Diseases of the soul

by Mel Lallande

For whom? For everyone who yearns for sensitivity and reflections. For those who don't await sex scenes and action. For the individuals made defective by the day-to-day grind and rejected by the society. For those, for whom getting up in the morning is a sick torment. For the individuals who can't find understanding in their close ones. Amanda is a unique individual. But not because she has superpowers. What makes her unique is her disease - she suffers from schizophrenia. She hears voices; day and night. But sometimes she also sees... And she is living in an unusual place - it's a mental hospital. She meets other girls - Melissa, who almost died of bulimia and Veronica who is hemmed around by depression. Each of them has a story to tell. And there is Cassandra, who makes everyone's life miserable... "Having depression is like dying when you're still alive. To live and be dead. A person lives in an empty shell called the body but they feel there is no soul inside. As if it's gone somewhere and never returned. And that person waits and waits but the soul never returns. Where can the soul go? Not shopping or to visit friends. That's for sure. Depression is also the feeling when something inside us is screaming but no one can hear it. When we die every day. Every day anew. Forever and ever. You dream like everyone else. But your dreams don't bring you consolation or rest. You wake up and try to get up like everyone. But it takes a lot longer and you don't know why you should do you find no reason. You could lie an hour or two, look blankly at the ceiling and still have no strength to get up as if the energy tank has been drained out. And even when you're starving to death you deem it an insignificant side effect which is easier to endure than the feeling of pointless existence. Statistically speaking you can have everything a bigger house, a more handsome husband, better pay, children so smart and so beautiful. But it's just statistics. In reality you'll never find any comfort in it. These are rather the things that are your burden as if only through their existence they caused the feeling of guilt in you. And this friend. The friend whose name you don't even remember seems to be always happy, as if he had everything but you know full well that's not true. Maybe the statistics don't work with such people. Maybe they miss something that can't be measured. There are days like today. It seems everything is birds are singing, the sun is shining. But it's on those days that you realize the most that you're just an insignificant spec in the universe and when you die there will be only a tombstone left after you and even it will be consumed by the destructive forces of time and nature... It will be as if you've never existed. There will be others who come after you and they'll share the same fate. In addition, you know exactly what your life will look like. The next day. Month. Year. No special surprises." - an excerpt from the book.

148 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 27, 2020

Reviews

[hania]

tak specyficzna ze nie umiem jej nawet ocenić