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Cuando el Amor es Odio
Profiles of men who emotionally abuse women and the women who are attracted to them are accompanied by advice for women who want to improve or terminate misogynistic relationships while increasing their self-respect, courage, and confidence
380 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1986
393 people are currently reading
8188 people want to read
About the author
Susan Forward
27 books595 followersOne of the nation’s leading therapists, as well as a best selling author, dynamic lecturer and frequent talk-show guest. In addition to her private practice, she has served as a therapist, instructor and consultant for many Southern California psychiatric and medical facilities. She is the author of the #1 New York Times best sellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents. She also hosted her own nationally syndicated program on ABC Talk Radio for six years.
from http://www.susanforward.com
from http://www.susanforward.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 208 reviews
June 24, 2012
Confronting but not hateful or angry. She writes from both her own experience and that of couples she has counselled, it EXPLAINS so much - and gently too.
A lot of these books leave me feeling as though they are "coming AT you". Insighting rage and even more pain. They have a real man hating aspect to them. The compassion that this author writes with makes turning the pages a little less difficult - even though the topic is nothing short of awful.
This book has been confronting as a mother - it has shown areas that I need to work on with my son. It has also shown me where and how I enabled my ex's behaviour, my responsibility in how I allowed this to happen, it also pointed out why it is so frightening for fathers to be this way, especially with their daughters.
I'm still reading it. Because it is confronting on so many levels, I find I have to keep putting it down and coming back to it.
It has been written with such respect for everyone involved that it allows me to still feel the love I had for the man I was with, without feeling anything more than sadness for everyone involved - no hatred or resentment, residue fear for his daughter - but there is little I can do about that for the time being.
I intend to write the author and thank her, as a mother, a "partner" and as a woman so badly wounded byt this type of relationship - you cannot heal what you will not allow yourslef to admit to. This book helps you get there without hating yourself or leaving you neck deep in humiliation.
A lot of these books leave me feeling as though they are "coming AT you". Insighting rage and even more pain. They have a real man hating aspect to them. The compassion that this author writes with makes turning the pages a little less difficult - even though the topic is nothing short of awful.
This book has been confronting as a mother - it has shown areas that I need to work on with my son. It has also shown me where and how I enabled my ex's behaviour, my responsibility in how I allowed this to happen, it also pointed out why it is so frightening for fathers to be this way, especially with their daughters.
I'm still reading it. Because it is confronting on so many levels, I find I have to keep putting it down and coming back to it.
It has been written with such respect for everyone involved that it allows me to still feel the love I had for the man I was with, without feeling anything more than sadness for everyone involved - no hatred or resentment, residue fear for his daughter - but there is little I can do about that for the time being.
I intend to write the author and thank her, as a mother, a "partner" and as a woman so badly wounded byt this type of relationship - you cannot heal what you will not allow yourslef to admit to. This book helps you get there without hating yourself or leaving you neck deep in humiliation.
October 26, 2017
My mother married (and thankfully later divorced) this kind of man (my father). Also, I have a friend my age who exclusively falls for these men and has had a lot of unecessary problems because she won't learn from her mistakes. Infatuation is more important to her than true happiness through a mature and strong bond...
After reading the first few pages I also recknognized two men who tried to win me over but I refused their advances (I always read people very well and thanks to my mother's mistake I learned a lot).
I want to read this book to see my opinion stated by a pro and maybe find a way to help my friend. If the book is as good as Forward's Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life then I'll recommend her this book or even give her a copy as a present.
*********
It's creepy and fascinating to see my progenitor basically in all of the stories.
Forward talks in one case about falling from grace. It's the moment when the perfect and idealized woman shows any kind of flaw or mistake (whether true or imagined is irrelevant) and the man will feel betrayed by the woman. How dare she change?! How dare she not be the woman he fell in love with?! She was supposed to be the one!
Well, after my parent's divorce several awful things happened. One of which I remembered while reading the book. I was maybe 11 years old and alone. It didn't matter how I uttered my anger, fear, frustration, and other negative feelings. Nobody cared. I was desperate and so I did the only thing I could: I typed my feelings into a word document. I remember it was on a very old re-re-re-re-used computer and I vented everything. It was my only outlet. The only way to express the toxicity destroying me. I think I printed the page a few times and put them in a shelf.
One day, my mother and I came back from grocery shopping and my father was in the apartment. He shouldn't have been there but since my mother had given him the key, he just invited himself in. He then proceeded to humiliate and insult me. That he had read my "letter" (it was more of a diary, so...) and was disappointed and how I dare do this to him. It was not the first or last time he called me a bad/evil child. He was the victim and I had destroyed him by expressing my anger which I had suffered from their abuse. After talking down to me for I don't know how long, he left. He had left me a letter, written on the computer, and printed out. I still have it. He said the same things as before. How I had given him hope in this evil and dark world and how I had betrayed him and how dare I. He told me that I was just as bad and full of shit as the rest of the world.
I had fallen from grace after expressing years and years of pain.
Thankfully, I knew how full of shit he was and just got angry and frustrated.
Now, years later, the best thing that could have happened is me having fallen from that stupid grace because I never had to try to be "the good daughter". In the end, being abandoned can be a blessing because if he had stayed I'm sure my family would have dealt with even more of his psychotic antics.
My progenitor is the tragic hero: every boss, every employee, heck, every person on this goddman planet is against him! He works sooo hard but everybody is sooo mean to him! Poor unfortunate soul! (Yes, think of Ursula)
I remember how my mother had to work as well, because he was, as the quote says, unstable and financially irresponsible and even if he had a job, he worked poorly. He referred to the money my mother earned as "shit" and "unworthy". But he still wanted to have every fucking dime. He spent money on alcohol, cigarattes, gambling, his affairs, and knowing him probably also on prostitutes. My mother had to buy food like a ninja, all in secrecy. Buying milk or a little bit of meat for my brother and me could very well end in berating and beatings if we weren't careful.
This seems even to me, who has lived it, absolutely unreal.
To this day I don't trust anybody who says they're absolute victims of the world and nobody ever loves them and woe them. So far, I have always been right avoiding these specimen.
After reading the first few pages I also recknognized two men who tried to win me over but I refused their advances (I always read people very well and thanks to my mother's mistake I learned a lot).
I want to read this book to see my opinion stated by a pro and maybe find a way to help my friend. If the book is as good as Forward's Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life then I'll recommend her this book or even give her a copy as a present.
*********
It's creepy and fascinating to see my progenitor basically in all of the stories.
Forward talks in one case about falling from grace. It's the moment when the perfect and idealized woman shows any kind of flaw or mistake (whether true or imagined is irrelevant) and the man will feel betrayed by the woman. How dare she change?! How dare she not be the woman he fell in love with?! She was supposed to be the one!
Well, after my parent's divorce several awful things happened. One of which I remembered while reading the book. I was maybe 11 years old and alone. It didn't matter how I uttered my anger, fear, frustration, and other negative feelings. Nobody cared. I was desperate and so I did the only thing I could: I typed my feelings into a word document. I remember it was on a very old re-re-re-re-used computer and I vented everything. It was my only outlet. The only way to express the toxicity destroying me. I think I printed the page a few times and put them in a shelf.
One day, my mother and I came back from grocery shopping and my father was in the apartment. He shouldn't have been there but since my mother had given him the key, he just invited himself in. He then proceeded to humiliate and insult me. That he had read my "letter" (it was more of a diary, so...) and was disappointed and how I dare do this to him. It was not the first or last time he called me a bad/evil child. He was the victim and I had destroyed him by expressing my anger which I had suffered from their abuse. After talking down to me for I don't know how long, he left. He had left me a letter, written on the computer, and printed out. I still have it. He said the same things as before. How I had given him hope in this evil and dark world and how I had betrayed him and how dare I. He told me that I was just as bad and full of shit as the rest of the world.
I had fallen from grace after expressing years and years of pain.
Thankfully, I knew how full of shit he was and just got angry and frustrated.
Now, years later, the best thing that could have happened is me having fallen from that stupid grace because I never had to try to be "the good daughter". In the end, being abandoned can be a blessing because if he had stayed I'm sure my family would have dealt with even more of his psychotic antics.
There are basically two types of misogynists when it comes to money issues: the "good provider", who is financially stable, and the "tragic hero", who sees himself as an innocent victim of other people's chicanery and who has an extensive history of unemployment and financial chaos; he often has to be supported by his partner. But whether the misogynist is earning most of the money, or both of you are contributing equally, or you are supporting him, he will take charge of how the money is spend!
My progenitor is the tragic hero: every boss, every employee, heck, every person on this goddman planet is against him! He works sooo hard but everybody is sooo mean to him! Poor unfortunate soul! (Yes, think of Ursula)
I remember how my mother had to work as well, because he was, as the quote says, unstable and financially irresponsible and even if he had a job, he worked poorly. He referred to the money my mother earned as "shit" and "unworthy". But he still wanted to have every fucking dime. He spent money on alcohol, cigarattes, gambling, his affairs, and knowing him probably also on prostitutes. My mother had to buy food like a ninja, all in secrecy. Buying milk or a little bit of meat for my brother and me could very well end in berating and beatings if we weren't careful.
This seems even to me, who has lived it, absolutely unreal.
To this day I don't trust anybody who says they're absolute victims of the world and nobody ever loves them and woe them. So far, I have always been right avoiding these specimen.
Read
May 7, 2011believe or not when i say i read this book because i liked somebody who i knew for 3 years and made me cry my eyes out when he left me, a broken heart can happen to any one, of any age, of any life style, Dr. Susan tell us how in a relation ship that start like sweet corn candy can end up like ugly poise apple, and u can be the worse victim on it. you feel helpless, depress, and you can real relate your self to any thing because life is empty and nothing feels right, u try to look up but down is the only path u see, the cloud are blue but dark oceans is more like to u, and how u just feel like the only person that really better to u had gone, and now u just have to learn how to live life with out them, even if u see them every day with someone else that u probably know too, makes no sense to want to fight for them because like they say " don't make someone your priority, if u are just a option to them". Dr. Susan help to live a normal life after a storm and i truly recommended this book for the broken heart.
August 14, 2024
Was in a man-hating mood but unfortch I already knew that men hate women
March 26, 2010
Helped me get out of a very abusive situation and
regain my life and self back. Not just for women.
regain my life and self back. Not just for women.
April 29, 2020
I'm slowly starting to pick up the slack with reviews for all the books I've read since this COVID-19 quarantine began. I didn't stop reading, just got behind on reviewing each book as I finished it.
This one was exactly what I was finishing as the pandemic kicked in, so I'll start chronologically. First of all, I'm a person with a very low tolerance for anything self-help, so I'm not usually the target for this kind of book. But this one managed to be completely out of the norm - in a good way. It's not preachy at all, it does not regurgitate empty encouragement 'feelgood' phrases and, most importantly, it doesn't cast a negative light on the men involved in the examples and understands them as well, with full empathy.
If I had to describe it in one word, that would be 'practical'. It's a very practical book: less interested in enabling people to vent or to assign blame and the like, but just trying to help them deal with things instead. I think it's a very good starting point for many women who are trying to make sense of their personal lives, as well as for anthropologists seeking to understand the more toxic aspects of contemporary gender relations and power dynamics.
I also liked the fact that the author addresses the long-standing misogyny and cultural bias against women from traditional psychotherapy and related fields. Unknowingly, therapists have long understood women through outdated Freud-inspired theoretical concepts and simply encouraged them to put up with toxic situations simply because their own cultural bias dictated this. It's refreshing to see more and more inside voices start to call this out.
This one was exactly what I was finishing as the pandemic kicked in, so I'll start chronologically. First of all, I'm a person with a very low tolerance for anything self-help, so I'm not usually the target for this kind of book. But this one managed to be completely out of the norm - in a good way. It's not preachy at all, it does not regurgitate empty encouragement 'feelgood' phrases and, most importantly, it doesn't cast a negative light on the men involved in the examples and understands them as well, with full empathy.
If I had to describe it in one word, that would be 'practical'. It's a very practical book: less interested in enabling people to vent or to assign blame and the like, but just trying to help them deal with things instead. I think it's a very good starting point for many women who are trying to make sense of their personal lives, as well as for anthropologists seeking to understand the more toxic aspects of contemporary gender relations and power dynamics.
I also liked the fact that the author addresses the long-standing misogyny and cultural bias against women from traditional psychotherapy and related fields. Unknowingly, therapists have long understood women through outdated Freud-inspired theoretical concepts and simply encouraged them to put up with toxic situations simply because their own cultural bias dictated this. It's refreshing to see more and more inside voices start to call this out.
July 2, 2016
I'd forgotten all about reading this book until I saw it again on goodreads.
I remember the story associated with being given it more than I remember any details of the book, but I do recall being impressed with it.
A woman who was the mother of a little girl frequently at my house (at the time) gave this book to her husband for his one and only Christmas present the month before. He handed it to me with a somewhat shell-shocked look on his face, and told me the basic fact. Even though the girl was at my house a lot, her dad was the one I would see most often, he went to Little League games, etc. I remember being surprised because he seemed like a great dad, a decent guy.
I do remember I thought a lot about the contents of this book as I was reading it, and for long after. I remember it gave me a new perspective on some issues that most couples go through at one time or another.
I remember the story associated with being given it more than I remember any details of the book, but I do recall being impressed with it.
A woman who was the mother of a little girl frequently at my house (at the time) gave this book to her husband for his one and only Christmas present the month before. He handed it to me with a somewhat shell-shocked look on his face, and told me the basic fact. Even though the girl was at my house a lot, her dad was the one I would see most often, he went to Little League games, etc. I remember being surprised because he seemed like a great dad, a decent guy.
I do remember I thought a lot about the contents of this book as I was reading it, and for long after. I remember it gave me a new perspective on some issues that most couples go through at one time or another.
November 30, 2020
“Children from high-drama households often grow up with the idea that tension is an integral part of love. Therefore, the girl who grows up in a high-drama family is an ideal partner for the charismatic, explosive misogynist. The fighting, the tension, and the drama are "normal" and familiar to her. She views the swings from despair to joy, from love to hate, from abuse to intense lovemaking as proof of love.”
― Susan Forward, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why
This is an outstanding read which I first read many years ago.
Many books that fall into the "self help" category can be dry and..sorry to say..rather boring but this book is easy to read and written with grace, intelligence and dignity.
As someone who always fell for the wrong men, I really enjoyed the book which provides a large quantity of knowledge while never sounding patronizing.
Highly recommended.
― Susan Forward, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why
This is an outstanding read which I first read many years ago.
Many books that fall into the "self help" category can be dry and..sorry to say..rather boring but this book is easy to read and written with grace, intelligence and dignity.
As someone who always fell for the wrong men, I really enjoyed the book which provides a large quantity of knowledge while never sounding patronizing.
Highly recommended.
December 2, 2009
This psychological book is not meant as a novel. Yet i read it with an eye-opening interest about why women can stay with wife-beaters, control-freaks, manipulating creeps and husbands who slowy sufficate the women who love them so much. It pushed me into the direction of wanting to help people and start counceling, which brought me to where i am today.
December 20, 2011
—Para mantenerlo feliz, ¿usted ha renunciado a personas o actividades que eran importantes en su vida?
Es un poco difícil realizar un resumen…ya ha pasado meses que leí (3 aproximadamente) pero bien dicen lo que bien se aprende no se olvida.
Este libro llegó a mi vida gracias a Osiris Vargas, una proveedora de mi trabajo con la cual llevo buenas relaciones y que me dio buenos consejos en los momentos más oportunos. Supo de mi reto y me paso el link de libro. Lo descargue, lo imprimí y manos a la obra a leer se ha dicho.
Fueron muchos sentimientos encontrados leerlo. En lo personal no me sentí para nada reflejada en ninguna de las situaciones que se describen. Pero si veía situaciones muy similares a mujeres a mi alrededor. Quería salir corriendo a pedirles que lo leyeran. Me mortifique mucho pensar como sería con el tiempo la vida de estas personas a las cuales aprecio tanto. Sentí miedo de caer también en algo así sin darme cuenta. Sin embargo aprendí que nosotros solas tenemos que darnos enfrentar el error en el que vivimos, valorarnos y solucionar juntos (con tu pareja) si todavía queda algo por que luchar.
“El amor del misógino es característicamente insaciable y exigente; no importa cuánto le des, ni a cuánto renuncies por él: nunca bastará. Jamás estará convencido de que él te importa como tú le importas a él. Inventará constantemente maneras nuevas de poner a prueba tu devoción. Es como si todas las semanas tuvieras examen final, sin poder aprobarlo jamás”
No soy la persona más indicada para hablar de relaciones en pareja ya que soy como una versión de Julia Roberts en Novia Fugitiva, en la que a la primera salgo huyendo para no salir lastimada. Dirían por ahí: “La burra no era arisca…” Sin embargo creo que debemos estar atentas a detalles que por pequeños que parecen nos indicaran situaciones que más adelante se pueden tornar más grandes y graves.
Control sobre las amistades. Sobre el tiempo, sobre el dinero, sobre la apariencia, sobre tú vestir, tú actuar y tú hablar.
“Él tiene que saber todo lo que hago. Cualquier cosa que no hable primero con él, la usa como arma para demostrar que no soy digna de confianza. Me llama tres o cuatro veces por día, no sólo a mi apartamento sino al coche patrullero, para verificar dónde estoy y con quién. Es muy molesto. Si no estoy donde él espera, me arma un escándalo. La semana pasada salí a almorzar con otra mujer policía cuando regresé me lo encontré ante mi escritorio, con la cara roja como una remolacha”.
¿Qué diferencia hay entre castigarte con los puños o con palabras?
Léanlo está online…Quiéranse mucho!!!
March 9, 2014
This book will help you discern why you are attracted to men who belittle you and who globally despise women. You will realize how you came to assume such behavior as normal, and why you are attracted to men who engage in such behavior. Why are you unconsciously convinced that you neither deserve kindness nor respect, and that rudeness or indifference are all you are worthy of? This is a wonderful self-help book for women who were taught that men should rule, and who want to enable themselves to master their lives and choose what is best for themselves, first and foremost.
April 19, 2011
Shed welcome light on a painful problem with a friend. I would highly recommend it for anyone who found themselves in a friendship or relationship with someone with emotionally abusive tendencies. Checked out a number of books on the topic and this, along with one other (also on my list) were the two best. Marked five stars mostly for the profoundly validating and clarifying effects it had on me.
December 15, 2018
Many years ago, after a first-hand experience of being in this kind of relationship, reading this book saved my life -- in as much as recognizing these kinds of men, acknowledging the power of my own needs and honoring myself, and understanding that not ALL men behave this way.
October 3, 2007
truths even if they are hard to hear! Here is strength to pull yourself up if in a relationship...and to heal and grow before your next relationship!
March 28, 2012
Gave this book to two friends who went through what I had with my ex husband. It helped both them and myself come to terms with a bad relationship. This book changed my life for the better.
May 28, 2012
This book helped to enlighten me on my situation with my ex-husband. It literally helped save my life.
April 5, 2024
O carte foarte bună și utilă despre relații toxice cu așa-numiții misogini și despre tipologia lor cât și a femeilor care sunt atrase de ei.
Mi-a plăcut mult abordarea autoarei care este psihoterapeut specializat în relațiile de cuplu și adicții. Foarte multe lucruri practice am întâlnit în cartea ei, fapt care pentru mine a diferențiat stilul de tot ce am mai citit până în prezent și a făcut-o foarte apreciată. Pe lângă terapie, Susan Forward te învață chiar cum să faci față situațiilor tensionate prin tehnici simple: practicarea unui sport pentru exprimarea furiei de exemplu sau întocmirea de liste pro și contra.
O carte pentru femei, chit că fac sau nu parte din relații nepotrivite!
Mi-a plăcut mult abordarea autoarei care este psihoterapeut specializat în relațiile de cuplu și adicții. Foarte multe lucruri practice am întâlnit în cartea ei, fapt care pentru mine a diferențiat stilul de tot ce am mai citit până în prezent și a făcut-o foarte apreciată. Pe lângă terapie, Susan Forward te învață chiar cum să faci față situațiilor tensionate prin tehnici simple: practicarea unui sport pentru exprimarea furiei de exemplu sau întocmirea de liste pro și contra.
O carte pentru femei, chit că fac sau nu parte din relații nepotrivite!
December 29, 2011
I think this book is important enough for everyone to read. I believe that you will find something that rings true to your own experience. The only thing I do not like is the seperation of experiences based on the gender of the individual. For example it may say if the Mother behaved this way then the son will react in this way. I don't believe that these experiences and results can be seperated by the gender of the parties they are much more universal than is expressed in this book.
October 3, 2015
I began reading it grudgingly because I have a thing against self-help books. But, this book is something. Enlightening, and still not preachy.
https://worncorners.wordpress.com/201...
https://worncorners.wordpress.com/201...
June 29, 2021
Es una excelente guía para ayudar a las mujeres en relaciones con hombres misóginos. Busca abrirle los ojos a la mujer maltratada, señalar las mil y un formas que puede tomar la violencia y ayudarla a recuperar la confianza en sí misma y su valor como persona para poner límites o abandonar la relación. Creo que como mujeres deberíamos leer este libro, incluso si nunca hemos vivido algo así, a modo de prevención o para saber ayudar a quienes atraviesan una situación similar, pues casos así nunca faltan.
July 30, 2010
The book is strongly aimed at female "victims" I found a lot of beneficial information regarding female childhood experiences that lead to adult-misogynistic relationships.
She offered a fair amount of solutions towards the end of the book, perhaps most poignantly the "Bill of Rights" to emotions/feelings and key catch phrases in heated moments.
I think the word "hatred" was strong and that the element of the male past/history is ignored, the book seems more "entertainment" than fact in a lot of ways.
Nonetheless I saw tremendous value in the read, especially for the layperson or woman who is feeling no self-worth. For many women it will be an eye opener and a way to get their relationships back on track if they are not in a drastically abusive relationship.
She offered a fair amount of solutions towards the end of the book, perhaps most poignantly the "Bill of Rights" to emotions/feelings and key catch phrases in heated moments.
I think the word "hatred" was strong and that the element of the male past/history is ignored, the book seems more "entertainment" than fact in a lot of ways.
Nonetheless I saw tremendous value in the read, especially for the layperson or woman who is feeling no self-worth. For many women it will be an eye opener and a way to get their relationships back on track if they are not in a drastically abusive relationship.
June 27, 2010
A great book. Anyone who is in or has ever been in a relationship with someone that they just can not seem to please should read this book. The rlationships that starts out being wonderful but now makes you feel low or your partner makes you apprehensive will finally be put into the light. The courage to help fix the situation will eventually emerge.
October 14, 2012
Very good book for women who keep choosing the wrong man. It may have to do with the fact that your own father was a woman hater!
Many insights are possible through this book & the writer's suggestions!
Many insights are possible through this book & the writer's suggestions!
May 9, 2016
Otherwise known as Malignant Narcissists, today. I still possess this little book; it validated a reality in a marriage collapsed which continued to unravel malevolent family histories for more than the next twenty years. Wow
March 8, 2010
I picked up the book as a gift for my cousin but instead I kept it. I found that it helped me find closure after my divorce.
August 14, 2012
Great book which helps those struggling in repetitive negative relationship scenarios.
September 8, 2021
Me sorprende mucho lo normalizado del tema, al punto que al leerlo pensé en media docena de hombres como los descritos en el libro. Un must.
May 6, 2018
I consider this a must read for all women as soon as possible. The author provides a good "guide" on behaviors to watch out for in relationships - both your own and your partners - so you (hopefully) don't get in too deep and can run quickly before life sucks. From my perspective, this book is geared more towards a person looking for a last ditch effort to do their part to help a relationship work better with a misogynist in the workplace, romance, and family. I read this book in e-book format, It worked ok for the majority of it, but when it comes to some of the self reflection questions or exercises, the actual book might be better. I also listened to this while I was reading "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. I felt they complemented each other well for the most part.I finished both within a day of each other, finishing this one first. I enjoyed how the author used specific relationships she worked with (say, Bill and Kathy) and gave examples throughout of each couple in different scenarios/topics. I liked being able to follow the relationships and seeing how the women in each one applied what they had learned in therapy with the author (that you learn in the book). This is a book that I will read again and recommend to my female friends the way I recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker as must reads for women.
The author gives good contrasts between a narcissist and a misogynist. Differences in their personalities/makeup matter in how you deal with them. The best advice I found in this book was watching your own behavior when things go sideways in an argument with a misogynist, being an immersed observer and listener during an argument, and a good exit plan. While most of the books and videos out there regarding difficult partners leans towards narcissists, after reading this, I can see that some people are not at the narcissist definition. I realized how easy it was to confuse someone for a narcissist vs. a misogynist, although they can overlap and be both. They are most likely a misogynist. The biggest difference between the two that I took away was the narcissist lacks empathy, while the misogynist can empathize and show caring to his partner in an unselfish way. The misogynist is definitely a Jekyll and Hyde type person, whereas (to me) the narcissist is a plain selfish asshole. As far as being an observer/listener, my personal summary of that is to observe and listen to both yourself and the misogynist during an argument. At the same time, the author suggests you look into yourself and determine how you are feeling and thinking about what is happening in the argument. Is the misogynist yelling? Insulting? Throwing things? How do their actions make you feel? What do you think? Once you can tell the difference of what you are feeling vs. thinking, it will be easier to break down you reaction to you being in control. Once you start doing it, you might even find the situation comical, as discerning helps you see how ridiculous the misogynist if behaving. The author has several exercises that might seem pointless to some, but based on the author's examples, can be helpful. The exit plan covers different considerations such as children, finances, career options, and dishonesty by not telling the misogynist anything you are planning/doing as part of that exit plan. The author does a good job cautioning about safety considerations with past/present/prospective violence. I would recommend this book for anyone who works with battered or abused women or if you, or someone you know is in an abusive situation (verbal/emotional/physical). Even if you are looking for a last ditch effort, the author does make it clear that with some misogynist partners, leaving will improve your life immensly.
The author gives good contrasts between a narcissist and a misogynist. Differences in their personalities/makeup matter in how you deal with them. The best advice I found in this book was watching your own behavior when things go sideways in an argument with a misogynist, being an immersed observer and listener during an argument, and a good exit plan. While most of the books and videos out there regarding difficult partners leans towards narcissists, after reading this, I can see that some people are not at the narcissist definition. I realized how easy it was to confuse someone for a narcissist vs. a misogynist, although they can overlap and be both. They are most likely a misogynist. The biggest difference between the two that I took away was the narcissist lacks empathy, while the misogynist can empathize and show caring to his partner in an unselfish way. The misogynist is definitely a Jekyll and Hyde type person, whereas (to me) the narcissist is a plain selfish asshole. As far as being an observer/listener, my personal summary of that is to observe and listen to both yourself and the misogynist during an argument. At the same time, the author suggests you look into yourself and determine how you are feeling and thinking about what is happening in the argument. Is the misogynist yelling? Insulting? Throwing things? How do their actions make you feel? What do you think? Once you can tell the difference of what you are feeling vs. thinking, it will be easier to break down you reaction to you being in control. Once you start doing it, you might even find the situation comical, as discerning helps you see how ridiculous the misogynist if behaving. The author has several exercises that might seem pointless to some, but based on the author's examples, can be helpful. The exit plan covers different considerations such as children, finances, career options, and dishonesty by not telling the misogynist anything you are planning/doing as part of that exit plan. The author does a good job cautioning about safety considerations with past/present/prospective violence. I would recommend this book for anyone who works with battered or abused women or if you, or someone you know is in an abusive situation (verbal/emotional/physical). Even if you are looking for a last ditch effort, the author does make it clear that with some misogynist partners, leaving will improve your life immensly.
October 26, 2017
Éste es un libro de autoayuda que básicamente habla sobre la misoginia, las mujeres que tienen relaciones con hombres misóginos y cómo llegan a darse éste tipo de relaciones. El libro se divide en dos partes; la primera titulada Los hombres que odian a las mujeres, explica cómo se da el encuentro entre dos individuos que forman esa relación disfuncional, el comportamiento y mecanismos de defensa del hombre y la mujer, el papel que cada uno juega allí y da a conocer la raíz de dicha personalidad misógina y por qué las mujeres deciden estar con tipos así.
La segunda parte titulada Mujeres que siguen amándolos, habla de como la mujer puede comenzar su recuperación personal, da directrices claras para enfrentar los comportamientos abusivos del misógino; el proceso de recuperación por el cual es importante que atraviese una mujer que haya tenido una relación con un misógino, entre otras cosas.
En general me ha parecido un libro buenísimo, muy completo y que sigue demostrando lo complejos que somos los seres humanos, una gran herramienta para el crecimiento personal, para la adquisición de conciencia con respecto a estás relaciones y aspirar a tener relaciones de pareja sanas y constructivas. Al final hay una gran bibliografía con libros muy interesantes que son afines a los temas tratados.
Un regalo que todos deberíamos de leer.
La segunda parte titulada Mujeres que siguen amándolos, habla de como la mujer puede comenzar su recuperación personal, da directrices claras para enfrentar los comportamientos abusivos del misógino; el proceso de recuperación por el cual es importante que atraviese una mujer que haya tenido una relación con un misógino, entre otras cosas.
En general me ha parecido un libro buenísimo, muy completo y que sigue demostrando lo complejos que somos los seres humanos, una gran herramienta para el crecimiento personal, para la adquisición de conciencia con respecto a estás relaciones y aspirar a tener relaciones de pareja sanas y constructivas. Al final hay una gran bibliografía con libros muy interesantes que son afines a los temas tratados.
Un regalo que todos deberíamos de leer.
July 29, 2015
The title of this book might sound a little over the top, but this is the book that undoubtedly changed my life. A very close friend gave me this book because she knew I was struggling in an abusive relationship and it took me months to get up the courage to read it. One of the worst parts of an abusive relationship is that you become totally alienated and you feel like you're the only person in the world that could be "dumb" enough to let this happen or that "no one understands." I started this book with a certain amount of skepticism (partially due to the title--lol), but before long I saw that my relationship and the struggles I was enduring were on almost every page. This was a big key to realizing that my life didn't have to be the way it was at the time and that my situation wasn't as unique as I thought it was. This book helped me to identify the cycles I didn't want to repeat and to begin to have the courage to take my daughter and leave the marriage. I have recommended this book several times to people.
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