One of the major problems among many others with this book is that it feels as though the premise of this book died within the first chapter, and the rest of the book was spent dragging around said corpse of premise. Why did the premise end up dead so soon? Because it really wasn't taken care of very well. It takes good plot structure to pull off a premise, and that was unfortunately not being done.
The book didn't seem so sure what to do with itself. It was as though it tried to be in more than one place at the same time. The fact that there was such a big mix of events that took up too much space and stalled far too long for the plot was what made the book such a confusing mess. It might have promised some action and fantasy, but before that, let's have some romance here, some brooding here, some whining there, and OH! LOVE TRIANGLE! and random evil here, now they're dating, now her best friend is jealous, etc. The blurb promised a lot of fantasy, a kidnapping of a close friend and the race to save said close friend, but that plot wasn't even met halfway through the book. Before that we have Donna whining about having magic powers and beautiful markings on her arms and meeting Xan who broods a little and has scars on his back and Donna's best friend is jealous of Xan, and then stuff happens. I can understand wanting to have some events leading up to the promised plot points, however taking up more than half a book and still not meeting the promised plot is wasted space and a waste of time.
Besides wasting space with it's random sequences of unimportant events, the plot structure felt more like a pressed-for-time ramble rather than a story. I mean, in the first 14 pages Donna bitches, randomly shoves rants on magic in there, then bitches some more, goes to a party with her friend, then meets a hit guy whom she feels intrigued by. 14 FUCKING PAGES! “Oh woe is me. I have magic powers by the way. Oh, and I have magic scars on my arms. Woe is me. And everyone hates me. My friend is nice. Woe is me. He dragged me to a party full of people that hate me, by the way. I’m sad. Oh, there’s a guy. He’s hot.”
Also, what was up with the random switches to Donna's diary in first person? The book is told from THIRD person. And it already delves deep enough into Donna's (lack of) mind. Why do we need the diary? You can include diary entries from, let’s say a secondary character with a mystery for example, but when you’re showing us excerpts from the diary of the main character, who the story is centered on and whose diary doesn’t delve into anything deeper than what third person has presented us with in this book, it doesn’t work well.
The writing in this book was messy and borderline ridiculous. The descriptions were silly, unoriginal and repetitive as hell. How many times have I have to read about eyes sliding or looks flashing? I think I counted at least more than ten times for each. Just say 'he looked' or 'she looked' once in a while. You don't need to make a simple look sound fancy-ass. And there was too much description that we didn't need. Why should I care if Navin’s usual position is a slouch? Besides, everyone slouches on a bean bag chair. And why should I care if Navin watches Charmed for the hot chicks? Get ON WITH IT. Also some of the descriptions were down-right hilarious. This particular description made me laugh out loud:
“I’ll call you,” he threw over his shoulder.
HOW CAN YOU THROW A SENTENCE OVER YOUR SHOULDER?? I mean I know the guy has magic powers but HUH??
“Sorry I’m late” His voice was breathless, as though he had been hurrying.
Oh I’m sorry, I couldn’t register that he was in a hurry from the fact that he apologized for being late and being breathless at the same time.
Now onto the... characters...
Donna is someone I'd very much like to punch. She has something that every girl who grew up watching Sailor Moon and Charmed wishes they had: magic powers. And what does she do? Bitches.
So what if you're different? YOU HAVE MAGIC POWERS. You can do so much! You have so much freedom to do really awesome stuff! And she never really explains why her magic powers are so terrible. Oh right, apparently because it makes her 'different'. So? You have magic powers!!!
And also, why is Donna so desperate to fit in? Everyone treats her like shit except for Navin, and yet she still wants to fit in. Why? Why does she want to fit in with a bunch of people that are shallow enough to pick on someone because they have pretty scars? And also, these people are the lamest bullies on the planet with the worst insults. How can she be sad instead of laughing her ass off at them?
Speaking of scars, her whole issue with her scars is downright offensive. Her scars are beautiful, 'intricate' patters with occasional silver. That's nothing you hide, that's something you show off proudly. In real life you'd have people flocking around you going 'Holy shit, where did you get that done?' and not 'Oh my gawd you freak, you have like, pretty markings. We don't like you anymore.'
Let me tell you something Donna: Thanks to my fucked up hormones, I have a skin condition on my back that is only common in teenage males. In other words one patch on my upper back is a much darker shade of skin covered in thick black hair. In further other words, I have partially a man's back. Now THAT'S something I can't show in public. THAT'S something I have the right to be embarrassed about. If instead of my patch of male back I had pretty intricate patterns I'd show it off when I can get the chance. Because it's something that isn't looked upon as disgusting. Your scars are PRETTY TATTOOS, not freaking self inflicted cuts or burns or A MALE'S BACK.
And what in the heck was up with Navin?
"Oh hai Donna. I'm your best friend and I know that everyone hates you and I feel your pain girl. Oh by the way, the people who hate you are throwing a party and I'm invited and you're coming with me even though it would be an incredibly awkward and depressing situation but anyway, I'd get my image boosted so it's all good. OH! I see you have a potential boyfriend. OH! I see you have secrets. I'm going to start stalking you now. Kaythanksbye."
Let's just say I'm glad he gets kidnapped. I hope the creep stays kidnapped.
I don't have much to say for Xan other than the fact that I'm impressed with his apparent ability to throw sentences at people. Other than that he was very boring and tepid.
I didn't finish this book because I no longer gave a damn about it. The structure was a mess, and the writing made the whole experience even more unbearable. It's also extremely unoriginal, just like it's fellow YA paranormal romance cousins. Nothing we haven't seen before, and nothing that ever seems to be done well anymore.