The Power of Empathy: A Practical Guide to Creating Intimacy, Self-Understanding, and Lasting Love

by Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Katherine Ketcham

A practical and inspiring guide to making empathy a vital part of your everyday life explains why it is crucial to finding love, being an active listener, creating lasting intimacy, how it differs from sympathy, ten steps to avoid the pitfalls of negative empathy, and how it can rebuild a relationship, trust, and faith. Reprint.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction

288 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2000

About the author

Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Ed.D., Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been treating clients for more than 30 years. He is a member of the American Psychological Association and the Massachusetts Psychological Association. Currently in private practice, Dr. Ciaramicoli has been on the faculty of Harvard Medical School for several years, lecturer for the American Cancer Society, Chief Psychologist at Metrowest Medical Center, and director of the Metrowest Counseling Center and of the Alternative Medicine division of Metrowest Wellness Center in Framingham, Massachusetts.

In addition to treating patients, Dr. Ciaramicoli is a consultant to the Johns Hopkins Civility Initiative, and has lectured at Harvard Health Services, Boston College Counseling Center, the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore as well as being a consultant to several major corporations in the Boston area.

Dr. Ciaramicoli is also a seasoned media expert. He has appeared on CNN, CNNfn, Fox News Boston, Comcast TV, New England Cable News, Good Morning America Weekend, The O’Reilly Report, and other shows. He has been a weekly radio guest on Your Healthy Family on Sirius Satellite Radio and Holistic Health Today, and has been interviewed on The People’s Pharmacy, The Gary Null Show, and more than two dozen other radio programs airing on NPR, XM Radio, and numerous AM and FM stations.

Dr. Ciaramicoli is the author of Performance Addiction: The Dangerous New Syndrome and How to Stop It from Ruining Your Life (Wiley 2004) and The Power of Empathy: A Practical Guide to Creating Intimacy, Self-Understanding, and Lasting Love (Dutton 2000), which is now published in 7 languages and is soon to be released in Turkey. His first book, Treatment of Abuse and Addiction, A Holistic Approach(Jason Aronson, 1997) was selected as Book of the Month by The Psychotherapy Book News. He is also the coauthor of Beyond the Influence: Understanding and Defeating Alcoholism (Bantam 2000). Dr. Ciaramicoli lives in a suburb of Boston with his wife and two daughters.

Reviews

[M · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book and think it's a good overview on what empathy is, and how it is the best bridge between people to strengthen relationships and create lasting intimacy. As I finished it, however, I realized that I had been hoping for more practical instructions on how to start practicing empathic responses. I feel like I understand a lot more than I did before I read this book, but I need more information on how to apply these ideas into my daily interactions with other people.

[Shane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very good and comprehensive overview of empathy in all aspects of our lives. There were some parts that confused me a bit (how everyone had failed saving the brother from suicide, yet the author goes on and on about how empathic their dad is - but doesn't explain the contradiction there; also a few short examples were thrown in here and there without seeming to be relevant to the point being made). It also seemed as though empathy was used to cover/substitute for every other emotion out there (love is empathy, etc) which diluted the message somewhat. However, overall it had some interesting info/insights.

[Tesha · Rating 2 out of 5]

so far i am really having trouble getting into the book it is good its just not keeping my attition like i hoped it would.... I made it to the second paet of the book and it is somewhat better it shows you more on how to put more Empathy in you life. I think the reason I'm not as into it as I thought I would be is because I did't know when I first picked it up I would be reading more about him and his clients and family then how to try and put Empathy in everyday works but then again from reading it I am starting to understand it.
really dont know if I would recamend it to anyone

[Cathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's a lot of wisdom in this book. I read it in a rather fragmented manner, during a period of time when I was having lots of medical appointments, and it helped keep my attention on things other than myself and how I was feeling. Unfortunately you can't "get" empathy from just reading a book, but this has lots of good information, inspiration, and suggestions on how to do the hard work. I liked this book so much that I'll return this copy to the friend who lent it to me and buy a copy for myself. I think it will be useful to come back and read this book periodically.

[Legacy Dad · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is great for anyone looking to have deeper relationships. From married couple to leaders. A great book on setting your personal interests aside and focusing on the feelings and needs of others.

[Faizal Mohamad · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's important to understand people better and not making snap judgement.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

As someone who is not naturally inclined to empathy, this book helped to expand my mind to those around me and offered practical daily tips for increasing my connection to those around me.

[YHC · Rating 4 out of 5]

if I have read this book earlier. I guess i could have handled some of my friendship in a much suitable manners. Well. C'est la vie! we can not reverse the time. Just move on!

[Jess Upon A Time · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I've always said I am an empathic person and this book helped me see in which ways I can do a lot better. I am glad, though, that I have been putting into practice a lot of the things he wrote about as well. There were so many quotes in here that I typed up and quoted. One of my favorite bits that I can remember at the top of my head was: when someone is telling you how they feel or a tough situation they are going through, it's not actually helpful to them to hear about your own trials and tribulations. That is not listening with empathy. The book goes into great depth about how to listen with empathy which I think is really important.

It's split into 2 parts. The first part is full of stories of his own past and his clients. I really enjoyed reading about them all. He also talks about the dark side of empathy which was very interesting. The second part breaks down empathy into 8 parts and goes into great depth for each one. There is a chapter dedicated to honesty, humility, acceptance, tolerance, gratitude, faith, hope and forgiveness and how empathy leads to a better understanding of each.

[Belia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book and will work to implement some of the lessons found therein. The ability to not just listen but to also try to understand another's position is a powerful skill that if harnessed and practiced will most certainly strengthen current and future relationships.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Concise yet easy to read. Dr. C gives many memorable stories from his life and practice to broaden understanding of empathy.

[Mischa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Empathy is his higher power, and I dig it.

[Tiziano Pertile · Rating 4 out of 5]

Muy bueno, lástima que tirando al final se pone muy autoayuda. Pero hasta esas secciones tienen partes rescatables. Aprendí mucho.

[Robert Hudder · Rating 2 out of 5]

Was looking for something to help me with figuring out when to be empathetic and when not to. Hey, I have attachment issues and part of my issue is knowing when is it okay to share and when is it okay to ask, etc.

So, this did posit a framework and a rationale. The question is whether that is enough to give me more than just pause for thought. I think that this coupled with a bunch of other stuff I am doing may help. Once again, it is just another tool to have in the tool box.