Badass: A Relentless Onslaught of the Toughest Warlords, Vikings, Samurai, Pirates, Gunfighters, and Military Commanders to Ever Live

by Ben Thompson

The badasses populating the pages of Badass are the most savagely awesome historical figures to ever strap on a pair of chain mail gauntlets and run screaming into battle. Author Ben Thompson—considered by many to be the Internet’s foremost expert on badassitude—has gathered together a rogues’ gallery of butt-stomping rogues, from Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan to Blackbeard, George S. Patton, and Bruce Lee. Their bone-breaking exploits are illustrated by top artist from the fields of gaming, comics, and cards—DC Comics illustrator Matt Haley and Thomas Denmark, illustrator for the collectible card game Magic: The Gathering. This is not your boring high school history—this is tough, manly, unrelentingly Badass!

Genres: History, Nonfiction, Humor, Biography, Comedy, Military Fiction, Historical

334 pages, Paperback

First published October 27, 2009

About the author

I write stuff about badasses.

Reviews

[Stephen · Rating 4 out of 5]

History…complete with locker-room colloquialisms, nut scratching and the occasional fist and/or chest bump.

This is less a history book and more like a drunk conversation during a football game with your college roommate who’s majoring in history and pulling straight A’s despite living almost exclusively on Big Macs and bong resin. This is world history taught by the triumvirate of Sylvester Stallone, Samuel Jackson and John Madden.

....and I thought it was sooooooooooooooooo much fun.

Ben Thompson rolled a fatty, poured some suds and gathered together 40 historical figures from widely disparate backgrounds, time periods and levels of morality that represent the toughest, most victorious, most testosterone-laden men (and women) in all of history. The one common trait….ass-kicking.

Given the title, “Badass,” and the use of phrases like “meat-normous, skull-obliterating club” and “kicking mother nature in the ovaries with a steel-toed boot” should light bulb you in to the fact that this book is not designed to be a meaningful, scholarly, insightful analysis of historical figures. This is one of the rare times that a historical analysis can be accurately described using the phrase romp…...that’s right romp. Here butchery, babe magnets and d-bag killing men-children blend in like commas and periods.

Welcome to history on the FX channel.

The good news for anyone testing this book out is that you will know within the first 10 pages whether this induces a love connection or an allergic reaction. Ben’s tone is juvenile and overtly macho and I can completely understand why that would grate on someone’s cheese and make them toss the book in the furnace. As for me, it gave me a happy.

CONTENTS:

The book is broken down into 40 short chapters, varying in length from 1-2 pages to around 15. Each chapter addresses a different historical badass. In my case, these sorted themselves into 3 main categories:

1. The Previously Studied: This grouping includes those historical figures of whom I had previously read, studied or had more than passing familiarity with, including the likes of:

Genghis Kahn,
Alexander the Great,
Leonidas,
Julius Caesar,
William the Conqueror,
Napoleon and
George S. Patton.

For the most part, if you have read any halfway serious treatment of the above, you won’t be learning anything new. However, the recap is still very entertaining. Plus, it was not all old hat for me with respect to these figures as in some cases I got a greater sense of just how mega these chaps were in the nut-cracking department. Take for instance this blurb on Alexander the Great:

Not even life-threatening wounds could slow down this human torture rack, and no amount of physical pain or suffering could keep him from personally leading his men on balls-out cavalry charges all over the Middle East. During his adventures slicing dudes up across the entire continent of Asia, Alexander was shot with arrows in both things, the ankle, the shoulder, and the lung, stabbed in the head and thigh, clubbed in the neck, smashed in the skull with a battle-axe, bitten by a lion, and nailed with a rock that was launched out of catapult. He once dislocated his shoulder leaping off his horse onto one of his dismounted enemies. Hell, not even explosive diarrhea put a halt to his quest for ass-kicking; he once pursued a routed Scythian army for twelve miles while suffering from severe dysentery.

My image of Alexander was always that of less than physically imposing “brains over brawn” general and never knew how often he was wounded in battle and “right in the thick of things.” I thought that was pretty interesting.

In addition, there are a some wonderful historical quote spread throughout the book like this classic from Genghis Kahn: “The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your boson his wives and daughters.” Of course, as we all know, Genghis borrowed this line from an earlier badass:


2. The Casually Aware: The second, and largest, category includes those figures that (a) I had either indirectly or casually read about but had not extensively studied (e.g., Peter the Great, Xenophon, Ramses II, Alric the Bold and Justinian) and (b) those with whom I was generally familiar but had not previously read any biographical info (e.g., Blackbeard, Bruce Lee, The Red Baron). These entries were both entertaining and informative and get a double thumbs up from me.

Take Bruce Lee, for example. I have seen a bunch of his movies and know generally about his life. However, I was completely unaware that he used to get in real fights all….. the…. time because big dumb douche bags would want to test his mettle. Lee used to wipe the floor with them with effortless ease and once was irate because he allowed himself to become “a bit winded” during one of these altercations.

I knew Lee was a badass….but I didn’t know he was a BADASS.

3.Never Heard of: This final category was the most rewarding for me because it was fun as hell and I ran into fascinating historical figures of whom I was almost completely ignorant…and in some cases you can scratch almost. These included:

Bass Reeves: Runaway slave who became one of baddest lawman of the American West.

Miyamoto Musashi: The baddest ronin swordsman in Japan who fought (and won) over 60 duels between the age of 13 and 30. Note: In a massive dose of coincidence, I recently bought Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy written by Musashi and am now dying to read it soon.

Anne Bonny: One of histories only female pirates and as mean and nasty as they come.

Carlos Hathcock: Called the deadliest man alive, this is arguably the most successful U.S. sniper in history. He helped establish the U.S Marine sniper school and has been the inspiration for man fictional characters including Tom Berenger’s role in the movie Sniper

Chandragupta Maurya: Indian Warlord who used army of war elephants and apparently was the inspiration for “Charlie’s Angels”…

No, Chandragupta Maurya’s badassitude stems from the fact that he knew how to use his power in the most awesome way possible, by constantly surrounding himself with a highly trained, hyperelite, well-armed personal bodyguard of more than five hundred Greek and Indian warrior women. These superhot babes followed him around day and night, just looking for one good reason to jam their blades into someone’s cranial cavity, choke-slam them down a flight of stairs, or shred on their sitars.

Wolf the Quarrelsome (my single favorite name in the book): Irish barbarian and brother of King Brian Boru. Only appears in history twice and both times he is committing blood-soaked mayhem with his enemies.

CONCLUSION:

This was a blast.

I came very close to giving this one 5 stars. However, Thompson’s tone does, at times, get a bit wearing and some of his lines hit the ear with a corn-loaded clank that made my brain wince. Still, for me at least, Thompson lands far more punches than he misses and I was generally smiling throughout with the occasional out loud guffaws.

Definitely as much fun as I have ever had reading history.

4.0 stars. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

[Ben Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I gave myself five stars in a flagrant, unabashed display of shameless self-promotion.

[Dxmaniac69 · Rating 2 out of 5]

A history book that describes various kick ass people in detail? Sounds like a great idea! Too bad the execution sucked.

The problem is that the writer is too busy using modern hyperbole to describe each person that it just becomes silly. For instance in one description the viking Harald Hardrada is described as doing a top rope elbow drop, while in another Miyamoto Musashi is described as rocking out to 80s metal. Seriously, it ends up feeling like a 14 year old boy wrote the book. And because of all the ridiculous hyperbole, there were a few times I couldn't tell if the situation described was an exaggeration or an actual event.

I would have preferred if the author stuck to historical fact instead of trying to be amusing. It doesn't help that it's the same joke over and over again.

Although, I did appreciate him calling a historical figure a "douche flavored taco." (And no, I don't recall who. I just remember the phrase.)

History can be written to be accessible without it being written this juvenile.

[Scotty Schrier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, kid gloves are off. You take the title of this book and multiply that bitch by like 10 or something. Then, go and punch a shark in the junk. And you STILL won't be as Badass as this book.

To come close you'd have to conquer a nation...or TWO...and then do a fricken backflip for no fucking reason other than to kick GOD himself in his bearded chin. (You know...to prove that you could.)After that, you'd have to survive some insurmountable odds...like WAY worse than that 300 shit you saw. Only then could you be considered worthy enough for the people in this book. I say people...because some of the biggest badasses were ladies!

If only this shit had been taught like this in high school. I'd be a fricken PHD by now!

[Olethros · Rating 3 out of 5]

-Revisión cercana y casi “poligonera” de ciertos personajes más o menos conocidos.-

Género. Ensayo.

Lo que nos cuenta. Ligera aproximación a diferentes figuras de la historia (que no siempre de la Historia) de muy distinto calibre, que para el autor encarnan distintas versiones de lo que debería ser un “tipo duro”, con una revisión previa de lo que él entiende por ese concepto y un viaje posterior por diferentes periodos de nuestra historia.

¿Quiere saber más de este libro, sin spoilers? Visite:

http://librosdeolethros.blogspot.com/...

[J.M. (Joe) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ben Thompson has selected certain badass individuals from history and summarized their no-holds-barred lives by putting them up against his own '90s pop culture measuring stick for badasses. He covers 40 badasses through Antiquity, the Middles Ages, the Age of Gunpowder, and the Modern Era, and inside you will read on figures from Ramses to Vlad the Impaler to the Red Baron to Bruce Lee. In short, this book is enlightening at times, LOL-funny at times, and overall just face-explodingly victorious!

Four stars. Very much recommended!

(Though it took me a while to read this, it's because 1) it was my bathroom reader of choice, and 2) I actually misplaced this book for about four months, because I'm a scatterbrained fool!)

There's a second book in this series:

[Phillip Fuller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ben Thompson has compiled profiles of tough warriors through the ages using the language of trash talking MMA fighters. The stories of people who were killing machines raises ones bloodlust but do we want to revere someone for violence? I enjoyed it as a spectator of seeing someone crushing the enemy but my conscience saw what some of them like Genghis Khan as not worthy of adulation. Another thought I had was how war is politics expressed as violence seeing how many killed others on the political divide such as Vietcong versus American military. This book was a guilty pleasure as I enjoyed reading the adventures of morally questionable people.

[Miroku Nemeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like to read books that will augment my understanding of history, and sometimes much can be gained from an entertaining read that may not be too academically heavy.
Though I should have known from the title, the rhetorical style of the author is something akin to a fourteen-year-old comic book nerd who has learned a few words of how “real men” talk and parrots them ad nauseam in attempt at Spike TV-type “manliness”. A few pages in, it becomes extremely tiresome, and it is sustained throughout the books 300+ pages, for the most part. I bought the book as a review of some interesting figures in history—and it does contain interesting figures—including some of my heroes like Miyamoto Musashi, Khalid bin Waleed, and Bruce Lee. But one cannot help wondering if it is an extended satirical piece mocking those who would worship testosterone. Sadly, it seems to have been written in earnest with an attempt at humor. It rarely is successful in its attempts. Crassness is not the same as humor.

Unfortunately, the majority of his history is nothing but the shallowest of readings in unquestioning military propaganda where the ideological bias of the author is very much in evidence. For me, a clear indication of the author’s truly retarded vision of history is when he calls the Civil War, the “American Civil War of Northern Aggression Between the States” (234).


Annoying misusage of an important term: He misuses even common contemporary terms like “chicana”, applying it to indigenous (or mestizo?—it is unclear who he generally refers to) women during the time of the conquistadors in Central America, while the terms “Chicano” and “Chicana” apply only to Mexican Americans.


His chapter on Musashi erroneously states that he got no martial arts training (he became an autonomous and spontaneous master) which overlooks his own family’s lineage in martial arts and the instruction he received from his own father (read the masterful study “Miyamoto Musashi: His Life and Writings” by Kenji Tokitsu for thoroughly researched evidence on this issue).


Frustratingly sloppy history: “When those crazy Commies started their wacky hijinks in 1966….” (300). Without going over the entire history of our pre-1965 involvement in the Vietnam War, or the fact that it wasn’t necessarily the Commies “hijinks”, but many of ours—a legacy of European colonialism and our ascendancy as arguably the greatest world power—that led to 200,000 American troops on the ground in Vietnam by the end of 1965—I have no idea how any writer can be so disrespectful or any editor so negligent so as to allow this mistake to be published. And it is on the chapter on the great sniper, Carlos Hathcock, whose book I read on the recommendation of my decorated Vietnam veteran father. A historian has an obligation to know his facts well, and to convey them in a clear manner. When Thompson quotes Wilde in his bibliography as saying “Anybody can make history. Only a great man can write it.”, I think that it has to be remembered that an essential element in greatness is hard work.

I do not often write condemnatory reviews of books, but the ubiquitous bigotry and stupid crassness of the book was disappointing—as well as were the ideological biases of the book—though I understand this is important for creating a humorous effect . A rewritten version, cleaned up, made more humorous without resorting so much crassness, the facts checked more thoroughly, etc. would actually be a great book. The format—providing an engaging brief narrative with well-executed illustrations, a few related facts in boxes in connection with each chapter, etc.—is actually a good format and one that could be beneficial for many age groups—but I definitely cannot say this for this edition.

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let me be clear on this: This book is rude, profane, and is directed to people with the emotional maturity of a seventh grader.
And I laughed until it hurt.
What I imagined was some marginally literate surfer dude who was given an encyclopedia of military history, and who keeps rushing into your dorm room screaming, "You gotta get a load of THIS!" and then paraphrases what he read about some skull-crushing, throat-tearing Conan the Barbarian type. The exuberance and enthusiasm of the author jumps off the page, usually accompanied by a reference to scrotums. Shouldn't work, but it does.
The five stars aren't because this is on par with "To Kill a Mockingbird," or even its less-known sequel, "Has Anybody Seen My Freaking Mockingbird?" Instead, they are in honor of my wife being kept awake while I read passages to her that she can't understand because I'm wheezing from laughter while reading them.
This book is wrong. Completely, deeply, utterly wrong. But that's all right.

[Tom · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book might just be a colorful title, but it turns out the title was just an indicator of everything that was inside. The author took a bunch of historic figures, most of them military but a handful of law enforcement types, Nikola Tesla, and Bruce Lee, then wrote up biographies explaining why they were badasses. If he didn't write like a 14 year old wrestling fan, it might have been better. Sadly, his style seems to repeat itself a lot, with goofy lists, odd similes, and lots of references to the removal of enemy faces. You might learn something, but with his geek references and such, its actually hard to tell how much of what he says is him making stuff up and how much actually happened...and he may have known that in that he added a "(seriously)" or something like it a couple times for some of the odder ideas and factoids in his book.

[Vikram Chatterji · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gritty, tough and surprisingly informative !
Ben Thompson has a very pedestrian and kickass form of narration that makes reading about all the Badasses a LOT of fun.

It covers the ages from Ramses to Chandragupta Maurya to Jonathan Netanyahu, by dividing the book into four eras.
Makes history so much easier to consume.

[Tori · Rating 2 out of 5]

the FEW chapters on badass ladies were alright, but the style is way too frat-bro for me to enjoy. when you have to amend your compliment of a "balls-out" attack to a "tits-out" one, you should be able to realize the limits of your gendered language.

[Kendall Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Writings like these sustained me throughout my high school career. In retrospect, this book aged far better than I expected it too.

[Rupinder · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-Researched, Informative, Funny as Hell, and Very Inspiring.

[Gerry O'Malley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of the funniest books I have ever read.

I've read a lot of books by stand-up comics and most of them aren't funny. The stand-up act just doesn't translate to the written word (Denis Leary is an example, Jim Norton is an exception). On his webpage Ben Thompson describes himself as "a full-time corporate wage slave who spends his spare time writing about things he thinks are badass" and he runs an hilarious website called "badassoftheweek.com" that should be required reading for every middle-school history class in America - so should this book.

Thompson reaches into the shoebox of history and pulls out little snippets of biographical gold about...well, badasses - men and women that, through their incredible heroism and courage manage to overcome seemingly impossible odds. As an example, here is the first paragraph from the Chapter on Xenophon - "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Xenophon is probably the most badass Greek hero you've never heard of. This stalwart Athenian military commander led a tough-as-hell group of ten thousand mercenaries on an odyssey so monumentally epic that it would make Homer crap his pants, traveling the entire length of the known world in pursuit of adventure, wealth, and jerk wads who needed to get their faces smashed, and then fighting his way home when all the odds were stacked up against him."

Thompson is right - I had never heard of Xenophon, but after reading an introduction like that, what red-blooded American 12 year old wouldn't want to run to the nearest computer and google "Xenophon" and "ass-kicking"? I've passed this book along to a few of my Navy buddies, all of whom enjoyed it, but this isn't a book for the barroom...this book was written for my son and his group of amateur 5th grade troublemakers. It reminded me of my own pre-teen, 5th grade bunch of hormone crazed adolescent roughnecks - we would have read every page of this book and argued about who was the bigger badass before guzzling bottles of Yoo-Hoo, throwing rocks at each other and jumping on each others heads: Khalid Bin Walid ("Trained form birth in the hypermanly arts of horsemanship, sword fighting, wrestling and punching people in the face so hard that their brains explode into tiny gray particles, the great Muslim warlord Khalid Bin Walid was bred for one thing: kicking serious ass") or Miyamoto Musashi ("Musashi's life was like something out of a nitro-badass Clint Eastwood or Toshiro Mifune movie. This lone warrior would quietly roll into town, get involved in a bunch of crazy adventures, start trouble with the toughest dudes in town, slaughter everyone with a pulse, get a hot chick to fall in love with him, and then ride off into the sunset without stopping to say good-bye to the rotting piles of corpses he left in his wake.").

Obviously, the greatest thing about this book is the 5th grade level of complexity that Thompson brings to his descriptions of the collection of badasses. Thompson writes the way a 5th grade boy speaks, focusing on the things a 5th grade boy cares about - ass kicking, weapons and kicking ass. I laughed out loud in many places throughout the book and several times was reduced to uncontrollable giggling as I read the book in bed and tried not to laugh and wake up my wife. I usually wound up waking her up anyway.

There just isn't any mystery with this book - it is a screamingly funny, superficial biographical treatment of some of history's greatest warriors that will appeal to any 5th grade boy or 50 year old man that remembers fondly the friends of his youth and the many sun-soaked afternoons in the schoolyard cracking each other up with stories just like these.

One more from the chapter on Anne Bonny; "Anne Bonny was a crazy-ass pirate chick who sailed across the Caribbean destroying anybody who looked at her funny and generally being a vicious, man-killing scourge of the seas, making a name for herself by hacking the arms off merchant sailors, stepping on their necks, and then shooting them out of a cannon face-first into a brick wall".

My son and I are both cracking up as I write this...and he just ran off to google Anne Bonny....

[Matt Shea · Rating 2 out of 5]

As I breezed through the beginning chapters of 'Badass', I laughed heartily at author Ben Thompson's narrative style. That is, a drunken Frat Boy who just so happens to know a lot about historical figures. Eventually this over-the-top, yet bastardized summation of history's greatest badasses gets quite old. As Thompson dragged me along, the humor I found in the early pages turned to frustration. Thompson adds a lot of colorful, clearly false accomplishments to every figure he describes, which is admittedly usually good for a laugh or two. However, he over uses this joke so much, that he eventually makes you, the reader, question what is fact and what is fiction. By the end, I found myself skimming at great length. There's only so many times you can read the sentence "...with only his _______ and huge nut sack..." before becoming insanely bored. (No joke, this exact sentence is used no fewer than three different times.)

I also happened to read this book only a few months after reading a 900-page biography of Napoleon, so, needless to say, when Napoleon's chapter came, the amount of marginalization Thompson employs in this book was on full display. Not that I expected anything else; it's a short book, with short descriptions. But my outside knowledge did make me question how much I was really learning about these other, more obscure badasses.

And speaking of them...while he includes many famous badasses, his primary focus is to showcase the unsung hardcore soldiers of history. And somehow he left out Simo "the White Death" Hayha, whom if you hadn't heard of until now...go Wiki him. Chris Kyle is also left out, but as this book was published around the time Kyle was discharged, I'm willing to let that one slide.

Finally, as the book goes on and the jokes run dry Thompson's writing reveals a predictable, yet upsetting string of sexist remarks that go right along with his immature writing style and skill. Not to even touch the amount of "pussies" the book doles out, Thompson never uses the word 'female', and instead says things like "woman-pilots", 'chicks', and "man-eaters". This paints a pretty clear picture of who we're dealing with as an author.

In short, I'd recommend you read this book in short bursts on the can...otherwise you'll end up either tossing it to the side and forgetting all about it. The more practical use would be to look at the table of contents, write down all the names of these badass individuals, and then go read about them from some actually reliable sources.

[Dayle · Rating 5 out of 5]

As is pretty typical with anyone who uses humour in writing, people are bound to hate it for being too 'this' or not enough 'that'. And obviously (as I can see from other reviewers) I'm not the first to tout Ben Thompson's first book as being a little over the top, but only at certain times. But I'm more than a little suspicious that this book had so many bad reviews despite the fact that it distinctly reminds me of movies like the Hangover, Wedding Crashers, and anything on the Spike channel, etc. all of which are pretty popular and generally well received(ish). That being said, I whole-heartedly disagree with most of the reviewers out there, I was on the floor laughing while reading this book, and only put it down when I had to. Just to be clear, I'm neither 13 years old, nor a teenage boy.

As a political science/history major, Thompson has had the experience of forcibly learning about the past but as anyone can clearly see, history isn't exactly on many people's "Must Research" list, despite the fact that it's fairly important. One doesn't have to split hairs much to figure out why that is... it's boring. Endless lists of dates, battles over land that have no real modern-day political significance with tactics and weaponry long out-dated... history puts a lot of people to sleep.

However, what Thompson does superbly is entice the reader back through the ages and introduces us to historical figures in a light most have probably never see before, basically as real people who did some pretty awesome stuff. He does this with sarcasm, hyperbole and over-the-top but still funny, modern day comparisons in a testosterone-filled and frequent run-on sentence style.

If you're tired of dry history texts that make you want to join the mass of ignorant sheep out there out of pure boredom, but still want to learn something and have a laugh, this is the book for you. Unless, you know, you're a history major then you've likely already heard of these epically awesome people from the past.

And personally, after having read this book, everytime I watch 300 I always imagine Leonidas telling Xerxes to "Eat me."

[Erik · Rating 3 out of 5]

What do you do with an honors graduate with degrees in history and political science? Why, write a book, of course! Thompson proves that BA degrees aren’t as useless as they seem by penning a raucous, rollicking ride through history filled with testosterone-fueled back-handed badassery. Although there doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason as to how Thompson chose his historical subjects – some are genocidal maniacs, and others true patriots defending themselves from such people – Thompson’s writing is delightfully barbed and wicked. However, if I have any complaints, I couldn’t figure out why he chose to ignore Alexander the Great’s well-documented homosexuality (insecure phobia, perhaps?), as well as not include maps of the Far East (China, Japan, and Southeast Asia); even though he did include numerous maps of Europe and the Near East. For such a cleverly witted mind, those are glaring omissions that any editor should have caught. (Perhaps Thompson drank them under the table during their meetings? Yeah, that explains it.)

[James Piper · Rating 1 out of 5]

Coarse, crude, offensive.

It's history meets shock disc jockey. That might work if there was something clever in the shock but it's pedestrian and repetitive. It also uses references to US culture and society that I'm not familiar with and hence I'm lost by it.

Here's some irony. He writes about how the Spartans would banish "pussies" to Athens, those who wanted to study and read books instead of being a Spartan who focused on being a warrior. It seems the author agrees with the Spartans and yet he writes a book. Does that mean he's a pussy?

This tone would work for some type of cable TV show--cater to the 19-year old males who'd like the language and derision. It doesn't work as a book because those types rarely read books.

I'd like to know more about the characters of this book but in a different style.

[Mr. Kovach · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was very enjoyable. I finished reading it while my wife was having surgery on her broken leg, and it helped me take my mind off of being very worried about her. Books can do that! Thankfully, the surgery went well and the book was terrific. If you love history you will probably like this book. It is about the greatest military commanders and fighters of history. It portrays them in a way that is very fun to read, with basically a "kick ass" attitude. I'm not sure I'm supposed to say that word on goodreads, but the book really is very funny in that way and yet full of interesting and real history. This book proves that books can be both very informative and very entertaining. Many kudos to this author for proving this.

[Mark Muckerman · Rating 1 out of 5]

If this book was written by a thirteen year old boy who was testing out his Thesaurus of B-Grade Juvenile Descriptive Swear Words, I'd give it two stars for the research alone.

But it wasn't, so I won't.

Everything about this book is horrible: so badly written in a painful-to-read juvenile jargon, it became unreadable. Providing only minimal factual information on the characters, unfortunately wrapped in and obscured by the author's "colorful commentary", the topic is thin, the writing amateurish and repetitive, and ultimately a colossal failure.

This book should be burned. Not because I advocate book burning - rather if it were burned, in death it might still provide some beneficial value of light & heat.

Welcome to my worst-of-all-time shelf.

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

I confess I abandoned this book after the first section about badasses of the ancient world. While there is indeed plenty of badassery described therein, the presentation is the same note played over and over. ("Xenophon polished off his pair of gigantic brass balls and put them too good use." "Alexander ... delivered Judge Dredd-style death-vengeance to anyone stupid enough to cross him.") The endless hyperbole makes these people into movie action heroes rather than historical figures, which actually kind of takes away some of the badassery. There might as well be chapter in there about John Wick.

[Steve Chaput · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thomson brilliantly and in a very, funny fashion presents the lives of those individuals who proved that the meek better just get out of the way because they aren't going to rule a darn thing. Not the nicest group of folks you would want to encounter, but certainly people who made a name for themselves, often despite huge odds. From soldiers and pirates to heroes and rogues you won't be bored. Thomson did do his research, but be prepared for some not so historically accurate "dialogue". Highly recommended for history & adventure buffs with a sense of humor.

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyable... some parts are funny enough to make me spit milk out my nose (literally). I found that I ended up reading this book with my laptop open and Wikipedia up in my browser, just to fact-check each account, and every time, I said, "Son of a gun... that actually HAPPENED??!!" Thompson's style is a bit over the top, but this book was a quick read, and thoroughly enjoyable.

[J.D. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed. Hard. I told my friends about the book, with illustrative examples. They laughed hard as well. You'll laugh hard, too.

And, as Bill Cosby used to say about the "Fat Albert" show, if you're not careful, you might learn something before it's done.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one is a keeper. Thompson makes history modern and funny and memorable. I especially like the five tips in the beginning of the book for what makes a badass, as they come from all times, races and creeds. You want to be like the people in the book, if not as bloodthirsty in some cases.

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome. Just awesome.

[Kari Brownholland · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book. It’s fun reading about “face-smashers” doing “awesome” bloodthirsty things. This sentence is fantastic: “[…] Blackbeard just cracked his knuckles, drew his pistols, and swore so heartily that it killed a dolphin.” LOVE IT!

But the misogyny, all-too present references to nuts/balls and small shots of racism were a huge turnoff.

For example: “this highly dangerous suicide operation would have had left pussier men crippled by a severe case of vaginitis,”

or: “his offspring were some of the meanest, toughest , and most diabolical bastards to ever put on a toga for purposes other than convincing slutty sorority girls to get wasted on five-thousand-proof vodka and take their shirts off in front of a digital camcorder.”

or: “seriously colossal steel testicles.”

or: “she pulled her burkha off and threw herself at him immediately.”

or: “promptly ran screaming away from the battlefield like the bitch that he was.”

If you’re going to talk about Alexander the Great’s sex life: “chilling with his three wives (and countless mistresses)” - you probably need to mention Hephaestion…

Again, there is so much that is fun in this book, it should be better!

(Also, there is a chunk of apocryphal stories presented as truth, such as Bass Reeves punching his owner or Nikolai Tesla causing an earthquake that destroyed a building)

[Mrs. Robin_ · Rating 1 out of 5]

I abandoned this book. I like bite chunk interesting pieces of history. Given the title, I thought that's what I was going to get. Short pieces about the best of the best. Instead, this book was full of "large breasted Egyptian goddesses giving lap dances" and vaginitis, pussy, penis, etc. It's just short of a fart joke. Reading this reminds me of the stereotypical guy at the bar who works out all the time and "reads" (probably just audio books while he's lifting iron) when he's not working out or pumping himself full of protein shakes or picking up babes 20 years younger than himself. Cringe. Red flags. Yeah, this would appeal to a certain demographic of men who can't think with the right head. Eh, not my cup of tea. The Nikola Tesla chapter was good. Too bad it couldn't have all been written that way. I mean, you can't really make sexual jokes about celibate, though, so.....I'm asking for too much.

[Tom Schulte · Rating 2 out of 5]

Narrated with gusto by L. J. Ganser, this locker room talk about the highlights of civilization featuring warriors and their ilk briskly told with lots of "nut sack" swinging. The adolescent humor is worth a chuckle in the beginning, but quickly grows wearisome. Despite an overt lack of political correctness, this work seems to try hard to bring in a variety of civilizations including those in Africa and Asia and women like the Night Witches (a World War II German nickname for the female military aviators of the 588th Night Bomber Regiment) and even other species, such as the shell-toting bear Wojtek.