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Sleeping Arrangements
From the acclaimed novelist, playwright, and journalist Laura Cunningham, a coming of age story and enchanting memoir of childhood
"Here is Lily Moore at 10, as judged by her fifth grade 'Unsatisfactory...Hair matted, uncombed, disheveled appearance. Soil under nails.' She has in addition been AWOL from school for 37 full and 38 half days...She lives in a bizarre apartment whose living room furnishings consist of a gold lame castro convertible and two pink bath mats--her choice. She shares the habitation with a senile old woman and two bachelors, one of whom habitually cooks popcorn for breakfast wearing a pith helmet...All indications to the contrary notwithstanding. Lily is living a blessed life, as depicted in Laura Cunningham's unromantic, spare, funny, enchanting memoir." -- The Washington Post "A wonderfully vivid chronicle of a young girl's coming of age...funny and sad, irreverent and generous...A model memoir." -- Michiko Kakutani, New York Times "Sharp-witted and funny but never mean. A lovely novelistic memoir." -- Julie Salamon, The Wall Street Journal "Original, quirky, poignant, and hilarious." -- Los Angeles Times "A winner...life-affirming." -- San Francisco Chronicle
"Here is Lily Moore at 10, as judged by her fifth grade 'Unsatisfactory...Hair matted, uncombed, disheveled appearance. Soil under nails.' She has in addition been AWOL from school for 37 full and 38 half days...She lives in a bizarre apartment whose living room furnishings consist of a gold lame castro convertible and two pink bath mats--her choice. She shares the habitation with a senile old woman and two bachelors, one of whom habitually cooks popcorn for breakfast wearing a pith helmet...All indications to the contrary notwithstanding. Lily is living a blessed life, as depicted in Laura Cunningham's unromantic, spare, funny, enchanting memoir." -- The Washington Post "A wonderfully vivid chronicle of a young girl's coming of age...funny and sad, irreverent and generous...A model memoir." -- Michiko Kakutani, New York Times "Sharp-witted and funny but never mean. A lovely novelistic memoir." -- Julie Salamon, The Wall Street Journal "Original, quirky, poignant, and hilarious." -- Los Angeles Times "A winner...life-affirming." -- San Francisco Chronicle
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1989
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 115 reviews
May 27, 2018
This book was so amazing - when I finished, I had to double-check and make sure it was a memoir and it was. It's an incredible story that drew me in with the first page and held me to the last. I have checked and found the author has written a few more books, and I plan to see if any of them continue this incredible story.
Laura is a little girl who is orphaned at age 8 when her mother passes away. Poor and living in less than ideal conditions in a run down neighborhood, two of her uncles step up and make the move in to take care of her. Uncle Len is an unusal man, prone to going on "secret missions". Uncle Gabe also has some unusual habits including belting out Jewish religious songs that he writes at the drop of a hat. He also has a habit of proposing to any and every woman he fancies. Uncle Len is the "cook", although he doesn't really understand what foods go with which meal of the day, so many mornings breakfast can be anything from popcorn to a meat and potatoes dish.
Added to the mix is an elderly grandmother known as "Etka from Minsk", whose mind is less than sharp. She shares a bedroom with Laura, who grows up missing her mother so very much. Etka considers herself an extremely beautiful and intelligent woman, and goes on and on about how wonderful she is. As if that's not enough for one household, they bring in a puppy to add to the chaos.
She does not know who her father is - only that her mother and uncles spoke of him as "Larry". She begs for information about him, but little is known, so she makes up her own stories.
Laura befriends two unusual girls who live near her in another building. They aren't the best children to be friends with, but Laura has no other friends. People whisper about the oddity of her being raised by her uncles, and, at one point, the school pays a visit to check out the living arrangements.
This book was a wonderful read, start to finish. Although her upbringing was unusual, she always knew she was deeply loved.
Laura is a little girl who is orphaned at age 8 when her mother passes away. Poor and living in less than ideal conditions in a run down neighborhood, two of her uncles step up and make the move in to take care of her. Uncle Len is an unusal man, prone to going on "secret missions". Uncle Gabe also has some unusual habits including belting out Jewish religious songs that he writes at the drop of a hat. He also has a habit of proposing to any and every woman he fancies. Uncle Len is the "cook", although he doesn't really understand what foods go with which meal of the day, so many mornings breakfast can be anything from popcorn to a meat and potatoes dish.
Added to the mix is an elderly grandmother known as "Etka from Minsk", whose mind is less than sharp. She shares a bedroom with Laura, who grows up missing her mother so very much. Etka considers herself an extremely beautiful and intelligent woman, and goes on and on about how wonderful she is. As if that's not enough for one household, they bring in a puppy to add to the chaos.
She does not know who her father is - only that her mother and uncles spoke of him as "Larry". She begs for information about him, but little is known, so she makes up her own stories.
Laura befriends two unusual girls who live near her in another building. They aren't the best children to be friends with, but Laura has no other friends. People whisper about the oddity of her being raised by her uncles, and, at one point, the school pays a visit to check out the living arrangements.
This book was a wonderful read, start to finish. Although her upbringing was unusual, she always knew she was deeply loved.
January 1, 2008
This wonderful little gem is Cunningham's autobiography about an unusual upbringing in the Bronx. As a child, she and her mother moved to an apartment at AnaMor Towers in the Bronx. She runs wild with another child in the neighborhood and becomes rather unrestrained herself. Sadly, her mother passes away, and her two bachelor uncles arrive on the scene, with their own idiosyncracies. They move their mother in and thus begins Laura's new life as an orphan.
If you loved the movie "Unstrung Heroes" or even just liked it, you will definitely enjoy this book. This was another of those "force myself to slow down and savor it" type of things. I loved it. There were parts when Laura is running around with her friend Diana that were profoundly disturbing, dont' get me wrong. But when her uncles arrive on the scene, it's so much fun. She's depressed and angry about school and hates her teacher, so her uncle packs her up and they travel to Cuba. Returning home, he asks, "Doesn't this put it all in perspective?" as they reflect on the beggars and others they've met on their journey. This is a must read. I absolutely loved it.
If you loved the movie "Unstrung Heroes" or even just liked it, you will definitely enjoy this book. This was another of those "force myself to slow down and savor it" type of things. I loved it. There were parts when Laura is running around with her friend Diana that were profoundly disturbing, dont' get me wrong. But when her uncles arrive on the scene, it's so much fun. She's depressed and angry about school and hates her teacher, so her uncle packs her up and they travel to Cuba. Returning home, he asks, "Doesn't this put it all in perspective?" as they reflect on the beggars and others they've met on their journey. This is a must read. I absolutely loved it.
November 2, 2008
One of my favorite books of all time. Wildly funny, deeply touching, and an absolute example of how a family that might look pretty odd and possibly dangerous from the outside can be warm, loving, and supportive within.
July 19, 2021
I picked this one up pretty much by accident, but I'm so happy I did.
The title was the first hurdle. In hindsight, it's perfect, but at first it seemed to me to hide an erotic mystery between the adults involved. How wrong - the sleeping here always refers to sleep.
At first, Laura and her mother sleep where they can, in the homes of their friends, sometimes under tables, never staying for too long in one place. Then, they find a place of their own to sleep in. And as the story progresses, the sleeping place is more of a home and a comfort than anything else.
Laura's mother died when she was eight, and she came to be raised by her uncles, two old bachelors, who both decided to move in so she can have the rest of the life that she's accustomed to. Then her grandmother joins them as well.
The family is delightfully eccentric, respectful of privacy and of each other, and filled with love, against an outside world that's not hostile, but often carelessly cruel.
It's hard to explain how charming "Sleeping Arrangements" is, from the uncles who treat Laura's wishes as seriously as if she were an adult, and who make sacrifices for her but never mention them, to the jokes, to the grandmother who's gone a bit batty in her old age and will gift Laura things only to steal them back in the middle of the night, to a secretive uncle who's always going off on "secret missions" to foreign countries (once taking Laura to Fidel Castro's Cuba, which she says nobody believes happened; and, to be fair, it's quite a thing to believe).
While it's quirky, lovely, and occasionally heartbreaking, it's also uncomfortable in its discussion of the childhood perception of sexuality, and the many beliefs, games and explorations of a sexual nature that are scattered across Laura's early years. While in no way titillating, they're a constant reminder that those who don't have information thrive on myths, and that predators lurk in the corners waiting to take advantage.
But all in all, the general mood is rather one of love, eccentricity, longing and wonder, not a negative one, making this one of the best random choices I've read in a while.
The title was the first hurdle. In hindsight, it's perfect, but at first it seemed to me to hide an erotic mystery between the adults involved. How wrong - the sleeping here always refers to sleep.
At first, Laura and her mother sleep where they can, in the homes of their friends, sometimes under tables, never staying for too long in one place. Then, they find a place of their own to sleep in. And as the story progresses, the sleeping place is more of a home and a comfort than anything else.
Laura's mother died when she was eight, and she came to be raised by her uncles, two old bachelors, who both decided to move in so she can have the rest of the life that she's accustomed to. Then her grandmother joins them as well.
The family is delightfully eccentric, respectful of privacy and of each other, and filled with love, against an outside world that's not hostile, but often carelessly cruel.
It's hard to explain how charming "Sleeping Arrangements" is, from the uncles who treat Laura's wishes as seriously as if she were an adult, and who make sacrifices for her but never mention them, to the jokes, to the grandmother who's gone a bit batty in her old age and will gift Laura things only to steal them back in the middle of the night, to a secretive uncle who's always going off on "secret missions" to foreign countries (once taking Laura to Fidel Castro's Cuba, which she says nobody believes happened; and, to be fair, it's quite a thing to believe).
While it's quirky, lovely, and occasionally heartbreaking, it's also uncomfortable in its discussion of the childhood perception of sexuality, and the many beliefs, games and explorations of a sexual nature that are scattered across Laura's early years. While in no way titillating, they're a constant reminder that those who don't have information thrive on myths, and that predators lurk in the corners waiting to take advantage.
But all in all, the general mood is rather one of love, eccentricity, longing and wonder, not a negative one, making this one of the best random choices I've read in a while.
December 16, 2020
Her father was lost in the war, or so her mother always said, so when her mother died Cunningham found herself an orphan at the age of eight. Although on paper they were “the least likely candidates to become my guardians,” the job indeed fell to her bachelor uncles, Gabe and Len (a librarian and a private investigator, respectively), who came to join her in the Bronx apartment and formed “a household where eccentricity is the norm.” Later their mother, “Etka from Minsk,” comes to live with them: sharing the Girls’ Room with Laura, stealing her stuff, and working endlessly on her philosophical memoirs. Dementia comes for her, but only in amusing ways. These bizarre eight years make for a pleasant childhood memoir, though not one I necessarily expect to remember. I was reminded of When I Lived in Modern Times by Linda Grant and Stuffed by Patricia Volk.
A passage I appreciated, from when Laura is editing Etka’s book (I’ve thought the same to myself when reviewing self-published memoirs where the author quotes themself!) “I don’t think you can have your own quotations. I think ‘quotations’ mean other people said that.”
A passage I appreciated, from when Laura is editing Etka’s book (I’ve thought the same to myself when reviewing self-published memoirs where the author quotes themself!) “I don’t think you can have your own quotations. I think ‘quotations’ mean other people said that.”
October 30, 2009
This was a simply wonderful read. I suppose growing up in Brooklyn in the 1940's-1950's and attending public schools that were overwhelmingly Jewish has something to do with it. We too were a dysfunctional family, though removed from the socio-economic milieu of the author. But the idea of a whacky household has always appealed to me, and my favorite childhood play (seen on early TV) was what my mother, sister and I referred to as "The Crazy Family"--otherwise known as "You Can't Take It With You"! Laura's/Lily's uncles were just dear and endearing guardians and as her nutty maternal grandmother would say, "She knew how to pick!" Read this book, read this book, read this book, read.....
July 4, 2015
Dedication: To my Uncles,
And in memory of my mother
Opening: I began my life waiting for him. When the other children asked, "Where is your father?" I had my mother's answer: "He's fighting in the war."
That was a fun departure from my usual fayre. Enjoyable, and at times worrying!
Thanks Overbylass.
And in memory of my mother
I wish to thank Victoria Wilson,
Daniel Menaker, Owen Laster, and Daniel Strone
for their help and enthusiasm.
Opening: I began my life waiting for him. When the other children asked, "Where is your father?" I had my mother's answer: "He's fighting in the war."
That was a fun departure from my usual fayre. Enjoyable, and at times worrying! Thanks Overbylass.
July 8, 2019
The gr book description is so long I don’t need to add anything to it.
I found the hard-edged New York tone awkward, though clearly it comes naturally to Cunningham and would be much more familiar to American readers than to me.
I found the hard-edged New York tone awkward, though clearly it comes naturally to Cunningham and would be much more familiar to American readers than to me.
July 1, 2012
A tender, hilarious and completely readable memoir. Sleeping Arrangements is as much the story of a young girl coming of age in the 50s and 60s as it is a portrait of New York at the same time. At age eight, Lily is orphaned and her two bachelor uncles begin to raise her and take care of their senile mother in a cramped apartment in the Bronx. What begins as a tragedy for Lily ends up a sometimes sad but more often hysterical story of how she learns to negotiate life, love, sex, school, religion and just about everything else, all against the backdrop of the city.
My favorite part of the book is her description of overnight camp. Almost immediately following her mother’s death, and most likely because the family is not sure what to do with her, Lily is sent to Camp Ava where kids examine each other’s vomit to discern which mess hall mystery meal could have made them sick and bully each other in ways vicious and inventive. All Lily wants is to be in a bunk with her best friend, Susan. The battle of wills between Lily and the counselors is funny and painful to witness. We see a young girl lash out in the wake of her mother’s death, but the author’s distance from the events allows her to inject honesty and humor.
Ultimately, Sleeping Arrangements is a thank you to Lily’s uncles Gabe and Len who sacrifice their own lives as young single men to raise Lily in an atmosphere of creativity, freedom and love. The author best explains their lives in the last pages of the book:
While our junior four rang with song and laughter, and became the stage for our amateur theatricals, it would be an unfair simplification to say that we had “a happy home.” Our home was formed in the aftermath of tragedy. We knew we would not live forever, and if that helped us savor every second, our memory of the past also tied us to it. We chose to live with a degree of pain, to preserve memory....We still weep for a woman who died over thirty years ago....We don’t want to be entirely healed; our grief, now subdued and under control, keeps my mother within our family.
Laura Cunningham tells her story with the benefit of hindsight and it is a story she did not tell too soon. She recognizes what she lost and what she gained and the power that came from both. I would recommend this to anyone thinking of writing a memoir, especially about childhood.
My favorite part of the book is her description of overnight camp. Almost immediately following her mother’s death, and most likely because the family is not sure what to do with her, Lily is sent to Camp Ava where kids examine each other’s vomit to discern which mess hall mystery meal could have made them sick and bully each other in ways vicious and inventive. All Lily wants is to be in a bunk with her best friend, Susan. The battle of wills between Lily and the counselors is funny and painful to witness. We see a young girl lash out in the wake of her mother’s death, but the author’s distance from the events allows her to inject honesty and humor.
Ultimately, Sleeping Arrangements is a thank you to Lily’s uncles Gabe and Len who sacrifice their own lives as young single men to raise Lily in an atmosphere of creativity, freedom and love. The author best explains their lives in the last pages of the book:
While our junior four rang with song and laughter, and became the stage for our amateur theatricals, it would be an unfair simplification to say that we had “a happy home.” Our home was formed in the aftermath of tragedy. We knew we would not live forever, and if that helped us savor every second, our memory of the past also tied us to it. We chose to live with a degree of pain, to preserve memory....We still weep for a woman who died over thirty years ago....We don’t want to be entirely healed; our grief, now subdued and under control, keeps my mother within our family.
Laura Cunningham tells her story with the benefit of hindsight and it is a story she did not tell too soon. She recognizes what she lost and what she gained and the power that came from both. I would recommend this to anyone thinking of writing a memoir, especially about childhood.
November 29, 2014
(I usually read much older memoirs, so this was a departure for me.) With her sparkling imagination and charm, Cunningham shows the magic of a childhood that might otherwise seem bleak and painful. There were uncomfortable bits, yes, but things happen to children for which they have no frame of reference, it's no use to pretend otherwise. At the heart of this memoir is the author's loss of her parents and the commitment of her Uncles to give her a sense of family and stability in spite of that. The last paragraph of the book sums it up nicely.
"What I may have missed by not having the usual set of parents I can never know. Certainly I have gained great love and benefited from being raised not merely by men but by those two special men. As a bonus, I may have been given an appreciation of the uniqueness inherent in all human connections. What else I may have gained - or escaped - I'm still discovering."
(I don't think there are enough books showing the nurturing side of men, this is a happy exception.)
"What I may have missed by not having the usual set of parents I can never know. Certainly I have gained great love and benefited from being raised not merely by men but by those two special men. As a bonus, I may have been given an appreciation of the uniqueness inherent in all human connections. What else I may have gained - or escaped - I'm still discovering."
(I don't think there are enough books showing the nurturing side of men, this is a happy exception.)
March 9, 2015
This book is a page turner; it’s a memoir that reads like a fast moving novel. Most of us will never know what it’s like to be orphaned by the harsh realities of life, but Laura Cunningham paints a Daliesque portrait of just how crazy that life can be. This is a first class memoir and I find the fact that some folks posted negative reviews astounding! The cast of characters in this girl’s life is colorful, to say the least, and the author is unflinching in her revelations of all the idiosyncratic details of their lives. And in the midst of chaos and loss two angels come to her rescue in the form of two very eccentric uncles. Kudos to you Laura Cunningham for a job well done.
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March 17, 2014
This was a laugh out loud, shake your head, can't believe they did that sort of story. And who knew it was a memoir. Well, you would if you read the back which I hadn't.
Sleeping Arrangements is about a young Jewish girl, Lily, and her mother who descend upon relatives for periods of time and then move on. When Lily's mother dies and her two uncles come to live with her, Lily's life takes on a more "normal" approach to life. Building a home and structure needed for a young girl to survive the ever changes happening around her. But what is normal?
I enjoyed the style of writing and the whole pell mell chaos to her life.
Sleeping Arrangements is about a young Jewish girl, Lily, and her mother who descend upon relatives for periods of time and then move on. When Lily's mother dies and her two uncles come to live with her, Lily's life takes on a more "normal" approach to life. Building a home and structure needed for a young girl to survive the ever changes happening around her. But what is normal?
I enjoyed the style of writing and the whole pell mell chaos to her life.
June 8, 2012
"Sleeping Arrangements" is a rich, warm, funny and loving story of growing up in exceptional circumstances. I loved it. I loved being so very included in the telling. That's the gift the author offers in this novel;she brings you in close to her, and she does this by confiding her most intimate thoughts and experiences.
The story is told in chronological order and that sits quite nicely within the lilting humour.
It rings very true to life.
A top read, beautiful, magic, tragic and quirky.
The story is told in chronological order and that sits quite nicely within the lilting humour.
It rings very true to life.
A top read, beautiful, magic, tragic and quirky.
June 25, 2011
Memoir of a girl growing up in the care of her very loving and eccentric famil. I originally thought this was a work of fiction, everyone is so off beat. Loved it.
July 29, 2009
I just connected to her and her story.
October 29, 2011
Loved this book to bits. Unusual story but no less enjoyable. One of my favourite of all time.
Anyone who is a fan of coming of age stories in New York this will appeal to you.
Anyone who is a fan of coming of age stories in New York this will appeal to you.
June 17, 2013
Did I love this book? Excessively, but rather than gush I will quote Lily as she describes her thoughts during the dreaded Home Visit from social services, in particular her response to their inquiry as to whether she was happy in her unusual home/family and received enough affection there:
"How can I tell her about my life here? How do you describe love that need not be spoken of? Can someone tell Miss Riordan how high feelings run here? .....
"No. Excess love may be regarded as worse than no love.
I button my lip and nod: Yes."
"How can I tell her about my life here? How do you describe love that need not be spoken of? Can someone tell Miss Riordan how high feelings run here? .....
"No. Excess love may be regarded as worse than no love.
I button my lip and nod: Yes."
April 2, 2013
A favorite memoir. Stunning, sweet, funny (sometimes laugh-out-loud funny) It's amazing this tough little girl survived.
Another reviewer, GraceAnne, said this. I agree....
"One of my favorite books of all time. Wildly funny, deeply touching, and an absolute example of how a family that might look pretty odd and possibly dangerous from the outside can be warm, loving, and supportive within. "
Another reviewer, GraceAnne, said this. I agree....
"One of my favorite books of all time. Wildly funny, deeply touching, and an absolute example of how a family that might look pretty odd and possibly dangerous from the outside can be warm, loving, and supportive within. "
January 26, 2016
I absolutely loved this little gem of a book. This is the author's memoir about her unorthodox but loving upbringing. You walk away from this realizing that loving families come in many different shapes and forms. Highly recommend.
March 8, 2018
An interesting book about a Jewish girl being brought up by two uncles in 50s New York. A look at what is a family? The answer love and care for each other, and not always a mother and father,but what works to give stability and happiness for that family.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 6, 2011
A wonderful look at the world through the eyes of a child from an unconventional, but loving family. Laura Cunningham will break your heart and inspire you to daydream again.
April 6, 2011
Slow to start out, only because the main character is not so sympathetic at first...but becomes so pretty quickly. Sometimes shocking, sometimes gripping but always fun to read and well written.
November 30, 2012
I loved this book! It's a classic that nobody knows about...really well written and an engaging and interesting story. Keeps you on your toes!
March 29, 2015
Beautifully written testament to the family: a group of people in one home with a common love and motivations! I laughed and cried, I cheered for the uncles! Bamboozled by a ten year old little girl!
May 10, 2018
A delightful, well-written story, alternately poignant and laugh-out-loud funny.
August 12, 2011
Quirky and delightful, but not cloying or sentimental. There is so much love and celebration of eccentricity that I forgive some of the less plausible aspects (most of which would be eliminated if Lily were just a few years older than claimed).
Lily has an intense and loving relationship with her mother, despite being raised on secrets and collusion (mainly concerning her father, who has allegedly been away fighting the war all Lily's life until 1950 and beyond). Secrets continue throughout. Much later, Lily says "There is much precedent in the family for pretending that the dead have not died but are living in other cities".
They live in a poor Jewish area of the Bronx: "This Gothic housing complex, modelled emotionally as well as architecturally upon feudal times managed to capture the hopelessness of the era that inspired it" in an "apartment, dense in its atmosphere of solitude".
At the age of only 5, Lily takes on all the cooking and when she tells her mother about a graphic sexual encounter in the "psychotic shadows" of the park, the mother mentions it to the police but is completely blasé about any effects it may have on her young daughter.
When Lily is 8, her mother dies and her her two bachelor uncles sacrifice much of their own lives to move in to care for her.
"We establish a household where eccentricity is the norm". Uncle Gabe is an observant Jew who sings gospel, while Uncle Len has some odd ideas, despite being highly educated. For example, "'A pillow case is a lot like a duffel bag' Len said, the first of his equations that turn out not to work in my social life". But Lily isn't bogged down by such embarrassments.
"Without the possibility of assigning roles by gender, my uncles play mother and father, interchangeably... while they are learning how to raise a little girl... that little girl is learning how to manage two unmarried men in their mid-years, In the process, three disparate individuals... become a family." Domestic zeal coupled with ignorance results in some amusing disasters, coupled with the fact the uncles give young Lily a completely free rein with decorating and menu planning.
Later, their mother/Lily's grandmother moves in too, though she is madder and in a less benign way, stealing Lily's clothes and jewelery and living in a complete fantasy world. Instead of being displaced in her parents' affection by a baby, Lily is partially displaced in her uncles' attention by a batty old woman, though she is very understanding. "If tragedy has brought us together, it's comedy that keeps us close". The episode where her uncles try to teach her the facts of life is funny and sweet: they are embarrassed but pragmatic - and ultimately not very helpful. But Lily is bright and streetwise, so it doesn't matter too much.
Lily loves and is loved, but otherwise runs pretty wild, though the school authorities appear not to notice or care. Somehow she ends up with some education, some of which she applies retrospectively (pre-teen references to "Crime and Punishment" and 8 year-old familiarity with Shakespeare's sonnets spring to mind). She is conscious of her family's difference, and it even extends to their dog, which "looks out of kilter. She runs sideways, her rear end angling to the left". But Lily has a strategy of sorts, "In self-defence, I develop an eye for the irregularities on other children's lives".
Looking back, even Lily's mother is indistinct, "Her blurriness is profound, as if, at that time, she was so unsure of herself, that she could not be clearly photographed" and Lily realises the importance of bereavement, "We don't want to be entirely healed; our grief, now subdued and under control, keeps my mother within our family", and family, however unconventional, is what this book is all about.
Lily has an intense and loving relationship with her mother, despite being raised on secrets and collusion (mainly concerning her father, who has allegedly been away fighting the war all Lily's life until 1950 and beyond). Secrets continue throughout. Much later, Lily says "There is much precedent in the family for pretending that the dead have not died but are living in other cities".
They live in a poor Jewish area of the Bronx: "This Gothic housing complex, modelled emotionally as well as architecturally upon feudal times managed to capture the hopelessness of the era that inspired it" in an "apartment, dense in its atmosphere of solitude".
At the age of only 5, Lily takes on all the cooking and when she tells her mother about a graphic sexual encounter in the "psychotic shadows" of the park, the mother mentions it to the police but is completely blasé about any effects it may have on her young daughter.
When Lily is 8, her mother dies and her her two bachelor uncles sacrifice much of their own lives to move in to care for her.
"We establish a household where eccentricity is the norm". Uncle Gabe is an observant Jew who sings gospel, while Uncle Len has some odd ideas, despite being highly educated. For example, "'A pillow case is a lot like a duffel bag' Len said, the first of his equations that turn out not to work in my social life". But Lily isn't bogged down by such embarrassments.
"Without the possibility of assigning roles by gender, my uncles play mother and father, interchangeably... while they are learning how to raise a little girl... that little girl is learning how to manage two unmarried men in their mid-years, In the process, three disparate individuals... become a family." Domestic zeal coupled with ignorance results in some amusing disasters, coupled with the fact the uncles give young Lily a completely free rein with decorating and menu planning.
Later, their mother/Lily's grandmother moves in too, though she is madder and in a less benign way, stealing Lily's clothes and jewelery and living in a complete fantasy world. Instead of being displaced in her parents' affection by a baby, Lily is partially displaced in her uncles' attention by a batty old woman, though she is very understanding. "If tragedy has brought us together, it's comedy that keeps us close". The episode where her uncles try to teach her the facts of life is funny and sweet: they are embarrassed but pragmatic - and ultimately not very helpful. But Lily is bright and streetwise, so it doesn't matter too much.
Lily loves and is loved, but otherwise runs pretty wild, though the school authorities appear not to notice or care. Somehow she ends up with some education, some of which she applies retrospectively (pre-teen references to "Crime and Punishment" and 8 year-old familiarity with Shakespeare's sonnets spring to mind). She is conscious of her family's difference, and it even extends to their dog, which "looks out of kilter. She runs sideways, her rear end angling to the left". But Lily has a strategy of sorts, "In self-defence, I develop an eye for the irregularities on other children's lives".
Looking back, even Lily's mother is indistinct, "Her blurriness is profound, as if, at that time, she was so unsure of herself, that she could not be clearly photographed" and Lily realises the importance of bereavement, "We don't want to be entirely healed; our grief, now subdued and under control, keeps my mother within our family", and family, however unconventional, is what this book is all about.
July 7, 2021
A sad and funny story that captures your interest about a resilient little girl who loses her mother at age 8 and is then raised by her somewhat eccentric uncles. Then along comes her Grandmother to round out their unusual family. The life that is given this little girl her first eight years by her mother (her father is absent - the “story” is that he dies in the war) and then by two bachelor uncles is heartwarming. I enjoyed the read very much.
February 22, 2018
fantastic read!
Beautifully written, couldn’t put this down! Eloquent and poetic, this is an unconventional Family with a love that transcended all boundaries, definitely worth a read!
Beautifully written, couldn’t put this down! Eloquent and poetic, this is an unconventional Family with a love that transcended all boundaries, definitely worth a read!
July 27, 2022
I loved this memoir! Losing her mother was obviously tragic, but how lucky the author was to have two creative, protective, attentive and downright fun uncles to raise her. I loved their quirky living quarters and the way Uncle Len and Uncle Gabe delighted in her unique spirit.
July 2, 2009
heartwarming/ endearing/ humorous. great perspectives from childhood.
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