The First 90 Days of Marriage: Building the Foundations of a Lifetime

by Eric Ludy, Leslie Ludy

Most married couples look back on their first few months of marriage as a roller-coaster time of surprises, awakenings, and lots of ups and downs. But Eric and Leslie Ludy, bestselling authors of When God Writes Your Love Story, show couples in this practical, inspirational book how to transform the whirlwind of the first days of marriage into a sure foundation that will support them for a lifetime. The Ludys teach men and women readers how to use those crucial first 90 days to develop all the necessary habits for a happy, satisfying marriage-habits of kindness, forgiveness, fun, warmth, reconciliation, and patience. Filled with down-to-earth advice and questions for reflection, The First 90 Days of Marriage is destined to become a classic for newlyweds and engaged couples. And even if your marriage is well past those first 90 days, it's never to late to put these principles to work. You'll love the results.

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Relationships, Nonfiction, Religion, Family, Christian Non Fiction

224 pages, Paperback

First published April 11, 2006

About the author

Eric is a bestselling author, internationally-recognized speaker and president of Ellerslie Mission Society. He is also the senior pastor at the Church at Ellerslie and the lead instructor at Ellerslie Leadership Training in Windsor, Colorado. Ludy is the author of more than a dozen books, many of which were co-authored by his wife, Leslie Ludy. The Ludy's books have sold well over a million copies in the United States and have been translated into over a dozen different languages and circulated widely throughout the world.

Reviews

[Jill · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is some really good stuff in here - enough to make it worth a read. BUT, for the first few chapters, it felt like they were addressing engaged or newly-married tweens. A lot of "prince" "princess" talk. I felt like I was really being babied. In their defense, that was not their intention, but that's how it came off. Also, there's a bit of self-promotion you have to get past. ("If you're ____, I highly recommend...my other book _____." gets dropped in a few times. UGH.) Worst of all, XY Ludy mentions marriage competitions and heavenly trophies constantly throughout the book. I realize that's supposed to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, but when a formal challenge is issued several times - "Try to make your marriage even better than mine" and "I'm going to have the best marriage. Try and beat me!" antics. It's a REAL turn-off and comes across as downright silly. I'm glad I swam through the drivel, though, because it's not a very long book, and if you can deal with this couple constantly obnoxiously telling you how perfect their marriage is, then it is worth reading why certain things are important, and why and how they work.

[Rachelle Cobb · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book I've been looking forward to reading for a long time! Woefully, I forget who first recommended it to me, but it's been on my Amazon wish list for months! I thought engagement would be the perfect time to read it since I'm closing in on my first 90 days of marriage, but this book is really a great resource I'd recommend to even singles. The Ludys are two of my favorite authors, and I adore that they bring their conversational, uplifting, inspirational tone into this book. So many marriage books sound serious, solemn, as if warning you of how hard marriage will be. Indeed, it's important to be aware that marriage isn't all glitter and gardenias, but this book paints a picture of how stunningly beautiful, fun, and rewarding marriage can be when approached from a selfless perspective. This is now one of my favorite relationship books. I'll be lending this title out to engaged and newlywed friends on a regular basis!

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this during the first 5 months of marriage...I tried reading it with my husband but the beginning is so cheesy and off-putting with having you think of competing against other marriages (not really what I am aiming for in this comparison-heavy culture), that he didn't last. I finished it because a friend had recommended it and gave him a summary of each chapter. There is good advice in here that I will use, but some things were glossed over and other points were overdrawn in my opinion. I also found a lot of the suggestions just opinions and what this couple happens to do. I have perfectionist tendencies, so some of these competitive pushes were a little disappointing. They do address people at different levels or issues, but it felt like they were making this picture of what a great marriage looked beyond what God says. They do reference Christian principles but some things aren't going to be for every couple.
The chapter I liked most was about being a team. The rest was too wordy and silly with their analogies.

[Mrscaleb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best "newly married" books I have ever read. It's based on the premise that in every new relationship or situation, we form "habits" that can be very difficult to change later. So the first 90 days of marriage are some of the most crucial days when it comes to laying down GOOD habits, and its a very good time to talk through the daily routine and potential conflicts that might arise in daily life.

This book brought up a lot of issues that my new husband and I needed to hash out, and I think it helped us talk through various situations before we found ourselves in the middle of them. I would definitely recommend to every new married couple.

[Meagan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was skeptical about this book being preachy, considering it's Christian author. But Eric and Leslie Ludy give a great perspective into modern Godly marriage. They understand that marriage is a challenge and that their audience is young, not 40, unlike most other marriage authors. This book is an easy read, but also fun. I love that this book is a challenge to ENJOY your marriage instead of to just SURVIVE your marriage. I would definitely recommend this book to any newlyweds or soon-to-be-marrieds.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a pastor, I give this book to every young couple I know who is getting married. While there are some weaknesses, it is the only book I've ever come across that addresses this subject in a very practical as well as spiritual way. The chapter on creating your own private space as a couple is a great example of the practical nature of this book. I recommend it!

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a phenomenal book, not just for the first 90 days, but a wealth of inspiration and advice for the first 90 years! The best book I've read so far on the subject. I'm going to go right back to the beginning and read it again...

[Noelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I ended up reading this book after 532 days of marriage, but I'm kind of glad I waited to read it. The tone of the book is both slightly legalistic and helpful. I gleaned some helpful information, especially in the last chapter on being teammates. I was also reminded/convicted to do two very specific things that I haven't been strong on as a wife.

Overall helpful, but it needs to be updated for the smart phone era we're in. I was also so tired of reading "modern couple". Couple works fine, too.

[Almaha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has a lot of the beliefs that’s in the Quran ( Muslims holy book) which proves that Christianity is a religion that’s a part of Islam.
A really inspiring book for marriage and encorages understanding the other spouse and being patient in the relationship of marrige.

[Macaylan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend to any married couple, past the 90 day mark or not😉

[Karen & Gerard · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got The First 90 Days of Marriage--Building the Foundation of a Lifetime by Eric and Leslie Ludy because I thought it might be a good wedding gift but wanted to read it first. It is based on Biblical principles and much of the advice is plain common sense. However, even after being married 16 years, I did find some of it to be helpful. The basic theme of the book is to be the best wife or the best husband ever by treating your spouse like a prince or princess every day. (I wondered why not as a king or queen.) The idea is that a man and wife become a team. One of the most helpful suggestions in my opinion was to compare individual priorities and come up with priorities as a couple. I think it would make a fine wedding gift.
(Karen's review)

[Shanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although I read this book about a month beyond the "90-day" recommendation, I think the information within still greatly applies. The book is written to encourage couples to lay the foundation well in the beginning of marriage because once you fall into bad habits they are hard to undo. I don't want to be a fraud in marriage but really want to create a marriage that is strong, lasting, and blessed. A favorite quote, "...genuine lovers realized that amazing romance is something a couple must fight for, must sacrifice to obtain, and must be willing to give of themselves on a daily basis for an entire lifetime to preserve."

[Lauren Voeltz]

It is a great book about what things you should do in a marriage to keep mystery and or the best way to live together. It just discusses respect for eachother, the importance of alone time and the importance of taking care of yourself. It is a great book on setting good, well, not trends, but routines for your marriage right away, because once you get going in one direction (the wrong direction) it is harder to correct than if you just start off on the right foot,

[Shanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could have more starts I would. I did read this within the first 90 days of my marriage and I give it a lot of credit for getting us started off on the right foot. However, I would strongly encourage anyone...married or planning to one day be married...to read the book. This book talks about wonderful Christian marriages...things like breaking the cycle of insult for insult and instead returning an insult with a blessing. It's just wonderful!

[C · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great marriage takes work. It doesn't just happens, so the first three months of marriage are key t building a strong foundation for a lifetime of happily-ever-after. The Ludys provide principles and action steps with which to build the foundation for a strong, Christlike marriage. I would definitely recommend it to all newlyweds, so that the first weeks and months of marriage are spent with the intentionality required to build a strong marriage.

[Sanyelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this as a suggestion from a friend right before I married my husband. I have read other books by the Ludy's, and have learned to pick the good from the bad. A lot of their points in this book were practical and helpful, and others I disagreed with, such as their view on sex within marriage.

[Becki]

A good book. It took quite a bit to get into it. I was probably halfway through before I was getting practical stuff that I felt I could apply to my life.\nAlthough, from the start there was an emphasis on selflessness instead of selfishness. And that's definitely something for me to work on.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gotta love self-help books.

[Jennifer L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Leslie and Eric Ludy's books, and this one was no exception. I'm not married, nor engaged, but it gave me a lot of ideas on what I can expect and what should be expected of me!

[Madison Wasinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far so good...still in the process of reading it

[Kristen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book to be extremely superficial and I struggled to finish it. If you want to read a good book on Christian marriage read the Keller's book the Meaning of Marriage.