Your Ex-factor

by Stephan B. Poulter

Over two-thirds of American families are "blended," which means they are made up of remarried adults and often stepchildren. Although it's good news that many divorced people remarry, the bad news is that too many of them carry the animosities and negative behavior patterns of their former heartbreaks into their new situation. In this supportive and uplifting book that is aimed at both men and women, Dr. Stephan B. Poulter―acclaimed author of The Father Factor and The Mother Factor―tackles this pervasive problem with great sensitivity and understanding. Dividing the work into three parts, Dr. Poulter takes the reader step by step from the anguish of divorce to the security of a stronger and more fulfilling future attachment.In part one, he explains how breakups happen and explores the challenges of dealing with the emotional wreckage, from guilt and anger to feelings of rejection and despair. Part two describes five relationship styles and helps readers develop insight into their own styles so that present and future relationships can grow in a healthy and refreshed atmosphere. In part three he shows ways to go beyond blame, tension, and other "ex-factors" and objectively assess inner needs. As Dr. Poulter shows, the key to forming lasting bonds with another is discovering exactly what one needs to feel loved.Your Ex-Factor will be a welcome resource to anyone trying to move forward beyond the pain of emotional loss and rediscover the joys of loving again regardless of prior history, circumstances, "old baggage," or fears. This invaluable guide will open your eyes to promote healthy and truly fulfilling relationships now and into the future.

306 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

Reviews

[George · Rating 3 out of 5]

Poulter is a clinical psychologist, who, in this book, writes about the process of overcoming the disappointment, “heartbreak,” and emotional pain of a lost love. It wasn’t as enlightening as I thought it would be, but there were some good sections that made it worth reading.

Chapter 9 – “Dating and Picking Your Life Partner” – was particularly insightful. In this chapter the author presents a list of questions that should be asked regarding your nonnegotiable needs and desires in each of the following five areas: (1) Affection, (2) Communication, (3) Intimacy, (4) Compatibility, and (5) Stress/Conflict Resolution.

Chapter 8 – “Your Relationship Style” – discussed five styles of intimacy, and was also quite good.

Overall the book was not well organized, there was quite a bit of repetition, and the writing was not exceptional. Nevertheless, I would suggest it to anyone with a particular interest in this topic.

[L · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the better breakup books. I recommend adding this one to the top of your lists if you are currently heartbroken.

[Madeleine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth checking out if you need help processing heartbreak and not repeating your past experiences.