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256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1947
To look at the snow too long had a hypnotic effect, drawing away all power of concentration, and the cold seemed to cramp the bones, making work harder and unpleasant.
“Oh.” Miss Green considered this. “I thought you’d have lived in a hostel, or something.” As Katherine did not say anything, she went on: “It’s nice to have a place where you can bring people.”
“I’ve no-one to bring,” said Katherine, scratching the parting of her hair with one fingernail. “You’re the first visitor I’ve had.”
“Oh!” Miss Green stared at her with her mouth slightly open. “Not really?”
“It’s quite true.”
“Don’t they allow it, then?”
“Oh, they allow it, I suppose. I just haven’t had anyone to bring.”
“I expect you go out to other people’s – it’s different when they’ve their own houses.”
“No. I mean I don’t know anyone.”
At some untraceable point she had fallen in love with him. Her curiosity and his fascination had brought her to the brink of it, she knew, but she had fancied that love needed two people, as if it were a lake they had to dive in simultaneously. Now she found she had gone into it alone, while he remained undismayed.
Because Katherine was so young she had hitherto thought love a pleasant thing; a state that put order into her life, directing her thoughts and efforts towards one end, and because she found it pleasant she thought it could not be real love, which by all accounts caused suffering and was to be feared.
For the world seemed to have moved off a little, and to have lost its immediacy, as a bright pattern will fade in many washings. It was like a painting of a winter landscape in neutral colours, or a nocturne in many greys of the riverside, yet not so beautiful as either. Like a person who is beginning to go physically colour-blind she was disturbed. She felt one of her faculties had died without her consent or knowledge, and she was less than she had been. The world that she had been so used to appraising, delighting in, and mixing with had drawn away, and she no longer felt she was part of it. Henceforward, if she needed comfort, she would have to comfort herself; if she were to be happy, the happiness would have to burn from her own nature. In short, since people seemed not to affect her, they could not help her, and if she was to go on living she would have to get the strength for it solely out of herself.






