Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man: Learn to Love What's Right Instead of Trying to Fix What's Wrong

by Sally B. Watkins

What you will discover by reading this book is that the real relationship you are seeking is with yourself.  It provides the tools to build an empowered self and a full happy life even with a flawed partner and an imperfect relationship.  Many a woman has tossed aside good men trying to find the fantasy prince and happily ever after, only to end up disapppointed.  Men are not hard wired or socialized for the impossible relationship that romantic novels and movies promise.  All the nagging, complaining, and crying just make it worse.  Even couples counseling can backfire it you enlist the help of a therapist to fix him.  This groundbreaking guide offers specific strategies to find acceptance and contentment with your guy as he is.
With quizzes, exercises, and case studies drawn from her own private practice, psychotherapist Sally B. Watkins helps you develop autonomy and inner resources and grow a mature adult self.  You can help your man be more relational, get more of what you want, and become happier.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

This book is based on my twenty year psychotherapy practice helping women who are disappointed and dispairing about their relationship. I live in El Dorado Hills, California, with my husband and enjoy healthy cooking, working out, hiking and sailing. My two sons are grown. "

Reviews

[Raemia · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVED this book so much that I'm going to buy it.

[Shirin Abdel Rahman · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well written book about marital issues and obstacles.

[Leigh Williams · Rating 1 out of 5]

***sigh***

[Linda Clarke · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is full of wonderful ideas to help a marriage become stronger, to help bond two people with two different backgrounds and ideas. Even if a couple is raised similarly, there is one factor to take into account. A woman is completely different than a man with different needs. Sally Watkins says, “Many women feel that the way to fix a problem is to confront their man, reveal their feelings, and ask for what they want to change.” This simply doesn’t work. We tend to believe in the “happily ever after” stories, believing there is a perfect man out there for us, and that life will be wonderful. Where did this idea come from? Fairytales, romantic novels, and romantic movies! Sally’s first chapter is called: Fairytale Fantasy—Busted.

I love what Sally said in her book. “The purpose of a relationship is not to make you happy—no one person can or should be expected to do that—but rather to help you evolve and grow in character and strength and support your being in the world.” What a wonderful thought! This book will help women solve a wide range of problems. The secret is by changing your mindset, not your man. You “will experience a decrease in anger and disappointment” as you learn to understand yourself more fully.

Reviewed by Linda Weaver Clarke, author of the historical romance series "A Family Saga in Bear Lake, Idaho."

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man is a practical guide on how to stop picking at the flaws in your partner, trying to get him to change and how to focus on the good in the man you fell in love with. Filled with simple, effective wisdom and advise, Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man will not only change your mindset about relationships, but will also change the expectations you have for yourself.

Throughout every chapter, the author challenges the reader to examine their thought process and beliefs. Watkins gives practical applications on how to truly change deep rooted mindsets. She gives lists of questions to ask yourself and how to analyze your thoughts and motives.

I HIGHLY recommend this book for all women, even if you don’t think you nag or are trying to change your partner. The man in your life will truly appreciate it. Actually, I know a few men that could benefit from reading this book. Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man is an excellent resource, even if you’re not in a relationship right now.

[Sheli Ellsworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man by Sally B. Watkins, a clinical social worker is a rich investigation into the minds of women. Written in simple terms, it is both readable and informative.
It challenges women to be more accepting and less critical, a tried and true formula for many endeavors.
Starting with the basics of how we got where we are, Ms. Watkins explains the simple premise of fairytale logic and its consequences. Then she invites us to challenge our perfectionist attitudes and be more accepting of ourselves and our mates. She even gives the reader permission to design her own perfect relationship and explore the scenario of what you want vs. what you have. This is a great book for the chronically dissatisfied, the newly married, and the hopelessly romantic.

[Dee Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read many self help books over the years, and I have to say this is the one that really hit home for me. The prose was very direct.. but kind.. and had life examples that were pertinent to what is happening to me right now. I did not share this book with my husband as I wanted to see if what I applied, solely from the advice given in the book, would improve my feelings toward my husband and our marriage. I am happy to report that it has. I've also applied the advice to other relationships in my life and I am now much better at not taking things personally and to let things go. I have this book in my library now and this is a book that I will highly recommend to others, but not lend out my copy.

[Jennifer Otoole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! It is organized in a manner which is very easy to read! The author uses practical and thought provoking ideas about relationships. I have read many relationship books and this is by far the most valuable one I have read personally. I am using her suggestions in my relationship and can already see a huge difference in how I am relating to my spouse. I recommend this book to anyone who is looking for new and fulfilling way to communicate with thier spouse.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick read and I recommend this to every woman, even if you are a confident woman in your relationship. It helps to remind you of the little things we forget in a relationship. I'm not trying to change my hubby but being married for so many years, you just have to remind yourself of his perspective!

[Cody]

I won this book on First-Reads

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for anyone before or while in a relationship. The information provided was an eye opener of some things that I could do differently .