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Nine Ball: Confessions of an Angst-Ridden Maniac Who Decided to Get Laid or Die Trying
In the beginning, there were field reports.Before there were any books by Neil Strauss or Mystery, before there were pickup boot camps or DVD box sets, pickup existed as a loosely-knit "community" on Internet bulletin boards. There, would-be players shared their field reports, strategies, and results. They compared notes, exchanged critiques, and figured out a body of knowledge that defied everything men had ever been told about getting women--what has since come to be known as "game."
The undisputed king of the field report was a player named "jlaix." This was the handle of Jeff Allen, who would go on to be a founding member of Real Social Dynamics with Tyler Durden and Papa, all of whom play major roles in Neil Strauss's "The Game," the bestselling expose of the world of pickup artists. In an arena founded on one-upmanship, Jeff Allen did it bigger and better than anyone. "Get Laid or Die Trying" presents in utterly shameless, hilarious, and graphic detail, Jeffy's gritty, 100 percent real, and jaw-droppingly astonishing feats of seduction, revealing exactly how one goes
- Attracting the girl you want by sleeping with all of her friends
- Getting into the pants of the hottest girl at the party--a total stranger--in less than thirty minutes
- Deflecting last-minute resistance with a single word
- Pulling a chick who is surrounded by ten jealous guys
- Cutting out enormous dudes that could easily pound you to a "fine red mist"
- Getting threesomes as your default extraction
- Having a stable so big you have to trim it down, and other "quality problems"
- Convincing a girl you just met that before you fuck her, she must mow your lawn
Jeff's tactics produce superhuman results, yet he doesn't do anything you couldn't do--now that you've seen it done. The worst part? You could have been doing this your whole life.
The undisputed king of the field report was a player named "jlaix." This was the handle of Jeff Allen, who would go on to be a founding member of Real Social Dynamics with Tyler Durden and Papa, all of whom play major roles in Neil Strauss's "The Game," the bestselling expose of the world of pickup artists. In an arena founded on one-upmanship, Jeff Allen did it bigger and better than anyone. "Get Laid or Die Trying" presents in utterly shameless, hilarious, and graphic detail, Jeffy's gritty, 100 percent real, and jaw-droppingly astonishing feats of seduction, revealing exactly how one goes
- Attracting the girl you want by sleeping with all of her friends
- Getting into the pants of the hottest girl at the party--a total stranger--in less than thirty minutes
- Deflecting last-minute resistance with a single word
- Pulling a chick who is surrounded by ten jealous guys
- Cutting out enormous dudes that could easily pound you to a "fine red mist"
- Getting threesomes as your default extraction
- Having a stable so big you have to trim it down, and other "quality problems"
- Convincing a girl you just met that before you fuck her, she must mow your lawn
Jeff's tactics produce superhuman results, yet he doesn't do anything you couldn't do--now that you've seen it done. The worst part? You could have been doing this your whole life.
397 pages
First published January 1, 2009
26 people are currently reading
232 people want to read
About the author
Jeff Allen
3 books4 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
October 2, 2011
The author spins a good yarn. In the first few pages, we discover he’s an abusive, obnoxious, belligerent individual who gets more belligerent when drunk or high. In the next 100 pages, he turns into a highly arrogant and manipulative individual, while demonstrating that he drinks too much and does a lot of drugs, both of which exacerbate his pattern of abusive and obnoxious behavior. Perhaps he changes in the second half, but after ~150 pages of this, I couldn’t continue: the only changes were that instead of being a loser who couldn’t ‘pick up chicks’, he became an even bigger loser who could.
February 7, 2012
OMG, what a waste of time, money, paper, ink and for sure a lot of other things too.
I won this book and I wanted it because I really liked the title and considering the title I thought it could be very funny. I had no idea how wrong I was. This is really one of the worst books I ever read. If you are looking for entertainment put some dishwasher in the bathtub and make some bubbles. Don't read this book and I am saying this because I can't think of anyone who would waste their time reading about a frustrated guy whose only goal in life is to put his dick in a girl. Ok, some of you might think that could be an entertaining story and I agree but in this case it is an unbelievable obnoxious, frustrated moron who is ranting about sex and not having sex and girls the whole book through. No wait! To be honest I couldn't stand more than the first few chapters and spared myself the rest of the litany of failure and frustration.
Even the time I took to write this is wasted but I hope I can prevent everyone who thought about buying or even reading this from a horrible disappointment.
I won this book and I wanted it because I really liked the title and considering the title I thought it could be very funny. I had no idea how wrong I was. This is really one of the worst books I ever read. If you are looking for entertainment put some dishwasher in the bathtub and make some bubbles. Don't read this book and I am saying this because I can't think of anyone who would waste their time reading about a frustrated guy whose only goal in life is to put his dick in a girl. Ok, some of you might think that could be an entertaining story and I agree but in this case it is an unbelievable obnoxious, frustrated moron who is ranting about sex and not having sex and girls the whole book through. No wait! To be honest I couldn't stand more than the first few chapters and spared myself the rest of the litany of failure and frustration.
Even the time I took to write this is wasted but I hope I can prevent everyone who thought about buying or even reading this from a horrible disappointment.
September 13, 2019
I just have to give this book 4 star. Truly raw shit, this book shows how he transformed his life 180 degree through consistent hard work and sheer belief. I just finished this book, now I feel like I know different Jeffy. Reading this book in 2019 feels like I read the history of game in a different way. You just get a jest of how game is done and executed but for sure this book contains good infield reports which is very interesting and entertaining. I must say this book is a little bit biased toward Real Social Dynamics, no worries. I wonder if Jeffy met Mystery and style. May be he had met them but didn't mention them may be because of RSD. He only talks about meeting RSD people but If he would have included other people also which he have met during the process who were not from RSD it would be good and more true.
June 9, 2013
what a waste of money! sold via RSD's online website for an extortionate amount of cash, i was hoping and expecting something inspiring like Neil Strauss' 'The Game'... but what i got was a Jeff Allen's misogynistic journey from horrible scumbag to laid horrible scumbag.. didnt inspire me at all, in fact revolted me and put me off RSD and nightgame in general.
Currently Reading
September 21, 2009good book
March 11, 2017
Enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. Got it for free after attending a freetour by him and then a hotseat. The book was great, I'd recommend it to anyone really...
February 18, 2020
This book is strange. At first it works as a very dark biography, then later becomes instructional and like a blog about getting laid. I would recommend it if the description interests you.
For anyone who has read it, the author made a video that serves as a epilogue to the book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abvyo...
For anyone who has read it, the author made a video that serves as a epilogue to the book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abvyo...
July 22, 2018
Epic
Hilarious! I highly recommend! This book shows how Jeff has grown as a person. You get a real sense of how game has changed his life. I'm honored to have read this book and it was everything I hoped it would be and much more.
Hilarious! I highly recommend! This book shows how Jeff has grown as a person. You get a real sense of how game has changed his life. I'm honored to have read this book and it was everything I hoped it would be and much more.
September 29, 2018
This book is incredibly engaging. Sometimes I'd read 10% per day. It's also hilarious. Totally recommend
December 1, 2018
Decent
A short bio on the life of Jeffy Allen. Was an emotional rollercoaster of a ride. If you can best through it till the end, you'll enjoy it.
A short bio on the life of Jeffy Allen. Was an emotional rollercoaster of a ride. If you can best through it till the end, you'll enjoy it.
October 6, 2022
8.5/10.
October 14, 2013
Not bad at all,it's basically an autobiography of Jeffy Allen a deeply emotionally frustrated kid which tried to run away from his emotions by turning into Jlaix a douche bag pickup artist who has no identity other than fucking girls and swimming in drama so as to become emotionless and never have to go through pain again, this keeps going forever and it's utterly frustrating cause he basically talks about every girl he fucked in detail which I wasn't really interested even taugh I wanted to learn his methods.Eventually he realizes that he had been living in this delusion
"I can get a stranger to fuck in under an hour. That means I must be a good person.
In reality, it means NOTHING. It means that you know how to play the game, that's IT."
and without any judgment sees what he went through and realizes that it's no one's fault other than himself and take control of his life.You can even call it spiritual awakening to some extent i think
-"No more. It's time to let be what is. To stop running from the past,
and tum to face it. To acknowledge what happened, and accept it."
-"I forgive him. I forgive my mother. I forgive every girl who
smashed my shit, hated on me, or stole from me. I forgive every asshole
who ever tooled me, every internet troll who ever antagonized me.
I forgive MYSELF"
"I can get a stranger to fuck in under an hour. That means I must be a good person.
In reality, it means NOTHING. It means that you know how to play the game, that's IT."
and without any judgment sees what he went through and realizes that it's no one's fault other than himself and take control of his life.You can even call it spiritual awakening to some extent i think
-"No more. It's time to let be what is. To stop running from the past,
and tum to face it. To acknowledge what happened, and accept it."
-"I forgive him. I forgive my mother. I forgive every girl who
smashed my shit, hated on me, or stole from me. I forgive every asshole
who ever tooled me, every internet troll who ever antagonized me.
I forgive MYSELF"
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 12, 2016
I suppose this book isn't for everybody, but I personally enjoyed it. I'm actually reading it for a second time now and Allen writes with a crude poise and humor comparable to a Bret Easton Ellis novel.
I can see how you can take this book at face value and say "This is a book about some douche bag who has nothing better to do than bang chicks," but you sort of need to pull back and actually finish the book before you can make such grandiose assumptions.
When we meet Jeff, he's at his lowest point in life, emotionally damaged, psychologically manic and homeless. Throughout the book, he see him take on a transformation that is so far from where he was that it's hard not to applaud the guy (it's also an incredibly funny story).
I think this book gets a lot of hate because it's too far out there for most guys. This whole "player" journey that Allen goes down is something most people don't understand and that scares and infuriates them. I think it's easy to criticize somebody's book, but at the end of the day this is a HIS story and I found it entertaining.
I can see how you can take this book at face value and say "This is a book about some douche bag who has nothing better to do than bang chicks," but you sort of need to pull back and actually finish the book before you can make such grandiose assumptions.
When we meet Jeff, he's at his lowest point in life, emotionally damaged, psychologically manic and homeless. Throughout the book, he see him take on a transformation that is so far from where he was that it's hard not to applaud the guy (it's also an incredibly funny story).
I think this book gets a lot of hate because it's too far out there for most guys. This whole "player" journey that Allen goes down is something most people don't understand and that scares and infuriates them. I think it's easy to criticize somebody's book, but at the end of the day this is a HIS story and I found it entertaining.
August 11, 2016
Funny, entertaining, and real
What started out as some mental madthrbation with a little bit of advice on pickup sprinkled in turned into a real examination of happiness, fulfillment, and what it means to be an American. Patriotic, with vulgarity occurring on Brobdingnagian proportions. An examination of the American dream and what it means to be a white, cis-gendered, male in today's increasingly tolerant world. It was a travel through time from nowhere to everywhere, with somewhere inbetween.
It changed my life—for the better or for the worse I may not ever know— but it changed it nonetheless. As it is and goes forever and always.
What started out as some mental madthrbation with a little bit of advice on pickup sprinkled in turned into a real examination of happiness, fulfillment, and what it means to be an American. Patriotic, with vulgarity occurring on Brobdingnagian proportions. An examination of the American dream and what it means to be a white, cis-gendered, male in today's increasingly tolerant world. It was a travel through time from nowhere to everywhere, with somewhere inbetween.
It changed my life—for the better or for the worse I may not ever know— but it changed it nonetheless. As it is and goes forever and always.
October 22, 2012
Repulsively entertaining, Jeff's own precautionary tale to would-be angst driven frustrated chaps delivers organic drama and comedy. Plateau'd at most parts, the sheer combination of obnoxious writing, the stunts he pulls off and the redemption is enough to keep you guessing.
Like Jack Ass on midget porn, this is not for the masses.
Like Jack Ass on midget porn, this is not for the masses.
January 10, 2010
First 50 pages are awesome, then comes lots of boring field reports. But when i got to chapter 8, I was happy again i am reading the book. I guess it's the most emotional part, and really reveals how's jeffy got to the point where he is now.
March 2, 2014
This book reads like a frat party on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra for the first 150 pages, then becomes a coming-of-age story. Please read it to the end, as it really turns into a completely different, amazing book by the end.
July 10, 2011
Better than "The Game", but not as funny as "I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell." It was an entertaining read and I really liked the author's introspection at the end of the book.
November 30, 2011
This guy is a good writer, but other than sticking the toe into the water of his inner emotional journey at the beginning and end of the book, most of it reads like his personal blog.
November 29, 2014
Great stories, really enjoyed reading it and also the transformation he goes through is awesome to read about.
Jeffy is an inspiration!
Jeffy is an inspiration!
December 13, 2012
It was mediocre at best. It looks like a middle schooler wrote it. It was just really bad.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews