthew 7:12:
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (NIV 2011)
Galatians 5:22-25:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. (NIV 2011)
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (NIV 2011)
1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (NIV 2011)
Mark 10:13-16:
One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” Then he took the children in his arms and placed His hands on their heads and blessed them. (NLT 2007)
Matthew 18:6
If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. (NIV 2011)
The Bible teaches that 'the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control' (Galatians 5:22-25). God tells us to 'keep in step with the Spirit' by living the fruit of the Spirit, not just when we go to church on Sundays, but everyday, perhaps most importantly, in our homes, as an example to our children.
God tells us that He is love, and he teaches us that "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) God expects us to model this love, His love, to our children.
God gave us Jesus, His Child, to model and teach us His ways. Jesus values children (Mark 10:13-16), He values them A LOT. He does not treat them like 2nd class citizens that need to be disciplined and scolded into submission and conformation. Jesus got upset when His disciples wanted to send the children away. Jesus adjusted His schedule and made time for the children. He delighted in them. We need to follow Jesus's example.
God expects us to train up our children in His ways not just by teaching them how to act and do and behave, but, more importantly, by modelling God's ways, as Jesus did for me.
If I want my child to be a loving person I need to treat him with love. If I want him to be a joyful person I need to show him joy. If I want him to be peaceful, I need to be at peace myself. If I want to instill kindness, goodness and faithfulness in him, I need to treat him with kindness, goodness and faithfulness.
And if I want him to grow up to be a gentle man, with self control, I need to be gentle with him and with others, because he is part of, learns from, and mimics my daily social interactions with him and with others.
Of course this is a massive responsibility and all of this is impossible to do without God's help. And I must admit that I fall short dramatically when it comes to modelling the fruit of the Spirit all the time, but I do try, and try again. I follow my Leader with joy, knowing that He will not reject me when I fall and get up and try again, just as I will not reject my son Etienne.
My point is that the Bible teaches love. Not fear, anger, and child abuse. Love. A love that is patient, kind, is not proud, does not dishonour others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. A love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. A Love that never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
As a Christ follower and a parent, I want to show my kids God's love, teach them God's ways, equip them with the wisdom to know God's path for them, and the courage to follow it. So let's chuck out all the hear-say and see what the Bible, God's word teaches:
Matthew 7:12:
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (NIV 2011)
Galatians 5:22-25:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. (NIV 2011)
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (NIV 2011)
1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (NIV 2011)
Mark 10:13-16:
One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” Then he took the children in his arms and placed His hands on their heads and blessed them. (NLT 2007)
Matthew 18:6
If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. (NIV 2011)
The Bible teaches that 'the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control' (Galatians 5:22-25). God tells us to 'keep in step with the Spirit' by living the fruit of the Spirit, not just when we go to church on Sundays, but everyday, perhaps most importantly, in our homes, as an example to our children.
God tells us that He is love, and he teaches us that "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) God expects us to model this love, His love, to our children.
God gave us Jesus, His Child, to model and teach us His ways. Jesus values children (Mark 10:13-16), He values them A LOT. He does not treat them like 2nd class citizens that need to be disciplined and scolded into submission and conformation. Jesus got upset when His disciples wanted to send the children away. Jesus adjusted His schedule and made time for the children. He delighted in them. We need to follow Jesus's example.
God expects us to train up our children in His ways not just by teaching them how to act and do and behave, but, more importantly, by modelling God's ways, as Jesus did for me.
If I want my child to be a loving person I need to treat him with love. If I want him to be a joyful person I need to show him joy. If I want him to be peaceful, I need to be at peace myself. If I want to instill kindness, goodness and faithfulness in him, I need to treat him with kindness, goodness and faithfulness.
And if I want him to grow up to be a gentle man, with self control, I need to be gentle with him and with others, because he is part of, learns from, and mimics my daily social interactions with him and with others.
Of course this is a massive responsibility and all of this is impossible to do without God's help. And I must admit that I fall short dramatically when it comes to modelling the fruit of the Spirit all the time, but I do try, and try again. I follow my Leader with joy, knowing that He will not reject me when I fall and get up and try again, just as I will not reject my son Etienne.
My point is that the Bible teaches love. Not fear, anger, and child abuse. Love. A love that is patient, kind, is not proud, does not dishonour others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. A love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. A Love that never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
November 19, 2013
If I could give this less than one star I would. I read this book because I thought it couldn't possibly be as bad as people were saying. It is worse than I ever imagined. Pearl seems to think that he can use double talk to trick the reader into thinking they are not harming their child by following his technique. He makes a big deal about saying that he is training his children not disciplining them, but then he uses training in a way that it become synonymous to spanking. In addition, he liberally uses love and patience in word but not in deed.
As an educator, I find this book disturbing. I've taken enough psychology classes to know that the "training" described in this book will not result in happy, obedient children. It will likely result in fearful, depressed children, but that is not the worse of it. As we have already seen in the news, it could also result in a dead, innocent child.
Although I do not personally believe there is ever a good reason for spanking a child, I do not think that all spanking is abuse. My issue with Pearl's training is the various ways that it crosses the line. He proposes switching babies for reaching for a forbidden object and pulling the hair of infants who bite while nursing. Responding to naturally occurring situations isn't enough. He also proposes creating situations to give your children opportunities to submitting to your will. He doesn't even seem to know his own mind. In one instance he claims that babies are smart enough to manipulate their parents, but in the next they are not old enough to understand reason. They can only understand pain. That is just plain sick. Babies aren't capable of manipulation. The damage that can be done at this tender age far outweighs any benefit. They are developing trust, exploring their environment, and learning to try new things. Hitting them will only stifle their development.
Even absolute obedience will not save a child from the switch in Pearl's eyes. They must also have the right attitude while obeying without delay. Children must always be cheerful and obedient. That is just setting them up for failure. They are people not robots. Furthermore denying a child basic elements of survival (food, clothing, shelter, love) under any circumstances is abuse. Disgustingly, Pearl seems to have no problem restricting them as means of "training."
As a Christian, I find this book deplorable. Pearl likes to refer to "the rod of correction." He doesn't even stop to think that the "rod" that most people would be familiar with during the time that the Bible was written was a Shepherd's rod. Shepherds use their rods to guide their sheep, not beat them into submission. Jesus represents love and forgiveness. Nowhere in Scripture does he advocate child abuse. Pearl also uses the Scripture reference "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth." I guess he doesn't have access to a dictionary because he thinks that chastise means to spank. It actually
means to verbally punish.
The only true statement I found in the book was, "If nothing else, training will result in saving you time." Yes, it takes far less time to destroy than it takes to build. But at what cost? Following the advice of this book has the potential to destroy our nation's most precious asset--our children and our future.
As an educator, I find this book disturbing. I've taken enough psychology classes to know that the "training" described in this book will not result in happy, obedient children. It will likely result in fearful, depressed children, but that is not the worse of it. As we have already seen in the news, it could also result in a dead, innocent child.
Although I do not personally believe there is ever a good reason for spanking a child, I do not think that all spanking is abuse. My issue with Pearl's training is the various ways that it crosses the line. He proposes switching babies for reaching for a forbidden object and pulling the hair of infants who bite while nursing. Responding to naturally occurring situations isn't enough. He also proposes creating situations to give your children opportunities to submitting to your will. He doesn't even seem to know his own mind. In one instance he claims that babies are smart enough to manipulate their parents, but in the next they are not old enough to understand reason. They can only understand pain. That is just plain sick. Babies aren't capable of manipulation. The damage that can be done at this tender age far outweighs any benefit. They are developing trust, exploring their environment, and learning to try new things. Hitting them will only stifle their development.
Even absolute obedience will not save a child from the switch in Pearl's eyes. They must also have the right attitude while obeying without delay. Children must always be cheerful and obedient. That is just setting them up for failure. They are people not robots. Furthermore denying a child basic elements of survival (food, clothing, shelter, love) under any circumstances is abuse. Disgustingly, Pearl seems to have no problem restricting them as means of "training."
As a Christian, I find this book deplorable. Pearl likes to refer to "the rod of correction." He doesn't even stop to think that the "rod" that most people would be familiar with during the time that the Bible was written was a Shepherd's rod. Shepherds use their rods to guide their sheep, not beat them into submission. Jesus represents love and forgiveness. Nowhere in Scripture does he advocate child abuse. Pearl also uses the Scripture reference "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth." I guess he doesn't have access to a dictionary because he thinks that chastise means to spank. It actually
means to verbally punish.
The only true statement I found in the book was, "If nothing else, training will result in saving you time." Yes, it takes far less time to destroy than it takes to build. But at what cost? Following the advice of this book has the potential to destroy our nation's most precious asset--our children and our future.
January 15, 2008
ooh where to start. This book perpetuates child abuse and domination. It is inacurate at best.
April 28, 2013
To Train Up a Child is an extremely poor book for parenting advise. This is ABUSE, not parenting. I've never hit my kids and know plenty of others that don't as well and they're respectful, creative, amazing, fun, intelligent, kind, and caring individuals. You don't have to hit your children to earn their trust and respect. In fact, you're only earning fear. You don't need to create a mindless, submissive fearful zombie follower in order to have a "happy" family. Hitting a child at all, especially an infant is sick, disgusting, and hypocritical. How can you expect to use physical violence against someone and then tell them not to use physical violence against others?
Infants aren't selfish because they cry. Its their way of communicating! A Child should be taught to be an individual, to critically think, to learn right from wrong, not to just follow what they are told their entire lives. Do you know what happens when mindless followers do what they're told? Atrocities, wars, holocausts, genocide!
Teach and show your kid to love, to be kind, to treat one another with respect, to think critically, to do what is right especially if it means defying those who tell you otherwise, to have a mind of their own, etc. Be the change you want to see in the world. Some of the best and greatest people in this world have been people who went against the grain of society because they did what was right instead of doing what they were told. Keep that in mind!
Infants aren't selfish because they cry. Its their way of communicating! A Child should be taught to be an individual, to critically think, to learn right from wrong, not to just follow what they are told their entire lives. Do you know what happens when mindless followers do what they're told? Atrocities, wars, holocausts, genocide!
Teach and show your kid to love, to be kind, to treat one another with respect, to think critically, to do what is right especially if it means defying those who tell you otherwise, to have a mind of their own, etc. Be the change you want to see in the world. Some of the best and greatest people in this world have been people who went against the grain of society because they did what was right instead of doing what they were told. Keep that in mind!
October 29, 2015
Edit: After doing some further research and reading supposed quotes from the book that multiple sites have noted, I do believe that the online version I wrote this review on was significantly edited. The version I read had no mention of starving (or withholding food as punishment), cold baths, putting children out in cold weather, wearing tubing around the neck as constant reminder of punishment, and several other things. This review is simply a pros and cons of the "Pearl Method" and also a comparison of what I read, to some of the claims other people have made, that I simply did not find in this version. -Brie
I decided to read this book out of pure curiosity. I read so many horrendous reviews that when I came across a free online reading, I tackled it right away, expecting to read a near horror story on raising children by beating them half to death.
While there are definitely ideas/practices on child rearing that are somewhat off-putting (that I simply can't go into great detail about), I also saw many positives. In all reality, many of the practices are actually very similar to how I was raise; and I can say with all confidence that I was far from abused.
That being said, I'd like to point out to all the critics that there is no perfect parent. There is no perfect parenting method and any and all parenting advice you receive, whether from a distant relative or supernanny, should be taken with a grain of salt, examined, and used with wisdom. Likewise, all children are uniquely created by God, which means one style of parenting may work wonders with one child while being useless with another.
Where do I begin?
Throughout most of this book, Michael Pearl’s tone comes off as very harsh and even condescending. Many people would be put off by this alone as well as the frequent comparisons of children and dogs. So I decided to ignore his "tone" and focus on what he was actually trying to saying. For example, comparing a child to a dog would offend many people's senses. But looking deeper, I see the point he has when he poses the question: if a dog can be trained to obey commands, how much more should a child, who is far more intelligent and superior than a dog, learn to obey? The basic premise of the message I received is that children are intelligent and should be treated as such. Stop treating them as if they can't learn, or they're just going through a phase, or "it's what all kids do". Your child is capable of much more.
I read a review that this book condones spanking with pipes. Maybe I missed it somewhere, but I never read anything about an actual pipe (I think a plastic tube was mentioned because it's not as hard as a belt). Either my online version was edited to remove the "pipe" or it was never there.
When it comes to the Pearls' ideas on spanking, I was very surprised that they believe in spanking as early as 6 months. This I completely disagree with. Aside from that, what I believe many people are missing with the entire concept of spanking is that you are never to do it out of anger. If you are angry/frustrated, they advise that you NOT spank at all! It is reiterated that you must stay calm, NEVER raise your voice in anger, and avoid even facial expressions that aren't in "love and pleasure". At the end of the book, he states that if you are unsure of these practices and/or know you have anger problems, DON'T DO IT. Seek continued advice. I believe many people glossed over the sections (or failed to read them altogether) on specifically how to spank. When "smacking" a child's hand, he describes it as a "thump" with his index finger, and that he has never "thumped" his children hard enough to make them cry. It is basically a "surprise" factor to get their attention. The entire concept of spanking is that of a child who puts their hand to a hot stove; when they feel the pain of the burn, they learn right away not to do that again. They also describe spanking as a "surface" sting, never hard enough to leave a bruise, which he describes as an injury. I'm pretty confident that the three cases that made headlines of children being beaten to death after using the "Pearl Method" must have missed that point.
What is confusing in this book is the ways they describe spanking (which I just noted about) and their language. It's hard to think of spanking as a "surface sting" when they use words such as "rod" and "beat". I believe this is what has caused so much stir in the community of parents. Perhaps a proper editor and writing teacher could have been of great value. It is too easy to misinterpret the Pearls' methods when language like that is being used. It's almost contradictory.
I do think the Pearls have some very unusual views on rebellion and "driving it out" of children and are extremely harsh in their tone towards the reader (which he admits), but also have some excellent advice that many parents SHOULD follow. Screaming, yelling, reacting to ANYTHING in anger is strongly spoken against and considered WRONG. Being consistent, explaining to a child WHY his is being spanked and showing love and attention after the fact, are all great pieces of advice.
Would I recommend this book to other parents? Well, not exactly. Why? Because it must be read with both eyes WIDE open and used with extreme wisdom. In the wrong hands, this could wreak havoc.
I decided to read this book out of pure curiosity. I read so many horrendous reviews that when I came across a free online reading, I tackled it right away, expecting to read a near horror story on raising children by beating them half to death.
While there are definitely ideas/practices on child rearing that are somewhat off-putting (that I simply can't go into great detail about), I also saw many positives. In all reality, many of the practices are actually very similar to how I was raise; and I can say with all confidence that I was far from abused.
That being said, I'd like to point out to all the critics that there is no perfect parent. There is no perfect parenting method and any and all parenting advice you receive, whether from a distant relative or supernanny, should be taken with a grain of salt, examined, and used with wisdom. Likewise, all children are uniquely created by God, which means one style of parenting may work wonders with one child while being useless with another.
Where do I begin?
Throughout most of this book, Michael Pearl’s tone comes off as very harsh and even condescending. Many people would be put off by this alone as well as the frequent comparisons of children and dogs. So I decided to ignore his "tone" and focus on what he was actually trying to saying. For example, comparing a child to a dog would offend many people's senses. But looking deeper, I see the point he has when he poses the question: if a dog can be trained to obey commands, how much more should a child, who is far more intelligent and superior than a dog, learn to obey? The basic premise of the message I received is that children are intelligent and should be treated as such. Stop treating them as if they can't learn, or they're just going through a phase, or "it's what all kids do". Your child is capable of much more.
I read a review that this book condones spanking with pipes. Maybe I missed it somewhere, but I never read anything about an actual pipe (I think a plastic tube was mentioned because it's not as hard as a belt). Either my online version was edited to remove the "pipe" or it was never there.
When it comes to the Pearls' ideas on spanking, I was very surprised that they believe in spanking as early as 6 months. This I completely disagree with. Aside from that, what I believe many people are missing with the entire concept of spanking is that you are never to do it out of anger. If you are angry/frustrated, they advise that you NOT spank at all! It is reiterated that you must stay calm, NEVER raise your voice in anger, and avoid even facial expressions that aren't in "love and pleasure". At the end of the book, he states that if you are unsure of these practices and/or know you have anger problems, DON'T DO IT. Seek continued advice. I believe many people glossed over the sections (or failed to read them altogether) on specifically how to spank. When "smacking" a child's hand, he describes it as a "thump" with his index finger, and that he has never "thumped" his children hard enough to make them cry. It is basically a "surprise" factor to get their attention. The entire concept of spanking is that of a child who puts their hand to a hot stove; when they feel the pain of the burn, they learn right away not to do that again. They also describe spanking as a "surface" sting, never hard enough to leave a bruise, which he describes as an injury. I'm pretty confident that the three cases that made headlines of children being beaten to death after using the "Pearl Method" must have missed that point.
What is confusing in this book is the ways they describe spanking (which I just noted about) and their language. It's hard to think of spanking as a "surface sting" when they use words such as "rod" and "beat". I believe this is what has caused so much stir in the community of parents. Perhaps a proper editor and writing teacher could have been of great value. It is too easy to misinterpret the Pearls' methods when language like that is being used. It's almost contradictory.
I do think the Pearls have some very unusual views on rebellion and "driving it out" of children and are extremely harsh in their tone towards the reader (which he admits), but also have some excellent advice that many parents SHOULD follow. Screaming, yelling, reacting to ANYTHING in anger is strongly spoken against and considered WRONG. Being consistent, explaining to a child WHY his is being spanked and showing love and attention after the fact, are all great pieces of advice.
Would I recommend this book to other parents? Well, not exactly. Why? Because it must be read with both eyes WIDE open and used with extreme wisdom. In the wrong hands, this could wreak havoc.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 388 reviews