WARNING: SPOILERS SPRINKLED HAPHAZARDLY THROUGHOUT THE REVIEW
Cannibalism, rape, many murders, dismemberment, torture, and infanticide.
Shakespeare?
Widely regarded as Shakespeare's worst, most despicable play, some people defend him by saying he didn't even write it - that he was just credited with it and it was penned by another.
It's not really the play that comes to mind when people think of old Bill. :)
The Emperor dies. Will Saturninus, the older son, or Bassianus, the kinder son, get the throne? Neither. The people want Titus Andronicus, that old battleaxe who fought for 40 years and lost 21 sons in battle, to rule Rome. Titus has some prisoners of war with him: Tamora (Queen of the Goths), her three sons (Chiron, Demetrius and Alarbus), along with a black man - Aaron. Aaron is Tamora's lover.
Titus determines it is only right that he slaughter Tamora's oldest son in payback for the sons he's lost. Tamora begs him on her knees not to kill her son, but Titus does it anyway.
Titus refuses to be king, saying he's too old, and gives the throne to Saturninus. Saturninus agrees to take Lavinia (Titus's daughter) as a wife. Bassianus protests because they're engaged. His protests are unheeded, so he runs away with Lavinia and her brothers helping them escape. One brother stays to plead with their father to allow Lavinia to stay with her love. Titus kills him. He slaughters his own son. Then he denies him the right to be buried in the family plot. Only after his other sons beg him to reconsider does he relent and allow the son he murdered himself to be buried with honor.
Saturninus decides to take the Goth POW Tamora as his wife. (What the hell is he thinking!?!?) She vows to brutally kill everyone who wronged her. (I cast Thandie Newton or Zoe Saldaña in this role. They are great actresses and exactly who I think of when I think of "vengeful queen with royal bearing." Although a HUGE deal is made during the play about white Tamora having a black lover (Aaron) so I suppose I will have to think of a white woman to play the role.)
Aaron, Tamora's black lover, is happy she's now an empress so he can get power, too. He comes across her two sons, Chiron and Demetrius, arguing about which one is more deserving of Lavinia's love.
Aaron's like: Hello? She's married to Bassianus now.
C+D: Aw. We're disappointed.
AARON: But you can still rape her! Why don't you take turns? She's going out hunting in the woods with the men. It would be easy to get her alone and gangbang her. In the forest no one will hear her scream.
C+D: This is a great idea! We can't wait!
Aaron goes out in the woods and sets up things so that Quintus and Martius (Titus's sons) will be accused of murder. Then he meets Tamora and she begs him to f*ck her. But he's like: No, I can't think about sex right now, I am planning some murders. Bassianus and Lavinia catch Tamora and Aaron together and insult and humiliate Tamora for having a black lover. C+D come and stab Bassianus to death. Tamora wants Lavinia dead, too, but her sons want to rape her first. Lavinia begs Tamora, woman to woman, to please kill her and not let her be raped. Tamora ignores her pleading and tells her sons to do what they want with Lavinia.
So C+D rape her and then cut off her arms at the elbow and cut out her tongue so she can't ever tell anyone who did this to her.
Aaron has set it up so it looks like Titus's sons (Quintus and Martius) are responsible for Bassianus's death. Titus begs for his sons' lives, but they are dragged away to be executed.
Marcus brings the raped and mutilated Lavinia to her father, who is overcome with sorrow. Not only are his sons to be executed, but his only daughter is tongueless, armless, and without her virtue.
Aaron comes in and tells Titus that if Titus will let Aaron cut off his hand, his sons will be freed. Titus lets Aaron cut off his hand and is promptly presented with the decapitated heads of his two sons. Aaron gloats in his deception and trickery. Titus starts laughing, bent on revenge and also (we think) starting to go a bit mad.
In the next scene, Titus lovingly feeds Lavinia and tries to understand her body language, since she has no means to communicate. He vows to find some way to communicate with her. He shows more signs of insanity.
Lavinia manages to tell her father and uncle who raped her by writing in the sand with a staff in her mouth. The men kneel and vow their revenge.
Meanwhile, at the castle, Tamora gives birth to a black baby. The nurse rushes to Aaron, saying that Tamora has ordered the baby to be murdered. He's black and therefore can't be Saturninus's son. Aaron vows his little son will not die, and murders the nurse by stabbing her to death.
Then there's a weird scene with arrows being shot into the air with messages for the gods, a clown with some pigeons and a message from Titus to Saturninus. The clown is murdered, blah blah blah, THE POINT IS that Titus is raising an army of Goths to rise against Saturninus. Saturninus is scared. His wife, Tamora, says, don't worry, I'll convince that crazy old man to call off the army.
The Goth army discovers Aaron and his infant son in hiding. Titus's son Lucius wants to hang Aaron, but hang the baby so that his father can watch it die first - and then hang Aaron. But Aaron says he'll give Lucius all the information he wants about what crimes went down if Lucius promises to spare his son's life. Lucius agrees. Aaron tells him everything, bragging about the part he played in it all, reveling in his evil nature. He only wishes he could've committed a billion more crimes! His only regrets are that he ever did any good in his life. Lucius decides that hanging is too good for Aaron and has him gagged to get him to stop talking about his evil, evil life.
Tamora and her sons C+D go to Titus, claiming to be Revenge, Rape and Murder. They tell him they are sent by the gods to right the wrong done to Titus. Titus pretends he is insane and that he believes them, and agrees to Tamora's suggestion that Titus go visit Saturninus and Tamora at their castle. But he insists she leave Rape and Murder (C+D) there. She leaves her sons with Titus. Titus slits her sons' throats as Lavinia kneels before them, catching their flowing blood in a basin. Why? SO THAT TITUS CAN BAKE THEM INTO PIES.
Titus bakes C+D into pies and brings them to Saturninus and Tamora's house. Titus asks Satruninus a hypothetical question about what one should do with a raped daughter, and Saturninus says "kill her." Titus promptly whirls around and stabs his daughter Lavinia to death. Saturninus is shocked. Titus claims her real killers are C+D. Saturninus calls for C+D, but Titus informs them that not only are C+D dead, but in their mothers tummy - because she just ate the pies that were made out of their blood and bones.
Then Titus stabs Tamora to death.
Then Saturninus stabs Titus to death.
Then Titus's son Lucius stabs Saturninus to death.
Rome is once again without an emporer, just like at the beginning of the play.
....
Well. That was Titus Andronicus. Are you disgusted? I sure was. It was the first Shakespeare play I'd ever read, I must have been 9 or 10 years old. I didn't read Shakespeare again for TEN WHOLE YEARS because I was so grossed out. All I had heard about all my life was "Shakespeare is the greatest writer ever born" and "Shakespeare's plays are amazing works of art" etc. etc. etc. Imagine my shock when my first Shakespeare experience was with THIS. Racist (Aaron is one of Shakespeare's few black characters, and he is the most disgusting person ever), with rape, killing your own children, threatening to hang babies, tricking a mother into eating her own sons' corpses...I mean, ugh. Could this play get any more disgusting?
I think the overarching theme, though, is a cautionary one about how revenge on others destroys you as well, and that forgiveness is the best course of action.
Also, I think, there is some subtle commentary about how the traditional thing isn't the right thing to do. Even though Saturninus was the older son, the kinder Bassianus should have been emperor. Even though it was traditional to kill rape victims in order to give them some dignity, Titus should have allowed his daughter to live. Even though it was traditional to seek revenge, all the characters should have forgiven each other.
The only time Aaron comes off as even slightly human is in his concern for his son's wellbeing - which is in marked contrast to every other character's willingness to kill their own children left and right.
I can see why people are desperate to claim that Shakespeare didn't write this, but it sounds like Shakespeare to me. o.O
If you are going to read one Shakespeare play in your life - DON'T READ THIS ONE.