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Reflections and Memories of An Amish Misfit: "My therapist says that’s not true, but I digress"
If you believe that all Amish people are truly good and should never be criticized for anything, this is not your story. You should go find another story to read that puts them on a pedestal. Don't bother reading this book!
This book is a story of childhood trauma, desperation and survival as a born Amish, queer, neurodivergent and AFAB person in America's Amish country, with oppression and silencing from all sides.
A collective failure of adults within Medical, Secular and Amish communities to provide safety to abused children.
How many more children are there like this?
How long are we, collectively sitting back and allowing these human rights violations to continue in the land of the brave and home of the free?
This book is a story of childhood trauma, desperation and survival as a born Amish, queer, neurodivergent and AFAB person in America's Amish country, with oppression and silencing from all sides.
A collective failure of adults within Medical, Secular and Amish communities to provide safety to abused children.
How many more children are there like this?
How long are we, collectively sitting back and allowing these human rights violations to continue in the land of the brave and home of the free?
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
155 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 15, 2022
74 people are currently reading
1284 people want to read
About the author
Mary Byler
4 books23 followersMary Byler, Born Amish, is the CEO of The Misfit Amish, an organization they founded to create and provide meaningful and educational resources for survivors, medical and legal support systems. She is certified in social and behavioral research by the Collaborative Institutional Training Initiative and serves as a researcher and cultural advisor for the Lock Haven University study on child sexual abuse in conservative Anabaptist communities. They are actively working on publication of a peer reviewed study on Amish and Anabaptist Child Sexual Abuse with Tara Mitchell PHD, Lock Haven University, presenting educational information to Healthcare Providers, Domestic Violence Advocates and CYS/DHS to bridge the cultural gaps, while collaborating with The Plain People’s Podcast, other professionals and experts to continue creating resources that will enable Amish and Mennonites to access information that meets them where they are.
As an educator and advocate for Amish children, she collaborates with other organizations and agencies to provide research supported and evidence best practice-based resources for Amish/Plain communities and survivors. A medical coder by profession, Byler also holds a Master certificate in life coaching, multiple certifications in trauma awareness, and specializes in working with survivors from cults and conservative sectarian religious groups. Byler was a co-creator of a recent exhibit in Lancaster County on Amish/Plain clothing and sexual assault. She produces audio and video recordings of Amish/Plain survivor stories, with a focus on LGBTQ survivor stories.
As an educator and advocate for Amish children, she collaborates with other organizations and agencies to provide research supported and evidence best practice-based resources for Amish/Plain communities and survivors. A medical coder by profession, Byler also holds a Master certificate in life coaching, multiple certifications in trauma awareness, and specializes in working with survivors from cults and conservative sectarian religious groups. Byler was a co-creator of a recent exhibit in Lancaster County on Amish/Plain clothing and sexual assault. She produces audio and video recordings of Amish/Plain survivor stories, with a focus on LGBTQ survivor stories.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews
December 17, 2022
This true story really shows the dark truth of what can happen in a patriarchal religion that is given complete control to pretty much do as they wish. Religions like the Amish operate as their own governing body and are only held accountable to Americas laws when someone decides to hold them accountable.
Mary Byler's story is a reflection of that reality and is true to what I witnessed as a young Amish woman. Her story took me back to that time and validated the things that I saw and experienced. Since leaving the Amish I have interviewed many different former Amish and sadly so many of them have a similar heartbreaking story.
My hope is that Mary's story will open the eyes of the outside world and help them to see that Amish romance novels are just that, novels, they are not a true depiction of Amish life. Amish tourism is also a fairy tale and only shows you what they want you to see. I know that Mary's story will raise a lot of awareness and go onto to make the world a better place. The first step in making a difference is to tell the world that the problem exists.
Mary Byler's story is a reflection of that reality and is true to what I witnessed as a young Amish woman. Her story took me back to that time and validated the things that I saw and experienced. Since leaving the Amish I have interviewed many different former Amish and sadly so many of them have a similar heartbreaking story.
My hope is that Mary's story will open the eyes of the outside world and help them to see that Amish romance novels are just that, novels, they are not a true depiction of Amish life. Amish tourism is also a fairy tale and only shows you what they want you to see. I know that Mary's story will raise a lot of awareness and go onto to make the world a better place. The first step in making a difference is to tell the world that the problem exists.
January 21, 2023
If art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable, this memoir is an absolute work of art.
For survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, religious trauma, bullying, and child abuse- it contains wise words of comfort, solidarity, a little bit on coping strategies, and a lot of hope for the future.
For those who only think of the Amish as a peaceful, idealic, hard working community where you can get beautifully crafted furniture, delicious baked goods, and great plants from greenhouses- it contains a harsh, disturbing, and absolutely crucial reality check and call to action (including tips on how you can help).
People who are trying to protect the Amish image and brand may say that Mary is villianizing them and giving them a bad name. This is not true. Mary's work humanizes Amish people and counters the damage done by romanticizing and idolizing them. Amish people are whole, complex individuals and this is a call to see and treat them as such.
Mary speaks of her love for her Amish family, some of her favorite memories from childhood, and even fond memories of Amish food and baked goods.
Those positive reflections and memories are skillfully mixed in with traumatic and horrifying ones. You'll read details of sexual and domestic violence, bullying, suicidal ideation, and human rights violations. You'll also read about the absolute failure of Amish and English adults and systems to protect Amish children.
The information that Mary shares in this memoir is difficult to process, but the writing makes it quick and easy to receive.
As Mary invites the reader to do: "sit with your discomfort and find out where you stand on the issue of combatting child abuse in America".
For survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, religious trauma, bullying, and child abuse- it contains wise words of comfort, solidarity, a little bit on coping strategies, and a lot of hope for the future.
For those who only think of the Amish as a peaceful, idealic, hard working community where you can get beautifully crafted furniture, delicious baked goods, and great plants from greenhouses- it contains a harsh, disturbing, and absolutely crucial reality check and call to action (including tips on how you can help).
People who are trying to protect the Amish image and brand may say that Mary is villianizing them and giving them a bad name. This is not true. Mary's work humanizes Amish people and counters the damage done by romanticizing and idolizing them. Amish people are whole, complex individuals and this is a call to see and treat them as such.
Mary speaks of her love for her Amish family, some of her favorite memories from childhood, and even fond memories of Amish food and baked goods.
Those positive reflections and memories are skillfully mixed in with traumatic and horrifying ones. You'll read details of sexual and domestic violence, bullying, suicidal ideation, and human rights violations. You'll also read about the absolute failure of Amish and English adults and systems to protect Amish children.
The information that Mary shares in this memoir is difficult to process, but the writing makes it quick and easy to receive.
As Mary invites the reader to do: "sit with your discomfort and find out where you stand on the issue of combatting child abuse in America".
February 15, 2024
Brave Story of Childhood Abuse Amongst the Amish
This book was a difficult read, but I believe a necessary read in order to bring awareness to sexual abuse & rape that happens in many Amish households. I'm not making this statement solely on this book alone, as I have heard many stories from women who have fled the Amish. Mary's story is deeply tragic, but one day she found the courage to leave, stand up for herself & create a new life. You are More than Enough, Mary! Don't ever stop believing in yourself!
This book was a difficult read, but I believe a necessary read in order to bring awareness to sexual abuse & rape that happens in many Amish households. I'm not making this statement solely on this book alone, as I have heard many stories from women who have fled the Amish. Mary's story is deeply tragic, but one day she found the courage to leave, stand up for herself & create a new life. You are More than Enough, Mary! Don't ever stop believing in yourself!
December 17, 2022
This is a powerful book. Some may recognize the name Mary Byler from a docu-series on child abuse called Sins of the Amish, and this book does tell Mary's story. It includes the abuse she experienced from multiple family members, and the ways in which the communities where she lived normalized her abuse, as well as the abuse of other children. It pulls no punches in how that abuse affected her. However, it is not just about the abuse. It is about Mary, as a whole person; it talks about her experiences with school, playing, and having a pet, among other things. Just as it includes her abuse, it includes her favorite things in childhood. Just as it includes her abusers, it includes her role models. This is an unapologetic look at the good and bad in Mary's childhood, and that is part of what makes it compelling.
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May 13, 2024Wow, what a story! Really eye opening about how wrong things can go in high control religious environments. This story is one that men and others like me who grew up in comparatively privileged Plain homes should read, regardless of where you fall on the faith spectrum currently. It really goes to show how terribly the least privileged in conservative Anabaptist communities can be treated where the privileged people (mostly men) control the narratives.
The story is a bit scattered and confusing at points, but it's still worth the read, and I'm grateful that Mary pushed through all the adversity and shared her story with us.
The story is a bit scattered and confusing at points, but it's still worth the read, and I'm grateful that Mary pushed through all the adversity and shared her story with us.
December 11, 2023
Starting this story with limited knowledge of the Amish way of life, I was deeply moved by Mary Byler's revelations in the book. Byler adeptly exposes the patriarchal nature of the Amish community in a truly harrowing manner, and it's portrayed in a really upsetting way. I felt sorry for Mary and the tough situations she had to deal with. Sharing such a painful story takes a lot of courage, and I admire Mary for being so brave and open about her experiences.
January 30, 2023
I finished this book a few weeks ago, and decided to let it’s impact ruminate a bit before posting the review here.
It. Is. Impactful.
It shows how insidious and rampant abuse of all forms is within the Amish culture.
It also shows how, sadly, a good name is held in higher regard than a family bond.
Mary artfully describes her life growing up within the Amish, as well as recounts her childhood experiences with abuse. She also describes how she was able to leave, and how she has been able to move forward.
Fair warning: this book is NOT for the faint of heart. There will be times you will need to put it down and walk away for your own mental health, and that’s ok.
I definitely recommend this book.
It. Is. Impactful.
It shows how insidious and rampant abuse of all forms is within the Amish culture.
It also shows how, sadly, a good name is held in higher regard than a family bond.
Mary artfully describes her life growing up within the Amish, as well as recounts her childhood experiences with abuse. She also describes how she was able to leave, and how she has been able to move forward.
Fair warning: this book is NOT for the faint of heart. There will be times you will need to put it down and walk away for your own mental health, and that’s ok.
I definitely recommend this book.
March 23, 2023
I have witnessed many romanticize the Amish, claiming their simple life is one of innocence and that we should all strive to be more like the Amish.
Not all Amish people are bad, I do think the religion and culture foster control and abuse.
I have read books from other former Amish with similar stories. And I have read books from women who have escaped groups like the FLDS.
What Mary went through was heartbreaking, and she is brave to share her story. I hope her story will help others to heal from their trauma, who have had similar experiences. And I hope her story will help people view the Amish not as innocents but as humans who are individuals that are flawed and capable of atrocities.
Not all Amish people are bad, I do think the religion and culture foster control and abuse.
I have read books from other former Amish with similar stories. And I have read books from women who have escaped groups like the FLDS.
What Mary went through was heartbreaking, and she is brave to share her story. I hope her story will help others to heal from their trauma, who have had similar experiences. And I hope her story will help people view the Amish not as innocents but as humans who are individuals that are flawed and capable of atrocities.
May 14, 2024
“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." Matthew 18:6 (New International Version)
I can only assume that Jesus had in mind Mary Byler's family as described in this book when he spoke those words thousands of years ago.
Reflections and Memories of an Amish Misfit is right up there with Paid For by Rachel Moran as one of the hardest books I've ever read. Not linguistically, as Byler writes with a simple, easy to read, almost childlike (I think that's intentional?) prose. No, Amish Misfit is hard because it contains the single largest extended account of childhood sexual assault, physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse/neglect, and spiritual manipulation that I have ever read. I'm a practicing social worker with several years of experience working in the child welfare system, and I had to take breaks, pace myself, and calm myself down while reading this book. It is intense, and while Byler does a very good job of providing content warnings at the beginning (and practical resources for those struggling with their own mental health), I would like to reiterate that this book is NOT for those who are easily upset, or who have PTSD that is easily triggered by the accounts and stories of others.
As a native PA resident with a couple close relationships among plain and ex-plain people, Byler's story was a heartwrenching look into a side of the community that many don't realize exists, and most would rather not see. Byler's picture of the Amish is one that views women as expendable and subservient, lesser as they were "the weaker vessel, created from a rib." I imagine that if I spoke PA Dutch and was able to read some of the familial conversations in their original language that the story would have been even more impactful. The horrific abuse that she endured at the hands of almost every man in her family seems directly tied to that low view of women, combined with the high-control churches and spiritual manipulation enabled therein. It's atrocity after atrocity until the very end of the book, and whenever you think it's hit its lowest point I promise you that it gets worse.
The story does end somewhat abruptly following Byler's flight from her Amish community, and while I believe the story would have more closure if there was another chapter or two wrapping up what followed her leaving (instead of just the newspaper clippings), I understand that is an extremely draining and difficult thing to think about.
Byler clearly had an extremely (and very legitimately) pained relationship with God, and I think it's important for any Christian (especially plain Anabaptist Christians) to grapple with the severity of this story and how damaging it is both for victims, and for their own communities. Not just to abuse, but to cover up the abuse again and again, hiding from it and hoping it will go away instead of repenting and seeking healing. Sexual abuse and child abuse are hardly only Amish problems, and every person of faith should ask themselves what Byler's story should mean for their own understanding of God, and how they will stand up against abuse in their own communities. We all have a choice to either face the darkness in our own communities, or turn a blind eye and hide. Byler convincingly and compellingly shows us her scars and implores us to do the former.
I can only assume that Jesus had in mind Mary Byler's family as described in this book when he spoke those words thousands of years ago.
Reflections and Memories of an Amish Misfit is right up there with Paid For by Rachel Moran as one of the hardest books I've ever read. Not linguistically, as Byler writes with a simple, easy to read, almost childlike (I think that's intentional?) prose. No, Amish Misfit is hard because it contains the single largest extended account of childhood sexual assault, physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse/neglect, and spiritual manipulation that I have ever read. I'm a practicing social worker with several years of experience working in the child welfare system, and I had to take breaks, pace myself, and calm myself down while reading this book. It is intense, and while Byler does a very good job of providing content warnings at the beginning (and practical resources for those struggling with their own mental health), I would like to reiterate that this book is NOT for those who are easily upset, or who have PTSD that is easily triggered by the accounts and stories of others.
As a native PA resident with a couple close relationships among plain and ex-plain people, Byler's story was a heartwrenching look into a side of the community that many don't realize exists, and most would rather not see. Byler's picture of the Amish is one that views women as expendable and subservient, lesser as they were "the weaker vessel, created from a rib." I imagine that if I spoke PA Dutch and was able to read some of the familial conversations in their original language that the story would have been even more impactful. The horrific abuse that she endured at the hands of almost every man in her family seems directly tied to that low view of women, combined with the high-control churches and spiritual manipulation enabled therein. It's atrocity after atrocity until the very end of the book, and whenever you think it's hit its lowest point I promise you that it gets worse.
The story does end somewhat abruptly following Byler's flight from her Amish community, and while I believe the story would have more closure if there was another chapter or two wrapping up what followed her leaving (instead of just the newspaper clippings), I understand that is an extremely draining and difficult thing to think about.
Byler clearly had an extremely (and very legitimately) pained relationship with God, and I think it's important for any Christian (especially plain Anabaptist Christians) to grapple with the severity of this story and how damaging it is both for victims, and for their own communities. Not just to abuse, but to cover up the abuse again and again, hiding from it and hoping it will go away instead of repenting and seeking healing. Sexual abuse and child abuse are hardly only Amish problems, and every person of faith should ask themselves what Byler's story should mean for their own understanding of God, and how they will stand up against abuse in their own communities. We all have a choice to either face the darkness in our own communities, or turn a blind eye and hide. Byler convincingly and compellingly shows us her scars and implores us to do the former.
December 29, 2023
"Reflections and Memories of An Amish Misfit: 'My therapist says that’s not true, but I digress'" is a heart-wrenching memoir penned by Mary Byler, that takes the readers on a harrowing journey of her life growing up in an Amish community. This memoir peels back the glossy image often associated with Amish communities to reveal an untold narrative, ridden with unthinkable episodes of abuse and repression.
From the very first page, Mary does an exceptional job of unraveling her life, presenting her trials, and overcoming adversity in an unabashedly raw, real, and compelling manner. The book is not for the faint-hearted; it takes a deep dive into traumatic events including sexual and physical violence which Byler endured during her years in the Amish settlement. Such content is admittedly challenging to absorb, but vital for shining a light on such grim realities.
While there's a prevailing tendency to romanticize Amish life as idyllic and morally superior, Byler punctures such stereotypes by sharing the unsettling truth. It emphasizes how behind the carefully starched curtains, unscrupulous behavior exists and it's easy to get overlooked due to lack of proper regulation.
In addition to dealing with traumatic episodes, the book also addresses mental health and therapeutic healing in an encouraging light. The therapy sessions, as Byler states in her title, play a crucial role in helping her accept, process, and navigate her way out of a grim past. It reminds readers that acknowledging your pain is not a sign of weakness but a stepping stone towards healing and recovery.
Though disturbing at times, Mary’s narrative is unquestionably important. By chronicling her escape from the insular and oppressive Amish world, she sets an example for others in similar situations, demonstrating the power of resilience, hope, and transformation.
In a nutshell, Reflections and Memories of An Amish Misfit is a raw and haunting memoir. It is an eye-opener and serves as a call-to-action to stop overlooking the heinous crimes committed under the cloak of tradition and religion. Although not a typical light-hearted read, the bravery, resilience, and candidness Byler displays is certain to leave an indelible mark on its readers. This book is undoubtedly a critical addition to the bookshelf of memoirs narrating lives that usually go unheard. It's a must-read, as it underlines the importance of accountability, speaking up, and acknowledging mental health issues, especially within such traditional, insular communities.
From the very first page, Mary does an exceptional job of unraveling her life, presenting her trials, and overcoming adversity in an unabashedly raw, real, and compelling manner. The book is not for the faint-hearted; it takes a deep dive into traumatic events including sexual and physical violence which Byler endured during her years in the Amish settlement. Such content is admittedly challenging to absorb, but vital for shining a light on such grim realities.
While there's a prevailing tendency to romanticize Amish life as idyllic and morally superior, Byler punctures such stereotypes by sharing the unsettling truth. It emphasizes how behind the carefully starched curtains, unscrupulous behavior exists and it's easy to get overlooked due to lack of proper regulation.
In addition to dealing with traumatic episodes, the book also addresses mental health and therapeutic healing in an encouraging light. The therapy sessions, as Byler states in her title, play a crucial role in helping her accept, process, and navigate her way out of a grim past. It reminds readers that acknowledging your pain is not a sign of weakness but a stepping stone towards healing and recovery.
Though disturbing at times, Mary’s narrative is unquestionably important. By chronicling her escape from the insular and oppressive Amish world, she sets an example for others in similar situations, demonstrating the power of resilience, hope, and transformation.
In a nutshell, Reflections and Memories of An Amish Misfit is a raw and haunting memoir. It is an eye-opener and serves as a call-to-action to stop overlooking the heinous crimes committed under the cloak of tradition and religion. Although not a typical light-hearted read, the bravery, resilience, and candidness Byler displays is certain to leave an indelible mark on its readers. This book is undoubtedly a critical addition to the bookshelf of memoirs narrating lives that usually go unheard. It's a must-read, as it underlines the importance of accountability, speaking up, and acknowledging mental health issues, especially within such traditional, insular communities.
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January 4, 2024Thank you to Mary Byler in gifting me her story via a giveaway!
I refuse to give this a star rating as this is Mary's story and I respect that.
First off: Seriously, fuck the patriarchy. I have read many books on religions that hide and almost condone sexual abuse. Shameful. Dang. Just stop that and behave right.
Secondly, we need more people like Mary that will scream from the rooftops about their abuse and strive to change generations to come. Be part of the change and DO something. Mary has a list in the back of her book on different ways to help (from small to big) where everyone can do a little bit to shed light on this epidemic.
I appreciated the PA Dutch language use but it was lost on me and I skipped over it to get to the translation into English. Also, it was mindful of Mary to not sensationalize her abuse and I applaud her for that. We don't need a graphic narrative to validate that the abuse happened and how truly horrible it is for survivors.
I refuse to give this a star rating as this is Mary's story and I respect that.
First off: Seriously, fuck the patriarchy. I have read many books on religions that hide and almost condone sexual abuse. Shameful. Dang. Just stop that and behave right.
Secondly, we need more people like Mary that will scream from the rooftops about their abuse and strive to change generations to come. Be part of the change and DO something. Mary has a list in the back of her book on different ways to help (from small to big) where everyone can do a little bit to shed light on this epidemic.
I appreciated the PA Dutch language use but it was lost on me and I skipped over it to get to the translation into English. Also, it was mindful of Mary to not sensationalize her abuse and I applaud her for that. We don't need a graphic narrative to validate that the abuse happened and how truly horrible it is for survivors.
January 12, 2023
Wonderful read
February 10, 2023
Heartbreaking
This author has suffered the worst childhood of abuse! Brought up Amish she survives her upbringing
I wish that she would have written more of an ending is why i only gave this a 3 star rating
This author has suffered the worst childhood of abuse! Brought up Amish she survives her upbringing
I wish that she would have written more of an ending is why i only gave this a 3 star rating
December 25, 2022
Truthful, raw. True to the culture. Very heart-breaking.
January 24, 2024
One more voice…
So important to speak up and share the things that happen to us. It’s unfortunate that this book has to exist and the things described should have happened to anyone especially to any one person. But that she wrote her story and that she is on her healing journey , thankful that she is able to write this and speak up. The more we can bring to awareness the wickedness, the more we can have compassion and stand up for the weak, the oppressed and abused the better this world will be. Thank you Mary for sharing your story.
So important to speak up and share the things that happen to us. It’s unfortunate that this book has to exist and the things described should have happened to anyone especially to any one person. But that she wrote her story and that she is on her healing journey , thankful that she is able to write this and speak up. The more we can bring to awareness the wickedness, the more we can have compassion and stand up for the weak, the oppressed and abused the better this world will be. Thank you Mary for sharing your story.
April 21, 2023
If you think all Amish are Amazing: Read this.
Mary Byler lays out the real, the raw, and the horror of what many Amish children face. It screams at you from the page that secretive religion inherently begets horrific secrets, and the price that is being paid is children. If you want a book about the fantasy life of romanticism in Amish Country, don’t read this book. But if you want a book about coming out of horrors and rising above, a book about the intense heart cries for justice, and a book about escape from a world so evil your mind cannot comprehend, then you have come to the right place. Buckle up, readers, your world is about to shift.
Mary Byler lays out the real, the raw, and the horror of what many Amish children face. It screams at you from the page that secretive religion inherently begets horrific secrets, and the price that is being paid is children. If you want a book about the fantasy life of romanticism in Amish Country, don’t read this book. But if you want a book about coming out of horrors and rising above, a book about the intense heart cries for justice, and a book about escape from a world so evil your mind cannot comprehend, then you have come to the right place. Buckle up, readers, your world is about to shift.
July 10, 2023
Poorly written
I am sorry for all she endured and can relate to abuse. I'm glad she had the courage to put a spotlight on this issue. There are things I do admire about the Amish, but they are still humans, and capable if sinning just like anyone. The style of writing was amateurish but I need to remember her lack of education. I wish her well and pray she doesn't give up on God.
I am sorry for all she endured and can relate to abuse. I'm glad she had the courage to put a spotlight on this issue. There are things I do admire about the Amish, but they are still humans, and capable if sinning just like anyone. The style of writing was amateurish but I need to remember her lack of education. I wish her well and pray she doesn't give up on God.
May 1, 2025
Mary Byler
I have followed Mary’s brave story and I hope she will continue writing about how she got her education and how she became such a powerful activist! Mary has told her story in such a calm and consistent way that the impact has been life changing in desire to protect more children and women from men’s abuse and tyranny! Abuses in the name of Religion! Mary , I am so proud of you!
I have followed Mary’s brave story and I hope she will continue writing about how she got her education and how she became such a powerful activist! Mary has told her story in such a calm and consistent way that the impact has been life changing in desire to protect more children and women from men’s abuse and tyranny! Abuses in the name of Religion! Mary , I am so proud of you!
December 18, 2022
Life gave Mary lemons and before she could enjoy the sweetness of the lemonade, they crushed her soul again! The depravity of perverts is hard to fathom and yet it's played out in a lot of homes.
This is not an anomaly among the Amish. It is the norm where I come from.
This is not an anomaly among the Amish. It is the norm where I come from.
May 24, 2023
Anyone who has an idea of perfection of the Amish lifestyle would benefit in reading this book. This will bring the reality that no one group is perfect. I highly recommend it!
December 2, 2023
❤️❤️ This book gave me so many emotions. Thank you for sharing your story with me.❤️❤️ you’re so brave and inspiring.
August 18, 2025
’ve always been fascinated by the Amish community, the simplicity, the mystery, and the charm of their way of life. I even used to make regular visits to Amish areas just for the peaceful atmosphere and the incredible baked goods. But after reading Reflections and Memories of an Amish Misfit, that fascination has taken a much more sobering turn.
Mary’s story is powerful, raw, and heartbreaking. As a trauma specialist/social worker, I couldn’t help but feel deeply moved, and at times, disturbed, by what she experienced. Her courage in sharing her truth shines a light on the darker, often hidden struggles that can exist in such closed-off communities. I found myself wanting to do more than just read, I wanted to step in, to be present for the young women who might be silently enduring similar pain.
This book challenged my perception of the Amish world and reminded me that beneath any seemingly idyllic lifestyle, there can be shadows that desperately need acknowledgment and support. It’s a must-read for anyone who’s ever been curious about the Amish and especially for those in helping professions who might feel called to make a difference.
Thank you, Mary, for your vulnerability and strength. Your story will stay with me for a long time.
Mary’s story is powerful, raw, and heartbreaking. As a trauma specialist/social worker, I couldn’t help but feel deeply moved, and at times, disturbed, by what she experienced. Her courage in sharing her truth shines a light on the darker, often hidden struggles that can exist in such closed-off communities. I found myself wanting to do more than just read, I wanted to step in, to be present for the young women who might be silently enduring similar pain.
This book challenged my perception of the Amish world and reminded me that beneath any seemingly idyllic lifestyle, there can be shadows that desperately need acknowledgment and support. It’s a must-read for anyone who’s ever been curious about the Amish and especially for those in helping professions who might feel called to make a difference.
Thank you, Mary, for your vulnerability and strength. Your story will stay with me for a long time.
October 14, 2024
This memoir absolutely crushed my soul and devastated me. The things that Mary Byler endured in the Amish communities that she grew up in make my heart break and my stomach churn. I am so thankful that she was able to get out and that she has committed so much of her life to providing resources for those still in Amish communities enduring similar violent and sexual abuse. This really rounded out the research reading that I have been doing for my upcoming novel and portrays the cycle of abuse in a way that makes sense with their ideals and breaks my heart for anyone going through something similar. I thought I had lived a hard life until I read this. It made me realize that there was a long way down to still fall. While she is not a writer and this book is not structured like a typical book, but instead like regurgitated memories of her childhood as they come, it felt even more genuine. Solid five stars. Some of the most intense non-fiction I have ever read. Byler lived an absolutely brutal life and somehow found a way to make inspiring lemonade out of it all.
May 29, 2024
Mary's story is one that has haunted me throughout the years. I am so grateful she shared her story in her own words with us. As a survivor myself who struggles with cPTSD it was eerie to read some of my very own thoughts that I've never even spoken to anyone else coming out of someone else. I feel just a little less alone and also a little sad for someone else to have to feel that way. As a survivor and mother it was emotionally difficult to read in some parts, but still so good. It is so important to listen to people. When we listen we learn. When we learn better we can do better. We must do better as a society. Mary's book encourages me to use my voice and to not give in to the silence. Mary shares valuable resources and gives us concrete ways we can help. Everyone should read this book with an open mind and heart ready to help heal the world.
March 31, 2025
Mary bravely tells her disturbing and powerful story of being a victim of sexual assault from an early age. Her family members were her perpetrators. Due to the "ways" of the plain community, she was made to feel as though it was her fault when she tried telling her mother and others about the attacks and received no help or justice.
The book is gripping in its horror and veracity. The reader feels so helpless for Mary, but can sense her inner strength. By the end of the book, Mary is strong enough to do what she needs to do for herself.
I would have liked more details about her plans to leave the community and to follow her progress as she made her way into the English world. Maybe there will be another book. I would definitely read it.
The book is gripping in its horror and veracity. The reader feels so helpless for Mary, but can sense her inner strength. By the end of the book, Mary is strong enough to do what she needs to do for herself.
I would have liked more details about her plans to leave the community and to follow her progress as she made her way into the English world. Maybe there will be another book. I would definitely read it.
January 8, 2025
Now I downloaded this book after watching her in a documentary on youtube.
Now while the stories she wrote of her childhood are horrible and its great for the dark side of this world to come to light......the whole book read like an 8 year old writing paragraphs about their day. I think the editor should have done a better job of this story being edited to a more adult audience. I get that she says that she was only allowed up to an 8 grade education and implies that she is neurodivergent but she speaks alot more eloquently than this is written.
Just my opinion.
Its a shame her brother ONLY GOT 1 YEAR SENTENCE. I hope Moses is well. Seemed to be the only sibling that cared about her.
Now while the stories she wrote of her childhood are horrible and its great for the dark side of this world to come to light......the whole book read like an 8 year old writing paragraphs about their day. I think the editor should have done a better job of this story being edited to a more adult audience. I get that she says that she was only allowed up to an 8 grade education and implies that she is neurodivergent but she speaks alot more eloquently than this is written.
Just my opinion.
Its a shame her brother ONLY GOT 1 YEAR SENTENCE. I hope Moses is well. Seemed to be the only sibling that cared about her.
September 11, 2025
This book has a poignant view of survival from inside the repression of an insular religious group. I felt my empathy explode as I read about the chronic abuse and the intense neglect the author describes, but this book is more than a memoir, it is a testament to what can and does happen when people value dogma and cultural practices over human dignity and true justice. It is culturally of great importance and I am incredibly in awe of the courage and gumption the author has to not only share the experiences in this book but to continue to advocate for justice and social change so that less people suffer under similar circumstances.
January 5, 2025
I read this book after seeing Mary interviewed on a podcast. It's an important read but incredibly heartbreaking and frustrating. There are too many times everyone--her family, her community, the government-- let Mary down. I've learned a lot more about the Amish from this book than I did from the horse and buggy tour my family took in Lancaster PA when we went there on vacation when I was a child. It's also made me seriously rethink what freedom of religion should actually mean, or how it can be defined or allowed in a way that doesn't make it so easy for abuse to just continue and continue.
December 13, 2024
It’s weird to say this is a brilliant book as it’s a horrific true story, I read this in a day and considering I have troubles concentrating and I barely ever read.
Baring that in mind the reason why I have given 4 stars and not 5 is simply because of how it is written. Personally I felt that each paragraph jumped from one subject to another at random times and therefore I found it difficult to stay with the book but I forced myself to.
Baring that in mind the reason why I have given 4 stars and not 5 is simply because of how it is written. Personally I felt that each paragraph jumped from one subject to another at random times and therefore I found it difficult to stay with the book but I forced myself to.
September 19, 2024
This book was mostly a bullet list without the bullets. I understand that the author did not want or could not remember enough to really deep dive much of the book, but it did not feel like it had much substance or depth.
I am giving the author an extra star based on being brave enough to do this book at all. I am sure that it took a lot of courage.
I am giving the author an extra star based on being brave enough to do this book at all. I am sure that it took a lot of courage.
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