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Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections
Its the What to Expect for adoptive families! Over 100 contributors have woven a stunning tapestry of advice for adoptive parents. Parenting adopted children requires understanding the extra layer and this book helps in that understanding. Appropriate for the newly created family or the more experienced, Adoption Parenting looks at stumbling blocks to good parenting and standard parenting practices that arent appropriate for adopted children. It looks at the core issues all members of the adoption triad face, and at how it affects standard parenting challenges like sleeping through the night, discipline, and attachment. Adoption Parenting covers specific challenges families have faced: dealing with grief and loss, FASD, Trauma and PTSD, Sensory Integration, Speech and Language delays, and ways to effectively parent a post-institutionalized child or a child who has experienced trauma in their journey to you.
503 pages, Paperback
First published July 15, 2006
13 people are currently reading
152 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
October 12, 2019
I found this book at my local library. Like other comments say, this book is focused on international adoption which is not clear until the book is being read. I didn't read it cover to cover, since many sections were not applicable, especially as the parent of an elementary aged child with a kinship adoption. However, I was able to glean some useful information from this book so all wasn't lost.
I have since found out that there is newer book by the same publishers (2015) that focuses specifically on kinship adoption, a topic that's not covered in this book (I know kinship adoption has become more common in recent years, compared to when this book was published in 2006). Unfortunately that book is not available at my local library :(
I have since found out that there is newer book by the same publishers (2015) that focuses specifically on kinship adoption, a topic that's not covered in this book (I know kinship adoption has become more common in recent years, compared to when this book was published in 2006). Unfortunately that book is not available at my local library :(
December 10, 2025
Look, I’ve done an entire international adoption program curriculum. I’ve done the readings, the activities, the “call an alumni family and ask them what their journey was like,” the elearning’s worth +$200 that cover every topic known to man plus more, etc etc etc.
None of it was as helpful as this book. Down to earth, practical, gritty, real, and truly a wealth of knowledge from families who have seen and done it all.
No offense to the resources our adoption agency has given us… but this is my GO TO from now on. Literally sitting on our coffee table right now.
And to think it caught my eye at Half Priced Books and cost a measly $4.99. Yay :)
None of it was as helpful as this book. Down to earth, practical, gritty, real, and truly a wealth of knowledge from families who have seen and done it all.
No offense to the resources our adoption agency has given us… but this is my GO TO from now on. Literally sitting on our coffee table right now.
And to think it caught my eye at Half Priced Books and cost a measly $4.99. Yay :)
November 6, 2016
Well, it took over a month, but I read this all cover to cover. I don't like to rate and review books without reading them in their entirety, and in this case I especially felt that I should since several of the other reviewers said they hadn't read it all. So I got a solid sense of the ups and downs of this adoption "toolbox." Here's my summary.
The Good:
-It's quite comprehensive. Even though it's focused primarily on children adopted internationally and (often) transracially, I was able to glean ideas for my own same-race, domestically adopted-from-birth son in areas like school projects and life narratives. (The book inspired me to research and then create and purchase a custom picture book telling his adoption story.) It tackles everything from race to PTSD to traveling back to the home country.
-There are a lot of helpful lists throughout the book that make this a good reference guide (and one reason I'm considering keeping it, despite its many issues enumerated below).
-If the (10-year-old) information in the book is accurate, many professionals, whether in health care or education, are simply not familiar with the multitude of possible issues related to institutionalization and overseas adoption. If I were going to adopt internationally, I would find some of the tips, such as about getting the child evaluated in their birth language immediately after adoption, to be critical. Based on the many stories in here from parents who were told "wait and see" by well-meaning professionals, you need to do your own research and not rely on others to catch issues (language, sensory, psychological, etc.) when they may have zero experience with this specific population.
-Although many of the stories come from the book's two editors, they include stories from a wide variety of adoptive parents and adult adoptees (only one or two birth parents), as well as from professionals who work with international adoptees.
The Neutral:
-It's written for parents of internationally adopted children, something that is not really clear until you start reading it. Although some of the topics are applicable to all adopted children, and many (race, past trauma, etc.) could be applicable to children adopted from foster care, many of the contributors make the assumption that the reader is adopting or has adopted a child internationally and write accordingly.
-It was published in 2006 (at least my copy), so some of the information is outdated by now.
The Bad:
-The editing is pretty bad, and it gets a lot worse near the end, as if they'd given up on rereading at that point. The editors and several of the contributors run the press through which the book was published, so they don't seem to have had the needed external oversight to make sure the book was well edited (nor the editing expertise to do it themselves).
-Related to that, the formatting is all over the place. Some pieces have a byline at the top, some have a bio at the end, some have both. The inclusions of the mini-bios is sometimes helpful and sometimes nonsensical, like when they simply repeat the information that was in the piece itself or when they provide information on one of the primary editors for the umpteenth time. There were other minor formatting glitches throughout, but the inconsistent attribution format drove me nuts the most.
-Even though there are a handful of male contributors, the book is written almost exclusively to women/mothers. It's assumed that the child needs to attach with the mother specifically, that the mother will be the one advocating for the child in school, and so on. Even though there is a section on same-sex parenting, the rest of the book assumes either a single female parent or a male parent and a female parent, with the female parent doing most of the work. If you are an adoptive father reading this book, you're likely to feel very left out of the discussion.
-Based on something mentioned briefly in the book, it appears to have grown out of an online community of adoptive parents who wanted to collate their personal experiences and wisdom to share with one another and others. And it absolutely reads that way. Very few sources are cited, and there's a lot of relying on the same handful of "experts" who may or may not present anything other than their own experience to back them up. Rigorously tested therapies and wholly debunked theories are all thrown together as suggested options for helping kids. Do your own research before you dive into any of the techniques, therapies, or products promoted by this book.
I think maybe the best way to view this book is if you asked 100 different adoptive parents and a dozen or so adoptees to write essays on their personal adoption experiences, and then you threw them all in a binder together roughly organized by topic. What you'd expect to get would be a massively comprehensive resource covering a wide range of topics, but with an equally large range of quality and a near-total lack of editorial oversight. That's what this book feels like. For what it is, it's useful, and I learned a lot from it. I just wish it had been put through some rigorous editorial scrutiny by someone not directly involved in its writing or publication.
The Good:
-It's quite comprehensive. Even though it's focused primarily on children adopted internationally and (often) transracially, I was able to glean ideas for my own same-race, domestically adopted-from-birth son in areas like school projects and life narratives. (The book inspired me to research and then create and purchase a custom picture book telling his adoption story.) It tackles everything from race to PTSD to traveling back to the home country.
-There are a lot of helpful lists throughout the book that make this a good reference guide (and one reason I'm considering keeping it, despite its many issues enumerated below).
-If the (10-year-old) information in the book is accurate, many professionals, whether in health care or education, are simply not familiar with the multitude of possible issues related to institutionalization and overseas adoption. If I were going to adopt internationally, I would find some of the tips, such as about getting the child evaluated in their birth language immediately after adoption, to be critical. Based on the many stories in here from parents who were told "wait and see" by well-meaning professionals, you need to do your own research and not rely on others to catch issues (language, sensory, psychological, etc.) when they may have zero experience with this specific population.
-Although many of the stories come from the book's two editors, they include stories from a wide variety of adoptive parents and adult adoptees (only one or two birth parents), as well as from professionals who work with international adoptees.
The Neutral:
-It's written for parents of internationally adopted children, something that is not really clear until you start reading it. Although some of the topics are applicable to all adopted children, and many (race, past trauma, etc.) could be applicable to children adopted from foster care, many of the contributors make the assumption that the reader is adopting or has adopted a child internationally and write accordingly.
-It was published in 2006 (at least my copy), so some of the information is outdated by now.
The Bad:
-The editing is pretty bad, and it gets a lot worse near the end, as if they'd given up on rereading at that point. The editors and several of the contributors run the press through which the book was published, so they don't seem to have had the needed external oversight to make sure the book was well edited (nor the editing expertise to do it themselves).
-Related to that, the formatting is all over the place. Some pieces have a byline at the top, some have a bio at the end, some have both. The inclusions of the mini-bios is sometimes helpful and sometimes nonsensical, like when they simply repeat the information that was in the piece itself or when they provide information on one of the primary editors for the umpteenth time. There were other minor formatting glitches throughout, but the inconsistent attribution format drove me nuts the most.
-Even though there are a handful of male contributors, the book is written almost exclusively to women/mothers. It's assumed that the child needs to attach with the mother specifically, that the mother will be the one advocating for the child in school, and so on. Even though there is a section on same-sex parenting, the rest of the book assumes either a single female parent or a male parent and a female parent, with the female parent doing most of the work. If you are an adoptive father reading this book, you're likely to feel very left out of the discussion.
-Based on something mentioned briefly in the book, it appears to have grown out of an online community of adoptive parents who wanted to collate their personal experiences and wisdom to share with one another and others. And it absolutely reads that way. Very few sources are cited, and there's a lot of relying on the same handful of "experts" who may or may not present anything other than their own experience to back them up. Rigorously tested therapies and wholly debunked theories are all thrown together as suggested options for helping kids. Do your own research before you dive into any of the techniques, therapies, or products promoted by this book.
I think maybe the best way to view this book is if you asked 100 different adoptive parents and a dozen or so adoptees to write essays on their personal adoption experiences, and then you threw them all in a binder together roughly organized by topic. What you'd expect to get would be a massively comprehensive resource covering a wide range of topics, but with an equally large range of quality and a near-total lack of editorial oversight. That's what this book feels like. For what it is, it's useful, and I learned a lot from it. I just wish it had been put through some rigorous editorial scrutiny by someone not directly involved in its writing or publication.
June 13, 2015
Nothing in the descriptions or title of the book disclose its heavy focus on international adoption. In a way, I am pleased, because it ended up providing a lot of useful information applicable for all types of adoptions. Many sections are basic to parenting, but with a focus on the adopted child (e.g., food, sleep, discipline, learning and school), and many are basic to adoption (baggage, claiming, language, loss & grief, and narrative). Each section features short contributions from experts, or those in the adoption triad. I would say that it is a valuable reference book for those who have (or want to have) domestic children from adoption, despite its heavy focus on adoptions from other countries, languages and cultures.
July 18, 2015
It's a bit of a lie to say I "finished" this book. It's not the kind of book you read from cover to cover. As it says in the title, it's more of a toolbox than an A-Z guide, so I flipped around quite a bit to the bits that I felt were more relevant to what I wanted to know. Having now read more than my fair share of parenting/adoption/foster-related books, this didn't feel like anything particularly new or exciting. That being said, it's quite comprehensive, and all of the sections I read held nothing particularly controversial or horrifying in the approach to parenting. It's a very good book for people just getting started in their reading, I think, so I would definitely recommend it to anyone who doesn't know where to start.
February 12, 2010
This book is so full of information, it took a long time to read and soak it all in but if you are adopting or have adopted you should read it. Its full of a lot of good advice. I don't agree with everything in it but it gives a lot of perspectives and does have a lot of helpful information. Defintely a most for Adoptive parents.
September 28, 2010
Largely focuses on international adoption and the issues that go along with that, but many useful techniques, things to consider (like knowing the PARENT's attachment style) and stories from those who've been there. Not really meant to be read cover to cover, but definitely one to have on your bookshelf for reference as needed!
January 14, 2013
The book did have a lot of helpful information. Not an easy read. Some of the chapters/articles were very clinical and seemed more for a therapist rather than a parent. The typos, omitted words, extra words, etc made me crazy.
June 25, 2008
This book is great and I promise the fact I am one of the contributors has nothing to do with my belief in how good a resource this is for many families. :)
October 22, 2010
Probably the most helpful adoptive parent resource I've seen thus far. Covers a wide variety of issues for children of all ages.
June 1, 2010
This is a long-term, on-going read and a must have for adoptive parents. Everytime I need some help there is wisdom in its pages. It covers a broad range of topics and ages.
June 24, 2010
This was one of the most helpful parenting books!!
May 2, 2015
A decent source book, but it definitely focuses on international adoption. Info on attachment and adopting older children is helpful.
June 4, 2016
Of all the many, many books I have read on adoptive parenting, this was the most helpful. It is the book I recommend first to all new or prospective adoptive parents.
June 6, 2016
Simply put, this is the best.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews