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Bareed Mista3jil: True Stories
Bareed Mista3jil is a collection of true short stories from voices in Lebanon that we seldom hear. Their common thread is that they are all from people of non-conforming sexualities and gender identities.
What sort of diversities exist in human sexuality? How do bisexuals 'come out'? What kinds of discrimination do lesbians face? How does it affect their self-esteem and their sense of community? What are their relationships with their families, friends, and each other like? How do people of different sexualities deal with religion and faith? Is it a struggle to identify as non-heterosexual? Or do people 'just know'? Are there gender identities other than 'man' and 'woman'? How has life for lesbians in Lebanon changed over the past 10 years? Is emigration their only choice?
This long-awaited publication comes to dispel the myths surrounding these questions and to reveal a glimpse into the lives of existing invisibly and silently in different Lebanese communities. The stories in this book are about love, pain, identity, suffering, overcoming, and the intricate complexities of the human heart.
And above all, these stories are about hope.
What sort of diversities exist in human sexuality? How do bisexuals 'come out'? What kinds of discrimination do lesbians face? How does it affect their self-esteem and their sense of community? What are their relationships with their families, friends, and each other like? How do people of different sexualities deal with religion and faith? Is it a struggle to identify as non-heterosexual? Or do people 'just know'? Are there gender identities other than 'man' and 'woman'? How has life for lesbians in Lebanon changed over the past 10 years? Is emigration their only choice?
This long-awaited publication comes to dispel the myths surrounding these questions and to reveal a glimpse into the lives of existing invisibly and silently in different Lebanese communities. The stories in this book are about love, pain, identity, suffering, overcoming, and the intricate complexities of the human heart.
And above all, these stories are about hope.
223 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
3 people are currently reading
549 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
July 31, 2012
I remember the moment I laid my hands on this book at its launching, I couldn't wait to get home and start going through the lives of women inside of it. I remember crying and smiling at the same time. I would not put it down until I was done with it. The beauty of it is the diversity and richness of experiences within. The book echoes a genuine taste of what it really is being an arab woman, Lebanese in particular, some of whom I had the pleasure of knowing.
Many books have been written about what it is being Queer or Transgender in the region, but none was able to reach out as strongly as this book, because it uses the charming power of storytelling, which I believe is the ultimate form of instruction.
Many books have been written about what it is being Queer or Transgender in the region, but none was able to reach out as strongly as this book, because it uses the charming power of storytelling, which I believe is the ultimate form of instruction.
September 26, 2016
This isn't so much a review as a quick PSA to everyone who sees this interested in social justice. This book is very important. It tells real-life stories of a couple of dozen lesbians, bisexual women, non-binary & transgender folk who were born and raised in Lebanon. So obviously, it is about people who come from a different environment than the typical Western setting, where, I think, a vast majority of the LGBT discourse comes from, but at the same time it shows how, in many cases these stories are relatable and I think it's safe to say that many of us Western Queers went through a lot of similiar situations and dealth with many of the same problems.
April 2, 2014
A must read !! Especially for those living in lebanon and the Middle East. Love this book in every possible way.
February 19, 2012
Very many resonating parts, very refreshing to read, with forty-one stories presenting a range of experiences by lesbians, bi women, queer + questioning women, and trans people all over Lebanon, though, yeah, no inclusion of trans women. . .Bareed Mista3jil, or "mail in a hurry"—I am glad to have pushed this up my priority reading list and sorry that I had a pre-impression of the book as written in a "market-memoir" sense—"moving" & "inspirational"—which the book is but it is an "anti-memoir" with both happy and sad endings, honest and humorous, conversational in tone, with some of the girls being in their twenties like me so I especially enjoyed reading about dial-up internet and chat rooms, lolol.
=========================
- coming to terms with how "ugly" the word "lesbian" sounds
- how queer women would generally begin their coming out to their parents with a declaration of "I don't want to get married" (so true!)
- "The common misconception in Lebanon is that lesbian relationships don't last. Here's the insider's guide to a stereotypical Lebanese lesbian relationship. Two women meet (probably online), fall in love within a week (if not faster), vow eternal love and devotion to each other (forever and ever), meet in person (probably at Dunkin Donuts) [#LOL], announce that they are girlfriends (7ayeti inti) ["You are my life."], tell all their friends (including lesbians on their MSN they have never met) [#LOL] that they are now in love, go dancing in Acid a month later (where one of them will throw a jealousy fit because the other looked at someone else), start fighting about everything (and nothing), break up (over the course of six months), and finally decide to become good friends (lesbian ex's never leave). Repeat as necessary."
- "Lesbanese" and the chat room called "Lesbanon"
- "Who was I to reject someone who wanted me? I wasn't worthy enough to say no. I should just accept it and be thankful for what I mistakenly thought was a brief moment of connection with another human being." (on giving her body to men in hope of exchange for love, p 218)
- "The popular chatting program at the time was called ICQ, which I immediately downloaded, created some romantically morbid nickname, and set out to find other lesbians. There was some method of searching through lists of people and I spent hours looking till I found someone with a nickname like “sexy lesbian 4u.” Oh my God! I thought, a sexy lesbian for me! I messaged her instantly and said: “hiiiiiiiii! I am a lesbian too!” She said hi back but with far less enthusiasm and then asked me if I wanted her to bite my ear. I wondered why she was saying that, but was so excited about meeting another fellow lesbian that I just started babbling on with details about my life, the suffering I’ve been through, the identity crisis, the broken heart, and other teenage lesbian drama. You have to remember, it was over 10 years ago, and I was very slow at typing. Then the sexy lesbian 4 me made a very indecent proposition that involved touching her private parts. I was shocked! Mortified! No! I said. I want us to talk and share our life stories!" (p 107)
- "Independence, to me, meant living alone. The problem with wanting to be independent here is that, as a woman, baddik trou7i min beit ahlik la beit jawzik ["You have to go from your parents' house to your husband's house"]. Tab iza ma fee beit jawzik ["So, if there is no husband's house"], what do you do? You stay at your family's house your entire life? In that case, you're not really allowed a life. And so I had made the decision that I did want to live, and I did want to leave my parents' house, but I wasn't able to do it for a very very very long time. It was only now, six months ago, at 29, that I was finally able to move out. . .When I was 25, [my mother] would still be asking me where I was going and what time I was coming back. I still freaked out about sleeping outside of the house. If I slept over at a friend's, I would wake up at 4am and go home." (p 137, yes)
- Really enjoyed "The Motorcycle Gender" story, "My Hijab and I", "Untitled"
- A straight homophobic, genderphobic Morrocan man asks why one narrator can't wear her hair down, wear dresses, be more feminine, etc: "I want to shake him, Why don't YOU wear your hair down? Why don't YOU wear dresses? Why don't YOU show your femininity?. . .But I know that wouldn't be interesting or successful. I tell him my secrets in the hope that one day he will come to terms with his own. My femininity is not for everyone, I say. Not for the public. I decide who sees it and who does not. My public butchness is a hijab for my private femininity." (p 183, I feel like that last sentence a little: secret pink items that I own)
- "My dyke friend B wears a hijab. I always tease her. Underneath her purple feminine hijabs and ladylike coats, she's a badass butch. Cut off t-shirts and short hair. Her public femininity is a hijab for her masculinity" (p 183)
- "The ex gay conference. Full of exexex gays. Or XXX gays?" & "My mother calls from the kitchen, Come eat. + No thanks, I reply. I'm ex hungry!
- I also liked the part when this girl meets another cute girl during a basketball match that never happened because there weren't enough players on the other school's team.
- and the part where someone reflects on how they'll never get to introduce their partner to family and friends with typical intros like, "This is my better half" <-- that phrase, she likes that one
=========================
- coming to terms with how "ugly" the word "lesbian" sounds
- how queer women would generally begin their coming out to their parents with a declaration of "I don't want to get married" (so true!)
- "The common misconception in Lebanon is that lesbian relationships don't last. Here's the insider's guide to a stereotypical Lebanese lesbian relationship. Two women meet (probably online), fall in love within a week (if not faster), vow eternal love and devotion to each other (forever and ever), meet in person (probably at Dunkin Donuts) [#LOL], announce that they are girlfriends (7ayeti inti) ["You are my life."], tell all their friends (including lesbians on their MSN they have never met) [#LOL] that they are now in love, go dancing in Acid a month later (where one of them will throw a jealousy fit because the other looked at someone else), start fighting about everything (and nothing), break up (over the course of six months), and finally decide to become good friends (lesbian ex's never leave). Repeat as necessary."
- "Lesbanese" and the chat room called "Lesbanon"
- "Who was I to reject someone who wanted me? I wasn't worthy enough to say no. I should just accept it and be thankful for what I mistakenly thought was a brief moment of connection with another human being." (on giving her body to men in hope of exchange for love, p 218)
- "The popular chatting program at the time was called ICQ, which I immediately downloaded, created some romantically morbid nickname, and set out to find other lesbians. There was some method of searching through lists of people and I spent hours looking till I found someone with a nickname like “sexy lesbian 4u.” Oh my God! I thought, a sexy lesbian for me! I messaged her instantly and said: “hiiiiiiiii! I am a lesbian too!” She said hi back but with far less enthusiasm and then asked me if I wanted her to bite my ear. I wondered why she was saying that, but was so excited about meeting another fellow lesbian that I just started babbling on with details about my life, the suffering I’ve been through, the identity crisis, the broken heart, and other teenage lesbian drama. You have to remember, it was over 10 years ago, and I was very slow at typing. Then the sexy lesbian 4 me made a very indecent proposition that involved touching her private parts. I was shocked! Mortified! No! I said. I want us to talk and share our life stories!" (p 107)
- "Independence, to me, meant living alone. The problem with wanting to be independent here is that, as a woman, baddik trou7i min beit ahlik la beit jawzik ["You have to go from your parents' house to your husband's house"]. Tab iza ma fee beit jawzik ["So, if there is no husband's house"], what do you do? You stay at your family's house your entire life? In that case, you're not really allowed a life. And so I had made the decision that I did want to live, and I did want to leave my parents' house, but I wasn't able to do it for a very very very long time. It was only now, six months ago, at 29, that I was finally able to move out. . .When I was 25, [my mother] would still be asking me where I was going and what time I was coming back. I still freaked out about sleeping outside of the house. If I slept over at a friend's, I would wake up at 4am and go home." (p 137, yes)
- Really enjoyed "The Motorcycle Gender" story, "My Hijab and I", "Untitled"
- A straight homophobic, genderphobic Morrocan man asks why one narrator can't wear her hair down, wear dresses, be more feminine, etc: "I want to shake him, Why don't YOU wear your hair down? Why don't YOU wear dresses? Why don't YOU show your femininity?. . .But I know that wouldn't be interesting or successful. I tell him my secrets in the hope that one day he will come to terms with his own. My femininity is not for everyone, I say. Not for the public. I decide who sees it and who does not. My public butchness is a hijab for my private femininity." (p 183, I feel like that last sentence a little: secret pink items that I own)
- "My dyke friend B wears a hijab. I always tease her. Underneath her purple feminine hijabs and ladylike coats, she's a badass butch. Cut off t-shirts and short hair. Her public femininity is a hijab for her masculinity" (p 183)
- "The ex gay conference. Full of exexex gays. Or XXX gays?" & "My mother calls from the kitchen, Come eat. + No thanks, I reply. I'm ex hungry!
- I also liked the part when this girl meets another cute girl during a basketball match that never happened because there weren't enough players on the other school's team.
- and the part where someone reflects on how they'll never get to introduce their partner to family and friends with typical intros like, "This is my better half" <-- that phrase, she likes that one
May 20, 2024
made me wanna kms (in a good way)
February 29, 2024
the heart missing from this arab is queer.
April 2, 2021
I highly highly HIGHLY recommend this book. If you have the chance to put your hands on it directly get it.
Some stories made me cry and feel angry, but this is the reality of queer women in Lebanon...
Some stories made me cry and feel angry, but this is the reality of queer women in Lebanon...
August 21, 2011
I borrowed this from a friend and for a period of time developed somewhat of an attachment to the book. Unfortunately I had to return it eventually but am still looking for a way to own this book. The stories from various Lebanese women echoed in my mind, some of them attempting to mirror my own while others drastically different from anything I ever knew. My only complaint is that only one volume of such book exists when there should be more already. As a queer Arab it was exhilarating reading about women who not only share my passion, but my heritage and language. Women who dared to share their fears and nightmares, alongside the intimate details of their love. It honestly made me feel less alone in this world.
June 9, 2023
"Were too arab to be queer, and too queer to be Arab."
It's an absolutely wonderful read, considering there's little to no queer arab visibility in LGBTQ+ culture. It is such a taboo topic in lebanon and the Middle East, so these stories are especially important to move away from gender identity and sexuality being something that is unusual or taboo. Being queer is like the cherry on top for the difficulties that queer Arab diaspora face, besides the usual stereotypes. This collection of stories brings a lot of emotions and has a lot of familarity with the experiences that any queer arab or minority out there probably faces. Hearing the voices of, often silenced, queer Lebanese women, sheds light on not only the struggles of acceptance but preserving multiple identities (cultural, sexuality, religious, etc). This book does not shy away in calling out racism and xenophobia that queer Arabs(and many minorities) sometimes face. What can be surprising is that a lot of people don't realize is homosexuality has long existed in the Middle East casually and liberally long before European and Western colonization entered the regions. To say it is a "western influence" is politically incorrect.
This book was particularly close to my heart, and I would highly recommend this, although fair warning, It can be a bit triggering for anyone going through struggles with queer identity or acceptance. I think whoever comes across this book should read it, especially those wanting insight on what it's like being queer in the east. I learned a lot.
It's an absolutely wonderful read, considering there's little to no queer arab visibility in LGBTQ+ culture. It is such a taboo topic in lebanon and the Middle East, so these stories are especially important to move away from gender identity and sexuality being something that is unusual or taboo. Being queer is like the cherry on top for the difficulties that queer Arab diaspora face, besides the usual stereotypes. This collection of stories brings a lot of emotions and has a lot of familarity with the experiences that any queer arab or minority out there probably faces. Hearing the voices of, often silenced, queer Lebanese women, sheds light on not only the struggles of acceptance but preserving multiple identities (cultural, sexuality, religious, etc). This book does not shy away in calling out racism and xenophobia that queer Arabs(and many minorities) sometimes face. What can be surprising is that a lot of people don't realize is homosexuality has long existed in the Middle East casually and liberally long before European and Western colonization entered the regions. To say it is a "western influence" is politically incorrect.
This book was particularly close to my heart, and I would highly recommend this, although fair warning, It can be a bit triggering for anyone going through struggles with queer identity or acceptance. I think whoever comes across this book should read it, especially those wanting insight on what it's like being queer in the east. I learned a lot.
March 24, 2022
I found this book accidentally as a 16 year old browsing through books at Antoine. It was 2016, and I had already known I was queer for a while. I knew by that point I wasn’t the only queer person in Lebanon, but being a woman who loves women can feel very lonely, especially when the queer scene is male-dominated. As I read the blurb on the back, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I bought the book immediately. The stories I read in this book brought tears to my eyes on many occasions. I felt both seen and sad. Today, it is still one of my dearest possessions. Thank you for making this timeless book that defied sexuality, gender, and womanhood way ahead of its time in Lebanon. Thank you.
October 14, 2021
Such a beautiful expressive book describing the reality of lives of the people in the lgbtqia+ community
December 9, 2024
This book changed my life. Cannot recommend enough for any queer lebanese/Arabs.
April 3, 2016
This book was a refreshing collection of stories from lesbian and queer women in Lebanon. The pieces are well written and thoughtful, and they express a wide range of views and experiences. The stories are everything from inspiring to depressing, from light-hearted to serious. The book challenges stereotypes and generalizations about Lebanon, lesbians, and religion by providing a broad spectrum of stories and giving a solid introduction to Lebanon and the production of the book at the beginning. The book is based in what I would consider to be third-wave feminism, and it rejects U.S./Western European dominance in feminist and queer theory by providing Lebanese feminist perspectives. It also calls out racism and xenophobia in queer spaces in Europe and the United States, showing how queer Lebanese women face intersectional oppression and that running away to a Western "oasis" is not the solution many expect it be.
Unfortunately, the book is not widely available (I was only able to find it at a university library, where I had to read it in one sitting), but I recommend it highly to anyone who’s interested in the subject matter. It’s an important work, and I’m looking forward to finding more that are like it.
Unfortunately, the book is not widely available (I was only able to find it at a university library, where I had to read it in one sitting), but I recommend it highly to anyone who’s interested in the subject matter. It’s an important work, and I’m looking forward to finding more that are like it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 4, 2014
i wouldn't say it's a wonderful book because the stories are not that deep , or may be the way they were represented was not fair enough.
but anw , it helped me understand how minorities feel and now i am more percieving and less judging toward them .though it didnt add to me neither a new prospective nor a new value again the stories may be so much better but they were not represented as they should be
but anw , it helped me understand how minorities feel and now i am more percieving and less judging toward them .though it didnt add to me neither a new prospective nor a new value again the stories may be so much better but they were not represented as they should be
July 1, 2019
Is it obvious that I have loved and enjoyed this book? I read this in like three days. I needed breaks to process and reflect on each story. I am heartbroken over some, elated over some. But my all encompassing emotion is one of solidarity, a need to support LGBTQ women and acknowledge the fact that every individual struggles differently but one is never alone in their struggle. Idk. I loved this. I recommend this.
September 13, 2009
Well Queer women and Transgenders in Lebanon, what else can I add?
May 30, 2014
I couldn't stop reading even when my eyes were giving up on me.
January 26, 2016
Couldn't put this book down, this book made me smile and cry at times. Loved it.
June 14, 2024
Eh raga ma che vi devo dire????
February 28, 2024
Love this. Such an important book. Happy this exists!
September 28, 2014
real life stories from lesbian, bisexual and transgender people from Lebanon. unique.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews