Twelve-year-old Molly Nathans is good at appearing perfect. Perfect grades, perfectly attired, top place in slam poetry competitions. And let's not forget her perfectly tidy room, with her glass animal figurine collection, each animal evenly spaced from the next. But beneath that perfect lies a secret: ever since Mom left (ostensibly for a job in Toronto, but it felt like leaving, period), Molly's been overcome by fear. She worries nonstop about terrible things happening to her little brother Ian. The only thing that helps is counting by fours and keeping everything in perfect order.
But how long can she keep everything in perfect order, really?
In this heartfelt debut novel, Swartz explores Molly's growing understanding of her own problems -- and the coping mechanism that doesn't keep them in line -- as all of it spins out of control. Molly isn't alone in any of this -- she's surrounded by well-intentioned friends and has a caring older sister -- but there's an isolation that comes from thinking you're crazy, one which Swartz deftly communicates. My heart broke for Molly, who tries so hard to be strong, but who cannot single-handedly solve this problem. OCD is a very misunderstood disorder, one that many refer to jokingly -- "I'm a little OCD", etc. -- in a way that minimizes its real harm, but one that thankfully can be treated.
I loved getting to follow Molly's journey toward an understanding that "perfect" doesn't really exist; it's a myth. I think this story will speak to a lot of tween readers, especially in communities where this elusive "perfect" feels like the end goal.