Incontinent on the Continent: My Mother, Her Walker, and Our Grand Tour of Italy

by Jane Christmas

To smooth over five decades of constant clashing, determined daughter Jane Christmas decides to take her arthritic, incontinent, and domineering mother, Valeria, to Italy. Will being at the epicenter of the Renaissance spark a renaissance in their relationship? As they drag each other from the Amalfi Coast to Tuscany — walkers, shawls, and a mobile pharmacy of medications in tow — they find new ways to bitch and bicker, in the process reassessing who they are and how they might reconcile. Unflinching and often hilarious, this book speaks to all women who have faced that special challenge of making friends with Mom.

Genres: Travel, Nonfiction, Memoir, Italy, Canada, Biography, Book Club

303 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

Reviews

[Wanda Pedersen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the choice of my book club for November, but I got mixed up about which book was next and ended up reading it early. I’ve heard Jane Christmas interviewed on CBC radio (although not about this book) and had been curious to read some of her writing.

I came away from this volume wondering a bit about what kind of person Christmas actually is. She reveals herself to be impatient, intolerant, and overbearing and I’m not sure that was her intent. Mind you, we can all behave badly in stressful circumstances and she seems to find her mother’s presence to be one of the most stressful circumstances. I came to the conclusion that both women lacked a certain amount of self-awareness.

On the other hand, I see many of my friends in my age range dealing with some of the same problems. For instance, can my parent still drive safely? Are they trustworthy in the kitchen or are they potential fire hazards? If we go to such-and-such a place, will they be able to make the required walking distance? If so, how quickly? It’s a fraught situation, as you want to make sure they are safe and comfortable, but you also want them to retain as much choice as they can. I have elderly friends and I see them clinging to the last remnants of independence. One shopped around for a doctor who would renew her driver’s license—I had to make a stand several years ago and tell her that I would no longer be a passenger in her car and I think the doctor that granted her request ought to have to ride with her a few times. But she’s not my mother (or any other relative), so it’s not my call and her sons seem to be willfully blind about the whole matter. Another friend was absolutely determined to stay in her house, until a health emergency landed her in hospital—because she had not chosen to move, she had to take what was available, thankfully a very nice, new facility. One can’t always end up in such happy circumstances. I’ve been travelling with both of these ladies, in fact I think I was along for each of their last international trips—and they experienced difficulties along the road (including altitude sickness, and yes, incontinence). About that, they are both realistic—one has limited herself to North America, the other will probably not ever leave our city again. The desire to take “one more trip” led to convincing themselves that they could do whatever the younger tour members were planning.

I can also see this from the perspective of someone who is starting to experience physical limitations of her own--arthritis in the knees, cataracts in the eyes, and much less stamina than 20 years ago. I’ve begun to use walking poles and choose my international tours carefully. I’m travelling as far afield as possible right now, while I still can do it and will restrict my destinations as my difficulties increase. I’m trying to use the examples of older friends as a guide and not end up being a drag on my travelling companions and tour groups.

Maybe I’ll have to do what one of my aunts did—a very religious lady, she decided to pray about whether she should continue to drive and she asked God to give her a sign. The next morning, she found her car had been stolen—sign received, and she quit driving and sold the car when the police recovered it. We should all be so lucky that the universe gives us that clear a message.

[Roberta · Rating 2 out of 5]

Light, frothy and a very quick read. The book has its moments, some quite funny, but overall Jane Christmas comes across as mean spirited, impatient and whiny. I kept getting flashes of her stalking around Italy like an outraged adolescent, rolling her eyes and snapping out sarcastic comments. Maybe that was the point. Was she trying to say that our mothers can reduce us to our worst selves? I also found her description of her mother's various ailments intrusive and mean.

[Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I sympathize with Jane, I really do, but her attitude towards her mother lacks charity and grace and left me wondering why she EVER thought a 6-week trip through Italy together would be a good idea.

Also not a good idea: undertaking this trip with only the barest of planning. So many of the disappointments they encountered would have vanished with proper planning.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

First of all, six weeks was way too ambitious a project for this pair in the first place, although they did cut the trip short a week eventually. It's later revealed that the mother had arranged for seats at Easter mass at the Vatican, which happened around the fourth or fifth week, so they really couldn't have left any earlier.

Initially, they stay at a rented holiday house (or trullo in Italian - a term that got grating as affected on audio after a while), with a side trip to Sicily. Unfortunately for Jane, the weather was unseasonable cold and rainy during that time, so she got cabin fever being cooped up with her mom, except for occasional forays to nearby towns. Here we got the first glimpses into how badly Jane's expectations were going to be unmet on the trip; she later raves about how Italians handle road construction in such a civil manner, as opposed to North American mega-project upheaval, but sadly for her, guess who handles disabled travelers better? Tiny streets are not the greatest places to stop, unload a mom and walker, and then get back in the car to find a parking place. She really, really needed to have done some homework on disabled travel in Italy, but then again, she seems to have done little advance planning besides renting her trullo from a friend-of-a-friend back in Canada.

It struck me that she felt so put upon because she saw no other families with a disabled member. I came away largely inferring that not-so-able Europeans don't go out much, as opposed to Americans who don't let that get in their way. Christmas is quite grouchy about the prices, especially in tourist areas. How naïve. Overall, I think we were suppose to laugh at some of her misfortunes, such as the weather, which I did. The mother-daughter dynamic itself just doesn't work here I'm afraid as up to the end, she keeps hoping to have some sort of "closure" for their past distance, which just wasn't going to happen. I ended up feeling kind of sorry for Jane in being so unrealistic about it all, and for her mom who might've managed a shorter trip that included Easter mass, but not one for several weeks of sightseeing.

Audio narration was quite well done, making the story come alive more than a print copy would have likely managed. It was a bit jolting to hear distances in miles and temperatures in Farenheit from a Canadian writer in Italy, but nice that we Americans were so accommodated!

So, would I recommend this one? Maybe. I'm not sorry I read it, but I cannot fault readers who gave up on Jane as "whiny" -- if you feel that way partway through, it won't "get any better", so just cut your losses. As a travel narrative, it's not bad if you set tour expectation a bit low, assuming she's not as ... wordly as she might have assumed she was starting out.

[Denise DeSio · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed Jane Christmas's audio version of Incontinent on the Continent, and I'll tell you why: I have a sense of humor. For those without one, pass on this book. It wasn't meant to be a travelogue. Christmas has issues with her mother (who doesn't?) and erroneously hopes (like all of us) that doing something fabulous together (like a trip to Italy) will be just the vehicle to wipe away the past and bring them close together. Instead, it's a major disappointment and more trouble than it could possibly have been worth.

While the rest of us (who may find ourselves in this position) wallow in our misery and create even more of rift between us and our parents, Christmas uses humor and sarcasm to create art, and finds in the end that accepting her mother's foibles and inadequacies is the only way to get closer to her. But in the meantime, she allows the reader access to her every hilarious gripe and disenchantment, as she tries to cope with an infirm mother in a country that makes absolutely no allowances for anyone but the fully abled.

Perhaps some of the humor is too absurd for the comedy impaired, like the reviewer who explains his one star review by boasting about taking BOTH his or her 85 year old mother AND 93 year old mother-in-law to Italy and still managing to find "magic." I'll be waiting for that book to hit the stands...NOT! So let me explain about the absurdity factor in humor to that reviewer:

When Christmas asserts that she "hates" her mother's walker. Seriously, who in their right mind would begrudge anyone a handicap accessory? It's absurd! That's what makes it funny, and sure enough, when an Italian waiter kicks the walker, the author suddenly becomes the walker's ally. Ha ha! That's funny, people. Maybe the audio book, read by Eileen Barrett, might be a better choice for people who need emoticons to get the joke.

Eileen Barrett was a brilliant choice to represent the author's over the top humor. Her voice is oh so quirky, with slightly exaggerated pronunciation and a weird propensity to over-articulate words with double t's - definitely the voice of a stand-up comic, and perfect to throw around a few F-bombs!

Underneath all this comedy is not meanness. It's a poignant plea for the love of a parent who doesn't know how to express it without making her daughter feel inferior. If you listen hard enough, you will hear it throughout the book, and in the end it's the daughter who must create a new paradigm to be able to love her mother as she is, while the mother gets a free pass. That's not so funny and it doesn't seem fair to deny the author some harmless comedic venting.

Kudos to Christmas for the courage to be human and giving voice to what so many of may think but leave unsaid.

[Laurel · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sometimes funny, bittersweet account of a fifty-something daughter taking her aging. incontinent mother on a six week driving tour of Italy. Many readers have criticized the author for being impatient, whiny and unsympathetic to her ageing mother and her constantly changing medical and mental issues. Anyone who has cared for a parent over the long haul, including ever-increasing senility, incontinence and a lack of awareness by that parent of his/her ever-increasing limitations, should cut this author some slack. It is especially difficult to contemplate the notion that you are looking at what lays in store for you in the next 20-30 years. This isn't really a travel book. It'a about facing your own mortality, and preparing you for the difficult path of caring for a parent who lives for a really long time,as you watch the decline, powerless to halt it, but to make it as smooth as possible, even when the parent doesn't realize what is taking place. Regarding the travel element of this book-Italy at the time of publication, is not easily accessed by disabled people, needing wheelchairs or walkers.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I expected to really like this book after hearing Jane Christmas interviewed on The Final Chapter. I didn't.

Have travelled with my mother who sounds not unlike my own in terms of interests, I was ready to slap her for her self-centredness.

Yes, Jane, you too will get to this age and be unsure on your feet, undecided, tired and unable to keep up on all activities. Let's hope your kids are more tolerant.

In fact, about half way through the book, I was about to give up on it as I was so tired of the whining and mood of the author regarding the carrying of suitcases, etc. That's what younger people do for older people - or just generally for others. It's called being polite and generous.

In any case, I did continue to read and finished the book not feeling quite so displeased with Ms. English. She appears to have become a little more tolerant through the process of the trip and perhaps sees herself in 30 years through her mother.

I haven't read her other books and now am hestitant to do so. I'd hate to have the Camino ruined for me.

[Donna Jo Atwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not too sure I would have the nerve to schedule a six week tour of Italy with someone that I had a slightly rocky relationship with, but it makes an interesting book. Christmas and her mother were on their own for a trip that would exasperate, annoy, and yet entertain the two of them. It was not a trip of their dreams--it rained, it froze, it snowed (This was in the spring), the food was not always good, the service was often not what they expected, but still it was an eye-opening experience.
I really enjoyed this book. Being of a certain age, I found myself relating to both the author and her mother. And I'd still like to go to Italy.

[Magdelanye · Rating 3 out of 5]

How do people care for loved ones around the clock without going completely mad? p192

My mother...wanted a neat, compliant, gregarious, and happy child. I was none of those things. The more she insisted, the more I resisted. She was not gentle with me, and I retaliated by not being gentle with her. p83

When it came to my mother, I knew this intellectually, but still I felt a sense of irritation around her. p138

Setting out with this book, I marveled that here was yet another doppelganger of my own mother: ambitious, preoccupied,, distant, yet domineering and critical. I never liked traveling with my mother who had to control any situation, was patronizing to locals, and snored unbearably.

My sympathies at first, therefore; were slanted towards Jane, and if I found most of her attempts at humour decidedly unfunny, I could relate to her struggle to come to terms with her mother.

In fact, Jane blew it. If her purpose in organizing this trip was to promote bonding and reconciliation, whinging about the responsibility this entailed seemed rather inappropriate. With all her overplanning, without the flexibility so necessary when traveling, they were not prepared, especially not for the inclement weather that seemed to follow them around as they shlepped through their itinerary.

Resentment kills contentment, so it's no surprise that they cut their trip short, coming to a truce in their unanimous decision. Jane lost serious points with me for referring to "killing time" and for her pretentious sense of entitlement that was distinctly unflattering.

The people lounging on the Cafe chairs or sauntering along the shop-lined lanes seemed...unconcerned about anything but their own gratification. A sense of moral superiority washed over me as I surveyed this state of slothful decadence. p179

It's not that these women are stupid or completely ignorant.
After judging her fellow travelers, Jane notes

"They should be doing something useful with their time." I said to myself. Was that my mother speaking? Or was that the voice of someone who wished to be draped over one of those cafe chairs, too?

What triggered me perhaps the
most was how such moments of insight were hoarded and disregarded instead of shared. It seemed painfully obvious that as long as the power struggle between mother and daughter was influencing each encounter, intimacy and delight were not likely to emerge.


Complaining about the 4 heavy bags - 5 including her mother - was a deal breaker. Why on earth was she lugging so much when most of their clothing was unsuitable? And why keep harping on that when they could have bought some warmer clothes as soon as they realized the necessity? And what about her irrational hatred of that damn red walker? They can come in handy.

Rather than sink into a stupor of negativity, I applaud JC for her honesty in exposing her truth, even when it was not pretty.
I hope she continues to resist the ubiquity of the cell phone; and that she has made peace with her rambunctious mother.
Ripping up her list of old grievances may have been her major accomplishment of the trip. Letting go of emotional baggage might not eliminate the lasting damage of complex PTSD, but it alleviates it considerably.

[D.A. Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve had this book on my TBR stack for a long time now- I was interested in a story about a woman with some disabilities travelling through Europe as I am a traveller with some disabilities...

Well.
I also have some (well one, really) ungrateful snarky child. As, apparently, does the mother in this story.

The author spends the book whining about what a pain it is taking her mother around Italy, how frustrating every thing her mother says and does is, how she wishes over and over again she was alone. She wants to tell her mother things like, “if you’d taken care of yourself when you were younger you wouldn’t be this sick now.” !!!

She complains about almost everything in Italy, whines about the accommodation, the car, the fact that no one speaks English- and then about the blandness of the more modern hotels. The trip is in the off season, and she is surprised to find things are closed. She complains about how shops close during the week, blah blah blah. She wants to sit down with her mother and air her grievances. She doesn’t. Instead she hollers about how she hates her mother’s walker and throws it in places.

Writing style is excellent, but I didn’t find her take funny and in fact started to dislike her heartily.

Listen, if you are 40 and you are still blaming your parents for how you turned out, you need to grow up. To take your disabled mother on a trip for which you have prepared NOTHING and then rant about how life isn’t all lollipops is childish in the extreme.

[Lisette Venselaar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ik heb haar eerdere boeken 'The Pelee Project' en 'What the psychic told the pilgrim' werkelijk verslonden. Dit boek pakte mij iets minder. Wel weer geschreven in haar herkenbare en eerlijke schrijfstijl. Het idee alleen al, om met haar moeder op leeftijd deze reis te ondernemen, schreeuwt "WHY?".....
Mocht je nog geen boek van Jane gelezen hebben, dan zou ik deze overslaan en één van de andere twee hierboven genoemde boeken pakken. Als je dan, net als ik, Jane in je hart gesloten hebt - lees dan ook dit boek. Zonder de voorgeschiedenis van haar persoonlijkheid, kan je dit boek als zeurend en schreeuwerig ervaren. Ik kan het inmiddels prima van haar hebben en had ook niet anders verwacht. Ik ga zeker ook nog haar 4e boek 'And then there were nuns' nog lezen.

Conclusie: Aanrader voor echte Jane Christmas fans. Voor diegenen, die Jane nog niet kennen - lees eerst één van haar eerdere boeken. Doet dat verlangen naar meer, lees dan pas dit boek...

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting tale of an aging mother and daughters' journey through Italy.

[Kristina · Rating 1 out of 5]

The best possible reason to read this book is if you want to visit Italy, but there's some overriding reason that you really shouldn't. Read this book, and talk yourself out of making the trip in the first place - because if Jane Christmas is to be believed, 90% of the experience really isn't worth it, at least not on the trip she took.

Great food? Forget it - it's all pig swill. The two worst meals she's ever eaten in her life.

Also, in Italy, you will fail to find hospitality, human kindness, any consideration for the aged and disabled, common civility, any logic or manners.

It might surprise you to know that the vast amount of artwork is sure to disappoint you, and that your reaction to the Sistine Chapel might be a disgruntled, "I've seen better."

I don't know what more to say. I've never read a more bitter and hateful travelogue. I thought Bill Bryant could make a trip more depressing than anyone could reasonably imagine, but Christmas took it to a whole new level.

Ah, yes, I've neglected to mention, in my dismay over the incessant whining, just how profoundly unkind and unloving she is towards her elderly and disabled mother.

The book struggles toward a profoundly unconvincing resolution in the last few pages, but as patiently and hopefully as I turned page after page, any enjoyment or happiness during the trip was profoundly lacking. Italy appeared to be a hell-hole the likes of Calcutta, with the occasional pleasant vista viewed from the autostrada.

She might have done better to have actually RESEARCHED her trip, or booked something in advance, but instead, she takes an almost defiant pride in her lack of preparedness. Her style would have been more appropriate for a seventeen-year-old than a woman in her fifties taking her elderly mother on a six-week trip to Italy.

The back cover billed the book as "frequently hilarious." It really isn't. It's a non-stop ranting, whining misery of a trip that would be enough to put me off completely, if her ineptitude in planning and executing the trip weren't so patently obvious.

[Arminzerella · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just before he died, Jane’s father asked her to try to have a better relationship with her mother. They weren’t exactly estranged, but they’d never been terribly close. Jane felt her mom was overly critical and had never expressed any affection for her children. Jane’s mom, on the other hand, felt that Jane was single-minded, stubborn, and foolhardy. Jane thought she and her mother might bond over a trip abroad – to Italy – where they could reconnect, work on their relationship, and enjoy the art, architecture and culture of a foreign country. Although Jane’s mom agreed to the trip, Jane wasn’t aware of just how much her mother’s health had deteriorated over the past few years. When it came time to plan and pack for the trip, Jane discovered exactly how much space medications, walkers, canes, and adult diapers take up in one’s luggage. She also learned how inhospitable Italy is to the disabled – very few attractions are set up to accommodate wheelchairs, and most are inaccessible. Jane’s mom also became tired quickly, needed bathrooms immediately (or 5 minutes ago), and went to bed as soon as the sun set. There were no rambling walks through the countryside, or piazzas. And Jane’s mom often became upset and confused if Jane left her on her own for any period of time. Instead of bonding with her mother, Jane had to become her caretaker – learning to be more understanding of her mother’s frailties and quirks.

At times laugh out loud hysterical, this journey with mom is sure to bring tears of amusement and frustration to readers’ eyes. Anyone who has had to care for an older parent will recognize themselves in Jane and will sympathize with the challenges she faced. It’s not all about mom, however, as Jane includes information about the sights, sounds, and culture of Italy – which she returns to experience on her own later on.

[Leah · Rating 1 out of 5]

I heard an interview with the author on the radio and thought that this would be an interesting and humourous read. I expected some rough patches on the trip taken by Jane and her older mother who suffers from several medical conditions. What I did not expect was almost 300 pages of negativity and whining (the book totals 303 pages, so I'll give her a few pages for positive descriptions).

I will now be in search of more books about travel in Italy in order to remove the sour taste left by Incontinent on the Continent. To believe Jane Christmas, Italy holds in store bad weather, bad hotels, horrible food, long lines, underwhelming sites, rude locals, horrible service, and a burning need to return home.

I finished the book with hope of some sort of redemption. The mother and daughter would either reconcile (as was the author's father's death-bed wish) or Jane would, at least, come to realize that they are who they are and she would grow up and learn to live with their relationship as it was. That did not happen. The writing of this book seems to have been a self-indulgent exercise in voicing her discontent with a childhood that didn't live up to her expectations and an adult mother who would never morph into the person Jane longed for.

The one positive to reading this book is that I'll take is as a warning to avoid What the Psychic Told the Pilgrim... leaving my love of Spain intact!

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was thoroughly disappointing and overwhelmingly annoying. The author should have titled the book "That time I dragged my elderly, incontinent, ataxic mother around Italy and bitched at her for being elderly, incontinent, and ataxic."

What was presented as a mother-daughter bonding story, turned out to be an immature, selfish rant by the author. She slams Italy up one side and down the other (rude people, bad food, long lines, etc.) and is so ignorant/intolerant of her mother's infirmities, it was almost abusive. I mean, there were so many snide remarks about the walker it was ridiculous.

The thing that irked me the most was how the author never took any responsibility for the outcome of the trip itself. It was her bright idea to take her mother on this trip and yet she did minimal if any research as to the accessibility of their various destinations for her mother. Ultimately, I felt sorry for the mother. She spent more time in the car or in the hotel than actually out enjoying the sights.

I hung on to the end in hopes of a 'reconciliation' between mother and daughter - a mutual understanding and appreciation of one another after the shared experience of Italy... that didn't happen.

Give it a miss.

[Debra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Please do not approach this as a travel book (although it is that secondarily.) Instead Canadian Jane Christmas seeks to mend a life-time of bad relations with her mother by taking a long trip to Italy. Mainly it is about mothers and daughters.

Yes, Jane whines. Her aged and semi-disabled mother is not up for the trip - a planning flaw. Realistically an honest person will have to admit to some sympathy with Jane, as much as we all wish that we are better people. (Yes, I have been there more than once.) between the kvetching, though, she writes with flair and humor.

I read it dead tree. I wish photos had been included- especially of Jane and her mother. I could easily find pictures of trulli etc as desired. Ditto a map, again though easy to find.

Now that I have read all the J. Christmas books in my library system, I find that I do still want to accompany her on the Camino de Santiago.

[Emmie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jane Christmas writes poignantly about her relationship with her mother. This book is a mix of memoir and travelogue, reminiscent of Bill Bryson. I was an instant fan from the first page!

I love being an armchair traveler and Jane Christmas has made it a wonderful experience with her rich descriptions of the places and people she visited. I especially like the fact that she does not sugarcoat anything. If an experience was bad, she says it with a touch of self deprecating humor. I laughed many times, especially while they were refueling, with her Mother's witty quips.

The best part of this book, even with her frustration and exasperation with her mother, was the obvious love she felt for her mother. She was not shy to admit the difficulties in their relationship. It highlighted the frailty and limitations that comes with age.

I truly enjoyed this book and thank Netgalley and the publisher for giving me the opportunity to read and voluntarily review this book.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I chuckled my way through this one. My husband kept calling out, "What's so funny?". I love the brutal honesty of Jane taking care of her mother while trying to have a life-changing 6 week tour of Italy. I also loved her discriptions of the country and it's quirks.

[Gloria Campbell]

Funny,enjoyable, made you think of your own mother....

[Gayle · Rating 1 out of 5]

This books was painful.

[CarolynAnn · Rating 2 out of 5]

In my opinion, this is basicallly a middle aged woman's journal of her trip to Italy (something she'd always wanted to do) with her Mother. It has some interesting historical information, etc re Italy but overall, what really annoyed me about the book is that the author seemed to miss two basic concepts: #1) she seemed to have no notion of how to travel... ie. did not seem to realize that you might need to book places ahead of time, you might want to check for opening/closing dates/weeks, you might want to check on appropriate clothing for the season, etc. She was a dolt of a traveller!! - and this quite annoyed me because she blamed the outcome of her lack of preparedness on her mother; #2) she was unbelievably naive or unknowledgable with respect to the needs of someone in their 70/80/s. She wanted to travel with her mom but resented the fact that she might have to do some 'caring' and that an 80 y/o might walk slower than a 50 y/o... I found her attitude toward her mom very off-putting... I recently lost my 90 y/o Mom and I would give my right arm to be able to travel with her, no matter what accommodations/adaptations she needed.
I realize parts of the descriptions were humerous but the above put me off too much to enjoy.

[cbdef · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing. I was expecting a humorous tale with an Italian backdrop. Instead, the author spends much of her time complaining about her mother's limitations and how they are impacting her ability to enjoy her trip. Unfortunately, the inclement weather throughout their journey just adds fodder to her miscontent. Her original plan was to cast about in Italy for 6 weeks with only the loosest of foreplanning and thought. While this would have worked for her as a single traveler, it didn't work at all when an elderly, mobility-impaired companion is added to the mix.

I give the author credit for providing some visual and historical insights to the areas of Italy they visited, as they did inspire me to want to visit some of them myself.

There is also a constant underlying tension between mother and daughter present throughout the book, which the author surrenders to by the end of the story, without actually confronting it with her mother. Instead, she comes to an understanding as to how she will handle their relationship in the future.

I just felt a lot of negativity throughout the book and it left me dissatisfied.

[Cady · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I could have given this book a zero, I would have! Never have I had such loathing for a person! I’m glad I read her Camino book first. Because if I had read this book first I would never had read another one! Jane Christmas is all about herself! She is very needy! She treated her mother like dirt! She wasn’t taking her mother on a vacation she just didn’t want to travel on her own! And I think she was just gathering info for a book too! She should have done her homework before leaving for Italy! The weather! Yes it’s horrible in winter and spring that’s why it is so cheap then! Nothing is open! She picked the worst places to go to - also! People in other countries don’t do things the way we do that is what makes life interesting! Jane thought everyone should bow down to her! She should have done her homework and she would have known no way was her invalid mother going to be able to get around or enjoy any of this! Who goes on a 6 week vacation and doesn’t prebook rooms? Only kids hitchhiking and staying in hostels. I could go on but I won’t!

[Andi Baker · Rating 1 out of 5]

Rarely do I ever give a 1star review, but Jane Christmas deserves by far worse for what she does in this book to cash in to be published. At the expense of the person who raised and loved her to the best of her abilities, she drags her mother around Italy bitching about every little thing her elderly mother does or did at someone time in her life. She does this while complaining what a dead weight her mother is on her dream trip, and at the same time patting herself on the back that she is such a amazing mother because her kids are willing to communicate online with her. 🙄 I no longer have any interest in reading any of her books,and from looking at the reviews they have I’m not the only one. She should have written this as fiction, but even then you would find yourself loathing the protagonist.

[Elizabeth R · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s possible this would get better, but I somehow doubt the nonstop ableism (so horrified to be seen with an elderly person using a walker; observing her mother moving slowly she thinks “kill me before I get to this stage”, WOW) and her mother’s racist remarks about not allowing her grandchildren to marry “nonwhites”, to which the author thinks “my mother is entitled to her opinions and prejudices” will persist and I’m disgusted by both. This was published in 2009, and since then the author has aged and welcomed a grandchild born in Korea. I hope she has been prompted to examine some of her beliefs.

[Caitlin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book difficult to read because of the author’s mean spirited tone and resentment towards her mother for merely being elderly and having multiple health ailments. For example, she tries to persuade her mother, who has congestive heart failure and arthritis, to not use her walker while sightseeing because she doesn’t like how it looks. The poor mother can barely walk 10 steps without getting winded. I was utterly appalled by the author’s lack of empathy and the amount of ignorance she had about her mother’s conditions and how best to safely accommodate her on the trip. Why did she invite and drag her disabled mother on the trip? To have material to write this book.

[Elizabeth Adams · Rating 2 out of 5]

I find it hard to say anything positive about this book, except that it made me think about my own relationship with my mother and how I wish I had been able to travel more with her.

The author struck me as one of the least self-aware writers I've ever encountered, especially when I learned that she considered becoming a nun! Perhaps the toxicity of her early relationship with her mother created so much damage that she was not able to recover - not even the beauty of Italy was able to penetrate - but honestly I'm surprised this book found a publisher.

[Maria Zieno Aebi · Rating 2 out of 5]

The title grabbed me as my elderly Mom is Italian, must use a walker, and would give anything to revisit Italy. I read it after returning from spending a difficult few weeks helping her with daily activities. All through the book I bounced between anger and pity towards the author. I thought it would be a light look at the difficulties of aging, but l kept having to put it down to get Christmas' horrible attitude off my mind. She can only hope that when the day comes that her daughter must adjust to her limiting capabilities, she will do it with more grace than she can muster.

[Kathleen Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading this book made me to never want to go to Italy and it made me miss my nice mother. I didn’t have much to read due to the coronavirus quarantine and this filled up one full day in the Az sun. The writer must have paid little attention to her mother as she didn’t realize the physical shape she was in before the extended trip to Italy. Yes, it’s quite a hassle to take care of someone who’s hard of hearing, irritable with a host of medical problems as well as incontinence and she didn’t do it patiently. If you want to take a selfish trip - go by yourself!