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447 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 14, 2020
He felt it, inside of himself, down in the very dregs of his gut and soul, something shift and shatter. It wrenched a gasp from his throat, squeezed tears from his eyes.
Bel wasn't cold anymore, but hot, too hot. He sobbed, felt the wet gush of tears coming, tasted the saltiness along his upper lip. He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, and it hurt, oh it hurt, deep down there. It felt as if deep down wanted to come up, out of his mouth and eyes, the tears pulled from the very core of him, unstoppable.
His teeth bared. Everything was leaking out of him from everywhere. This is what it is to come apart. He was dissolving.
But hands were there, warm and dry, that smelled of yeast and bread and other warm things. They stroked over Bel's hair again. Then an arm cradled his head to the crook of an elbow, took the weight. Bel filled a fist with Pol's shirt, hanging on...
Alix stared up at Lena for a long moment, face so childlike but fierce even in the dark... "You think I care about becoming a knight?... Well, I don't give two shits about becoming a knight. Never have and never will... It was a good offer. Came with learning to fight, free food, clean clothes. Get off the streets... But I didn't take it because of that, either. Plenty of fucks who'll give kids like me that kind of thing, for a price. But not you. You didn't want to use me. You wanted to help. You cared...
"I don't care about being a knight. Not one of them ever stopped to help me or any other kid like me. Not one knight stood up to Balderak or the other rich fucks who abuse their power. But you did. I don't give a fuck about being a knight, but I sure as seven hells give a fuck about you. So if you say you're going north, then I'm going too. If you say you're going to cross the eastern ocean to pull out mermaid hair, then that's where I'm going too. And if you're going to Highclere to marry the prince just to piss off the fucking king, then I sure as hells am going with you... I don't care about pledging myself to king and country, but I promise - where you go, I'll go; I'll watch your back and defend you 'til the end. You're my friend, Lena, and I protect my friends."