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Embracing Complementarianism: Turning Biblical Convictions into Positive Church Culture
A biblical vision for the roles of men and women in the church—and how to put them into practice.
It can be tempting to shy away from addressing the issue of gender roles in church because it’s often controversial. But this can result in churches either being increasingly influenced by secular culture or simply sticking with the status quo when it comes to what men and women do in church.
Building on the belief that complementarianism is both biblical and positive, this book focuses on what these convictions look like in practice. Moving beyond the familiar discussions around "gender roles", and leaving room for variety in how readers implement these ideas, it will encourage a church culture where men and women truly partner together—embracing their privileges and responsibilities, and maximizing their gifts, in joyful service of God’s kingdom.
It can be tempting to shy away from addressing the issue of gender roles in church because it’s often controversial. But this can result in churches either being increasingly influenced by secular culture or simply sticking with the status quo when it comes to what men and women do in church.
Building on the belief that complementarianism is both biblical and positive, this book focuses on what these convictions look like in practice. Moving beyond the familiar discussions around "gender roles", and leaving room for variety in how readers implement these ideas, it will encourage a church culture where men and women truly partner together—embracing their privileges and responsibilities, and maximizing their gifts, in joyful service of God’s kingdom.
160 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2022
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285 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews
April 3, 2023
A breath of fresh air. Loved this book; I've never read anything like it. Rather than trying to look in detail at passages in the Bible, Graham and Jane help us to think about how to apply them to our church culture. The book is challenging in parts, forcing us to take a good look at ourselves and ways in which we have often failed to love and treasure God's good design for men and women. I think they've done a good job of not being too prescriptive, allowing readers to come to their own conclusions as to what exactly is appropriate for women/men to do in church, whilst also helping us to examine unconscious bias and ways in which we don't actually practice what we preach. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter are great starting points, and I'll be using them with some members of our staff team to prompt conversations. I think I'll be coming back to this book!
October 19, 2022
‘Rightly understood, complementarianism is an argument for how essential the contribution of women is.’
One of the best books I’ve read in ages. Thankful for this fresh and positive presentation of complementarianism that makes me excited for a lifetime of ministry!
One of the best books I’ve read in ages. Thankful for this fresh and positive presentation of complementarianism that makes me excited for a lifetime of ministry!
December 22, 2022
4.5 stars upgraded to a 5, because I can wholeheartedly encourage Christian leaders to read this book.
It's a hard topic! But they tackled it really well, with great challenges I want to put into practice.
What I loved most was how they framed the whole discussion. It's in the title. Let's embrace complementarianism! i.e. pursue men AND women stepping up in ministry in complementary ways (Don't just list what women can't do)
Some key ideas / quotes
* "Women possess ways of being human that men don't, which means they possess ways of disciple making that men don't." (+ it isn't that man's way of doing things is"normal" and women weird, both are right and good!)
* In our obedience to God, "there is freedom from caricatures and from any one specific cultural embodiment."
* "Rightly understood, complementarianism is an argument for how essential the contribution of women is."
* Complementarianism happens in context of church, and church should feel like a family, not a list of rules. We are saved into a community, and "We should welcome, appreciate and nurture a wide range of ministry from everyone - including women - because that's how churches grow." i.e. Women are essential for growing God's church, and their ministry is good. So pursue this good!
* The words Paul used to describe some women "Contended at my side, co-workers," also used of Timothy and Titus. Not second-class descriptions!
* Our church practice should not come from traditionalism or pramatism. But convictions. Elders should be "convinced in their own minds rather than apologetic, believing that God's word on this is both right and good for his people. ... Being compassionate for those that struggle with this teaching, or have had bad experiences"
Practically for me:
* Nurture the essential help of women in all sorts of ministry! (Sermon preview group, Sounding-boards for elder decisions, Slots in service, Coordinating prayer / pastoral care)
* Be aware of subtle messaging (sermon illustrations with stereotypes)
* Verbally call out sexism when I see it.
* Encourage my church leaders to write a position paper on their view of complementary ministry, to help them and me uphold it as good.
It's a hard topic! But they tackled it really well, with great challenges I want to put into practice.
What I loved most was how they framed the whole discussion. It's in the title. Let's embrace complementarianism! i.e. pursue men AND women stepping up in ministry in complementary ways (Don't just list what women can't do)
Some key ideas / quotes
* "Women possess ways of being human that men don't, which means they possess ways of disciple making that men don't." (+ it isn't that man's way of doing things is"normal" and women weird, both are right and good!)
* In our obedience to God, "there is freedom from caricatures and from any one specific cultural embodiment."
* "Rightly understood, complementarianism is an argument for how essential the contribution of women is."
* Complementarianism happens in context of church, and church should feel like a family, not a list of rules. We are saved into a community, and "We should welcome, appreciate and nurture a wide range of ministry from everyone - including women - because that's how churches grow." i.e. Women are essential for growing God's church, and their ministry is good. So pursue this good!
* The words Paul used to describe some women "Contended at my side, co-workers," also used of Timothy and Titus. Not second-class descriptions!
* Our church practice should not come from traditionalism or pramatism. But convictions. Elders should be "convinced in their own minds rather than apologetic, believing that God's word on this is both right and good for his people. ... Being compassionate for those that struggle with this teaching, or have had bad experiences"
Practically for me:
* Nurture the essential help of women in all sorts of ministry! (Sermon preview group, Sounding-boards for elder decisions, Slots in service, Coordinating prayer / pastoral care)
* Be aware of subtle messaging (sermon illustrations with stereotypes)
* Verbally call out sexism when I see it.
* Encourage my church leaders to write a position paper on their view of complementary ministry, to help them and me uphold it as good.
October 2, 2023
4.5 ⭐️
A very helpful book to kick start your thinking of complementarianism! I read it with a student and the discussion questions at the end of the chapter was very helpful.
I appreciated that it didn’t end up being a list of ‘do’s and don’ts’.
A very helpful book to kick start your thinking of complementarianism! I read it with a student and the discussion questions at the end of the chapter was very helpful.
I appreciated that it didn’t end up being a list of ‘do’s and don’ts’.
October 28, 2022
Lots of very helpful comments and observations that will stay with me for a long time (hopefully forever!)
It feels like an unfair criticism given that they warn at the start that they'll be 'brief' on the theology, but this felt like a bit of a misstep; it's hard to really 'embrace' a theological idea when they don't really talk about it!
It feels like an unfair criticism given that they warn at the start that they'll be 'brief' on the theology, but this felt like a bit of a misstep; it's hard to really 'embrace' a theological idea when they don't really talk about it!
October 2, 2023
I’d go 2.5⭐️ if Goodreads allowed. The extra half star goes to the generally open and warm tone of the writing
***this is a new listing of the book on Goodreads. The page ref in this review are for the paperback print edition***
This book is generous with respect to what ministry convictions it acknowledges might genuinely rest within the bounds of Complementarianism. The book has a generosity of spirit, and it often takes care to differentiate between what is essential to complementarian thinking, and the expressions it can take in different contexts.
1. Ch1 had some helpful and humble insights on the dangers of complementarian culture expression.
2. Ch2-5 explored the principle of gender equality/distinctions from multiple angles. Despite the stated aim, the authors struggled to identify *essential, normative, and scriptural* differences between men/women (beyond the biological).
Apart from personality tendencies and sociological averages, I’m not at all clear on what gendered differences the authors are concerned we don’t “play down” (to use their term). For example on p. 57-58 they write…
“…while we are all called to show compassion to one another, that compassion will be expressed with different words, actions, tone and expression.”
But what is a gendered “word” or “tone”?
Could I as a man express my compassion in actions that are not sufficiently *masculine* or reflective of my gender? My acting, speaking, and expressing will always be the expression of a male human. However the book did not identify how I might establish when I’m failing to express sufficient gendered difference in my words, tone, or expression. I’m not clear which *essential* differences the authors have in mind.
3. At the end of ch3 the authors contrasted selfish/argumentative male “traits/tendencies” with emotional female “traits/tendencies” (p.48 & 59). This is an unfortunate comparison of gendered difference. Argumentativeness and being “clueless” are in and of themselves ungodly characteristics/traits. Being “emotional” is not. I’m certain (!) the authors didn’t mean to make such a comparison, and I hope it could be corrected in a new edition.
4. Ch5 is titled “the GOODNESS of men leading in ministry”, but I’m not sure which particular goods the authors have in mind? In order to speak substantively about the topic, we should be able to identify *what* specifically is good, and not simply the bare fact *that* it is good. Which specific goods are lost when comp convictions are played down? This would be a helpful addition.
5. Ch5-7 unfortunately spoke a lot about “male leadership” (eg p.69 and p.103). A better way of speaking (and one more reflective of the author’s convictions) might have been to say “overseers are to be male” rather than to speak of “male leadership”. Overseeing and “Leadership” are not equivalent phrases.
6. Ch8 had some great reflections on how women actually *experience* bumbling (inauthentic? careless?) applications of so-called complementarian principles. The two authors both include their own (differing) visions of what such complementarian application may look like.
The book was a huge (!) step up from Kevin De Young’s book, but the authors still struggled a little to express HOW to define and describe *difference* in complementarity, as opposed to simply affirming THAT such difference in complementarity exists
Merged review:
I’d go 2.5⭐️ if Goodreads allowed. The extra half star goes to the generally open and warm tone of the writing
***this is a new listing of the book on Goodreads. The page ref in this review are for the paperback print edition***
This book is generous with respect to what ministry convictions it acknowledges might genuinely rest within the bounds of Complementarianism. The book has a generosity of spirit, and it often takes care to differentiate between what is essential to complementarian thinking, and the expressions it can take in different contexts.
1. Ch1 had some helpful and humble insights on the dangers of complementarian culture expression.
2. Ch2-5 explored the principle of gender equality/distinctions from multiple angles. Despite the stated aim, the authors struggled to identify *essential, normative, and scriptural* differences between men/women (beyond the biological).
Apart from personality tendencies and sociological averages, I’m not at all clear on what gendered differences the authors are concerned we don’t “play down” (to use their term). For example on p. 57-58 they write…
“…while we are all called to show compassion to one another, that compassion will be expressed with different words, actions, tone and expression.”
But what is a gendered “word” or “tone”?
Could I as a man express my compassion in actions that are not sufficiently *masculine* or reflective of my gender? My acting, speaking, and expressing will always be the expression of a male human. However the book did not identify how I might establish when I’m failing to express sufficient gendered difference in my words, tone, or expression. I’m not clear which *essential* differences the authors have in mind.
3. At the end of ch3 the authors contrasted selfish/argumentative male “traits/tendencies” with emotional female “traits/tendencies” (p.48 & 59). This is an unfortunate comparison of gendered difference. Argumentativeness and being “clueless” are in and of themselves ungodly characteristics/traits. Being “emotional” is not. I’m certain (!) the authors didn’t mean to make such a comparison, and I hope it could be corrected in a new edition.
4. Ch5 is titled “the GOODNESS of men leading in ministry”, but I’m not sure which particular goods the authors have in mind? In order to speak substantively about the topic, we should be able to identify *what* specifically is good, and not simply the bare fact *that* it is good. Which specific goods are lost when comp convictions are played down? This would be a helpful addition.
5. Ch5-7 unfortunately spoke a lot about “male leadership” (eg p.69 and p.103). A better way of speaking (and one more reflective of the author’s convictions) might have been to say “overseers are to be male” rather than to speak of “male leadership”. Overseeing and “Leadership” are not equivalent phrases.
6. Ch8 had some great reflections on how women actually *experience* bumbling (inauthentic? careless?) applications of so-called complementarian principles. The two authors both include their own (differing) visions of what such complementarian application may look like.
The book was a huge (!) step up from Kevin De Young’s book, but the authors still struggled a little to express HOW to define and describe *difference* in complementarity, as opposed to simply affirming THAT such difference in complementarity exists
***this is a new listing of the book on Goodreads. The page ref in this review are for the paperback print edition***
This book is generous with respect to what ministry convictions it acknowledges might genuinely rest within the bounds of Complementarianism. The book has a generosity of spirit, and it often takes care to differentiate between what is essential to complementarian thinking, and the expressions it can take in different contexts.
1. Ch1 had some helpful and humble insights on the dangers of complementarian culture expression.
2. Ch2-5 explored the principle of gender equality/distinctions from multiple angles. Despite the stated aim, the authors struggled to identify *essential, normative, and scriptural* differences between men/women (beyond the biological).
Apart from personality tendencies and sociological averages, I’m not at all clear on what gendered differences the authors are concerned we don’t “play down” (to use their term). For example on p. 57-58 they write…
“…while we are all called to show compassion to one another, that compassion will be expressed with different words, actions, tone and expression.”
But what is a gendered “word” or “tone”?
Could I as a man express my compassion in actions that are not sufficiently *masculine* or reflective of my gender? My acting, speaking, and expressing will always be the expression of a male human. However the book did not identify how I might establish when I’m failing to express sufficient gendered difference in my words, tone, or expression. I’m not clear which *essential* differences the authors have in mind.
3. At the end of ch3 the authors contrasted selfish/argumentative male “traits/tendencies” with emotional female “traits/tendencies” (p.48 & 59). This is an unfortunate comparison of gendered difference. Argumentativeness and being “clueless” are in and of themselves ungodly characteristics/traits. Being “emotional” is not. I’m certain (!) the authors didn’t mean to make such a comparison, and I hope it could be corrected in a new edition.
4. Ch5 is titled “the GOODNESS of men leading in ministry”, but I’m not sure which particular goods the authors have in mind? In order to speak substantively about the topic, we should be able to identify *what* specifically is good, and not simply the bare fact *that* it is good. Which specific goods are lost when comp convictions are played down? This would be a helpful addition.
5. Ch5-7 unfortunately spoke a lot about “male leadership” (eg p.69 and p.103). A better way of speaking (and one more reflective of the author’s convictions) might have been to say “overseers are to be male” rather than to speak of “male leadership”. Overseeing and “Leadership” are not equivalent phrases.
6. Ch8 had some great reflections on how women actually *experience* bumbling (inauthentic? careless?) applications of so-called complementarian principles. The two authors both include their own (differing) visions of what such complementarian application may look like.
The book was a huge (!) step up from Kevin De Young’s book, but the authors still struggled a little to express HOW to define and describe *difference* in complementarity, as opposed to simply affirming THAT such difference in complementarity exists
Merged review:
I’d go 2.5⭐️ if Goodreads allowed. The extra half star goes to the generally open and warm tone of the writing
***this is a new listing of the book on Goodreads. The page ref in this review are for the paperback print edition***
This book is generous with respect to what ministry convictions it acknowledges might genuinely rest within the bounds of Complementarianism. The book has a generosity of spirit, and it often takes care to differentiate between what is essential to complementarian thinking, and the expressions it can take in different contexts.
1. Ch1 had some helpful and humble insights on the dangers of complementarian culture expression.
2. Ch2-5 explored the principle of gender equality/distinctions from multiple angles. Despite the stated aim, the authors struggled to identify *essential, normative, and scriptural* differences between men/women (beyond the biological).
Apart from personality tendencies and sociological averages, I’m not at all clear on what gendered differences the authors are concerned we don’t “play down” (to use their term). For example on p. 57-58 they write…
“…while we are all called to show compassion to one another, that compassion will be expressed with different words, actions, tone and expression.”
But what is a gendered “word” or “tone”?
Could I as a man express my compassion in actions that are not sufficiently *masculine* or reflective of my gender? My acting, speaking, and expressing will always be the expression of a male human. However the book did not identify how I might establish when I’m failing to express sufficient gendered difference in my words, tone, or expression. I’m not clear which *essential* differences the authors have in mind.
3. At the end of ch3 the authors contrasted selfish/argumentative male “traits/tendencies” with emotional female “traits/tendencies” (p.48 & 59). This is an unfortunate comparison of gendered difference. Argumentativeness and being “clueless” are in and of themselves ungodly characteristics/traits. Being “emotional” is not. I’m certain (!) the authors didn’t mean to make such a comparison, and I hope it could be corrected in a new edition.
4. Ch5 is titled “the GOODNESS of men leading in ministry”, but I’m not sure which particular goods the authors have in mind? In order to speak substantively about the topic, we should be able to identify *what* specifically is good, and not simply the bare fact *that* it is good. Which specific goods are lost when comp convictions are played down? This would be a helpful addition.
5. Ch5-7 unfortunately spoke a lot about “male leadership” (eg p.69 and p.103). A better way of speaking (and one more reflective of the author’s convictions) might have been to say “overseers are to be male” rather than to speak of “male leadership”. Overseeing and “Leadership” are not equivalent phrases.
6. Ch8 had some great reflections on how women actually *experience* bumbling (inauthentic? careless?) applications of so-called complementarian principles. The two authors both include their own (differing) visions of what such complementarian application may look like.
The book was a huge (!) step up from Kevin De Young’s book, but the authors still struggled a little to express HOW to define and describe *difference* in complementarity, as opposed to simply affirming THAT such difference in complementarity exists
May 18, 2023
Helpful book on the issue of complentarianism, both men and women have an important part to play in church ministry. Definitely challenged me on how my convictions should play out in the practicalities of the Church. Found the appendixes quite helpful on this and appreciated the look into the big "T" teaching and small "t" teaching.
Though I do feel that the book should have covered how complentarianism plays out within the home. Little insight into the practicalities of Male headship in the home and how submission should/shouldn't look like.
Though I do feel that the book should have covered how complentarianism plays out within the home. Little insight into the practicalities of Male headship in the home and how submission should/shouldn't look like.
August 31, 2023
This is now my go to recommendation for anyone wanting to think this stuff through well and in positive ways! It is generous, considered, and happy to sit in the ambiguity where it is there. Loved it!
March 15, 2023
I found this book really helpful, mostly because it was honest, didn't burden Christian's consciences unnecessarily, and it took time to play out real-life scenarios to bring the concepts down to earth. Worth dipping into and hanging onto for the future. I'd recommend reading it with a group.
May 18, 2025
Weak(ish) start, strong finish
November 27, 2024
I think this is a very important book for any of complementarian conviction to read. This is not a defense of complementarianism, nor an exegetical proof, but a practical outworking of the belief. I think this is important to understand from the start: this is practical-theology. I am very thankful for the clear affirmation of the goodness of male only leadership.
I would summarize this as: a broad, positive, & practical complementarianism.
Broad: many spectrums are given in this book like big "T" teaching and little "t" teaching, the broad view (men in authority everywhere) and the narrow view (men in authority only in church and home), general trends in man/woman, general teaching vs authoritative teaching, etc. These are helpful spectrums to identify oneself in and the authors say they always fall in the middle of whatever spectrum they give.
Positive: Instead of saying what women cannot do, this book speaks to what women can do and how a church can structure itself to allow women to fully contribute in the health of the church. A core conviction of this book is that the involvement of women in ministry is critical to the health and mission of the church.
Practical: Can women preach? lead bible studies? run committees, etc? This book gives a chapter and an appendix to thinking through these ideas. It gives a few concrete examples of real complementarian churches implementing women within the sunday service and beyond.
My issues with this book.
Because this book is so broad it almost says nothing. It does not give any definition of what a man or a woman is but instead speaks about general trends that often appear in men/women. While they acknowledge that there is a difference, and that difference is good, the difference is not defined. Also because this is such a broad picture, it is trying to account for every possible ecclesial variation that could possibly happen. Instead of being able to speak confessionally or denominationally, they always end with: you need to make up your own mind what this look like in your specific context. So it is helpful for thinking through things but gives no answers.
What I want know:
-What is the difference between a man and a woman?
-What is authoritative teaching?
-What is the difference between teaching/preaching?
- What can a woman do and not go against God's word?
I would summarize this as: a broad, positive, & practical complementarianism.
Broad: many spectrums are given in this book like big "T" teaching and little "t" teaching, the broad view (men in authority everywhere) and the narrow view (men in authority only in church and home), general trends in man/woman, general teaching vs authoritative teaching, etc. These are helpful spectrums to identify oneself in and the authors say they always fall in the middle of whatever spectrum they give.
Positive: Instead of saying what women cannot do, this book speaks to what women can do and how a church can structure itself to allow women to fully contribute in the health of the church. A core conviction of this book is that the involvement of women in ministry is critical to the health and mission of the church.
Practical: Can women preach? lead bible studies? run committees, etc? This book gives a chapter and an appendix to thinking through these ideas. It gives a few concrete examples of real complementarian churches implementing women within the sunday service and beyond.
My issues with this book.
Because this book is so broad it almost says nothing. It does not give any definition of what a man or a woman is but instead speaks about general trends that often appear in men/women. While they acknowledge that there is a difference, and that difference is good, the difference is not defined. Also because this is such a broad picture, it is trying to account for every possible ecclesial variation that could possibly happen. Instead of being able to speak confessionally or denominationally, they always end with: you need to make up your own mind what this look like in your specific context. So it is helpful for thinking through things but gives no answers.
What I want know:
-What is the difference between a man and a woman?
-What is authoritative teaching?
-What is the difference between teaching/preaching?
- What can a woman do and not go against God's word?
December 29, 2022
Helpful, eirenic exploration of what complementarian theology should look like in our churches. Beynon and Tooher clearly lay out Biblical principles (thankfully without over-explaining many well-trodden passages) and discuss how a complementarian church might go about putting them into practice. I particularly appreciated their focus on principles rather than directives, as they acknowledge that every church might choose to do things a little differently. Rather than telling us what to do, they choose instead to provide us with the questions to think through.
My primary concern about this book has already been highlighted in Andrew Bartlett's review (https://michaelfbird.substack.com/p/a...), though he sees it somewhat more negatively than I do. For a book about "embracing" complementarianism, with chapter titles like "The Goodness of Men Leading in Ministry," there is disappointingly little here about why complementarianism is just so good. To better fit the content, the title would perhaps more accurately be, "Living Out Complementarianism," as that's what the book goes on to do. The full-on embrace and celebration, however, never really happens. In Bartlett's review, he sees the lack of celebration as a sign that maybe complementarianism isn't that good (or even true at all). From my perspective, I simply think Beynon and Tooher could have leaned in to their title a little more and really showed us the beauty of a complementarian church.
Overall, there's lots here that's worth reading. The Biblical exegesis is strong, the balance of theory and practice is helpful, and their heart for the flourishing of women's ministry is clear. Most of all, I appreciated the authors' humble tone, particularly Beynon's, as he wrestled with occasional sexism within his own ministry. While EMBRACING COMPLEMENTARIANISM isn't quite the celebration I'd hoped it would be, it does a wonderful job of exploring how upholding distinctions between men and women can create a healthy, thriving local church.
My primary concern about this book has already been highlighted in Andrew Bartlett's review (https://michaelfbird.substack.com/p/a...), though he sees it somewhat more negatively than I do. For a book about "embracing" complementarianism, with chapter titles like "The Goodness of Men Leading in Ministry," there is disappointingly little here about why complementarianism is just so good. To better fit the content, the title would perhaps more accurately be, "Living Out Complementarianism," as that's what the book goes on to do. The full-on embrace and celebration, however, never really happens. In Bartlett's review, he sees the lack of celebration as a sign that maybe complementarianism isn't that good (or even true at all). From my perspective, I simply think Beynon and Tooher could have leaned in to their title a little more and really showed us the beauty of a complementarian church.
Overall, there's lots here that's worth reading. The Biblical exegesis is strong, the balance of theory and practice is helpful, and their heart for the flourishing of women's ministry is clear. Most of all, I appreciated the authors' humble tone, particularly Beynon's, as he wrestled with occasional sexism within his own ministry. While EMBRACING COMPLEMENTARIANISM isn't quite the celebration I'd hoped it would be, it does a wonderful job of exploring how upholding distinctions between men and women can create a healthy, thriving local church.
November 2, 2022
Hard-line conservatives might find Graham & Jane's book a little soft & those with an hard egalitarian bent will find it way too hard, but I was surprised, and enjoyed the attempts of these two authors to be evenhanded, thoughtful and embracing of different levels of complimentarianism & different levels of conviction that people have come to.
I think the greatest thing this book offers is the challenge that, if one is to take a complimentarian position, then one ought not always be apologetic about it, but instead work hard at creating an atmosphere where both men and women flourish in their positions. Rather than trying to argue with people that this viewpoint is not bad, expend your energy in pursuing good for your church.
(what a shocking faux pas that this, the only edition I could find on goodreads, is listed as only having the male as the author).
I think the greatest thing this book offers is the challenge that, if one is to take a complimentarian position, then one ought not always be apologetic about it, but instead work hard at creating an atmosphere where both men and women flourish in their positions. Rather than trying to argue with people that this viewpoint is not bad, expend your energy in pursuing good for your church.
(what a shocking faux pas that this, the only edition I could find on goodreads, is listed as only having the male as the author).
March 22, 2023
A very helpful book on embracing complementarian convictions by turning to God's word, and then thinking through how to helpfully shape our practice (particularly in church). It is a reminder to take joy at the way God has designed male-female ministry to work together. There is a temptation to merely seek prescriptive analysis of what men and women can and can't do; but by doing exactly what it says in the title the authors have cultured an appreciation for the unique ways that men and women distinctly build each other up in their shared unity in Christ. 4.5-5 stars for being a readable, approachable, and highly practical book on complementarianism that provides a basis for shaping our own convictions and culture
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May 15, 2025Really good book, I found it really raised practical ways of addressing complementarianism without diminishing the role of a half of the church without which it would not exist. Interestingly, I read John Piper's brief pamphlet (?book) on the issue and listened to a part of a sermon from a church that is not complementarian before reading this book, and found that I was engaging with my own convictions about a key issue in the church and thinking it through. I was amazed to find how much less disagreement-averse I was in doing so. At the end of the day, we desire the Truth, and the Truth in the fullest in Christ.
November 3, 2023
A helpful and compassionate articulation of complemantarianism that is grounded in scripture and the goodness of God. This book is drenched in exposition of scripture, along with winsome and vulnerable personality.
This books biggest weakness is arguably also one of its great strength. Tooher and Beynon refuse to be prescriptive upon practice, preferring to invite their readers to come to their own convictions within the breadth of evangelical expressions of complimentarianism and work hard at expressing these good and beautiful truths in their own context.
A welcome read in an often volatile theological space.
This books biggest weakness is arguably also one of its great strength. Tooher and Beynon refuse to be prescriptive upon practice, preferring to invite their readers to come to their own convictions within the breadth of evangelical expressions of complimentarianism and work hard at expressing these good and beautiful truths in their own context.
A welcome read in an often volatile theological space.
July 10, 2025
Beynon and Tooher do an excellent job of charting the current state of complementarianism and it's various camps, strengths, and failures. I did appreciate their content especially on the essential nature of every parishioner's ministry and the full gifting of the body. However, I was hoping for far more of a positive vision to be cast, yet unfortunately I'm still a bit of a begrudging complementarian.
December 29, 2024
Before reading this book, I didn’t have a concise, clear, and calm explanation of the theology and practice of complementarianism. Now I have that. It’s so refreshing to read a non-cranky author on this topic who recognizes the nuance of working out the varied biblical material on men and women into the life and culture of a church.
February 21, 2023
A very fair and balanced book that sets out a good framework for churches to think through and apply God’s Word to church and family. It doesn’t try to give answers, but helpful principles and different ways forward. Definitely worth a read for those who are thinking about how men and women can best serve one another and together!
September 28, 2024
2.5 Stars.
Embracing Complementarianism is a nuanced book on a heavily contested topic. It shows a laudable sensitivity to the cultural context and the wide differences in the complementarian camp itself. The authors refrain from drawing premature conclusions or reading assumptions into the biblical text.
The argument is often well situated between unhelpful extremes, pointing out the dangers of both over- and underemphasizing gender differences (ch. 4), the special role of leaders (ch. 7), and tradition and practical considerations (ch. 8).
Chapters 7 to 9 which focus on the concrete life of the local church are the most helpful parts of the book. Perhaps not surprising from full-time church employees, here, the authors excel at making an inviting case for how to practically live in the church. They refreshingly focus little on what women can or cannot do, and more on how the overall life and ministry of a “complementarian church” should “feel”.
Other parts of the book remain more ambivalent. For example, chapter 6 (“Understanding Church”) is rather unsatisfactory. Drawing on the letter of Ephesians, the authors present different characteristics of the church, speaking of unity, equality, growth, family, etc. These concepts might have some warrant, but it remains an arbitrary list of terms. There is no coherent ecclesiology, speaking only vaguely of “a new identity and a new set of relationships”. The political terms used by Paul (the local church as the people of God and co-citizens of the saints) are completely neglected and the role of the sacraments is not discussed.
This vagueness is also prevalent in the conversation about the gender differences. In the end I still did not know how exactly the authors defined and where they located them. Furthermore, while showing sensitivity in dealing with the classical text surrounding the question of women's leadership, I’d wished for a broader view that takes other texts about women (e.g., in the gospels or Rom. 16) into account.
In sum, Embracing Complementarianism makes its most compelling arguments in the context of practical ministry within the local church. Here, leaders are challenged, encouraged, and equipped to develop and implement a polity and practice. The weaknesses lie in the more foundational reflections in some of the early chapters.
Perhaps the book is best for complementarians that want to learn how to live out their set convictions well. For others, it might remain unsatisfactory.
Embracing Complementarianism is a nuanced book on a heavily contested topic. It shows a laudable sensitivity to the cultural context and the wide differences in the complementarian camp itself. The authors refrain from drawing premature conclusions or reading assumptions into the biblical text.
The argument is often well situated between unhelpful extremes, pointing out the dangers of both over- and underemphasizing gender differences (ch. 4), the special role of leaders (ch. 7), and tradition and practical considerations (ch. 8).
Chapters 7 to 9 which focus on the concrete life of the local church are the most helpful parts of the book. Perhaps not surprising from full-time church employees, here, the authors excel at making an inviting case for how to practically live in the church. They refreshingly focus little on what women can or cannot do, and more on how the overall life and ministry of a “complementarian church” should “feel”.
Other parts of the book remain more ambivalent. For example, chapter 6 (“Understanding Church”) is rather unsatisfactory. Drawing on the letter of Ephesians, the authors present different characteristics of the church, speaking of unity, equality, growth, family, etc. These concepts might have some warrant, but it remains an arbitrary list of terms. There is no coherent ecclesiology, speaking only vaguely of “a new identity and a new set of relationships”. The political terms used by Paul (the local church as the people of God and co-citizens of the saints) are completely neglected and the role of the sacraments is not discussed.
This vagueness is also prevalent in the conversation about the gender differences. In the end I still did not know how exactly the authors defined and where they located them. Furthermore, while showing sensitivity in dealing with the classical text surrounding the question of women's leadership, I’d wished for a broader view that takes other texts about women (e.g., in the gospels or Rom. 16) into account.
In sum, Embracing Complementarianism makes its most compelling arguments in the context of practical ministry within the local church. Here, leaders are challenged, encouraged, and equipped to develop and implement a polity and practice. The weaknesses lie in the more foundational reflections in some of the early chapters.
Perhaps the book is best for complementarians that want to learn how to live out their set convictions well. For others, it might remain unsatisfactory.
March 19, 2023
'When we are reading or explaining the Bible, it is always worth asking ourselves how much of what we are saying is actually from the Bible, and how much is coming from the cultural framework we are bringing to it.' (p. 18)
Thoughts:
- I'll preface this by acknowledging that not all churches have leaders who will respond with "Sure!" when you say "Hey, I want to talk about gender stuff." But thankfully, there's been a chorus of "Sure"s at my church from a range of people. As complementarianism has been a hot topic lately, we've formed a mixed book club to read through this together and discuss the gendered dimensions of ministry and church culture, and assess our felt experience against what the Bible actually says about how men and women should relate in church life.
- I found this to be a lucid, empathetic, and biblical treatment of a topic that can sometimes be fraught with baggage and awkwardness. It was helpful being reminded that none of us enter this 'debate' as a blank slate, that we're all influenced by broader culture, past experience, and personal convictions. These conversations aren't easy, but Graham and Jane do a good job equipping us to start.
- The posture of this book (in assuming its target audience already somewhat agrees) meant that the focus was on 'advancing' the topic rather than 'defending' it, resulting in a lot less stick-throwing than some other discussions I've read and watched. It is also a profoundly relational book, prompting honest reflection and evaluation (the individual and group questions at the end of each chapter are great).
- In many parts I felt so seen and supported, other parts were a gentle rebuke. Before I let myself get carried away with wanting to put this book into the hands of every young Christian male thinking through gender in the church, I also need to remember this: 'So how do we move forward? By the gospel. The gospel teaches us to admit our sin, to ask for and receive forgiveness, and to live in humility, respect, and generosity with each other.' (p. 65) Because this isn't a "checkmate" book. This isn't a "look how you've wronged me" book. This is a "we haven't always done things right, but we'll all benefit from sitting down and talking about how to be healthier" book.
Thoughts:
- I'll preface this by acknowledging that not all churches have leaders who will respond with "Sure!" when you say "Hey, I want to talk about gender stuff." But thankfully, there's been a chorus of "Sure"s at my church from a range of people. As complementarianism has been a hot topic lately, we've formed a mixed book club to read through this together and discuss the gendered dimensions of ministry and church culture, and assess our felt experience against what the Bible actually says about how men and women should relate in church life.
- I found this to be a lucid, empathetic, and biblical treatment of a topic that can sometimes be fraught with baggage and awkwardness. It was helpful being reminded that none of us enter this 'debate' as a blank slate, that we're all influenced by broader culture, past experience, and personal convictions. These conversations aren't easy, but Graham and Jane do a good job equipping us to start.
- The posture of this book (in assuming its target audience already somewhat agrees) meant that the focus was on 'advancing' the topic rather than 'defending' it, resulting in a lot less stick-throwing than some other discussions I've read and watched. It is also a profoundly relational book, prompting honest reflection and evaluation (the individual and group questions at the end of each chapter are great).
- In many parts I felt so seen and supported, other parts were a gentle rebuke. Before I let myself get carried away with wanting to put this book into the hands of every young Christian male thinking through gender in the church, I also need to remember this: 'So how do we move forward? By the gospel. The gospel teaches us to admit our sin, to ask for and receive forgiveness, and to live in humility, respect, and generosity with each other.' (p. 65) Because this isn't a "checkmate" book. This isn't a "look how you've wronged me" book. This is a "we haven't always done things right, but we'll all benefit from sitting down and talking about how to be healthier" book.
March 4, 2025
A very thoughtful and considerate position on a heated topic. I enjoyed how they approached it as a social issue in church, not just a purely theological issue, looking into the negative culture that these views can create if not applied correctly. Though it was written for church leaders, of which I am far from, I felt as though it has helped me consider discussions around this topic that I hadn't talked about or even thought about.
Would highly recommend
Would highly recommend
May 26, 2023
I read this for my Relay elective study, and found it really helpful to begin to consolidate my thoughts. Loved their aim of the book - rather than aiming to defend complementarianism, they sought to advance it. They don’t answer every question, but do give a helpful framework for going about answering questions for your specific church context depending on your convictions. A book that I hope many church leaders will read!
May 16, 2025
Chs. 2-4 were great! The rest was eh and could be skimmed.
Most helpful was considering the dual reality of the unity of our common humanity as well as the way us being engendered shapes normal actions as we follow Jesus.
Most helpful was considering the dual reality of the unity of our common humanity as well as the way us being engendered shapes normal actions as we follow Jesus.
November 19, 2022
4.5
So helpful. A great partner to Gods Good Design.
So helpful. A great partner to Gods Good Design.
July 9, 2023
One of the better books I’ve read on the topic of women’s roles in the church. A really encouraging and helpful way to think through complementarianism and gave me a lot to think about
December 31, 2023
let me echo Christopher Ash’s review: “fresh, sensitive, thoughtful, well informed, and engagingly positive”
April 11, 2023
Be Encouraged to Embrace Christocentric Complementarity
Complementarians will benefit from this book for at least eight reasons:
1. Authors are fully and joyfully complementarian in conviction and application. They are not embarrassed or conflicted by what the Bible clearly teaches. They encourage church leaders not to be either.
2. Application is the focus with key questions that should be studied, discussed, and answered. Too often the key gender passages are exegeted and defended but implications and applications are omitted or only briefly addressed.
3. Extremes due to traditionalism, pragmatism, as well as cultural feminism and activism are mentioned. Yet the book is not sidetracked by these realities. The authors encourage the reader to apply biblical complemenrarianism with conviction, clarity, compassion, and sanctified common sense.
4. Presentation is simple, sanctified, straightforward, and clearly based on the sufficiency of Scripture.
5. Priority is given to the proper context for applying complementarianism in the local church rather than giving black and white answers to specific questions about application. The authors emphasize that being precedes doing. The identity of the church (what it is is) dictates the life of the church (how it functions). To their credit the authors repeatedly reference 1 Timothy 3:14-15 which too often is completely ignored by egalitarians and frequently overlooked by complimentarians.
6. Balance between limitations and liberties for women in ministry are repeatedly addressed. An emphasis on how the complementarian culture of the church “feels” to women is helpfully addressed.
7. Recognition that the truthfulness of a complementarity interpretation is not dependent on absolute agreement in application. There is a messiness to applying biblical truth in a local congregation. There are also cultural and contextual questions that impact application but do not negate the biblical truths.
8. Equipping questions and tools are provided in both the main body of the book as well as in the three appendices. This book is a great read for a leadership team seeking to establish their convictions in order to clearly communicate and apply them in their local congregational setting.
Many times books on this topic – and I’ve read many - can be wearisome for several reasons. Too often they are written by practical egalitarians who want to still claim to be complementarians. Sometimes they are written by complementarians who come across more like culture warriors than Christlike writers. Finally, many times complementarians dive into the interpretation of the details of the text (which is obviously essential and foundational) but forget to provide pastoral guidance on the application of the truths of the text.
By avoiding the first two approaches and building on the third, the authors have added to the abundance of books on this topic in a way that provides a very helpful guidance for embracing complementarianism in the local church.
I will share a few weakness regarding the book soon. But these weaknesses are minor and do not diminish the helpfulness of the book overall.
Tim Challies review as a convinced complementarian: https://www.challies.com/book-reviews...
Andrew Bartlett review as a practical egalitarian: https://michaelfbird.substack.com/p/a...
Note: Bartlett fails to critique the book on the basis of the author’s intended audience (convinced complementarians) and stated purpose (embracing cimplementarianism by local church application).
Article based on an excerpt: https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/art...
Complementarians will benefit from this book for at least eight reasons:
1. Authors are fully and joyfully complementarian in conviction and application. They are not embarrassed or conflicted by what the Bible clearly teaches. They encourage church leaders not to be either.
2. Application is the focus with key questions that should be studied, discussed, and answered. Too often the key gender passages are exegeted and defended but implications and applications are omitted or only briefly addressed.
3. Extremes due to traditionalism, pragmatism, as well as cultural feminism and activism are mentioned. Yet the book is not sidetracked by these realities. The authors encourage the reader to apply biblical complemenrarianism with conviction, clarity, compassion, and sanctified common sense.
4. Presentation is simple, sanctified, straightforward, and clearly based on the sufficiency of Scripture.
5. Priority is given to the proper context for applying complementarianism in the local church rather than giving black and white answers to specific questions about application. The authors emphasize that being precedes doing. The identity of the church (what it is is) dictates the life of the church (how it functions). To their credit the authors repeatedly reference 1 Timothy 3:14-15 which too often is completely ignored by egalitarians and frequently overlooked by complimentarians.
6. Balance between limitations and liberties for women in ministry are repeatedly addressed. An emphasis on how the complementarian culture of the church “feels” to women is helpfully addressed.
7. Recognition that the truthfulness of a complementarity interpretation is not dependent on absolute agreement in application. There is a messiness to applying biblical truth in a local congregation. There are also cultural and contextual questions that impact application but do not negate the biblical truths.
8. Equipping questions and tools are provided in both the main body of the book as well as in the three appendices. This book is a great read for a leadership team seeking to establish their convictions in order to clearly communicate and apply them in their local congregational setting.
Many times books on this topic – and I’ve read many - can be wearisome for several reasons. Too often they are written by practical egalitarians who want to still claim to be complementarians. Sometimes they are written by complementarians who come across more like culture warriors than Christlike writers. Finally, many times complementarians dive into the interpretation of the details of the text (which is obviously essential and foundational) but forget to provide pastoral guidance on the application of the truths of the text.
By avoiding the first two approaches and building on the third, the authors have added to the abundance of books on this topic in a way that provides a very helpful guidance for embracing complementarianism in the local church.
I will share a few weakness regarding the book soon. But these weaknesses are minor and do not diminish the helpfulness of the book overall.
Tim Challies review as a convinced complementarian: https://www.challies.com/book-reviews...
Andrew Bartlett review as a practical egalitarian: https://michaelfbird.substack.com/p/a...
Note: Bartlett fails to critique the book on the basis of the author’s intended audience (convinced complementarians) and stated purpose (embracing cimplementarianism by local church application).
Article based on an excerpt: https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/art...
November 22, 2022
In this book, Graham Beynon and Jane Tooher share insight into how churches can help men and women flourish in ministry together while still holding to a complementarian view of gender. They argue that since men and women are both equal and distinct, their differences should enrich the church, and that tight boundaries that disregard women during decision-making processes and bar them from ministry hurt the church. They address many different dynamics with thought and care, and write respectfully about people whose views fall to the left or the right of their own. They also avoid being prescriptive, and their open-ended discussion questions for individuals and groups will foster additional reflection.
Beynon and Tooher address a variety of different ways that churches may fail to adequately include and honor women, and they show how a conviction for male-only pastoral ordination should never prevent churches from equipping and encouraging women to minister in other ways. They include a number of practical suggestions, such as having a mixed-gender leadership team that the elders discuss different plans and ideas with, and they encourage churches to create a testimony time or other opportunity where women can share their wisdom with the church without being in an explicit preaching role. This book also leans into the church culture aspect well, showing how churches can apply similar convictions in different ways based on their ministry context.
The authors make it clear from the beginning that they will be focusing on practical applications, not on arguing for the complementarian position as a whole. They anticipate that their readers will already be familiar with the debate and various forms of drama around it, and that they have invested significant study and prayer into coming to their conclusions. However, even though I didn't expect the authors to go through every point of debate or break down every relevant Bible passage, it would have been helpful for them to share more historical and cultural context for women's leadership in the church. On a positive note, because the authors are from the U.K. and Australia, their own cultural differences give fresh light and life to American churches by casting a bigger picture beyond specific controversies that American authors focus on.
Embracing Complementarianism will be a helpful resource for church leaders and laypersons who want to live out their convictions without setting legalistic boundaries or sticking to status quo policies that unnecessarily restrict women "just in case" or because it is easier. I appreciate how graciously these authors addressed a contentious and emotional topic, and I admire how they expressed their own views and convictions without binding others' consciences or telling them what they must do. Because this book is balanced, practical, and filled with questions for further contemplation, this would make an excellent resource for church leadership or book discussion groups to work through together, and I hope that it will lead to positive change in many churches.
I received a free copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Beynon and Tooher address a variety of different ways that churches may fail to adequately include and honor women, and they show how a conviction for male-only pastoral ordination should never prevent churches from equipping and encouraging women to minister in other ways. They include a number of practical suggestions, such as having a mixed-gender leadership team that the elders discuss different plans and ideas with, and they encourage churches to create a testimony time or other opportunity where women can share their wisdom with the church without being in an explicit preaching role. This book also leans into the church culture aspect well, showing how churches can apply similar convictions in different ways based on their ministry context.
The authors make it clear from the beginning that they will be focusing on practical applications, not on arguing for the complementarian position as a whole. They anticipate that their readers will already be familiar with the debate and various forms of drama around it, and that they have invested significant study and prayer into coming to their conclusions. However, even though I didn't expect the authors to go through every point of debate or break down every relevant Bible passage, it would have been helpful for them to share more historical and cultural context for women's leadership in the church. On a positive note, because the authors are from the U.K. and Australia, their own cultural differences give fresh light and life to American churches by casting a bigger picture beyond specific controversies that American authors focus on.
Embracing Complementarianism will be a helpful resource for church leaders and laypersons who want to live out their convictions without setting legalistic boundaries or sticking to status quo policies that unnecessarily restrict women "just in case" or because it is easier. I appreciate how graciously these authors addressed a contentious and emotional topic, and I admire how they expressed their own views and convictions without binding others' consciences or telling them what they must do. Because this book is balanced, practical, and filled with questions for further contemplation, this would make an excellent resource for church leadership or book discussion groups to work through together, and I hope that it will lead to positive change in many churches.
I received a free copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
November 14, 2022
{First posted here https://www.amberthiessen.com/post/eq...}
Equal and distinct.
These are two important words as we talk about people and relationships. Equality reminds us of our sameness and distinction points out differences with something else of a similar type - the same, but different.
So when we talk about gender roles and church leadership, these words are truly beautiful to describe our relationship with each other.
But we don't always understand, or hear it, that way.
Hence a reason for a book about it.
Embracing Complementarianism is written by Graham Benyon and Jane Tooher to help Christians, and particularly leaders, who share complementarian conviction of church leadership, to look at biblical teaching on the topic and more deeply understand how these convictions shape our love for each other and our ministry.
Simply put, complementarianism is the belief that God made men and women equal and distinctive: equal in value and dignity, and distinctive in certain responsibilities and roles."
Throughout the book, the authors note many concerns in this discussion, such as recognizing the individualistic society we live in and how this topic is often focused on keeping the ministry of women within boundaries. They acknowledge differing practical applications within the spectrum of a complementarian conviction. But mostly their goal is to guide us toward love and unity.
As they describe the office of elder, I appreciated their emphasis on qualification. So often roles are described as what women can, or can't, do. But it's less about women and much more on who is qualified. This rightly means that not all men are qualified, but those who would meet the biblical criteria.
I also benefited from the question they raised about how each church values ministry, and which ministries they seek as important. If a local church places sole emphasis on teaching ministry, then it follows that women would feel a bit isolated in their own ministries. So, it was interesting for me to consider what ministries my church values and how that is expressed through church life.
This book shared a lot of good, biblical teaching, it was a nice refresher for me on the aspects both of the complementarian debate and of God's good design for His church. I appreciated their heart in seeking to build up the church by directing us toward unity, godliness and discipleship.
I'm not particularly a fan of dual-author books, so that was a hang up for me. I kinda like to hear one person's voice when reading their words, and I don't favour the back and forth trying to figure out who is saying what. But, that's just me.
On this topic I've also enjoyed the Knowing Faith podcast episodes titled, "A Generous Complenentarianism" (and a second here).
Quick Stats
# of pages: 160
Level of difficulty: Easy - Moderate
My Rating: 4 stars
Equal and distinct.
These are two important words as we talk about people and relationships. Equality reminds us of our sameness and distinction points out differences with something else of a similar type - the same, but different.
So when we talk about gender roles and church leadership, these words are truly beautiful to describe our relationship with each other.
But we don't always understand, or hear it, that way.
Hence a reason for a book about it.
Embracing Complementarianism is written by Graham Benyon and Jane Tooher to help Christians, and particularly leaders, who share complementarian conviction of church leadership, to look at biblical teaching on the topic and more deeply understand how these convictions shape our love for each other and our ministry.
Simply put, complementarianism is the belief that God made men and women equal and distinctive: equal in value and dignity, and distinctive in certain responsibilities and roles."
Throughout the book, the authors note many concerns in this discussion, such as recognizing the individualistic society we live in and how this topic is often focused on keeping the ministry of women within boundaries. They acknowledge differing practical applications within the spectrum of a complementarian conviction. But mostly their goal is to guide us toward love and unity.
As they describe the office of elder, I appreciated their emphasis on qualification. So often roles are described as what women can, or can't, do. But it's less about women and much more on who is qualified. This rightly means that not all men are qualified, but those who would meet the biblical criteria.
I also benefited from the question they raised about how each church values ministry, and which ministries they seek as important. If a local church places sole emphasis on teaching ministry, then it follows that women would feel a bit isolated in their own ministries. So, it was interesting for me to consider what ministries my church values and how that is expressed through church life.
This book shared a lot of good, biblical teaching, it was a nice refresher for me on the aspects both of the complementarian debate and of God's good design for His church. I appreciated their heart in seeking to build up the church by directing us toward unity, godliness and discipleship.
I'm not particularly a fan of dual-author books, so that was a hang up for me. I kinda like to hear one person's voice when reading their words, and I don't favour the back and forth trying to figure out who is saying what. But, that's just me.
On this topic I've also enjoyed the Knowing Faith podcast episodes titled, "A Generous Complenentarianism" (and a second here).
Quick Stats
# of pages: 160
Level of difficulty: Easy - Moderate
My Rating: 4 stars
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