May Contain Nuts

by John O'Farrell

Alice never imagined that she would end up like this. Is she the only mother who feels so permanently panic-stricken at the terrors of the modern world - or is it normal to sit up in bed all night popping bubble wrap? She worries that too much gluten and dairy may be hindering her children's mental arithmetic. She frets that there are too many cars on the road to let them out of the 4x4. Finally she resolves to take control and tackle her biggest worry of all: her daughter is definitely not going to fail that crucial secondary school entrance exam. Because Alice has decided to take the test in her place...

With his trademark comic eye for detail, John O'Farrell has produced a funny and provocative book that will make you laugh, cry and vow never to become that sort of parent. And then you can pass it on to your seven-year-old, because she really ought to be reading grown-up novels by now...

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Contemporary, Comedy, Book Club, Novels, Family

392 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

John O'Farrell is the author of four novels: The Man Who Forgot His Wife, May Contain Nuts, This Is Your Life and The Best a Man Can Get. His novels have been translated into over twenty languages and have been adapted for radio and television. He has also written two best-selling history books: An Utterly Impartial History of Britain and An Utterly Exasperated History of Modern Britain, as well as a political memoir, Things Can Only Get Better and three collections of his column in The Guardian. A former comedy scriptwriter for such productions as Spitting Image, Room 101, Murder Most Horrid and Chicken Run, he is founder of the satirical website NewsBiscuit and can occasionally be spotted on such TV programmes as Grumpy Old Men, Question Time and Have I Got News for You.

Reviews

[Anni · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being confined to my sickbed with flu, this was exactly the sort of reading material to guarantee, if not a feelgood factor, then certainly a feel-much-better factor.
With at least four laughs per page, this is a great satire/farce that is actually funny, about middle-class pretension and one-upmanship when it comes to parenting and getting your child into the 'right' school.

[Niki · Rating 3 out of 5]

A pretty fast and light read, funny at times, boring and preachy in others. Satire titles frequently have that problem, eh, but I still like reading one every now and then to cleanse my palate a bit from my usual genres.

[indiffferente · Rating 3 out of 5]

although some parts of this book are a bit “wordy”, it’s a fun read. nothing overly spectacular, but a very light and joyful book.

[Nathalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title comes from one of the characters who will not let her children eat anything at someone else' home unless she reads the label because "it may contain nuts"--the catch is, she does not know if her child is allergic to nuts because the child has never had any but just in case...The line under the book title is "A novel of extreme parenting" and it pretty much sums up this funny book. Alice and David are forty-something Brits with three children and are UBER concerned about doing the absolute right thing in every minute detail for each of their three children, to the point they will never not let a child take a step without holding their hand, literally and figuratively--which leads to some pretty hilarious situation. This is aggravated by the fact that Alice is part of a friend's group who are all mothers of children of similar age--but the problem is mostly ultra competitive Ffion (two "f"s) whose daughter is naturally, according to her mother, the brightest, prettiest, etc..ad nauseam. Ffion is so self-confident of in her knowledge and ability as a mother she induces doubt and insecurities in the other mothers and by extension, their children and spouses. This extreme parenting leads Alice to actually impersonate her eleven-year daughter Molly and to take her entrance examination to the prestigious Chelsea College (where of course all the other daughters of her friends will be going) and she justifies herself by saying that "she's a bright girl but she doesn't take tests well"--even with all of Molly's free time taken up with tutoring lessons etc. all to no avail except to make Molly a nervous wreck and shake her fragile self-confidence. This sounds dreary but the author is very funny and spot-on in his observations. As a mother of young children, I ran into several Ffions and learned to steer clear of them and to make my own choices and take care of my own happiness as Alice eventually learns. This was a very quick read--hard to put down!

[Leah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny, witty, and TOTALLY over the top!

In telling the story of a clique of parents desperately trying to get their 11 year old daughters into a high-status middle school, the author has created the perfect amalgam of the insane, uptight parents in our world. These parents are known to every "normal" parent as they make us feel inferior, while making our skin crawl... who would do THAT to their kid? (Should I be doing that? Is it really good for him?)

A fun read. Lots of chuckles, giggles, and "holy crap - no they didn't!" moments. The characters are truly distinct (which is helpful because the supporting cast is large). The main characters are likeable and hate-able at the same time. This really helps carry you through the story as you want them to realize their errors because they seem like their hearts are in the right place, but you are also dying to see them get their "just desserts" and pay the price for their awful, rediculous behavior.

A good read for parents and children of over-achievers. If anything, you'll learn what NOT to do.

[Sheila · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very funny book

[Gioconda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt kind of irritated by that book. It is obvious, the author is leaning to the left. As a consequence, his characters are the caricatures of the "bad guys" (either immoral or stupid) how left wing imagines them. The story full of strawmen.

Or could I be underestimating the stupidity of English upper middle class ? I am from a different country, in fact I am Eastern European, so maybe I should take into account, if some people write, they know people like that ? Still hard to believe.

But, seriously, is it possible, that an 11 year old black mathematical genius would not get into any prestigious school whatsoever (not just Chelsea), the only option being the public school ? And the public school is actually ssoooo much better than Chelsea, even though Chelsea is almost a direct route to Oxford / Cambridge ? (O.K., for Molly, Chelsea really was not appropriate, but the moral conclusion of the story seemed to go into more general direction, not just the specific case of Molly).

EDIT: Somebody says it better than me here: http://darrenlilleker.blogspot.sk/200...

I spent my childhood on communist propaganda, so I dislike the propaganda pattern when I see it.

[Kirsty · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was everything I look for in a good humour book. It's a satirical look at parents who would literally do anything to make sure that their kids succeed. Teetering on the edge between real life and bizarre exaggeration, this book looks at the rivalry between parents of kids who are the same age and are trying to get into a prestigious school. The crazy thing is, it's not really that exaggerated when you look at some parents today!

The book was very well paced. I didn't want to put it down and I read it in three sittings! It made me laugh out loud at many points and has gone straight onto my favourites shelf. Loved it and can't wait to pick up more from this author.

[Paul Mathews · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a big John O'Farrell fan but this is my least favourite novel from him. The whole premise of a woman choosing to take an exam on her teenage daughter's behalf is unbelievable. And the pushy parent jokes start to wear thin pretty quickly. There's also a clear political message here (i.e. state schools can offer a more rounded education than private schools) and it can feel like a comedic party political broadcast at times. The humour is witty enough to carry you along, but it's nowhere near as enjoyable as 'The Best a Man Can Get' or 'The Man Who Forgot His Wife'. More one for John O'Farrell fans who need another fix.

[Judit Gonzalez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, did I laugh while I read!
Wonderful, funny, witty. I saw myself sometimes reflected in Alice (even though I was not a mom yet... but I could see myself freaking out already when I become one).
Great read for a lousy evening, so it really cheers you up.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

humour inglese molto simpatico; peccato per il finale che più sdolcinato e banale non si può.

[Mrs. Read · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a word, I loved May Contain Nuts by someone whom everyone in England knows but I never heard of: John O’Farrell. The author seems to have an impressive vita, but since I’m not familiar with any of the TV shows, radio programs, podcasts etc., I’ll go straight to the book, which can be summed up as extremely funny. Most U.S. readers know about the 2019 college admissions scandal; Nicole LaPorte’s Guilty Admissions is a good book on the subject. In certain social classes the fight to get a child into the best schools begins with pre-school, and there are several interesting (if disheartening) books on this subject. The best of them, however, are the satires,* and May Contain Nuts is the funniest I’ve read. A real live English person would probably enjoy it even more; there are lots of obscure (to me) phrases and references.** They don’t obscure the humor, though, and I recommend the book heartily.


*It’s hard to characterize Sandra Tsing Loh’s “biographical” Mother on Fire, which is hugely funny overall and contains a running thread about her effort to get her two little girls into a “good” L.A.-area school … which, interestingly, culminate as Alice’s in May Contain Nuts does.

**On the other hand, after reading many dozens of books first published in England, I’ve finally learned that the previously obscure 11+ exam is not part of the still obscure A and/or O exam which is given later.

[LaDawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having survived the hyper competitive world of private schools and the transition to state schools, I can say, hand on heart, this is the funniest story ever. The truth hurts!

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

An interesting account of human nature with laugh out loud moments.

[Fiona Robinson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Moderately funny

[Grace Lovejoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Georgia Garrett you’ve done it again ! This book was just genuinely very funny (giggling out loud funny), and an easy and fun read. I did wonder if the satirical concept would be able to sustain a whole book but I was entertained throughout. Unfortunately relatable, I have recommended it to my mum lol.

Found in a hostel in Thailand!

[David Proffitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whilst there is no recognised blueprint for being a good parent, there are some things that you instinctively know are just wrong. And as any parent will know, protecting your offspring from the darker side of the real world is a seemingly impossible task. But just how far do you go to protect your precious children? How much are you prepared to do to ensure their passage through to adulthood is a smooth as possible?

Which brings the next great question, how much should you protect them?

In Alice Chaplin’s case, the answer is quite clear; you protect them from everything and everyone. Sitting up at night popping bubble-wrap, Alice is permanently panic-stricken by all the horrors of the modern world. And what about schooling? For Alice, getting her daughter into the “best” school takes an hilarious twist when she decides to sit the entrance exam in her place.

John O’Farrell has once again produced a very funny book, made all the funnier because it comes so scarily close to reality. But that is what O’Farrell does best. His eye for detail and unmatched wit left me aghast at how far the parents are prepared to go.

I think we all know parents who seem unable to see that they are crossing the line between protecting the children and smothering them. In this satirical broadside on Middle England, O’Farrell leaves the reader in doubt that for the Chaplin’s, that line has well and truly been crossed, and the consequences force them to re-evaluate how they raise the children.

A really funny book. If you haven’t read any of John O’Farrell’s books, this is as good a place to start as any. But take it from me, once you have read one, it won’t be long before you’ve read them all.

[Ian Mapp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, I rather enjoyed this book - although the amount of laughs per page meant that it got rather annoying after a while. Its the literary equivalent of the office joker from the fast show and gets a bit monotonous.

Starts excellently, with a concerned middle class 36 year old woman starting a one person campaign against speeding in her road by creating a small boy (complete with a Tony Blair mask) which is waved in front of passing cars, causing an accident.

This is the main thrust of the book - over protective parents doing to much for their kids - in this instance, taking exams for them on their behalf to get into the top public schools.

Flimsey subject matter for a whole book and there is a sub plot of a working class family who are denied entrance to the school through the mothers actions but find that the local comprehensive is just as good. Obviously O'Farrell leaning towards his left wing roots.

There is an excellent closing epilogue where he takes the piss out of any of his friends who recognise themselves from the story.

All in all, its the jokes that make the book worthwhile although they are delivered in machine gun style, with around 10% hitting the mark and 5% being laugh out loud funny.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the opening pages in which Tony Blair is thrust on a long pole into a busy road from behind a parked car, you know that you're in for a treat with this fantastic novel from John O'Farrell.

Regular readers of The Times' "Slummy Mummy" column will recognise the flavour as the heroine, Alice Chaplin, desperately tries to keep up with the Joneses (or in this case the Russells) at her daughter's school. But when it's time for young Molly to earn her place at the most sought-after secondary school, Alice descends to tricks and stratagems to ensure that her daughter is not humiliated in front of the other yummy mummies and their precocious broods.

"May Contain Nuts" may be uncomfortably close to the bone for some parents; for everyone else it's a hilarious read that doesn't get tired with age. I won't get too complacent though; I may be just like Alice when my time comes ...

[Nicky Turner · Rating 2 out of 5]

I share many of the author's beliefs regarding education but I found this to be a pretty lazy piece of satire. It was very readable but I found the humour to be very obvious, a bit superficial and incredibly simplistic - particularly in the depiction of Battersea Comprehensive. There's a lot to be said about the tension between state and independent education but this skates over some of the real issues. Not massively keen on the demonising of the mothers with the fathers being shown as rather more benign in the background, either - its all a bit goodie vs baddie for me.

[Cecily · Rating 1 out of 5]

A comedy about urban Guardianista competitive parenting, in particular, the lengths some will go to to ensure admission to a good senior school. Ludicrously implausible aspects of the plot, coupled with basic errors (you don't sit the 11+ when you are 11 years old, but to determine where you transfer to once you are that old), but a few of the caricatures are mildly amusing and it's a very quick read.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

May Contain Nuts is an hysterical look at the lengths middle class parents will go to ensure that their children have all of the perceived "advantages." This is a laugh-out-load page turner that spawned a British television show. This is not heavy literature, and it is directed towards a British audience, so the nomenclature will be a bit foreigh to American readers. O'Farrell has a similar writing style to Bill Bryson so this is an ideal holiday read. Enjoy!

[Trijntje · Rating 3 out of 5]

I truly enjoy the writing style of John O'Farrell, he can be really funny at times. I liked the idea/concept of the novel, but it was a bit of an effort to really get into the story. It took me longer than the "The man who forgot his wife" to finish it. It was a bit cheesy in the end, then again, why not feel good about life instead of muddling through all the drama.

[O* · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny book, and a lot of recognition for people who have had to navigate the school system in England. However, it is a little OTT and might have been more interesting if it had cut just some of the bizarre aspects. The "rich white middle class meet poor ethnic group" feels a little old and it does not seem realistic that they become such good friends in no time at all.

[Thomas Stroemquist · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Great O'Farrell on parenting. My guess is that parents would like it even more, considering the recognition and self-knowledge factors (or, then again, they may just dislike it for the same reasons). "

[Simon (Highwayman) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant. Antidote for any sort of dark cloud.

[Tara Edelman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny, extreme and cynical.

[Ian · Rating 2 out of 5]

Funny in parts, but reads more like a TV script than a novel (see also A Casual Vacancy). The characters are unidimensional, the plot predictable and the ending saccharine.

[Dorottya · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75 technically

This is a novel that I thoroughly enjoyed... but out of my favourites, this is the one about which I would be the least surprised to hear negative reviews I could understand. This novel is really walking on thin ice when it comes to how believable the storylines are... unlikely? FOR SURE... but not credible?... I found it believable. But I think it depends on the reader's imagination, experiences and probably how many forums they have read about raising children and first world problems.I can definitely understand some people having a hard time seeing some people making such decisions as some of the characters do in this novel.

This novel shows a light on upper middle class (and higher class) hysteria about making mini geniuses out of their kids. Partly it is to secure a good future for them... but just as much just competing with your acquaintances / "friends" (the quote marks are there for a reason, folks) about whose kis is the smartest and which parent is the best. In this novel, we have such well depicted scenes about people making their kids compete - who is the best horse rider, who knows the most about instruments in a band, who knows the most color shade names... to a level where parents have a nervous breakdown when their mini genius spends 30 minutes playing a video game instead of doing something "more useful".
It also touches on the topic of what is the healthy limit of pushing our children to do better academically without breaking them (it hit really close to home for me because I grew up in an athmospehre where I was constantly expected to bring in results, results, results and good performance). Also, coming to terms with the fact that our children might not be like us, and might not be interested in the same things and might have the same competences. And how it can be especially hard for someone to realize this who actually managed to climb up the social ladder and for whom it was education that made it possible from moving to a higher socio-economical status from a really dire one, and who, because of this, is always afraid that their children, if they don't follow the same route, going to "develop backwards" and end up in the slum... like, when you know there is a good way, and you start to believe it must be the only good way.

All this said, this novel was crazy funny as well. The first few pages are bonkers - I knew I had a gem in my hands, I laughed out at the whole story sooooo loud.

0.25 stars minus is because at times, it feels a little bit Lifetime movie-ish... I mean, some conflicts get resolved quite quickly, and people sometimes realize their vices in a sort of sappy way. It did not bother me THAT much, but they still irked me a bit.

[Ryan Barretto · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finally picked up this book to read, after having it with me for the past 2 years. Why? I constantly have unread books that are left that way because some other book has taken priority.

Do I now feel that I should have read it sooner? Not really? Did I enjoy reading it? Yes definitely. It's one of those books where the author is male and the main protagonist is female. It's written with such feel that I had to check the front cover a few times to make sure.

Think of the term "helicopter parent" and you will get some idea of the characters and the theme. The plot is quite different, but the writing style i.e. the humour and satire, is what made this book a lot of fun to read, while noticing the parallels with people I know in real life.

The characters seem over the top, but are fairly normal - at least the children are.

It's definitely worth a read.