You're Out and You're Ugly, Too!

by Durwood Merrill

After decades of abuse and spittle, Major League umpire Durwood Merrill strikes back with some pretty incisive, funny, and no-holds-barred anecdotes. When his book stays in the game, it's a real hoot, light and folksy; how can you not laugh with a guy who can admit that "Folks around the American League say I've sent a few pitchers to the Hall of Fame before their time because my strike zone tends to swell like George Steinbrenner's ego"? It's his own ego, though, that has him swinging for the seats and coming up short; he's not much of a memoirist. Thankfully, like a good umpire, he keeps his personal interference to a minimum and mostly sticks to business, offering some tough prescriptions for what ails the game, and some solid dissection of the intricacies of his craft. His thoughts on Pete Rose might lead you to believe that Charlie Hustle is the book's title character. -- Jeff Silverman, Sports editor

Genres: Baseball, Sports, Biography, Nonfiction

MP3 CD

First published January 1, 1998

Reviews

[Josh Hitch · Rating 4 out of 5]

Merrill was an interesting character with a fascinating life. A man who had a whole career as a high school coach and just made principle when he decided to chase some dreams. He reported to the umpire school in Florida to start a new career at the bottom, everyone else there with him was a decade younger. This book was written after a couple of decades in the majors as a well known umpire. Ol Durwood has a lot to say about players, managers, the game itself, other umpires, and life itself.

Highly recommended, a well done book from a character and it was enjoyable reading the thoughts from a ump I remember seeing when I was watching baseball.

[Richard Simon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. I'm surprised it was only 3.59 on Goodreads. I thought it was full of funny stories. If you love baseball and enjoy funny true stories this book is for you. If you are not a baseball fan, choose something else. It was good to get the perspective of a long-time umpire because we hear a lot from the players and managers. A few of the stories were hilarious and I still relate them to fellow baseball fans

[Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

The umpires of professional baseball have a unique perspective on the game. They have to make instantaneous decisions and believe in the old saying, “You have to be perfect your first day and improve over time.” Baseball also has the tradition where the players, coaches and managers can argue with the umpires. In many ways it is part of the theater of the sport. Nothing riles up the home crowd more than when the manager of their team and an umpire go face-to-face in what is commonly called a rhubarb.
Longtime baseball umpire Derwood Merrill has written a book detailing his experiences on the field. One is struck with how poorly paid umpires are in the minor leagues and how dangerous it can sometimes be, especially in Latin America. Gunfire and police escorts are common there.
The insight into the thought processes of umpires is very revealing, they understand that they will miss a call on occasion. It reminds you of the saying about cornerbacks in the NFL. When they get beat for a touchdown, they have to have a short memory, because there is always another big play coming up. Dwelling on a failure is a recipe for more failure.
This is an enjoyable book for any fan of baseball. One of the best points made is that there has never been even one incident where an umpire’s integrity has been seriously questioned. When the gamblers that paid off the Chicago Black Sox were asked why they didn’t try to bribe the umpires, they responded by saying, “The price was too high.” When asked for specifics, the response was, “They were on a very high floor and if we had gone to them, they would have thrown us out the window.”
Merrill has many stories to tell, and he has made the sports world richer for his telling them. However, the title is awful, personal insults like that get people kicked out of ballgames.

[Susan Dennis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a mystery at all. But, if you love baseball like I do, you'll love this journal of this famous umpire's career. It's not a glossed over report of the wonders of baseball. Merrill loves and admires some players, managers and other umpires. And he's definitely on the other side of the mat from a whole series of others and his book gives his own personal poop on all of them. It's a marvelous new perspective on the game.

[Phil · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love baseball, and I love baseball stories. This book was mostly an autobiography, and the stories and anecdotes that never receive media coverage are why I read these sorts of memoirs. Hilarious stories about players and managers from when I was kid. Durwood Merrill had a huge heart and his charitable work for poor folks far outweighed he importance of his work on the field. Requiescat in pace.

[Martin Neale · Rating 4 out of 5]

The story of one of baseball's most characteristic umpires and his career in the big leagues. He comes across as slightly over sentimental at times, but this is an enjoyable read if you love baseball.

[Brandon Warne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good, not great? Liked the stories about him and Steve Palermo, but agree with reviewer that a ghost writer might have been better.

[Ken Heard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although repetitious in some spots, Durwood Merrill's book is an entertaining read about his MLB umpiring career from 1977 until 1997 when the book was written. It does read, though, as if he wrote the book over a long period of time and forgot that he mentioned a few tales in, say, Chapter 2 that he re-mentioned in, say, Chapter 8. There is no chronological order to this, but, still, it's a fun book to spend time with.

And, he doesn't pull punches on some people. I first thought it'd be a light read and glossy. Instead, he does tear into Tim McCarver's lack of knowledge in the broadcast booth quite a bit. He defends Albert "Joey" Belle, even though the Cleveland outfielder had a temper that resulted in him throwing baseballs at fans during practices. He also loves Ken Griffey.

Sadly, Merrill, 64, died of a heart attack in 2003, four years after retiring.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was flipping thru the channels last night and landed on a MLB game. I googled Durwood Merrill to see if he was still working as an umpire in the major leagues. He was on a Wikipedia site that said he died of a heart attack in 2003. Sad to read that, as I would have enjoyed watching him work a game.

An entertaining read, especially if you're familiar with the teams, coaches, managers, players and the politics of baseball. The book itself wasn't very cohesive as far as sticking to a timeline. It jumped around quite a bit, and ended with a chapter on his charity work in Hooks, TX.

I probably wouldn't read this again, but I enjoyed the author's humor in relaying personal accounts of actual games, experiences and incidents.

[Brandon Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a pretty good book with a lot of funny stories about Merrill and his life as an umpire. The only drawback from the book is that there is a lot of repetition from previous books written by umpires. Merrill used at least 2 stories from the Ron Luciano book(The Umpire Strikes Back). Al in all, if you are a baseball fan it makes for a fun 2 or 3 days of reading.

[Elaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really great insider's look into this great game. Think the umpires have it easy? Ha! Read this and you'll gain new respect for the hardest working men in baseball. Merrill has seen in all, and he tells his story with a lot of heart and humor.

[Dale Stonehouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

For such a bad umpire this was a pretty good read. All umpires have great stories and at least he didn't try to say he was good.

[Jonnyh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was good. It was basically about the life and experiences of Durwood Merrill. If you like baseball, you will like this book.

[Brad · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of my favorite books. It is like you are sitting in Mr. Merrill's living room and he is telling you stories about baseball. If you are a fan of the game, you will really enjoy this book.