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The Way He Made Me Feel: From The Memoirs Of Tatiana Y. Thumbtzen
The Way He Made Me Feel is a book about the portion of my life when I lived in Hollywood, Ca. I invite you to my journey from my life as a little girl and all the dreams I had and continue to deeply believe in. Who would have thought that someday they could all come true? I believe everything in life does have a reason and a purpose. Fate and destiny do exist, and my story proves this true. -Tatiana Y. Thumbtzen
191 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2005
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July 11, 2018
Tatiana is the adoptive child of O'Cain and Evelyn Thumbtzen who were both teachers that “came from a melting of cultures that include Irish, Black, and Native American” (p. 23). Her biological name is Stephanie but she took her current name as her professional stage name.
She had dreams to make it big in the industry either as a dancer (she studied ballet) or as a model (she modeled for a few magazines), however, nothing she did stood out like that one job she landed in 1987 with Michael Jackson. The first couple of chapters details her early years before meeting her idol. She states that she was in love with Jackson ever since she was a child when he was still with the Jackson 5. She fantasized about meeting her first crush–just like all fans around the world. The universe was kind to her when she was given the opportunity to be chosen as Michael Jackson's love interest for his then-new single, “The Way You Make Me Feel”. That was a golden ticket for more success if only she focused on advancing her career rather than obsessively trying to get to her boss.*
Ms. Thumbtzen's story was more appropriate to be included in the 2004 book, “He's Just Not That Into You”.
By reading her story from her own words one would notice how unprofessional she was when dealing with Michael Jackson on different occasions. No one could blame her for falling even more for him because that was the case with almost everyone else as he was kind and charismatic; that hint of shyness made him even more exotic. However, that doesn't mean stepping obvious boundaries. Tatiana, unfortunately, was in too deep that she didn't see that thin line between flirtation and harassment which resulted in getting fired right away. She doesn't seem over that rejection and a hint of bitterness still lingers all over her recollections in this book; the resentment at times cloud her views that's why it's recommended to not take it all at face value.
The issue with Tatiana is that she thinks that there were forces out there working against her; she plays the victim quite often. She blames everyone else but herself when things didn't go well or when her fantasies didn't become reality. She didn't (at least at the time of the publication) see her shortcomings or faults in some of her actions nor did she take any responsibility, and that's a major issue.
The Grammy's incident wasn't her first time in crossing line with Jackson. She tells of a time after visiting the set of “Leave Me Alone,” she had no ride home so she asked Miko Brando to drop her home; Michael approved. While they were randomly chatting in the car, Tatiana decided it was a good idea to make a move regardless of everything. “I placed my hand on top of one of his hands and then I picked it up and put it in both my hands holding it gently. I could feel his nervousness. Then suddenly he picked up the phone as a call came in from his secretary Joli. I let go of his other hand so he could manage the phone. He remarked that my hand has a roughness to it like his sister's,” she recalled. She continuously accuses him that he didn't know how to “handle it” or because he was a shy person but it's clear that he was uncomfortable with what seemed as a repeated audacity on her part.
I prefer to not discuss the Grammy's thing but will ask one simple question instead, let's switched genders for a minute and put it this way: if a male model was asked repeatedly to not kiss or attempt anything further with his female star but once he was on stage he decided to go ahead and do it anyway, in what light would that be viewed? In any context that would still be wrong.
Tatiana committed a couple of ridiculous mistakes after the Grammy's scene–which resulted in Jackson cutting ties with her completely as well as getting fired from the tour and she was replaced with his then-backup singer Sheryl Crow.** To conspire with the Jackson clan in an attempt to corner him after a show they've attended and brought her along to forcefully let her meet him backstage was a bit overdoing it. Let alone the fact that she signed with Joseph Jackson for representation assuming that “it was a good idea to secure the connection” with his son, Michael (p. 112).
Throughout the book she seems unable to see what was clear to everybody else that if he wanted to be with her on an intimate level he would've responded accordingly. She puts the blame on his management for the fall-out but by reading her own recollections of what happened one could tell that all that happened was due to her lack of professionalism, and inability to distinguish boundaries.
Let's examine her story from another perspective–Michael Jackson's perspective.
Michael Jackson was no fool. He admittedly was a private person who was overprotective of his privacy especially that concerned his personal relationships and rendezvous; his sex life was the one aspect of him he managed to preserve away from the curious public. That was his birthright. And Tatiana made it transparent from early on that she's not going to keep it personal not one bit. She was ready to speak to the tabloids about a non-existent romance now imagine if she had any juice to share! She did publish books after all, didn't she?
She details in the book how Jackson refused to be alone with her not during outtakes, rehearsals or backstage, “someone from Michael's team tagged along” (p. 80).*** She felt agitated that she couldn't have a personal moment with him nor was she able to speak to him on the phone despite the fact she repeatedly called his secretary. Not only that, Jackson told his tour crew to stay away from Tatiana because “he knew that men could be ‘dogs’ and the tour scenario just invited trouble” (p. 81). Miko Brando's job was to keep an eye on her for the entirety of the tour.
Beside all that, she was infatuated by him to the point of obsessiveness. She was obviously clingy. He avoided trouble before it even began. He knew better than that, at the end of the day he often sang the consequences of careless affairs with the wrong people.
All in all, “The Way He Made Me Feel” as a whole is not bad; it's written in a Q & A method which makes it easy to read. The bits in which she described behind the scenes of The Way You Make Me Feel are my favorite. Also, she gives a couple of interesting accounts of her brief interactions with the Jackson family, Prince Rogers, etc.... Ms. Thumbtzen is sweet and all that, however, her relentless chase after Jackson made me feel a second-hand embarrassment chapter after chapter.
I sympathize with Ms. Thumbtzen because she had so much potential to make it big when she had the chance but instead she allowed herself to be strayed from her career into chasing her idol hoping he'd “marry her”.
*she was screwed over by her agent that did nothing to protect her rights in merchandise or anything of that sort which got nothing to do with Jackson or his estate.
**her contract with Joseph was another screw over by one of her attorneys which she blindly approached only to get to Michael but resulted in getting played instead
*** B. R. E. Awards scene she details in Chapter 8 is a brutal wake up call
She had dreams to make it big in the industry either as a dancer (she studied ballet) or as a model (she modeled for a few magazines), however, nothing she did stood out like that one job she landed in 1987 with Michael Jackson. The first couple of chapters details her early years before meeting her idol. She states that she was in love with Jackson ever since she was a child when he was still with the Jackson 5. She fantasized about meeting her first crush–just like all fans around the world. The universe was kind to her when she was given the opportunity to be chosen as Michael Jackson's love interest for his then-new single, “The Way You Make Me Feel”. That was a golden ticket for more success if only she focused on advancing her career rather than obsessively trying to get to her boss.*
Ms. Thumbtzen's story was more appropriate to be included in the 2004 book, “He's Just Not That Into You”.
By reading her story from her own words one would notice how unprofessional she was when dealing with Michael Jackson on different occasions. No one could blame her for falling even more for him because that was the case with almost everyone else as he was kind and charismatic; that hint of shyness made him even more exotic. However, that doesn't mean stepping obvious boundaries. Tatiana, unfortunately, was in too deep that she didn't see that thin line between flirtation and harassment which resulted in getting fired right away. She doesn't seem over that rejection and a hint of bitterness still lingers all over her recollections in this book; the resentment at times cloud her views that's why it's recommended to not take it all at face value.
The issue with Tatiana is that she thinks that there were forces out there working against her; she plays the victim quite often. She blames everyone else but herself when things didn't go well or when her fantasies didn't become reality. She didn't (at least at the time of the publication) see her shortcomings or faults in some of her actions nor did she take any responsibility, and that's a major issue.
The Grammy's incident wasn't her first time in crossing line with Jackson. She tells of a time after visiting the set of “Leave Me Alone,” she had no ride home so she asked Miko Brando to drop her home; Michael approved. While they were randomly chatting in the car, Tatiana decided it was a good idea to make a move regardless of everything. “I placed my hand on top of one of his hands and then I picked it up and put it in both my hands holding it gently. I could feel his nervousness. Then suddenly he picked up the phone as a call came in from his secretary Joli. I let go of his other hand so he could manage the phone. He remarked that my hand has a roughness to it like his sister's,” she recalled. She continuously accuses him that he didn't know how to “handle it” or because he was a shy person but it's clear that he was uncomfortable with what seemed as a repeated audacity on her part.
I prefer to not discuss the Grammy's thing but will ask one simple question instead, let's switched genders for a minute and put it this way: if a male model was asked repeatedly to not kiss or attempt anything further with his female star but once he was on stage he decided to go ahead and do it anyway, in what light would that be viewed? In any context that would still be wrong.
Tatiana committed a couple of ridiculous mistakes after the Grammy's scene–which resulted in Jackson cutting ties with her completely as well as getting fired from the tour and she was replaced with his then-backup singer Sheryl Crow.** To conspire with the Jackson clan in an attempt to corner him after a show they've attended and brought her along to forcefully let her meet him backstage was a bit overdoing it. Let alone the fact that she signed with Joseph Jackson for representation assuming that “it was a good idea to secure the connection” with his son, Michael (p. 112).
Throughout the book she seems unable to see what was clear to everybody else that if he wanted to be with her on an intimate level he would've responded accordingly. She puts the blame on his management for the fall-out but by reading her own recollections of what happened one could tell that all that happened was due to her lack of professionalism, and inability to distinguish boundaries.
Let's examine her story from another perspective–Michael Jackson's perspective.
SB: So what do you do in things like music videos when you’re expected to portray romance and do love scenes and things like that?
MJ: That’s why it is my job to cast the girl, because it is my job to think they are cute. So I can do it if I really like them, like some of the girls you see in my videos. I have cast them because I really like them and it caused a problem afterwards because they start to really like me, and I don’t want to get that serious, and it becomes a problem sometimes.
SB: How do you break the news to them that you don’t reciprocate?
MJ: When they see me running the other way. Yeah. Some of them follow me around the world and it is so hard. -“The Michael Jackson Tapes”
Michael Jackson was no fool. He admittedly was a private person who was overprotective of his privacy especially that concerned his personal relationships and rendezvous; his sex life was the one aspect of him he managed to preserve away from the curious public. That was his birthright. And Tatiana made it transparent from early on that she's not going to keep it personal not one bit. She was ready to speak to the tabloids about a non-existent romance now imagine if she had any juice to share! She did publish books after all, didn't she?
She details in the book how Jackson refused to be alone with her not during outtakes, rehearsals or backstage, “someone from Michael's team tagged along” (p. 80).*** She felt agitated that she couldn't have a personal moment with him nor was she able to speak to him on the phone despite the fact she repeatedly called his secretary. Not only that, Jackson told his tour crew to stay away from Tatiana because “he knew that men could be ‘dogs’ and the tour scenario just invited trouble” (p. 81). Miko Brando's job was to keep an eye on her for the entirety of the tour.
Beside all that, she was infatuated by him to the point of obsessiveness. She was obviously clingy. He avoided trouble before it even began. He knew better than that, at the end of the day he often sang the consequences of careless affairs with the wrong people.
All in all, “The Way He Made Me Feel” as a whole is not bad; it's written in a Q & A method which makes it easy to read. The bits in which she described behind the scenes of The Way You Make Me Feel are my favorite. Also, she gives a couple of interesting accounts of her brief interactions with the Jackson family, Prince Rogers, etc.... Ms. Thumbtzen is sweet and all that, however, her relentless chase after Jackson made me feel a second-hand embarrassment chapter after chapter.
I sympathize with Ms. Thumbtzen because she had so much potential to make it big when she had the chance but instead she allowed herself to be strayed from her career into chasing her idol hoping he'd “marry her”.
*she was screwed over by her agent that did nothing to protect her rights in merchandise or anything of that sort which got nothing to do with Jackson or his estate.
**her contract with Joseph was another screw over by one of her attorneys which she blindly approached only to get to Michael but resulted in getting played instead
*** B. R. E. Awards scene she details in Chapter 8 is a brutal wake up call
December 13, 2014
The book was an interesting read in capturing a glimpse of working with music legend Michael Jackson. However, it reads more as a diary entry or journal. I did enjoy reading about Tatiana's life and her various obstacles and such.
May 29, 2014
i read this again a few days ago but forgot to update on here … my bad.
Still giving it the same low rating since I am a bit biased
due to my own personal beliefs.
Still giving it the same low rating since I am a bit biased
due to my own personal beliefs.
Want to read
January 8, 2019good and exciting
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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