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Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them
This enlightening work investigates the history, incidence, and causes of a unique sexual lifestyle pursued by increasing numbers of couples. It is called by many names, and lived in a variety of ways by different couples. The most common terms used to describe it are 'hotwife' or 'cuckold lifestyle.' This sexual practice, a form of sexual nonmonogamy, is distinguished from swinging and polyamory in that the husband rarely seeks sexual contact outside the marriage except for participation in group sex with his wife and other men, while the wife is permitted and often encouraged to pursue unrestrained sexual encounters with other men. The author includes interviews and comments from couples living the lifestyle throughout the U.S., and presents the stories in an attempt to determine the history of this sexual practice and its role in society and in relationships. He explores the psychological, social, biological, and evolutionary underpinnings of this uncommon and socially taboo behavior in an effort to make it more comprehensible to those engaged in the lifestyle and those who are just curious.
312 pages, Hardcover
First published October 1, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
January 20, 2013
There was so much suspect about Insatiable Wives. First, it was wildly annoying that the research was uncited. Ley provided authors’ names, but there were too few proper footnotes for his “facts” or “history.” There was no point in taking notes since I couldn’t verify pretty much anything he said. Second, despite a handful of claims that this text is not premised on the claims of evolutionary psychology, the book reads a lot like an advocate for evolutionary psychology—an entire chapter on animals, huge sections on the competitive nature of sperm, rationales for sexual desires based on evolution rather than personal choice or social influence, an overabundance of references to David Buss. Third, the whole hot wife phenomenon seems farfetched. I don’t know if this I because I’m black and black slaves were forced to share their wives with white masters, but I don’t know any black men that desire to be a cuckhold. None. And since all his samples were white, I can’t disprove my theory. Fifth, since the book is mostly a man speaking to men about what it means to be a man and since no wives got to speak for themselves by themselves (a handful are quoted in convo with their husbands), I finished Insatiable Wives knowing very little about how the hotwives really feel about sleeping with multiple men with their husbands’ permission. Granted, I am certain the phenomenon exists. I am also certain that a husband watching his wife be pleasured by other men can be a turnon for both the husband and the wife, I just wish I could have read about it unfiltered via the lens of a rather awkward psychologist who randomly quoted his wife and friends and admitted to including his picture in his Craiglist ads for subjects. I also didn’t like how he described the wives he did meet. It sounded so objectifying the way he mentioned their breasts or other beauteous assets. It made me uncomfortable. This guy sounds like a creep who stumbled upon something sexy and got a book contract to write about it even though he’s clearly not the most qualified.
That said, I learned a lot about and I have new respect for people who choose nonmonogamy. It’s not for everyone. I really enjoyed reading about the women throughout history who got it in on their own terms with some of the great minds of our time. Those historical and literary chapters made me wish he had spent more time with contemporary women. I was also pleased that Ley argued for the myth of sexual addiction and urged society not to use mental disorder labels as the moral police for sexual behaviors the masses disapprove of.
That said, I learned a lot about and I have new respect for people who choose nonmonogamy. It’s not for everyone. I really enjoyed reading about the women throughout history who got it in on their own terms with some of the great minds of our time. Those historical and literary chapters made me wish he had spent more time with contemporary women. I was also pleased that Ley argued for the myth of sexual addiction and urged society not to use mental disorder labels as the moral police for sexual behaviors the masses disapprove of.
January 24, 2022
Very in depth book on, or about, sharing wives with other men, usually with the husbands blessing. I found it to be a bit heavy in places, for me, there wasn't enough input from couples in the lifestyle but overall, very well written book on the subject. Goes into the origins, the why's and wherefores of the cuck and hotwife scenarios..recommended to all those interested in the lifestyle.
January 29, 2016
Loved it!
Read
July 29, 2024It talks about how if you were caught cheating you’d be tortured or killed in the Christian faith all throughout history like up to like the 20th century and even today you’ll face if you’re married, you can face jail time which is rare, but you can lose a lot of money. 💰
The general mutilation was a practical normal to keep people more chastity in the Christian faith especially to women.
Things I really didn’t know about so I just thought it was interesting .
German used to bite off the nose of a woman if she was caught cheating Jews were known to stone people to death .
People were burned at the stake or drowned
Yeah 👍 it’s an interesting 🤨 book 📕 who would’ve thought it was a horror show.
That LGBTQ 🏳️🌈 freedoms where a break through in history in sexual violence against people
Before if you were with another partner they’d cut off a penis or other parts.
Just horrible things
The church has been known for celibacy and giving up sex for priest and nuns.
So I didn’t know how entrenched it was in the church til reading this 📕 book.
Even today people are instituting people and medicating people in psychiatry if they’re in many relationships outside of marriage.
I never knew that.
It is an eye opener book for sure seeing how much people are medicated and go through psychiatric problems when having sex, even in a marriage or outside of marriage.
I never new that was an diagnosable part of psychiatry
I guess one reason I’m thinking I’m doing so good 😊 in the psychiatry department is cause I haven’t had sex for almost ten years now.
I know TMI
But with my wife endometriosis it’s made it painful
So I do my own plumbing 🪠.
I’ve never knew how much of psychiatry relies on medicating peoples drive, to go to work and commute through traffic when most people just wanna cook food and have sex and dance in a waterfall naked
I blame the modern world 🌎
The general mutilation was a practical normal to keep people more chastity in the Christian faith especially to women.
Things I really didn’t know about so I just thought it was interesting .
German used to bite off the nose of a woman if she was caught cheating Jews were known to stone people to death .
People were burned at the stake or drowned
Yeah 👍 it’s an interesting 🤨 book 📕 who would’ve thought it was a horror show.
That LGBTQ 🏳️🌈 freedoms where a break through in history in sexual violence against people
Before if you were with another partner they’d cut off a penis or other parts.
Just horrible things
The church has been known for celibacy and giving up sex for priest and nuns.
So I didn’t know how entrenched it was in the church til reading this 📕 book.
Even today people are instituting people and medicating people in psychiatry if they’re in many relationships outside of marriage.
I never knew that.
It is an eye opener book for sure seeing how much people are medicated and go through psychiatric problems when having sex, even in a marriage or outside of marriage.
I never new that was an diagnosable part of psychiatry
I guess one reason I’m thinking I’m doing so good 😊 in the psychiatry department is cause I haven’t had sex for almost ten years now.
I know TMI
But with my wife endometriosis it’s made it painful
So I do my own plumbing 🪠.
I’ve never knew how much of psychiatry relies on medicating peoples drive, to go to work and commute through traffic when most people just wanna cook food and have sex and dance in a waterfall naked
I blame the modern world 🌎
January 18, 2011
OK, the lifestyles might be way out there for some people. But the biology, history, and religious aspects delved into regarding female sexuality left me - proud to be a woman physically. Maybe for the first time. And it's written by a man. So there you go.
April 12, 2012
I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I enjoyed this. I stumbled across the author's blog on Psychology Today and was persuaded to read his book. I'm not in the market for a lifestyle change, but I found it interesting and, yes, titillating in a weird way.
April 28, 2014
This book is definitely not for someone who does not have an open mind to the fact that there are alternative lifestyles out there and even married people can exist in a healthy way in these alternate lifestyles. That being said, I learned a lot from this book. I would recommend it.
April 9, 2022
This book was so helpful to me while writing OPEN, so that I could contextualize my experiences with hotwifing. This book was incredibly readable, yet packed with history, research, and information about the fetishes of hotwifing and cuckolding. It’s also an excellent primer on research into nonmonogamy and sexuality, and helps debunk the idea that women have a lower sexual or romantic appetite than men, with heavily cited lines like, “Substantial research has shown that women who are more independent financially, more educated, and less dependent upon their husbands are rather more likely to have sexual affairs, and also more likely to enjoy sex and pursue it for their own pleasure.” Essential reading for anyone interested in some very specific forms of nonmonogamy often excluded from conversations.
October 24, 2024
Ley has very predictable, liberal, prevailing ideas about female sexuality (a lot I don't agree with), and I expected that. However, I found the chapters containing historical examples of perceptions and incidences of female hypersexuality in contrast with strict sexual suppression quite interesting. Plus, the history of marriage and monogamy is something that's in general quite fascinating.
This is an ethnographic work of sorts because he interviews couples, so the theoretical elements had an added personal touch to them. No metaphysical aspects of sex are explored (expected). The tone and presentation were very positive, which made me quite sceptical also. But it's alright for what it is. It's interesting to know how some people choose to live.
Addition: Ley frames this teeming female sexuality as suppressed by society in order to prevent chaos, which I don't necessarily think is wrong. But historically, it's been the same for men, too. For most of human history, we have imposed strict sexual restrictions on both sexes, starting with the incest taboo, etc. But with men, it is to a lesser degree because men are far less likely to get raped and not likely at all to get pregnant. I don't know why so many academics get this so wrong.
This is an ethnographic work of sorts because he interviews couples, so the theoretical elements had an added personal touch to them. No metaphysical aspects of sex are explored (expected). The tone and presentation were very positive, which made me quite sceptical also. But it's alright for what it is. It's interesting to know how some people choose to live.
Addition: Ley frames this teeming female sexuality as suppressed by society in order to prevent chaos, which I don't necessarily think is wrong. But historically, it's been the same for men, too. For most of human history, we have imposed strict sexual restrictions on both sexes, starting with the incest taboo, etc. But with men, it is to a lesser degree because men are far less likely to get raped and not likely at all to get pregnant. I don't know why so many academics get this so wrong.
January 31, 2022
Dr. Ley presents fascinating stories of the people he interviewed who explore the sexual practice of hotwifing and cuckolding. I enjoyed learning from their perspectives and Ley’s research. Rose Caraway’s narration was fantastic as always!
The title of the book doesn’t really represent the book very well. It’s not really about women who “stray” but about the dynamics of heterosexual couples who participate in these particular practices within consensual non-monogamy.
The title of the book doesn’t really represent the book very well. It’s not really about women who “stray” but about the dynamics of heterosexual couples who participate in these particular practices within consensual non-monogamy.
March 3, 2014
Love the topic and it has a lot of interesting history and study evidence, so I can appreciate the research that went into it. Very disappointing how poorly written it is though. There were a lot of points where the author just repeated himself to the point where I would get confused and think I lost my place.
August 25, 2016
I adore this book. Even though I don't participate in some of the themes it opened my mind to new ideas and lead me to many, many, other great books.
July 17, 2022
Eye opening research on female sexuality
There are many alternative lifestyles to choose from, this surprised me quite a bit, because we are trained to think that women have lower sex drives than men. This was a real eye opener. The research work is second to none. I love the many historical references and the up to date references from the internet. I'm so glad he did this book to bring our secrets like these, hidden from us plain vanilla people. Phenomenal read that I will revisit.
There are many alternative lifestyles to choose from, this surprised me quite a bit, because we are trained to think that women have lower sex drives than men. This was a real eye opener. The research work is second to none. I love the many historical references and the up to date references from the internet. I'm so glad he did this book to bring our secrets like these, hidden from us plain vanilla people. Phenomenal read that I will revisit.
January 2, 2020
It is clear here that the author has more than a, ahem, passing interest in the topic. That being said, he covers the subject well and is quick to highlight certain aspects of ongoing debates in a clear manner. You will find little text on this subject that isn't fetish-material, but this book is at least able to steer clear of that to the point that I did not feel as if this was typed up with one-hand alone typing.
If you want to read an academic text about "cuckolding", "hot wifing," and nonmonogamy, this will be the book for you.
If you want to read an academic text about "cuckolding", "hot wifing," and nonmonogamy, this will be the book for you.
March 7, 2017
An objective attempt to bring rational and scientific thought and analysis to the subjects covered. The social sciences receive much less attention than making war and imprisoning our fellow citizens. This book documents the paucity of reliable study of core human issues of our sexuality. I cannot help but think we might have fewer problems if we re-examined what we fund and concentrate upon. I recommend this book to anyone who ever thinks about sex.
January 30, 2024
Soooo validating! So much research and history and science behind this book. Highly recommend.
December 20, 2021
An attempt to look at the cuckold and hotwife fetishes from a psychological standpoint, Insatiable Wives is both a fun and frustrating read. The author uses a combination of anecdotal stories and occasionally dubious sources of research information to try to understand the wife-sharing phenomena.
I do wonder who exactly this book was written for. Commoners would scoff at reading it and the core audience of fetishists will already be more than familiar with much of the information parleyed here. The language is often dry and hardly titillating, so it's not exactly written for the erotica crowd either. There is, however, a dearth of tomes about these fetishes from a psychological standpoint, and Insatiable Wives does go into the psychology behind wife-sharing quite a bit, so I have to believe the intended audience for this book are those interested in and wanting to learn more about sexual psychology.
I'll give David J. Ley credit for trying to present the men and women who partake in these types of alternative lifestyles in a more positive light than a lot of mainstream literature normally would, but I'm still not convinced that as an outsider looking in he really understands the differences and nuances between different aspects of these fetishes and that many of them are indeed their own separate entities. For instance, there is a lot of conflating between people who are swingers, people in open relationships, and people involved in a cuckolding relationship. Many of the kinkier aspects of both hotwife and cuckold relationships only get the briefest of mentions or are missed entirely.
This book was also originally published in 2009 and even in just a decade and change, the world has evolved considerably. The author does mention porn and the internet a few times, but both of these play an even more significant role in fostering these kind of fetishes today. Ley's own social politics occasionally surface throughout the text, and in the places where he alludes to conservatives or the religious right being potentially shocked by certain deviant sexual behaviors, you could now easily insert the progressive left as being the morality police trying to control or stamp out the sex trade. I also found the author's self-insert moments, particularly the way he seemed to be leering at the wives from the couples he interviewed, to be very odd and unsettling for someone supposedly approaching this subject matter from a clinical, academic stance.
However, where Insatiable Wives works is in the historical accounts of cuckoldry throughout the ages. Clearly the phenomena is nothing new and there existed men and women going back hundreds of years who partook in the lifestyle in one manner or another. The author also takes a look at some contemporary examples of cuckoldry that hit the headlines and the ensuing scandals (and some that even turned into court cases) that followed.
Not an altogether bad read, but certainly not an authoritative guide to these fetishes.
I do wonder who exactly this book was written for. Commoners would scoff at reading it and the core audience of fetishists will already be more than familiar with much of the information parleyed here. The language is often dry and hardly titillating, so it's not exactly written for the erotica crowd either. There is, however, a dearth of tomes about these fetishes from a psychological standpoint, and Insatiable Wives does go into the psychology behind wife-sharing quite a bit, so I have to believe the intended audience for this book are those interested in and wanting to learn more about sexual psychology.
I'll give David J. Ley credit for trying to present the men and women who partake in these types of alternative lifestyles in a more positive light than a lot of mainstream literature normally would, but I'm still not convinced that as an outsider looking in he really understands the differences and nuances between different aspects of these fetishes and that many of them are indeed their own separate entities. For instance, there is a lot of conflating between people who are swingers, people in open relationships, and people involved in a cuckolding relationship. Many of the kinkier aspects of both hotwife and cuckold relationships only get the briefest of mentions or are missed entirely.
This book was also originally published in 2009 and even in just a decade and change, the world has evolved considerably. The author does mention porn and the internet a few times, but both of these play an even more significant role in fostering these kind of fetishes today. Ley's own social politics occasionally surface throughout the text, and in the places where he alludes to conservatives or the religious right being potentially shocked by certain deviant sexual behaviors, you could now easily insert the progressive left as being the morality police trying to control or stamp out the sex trade. I also found the author's self-insert moments, particularly the way he seemed to be leering at the wives from the couples he interviewed, to be very odd and unsettling for someone supposedly approaching this subject matter from a clinical, academic stance.
However, where Insatiable Wives works is in the historical accounts of cuckoldry throughout the ages. Clearly the phenomena is nothing new and there existed men and women going back hundreds of years who partook in the lifestyle in one manner or another. The author also takes a look at some contemporary examples of cuckoldry that hit the headlines and the ensuing scandals (and some that even turned into court cases) that followed.
Not an altogether bad read, but certainly not an authoritative guide to these fetishes.
July 5, 2025
Dust jacket cover
Well this book felt weird. It must have been groundbreaking at the time when it came out in 2009. It kind of felt like it tried to drive in tèo lanes at the same time. On the one hand, it spent time interviewing couples who were exploring their sexuality and getting into hotwifing. On the other hand, it spent half the book trying to discuss the historical precedent behind the practice. It couldn’t really mesh thể topics cohesively together and it felt like there were two separate books at the same time, which may have been what it was going for
Well this book felt weird. It must have been groundbreaking at the time when it came out in 2009. It kind of felt like it tried to drive in tèo lanes at the same time. On the one hand, it spent time interviewing couples who were exploring their sexuality and getting into hotwifing. On the other hand, it spent half the book trying to discuss the historical precedent behind the practice. It couldn’t really mesh thể topics cohesively together and it felt like there were two separate books at the same time, which may have been what it was going for
October 4, 2025
This book will, at the very least, cause you to question what you understand about female sexuality, and maybe even male sexuality. It's a very broad look at female sexuality through time, in media and art, evolutionary and psychological perspectives, as well as contemporary attitudes.
I did feel the book ascribed a causative effect, particularly to the evolutionary principles, where there are plenty of other explanations that need to be taken into consideration, for many of its conclusions.
It would have been helpful to hear more contemporary accounts from the wives themselves.
I did feel the book ascribed a causative effect, particularly to the evolutionary principles, where there are plenty of other explanations that need to be taken into consideration, for many of its conclusions.
It would have been helpful to hear more contemporary accounts from the wives themselves.
July 8, 2018
Como exploración del cuckolding, del estilo de vida swinger y de las howtwives, este es un gran libro y clavado interesante en intentar describir la práctica desde una perspectiva clínica y un tanto moralmente objetiva.
Como análisis sobre la infidelidad y la no-monogamia, me parece, se queda cortísimo.
Como análisis sobre la infidelidad y la no-monogamia, me parece, se queda cortísimo.
July 20, 2019
Choke full or anecdotes, this book was fun to read. Especially how these people stumbled into this lifestyle and found that it actually made their relationships stronger. All in all, I do agree that its best to find out what works for you. Not everyone who tried being non monogamous was successful.
August 29, 2020
A great examination of the cuckold lifestyle, a nonmonogamous relationship dynamic that is often misunderstood. I enjoyed the historical, biological and psychological slant this book took in examining the concept of a “hot wife”. Very interesting and timely read for anyone who enjoys learning about sexualities and varied relationship dynamics
February 16, 2022
Very informative, it may be my cognitive bias, but this work provided historical references of the human female's sexuality since the beginning of recorded history. Some of the examples of historical figures will surprise some.
If you're interested in human sexuality, this is a worthy read.
And, the title is only one topic of many in the book, "stray" is a misnomer.
If you're interested in human sexuality, this is a worthy read.
And, the title is only one topic of many in the book, "stray" is a misnomer.
October 5, 2022
…Contrary to the social belief that cuckoldry is rare, and that accepted sexual infidelity by wives is even rarer, there is a long, long history of husbands who actively and passively allow their wives to take other lovers…
Please read the rest of my review here:
https://rogueliterarysociety.com/f/in...
Please read the rest of my review here:
https://rogueliterarysociety.com/f/in...
January 9, 2019
Some of the historical stuff was cool and the different psychological influence were interesting. Dragged in some parts and I personally am not interested in reading about different couples for half the book but I obviously cannot speak for others.
September 5, 2019
Great read. Thanks Davis, I enjoyed it.
Mike A. Lloyd - Author of The Lovely Vixen
Mike A. Lloyd - Author of The Lovely Vixen
April 30, 2023
Very interesting read. More anecdotal than scientific, but still fascinating.
April 29, 2024
Very interesting topic but ran a little long
June 21, 2025
What a book. I guarantee it will open your mind. I especially loved the stories of the couples in between the lectures.
Many things to put into practice. Worth my time, money and energy
Many things to put into practice. Worth my time, money and energy
December 3, 2025
Another super book~
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews