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Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting
Your capacity to look at your family with ‘gospel eyes’ has an enormous effect on your marriage, your integrity, and your love for your children. William Farley shows how to establish that insight.
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
89 people are currently reading
1017 people want to read
About the author
William P. Farley
15 books12 followersWilliam Farley (Bill) is the Pastor of Grace Christian Fellowship, a church he planted in 2002 in Spokane, Washington. He has been married to his best friend, Judy, since 1971. He has five children and twenty-one grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 102 reviews
September 4, 2019
There has to be better. I read this book at the recommendation of Tim Challies, who said it was his #1 on the topic of parenting (https://www.challies.com/recommendati...). I agree with Challies that Farley says of much of the gospel and how it relates to parenting. I appreciated his emphasis on both love and discipline, on the need for fatherly affection, and devoting so much time to making sure the reader knows the gospel and its implications for parenting (as well as marriage).
Unfortunately, he is not careful enough with his words or arguments. I was left to wonder how so much of this book got beyond the editoral process. Cards on the table, I am a complementarian; I believe the husband/father is to be the leader of the home; I believe he is to be the primary decision maker, educator, discipler, and disciplinarian of his family. But Farley all but denigrates the importance of mothers. He almost exclusively writes the book for fathers, and many might conclude that the mother is little more than the father's "assistant," wording Farley employs often (e.g., there's a chapter on "Gospel Fathers," but not "Gospel Mothers."). He makes it seem like the mother only has an important role if she, by God's providence, is or becomes a single parent. At one point, he even seems to suggest that families are actually statistically better (i.e., when it comes to a child's faith), if the Father is truly faithful and the mother is not at all (129-130).
I think he is a bit too "prooftexty" as well. He often brings up verses that support his notions, while not mentioning verses that might give greater nuance to the conversation (especially when it comes to his notion of the supreme importance of fathers over and against mothers). There are many false dichotomies. There are many instances where he presents two options (to make you pick his, the clear "better"), when really there are more (this is especially the case when it comes to options for disciplinary actions). He also fails to do proper exegesis/explanation when citing his prooftexts. My wife and I read this together, and often she was left wondering (as I): "I don't get how he arrived at this conclusion based on what this verse seems to be saying." His model is often simply, "Here's what I believe and here's a verse that supports what I believe." Yet in many cases, the verse does not seem to make clear what he is defending.
Again though, I think, more than anything else, that Farley is not discerning enough in his explanations; he's too uncareful (or maybe is being careful?) with his words. If he was going for "blunt," he succeeds; but at what cost? I tried to assume the best, but it gets harder as the book goes on. I will say that I most appreciated his practical chapters on discipline and loving children toward the end of the book. If anything, this is what makes the book worth it. I'll just conclude with this quote of what I see as a prime example of this carelessness (and I promise, I couldn't even come close to making sense of this quote and why it was needed [it's so brash], even within its immediate, surrounding context). I literally felt the need to apologize to my wife for how it's likely (and understandably) perceived by so many women: "When a husband humbly loves a menopausal (or pre-menstrual) wife, his behavior says, 'Christ loves the church even though she is sinful.' His behavior tells his children, 'Christ loves his bride even when she is unattractive.' It says that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, even our failings" (112).
Unfortunately, he is not careful enough with his words or arguments. I was left to wonder how so much of this book got beyond the editoral process. Cards on the table, I am a complementarian; I believe the husband/father is to be the leader of the home; I believe he is to be the primary decision maker, educator, discipler, and disciplinarian of his family. But Farley all but denigrates the importance of mothers. He almost exclusively writes the book for fathers, and many might conclude that the mother is little more than the father's "assistant," wording Farley employs often (e.g., there's a chapter on "Gospel Fathers," but not "Gospel Mothers."). He makes it seem like the mother only has an important role if she, by God's providence, is or becomes a single parent. At one point, he even seems to suggest that families are actually statistically better (i.e., when it comes to a child's faith), if the Father is truly faithful and the mother is not at all (129-130).
I think he is a bit too "prooftexty" as well. He often brings up verses that support his notions, while not mentioning verses that might give greater nuance to the conversation (especially when it comes to his notion of the supreme importance of fathers over and against mothers). There are many false dichotomies. There are many instances where he presents two options (to make you pick his, the clear "better"), when really there are more (this is especially the case when it comes to options for disciplinary actions). He also fails to do proper exegesis/explanation when citing his prooftexts. My wife and I read this together, and often she was left wondering (as I): "I don't get how he arrived at this conclusion based on what this verse seems to be saying." His model is often simply, "Here's what I believe and here's a verse that supports what I believe." Yet in many cases, the verse does not seem to make clear what he is defending.
Again though, I think, more than anything else, that Farley is not discerning enough in his explanations; he's too uncareful (or maybe is being careful?) with his words. If he was going for "blunt," he succeeds; but at what cost? I tried to assume the best, but it gets harder as the book goes on. I will say that I most appreciated his practical chapters on discipline and loving children toward the end of the book. If anything, this is what makes the book worth it. I'll just conclude with this quote of what I see as a prime example of this carelessness (and I promise, I couldn't even come close to making sense of this quote and why it was needed [it's so brash], even within its immediate, surrounding context). I literally felt the need to apologize to my wife for how it's likely (and understandably) perceived by so many women: "When a husband humbly loves a menopausal (or pre-menstrual) wife, his behavior says, 'Christ loves the church even though she is sinful.' His behavior tells his children, 'Christ loves his bride even when she is unattractive.' It says that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, even our failings" (112).
July 10, 2014
There are some good points, but I majorly disagreed with his emphasis on Patriarchy. One of his main premises is that Christianity is patriarchal and the family unit should be centered on the father....um. No. The family unit should be centered on God alone. Anyway. Did not like this book.
July 15, 2022
Honestly, this book has sat untouched on the shelf for at least 10 years. I’m trying not to beat myself up for this, but realize that God is sovereign and this book was presented to me when I needed it…now.
I’ve read at least a dozen books on gospel, grace-centered parenting. This trumps them all. The author spends most of his time unpacking the gospel in light of parenting. I don’t remember the last time I was so beat down by a book and also encouraged and enlightened at the same time.
I’ve read at least a dozen books on gospel, grace-centered parenting. This trumps them all. The author spends most of his time unpacking the gospel in light of parenting. I don’t remember the last time I was so beat down by a book and also encouraged and enlightened at the same time.
October 21, 2015
Very helpful. Super practical and grounded in the Scriptures. Throughout the reading you're reminded of how practical the gospel is and how it specifically applies to parenting. Although there is biblical material not touched (Farley believes that what we practice in parenting must come specifically from the gospel, but he doesn't cover everything in the biblical witness in the way of parenting), the book gives a foundational charge to parents, especially fathers about how to lead their children and families spiritually.
June 6, 2011
Not really much on parenting, more a veiled discussion on his reformed beliefs. A few good things about speaking to the heart, rehashed from Shepharding a Child's Heart. didn't like.
January 13, 2025
There is a lot that I found to be helpful in this book, especially the call to fear and love God more than your children and to lavish affection upon your children, especially the difficult ones.
However, there is much to wade through with which I fundamentally disagree. For example, Farley states that: “Saving faith, deeply rooted in the children’s hearts, is the supreme goal of Christian parents. … Therefore, Christian parenting is all about the transfer of Dad and Mom’s faith.” (p. 42) This book felt antithetical to Paul David Tripp’s “Parenting” in which Tripp states: “successful parenting is not about achieving goals (that you have no power to produce) but about being a usable and faithful tool in the hands of the One who alone is able to produce good things in your children.”
Maybe I’m being overly picky with language but if Farley had stated that the chief “desire” of the Christian parent is their children’s salvation, I could have agreed. But it is clear that throughout the book Farley measures success and failure by the faith or lack thereof in the child. And much of this book flows out of this primary thesis. He often speaks of controlling your children through discipline even going as far as saying you must spank your child until you break their will and suggests spanking is about winning or losing to your child. (p. 147, 168-169)
Again, there is much that I found to be helpful, especially towards the end of the book, but I disagree with his main thesis which colors much of this book.
However, there is much to wade through with which I fundamentally disagree. For example, Farley states that: “Saving faith, deeply rooted in the children’s hearts, is the supreme goal of Christian parents. … Therefore, Christian parenting is all about the transfer of Dad and Mom’s faith.” (p. 42) This book felt antithetical to Paul David Tripp’s “Parenting” in which Tripp states: “successful parenting is not about achieving goals (that you have no power to produce) but about being a usable and faithful tool in the hands of the One who alone is able to produce good things in your children.”
Maybe I’m being overly picky with language but if Farley had stated that the chief “desire” of the Christian parent is their children’s salvation, I could have agreed. But it is clear that throughout the book Farley measures success and failure by the faith or lack thereof in the child. And much of this book flows out of this primary thesis. He often speaks of controlling your children through discipline even going as far as saying you must spank your child until you break their will and suggests spanking is about winning or losing to your child. (p. 147, 168-169)
Again, there is much that I found to be helpful, especially towards the end of the book, but I disagree with his main thesis which colors much of this book.
October 18, 2012
Gospel-Powered Parenting is a very good book and should be read by parents of children of all ages. Its strengths lie in its commitment to the authority of Scripture, its commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ and its centrality, and its spot-on theological anthropology and doctrine of sin. Children are fallen and need a Savior! It amazes me that evangelical Christian parents parent as though that is not the case. Given this high recommendation, let me pass on two concerns:
1. Farley's material on gospel-fathers is very strong, but when he talks about dads as the chief-parents and mothers as assistant-parents, I think he is being needlessly provocative. Farley could have spoken to the importance of active parenting by the father without seemingly denigrating the role of the mother. I fear that this will be needlessly off-putting to the ladies. When we assign titles of priority that are not specifically used in the Bible we are opening ourselves up to criticism. I would be far more comfortable with using the biblical language of headship. But even those words bring up the question of how that works itself out in a godly manner as a father and mother attempt to raise their children, both with different but complementary roles (usually with the mother spending the majority of time with the children). I would hate for people to miss Farley's more significant points because of frustration on something like this. His teaching on the importance of fathers and his call to men to step up is excellent and could have been made without using the language of “patriarchy” (not a popular word in our culture – why not use the word “complementarian” like virtually every other evangelical, except egalitarians who use it pejoratively)?
2. Farley repeatedly makes the point that the gospel gives us all that we need to parent faithfully. I believe this to be true. But the essence of the gospel and the implications of the gospel are not the same thing and they are not as easily accessed. I know many people (in the church) who affirm the gospel to a remarkable depth who I think are making poor, or shall we say, inconsistent parenting decisions. At the least we could say that going from essence of gospel to implications of the gospel is not so easy. Farley's practical examples of how to parent are completely consistent with the gospel that is portrayed on the pages of Scripture. I wish he would have had more of them. Most Christian parents that I know need a theology of the gospel and parenting, but they also need some practical skills as well. Dot-connecting is not easy and should not be assumed.
On the same issue, Farley, like so many others today avers that we are to parent the heart of the child, not the behavior/actions. I think that sounds good, but I do not think that the two are so easily separable (e.g., parents can see behavior, we cannot see the heart so well; behaviors flow from the heart and fruit is an excellent gauge of the heart; engagement in a behavior actually hardens the heart and sears the conscience – so it is not a one-way street, etc.).
Those relatively small questions aside, if you are a parent, read this book.
1. Farley's material on gospel-fathers is very strong, but when he talks about dads as the chief-parents and mothers as assistant-parents, I think he is being needlessly provocative. Farley could have spoken to the importance of active parenting by the father without seemingly denigrating the role of the mother. I fear that this will be needlessly off-putting to the ladies. When we assign titles of priority that are not specifically used in the Bible we are opening ourselves up to criticism. I would be far more comfortable with using the biblical language of headship. But even those words bring up the question of how that works itself out in a godly manner as a father and mother attempt to raise their children, both with different but complementary roles (usually with the mother spending the majority of time with the children). I would hate for people to miss Farley's more significant points because of frustration on something like this. His teaching on the importance of fathers and his call to men to step up is excellent and could have been made without using the language of “patriarchy” (not a popular word in our culture – why not use the word “complementarian” like virtually every other evangelical, except egalitarians who use it pejoratively)?
2. Farley repeatedly makes the point that the gospel gives us all that we need to parent faithfully. I believe this to be true. But the essence of the gospel and the implications of the gospel are not the same thing and they are not as easily accessed. I know many people (in the church) who affirm the gospel to a remarkable depth who I think are making poor, or shall we say, inconsistent parenting decisions. At the least we could say that going from essence of gospel to implications of the gospel is not so easy. Farley's practical examples of how to parent are completely consistent with the gospel that is portrayed on the pages of Scripture. I wish he would have had more of them. Most Christian parents that I know need a theology of the gospel and parenting, but they also need some practical skills as well. Dot-connecting is not easy and should not be assumed.
On the same issue, Farley, like so many others today avers that we are to parent the heart of the child, not the behavior/actions. I think that sounds good, but I do not think that the two are so easily separable (e.g., parents can see behavior, we cannot see the heart so well; behaviors flow from the heart and fruit is an excellent gauge of the heart; engagement in a behavior actually hardens the heart and sears the conscience – so it is not a one-way street, etc.).
Those relatively small questions aside, if you are a parent, read this book.
November 18, 2024
There's no way that yet another Christian parenting book would complain about the lack of biblical basis behind other christian parenting books, and then go on to make an abundance of false claims with no biblical basis, right? Wrong. William P. Farley continues the tradition. From wild misinterpretation of data to outright lies, to puzzling claims that discipline must be age appropriate, while also assuming that principles about sin apply to children, and children of any age at that, to claims that fathers are more important in the teaching of children but also they shouldn't be stay at home dads because that's no masculine I guess or biblical even though he's claiming that it is true that fathers have more of an effect than mothers on the eternal destination of their children and mothers are just assistants and fathers are the main parent, but also men aren't emotional and they should be working probably so them being a stay at home dad is not what he's suggesting or whatever, this book has everything. Oh, don't forget about the random rant against Malcom X, who's politics I'm sure Farley would love if it weren't for the pesky fact that Malcom X converted to Islam. Spoiler, if Farley knew Malcom X's politics he'd clutch his pearls. Oh also, I'm just gonna jot down a funny quote:
"When a husband loves a menopausal (or pre-menstrual) wife, his behavior says, 'Christ loves the church, even when she is sinful'. His behavior tells his children, 'Christ loves his bride, even when she is unattractive.'"
Like, I genuinely don't know what he was trying to do here, I think he thought he was being woke. I think he expected readers to stand up and applaud him. The fact that he thinks his audience needs to hear the message of 'love your wife, even when she's on her period' means he has very little faith in his readers, and yet he doesn't seem to acknowledge that there is a crisis among particularly Christian men, and that they have gone down a terrifying and dark path.
I don't even have the energy to discuss his pro-hierarchy narratives, like the age old claim that the trinity is a hierarchy which is just... it's a bad and very wrong reading of the trinity. Or his homophobia or his pro patriarchy narratives.
"When a husband loves a menopausal (or pre-menstrual) wife, his behavior says, 'Christ loves the church, even when she is sinful'. His behavior tells his children, 'Christ loves his bride, even when she is unattractive.'"
Like, I genuinely don't know what he was trying to do here, I think he thought he was being woke. I think he expected readers to stand up and applaud him. The fact that he thinks his audience needs to hear the message of 'love your wife, even when she's on her period' means he has very little faith in his readers, and yet he doesn't seem to acknowledge that there is a crisis among particularly Christian men, and that they have gone down a terrifying and dark path.
I don't even have the energy to discuss his pro-hierarchy narratives, like the age old claim that the trinity is a hierarchy which is just... it's a bad and very wrong reading of the trinity. Or his homophobia or his pro patriarchy narratives.
June 2, 2017
This is the first parenting book I've as a to-be first time mom. I enjoyed the first few chapters of the book, which focused on parenting with the Gospel in mind. They were challenging. However, if you do not agree with corporal punishment as the sole means of disciplining your young child, this is not the book for you. In the notes, he states that if you are against corporal punishment, you are either rebelling against God or you are biblically illiterate. He literally states "You can't parent in Jesus' footsteps unless you use corporal punishment." He solely uses examples from the Old Testament (Proverbs) to promote corporal punishment, and does not take into consideration the amount of metaphor and symbolism used in Proverbs. You can discipline a child effectively without spanking them. I felt extremely uncomfortable reading the second half of this book.
I will recommend my husband to read the first part, though, as it has valuable insight into the structure of the family.
I will recommend my husband to read the first part, though, as it has valuable insight into the structure of the family.
April 14, 2017
A lot of really good stuff, with a few things that I found off putting. I loved that he grounds parenting in the gospel and on the fear of the Lord. I thought his chapter on discipline was helpful. But there are occasions where he comes across like if you follow these steps you will inevitably have God-fearing obedient children. The other place that I had some questions was his chapter on fathers. I appreciate that fathers play a critical role in parenting, but he says stuff like "Fathers are the chief parents. Their wives are their assistants" (p. 219). I don't find his biblical support for this very solid. Overall, I needed and have benefitted from a lot of the book, but his over-statements make me hesitant to give it a hearty recommendation.
December 17, 2011
I think better than shepherding a child's heart. Just because it's simpler to read, concentrates on the gospel more and not so intense about smacking. However there was one page that I strongly disagreed with. Bad confusion of Law and Gospel. Might have to re-read Shepherding to compare again
PS: Since first reading this I have discussed it extensively with my SIL and have come to the conlusion that the confusion of law and Gospel is too bad to recommend it.
PS: Since first reading this I have discussed it extensively with my SIL and have come to the conlusion that the confusion of law and Gospel is too bad to recommend it.
January 18, 2025
**The Bible does not require you to spank your kids! And you don’t have to make them feel like dirt every time they sin for them to want to know Jesus. Jesus Himself did not treat people like that!**
This book goes beyond what the Bible says or implies about what parenting should look like. The good in this book was so far overshadowed by the negative elements that I wholeheartedly recommend against it.
This is primarily a Reformed theology book, through a parenting lens. Okay, that’s not surprising from this publisher. But the author is more explicitly patriarchal than what I have come to expect from most of The Gospel Coalition crowd. He keeps saying that Christianity is a patriarchal religion, and his descriptions of masculinity and femininity are oversimplified and unsupported. He overemphasizes the masculinity of God without giving much biblical support. When he provides biblical proof texts, he doesn’t make thorough arguments or seriously engage opposing interpretations. His use of research seems less careful than I’d like, as he refers to a study mentioned in Touchstone Magazine that claimed fathers have more influence than mothers on whether their children will attend church as adults. (The magazine’s comments on the study are discussed rather than the study authors’ comments. If it’s the study I found, it seems to be specifically about minority populations in Switzerland. I am skeptical that its conclusions can be so widely applied.) He emphasizes throughout the book that the church must focus on fathers, and families must be centered on fathers. He repeatedly refers to mothers as “assistant” parents and treats women as secondary. And his statement about loving a menopausal wife (other reviewers have quoted it directly) is appalling and never should have gotten past an editor. To equate normal hormonal changes with sin and to imply it makes a woman harder to love is so offensive!
He claims that Christians must use corporal punishment, and he does not address any of the common arguments for why that is not what scripture means by “the rod”—instead, he provides us a nice example of the No True Scotsman fallacy by saying that most opposition to spanking comes from people’s experiences with abusive “live-in boyfriends” and stepfathers who are just doing discipline wrong. He says that “corporal punishment applied by loving, committed parents is the gospel solution” and that it should hurt. As far as I can remember, he didn’t specify what he sees as the limits, except that he acknowledges he was wrong to spank his fourteen-year-old daughter.
Yes, there are some good reminders in this book. The gospel does transform us, and relying on Jesus powers our parenting. We need Jesus, and so do our kids. The author talks about the importance of physical affection and gives some good reminders to prioritize family dinner and to teach scripture to your kids. He cautions against trying to control outcomes via method of schooling or legalistic rules. He cautions against negligent permissiveness. He reminds us that our kids see our true priorities and witness our hypocritical behavior, and we should seek the Lord for ourselves. All good things, but spoiled by the rest of the book.
This book goes beyond what the Bible says or implies about what parenting should look like. The good in this book was so far overshadowed by the negative elements that I wholeheartedly recommend against it.
This is primarily a Reformed theology book, through a parenting lens. Okay, that’s not surprising from this publisher. But the author is more explicitly patriarchal than what I have come to expect from most of The Gospel Coalition crowd. He keeps saying that Christianity is a patriarchal religion, and his descriptions of masculinity and femininity are oversimplified and unsupported. He overemphasizes the masculinity of God without giving much biblical support. When he provides biblical proof texts, he doesn’t make thorough arguments or seriously engage opposing interpretations. His use of research seems less careful than I’d like, as he refers to a study mentioned in Touchstone Magazine that claimed fathers have more influence than mothers on whether their children will attend church as adults. (The magazine’s comments on the study are discussed rather than the study authors’ comments. If it’s the study I found, it seems to be specifically about minority populations in Switzerland. I am skeptical that its conclusions can be so widely applied.) He emphasizes throughout the book that the church must focus on fathers, and families must be centered on fathers. He repeatedly refers to mothers as “assistant” parents and treats women as secondary. And his statement about loving a menopausal wife (other reviewers have quoted it directly) is appalling and never should have gotten past an editor. To equate normal hormonal changes with sin and to imply it makes a woman harder to love is so offensive!
He claims that Christians must use corporal punishment, and he does not address any of the common arguments for why that is not what scripture means by “the rod”—instead, he provides us a nice example of the No True Scotsman fallacy by saying that most opposition to spanking comes from people’s experiences with abusive “live-in boyfriends” and stepfathers who are just doing discipline wrong. He says that “corporal punishment applied by loving, committed parents is the gospel solution” and that it should hurt. As far as I can remember, he didn’t specify what he sees as the limits, except that he acknowledges he was wrong to spank his fourteen-year-old daughter.
Yes, there are some good reminders in this book. The gospel does transform us, and relying on Jesus powers our parenting. We need Jesus, and so do our kids. The author talks about the importance of physical affection and gives some good reminders to prioritize family dinner and to teach scripture to your kids. He cautions against trying to control outcomes via method of schooling or legalistic rules. He cautions against negligent permissiveness. He reminds us that our kids see our true priorities and witness our hypocritical behavior, and we should seek the Lord for ourselves. All good things, but spoiled by the rest of the book.
September 21, 2020
Worth the read. If you are looking for a book that will give you practical instruction on how to parent Sunday through Saturday, this is not the book for you. However, this book is particularly helpful as you think through the theory and desire of parenting. Farley discusses why parents should discipline, how to apply the Gospel in teaching moments, shepherding your child's heart (not just behavior) and the importance of family devotions. WARNING: This book is primarily written to fathers. Farley essentially starts the book by saying the family unit is dependent upon a father playing the role God has designed. If the father does not fill his role, the unit unravels. Therefore, most of the book is instructive toward fathers. If you're a dad, check out the book. It will help you see how to lead your family. If you're a mother, read the book to see what your husband is supposed to do.
August 14, 2024
The book is rooted in the gospel and an excellent resource for parents! It's theological first and then draws out the implications of that very well.
I can see where some of the later chapters specifically may appear to degenerate the role of the mother in a child's life. He focuses on studies and examples related to fathers almost exclusively, so I can think this might be discouraging for a mother reading this book. I think the author had the best intentions with this, and I also think everything he was saying about the father being that primary leader and figure in the home hits on an oft-forgotten point in our current age that promotes a distant Father and that's OK because the mother is at home doing the nurturing... He is battling against this and calling Father's to action! So good!
But my only criticism is I think he could have done a little more to encourage Mothers alongside this and write in a way that encouraged Father's without discouraging mothers.
Overall though this book is worth it and very very good! It changed the way I parent and lead my home for the better.
I can see where some of the later chapters specifically may appear to degenerate the role of the mother in a child's life. He focuses on studies and examples related to fathers almost exclusively, so I can think this might be discouraging for a mother reading this book. I think the author had the best intentions with this, and I also think everything he was saying about the father being that primary leader and figure in the home hits on an oft-forgotten point in our current age that promotes a distant Father and that's OK because the mother is at home doing the nurturing... He is battling against this and calling Father's to action! So good!
But my only criticism is I think he could have done a little more to encourage Mothers alongside this and write in a way that encouraged Father's without discouraging mothers.
Overall though this book is worth it and very very good! It changed the way I parent and lead my home for the better.
November 5, 2019
Excellent book on parenting which correctly starts with, and then builds upon, the gospel, the love of Christ and our relationship with Him, to be effective parents. It reminds us that we must build our marriage on Ephesians 5 to create the gospel message of grace and love for each other and for our children. The cross motivates us to be the parents that God wants us to be (including often seeking forgiveness for our failures) and to be a compelling example to our children of God's grace, love and forgiveness. Practical issues are all within this context.
November 11, 2025
Best parenting book I’ve read… full review to come.
December 20, 2013
Gospel-Powered Parenting is the first parenting book I've read so I have little to compare it to. I turned to it in a state of desperation that I think every parent feels from time to time... the 'I have no idea what I'm actually supposed to be doing here' moment. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I digress...
Tim Challies wrote an excellent review (see it here) and I promptly ordered it and read it with gusto - highlighters out and at the ready.
Farley brings parents back to the heart of the gospel not only in regards to their parenting but in their lives and marriages as well, reminding us that they are all connected. He tackles the hard truths in the bible with humility and honesty - not worrying at all about being politically correct, reminding us that we should fear God and his opinion of our parenting rather than the mothers in our play group who watch us with judging eyes.
I am convinced that the contents of this book is biblical, practical and essential - if at times a little difficult to swallow. I have begun to feel a weight lift off my shoulders as I place my failures as a parent on the grace of God and seek to follow his will through his word - knowing that I will fail and be able to model God's grace for my daughter my seeking forgiveness and trying again.
In reading this book I feel like I have not only understood my role as a mother better but also as a wife and a christian as well. I feel like I understand the cross more and have a deeper sense of the reality of it all that I hope lasts.
This is a book anyone could read, parent or not, and gain a wonderful understanding of the gospel and how we are to practically apply it to our lives.
Tim Challies wrote an excellent review (see it here) and I promptly ordered it and read it with gusto - highlighters out and at the ready.
Farley brings parents back to the heart of the gospel not only in regards to their parenting but in their lives and marriages as well, reminding us that they are all connected. He tackles the hard truths in the bible with humility and honesty - not worrying at all about being politically correct, reminding us that we should fear God and his opinion of our parenting rather than the mothers in our play group who watch us with judging eyes.
I am convinced that the contents of this book is biblical, practical and essential - if at times a little difficult to swallow. I have begun to feel a weight lift off my shoulders as I place my failures as a parent on the grace of God and seek to follow his will through his word - knowing that I will fail and be able to model God's grace for my daughter my seeking forgiveness and trying again.
In reading this book I feel like I have not only understood my role as a mother better but also as a wife and a christian as well. I feel like I understand the cross more and have a deeper sense of the reality of it all that I hope lasts.
This is a book anyone could read, parent or not, and gain a wonderful understanding of the gospel and how we are to practically apply it to our lives.
July 7, 2015
The book works from the central assumption that parents should equip their children for life NOT by “changing and controlling their environment” but by being concerned with their children’s hearts. The idea, which you can find in other parenting books as well, is that when you only control the environment, but neglect the heart, you produce kids who believe in what surveys term “moralistic therapeutic deism” rather than having true life-changing faith.
I thought the author made really strong points about how the ultimate end of parenting is not well-behaved children. It is to help your children see their own hearts and understand their need for changed hearts. In other words, it is the gospel. The gospel, Farley says “makes parents increasingly humble, consistent, and affectionate” with their kids. Rather than feeling like their worth or success is riding on their kid’s behavior, gospel-powered parents are free to love and shepherd their children without fear or panic.
I did disagree with the author on a few points, primarily in degree of emphasis and in some areas where I felt his meaning could be easily misconstrued and taken to unbiblical conclusions, but overall I found the book helpful and I think it would be interesting to discuss.
{Read my complete review on A Spirited Mind}
I thought the author made really strong points about how the ultimate end of parenting is not well-behaved children. It is to help your children see their own hearts and understand their need for changed hearts. In other words, it is the gospel. The gospel, Farley says “makes parents increasingly humble, consistent, and affectionate” with their kids. Rather than feeling like their worth or success is riding on their kid’s behavior, gospel-powered parents are free to love and shepherd their children without fear or panic.
I did disagree with the author on a few points, primarily in degree of emphasis and in some areas where I felt his meaning could be easily misconstrued and taken to unbiblical conclusions, but overall I found the book helpful and I think it would be interesting to discuss.
{Read my complete review on A Spirited Mind}
November 26, 2016
Welcome Power For Life' Delightfully Challenging Task
I'm a car guy. I like power, but as a father of six, (and grand father of fifteen), I realize I lack the power to effectively parent. Bill Farley's book was a welcome reminder of where the true strength lies -- the gospel of Jesus Christ -- and the implications of that for my parenting. This is not "three simple steps," but a deeper understanding of the nature of God's work through Christ on the cross and how His work shapes my marriage, my parenting, and my children.
Why I gave this five stars:
1. The author's honesty immediately grabbed my attention and made me want to hear what he said.
2. GPP gets to "the sin behind the sin" and the power behind the parent.
3. It helped me see the tie between the sacrifice of Christ and the times I must "die to myself" to effectively parent.
4. GPP is obviously grounded in the gospel, but also aided by the work of many others which is generously footnoted.
5. GPP will lead you to being a better spouse and help you understand how essential that is to effective parenting.
Outstanding book. It would be great to see a follow-up white paper on Gospel-Powered Parenting and the Single Parent.
I'm a car guy. I like power, but as a father of six, (and grand father of fifteen), I realize I lack the power to effectively parent. Bill Farley's book was a welcome reminder of where the true strength lies -- the gospel of Jesus Christ -- and the implications of that for my parenting. This is not "three simple steps," but a deeper understanding of the nature of God's work through Christ on the cross and how His work shapes my marriage, my parenting, and my children.
Why I gave this five stars:
1. The author's honesty immediately grabbed my attention and made me want to hear what he said.
2. GPP gets to "the sin behind the sin" and the power behind the parent.
3. It helped me see the tie between the sacrifice of Christ and the times I must "die to myself" to effectively parent.
4. GPP is obviously grounded in the gospel, but also aided by the work of many others which is generously footnoted.
5. GPP will lead you to being a better spouse and help you understand how essential that is to effective parenting.
Outstanding book. It would be great to see a follow-up white paper on Gospel-Powered Parenting and the Single Parent.
August 26, 2011
I really wish I could give this 3.5 stars.
There were some wonderful parts of the book and some really bad parts of the books.
Fortunately the meat was good: parent through the power of the gospel which means we teach our kids and can't expect church/school/etc to do our job, importance of a father's faith and presence, our marriage preaches (really good putting things together in this chapter), importance of discipline and love and that we all fail and need Christ.
Bad stuff: He needed an EDITOR, seriously typos and maybe the 'sharp edges of truth' were intentional for a mostly male audience but often what he said was offense and could have easily been left out (PMS women, the Bible says nothing to moms, stats from years ago and more)
Our SS class did this as a summer book study and some really good conversations came out but also a lot of arguing about the fluff. Some people walked away and said I know I am throwing the baby out with the bathwater but its too much for me.
Mostly a good reminder of why we do this job of parenting and how Christ is with us.
There were some wonderful parts of the book and some really bad parts of the books.
Fortunately the meat was good: parent through the power of the gospel which means we teach our kids and can't expect church/school/etc to do our job, importance of a father's faith and presence, our marriage preaches (really good putting things together in this chapter), importance of discipline and love and that we all fail and need Christ.
Bad stuff: He needed an EDITOR, seriously typos and maybe the 'sharp edges of truth' were intentional for a mostly male audience but often what he said was offense and could have easily been left out (PMS women, the Bible says nothing to moms, stats from years ago and more)
Our SS class did this as a summer book study and some really good conversations came out but also a lot of arguing about the fluff. Some people walked away and said I know I am throwing the baby out with the bathwater but its too much for me.
Mostly a good reminder of why we do this job of parenting and how Christ is with us.
September 1, 2012
I did not love the writing style, but I found the beginning of the book to be incredibly helpful in it's laying out of the gospel, of God's justice and wrath, and incredible grace. When it came to applying these principles to discipline situations the advice was nearly identical to "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and it an approach that I am not personally comfortable with. It feels to me to be a little patronizing in the way it explains why we must discipline children, plus he advocates using spanking as the primary method of discipline. I found the "practical advice" chapters on discipline limiting and out of line with my own beliefs that I have yet read the remaining few chapters. BUT all this to say that I learned a great deal in the beginning parts - I just see a disconnect in going from the gospel to his prescribed method of discipline. In my opinion, there is room biblically for natural consequences, and for discipline in love that does not require teaching the whole gospel principle every time.
January 5, 2013
I would have to say that this is probably the best book on parenting that I have ever read. I would whole-heartedly recommend this for new parents, old parents and parents in between. Farley basically does what Harvey does in When Sinners Say I Do, except he does it with parenting (i.e. they apply the gospel to marriage and parenting respectively). I love both of these books, because they are both theological and practical. I was exposed to Farley's book first when my wife and I worked through it with a young couple in our church who are expecting their first child. We were all incredibly edified and encouraged by this book, and the discussion was always fruitful thanks to the discussion guide at the end of each chapter. Probably the only negative thing I can say about Farley is that he uses some examples of how he applied the principles in his book that I thought were somewhat extreme, although my guess is that if I spoke with him he would give me some further context which would explain his examples.
May 1, 2012
Wish I could give this 3.5 stars. I really appreciated his emphasis on pointing children toward the Gospel. I also appreciated his emphasis on the importance of fathers in raising their children. However, I thought he sometimes went dangerously close to minimizing the roles of mothers ("mothers are assistants to fathers" or contending that in regards to the emotional health of children mothers play little roles). Also, I felt he was lacking in his treatment of discipline techniques. He strongly advocates corporal punishment in children under 4 or 5, but never defends his view or offers defenses/criticisms of alternatives. I don't necessarily disagree with him on this point, but felt that he was weak here.
Overall I thought it was a solid book despite some differences. This book will inspire you to love your children more and make you so very aware of your need and their need for the Gospel above all else.
January 8, 2022
I only read half. Skimmed the rest. I’m exhausted with all the discernment I needed and felt I couldn’t trust the direction he was going…. I felt this was fairly legalistic and missed the mark. It was also like the author cherry picked scripture to support his ideas when I wasn’t totally sure if that was what the text was trying to say. Also, I get that we need to see our sinfulness to know the greatness of the cross…. But after half the book, I still felt like God was so unreachable. I felt like a burden to God. If the goal of the first half of the book was to show the separation between man and God - he succeed to an extreme. I couldn’t even keep hanging to wait if he even mentioned the good news and a delight walking with the Lord through Christ. It seems like God just tolerates humans rather than loves and cares for us so tenderly even in our sin.
This book is the polar opposite of Gentle and Lowly. I decided to not finish it and put my time elsewhere.
This book is the polar opposite of Gentle and Lowly. I decided to not finish it and put my time elsewhere.
April 5, 2012
Finally a book that is not formula based, but Gospel based! This book takes the transforming power of Christ's work on the cross and applies it to parenting. Our kids need to know they are sinners who have a great Savior. It's not about raising kids who keep the rules, go to church and stay out of trouble. It's about teaching our children the transforming power of Christ's imputed righteousness to help them overcome their sin and see that it is not about what they do (performing well), but what Christ has done for them! This book helped me as a parent see my need to repent of my legalist parenting and allow God's transforming grace to help me love my kids.
December 15, 2022
Things I liked: The gospel is critical to parenting. Need grace, need to persevere in spite of parental imperfections, that both parents need to be actively involved and that you can't just send your kid to church/private school and assume that gets the job done. I appreciated that the author started and ended with gospel message as the key framework for the book
Where it went off the rails is the 2nd half of the book where Mr Farley tries to do application. He fondly cites John Piper throughout but Piper would surely shutter at Farley's wide ranging and very specific instructions for parenting that provide little biblical support. He just cherry picks a portion of a verse with no explanation to justify some conclusion he made without any real exploration of context or intent. My favorite was on page 200 he says that if both parents work then they can't love their kids. He thought about backtracking on it the very next page when he says it isn't wrong for mom to have a career but then quickly claims that if she did work, she can't love her children appropriately. Or how about the chapter where he claims that women are universally meek, timid, non-risk takers and that men are universally aggressive, competitive risk takers? He even built a table to outline these characteristics he believes are 100% true as opposed to, oh what's the word, stereotypes! Seriously could he not afford a decent book editor or did he forego one entirely? This is super damaging.
Speaking of stereotypes, there are so many but one great line towards the end of the book about how discipline means you have to do things that are difficult, he explains that this might mean dad has to interrupt watching the football game to discipline his kids or mom might have to pause preparing dinner. The subtext here and throughout the book? Men don't cook! Women don't like football! Women of course should be doing all household chores!
If only that was the end of it but it wasn't cause the hits came fast and furious in the back half of the book. Clearly Mr Farley has no idea what the word discipline means since he interchanges it with spanking as if they are a synonym. I laugh that he uses the verses about the rod as justification for hitting your kids as if the rod is a literal object and not a metaphor. And even if it was literal, it still doesn't say you take a rod and smack a kid on the butt. That is just not in the Bible, but since he is more interested in quoting 5-7 words of a passage to shoe horn into his conclusions then you won't get any critical thoughts on it. He openly talks about how the spankings related to kids playing with his razor still causes them to wince at the thought (a sign of trauma) and how the weapon he used to spank has been passed down to his daughter as if it is a precious family heirloom.
I can't tell if Farley is unintentionally dumb and naïve or if he is actively choosing to be deceitful. Over and over he hammers on the importance of fathers being present for child development citing household data around it. But could it perhaps be that the 40% of children that are born to unmarried moms or the unknown % that grow up without fathers suffer from selection bias? I.e. disproportionately might be poor or have other negative externalities factoring into that environment? No time for turning on his thinking cap here though, he wrote the conclusion of this book and worked backwards for the facts that support his thesis. And that is the crux of it. He says at the start of the book how the content of the tome is based on his experience which really sums up the problem of this book nicely. He is extrapolating his experience with his family to the entire world. The only times he takes a break from talking about his own kids is to coldly criticize other parents who handled things differently (and of course all the kids of those parents hate Jesus as adults, 100%, every single one). This book is a little man on his pedestal. He isn't leaning on the Bible for instruction or looking to learn from others, he is here to shout his world view to the masses.
This issues with this author neatly sums up what it is like to be a Christian father with a brain in 2022. It is difficult to get intelligent conversations or insights about parenting from other guys cause, like Mr. Farley, their definition of involved fatherhood is playing golf a little less often than they would like or not getting to sit on the couch all the time watching football or you are supposed to have 4+ kids or the wife isn't allowed outside the house or discipline can only mean 1 thing: spanking. It starts with the gospel but then falls off the rails with all these other assumptions and subtexts that aren't biblical but they swear up and down are on par with the holiness of God. It's sad and not gospel aligned, instead using the gospel as a shield. I hope nobody reads this book as the damage to the gospel is much greater than the positives.
If after all of this you are still thinking this guy treasures Christ above all else and his writings are of value, I would point you to his blog where he makes it explicitly clear that it is a sin to vote for a Democrat. I don't care what your politics are and neither does God. Tim Keller best communicates why a worldview like Farley's is nonsense and poison to spreading the Gospel. I'm reminded of Jesus' words that many will claim in the day of reckoning that they preached his word and did great works in his name and he will say that he never knew them. Sadly Farley is in that camp: https://williampfarley.com/is-it-a-si...
Where it went off the rails is the 2nd half of the book where Mr Farley tries to do application. He fondly cites John Piper throughout but Piper would surely shutter at Farley's wide ranging and very specific instructions for parenting that provide little biblical support. He just cherry picks a portion of a verse with no explanation to justify some conclusion he made without any real exploration of context or intent. My favorite was on page 200 he says that if both parents work then they can't love their kids. He thought about backtracking on it the very next page when he says it isn't wrong for mom to have a career but then quickly claims that if she did work, she can't love her children appropriately. Or how about the chapter where he claims that women are universally meek, timid, non-risk takers and that men are universally aggressive, competitive risk takers? He even built a table to outline these characteristics he believes are 100% true as opposed to, oh what's the word, stereotypes! Seriously could he not afford a decent book editor or did he forego one entirely? This is super damaging.
Speaking of stereotypes, there are so many but one great line towards the end of the book about how discipline means you have to do things that are difficult, he explains that this might mean dad has to interrupt watching the football game to discipline his kids or mom might have to pause preparing dinner. The subtext here and throughout the book? Men don't cook! Women don't like football! Women of course should be doing all household chores!
If only that was the end of it but it wasn't cause the hits came fast and furious in the back half of the book. Clearly Mr Farley has no idea what the word discipline means since he interchanges it with spanking as if they are a synonym. I laugh that he uses the verses about the rod as justification for hitting your kids as if the rod is a literal object and not a metaphor. And even if it was literal, it still doesn't say you take a rod and smack a kid on the butt. That is just not in the Bible, but since he is more interested in quoting 5-7 words of a passage to shoe horn into his conclusions then you won't get any critical thoughts on it. He openly talks about how the spankings related to kids playing with his razor still causes them to wince at the thought (a sign of trauma) and how the weapon he used to spank has been passed down to his daughter as if it is a precious family heirloom.
I can't tell if Farley is unintentionally dumb and naïve or if he is actively choosing to be deceitful. Over and over he hammers on the importance of fathers being present for child development citing household data around it. But could it perhaps be that the 40% of children that are born to unmarried moms or the unknown % that grow up without fathers suffer from selection bias? I.e. disproportionately might be poor or have other negative externalities factoring into that environment? No time for turning on his thinking cap here though, he wrote the conclusion of this book and worked backwards for the facts that support his thesis. And that is the crux of it. He says at the start of the book how the content of the tome is based on his experience which really sums up the problem of this book nicely. He is extrapolating his experience with his family to the entire world. The only times he takes a break from talking about his own kids is to coldly criticize other parents who handled things differently (and of course all the kids of those parents hate Jesus as adults, 100%, every single one). This book is a little man on his pedestal. He isn't leaning on the Bible for instruction or looking to learn from others, he is here to shout his world view to the masses.
This issues with this author neatly sums up what it is like to be a Christian father with a brain in 2022. It is difficult to get intelligent conversations or insights about parenting from other guys cause, like Mr. Farley, their definition of involved fatherhood is playing golf a little less often than they would like or not getting to sit on the couch all the time watching football or you are supposed to have 4+ kids or the wife isn't allowed outside the house or discipline can only mean 1 thing: spanking. It starts with the gospel but then falls off the rails with all these other assumptions and subtexts that aren't biblical but they swear up and down are on par with the holiness of God. It's sad and not gospel aligned, instead using the gospel as a shield. I hope nobody reads this book as the damage to the gospel is much greater than the positives.
If after all of this you are still thinking this guy treasures Christ above all else and his writings are of value, I would point you to his blog where he makes it explicitly clear that it is a sin to vote for a Democrat. I don't care what your politics are and neither does God. Tim Keller best communicates why a worldview like Farley's is nonsense and poison to spreading the Gospel. I'm reminded of Jesus' words that many will claim in the day of reckoning that they preached his word and did great works in his name and he will say that he never knew them. Sadly Farley is in that camp: https://williampfarley.com/is-it-a-si...
September 14, 2011
This is an excellent help for parents. It is richly shaped by the gospel and a largely "lost" but thoroughly Biblical perspective of parenting. It is also wonderfully accessible and practical. There are parts that will rightly rile folks (who need to be riled). My only knock on it is that it could have used some editing into a better over-all paradigm that would have helped readers new to Biblical parenting better see the over-all picture. Still, definitely recommend this work and am renewed in my own love, affection, and commitment to disciple my boys.
May 21, 2012
This book is not just a typical parenting book, but digs deep into scripture on the heart of parenting. The heart of your children spiritually is a huge factor in the way they respond. This book is at the top of my list for sharing with others parents. Theologically, not everyone will agree with the authors point of view, sadly though he is for the most part right on. If people took to heart and truly studied theology as well and understood doctrine it's amazing what a difference it can make in raising children and how you look at like. Great book!
March 19, 2013
This was a fine book on parenting. Farley repeatedly beat the drum that the gospel is the most important tool we have as parents, and he showed how this played out with a few examples. If I had to recommend a single book on parenting, it wouldn't be this one. (It would be Shepherding a Child's Heart.) But this isn't a bad book to have on your shelf, to consult from time to time, to remind you that our view of God and ourselves (and the saving work of Jesus) are foundational to the way we care for our children.
March 31, 2016
This was a really good book. It continually brought me back to the Gospel as my motivation for everything - parenting, teaching, disciplining, loving. At first I was frustrated because I didn't feel like it was very practical, giving me steps to follow to "be a good parent," but gradually the Lord started to show me that in order to parent according to the Gospel, I need to let the Gospel soak into and impact my heart first. If I am walking with the Lord, then everything else, including parenting will fall into place!
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