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160 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1983
Inventions
Do not suppose for a minute that fiction the way I do it is a simple diversion. As little as whaling or planting crops. My inventions do not rely on any of the usual tricks and do not take advantage of people's gullibility or their lack of imagination. There is rarely a specific purpose in mind, either to insult or disarm. My creations are aimed at no-one, they are not assaults. Whoever envies me may feel insulted, but I can only add that being able to make things up is not enviable.
If I believed it would be an advantage here and now to have a band march through the beach resort, what is to keep me from it. But I would need impeccable reasons. Let us say the mayor has died, or some foreign lady, reeking of money and possessions, has just drowned unexpectedly in the sea – then I have my grounds. The first row of drummers is just itching to step off.
Of course there are many who can invent and cast their spells without a second thought. Virtuosi, all of them, able to rely on vast reportories of ideas. As a rule they are enormously productive, they can climb any mountain four times over, and change freighters into submarines, and when the going gets rough, submarines back to freighters. They can captivate their guests by pulling islands out of inlets, village ponds, or puddles, and everything they do, in jest or boredom, comes off without a hitch. But with me, nothing ever comes of boredom.
When I am bored, I can work as long and hard as I like for some company, nothing happens. Not even a calling card.
Here is the thing with the rabbit. I could produce a rabbit, a respectable, nearly perfect rabbit. I know all the features. But what are rabbits to me. Personally I would rather have an elephant.
I could fabricate a donkey. But where from there. He would not have a purpose, he would be doomed to a miserable pointless life, probably starving or being beaten to death. And I would have to be travelling somewhere south to do him justice. That is why I prefer to leave him alone.
A bad life and a bad death – that is how it would be viewed by a believer in respectable prosperity. That is how the church would think of it, and the aristocracy. What Caravaggio thought, we don’t know. It is conceivable that he still thought he had lived too brightly, too innocuously. Did Villon and Rimbaud live bad lives? Did they die bad deaths? Did they consider their lives botched, badly lived or false?
Bad, says the bourgeois, and stays inside his shelter.
Mealymouth says it, the Pharisee, the dignitary and the bureaucrat.
The eater of dust doesn’t say it. Klesit doesn’t say it, nor does Clemens Brentano. Robert Walser doesn’t say it. Pontormo doesn’t say it and Verlaine doesn’t say it. Pascin, Soutine, Gauguin, Genet, Beddoes and Lowry waste no words on it.
In rage and despair, that’s the gist of it.
Not in despair at oneself, but in rage and despair at this accident that has been readying itself for a lifetime, and leads to a situation without rhyme or reason. Caravaggio made to look ridiculous, forced to assume the defensive, exposed to the sun, impotent and finally sick to death. A condition you can do nothing about. Despair at chance. Despair that chance should lay waste his eyes and hands, despair at the anonymity of this process.
Rage against death.
David seems to know his adversary. He understands his victim and is sorry for him, loves him perhaps. This is a breathtakingly deep communication, and it is the most human, intimate, creaturely picture that Caravaggio ever painted. There’s no champion here, there are just two players in a tragedy. The question of guilt seems to have lost all force, but not Caravaggio’s self-reproach: Who am I? Who have I come to be?
A reckoning down to the bare bones. [...]
It is the death-conscious and life-reflecting finale to his existence, private and public.
"They make swimming motions, in order to ascertain, perhaps, that there is water [...] they frantically hope that they will stumble and fall, for this would mean that stones were there, which might indicate the existence of a mountain."Tear Animals beautful, mysterious, and melancholy. About strange animals that visit this town one day and quietly weep. The residents put out buckets for them and by morning they are filled with tear water. One day they disappear and never come back.
"He asks me if the sea will leave if there is war, and when I say no, he is satisfied."Tulllipan reminds me a little of Frankenstein's monster. One a scientific creation, the other an artistic one but I ache for them both as odd balls out that don't belong on this cruel earth.
We have toppledIt recalled for me a Robert Musil quote on the same theme that I was sure also contained the word "desiccated" but when I read it again, the word was not there:
the tree, have chased
the tree through autumn,
have hung it with hailstones and snow:
we have dried the rivers
and counted the water,
have held the wave up to the light,
and have weighed the flow
in the fountain:
we thought we could capture
the owl, feathers it shed
was all we held, we copied
the owl's talk in our language,
which says: The moon
is a desiccated sun!
“to transform wisdom, even as it is, into a theory of life, and so to extract some ‘content’ from the motion of those who were moved: what is left over is about as much as remains of a jelly-fish’s delicately opalescent body after it has been lifted out of the water and laid on the sand. The teachings of the inspired crumble into dust in the rationality of the uninspired, crumble into contradiction and nonsense.”It's fascinating how in my mind I was sure that word was there, that the dredged up jellyfish was desiccated, but that in my mis-memory, I had connected these two quotes about the inability to speak.