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Friends, Partners, and Lovers Lib/E: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

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Great marriages don't just happen--they're made, intentionally, day by day. Yet most of us enter the covenant of marriage thinking that the role of spouse will be easy, natural, effortless. Rarely is this true. In fact, the number one cause of divorce isn't adultery or finances or disagreements. It's apathy--a lack of intentional emotional, physical, and mental investment in the relationship.
With engaging stories and clear, simple language, pastor Kevin A. Thompson explains the three critical roles of a spouse--friend, partner, and lover--and shows how to nurture those roles in order to keep a marriage healthy and strong. Using solid biblical principles, he helps couples understand how to grow their friendship, be a supportive partner through the good times and the bad, and develop a healthy and satisfying sex life.
Friends, Partners, and Lovers offers essential insight for couples at any stage of marriage but will be especially helpful to those who are struggling and those who are engaged or newly married and looking to start their marriage on strong footing.

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Published May 2, 2017

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Kevin A. Thompson

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5 stars
65 (48%)
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46 (34%)
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19 (14%)
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
Profile Image for Christian Fiction Addiction.
689 reviews333 followers
August 12, 2017
Young married couples, old(er) married couples, couples anticipating marriage - "Friends, Partners, & Lovers" offers up some fantastic guidance that will surely bless your marriage! I greatly appreciate the straight-forward manner that Thompson writes in, offering a very practical book that is easy to read from start to finish. There were multiple moments while reading this book that I recognized some of the arguments people make about marriage, such as, marriage should be easy if you truly love each other, or it's not romantic if marriage takes work. Thomspon squashes such an argument, reminding readers that a happy marriage requires people to be intentional about investing in the relationship. Recognizing elements of troubling conversations I've had over the years, I found myself thinking of multiple people that I felt would benefit from this book, not to mention myself of course! I applauded the chapters where Thompson focuses on the importance of your spouse being your friend first. In a culture where people seem to have sex before they may even know the last name of the person, Thompson offers up a refreshingly different path, where men and women first become the best of friends before getting to marriage. In my own marriage, I've seen how this set a firm foundation for everything that was to follow - and my wife remains my best friend to this day. I also felt Thompson did a great job at talking about the sexual aspect of the marriage relationship, offering a balanced and Biblical viewpoint that is sure to both challenge and encourage couples. The questions at the end of each chapter of this book are excellent, and will help couples create space to talk about some difficult issues.

All in all, "Friends, Partners & Lovers" is a well-crafted, practical book that has earned a permanent place on my shelf. This book is perfect for couples at all stages of their marital journey, and I award it 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Profile Image for Tima.
1,678 reviews128 followers
May 10, 2017
There are three components to making a marriage a success. You must be three things to your partner, a friend, a lover, and a partner. Each of those things plays a very important part and can't be neglected. The author has taken from his own marriage and his experience as a pastor and speaker to write a book that is informative and honest. His counseling has shown him that these three parts of a marriage are essential for any marriage to flourish. The book is divided into three sections and each chapter ends with discussion questions to make the material intentional and doable.

The book was well laid out and interesting to read. The questions at the back were often thought provoking and inspiring. I thought the author did a great job of addressing many of the issues within each section without going overboard with too many details. He shared honest stories about his marriage and things he has taken from his counseling sessions and talks with other married couples. This is a great book for a newlywed or someone who has been married for many years. I would definitely recommend it.

I received a copy of this book from Revell. All thoughts expressed are my own.
Profile Image for Jim B.
879 reviews43 followers
July 29, 2019
I often wonder who writes the back cover of books. This book claims that what Pastor Thompson writes about marriage is "grounded on Scripture" and then the book has very little Scripture in it, especially of the kind that most Christian books on marriage would talk about. The book is filled with practical advice and insights, and even at almost 40 years of marriage, I've picked up a few new things. But he also is very grounded in a certain American view of marriage, so that when talking about marriage as a partnership he goes into comparisons to a business partnership, a concept that would have puzzled people in Bible times (even though he tries to equate the arranged marriages done for family and property as a similar "business" arrangement. Again, I can see that if a couple in love does not think about how they will work together for the good of each other, there's a high chance of financial ruin and I wouldn't want my daughter (if I had one) to marry a chronically unemployed guy. But we seem to arrive at these discussions without a trace of reflection on Christ, which seems an odd thing in a "Christian" book.
Profile Image for Kelly.
40 reviews3 followers
August 5, 2017
For me, an excellent sign of a good self-help book is the number of pages I have folded over or the number of sentences I have highlighted. “Friends, Partners & Lovers” by Kevin Thompson kept my folding fingers and highlighter busy! I was provided a copy of the book to review from a Christian standpoint. Though Kevin Thompson is a Pastor he made this book for everyone, not just Christians. There are only a few references to scriptures and God. The book is excellent advice to those not yet married, newlyweds and long termers like myself. I am going to a wedding in a few weeks and found myself wanting to include a quote from the book in my wedding card to the couple. In the end, I decided to write “My wish to you – read ‘Friends, Partners & Lovers’. “
1,287 reviews
June 22, 2017
Friends, Partners & Lovers, by Kevin A. Thompson, tells the reader what it takes to make a marriage work. It is not just a book for those who are struggling in their marriage, it is also a great resource for any one who is married or going to be married.
The author points out that the number one cause of divorce is that the marriage died because one or both of the spouses neglected to intentionally invest in the marriage. In a healthy marriage both spouses play the roles of friends, partners and lovers. By doing this, we let our spouse know that we will always be by their side, we will always have their back and we let them know someone will always see their soul. Being a good spouse takes time and is demanding. Unless we play all three roles we are failing to give our spouse everything we promise, and everything they deserve.
The author states that healthy marriages do not have less conflict, rather they have more positive interaction. He also states that if both partners are willing, a marriage can radically change. But you can't change your marriage by trying to change your spouse. You can pray for a change in your spouse, but you must start with a change in yourself. The conclusion of the book gives us eight questions to think about, to see if there are areas in our lives that we need to change.
I enjoyed reading some of the personal things the author puts in the book. The one thing that stands out most in my mind is that he felt he could tell how the marriage will last by how the couple feeds each other the cake at the wedding. I think back at weddings I have been to and seen couples “smash” the cake into their spouse, while other weddings the couple have been so respectful that if they get frosting on their spouse, they take a napkin and clean their spouse's face. I have not thought of this before, but it makes sense that those who take care with their spouse show more respect and love.
Another thing that is pointed out in this book is that your spouse needs to be your friend. But they cannot be your only friend. You need other friends that you can turn to, that you can talk with about things that your spouse does not care to talk about.
This is a good book for married, or soon to be married people. I really think this book is one that should be recommended at marriage enrichment classes or counseling. There are some points within the book that may offend the reader, as the author goes deep in how we need to treat our spouse and what we need to do to help our marriage. To get the most out of this book, I feel it should be one shared by both spouses, and not just read by one. In my opinion, if only one is going to read the book, it will be the one who is putting in the most work to make a marriage work. And some points in the book may make they sit back and think about things that are not being done in their marriage. As well as things they deserve in their marriage that they are not getting from their spouse. Each chapter ends with “Be Intentional” questions that will make you really sit and think.
I received a copy of this book from Revell Publishing and I have written an honest review.
576 reviews
October 23, 2017
"Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work" is a new book by Kevin A. Thompson, a husband of almost twenty years and father, pastor, and marriage counselor and speaker, which would be relevant and beneficial not only for struggling or apathetic couples needing to rebuild and rekindle their marriage, but also for engaged or newlywed couples wanting to develop a strong, healthy marriage from the start (and any couples in between!).

Through "engaging stories and clear, simple language", Thompson emphasizes the significance of investing in your marriage and expounds on what he posits are the three distinct, yet equally important spousal roles of friend, partner, and lover. In my experience, these roles are realistic, and the content for each is insightful (frequent parallel structure errors notwithstanding). While I didn't get as much out of the stories Thompson incorporates as examples throughout the book (granted they do add a more personal feel), I did appreciate the practical, down-to-earth suggestions and advice, as well as the thoughtful, "real life" definitions and descriptions of various concepts, traits, etc. (e.g., "If I respect my spouse, I will: want to know her, want to be known by her, [...] not caricature her [e.g., "all women are emotional"]"). In general, there is good insight that I found thought-provoking and applicable, from the importance of spouses being best friends and sharing positive moments together on a regular basis to the distinction between hard and harsh words (i.e., "I forgive you" or "I disagree" versus "You always..." or "You think...") in conflict. In addition, there are "Be Intentional" questions at the end of each chapter to help couples think through and apply the material to their own lives. On another, final note, I appreciated that while this book is sound and written from a Christian worldview, it is not overtly "Christian"; to me this was refreshing because the content is based on Biblical principles without sounding preachy or using God, the Bible, or prayer as a crutch or cop-out.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that "Friends, Partners, and Lovers" is above average for a marriage book (comparatively with others I've read). Kevin A. Thompson offers wise counsel that is both challenging and encouraging regardless the stage of life or love couples are in.

Disclaimer: This book was received for free from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, in exchange for my review.
Profile Image for Victoria W..
273 reviews28 followers
August 19, 2017

Friends, Partners & Lovers is written by Pastor Kevin Thompson with the intent of passing on the wisdom he has gathered over years of working with couples through his church. The book is laid out into 4 main sections: Introduction, friend, partner, and lover (hence the title). True to his intent, the language is conversational and Thompson leans towards providing practical advice. Each chapter includes a section of questions at the end meant to inspire personal reflection and interaction with the material.

Some of the material was interesting as it seemed to be a simplified version of concepts we covered in different counselling classes despite Thompson's claims that he has no counselling background. This is also apparent as many of his concepts are overarching ideas.

As a result, I feel that this book is more suited to healthy couples looking for ideas and concepts to help strengthen their marriage but have the foundation, wisdom, and communication to look at which concepts apply best to their situation, which need modifying, and which may not be acceptable at that time.

For example, the chapter on lovers has some great wisdom to share on the sexual side of marriage and I appreciated his insight into how each side interacts with the other. However, some of his suggestions such as the 24 hour rule is simply impractical in families with more complicated needs such as special needs.

I do wish Thompson had brought more attention to the limits of his book and the acceptability of couples visiting trained professionals at any point in their marriage if the should so decide.

3.5 out of 5 stars.

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc."
Profile Image for F.J. Soto.
66 reviews13 followers
May 16, 2017
This is a marriage book looking at marriage in three different areas...friends, partners, and lovers. The end of each chapter has a short list of questions to think about or discuss with your spouse.

Positive elements: The writing is straightforward with some stories sprinkled throughout from his counseling experience. He shares from his own life, too, which I like.

Negative elements: I have read a lot of marriage books and this one isn't earth shattering. But like he said at the end of the book, sometimes just to read a marriage book and be reminding of a few things is worthwhile.

Conclusion: I loved this quote from the book. "Change is a necessary aspect of marriage. Unless you are growing and adapting, your marriage is dying. Healthy couples have the ability to learn and grow. Their greatest teacher is often conflict." This is why I read this book. I don't want my marriage to grow stagnate and eventually die. And I want conflict to strengthen my marriage.

I don't always think about the three elements of marriage, especially the partnership aspect. I liked this quote about partnership. "Partnership at its very best, empowers each individual to experience their full potential while encouraging them to know that in times of weakness, there is always someone who has their back."

I would recommend this book to anyone wanting to keep on working on his or her marriage. The book is written by a man, but this is a book great for men or women or a couple to read together.
Profile Image for Jessica Baker (A Baker's Perspective).
1,434 reviews86 followers
June 2, 2017
This is a good book to review with your spouse, or soon to be spouse. The main theme (I thought) was something that I have believed for years. Love. Is. A. Choice. I know that is probably earth shattering news to some people, but it is true. It saddens me to see the divorce rates continue to climb over time. But perhaps this book may help some couples steer away from that.

The questions at the end of each chapter are very thought provoking. I would suggest answering them separately and then discuss your answers together. Remember to be honest - that's why the author put them there! Yes there are some tough and perhaps uncomfortable topics, but you should be able to talk to your spouse about anything, these topics included! I'm glad he included them because I think that many married couples avoid them like the plague. This forces you to open up and share things with your spouse.

I do wish there had been more bible references. However, it did mention some, and it was easy for me to have my Bible nearby. Think of this book as a tool to use in addition to your bible. I think this would be a great stepping stone for Non-Christian couples as well who would be scared by too many bible references. Overall, good tool for your marriage.

I received a complimentary copy of this book. I was not required to write a favorable review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Profile Image for Sarah.
958 reviews32 followers
May 19, 2017
Marriage is hard work, there is not doubt about that. There are few people who do this very well or who write books that I love. This is a book that is well balanced, for the couple that is looking to grow in their marriage, the couple that is struggle in their marriage or the couple that is just starting out. "Friends, Partners & Lovers" is a book that practical, simple and yet thought provoking. I like how the chapters are laid out and I enjoy the questions at the end of the each chapter. I enjoy how Kevin shares stories from his own marriage and experiences. It makes me feel like he more authentic and real, which is important to me when reading a book and relating to it. This book will make your marriage and relationship so much better. I recommend this book to anyone who is dating, engaged or those who are married. I give this book 4.5/5 stars. Thank you to the publishers for providing me a copy. A positive review was not required.
Profile Image for Britney.
768 reviews12 followers
June 6, 2017
Friends, Partners, and Lovers shares Kevin A. Thompson’s thoughts and experiences on “what it takes to make your marriage work”. Thompson discusses three critical roles of a spouse and offers strategies and suggestions for developing and maintaining a healthy relationship. “Healthy marriages do not have less conflict; they have more positive interactions.”

I enjoyed the insight, practical approaches, and simple instructions outlined in the book, as well as the intentional thoughts and discussion questions that conclude each chapter. “Marriage at its best harnesses both the strength of two individuals and the power of a united couple.” Friends, Partners, and Lovers is a great source of encouragement for couples at any stage of marriage!

I received a complimentary copy of this book. No review was required, and all thoughts expressed are my own.
Profile Image for victoria.
347 reviews2 followers
May 13, 2017
This book was very interesting and compelling to read with all the story inside this book that can be use and helping for all the marriage, couple, partners, lovers or everyone to determine where and how to make concrete improvements also challenge to create a healthy happy marriage and stronger relationship more than ever because we all know that in the real word that we are all living no matter that we having a good time or a bad time if we are all supporting and understand trust in there love will live forever by using solid biblical principles will help you grow even more anything. I highly to everyone must to read this book. " I received this book free from Revell Reads Blog program for this review "
26 reviews
November 21, 2019
Very practical and informational. Probably would have given more stars except for one important matter. I would consider this a good book to supplement a basic understanding of Christian marriage. If you already understand God's design for marriage and if you have a good handle on biblical principles for marriage, then read this book. Lots of practical advice from the author and his experiences. What you won't find is that scriptural basis for the advice he dispenses. Actually, you won't find Bible passages at all. He assumes you already know that. And you won't find a lot of research from psychological, medical, scientific studies. It's not that kind of book either. But there is a lot of solid practical advice.
Profile Image for Jessica.
84 reviews
August 17, 2017
One of the things that I liked the most about this book was that it looked at the three levels of a marital relationship listed in the title: friends, partners, and lovers. Each of them are IMPORTANT and each are ESSENTIAL in any marriage. It definitely opened my eyes to what was missing in our marriage and what we needed to improve upon in order for us to feel more complete together.

You can find the rest of my review here: https://thehuntforpaperbacks.wordpres...
Profile Image for Marisa.
406 reviews
April 21, 2018
Initially, I thought this book would be like any other Christian marriage book I've read in the past, but I was pleasantly surprised. Kevin A. Thompson has a great mind. I liked that his book focused on what is practical in a marriage, and his strategies to better relationships are stated clearly. Something that I admire about him is that he will not let you go through marriage in a state of denial. He will tell you the truth and teach you to get to the root of the problem in a relationship.
3 reviews
June 7, 2017
Kevin A. Thompson has continued to impress me with his thoughtful, concise, and blunt advice to married couples. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and the many practical tips it contained. Will definitely be passing on to friends and giving this book as a wedding gift regularly.

I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Amanda.
171 reviews
January 28, 2020
Good look at what it takes to be married. The friends, partners and lovers idea stems from Adam and Eve but the majority of the book is not backed by biblical references. There are some sprinkles it and it has great advice just don’t expect scripture upon scripture.
Profile Image for Sarah.
135 reviews9 followers
January 9, 2019
The best marriage book I have ever read! It inspires me to be a friend, partner, and lover to my husband and to work intentionally on my marriage. Both inspiring and practical.
Profile Image for CC.
214 reviews1 follower
October 22, 2022
I think that was a great read... married 20+ years and who doesn't want a read to remind ourselves on what do to maintain a solid marriage?
Profile Image for Kaylen Ross.
57 reviews1 follower
September 12, 2023
Good book. Would recommend for anyone married, planning to be, or wanting to be. Does discuss the importance of timing and communication for sexual intimacy within marriage but no detail past that.
Profile Image for Hailey Wakefield.
22 reviews
December 16, 2023
Enjoyed this book! Only main criticism is that some chapters were too repetitive. It is also not a book with Scripture throughout
Profile Image for Molly Jaber (Audiobooks And Sweet Tea).
948 reviews68 followers
August 23, 2017
I'm married to my best friend. That's what I tell people who don't know me and want to know who my husband is. He's my best friend. When we met, I was leery of another relationship. My first marriage was not the greatest. Too many bad things happening. I didn't trust any guy. But, my husband patiently persisted and one day I took a leap of Faith after praying hard, and 4 years later we are still married. Do we fight? Oh Lord, do we ever! But, one thing  I can say is we stay friends through it all. We work our problems out. We seek advice if we need it. We never give up. 

Kevin A. Thompson is an author I'd not heard of before, so I wasn't quite sure what to expect with this book, especially with it being a non fiction book. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised! He takes three key aspects to making a marriage work and tells us why they work. It's definitely something I have taken to heart and really want to work on with my husband! The way Mr. Thompson describes these aspects really make me reflect on my marriage now. Four years of happiness with my best friend, sure. But, there is more that we can be doing to really make it work. 

This is a 4 star worthy book, in my opinion! I enjoyed his writing style, as it makes it easy to read this non fiction book and to not get bored reading it. If you are in a happy marriage, or a marriage that you aren't sure if it's going to make it, then I highly recommend this read! It will help you think and reflect on what your doing now, and what could improve it. Definitely a great partner read with your spouse! This review was originally posted on Cafinated Reads
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