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216 pages, Paperback
Published September 8, 2017
Thank God, it’s date night. My eyes caught a glimpse of the perfect dress for tonight I had found at a little shop earlier in the week. A couple of hours out with Owen, grown-up conversation, good wine, and great food. Exactly what I needed. What we need.
“I don’t think I can make it on time tonight, babe. I’m sorry.” Again?
This was the sixth date night he had canceled.
“I’ll be late. Going to grab dinner on my way, so don’t worry about me, okay?”
“Love you girls. Be good for your mom,” he said. I opened my mouth to tell him I loved him, but the call ended. Without an ‘I love you.’
“Sorry about your date, Mom,” Vivian said softly. “Yeah, Momma, that sucks. Your new dress is really pretty,”
How many times had I done this last month? More like the last seven years, a small voice whispered, and the heaviness in my heart only grew.
A feeling I had been trying to shake off for a while that had not wanted to be ignored, no matter how hard I tried. He’d been snapping at me.
Somewhere between having the twins and the last eight years, we had lost our way.
When I reached our bedroom, Owen was already in bed, his hair wet from a shower, sitting with his iPad. From the color of the case, it was his work one. What a surprise.
As a gifted plastic surgeon, Owen was highly sought after. I knew that. I admired him and was proud of every one of his accomplishments
Though now, I wasn’t sure he even wanted me around anymore.
He only did it with snide remarks or what he thought were jokes.
Could there be someone else?
“You looked like something was wrong,” he pointed out, and I wanted to roll my eyes. “I’m surprised you noticed,” I let slip, and he frowned.
“We could go to Santa Barbara next week. The girls start summer vacation,” I suggested knowing for the first time when I said ‘we,’ I didn’t mean with him. “I don’t know if I can get time off,” he told his iPad.
The one and only man I’d ever loved, given myself to, was sprawled out in our bed. Freshly showered, acting like I was painted on the walls. He hadn’t bothered asking how my day was. Or how he could help. Nothing about me or my day. Nothing.
Instead, he had gone straight to the bedroom after cancelling our date and snapping at me.
I’M SURPRISED YOU NOTICED. Her voice rang in his ears, waking him up in the middle of the night.
God, that damn tone in her voice. Defeated. Was it because he’d had to cancel their date?
She used to share every bit of her day. When had she stopped sharing? Or had he stopped listening? I’m surprised you noticed.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! When had he stopped looking at her? Seeing her? Appreciating her?
Suddenly, all the times he had joked about her cuddling into him in bed, commenting how hot he would get, walking away from her as she held him close at work events or family things bombarded his memory.
“Do you remember what happened last time you tried to do that?” she asked calmly, and he fought from wincing.
When was the last time he had kissed her? Really kissed her?
For that matter, when was the last time he’d made hot, passionate love to her?
“I like this camisole. Is it new?” he asked,
“No.” “Oh…” “You bought them.”
“Anniversary gift,” she shared, and he swallowed. “Though, I guess I was right in assuming it was Monique, and not you, who picked it out.”
So he had asked his assistant to go buy something so he wouldn’t forget.
“Are you leaving me?”
“I’m not sure. We’re… well... I’m….” She sighed. “Something is not right here, Owen,”
“He has no idea how wonderful you are,” she mumbled her sweet observation, while we both pretended to look at colors. “Simone…”
“He used to,” she pointed out, and I knew exactly where this conversation would go. “He knew exactly, but now—
“Maybe I should get one?” I asked out loud. “One what?” Simone asked, holding two cream-colored swatches. “A mommy makeover,” I clarified, tilting my head, touching my chin.
“Babe, that shit is bad. You should be careful eating that. And even if eating shit junk food sounded good, no can do. That was the hospital. Can we meet halfway to drop Becca?”
“They need me.”
“I know…” I should have left it there, but I couldn’t. Not today. Maybe not anymore. “But have you stopped to think that maybe we need you, too?” I asked. The words burned as they slipped out.
“Owen…” “I love you. I—” He didn’t get a chance to say more. His phone started to ring, and I bit my lip. “You have to go,”
“Monique,” I mumbled. His assistant. His really pretty, twenty-something, bubbly assistant. The kind you catch your friends giving each other looks about. The kind who no matter what kind of trust you have in your man, you worry him being around. “You have to go. She needs you.”
“Yeah, if you can, please. Just none of that crap you were mentioning earlier. We both can’t afford the calories, yeah?” This time, I couldn’t hold back the flinch. His words left me feeling as if he had struck me.
“Look, brother, all I’m saying is, maybe you kick it back a little. Take it down a notch. The more you’re here, the less you’re home with your family. Shit, last weekend, you came in to check on a patient. You said you were going to be here for ten minutes and left after me,” Paul pointed out.
“And while you’re here, your sexy-ass assistant is here as well.” Paul threw a curve ball Owen hadn’t been expecting.
“Be careful with that one,” he warned. Owen shook his head. “She’s harmless.” Owen shrugged it off. Monique was his assistant, and that was it.
“All I’m saying is, you’ve been outta the dating scene for a while. You don’t see it, but Monique’s trouble.”
“She does great work.” “I bet.” Paul laughed while he shook his head.
“She’s been calling you in a lot. Working late with you.” “It’s part of our job. Carol does the same with you.”
“Look, man, people talk. But people usually start to talk because they hear things.”
“I heard her telling one of the medical assistants she thought it was only a matter of time before you were finally going to leave Nadia.”
“And that you would be trading Nadia in for a younger model.”
“She insinuated something was happening between the two of you. Luckily, she was talking to Jean, and you know her. She doesn’t put up with gossip.”
“But the thing is, if she’s ballsy enough to tell someone like Jean, who do you think she’s already told?” Fuck.
“I had to cancel a fucking date,” he muttered, not quite believing it. “One? She’s leaving over one cancelled date? That doesn’t sound like…” Paul started to say, while Owen started to count how many of their date nights he’d had to cancel. Three dates? No, four. Shit. How many times had he broken off their date nights?
“Sometimes women hear shit from people they care about, and it gives them ideas.” “Like who? Have you heard anyone—” “You, man,” Paul pointed out bluntly, and Owen stilled. “I’ve never—” “Two weeks ago, at that BBQ we went to—” “At Ritter’s place?”
“Yeah. You said stuff here and there. I don’t even think you notice.”
Had he given Nadia the idea that something was wrong with her body? Did she think something was going on with him and Monique? How the hell had Monique ever got the idea that he was anything other than her boss?
“Monique, you are my assistant.” “I take care of you!” she shouted louder.
“You’re my assistant,” he repeated. The obvious pain that flushed over Monique’s face made him feel ill. He had never flirted with her. Never hinted at anything other than a work-place relationship. Had he? “I’m your assistant? That’s it?” she whispered; her nose flared. “Yeah.
“I thought you were going to leave her!” Monique shouted, waving her arms in the air dramatically. “Her? Nadia? My wife? Why would I do that? I love her!” he told her, his own voice rising.
“If you loved her the way you say you do, the way you tell everyone you do, you wouldn’t have led me on!” “I have never—” “Working late, telling me to call you anytime—” she started to go off on a tangent, but he stopped her. “For professional reasons—” “Having me cancel date nights for you. Six in a row.” Shit. Has it been six? “Sending me to buy her your wedding anniversary gifts. Just FYI, Dr. Disaster, a man in love makes time for his woman!” she shrieked.
“It’s what I do for my patients,” he growled, trying to keep his cool. “Having dinner with me!” “In the hospital cafeteria,“ he pointed out.
“Go to hell. You’re hot, but you are not worth all this.” She walked away swaying her ample ass in a skin-tight pencil skirt.
Though Owen’s comments about me not being able to afford to eat crappy food didn’t settle well. It wasn’t the first time he had said something insensitive, but there was no way I would go under the knife. Not for him, not for anyone. If he didn’t find me attractive after all this time, he could jump off a bridge.
Almost two. Why would a married man get home so damn late? How could he just fall asleep in his office?
“Come on, Owen. Let’s be honest. For one freaking minute at least. Alright? We both know my body didn’t bounce back after the girls.”
“Is that why you always tell me about the stuff I shouldn’t eat? Or how I should spend more time at the gym?”
“No.” She shook her head. “You wanted to have this discussion, and this time, I’m not going to sugarcoat things for you.” She sat up in bed, turning the light on her nightstand back on.
“You should go to sleep in the guest room,” she blurted out, making his body freeze.
“Sleep in the guest room. I can’t…” She sniffled and looked away from him. “Why did you come home this late?”
“There are other doctors on call. Nurses who watch over your post-op patients.” “Nadia.” “Was Monique there tonight?” she asked, twisting her head to look at him, and he squinted.
“I love you enough to tell you that this is not the time for us to talk about this. We are both tired—”
“When you can make time, I guess, but not right now. Right now, I love you, Owen, but I don’t like you a whole lot.” She left him stunned.
“Hey.” “Hey,” he said without looking up from his laptop, but that wasn’t new. I was used to him not seeing me. The anger that filled the air between us was new.
“If I go up there, all you’re going to do is ride my ass about shit I have to do to the house,” he snapped.
I was tired of being the one throwing lifesavers and watching him let them float past him. The need to kiss him hit, in case it would be the last time.
“Don’t go to Santa Barbara,” he asked for the first time. I looked at him. “Wait for me so I can go. We can go together.” “When?”
“When would that be, Owen?” I observed calmly, knowing where this was going. “You can’t even have dinner with us,“ I pointed out as gently as I could handle. Reality was a cold bitch.
“I’ll give you a chance.” His eyes brightened with hope, and I fought from flinching as I kept talking, “When you make time for us.”
“But I need to know I’m more than a housekeeper to you,” I answered honestly for once.
“Not even Paul, who is very single, does that. You have a family, Owen.” “I am just making sure—” “You are avoiding being home,”
Twin baby girls with colic and a sleep-deprived Nadia had been difficult, so he had chosen at times not to go home as soon as he could. As time passed…
“Then maybe you need to think about what you think she does and compare it to what she actually does.” Weren’t the two things one and the same? “Owen, I can’t imagine raising two very active twin girls alone is easy—” “She’s not alone—” he interrupted, but she wasn’t having any of it. “Isn’t she?” she asked with a challenging tone, and he frowned.
“No, you’re not. You’re just not one who’s present,” Claudia honestly pointed out, making him flinch.
“When was the last time you had dinner with your girls, Owen? Made breakfast with them? Did anything other than rushing past them to get somewhere else?”
“Nadia, you’re talking about renovations that will cost over twenty thousand dollars. You didn’t even talk about—” “I did. I did talk about it with you. What you didn’t do, was listen. Which honestly, I’m not surprised about.”
“You hardly ever get a complete weekend, and if you do, you always bring work home to hide out in your study,” she pointed out. He deserved it, so he wasn’t going to try to argue. “So, what did you do?”
How long has it been since we’ve had sex? I wondered as he pulled away.
“This isn’t like you breaking your dates with Mom and making a promise for the next week, is it?” she asked, and he blinked for a moment, wondering how the hell she knew that.
“Because if you are going to let us down, don’t bother promising,” she stated. The blow hurt more than he had initially thought it would.
“You should think about what promises mean before you make them,” Viv remarked, raising her eyes to his, her chin firm, even if her lips wobbled.