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No Going Back
A gay teenage Mormon growing up in western Oregon in 2003. His straight best friend. Their parents. A typical LDS ward, a high-school club about tolerance for gays, and a proposed anti-gay-marriage amendment to the state constitution. In NO GOING BACK, these elements combine in a coming-of-age story about faithfulness and friendship, temptation and redemption, tough choices and conflicting loyalties.
312 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2009
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January 20, 2011
Paul is your everyday LDS (Mormon) teenager. He enjoys video games. He is an upstanding citizen on his way to earning his Eagle Scout badge. He works hard to be a good member of his teacher's quorum and be a good and faithful Christian. Paul is also gay. In a religious society where emphasis is placed on the value of family and carrying on the Lord's word to a wife and children, Paul must grapple with the idea that unless he changes, he can never have any of that. He must also face scrutiny, judgment, and ridicule in a society where he consistently receives conflicting messages about whether or not who he is as a person is morally wrong.
When I was approached to read No Going back by the author, Jonathan Langford, I was struck by just how poignant this book sounded. Having lived in Salt Lake City for more than four years and developed many LDS friends, I have come to learn a lot about the culture, the belief system and the values. I, in no way, judge what the LDS believe, but I figured this would be a fascinating read, especially with an LGBT context. Langford has created a masterpiece in No Going Back. Brimming with morals but never preachy, heartwrenching but never overdone, the story of Paul is one of valor, life, and love of belief and oneself - something everyone can relate to on some level.
There are a lot of strengths in No Going Back. The prose is real and honest - a bit too gritty and brutal at times, but it works between a male teenage MC and his friends. Paul is well-rounded and tangible, and I enjoyed the level of detail when it came to showing what Paul was attempting to reconcile with in the LDS religion. Now, that's not to say that No Going Back was without his faults. I think there were a few secondary characters like Sandy, the bishop's wife, that simply didn't ring completely true for me. She felt a bit one-sided and flat. I also wish that the time period for the book was explained better. It was important when discussing Paul's decision to vote or not vote on the issue of gay marriage.
All around though, No Going Back was a powerful, moving read with a strong message of friendship, family and tolerance. Whether religious or not, I believe everyone can find a meaning in this book, and need for a few tissues, as it's a tearjerker. I give it a very strong 4.5 out of 5, and I'd recommend it to both fans of YA and adult novels, especially those who enjoy contemporary fiction and LGBT story lines.
I received this book free of charge from the author in exchange for an honest review. This, in no way, affected by opinion or review of this book.
When I was approached to read No Going back by the author, Jonathan Langford, I was struck by just how poignant this book sounded. Having lived in Salt Lake City for more than four years and developed many LDS friends, I have come to learn a lot about the culture, the belief system and the values. I, in no way, judge what the LDS believe, but I figured this would be a fascinating read, especially with an LGBT context. Langford has created a masterpiece in No Going Back. Brimming with morals but never preachy, heartwrenching but never overdone, the story of Paul is one of valor, life, and love of belief and oneself - something everyone can relate to on some level.
There are a lot of strengths in No Going Back. The prose is real and honest - a bit too gritty and brutal at times, but it works between a male teenage MC and his friends. Paul is well-rounded and tangible, and I enjoyed the level of detail when it came to showing what Paul was attempting to reconcile with in the LDS religion. Now, that's not to say that No Going Back was without his faults. I think there were a few secondary characters like Sandy, the bishop's wife, that simply didn't ring completely true for me. She felt a bit one-sided and flat. I also wish that the time period for the book was explained better. It was important when discussing Paul's decision to vote or not vote on the issue of gay marriage.
All around though, No Going Back was a powerful, moving read with a strong message of friendship, family and tolerance. Whether religious or not, I believe everyone can find a meaning in this book, and need for a few tissues, as it's a tearjerker. I give it a very strong 4.5 out of 5, and I'd recommend it to both fans of YA and adult novels, especially those who enjoy contemporary fiction and LGBT story lines.
I received this book free of charge from the author in exchange for an honest review. This, in no way, affected by opinion or review of this book.
January 17, 2020
Favorite Quotes:
- From the church’s perspective, the really important thing s how you choose to live. Satan tries to tell us that just because we feel something, we have to act on it. The gospel is all about self-control –doing things in God’s own time and in the way God wants us to do them. Even if people have those kinds of feelings, they don’t have to act on them. (p12)
- When it came right down to it, whether you like boys or girls or both didn’t really say very much about what you did in your spare time or the kinds of music you liked or what types of jokes you laughed at. (p49)
- Knowing Paul made it harder for him to feel alarmed or concerned about the boy and his influence on Chad. (p60)
- The bishop also said that the goal was for Paul to develop long-term self-control and that if Paul did slip up he should just do his best to pick himself up and keep trying to do the right thing. (p71)
- After a minute it became clear that they would be doing the hugging thing, basically because none of the guys was willing to be the first to refuse. Paul felt like he’d just gained an uncomfortable insight into the way the world worked. (p100)
- “Why is it that boys have to joke around whenever someone wants to talk seriously about feelings?” one of the girls asked.
“Why do girls feel like they have to talk about feelings all the time?” one of the boys responded.
The girls looked surprised. The boy continued. “I mean, sure, it’s important to talk about that sort of thing sometimes. With girls, thought, it’s like you spend so much time talking about feelings that it gets in the way of just enjoying them.” (p103)
- “See, that’s the thing. I do think it’s wrong to be gay.”
“How can you say that, when you’re gay yourself?”
Paul paused, trying to think how he could explain. “Look. When you were a little kid, did you ever want something from the store? Something you didn’t have the money for?”
“Sure.”
“Did wanting it make it okay to steal it?”
“Of course not. But it’s not the same thing.”
“Why not?”
“How does being gay take something away from someone else?”
Paul thought for a moment. It all seemed a lot harder to explain than when they talked about this stuff at church. “It takes something away from me,” he finally answered.
“What’s that?”
“The person I can be if I live the way I should.” (p106)
- “The way I see it, marriage is this kind of bargain. Guys get sex, and women get help raising kids.”
“That’s awful.”
“That’s practical,” Paul replied. “Sure there’s more to it than that, but at base, that’s what it is. He felt vaguely amused that what he was saying, which seemed pretty straightforward and obvious to him, was so appalling to her. I guess girls really are more romantic about this sort of thing. “Anyway, my point is that the only reason we’re even here is because people do a lot of things that aren’t what they want to do…” (p108)
- “You committed a sin. You made a mistake. You did something that naturally makes you feel bad, because you weren’t living gup to your own standards, God’s standards. It made you feel rotten. Now Satan’s jumped on that. He’s trying to convince you that you’re garbage because you made a mistake He wants to convince you that you can’t help acting that way. He wants you to think you’re stuck. But you’re not.” (p129)
- Even if Richard had disagreed with the church’s position, he would have felt it was his duty to support it. They’re the prophets and apostles. They have the right to receive revelation for the whole church. If I don’t understand things the way they do, it means there’s something I’m missing. He honestly believed that. (p167)
- It was a good talk, Paul thought. …about how silence was part of an environment of fear and how, if people were afraid of expressing who they were it meant that bigotry and intolerance had won. She mentioned gays as an example of things society could pretend weren’t there because people were silent about them. She finished by saying, “The truth is, you don’t know who might be gay: your fiend, your neighbor, the boy or girl who sits next to you in class, the person sitting next to you in this assembly. As students, it is our choice this day to be silent, so we can all try to remember to speak more carefully, more supportively, more respectfully in the future, so that our speaking may make our world and Arcadia Heights High School a better place to be, not just for gays but for all of us as well.” (p195)
- Every group demands that we make choices. (p212)
- “So I guess you’re all in favor or personal choice, until someone makes a choice you disagree with. Is that it?” Despite the way Paul’s words sounded, he realized he wasn’t that upset. The calm sense of certainty he felt earlier was still with him, at least a little. (p218)
- Friendship’s worth more than popularity. More than having an easy time of it with the other kids. Sometime during the past few months, in the middle of all the drama with Paul, that had become really clear to him. (p223)
- I thought all that went without saying, Barbara reflected as she was putting together her shopping list. I was sure he knew without me telling him. I’m glad I decided to say it anyway. (p226)
- The she stalked out of the room, leaving Paul with the uncomfortable feeling that although he might have succeeded in his short-term goal of showing just how unhappy he was, he’d made a rather bad strategic blunder in terms of his own long-term interests. (p230)
- Sandy paused before answering. “I don’t think arguments are the worst thing that can happen in a marriage,” she said at last. “The worst thing is when two people stop talking to each other.” (p243)
- Each marriage has to be constantly reinvented, she reminded herself. What works today won’t be the same thing that works tomorrow. I think that maybe that was part of the problem all along. We weren’t thinking or talking about the way things had to change, but instead we just hoped or assumed things would go on the way they were.” (p251)
- “Every one of us labors under a burden of sin and unworthiness. Each of us is guilty before God. We all feel it. In our heart of hearts, a lot of the time we don’t really believe we can be worthy.”
He paused. The only sound was the crackling of the campfire.
“That’s why the atonement is such a miracle. It cleans us. It makes us into better people, people who want to do right, who want to be better than we are. And it makes us capable of becoming those better people.
“The change doesn’t happen all at once. It strengthens every time we pray in sincerity, each time we do something good for other people or make a right choice. The process continues throughout our lives. The miracle is that it can happen, that God will reach out to us and bring us along if we will just work with him, despite all our failings and mistakes and weaknesses.
“Each of you has weaknesses. I have my own weaknesses. Some of you have had occasion to talk to me about some of the specific weaknesses you struggle with.” Past the glare of the fire, Richard saw small winces from several of the boys, including a couple where he wasn’t expecting it. He made a mental note to try to talk to those particular boys sometime in the next few weeks.
“What I’m here to tell you tonight is that all that doesn’t matter as long as you keep working with God to get past those weaknesses. The Lord told Moroni, ‘I give unto men weaknesses so that they may be humble.’ He wants us to come unto him. He wants us to see the path. He wants us to walk the path with him. The pits and snares and potholes we have to past aren’t the important part.”
Richard waited to make sure the point had sunk in, then continued. “The other things that knowing we’re all sinners, knowing we’re all guilty and none of us is perfect, means that none of us gets to judge anyone else either.”
Richard looked around the fire again. Paul was looking at him, as were Alan and Brother Williams. The others were staring at their feet or at the fire.
“Some of you know about the challenges that some of the rest of you face. Some of those challenges are things that maybe you think are strange or that maybe make you feel uncomfortable. The point is that we don’t get to judge other people’s weaknesses. God judges you. You don’t get to judge anybody else. When it comes to other people’s sins and other people’s guilt, you have only one responsibility Can anyone tell me what that is?”
Richard looked around the campfire. To his surprise, Alan raised his hand. Richard was impressed. A kid who actually volunteers an answer in a heavy-duty discussion.
He nodded in the boy’s direction.
“To, uh, help the person, I guess.”
Richard nodded again. “That’s right. You help the person in whatever way you can, and you make sure you’re not standing in the way of that person repenting and improving. That means you don’t make fun of someone because of the challenge that person faces. You don’t avoid the person, and you try to be a good friend and not make things harder for that person in any way. Especially, as priesthood holders you have a responsibility to help your fellow quorum members when they’re facing challenges. I hope you all will do that.” (p256-258)
- It’s not my job to help other people develop charity toward me. My job is to have charity toward them. That’s enough. (p279)
- Sometimes it was inconvenient having the kind of mind that insisted on searching for alternative explanations for everything. Especially when those explanations suggested uncomfortable possibilities about herself. (p 287)
- From the church’s perspective, the really important thing s how you choose to live. Satan tries to tell us that just because we feel something, we have to act on it. The gospel is all about self-control –doing things in God’s own time and in the way God wants us to do them. Even if people have those kinds of feelings, they don’t have to act on them. (p12)
- When it came right down to it, whether you like boys or girls or both didn’t really say very much about what you did in your spare time or the kinds of music you liked or what types of jokes you laughed at. (p49)
- Knowing Paul made it harder for him to feel alarmed or concerned about the boy and his influence on Chad. (p60)
- The bishop also said that the goal was for Paul to develop long-term self-control and that if Paul did slip up he should just do his best to pick himself up and keep trying to do the right thing. (p71)
- After a minute it became clear that they would be doing the hugging thing, basically because none of the guys was willing to be the first to refuse. Paul felt like he’d just gained an uncomfortable insight into the way the world worked. (p100)
- “Why is it that boys have to joke around whenever someone wants to talk seriously about feelings?” one of the girls asked.
“Why do girls feel like they have to talk about feelings all the time?” one of the boys responded.
The girls looked surprised. The boy continued. “I mean, sure, it’s important to talk about that sort of thing sometimes. With girls, thought, it’s like you spend so much time talking about feelings that it gets in the way of just enjoying them.” (p103)
- “See, that’s the thing. I do think it’s wrong to be gay.”
“How can you say that, when you’re gay yourself?”
Paul paused, trying to think how he could explain. “Look. When you were a little kid, did you ever want something from the store? Something you didn’t have the money for?”
“Sure.”
“Did wanting it make it okay to steal it?”
“Of course not. But it’s not the same thing.”
“Why not?”
“How does being gay take something away from someone else?”
Paul thought for a moment. It all seemed a lot harder to explain than when they talked about this stuff at church. “It takes something away from me,” he finally answered.
“What’s that?”
“The person I can be if I live the way I should.” (p106)
- “The way I see it, marriage is this kind of bargain. Guys get sex, and women get help raising kids.”
“That’s awful.”
“That’s practical,” Paul replied. “Sure there’s more to it than that, but at base, that’s what it is. He felt vaguely amused that what he was saying, which seemed pretty straightforward and obvious to him, was so appalling to her. I guess girls really are more romantic about this sort of thing. “Anyway, my point is that the only reason we’re even here is because people do a lot of things that aren’t what they want to do…” (p108)
- “You committed a sin. You made a mistake. You did something that naturally makes you feel bad, because you weren’t living gup to your own standards, God’s standards. It made you feel rotten. Now Satan’s jumped on that. He’s trying to convince you that you’re garbage because you made a mistake He wants to convince you that you can’t help acting that way. He wants you to think you’re stuck. But you’re not.” (p129)
- Even if Richard had disagreed with the church’s position, he would have felt it was his duty to support it. They’re the prophets and apostles. They have the right to receive revelation for the whole church. If I don’t understand things the way they do, it means there’s something I’m missing. He honestly believed that. (p167)
- It was a good talk, Paul thought. …about how silence was part of an environment of fear and how, if people were afraid of expressing who they were it meant that bigotry and intolerance had won. She mentioned gays as an example of things society could pretend weren’t there because people were silent about them. She finished by saying, “The truth is, you don’t know who might be gay: your fiend, your neighbor, the boy or girl who sits next to you in class, the person sitting next to you in this assembly. As students, it is our choice this day to be silent, so we can all try to remember to speak more carefully, more supportively, more respectfully in the future, so that our speaking may make our world and Arcadia Heights High School a better place to be, not just for gays but for all of us as well.” (p195)
- Every group demands that we make choices. (p212)
- “So I guess you’re all in favor or personal choice, until someone makes a choice you disagree with. Is that it?” Despite the way Paul’s words sounded, he realized he wasn’t that upset. The calm sense of certainty he felt earlier was still with him, at least a little. (p218)
- Friendship’s worth more than popularity. More than having an easy time of it with the other kids. Sometime during the past few months, in the middle of all the drama with Paul, that had become really clear to him. (p223)
- I thought all that went without saying, Barbara reflected as she was putting together her shopping list. I was sure he knew without me telling him. I’m glad I decided to say it anyway. (p226)
- The she stalked out of the room, leaving Paul with the uncomfortable feeling that although he might have succeeded in his short-term goal of showing just how unhappy he was, he’d made a rather bad strategic blunder in terms of his own long-term interests. (p230)
- Sandy paused before answering. “I don’t think arguments are the worst thing that can happen in a marriage,” she said at last. “The worst thing is when two people stop talking to each other.” (p243)
- Each marriage has to be constantly reinvented, she reminded herself. What works today won’t be the same thing that works tomorrow. I think that maybe that was part of the problem all along. We weren’t thinking or talking about the way things had to change, but instead we just hoped or assumed things would go on the way they were.” (p251)
- “Every one of us labors under a burden of sin and unworthiness. Each of us is guilty before God. We all feel it. In our heart of hearts, a lot of the time we don’t really believe we can be worthy.”
He paused. The only sound was the crackling of the campfire.
“That’s why the atonement is such a miracle. It cleans us. It makes us into better people, people who want to do right, who want to be better than we are. And it makes us capable of becoming those better people.
“The change doesn’t happen all at once. It strengthens every time we pray in sincerity, each time we do something good for other people or make a right choice. The process continues throughout our lives. The miracle is that it can happen, that God will reach out to us and bring us along if we will just work with him, despite all our failings and mistakes and weaknesses.
“Each of you has weaknesses. I have my own weaknesses. Some of you have had occasion to talk to me about some of the specific weaknesses you struggle with.” Past the glare of the fire, Richard saw small winces from several of the boys, including a couple where he wasn’t expecting it. He made a mental note to try to talk to those particular boys sometime in the next few weeks.
“What I’m here to tell you tonight is that all that doesn’t matter as long as you keep working with God to get past those weaknesses. The Lord told Moroni, ‘I give unto men weaknesses so that they may be humble.’ He wants us to come unto him. He wants us to see the path. He wants us to walk the path with him. The pits and snares and potholes we have to past aren’t the important part.”
Richard waited to make sure the point had sunk in, then continued. “The other things that knowing we’re all sinners, knowing we’re all guilty and none of us is perfect, means that none of us gets to judge anyone else either.”
Richard looked around the fire again. Paul was looking at him, as were Alan and Brother Williams. The others were staring at their feet or at the fire.
“Some of you know about the challenges that some of the rest of you face. Some of those challenges are things that maybe you think are strange or that maybe make you feel uncomfortable. The point is that we don’t get to judge other people’s weaknesses. God judges you. You don’t get to judge anybody else. When it comes to other people’s sins and other people’s guilt, you have only one responsibility Can anyone tell me what that is?”
Richard looked around the campfire. To his surprise, Alan raised his hand. Richard was impressed. A kid who actually volunteers an answer in a heavy-duty discussion.
He nodded in the boy’s direction.
“To, uh, help the person, I guess.”
Richard nodded again. “That’s right. You help the person in whatever way you can, and you make sure you’re not standing in the way of that person repenting and improving. That means you don’t make fun of someone because of the challenge that person faces. You don’t avoid the person, and you try to be a good friend and not make things harder for that person in any way. Especially, as priesthood holders you have a responsibility to help your fellow quorum members when they’re facing challenges. I hope you all will do that.” (p256-258)
- It’s not my job to help other people develop charity toward me. My job is to have charity toward them. That’s enough. (p279)
- Sometimes it was inconvenient having the kind of mind that insisted on searching for alternative explanations for everything. Especially when those explanations suggested uncomfortable possibilities about herself. (p 287)
January 26, 2010
This 2009 novel from Zarahemla Books of Provo, Utah, has been the subject of much on-line reviewing and discussion because it tackles in an honest, no-holds-barred fashion the uncomfortable subject of a young man who is dealing with the full-blown trauma that comes from being both gay and Mormon. The minute he admits to himself, then to his best friend Chad Mortensen, to his mom and to his bishop (Chad’s dad) that he is gay, 15-year-old Paul Flitkin knows he has a long, difficult road ahead of him. Although these three people try gamely to understand Paul’s feelings and to show him love and support, it is clear this bright, sensitive young man will always be between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Paul desperately wants to remain active in his ward in Arcadia Heights in western Oregon, and even plan for a mission, education at BYU, marriage and children. But even though this story takes place in 2003-2004, when (one would think) attitudes towards gays are a little more enlightened, the homophobia Paul encounters at every turn—including among his own peers in his ward, the council that reviews his Eagle Scout application, and, eventually, from his own absentee father-- is heart-wrenching. Equally difficult is Paul’s involvement in the Gay-Straight Alliance at his high school where he goes hoping to meet kids who will be more understanding of his dilemma. However, he ends up unsuccessfully defending his LDS beliefs to kids who only think he is denying who he really is by trying to stay true to the exacting standards of his church. “Pretty piss-poor religion if it teaches you you’re a bad person just because of something you can’t control,” observes one friend at the GSA (208). Conversely, the kids in his Sunday School class mercilessly trash gays, even while suspecting that Paul, who is sitting right next to them, is of that orientation. An ill-advised intimate encounter with a another gay boy sends Paul back to the bishop and through the repentance process, but he remains sufficiently chaste to be ordained a priest when he turns 16 and receive his patriarchal blessing (which, to his dismay, contains nothing about marriage and children in his future). Clearly, Paul is tormented by conflicting loyalties and will find it increasingly difficult to straddle the fence between his sexual feelings and his desire follow the strict rules of conduct and self-control that Bishop Mortensen has set out for him. In addition, this novel includes a subplot about the tensions in the marriage of the sincere, nice-guy bishop and his cantankerous, unfulfilled wife, Sandy (who, at one point forbids Chad to see Paul ever again, claiming the “homosexuality is evil” [90:]). At one point, Sandy gets involved in the political movement to overturn Oregon’s status to allow gays to marry legally before she eventually mellows. Finally, she gains an understanding of the importance of the friendship between her son and Paul. “Sandy had realized that standing by your friend when the chips were down was simply one of those things that boys had to learn in order to become decent men” (250). Jonathan Langford’s writing style is down-to-earth and honest. Much of the story is told through dialogue for which the author seems to have a particularly good ear. The conversations between Paul and Chad ring true with a lot of sarcasm, put-downs, arm-punching, and expressions like “Duh” and “Sucks to be you.” And don’t look for G-rated language in this novel, which would be completely unconvincing given the characters and plot. This novel is all it purports to be—gritty, brutally honest, and disturbing, while still tender and sensitive. One of the most moving parts of the book is the speech in fast and testimony meeting by an old German convert who tells how he lost a a beloved uncle in a concentration camp just because that uncle was a homosexual. What that old German man says about how we should treat gays is the crux of this whole novel. My heart aches for Paul and real-life men and women like him. But, as Langford suggests, there is really nothing to be done at this point about the pain that shatters them to their very core.
December 12, 2010
I was very hesitant to read this book when the author first asked me as it really isn't the kind of book I read a lot. I am so glad I took the chance! This was an emotional book! My heart broke for Paul so many times as he put up with hate for being gay, for being Mormon, for being both. After Paul tells his best friend, Chad, that he is gay, Chad is angry and stays away from Paul. I hurt for him whilel he tried to find his way without his best friend for a litttle while.
I really liked how the story was told in different views. I really enjoyed reading it from Paul's point of view but my favorite was reading from the Bishop's point of view. His point of view was obviously more grown up and flowed better but Paul's point of view telling was also very direct and honest. It was very real-to-life for a teenage boy.
My only complaint was that I didn't really like Sandy's (the Bishop's wife) little sub-story. I felt that it was not at all necessary and just added to bogging down Paul's story a little. The book could have totally gotten rid of that part and it would have been great.
I am not Mormon myself (although I have a lot of Mormon friends) but I did not feel that this in any way made a difference. I do not know a lot about the Mormon religion but didn't find anything to be confusing or hard to read however I cannot say how accurately it portray the Mormon religion. I do think anyone could pick up this book and learn from it. It was a very direct and honest view of how people treat others who we deem "different".
I think this is a book every adult should read. It is not an easy read or even a fast read but a very emotional and honest read.
I really liked how the story was told in different views. I really enjoyed reading it from Paul's point of view but my favorite was reading from the Bishop's point of view. His point of view was obviously more grown up and flowed better but Paul's point of view telling was also very direct and honest. It was very real-to-life for a teenage boy.
My only complaint was that I didn't really like Sandy's (the Bishop's wife) little sub-story. I felt that it was not at all necessary and just added to bogging down Paul's story a little. The book could have totally gotten rid of that part and it would have been great.
I am not Mormon myself (although I have a lot of Mormon friends) but I did not feel that this in any way made a difference. I do not know a lot about the Mormon religion but didn't find anything to be confusing or hard to read however I cannot say how accurately it portray the Mormon religion. I do think anyone could pick up this book and learn from it. It was a very direct and honest view of how people treat others who we deem "different".
I think this is a book every adult should read. It is not an easy read or even a fast read but a very emotional and honest read.
May 14, 2011
I found myself reflecting on Paul's struggles. About being gay and trying to be faithful. About trying to adhere to a faith while at the same time having members of that faith turn on you. I liked the book for what it evaluates. I was somewhat disappointed that so much is unresolved at the end of the book, but then I realized that the ending is appropriate since the Mormon church remains conflicted about the whole issue. I would like to see another novel continuing Paul's story.
March 8, 2011
Another book I went into expecting to despise. It's actually not bad. I hated the language - it's pretty atrocious, especially for an LDS author.
I loved Sandy's character. I loved her feelings about motherhood because hello, that is how I feel every single day. Go Sandy. Rock on.
No Going Back is worth a read, but be aware that the teenager-ness gets a little obnoxious and yeah the language drove me crazy. Technically only a few swear words, but lots of "fag" etc thrown around.
I loved Sandy's character. I loved her feelings about motherhood because hello, that is how I feel every single day. Go Sandy. Rock on.
No Going Back is worth a read, but be aware that the teenager-ness gets a little obnoxious and yeah the language drove me crazy. Technically only a few swear words, but lots of "fag" etc thrown around.
September 18, 2010
*Technically not a Utah author, but STRONG ties to Utah and it's LDS fiction, so I'm connecting it.
Found this to be an absolutely brilliant portrayal. Could have used a little tightening up, but the character development was really great. Full review on my blog Monday.
Found this to be an absolutely brilliant portrayal. Could have used a little tightening up, but the character development was really great. Full review on my blog Monday.
May 21, 2019
Interesting coming of age novel about a teenager torn between his Mormon religion and awareness that he's gay. There are maybe too many viewpoint shifts, and I didn't find the ending very satisfying--but I doubt it was supposed to be.
December 28, 2019
An extremely difficult subject, one with no clear answers. I think every member of the LDS Church - regardless of their current opinions on homosexuality - ought to read this book.
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November 24, 2025I'm not going to give this one a star rating because I can't give it the number of stars I'd like to give it. I was an acquaintance of Mr. Langford back in the mid 1980s as a member of the science fiction club Quark at BYU. I am sad to know that he unexpectedly passed away years ago. He was one of that group of people who helped me realize it can be interesting (in a good way, perhaps even cool) to be different (dare I say weird).
This book is ahead of its time. The author addresses many complicated feelings and situations about people who are gay and those who surround them. The conversation about people who identify as LGBTQ has continued to evolve since Langford wrote this book. Among people who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, things are better now in some ways-- overall people seem more supportive, more loving, and less judgmental-- but some of the same kinds of problems and judgments still exist. Maybe in some ways it's worse because of the extreme political polarization and enmity that surrounds social issues.
It is easy to empathize with the main character, Paul. The author does a good job showing some of the complexity he experiences. The injustices and cruelties he endures are infuriating. It's clearly ridiculous how anyone would dwell on a teenager's sexuality when there is so much more to a person's development and identity. I'm not trying to minimize the difficulty it must be for some people of faith who experience same-gender attraction. I am grateful for people who are willing to support, accept, and speak up for others.
I am so glad the Church is no longer involved in Boy Scouts!!!!! That scouting problem in the book upset me the most.
I'm not sure the book would help someone who is LGBTQ, but it might help religious parents and associates have more empathy and understanding.
I only have a few complaints about this book:
The dialog is distracting sometimes. I don't know that trying to make teenagers sound like teenagers has translated almost twenty years later. Did people really speak like that? Also, when the German brother shares his testimony, writing the dialog in his accent is a little disturbing and feels a bit too stereotypical, almost like it's making fun of it.
There's way too much information and sharing of feelings about other more minor characters. The book isn't about Chad's parents, but there sure is a lot about them as individuals as well as about their personal relationship. It makes the book longer than necessary and distracts from the message. The author needs to know those things, but the reader doesn't need to know as much as is shared.
I'm glad I read the book. It's quite bold for its time. It got me thinking. I am also wondering, if Mr. Langford was still with us, if he might write about the subject a bit differently.
This book is ahead of its time. The author addresses many complicated feelings and situations about people who are gay and those who surround them. The conversation about people who identify as LGBTQ has continued to evolve since Langford wrote this book. Among people who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, things are better now in some ways-- overall people seem more supportive, more loving, and less judgmental-- but some of the same kinds of problems and judgments still exist. Maybe in some ways it's worse because of the extreme political polarization and enmity that surrounds social issues.
It is easy to empathize with the main character, Paul. The author does a good job showing some of the complexity he experiences. The injustices and cruelties he endures are infuriating. It's clearly ridiculous how anyone would dwell on a teenager's sexuality when there is so much more to a person's development and identity. I'm not trying to minimize the difficulty it must be for some people of faith who experience same-gender attraction. I am grateful for people who are willing to support, accept, and speak up for others.
I am so glad the Church is no longer involved in Boy Scouts!!!!! That scouting problem in the book upset me the most.
I'm not sure the book would help someone who is LGBTQ, but it might help religious parents and associates have more empathy and understanding.
I only have a few complaints about this book:
The dialog is distracting sometimes. I don't know that trying to make teenagers sound like teenagers has translated almost twenty years later. Did people really speak like that? Also, when the German brother shares his testimony, writing the dialog in his accent is a little disturbing and feels a bit too stereotypical, almost like it's making fun of it.
There's way too much information and sharing of feelings about other more minor characters. The book isn't about Chad's parents, but there sure is a lot about them as individuals as well as about their personal relationship. It makes the book longer than necessary and distracts from the message. The author needs to know those things, but the reader doesn't need to know as much as is shared.
I'm glad I read the book. It's quite bold for its time. It got me thinking. I am also wondering, if Mr. Langford was still with us, if he might write about the subject a bit differently.
August 12, 2018
This is one of 15 or 20 books I picked up from the sales tables at Benchmark Books at the Sunstone symposium a couple of weeks ago (July 2018).
I've been interested in Mormon fiction for a long time. This novel is a bit unusual compared to many of the others I have read over the years in that it reads like a young adult novel. Ordinarily, I wouldn't be that interested in a book like that, but I enjoyed the authentic feel the book had in describing a Mormon ward outside of Utah.
Plus the book addresses a very important issue, namely what options LGBT people have for dealing with a religion which tells them that the feelings they have are wrong and that they should be denied or, as they put it, “not acted on”. I think the book asks a lot of useful questions even if it is a little bit too biased on the church side.
I recommend this book for young adult readers and those adults who deal with young adults on a regular basis, particularly if they are Mormon. But my guess is that there are probably better books out there.
I've been interested in Mormon fiction for a long time. This novel is a bit unusual compared to many of the others I have read over the years in that it reads like a young adult novel. Ordinarily, I wouldn't be that interested in a book like that, but I enjoyed the authentic feel the book had in describing a Mormon ward outside of Utah.
Plus the book addresses a very important issue, namely what options LGBT people have for dealing with a religion which tells them that the feelings they have are wrong and that they should be denied or, as they put it, “not acted on”. I think the book asks a lot of useful questions even if it is a little bit too biased on the church side.
I recommend this book for young adult readers and those adults who deal with young adults on a regular basis, particularly if they are Mormon. But my guess is that there are probably better books out there.
May 4, 2010
This is my off-the-cuff, "first impressions" review for No Going Back, as opposed to the more in-depth review that I'll write once I've finished the last six books (if the Whitneys were a marathon, I'd be at the "hitting the wall" point of reading now), so this is the best I can do until the last page is turned.
As I think of what it means to be a Mormon writer, the thing I keep coming back to is writing about religion and culture in a meaningful way. Yes, of course there can be writers who are Mormons who write about things other than their religious experiences, but I relish reading books by Mormon writers, writing about Mormon experiences.
According to that definition, No Going Back is a very Mormon book. Paul is fifteen, working toward his Eagle Scout award, a good kid, a seminary attendee, a faithful member of his teachers' quorum, a normal kind of guy who likes chips and salsa and Super Smash Bros Melee. He's also gay. Just before the beginning of his sophomore year, he comes out to his best friend, Chad, his bishop's son. Chad is surprised and freaked out by the revelation, which sets off a whole year of Paul trying to reconcile his desire to be a good member of the church, to be a boy who wants to go on a mission and raise a family, with the undeniable fact that he'll always be attracted to guys instead of girls. It's a hard year for Paul as he finds prejudice and gossip and opposition within both the church community and the gay community at his high school.
There were things about No Going Back that bugged me. The way that Paul sees the world around him understandably changes during the year chronicled in the book, and we also see a paradigm shift in the viewpoint of Richard, Paul's bishop and Chad's dad. When Paul comes to him to tell him that he's gay, Richard seems unsure of how to handle the news, hesitant about whether he's being too hard-line or going too soft. I liked the dialogue between Richard and Paul and their relationship, especially as it related to Chad. But there's a whole side story going on in the book where Sandy, Richard's wife, has a hard time accepting Richard's calling as the bishop and the time it requires him to be gone from the family. While I always tend to roll my eyes at the "and she never complained" saintism that's often attributed to the wives of our leaders, and I appreciated that Langford showed that Sandy felt resentful of the calling, it almost felt like that aspect of the story deserved its own place, instead of lumping it in with the main narrative. It didn't add to Paul's story at all and felt distracting. Furthermore, the book is set in 2003/2004 in Oregon, during which time a referendum about gay marriage was taking place in the state. For all of the intentional setting during that time period (instead of making the book just in the more nebulous "present time") it feels like Langford doesn't do enough to establish the effect of the campaigning and the voting on Paul's experience. I kept expecting something to happen between Paul and Sandy after Sandy decided to work on getting people to sign petitions against gay marriage, but it never happens. Langford also tends to focus a little bit too much on some of the "setting the scene" details that could have been left out. He mentions chips and salsa a lot, then names of specific video games more times than I can count, and goes on an extended talk about the merits of Creed vs. other bands of 2003 that I kept expecting to come back into the narrative somewhere but it didn't.
For all of the minor criticisms, I still really liked the book. In so many of the books I've read for the awards so far, the Mormon characters seem sanitized, as if they've undergone a good, hot scrubbing before being sent off from central casting. Langford's Mormons are the Mormons I know: they're crusty, they complain about their husbands' callings, they swear, they get depressed, they gossip; they're not trying to make a statement about who Mormons are or should be, they just are. I'm sure that some readers will look at the book, and if they're not put off by the idea of reading about a faithful gay Mormon teenager, then they'll be put off by the other characters and their faults. But I thought that was the best part of the book.
When I read No Going Back, I guess I was doing a little bit of worrying about how we come as Mormons come off in the novel too, but not because Chad has to bite his tongue so he doesn't say the f-word. Instead, I know that No Going Back is eventually going to be seen as a product of a time. It's a book that's relevant today, but I'm not sure how relevant it will be in ten or twenty or fifty years. I cringed when Richard talked to Charles, his father-in-law, about Paul's situation, because I was embarrassed to be associated with the thinly-veiled homophobia Charles spouted. Langford doesn't shrink from showing the potentially embarrassing and damaging things we do and say to each other in the church as a result of our church's stand on homosexuality. No Going Back touched a nerve with me, and I'm sure it will touch a nerve with all of its readers, no matter where they fall in their relationship to homosexuality and church policy. But sometimes touching a nerve is a good thing, as I think it is in the case of this novel.
As I think of what it means to be a Mormon writer, the thing I keep coming back to is writing about religion and culture in a meaningful way. Yes, of course there can be writers who are Mormons who write about things other than their religious experiences, but I relish reading books by Mormon writers, writing about Mormon experiences.
According to that definition, No Going Back is a very Mormon book. Paul is fifteen, working toward his Eagle Scout award, a good kid, a seminary attendee, a faithful member of his teachers' quorum, a normal kind of guy who likes chips and salsa and Super Smash Bros Melee. He's also gay. Just before the beginning of his sophomore year, he comes out to his best friend, Chad, his bishop's son. Chad is surprised and freaked out by the revelation, which sets off a whole year of Paul trying to reconcile his desire to be a good member of the church, to be a boy who wants to go on a mission and raise a family, with the undeniable fact that he'll always be attracted to guys instead of girls. It's a hard year for Paul as he finds prejudice and gossip and opposition within both the church community and the gay community at his high school.
There were things about No Going Back that bugged me. The way that Paul sees the world around him understandably changes during the year chronicled in the book, and we also see a paradigm shift in the viewpoint of Richard, Paul's bishop and Chad's dad. When Paul comes to him to tell him that he's gay, Richard seems unsure of how to handle the news, hesitant about whether he's being too hard-line or going too soft. I liked the dialogue between Richard and Paul and their relationship, especially as it related to Chad. But there's a whole side story going on in the book where Sandy, Richard's wife, has a hard time accepting Richard's calling as the bishop and the time it requires him to be gone from the family. While I always tend to roll my eyes at the "and she never complained" saintism that's often attributed to the wives of our leaders, and I appreciated that Langford showed that Sandy felt resentful of the calling, it almost felt like that aspect of the story deserved its own place, instead of lumping it in with the main narrative. It didn't add to Paul's story at all and felt distracting. Furthermore, the book is set in 2003/2004 in Oregon, during which time a referendum about gay marriage was taking place in the state. For all of the intentional setting during that time period (instead of making the book just in the more nebulous "present time") it feels like Langford doesn't do enough to establish the effect of the campaigning and the voting on Paul's experience. I kept expecting something to happen between Paul and Sandy after Sandy decided to work on getting people to sign petitions against gay marriage, but it never happens. Langford also tends to focus a little bit too much on some of the "setting the scene" details that could have been left out. He mentions chips and salsa a lot, then names of specific video games more times than I can count, and goes on an extended talk about the merits of Creed vs. other bands of 2003 that I kept expecting to come back into the narrative somewhere but it didn't.
For all of the minor criticisms, I still really liked the book. In so many of the books I've read for the awards so far, the Mormon characters seem sanitized, as if they've undergone a good, hot scrubbing before being sent off from central casting. Langford's Mormons are the Mormons I know: they're crusty, they complain about their husbands' callings, they swear, they get depressed, they gossip; they're not trying to make a statement about who Mormons are or should be, they just are. I'm sure that some readers will look at the book, and if they're not put off by the idea of reading about a faithful gay Mormon teenager, then they'll be put off by the other characters and their faults. But I thought that was the best part of the book.
When I read No Going Back, I guess I was doing a little bit of worrying about how we come as Mormons come off in the novel too, but not because Chad has to bite his tongue so he doesn't say the f-word. Instead, I know that No Going Back is eventually going to be seen as a product of a time. It's a book that's relevant today, but I'm not sure how relevant it will be in ten or twenty or fifty years. I cringed when Richard talked to Charles, his father-in-law, about Paul's situation, because I was embarrassed to be associated with the thinly-veiled homophobia Charles spouted. Langford doesn't shrink from showing the potentially embarrassing and damaging things we do and say to each other in the church as a result of our church's stand on homosexuality. No Going Back touched a nerve with me, and I'm sure it will touch a nerve with all of its readers, no matter where they fall in their relationship to homosexuality and church policy. But sometimes touching a nerve is a good thing, as I think it is in the case of this novel.
April 5, 2019
I appreciate what this author is trying to say, but I just can’t read any more. It isn’t the topic, I knew what it was about going in. It just isn’t well written and does not grab me and pull me in, nor does it make me feel sympathy toward any of the characters. So I’m moving on.
March 24, 2011
No Going Back is a brutal, raw, honest look at the difficulties faced by a gay Mormon teenager. Paul is a great kid. Quiet, obedient, a little nerdy, funny. He's the kind of kid that parents hold up as an example. He is an active member of the Mormon church. When he realizes that he's gay, he is faced with a truly horrible choice. Rightly or wrongly, you cannot be actively gay and be an upstanding member of the LDS church. Paul knows he's gay, but he also fervently believes in the tenets of the LDS church. Paul either has to deny his body or deny his soul.
Paul is the main character of this novel, but Paul's mother, best friend Chad, and Chad's parents also feature strongly in the book. The story is told from their alternating points of view. Paul slowly comes out to each of these characters. I enjoyed seeing how each reacted. It felt very real to me. Some were okay with it and some were horrified. All adjusted, but things were different.
I loved the interaction between Paul and Chad. This story is told largely through dialogue. I'm obviously not a teenage boy, but I think Mr. Langford perfectly captured a 15-year-old boy's voice. Reading about Paul, Chad, and their other friends hanging out whether at home or school was truly enjoyable. I loved how Paul and Chad messed with each other, trading barbs back and forth. They explored difficult issues in the uncomfortable, halting way that boys and men often do.
One of my favorite things about this book was that no viewpoint was glorified. We see various members of the LDS community exhibit homophobic behavior, but others who love and accept Paul unconditionally. Paul's friends in the Gay-Straight Alliance at school challenge him to accept being gay, yet have difficulty accepting Paul's beliefs as a Mormon. Neither group was immune from prejudice. I also didn't feel like I was being preached to. Considering that the characters' religious beliefs were frequently discussed, that's really saying something.
I have a few quibbles with the book, but nothing that makes it worth skipping. The plot was set around the 2004 Oregon gay marriage election. I felt like not enough was done with that time frame. It was introduced but not fully explored. I also thought Sandy's (Chad's mom) story of personal discover, while interesting, did not contribute much to the novel.
My only real concern with this book is not a criticism. Rather, it's the inherent difficulty at marketing this novel. First, it's not really a young adult or an adult novel. The story is told from the viewpoints of adults and kids. The adult perspective was interesting to me, but I wonder if teens would be bored. Second, No Going Back is a very Mormon book. The LDS Church has its own culture with a unique vocabulary and events. No Going Back doesn't provide a glossary or explanation for things like seminary, a testimony, passing the sacrament, etc. If you're already familiar with the Church, this is great. You don't have to waste your time reading about things you already know. If you don't know much about the Church, it might be like diving into the deep end of the pool. However, I have read numerous reviews written by non-Mormons who didn't seem to have a problem with the cultural aspects. So maybe it's not that big a deal. I think this book is targeted toward a Mormon audience. People who would like it are probably fairly liberal Mormons - those who don't mind liberal use of cursing and having to consider ideas with which they might disagree.
I really enjoyed No Going Back. It deals with a very difficult issue that a lot of people have to face. It doesn't sugar-coat anything. There are no easy choices and no easy answers. There are no heroes and there are no villains. There are just a group of people trying to be good people, be true to themselves, and true to their beliefs and the aftermath when these things conflict.
Rating: 4 / 5
Paul is the main character of this novel, but Paul's mother, best friend Chad, and Chad's parents also feature strongly in the book. The story is told from their alternating points of view. Paul slowly comes out to each of these characters. I enjoyed seeing how each reacted. It felt very real to me. Some were okay with it and some were horrified. All adjusted, but things were different.
I loved the interaction between Paul and Chad. This story is told largely through dialogue. I'm obviously not a teenage boy, but I think Mr. Langford perfectly captured a 15-year-old boy's voice. Reading about Paul, Chad, and their other friends hanging out whether at home or school was truly enjoyable. I loved how Paul and Chad messed with each other, trading barbs back and forth. They explored difficult issues in the uncomfortable, halting way that boys and men often do.
One of my favorite things about this book was that no viewpoint was glorified. We see various members of the LDS community exhibit homophobic behavior, but others who love and accept Paul unconditionally. Paul's friends in the Gay-Straight Alliance at school challenge him to accept being gay, yet have difficulty accepting Paul's beliefs as a Mormon. Neither group was immune from prejudice. I also didn't feel like I was being preached to. Considering that the characters' religious beliefs were frequently discussed, that's really saying something.
I have a few quibbles with the book, but nothing that makes it worth skipping. The plot was set around the 2004 Oregon gay marriage election. I felt like not enough was done with that time frame. It was introduced but not fully explored. I also thought Sandy's (Chad's mom) story of personal discover, while interesting, did not contribute much to the novel.
My only real concern with this book is not a criticism. Rather, it's the inherent difficulty at marketing this novel. First, it's not really a young adult or an adult novel. The story is told from the viewpoints of adults and kids. The adult perspective was interesting to me, but I wonder if teens would be bored. Second, No Going Back is a very Mormon book. The LDS Church has its own culture with a unique vocabulary and events. No Going Back doesn't provide a glossary or explanation for things like seminary, a testimony, passing the sacrament, etc. If you're already familiar with the Church, this is great. You don't have to waste your time reading about things you already know. If you don't know much about the Church, it might be like diving into the deep end of the pool. However, I have read numerous reviews written by non-Mormons who didn't seem to have a problem with the cultural aspects. So maybe it's not that big a deal. I think this book is targeted toward a Mormon audience. People who would like it are probably fairly liberal Mormons - those who don't mind liberal use of cursing and having to consider ideas with which they might disagree.
I really enjoyed No Going Back. It deals with a very difficult issue that a lot of people have to face. It doesn't sugar-coat anything. There are no easy choices and no easy answers. There are no heroes and there are no villains. There are just a group of people trying to be good people, be true to themselves, and true to their beliefs and the aftermath when these things conflict.
Rating: 4 / 5
November 8, 2009
No Going Back by Jonathan Langford
For his debut novel, Jonathan has hit a homerun with this heartfelt, compassionately honest coming-of-age story of a fifteen year old's struggle with same-sex attraction. When Paul Ficklin realizes he's gay,he does come out to his best friend Chad Mortenson, whose been his best friend for many years. At first, Chad is livid and stays away from Paul.
When Paul tells his mom, he gets the love and support he needs, but when he is dragged to the GSA Club at his high school, he's torn about whether to continue to go or to quit going, as he is harassed by both straight kids and gay kids and even his LDS friends.
When Barbara, Paul's mom, confides to a sister in the restroom at RS, she isn't aware that someone overheard them talking and the sister spreads gossip to Sandy Mortenson, Chad's mom and the Bishop's wife. Sandy is upset that her husband has not confided in her about Paul's being gay and worried that Chad's friendship could cause problems.
Even though Paul is worried that too many kids and ward members will find out that he's gay, he still attends the GSA Club, then when an outburst from a student causes problems, Paul stops going. Paul has decided that his membership in the Church is more important and he attempts to tell the kids how he feels about being LDS and staying true to his baptismal covenants. At one time, he struggles with the attraction he feels for one guy in the GSA Club and confides in his bishop. When a student bashes him at school one day in front of the entire school, he feels shunned.
This powerful novel is about friendship, and how Chad comes to understand the importance of what friendships are all about, how a person can overcome temptation and be redeemed through prayer and scripture reading. I liked how the characters are not sugar-coated, like some LDS novels can be with super perfect members. Bishop Mortenson has problems communicating with his wife and vice versa, even with his co-workers he has issues with. My hat goes off to Jonathan for bringing this controversial topic to us in a more understanding light. As a Church, we need to treat everyone with love, kindness and compassion, no matter what the circumstance. Our Savior Jesus Christ most definitely does.
Forever Friends Rating 5 Stars by Teri
Until Next Time, See You Around The Book Nook.
Zarahemla Books
Pub. Date: October 2009
312pp
For his debut novel, Jonathan has hit a homerun with this heartfelt, compassionately honest coming-of-age story of a fifteen year old's struggle with same-sex attraction. When Paul Ficklin realizes he's gay,he does come out to his best friend Chad Mortenson, whose been his best friend for many years. At first, Chad is livid and stays away from Paul.
When Paul tells his mom, he gets the love and support he needs, but when he is dragged to the GSA Club at his high school, he's torn about whether to continue to go or to quit going, as he is harassed by both straight kids and gay kids and even his LDS friends.
When Barbara, Paul's mom, confides to a sister in the restroom at RS, she isn't aware that someone overheard them talking and the sister spreads gossip to Sandy Mortenson, Chad's mom and the Bishop's wife. Sandy is upset that her husband has not confided in her about Paul's being gay and worried that Chad's friendship could cause problems.
Even though Paul is worried that too many kids and ward members will find out that he's gay, he still attends the GSA Club, then when an outburst from a student causes problems, Paul stops going. Paul has decided that his membership in the Church is more important and he attempts to tell the kids how he feels about being LDS and staying true to his baptismal covenants. At one time, he struggles with the attraction he feels for one guy in the GSA Club and confides in his bishop. When a student bashes him at school one day in front of the entire school, he feels shunned.
This powerful novel is about friendship, and how Chad comes to understand the importance of what friendships are all about, how a person can overcome temptation and be redeemed through prayer and scripture reading. I liked how the characters are not sugar-coated, like some LDS novels can be with super perfect members. Bishop Mortenson has problems communicating with his wife and vice versa, even with his co-workers he has issues with. My hat goes off to Jonathan for bringing this controversial topic to us in a more understanding light. As a Church, we need to treat everyone with love, kindness and compassion, no matter what the circumstance. Our Savior Jesus Christ most definitely does.
Forever Friends Rating 5 Stars by Teri
Until Next Time, See You Around The Book Nook.
Zarahemla Books
Pub. Date: October 2009
312pp
August 24, 2011
In this teen novel, we find Paul Flitkin trying to be honest about who he is and what he believes. Having grown up LDS (Mormon), he knew that coming out and trying to deal with his sexual identity was going to be hard enough without adding the conflict he felt from his religion. All he ever really wanted to do was attend BYU and have a family, but it suddenly all seemed to conflict.
I really thought that this novel dealt with a lot of issues that I hadn't seen tackled in a story before. Not only did he have to face the obvious changes that happened in his friendship with his best friend Chad Mortenson (who's dad was also the bishop), but he also had to face the kids in his GSA club who felt that his desire to be LDS conflicted with who he really was. I really felt for Chad, as he was tossed back and forth in the story between his church/beliefs and his same-sex attraction.
There were many layers of conflict built into this story, which I think does a nice job of touching on some of the realities that must surround a teen who wants to admit that they are gay. Honestly, Paul was such a straight-laced character that he almost felt unreal. His strength of character made him a truly sympathetic character, which then highlighted all the different prejudices he and those he loved encountered. Paul had to worry about the reactions of his mother, his best friend (Chad), his bishop, his friends at school, the people at church, and the other kids in the GSA. It was an enlightening inside view of this character's experiences.
I don't want to simplify this book or its hot button issues in any way, but there is so much to consider. One thing that I thought was unique was the reverse tension that came from Paul's new gay friends who were angry at his allegiance to his religion. It's all completely understandable and feels very real in adding to Paul's confusion and isolation. I would think that regardless of religion, that this book highlights what a teen that is coming out in a strong religious community might encounter. There aren't any easy or pat answers given in the book, which is probably for the best, but this story tries to tackle them head on. For starting a dialogue and giving voice to teens also coming out, this book does a really nice job.
I really thought that this novel dealt with a lot of issues that I hadn't seen tackled in a story before. Not only did he have to face the obvious changes that happened in his friendship with his best friend Chad Mortenson (who's dad was also the bishop), but he also had to face the kids in his GSA club who felt that his desire to be LDS conflicted with who he really was. I really felt for Chad, as he was tossed back and forth in the story between his church/beliefs and his same-sex attraction.
There were many layers of conflict built into this story, which I think does a nice job of touching on some of the realities that must surround a teen who wants to admit that they are gay. Honestly, Paul was such a straight-laced character that he almost felt unreal. His strength of character made him a truly sympathetic character, which then highlighted all the different prejudices he and those he loved encountered. Paul had to worry about the reactions of his mother, his best friend (Chad), his bishop, his friends at school, the people at church, and the other kids in the GSA. It was an enlightening inside view of this character's experiences.
I don't want to simplify this book or its hot button issues in any way, but there is so much to consider. One thing that I thought was unique was the reverse tension that came from Paul's new gay friends who were angry at his allegiance to his religion. It's all completely understandable and feels very real in adding to Paul's confusion and isolation. I would think that regardless of religion, that this book highlights what a teen that is coming out in a strong religious community might encounter. There aren't any easy or pat answers given in the book, which is probably for the best, but this story tries to tackle them head on. For starting a dialogue and giving voice to teens also coming out, this book does a really nice job.
October 16, 2010
The Little Bookworm
As a whole, I enjoyed this book. It was an interesting story and one I have never read before. I really don't know much about the Mormon church so I was hoping to learn a little about it. I think I did. I definitely learned how they feel about homosexuality. Apparently it is ok to be "same sex attracted" as long as you never act on those feelings. Interesting. The main character, Paul, figures out he is gay in the eight grade and finally tells his best friend, Chad, in the ninth grade. The book picks up from there and explores every single reaction that someone could possibly have to finding out about Paul. It was interesting to see how the church and the bishop handled it. He and Paul's mother were the most understanding of the adult characters and Chad was the best teenager character aside from Paul. I liked how Paul struggled with the idea of his homosexuality as well as the idea of living up to his church's standards. I am, of course, much more liberal in my views but I also understand that my views are mine alone and I shouldn't force them onto anyone else like quite a few characters try to do to Paul.
As for the writing, I found that some of the dialogue and thoughts felt stilted, like someone writing them on a page rather than actually being thought. And the handling of the passage of time was awkward. And the subplot with Chad's mother was wholly unnecessary and bogged the book down in places. Without it this would have been a much better place. I would be interested in that storyline in another book about the adults, but it felt out of place here. But even given all of that, I still enjoyed this book. The characters and storyline was interesting enough to overcome it and I found myself impatient to find out what happens next. I became invested in Paul's situation and I wanted him to come out fine in the end. The resolution was satisfying
As a whole, I enjoyed this book. It was an interesting story and one I have never read before. I really don't know much about the Mormon church so I was hoping to learn a little about it. I think I did. I definitely learned how they feel about homosexuality. Apparently it is ok to be "same sex attracted" as long as you never act on those feelings. Interesting. The main character, Paul, figures out he is gay in the eight grade and finally tells his best friend, Chad, in the ninth grade. The book picks up from there and explores every single reaction that someone could possibly have to finding out about Paul. It was interesting to see how the church and the bishop handled it. He and Paul's mother were the most understanding of the adult characters and Chad was the best teenager character aside from Paul. I liked how Paul struggled with the idea of his homosexuality as well as the idea of living up to his church's standards. I am, of course, much more liberal in my views but I also understand that my views are mine alone and I shouldn't force them onto anyone else like quite a few characters try to do to Paul.
As for the writing, I found that some of the dialogue and thoughts felt stilted, like someone writing them on a page rather than actually being thought. And the handling of the passage of time was awkward. And the subplot with Chad's mother was wholly unnecessary and bogged the book down in places. Without it this would have been a much better place. I would be interested in that storyline in another book about the adults, but it felt out of place here. But even given all of that, I still enjoyed this book. The characters and storyline was interesting enough to overcome it and I found myself impatient to find out what happens next. I became invested in Paul's situation and I wanted him to come out fine in the end. The resolution was satisfying
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September 21, 2010This book is way different from what I usually read. I can't rate it the same way. First, it's an LDS novel--intended for Mormon readers. It's about Paul, a Mormon 15-year-old who likes guys instead of girls. Paul is a sympathetic hero for other faithful Mormon teens who face a similar challenge.
Number two? It's not YA. I had a hard time reading it objectively because I think it should be. (Yikes!) The content is definitely YA, but along with the authentic guy voices you'd find in a good YA novel (that can be vulgar at times), we see the story from several adult viewpoints. These viewpoints--especially Paul's bishop--were instructive, but as a hardcore YA fanatic I wanted to hear the story straight from Paul. The viewpoint switches away from him when I don't want it to. This is probably me being a spoiled brat, but I wanted to be inside Paul's head and heart all the time. He's a great character.
I've never been a fan of omniscient third person narration. Most readers could care less. I confess I read YA, middle grade novels, and classics--almost exclusively so I don't put up with it often. I know omniscient third with lots of viewpoint switches is common in adult reads.
Most readers who are grown up and have grown up tastes will probably be interested in seeing the story from several points of view. Few will want to call up Jonathan and beg him to release a teen edition told entirely in Paul's own words and own voice. That's the novel I want to read. Paul is a conflicted kid walking in great faith down a seemingly impossible road. I would like to follow more closely in his shoes without middle aged adult drama to cloud the picture.
I doubt other readers will have my quirky objections to Jonathan's storytelling methods. I do NOT doubt other readers will love Paul and cheer as loudly for him and the good people in his life as I did.
Number two? It's not YA. I had a hard time reading it objectively because I think it should be. (Yikes!) The content is definitely YA, but along with the authentic guy voices you'd find in a good YA novel (that can be vulgar at times), we see the story from several adult viewpoints. These viewpoints--especially Paul's bishop--were instructive, but as a hardcore YA fanatic I wanted to hear the story straight from Paul. The viewpoint switches away from him when I don't want it to. This is probably me being a spoiled brat, but I wanted to be inside Paul's head and heart all the time. He's a great character.
I've never been a fan of omniscient third person narration. Most readers could care less. I confess I read YA, middle grade novels, and classics--almost exclusively so I don't put up with it often. I know omniscient third with lots of viewpoint switches is common in adult reads.
Most readers who are grown up and have grown up tastes will probably be interested in seeing the story from several points of view. Few will want to call up Jonathan and beg him to release a teen edition told entirely in Paul's own words and own voice. That's the novel I want to read. Paul is a conflicted kid walking in great faith down a seemingly impossible road. I would like to follow more closely in his shoes without middle aged adult drama to cloud the picture.
I doubt other readers will have my quirky objections to Jonathan's storytelling methods. I do NOT doubt other readers will love Paul and cheer as loudly for him and the good people in his life as I did.
January 28, 2010
This book does a great job of depicting a real life situation that many young men in the LDS church have to deal with. I was given this book by my mother-in-law because Paul (the Mormon dealing with same-gender attraction) has a best friend named Chad (a straight LDS member) who reminded her of me. My best friend since 3rd grade has dealed with the same struggles as Paul.
After getting halfway through the book, I was thinking this was a 3 star book. Upon completion, I feel like it deserves 4 stars. I may be biased because I could relate to the story so well, but what really impressed me was the way Langford portrayed Chad's dad, the bishop of the ward. I can only imagine how hard it would be to manage a family, work full time, and be the bishop over a ward. I have a hard enough time balancing life as it is.
I loved reading how the different characters developed. Everyone made mistakes, but in each case, they learned from those mistakes and they were better for them. That is a great lesson for everyone on the earth. Perfection is impossible in this life. But what we learn from mistakes make us who we are and who we will become.
After getting halfway through the book, I was thinking this was a 3 star book. Upon completion, I feel like it deserves 4 stars. I may be biased because I could relate to the story so well, but what really impressed me was the way Langford portrayed Chad's dad, the bishop of the ward. I can only imagine how hard it would be to manage a family, work full time, and be the bishop over a ward. I have a hard enough time balancing life as it is.
I loved reading how the different characters developed. Everyone made mistakes, but in each case, they learned from those mistakes and they were better for them. That is a great lesson for everyone on the earth. Perfection is impossible in this life. But what we learn from mistakes make us who we are and who we will become.
November 9, 2009
I thought this was a good book. I don't think I would have ever picked it to read except that I know the author, and I was anxious to read whatever he wrote. Although I found a lot of the teenage boy dialogue to be a bit choppy and affected, especially at first, I warmed up so much to the characters that I didn't mind how they talked. Langford is at his best when he is voicing the bishop--these parts of the book flow with a greater depth and poignancy. However, it is not the writing style that drives this book, it is the story. And I easily became caught up in this tale of a Mormon boy who realizes both that he is gay and that he still has a strong testimony and wants to stay active in the Church. I felt that Langford presents a thorough spectrum of ideas, philosophies, prejudices and opinions on all sides of this subject, and it was incredibly interesting and thoughtful. I was very touched by the story, and when it touched on the Mormon religion, I felt that it represented Church doctrine fairly and accurately.
March 9, 2010
Nan recommended.
A quote from the publisher's post she received:
"7. No Going Back presents a fair and balanced view of different ways
of viewing same-sex attraction, while still presenting clearly the LDS
Church’s position on this issue. As one reader reported, “Langford’s
novel is, as a blurb on the back states, a ‘thoroughly orthodox’
Mormon novel in that the main characters remain loyal to orthodox
Mormon doctrine, but he places them in a world that rings true to the
world I see, where other characters are just as loyal to other
beliefs… and none of them are portrayed two-dimensionally.”
Personally, I found the dialogue of the first 50 pages tedious until I acknowledged--these are teenagers, and I'm not. So I pressed on and glad I did. Its an important book for the LDS genre, that only Zarahemla Press would likely publish. I'm glad Chris Bigelow did.
I've got a lot of corners turned down noting impressive passages and impressive turning points of the story. I hope it gets read by many to prompt discussion and increased understanding.
A quote from the publisher's post she received:
"7. No Going Back presents a fair and balanced view of different ways
of viewing same-sex attraction, while still presenting clearly the LDS
Church’s position on this issue. As one reader reported, “Langford’s
novel is, as a blurb on the back states, a ‘thoroughly orthodox’
Mormon novel in that the main characters remain loyal to orthodox
Mormon doctrine, but he places them in a world that rings true to the
world I see, where other characters are just as loyal to other
beliefs… and none of them are portrayed two-dimensionally.”
Personally, I found the dialogue of the first 50 pages tedious until I acknowledged--these are teenagers, and I'm not. So I pressed on and glad I did. Its an important book for the LDS genre, that only Zarahemla Press would likely publish. I'm glad Chris Bigelow did.
I've got a lot of corners turned down noting impressive passages and impressive turning points of the story. I hope it gets read by many to prompt discussion and increased understanding.
October 3, 2010
WOW, this is the most important book that I have read in a long time, because of the potential of impact it could have! Jonathan has made a statement that feels right, about what makes a person and the trials we all face in life. The crux of the matter is, do we believe in the teachings of the Church, or do we not. If we believe fully in the revealed gospel, than who we are, is an eternal son or daughter of God. How we act in this life should be based on that, because our soul wants to go back to him as clean as possible. We have to make a choice, and live accordingly. It is possible to be same-sex attracted, without choosing to live a gay lifestyle. Kudos Jonathan, I hope your book has a huge impact on the way we all do things!
November 30, 2010
This was a really interesting book for me. I was a bit uncomfortable before I picked it up, but I was impressed with the skill Langford brought the story to life. He was able to be compassionate as well as realistic in his portrayal of differing LDS views on gays. This book shows the very real struggle that a gay Mormon boy could experience, especially the feeling of being torn in many directions. It is brave, and unique, and very well done. I was distracted a few times by the other stories that were told throughout, but overall impressed. Full review at One Librarian's Book Reviews.
February 12, 2010
I read this on recommendation from a friend. It was about a gay Mormon teenager and his obstacles to honor his religion and yet come out about his same sex orientation. It was difficult to read, I really felt sorry for him and his struggles. I think this problem is out there, but most of the young adults that find themselves in this situation would just go with there feelings and not try to stay true to their religion.
March 29, 2010
This novel is eye opening and tells the story of a young, gay LDS boy. Many ideas about persecution, acceptance and tolerance are brought to the forefront. Also, it makes an LDS reader, as I am, think about my own thoughts and feelings concerning those of other religions and gays and how they are treated. The message of loving all people is expressed throughout the book and reminders about not being judgmental. Jonathan Langford did a wonderful job with his first, published novel.
January 9, 2010
Interesting read about a gay mormon teenager and the issues he faces because he decides to live as a faithful member of the church. I thought the characterization throughout the novel was skillful. On a more superfluous issue, I found the bad name choices for the teenagers annoying. (Janice? Do you know any teenagers named Janice?)
November 16, 2009
This book was very interesting and a little eye opening. I appreciated that the author describes persecution from every angle. It is a sad fact that LDS people are as guilty of persecution as anyone. In this case, I believe the author does a good job of separating tolerance of behavior and tolerance of weakness. He makes his statement loud and clear.
October 31, 2010
Really interesting. The language was a little edgy at times, though not extreme. It's not a comfortable read but I'm so glad that I did read it. This is an important topic these days. I recommend it but with a disclaimer that the language and sexual content (there is some and though not overly descriptive, it can be uncomfortable) will not be tolerable for some.
April 18, 2011
This book was very touching. I am not a member of the LDS church so I can't relate to that aspect of Paul's struggle, but I did relate to alot of other aspects Paul faced being same-sex attracted. Deciding to come out. Deciding to accept that part of yourself. Finding others you could relate to. Etc. I found myself crying along with him during the story. Definitely a tear-jerker.
December 27, 2009
I would recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with same-gender attraction. It is an honest, realistic look at how one young man deals with his homosexuality. It will amaze and surprise you. A great read. For my complete review see my blog at karenjonesgowen.blogspot.com
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