Marrying the Mistress

by Joanna Trollope

The court official leaned closer.
"What's gone past," he said, "is not just an advocate, any old lady advocate. What's gone past is his Honour's totty."

And what's going past is the life of Guy Stockdale, a 62-year-old judge, who has been married forever, has two sons--Simon and Alan--and three grandchildren. For the past seven years, he's also had a mistress. Merrion Palmer is intelligent, attractive, and half Guy's age, which also makes her younger than both Simon and Alan. Her dad died when she was a toddler and she's well aware that Guy is something of a father substitute. For years the role of mistress has suited her, but, suddenly, this style of relationship isn't enough for either of them. They've both had enough of sneaking around and avoiding people, so Guy has momentously made up his mind to leave his wife, Laura, and marry Merrion.

Marrying the Mistress dives into the shock waves that buffet the Stockdale family after Guy leaves Laura. The novel addresses the question of how his sons are going to cope, the explosive opinions of his forthright daughter-in-law Carrie and what his teenage grandchildren make of it all. Can any of them avoid taking sides? Should they? And what about the abandoned wife, Laura, a woman apparently so long-sufferingly self-sacrificing she makes Mother Teresa look selfish?

Genres: Fiction, Chick Lit, Contemporary, Romance, Womens Fiction, Novels, British Literature

327 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Joanna Trollope Potter Curteis (aka Caroline Harvey)

Joanna Trollope was born on 9 December 1943 in her grandfather's rectory in Minchinhampton, Gloucestershire, England, daughter of Rosemary Hodson and Arthur George Cecil Trollope. She is the eldest of three siblings. She is a fifth-generation niece of the Victorian novelist Anthony Trollope and is a cousin of the writer and broadcaster James Trollope. She was educated at Reigate County School for Girls followed by St Hugh's College, Oxford. On 14 May 1966, she married the banker David Roger William Potter, they had two daughters, Antonia and Louise, and on 1983 they divorced. In 1985, she remarried to the television dramatist Ian Curteis, and became the stepmother of two stepsons; they divorced in 2001.

From 1965 to 1967, she worked at the Foreign Office. From 1967 to 1979, she was employed in a number of teaching posts before she became a writer full-time in 1980. Her novel Parson Harding's Daughter won in 1980 the Romantic Novel of the Year Award by the Romantic Novelists' Association.

Reviews

[Elaina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Someone gave this book, and I will say that it was engaging. But somehow the values seem messed up. It's all about this guy who cheats on his wife of forty-something years and him and his mistress are made out to be the good guys and the cheated on, nagging though not that bad wife is the bad guy. I know things aren't always black and white, and maybe the book is meant to challenge pre-conceptions. Whatever.

[Pearl · Rating 2 out of 5]

Set in England, this story centers on Judge Stockdale who is in his 60ties, has two grown up sons and who also had a mistress on the side for 7 years. He decides he wants to start a new life and leaves his wife of 40 years to do the “honorable thing” and marry his mistress who is 30 years his junior. The sons and a daughter-in-law quickly side with the Father and even become friends with the mistress. This is a story of a dysfunctional family at its worse. With family members disloyality being so intense against the poor wife that it was beyond belief.

This is the first Trollope novel I have read and although she seems to be a popular writer in UK and a couple of her books turned into TV movies (Masterpiece Theater) this particular novel got very mixed reviews and I certainly can understand why. It seemed as if part of the story was missing. Why did everyone turn against the wife? What did she do in the past 40 years to warrant this shocking treatment by her family?

In summary, I doubt very much if I would bother reading another of Trollope’s books.

[Chris Gager · Rating 3 out of 5]

Picked this one up last night. Very much in the vein of Rosamund Pilcher, Anita Brookner, Iris Murdoch etc. Very straightforward contemporary English middle-class melodrama. Ms. Trollope(the name does ring a bell, doesn't it?) doesn't waste any words as she takes the reader right inside the confusion and misery that the title action brings to a family. One slight concern ... is this SO darned "realistic" that it risks seeming kind of trivial? We'll see.

- Isn't the one gay son(out of two) a bit of a cliche'? As soon as Alan came on the scene I was like ... wait for it ... yup, he's gay.

Moving along as the crisis deepens for just about everybody as the author skillfully deploys rampant codependency in the service of interesting family/relationship fiction. In a clever turn, the party most aggrieved is being painted as something of a manipulative victim and victimizer. Being a firm member of Alanon for many years I want to shout "Stop that bullshit right now!" I guess that means that Ms. Trollope is succeeding - with me at least.

- The "surprise" sex scene is not really a surprise is is? Some of this stuff is kind obvious. Same with the following-on denial of sex.

- This is a textbook of codependency. Connect-the-dots melodrama. Still well-written, however.

Now past the halfway point and am still up in the air about the worthiness of continuing. So far the thing is mostly a downer and since this can't(IMHO) be considered serious literature one wonders about the point of it all. It's easy enough to keep reading, being a gem of clarity compared to David Foster Wallace.

Almost finished last night, but I decided to honor the bedtime boundary. No real suspense here anyway, but I do expect there to be some sadness or other. Laura? Will she do some growing up? Others are encouraging her to do so in interesting ways. She reminds me of the overbearing mother in Mary Renault's "Return to Night."

- Jack gets his romantic ass handed to him by a junior semi-slut. He shouldn't have been screwing a 15-year old anyway. Isn't that like, illegal? Shouldn't his parents have tried to put a stop to it, or at least talked to him about it? You KNEW that was going to happen, and, in fact, a fair amount of the plot stuff seems a bit predictable.

Finished a couple of nights ago with plot threads kind of dangling into the future. Some are happier, some are sadder. Oh well ... I think it's fair to say that the author is kind of down on May-December romances that lead to marriage. She makes a fair point. Guy ought to have looked into the issues preventing him and Laura from having a better life together rather than to have pursued a woman younger than at least one of his own kids. Laura was as much to blame. She needs to grow UP. Never too late ... The author seems to approve of two horny mid-teenagers getting it off relentlessly. Not so sure about that one(though I sure would have liked to have that in my 16th year!) At the rate she was going at age 15, Moll was headed for slut-hood.

- A tough book to rate. Entertaining to read, but not exactly a heavy-hitter literature-wise. 3.5* rounds down to 3*.

[AngryGreyCat · Rating 1 out of 5]

Should be 1.5 stars.
Marrying the Mistress by Joanna Trollope is about divorce and the ripples of devastation that it can cause in a family. My daughter came in while I was reading this and asked what was the matter. I told her the plot to the book and so she just said, “So, you’re rage reading.” That about sums it up.

Guy (60s) is married to Laura (60s) and has been for 40 years. For the last 7 he has been carrying on an extensive affair with Merrion (31…younger than Guy and Laura’s kids), now he has decided to divorce Laura and ride off into the sunset with his child bride. Laura is written is such way to ridicule her and her plight, the plight of many 60+ year old women who are dumped after many years of marriage and family. Laura’s kids make nice with Guy and Merrion basically being completely disloyal to her. Her son, Alan, in particular is glib and has a completely patronizing attitude (someone needed to take him out behind the woodshed and tan his behind). The only other older female character is Gwen, Merrion’s mother, who is horrified by what Merrion is doing and she is also treated with dismissal. The characters and the book totally ignore that as a 60+ woman, who has been a stay at home mum for basically her whole life allowing her husband to advance his career significantly, the outlook for her in divorce is bleak. One of the characters actually suggests Laura go off and do a pottery class….what?!? How patronizing?

Anyway- that is my rant over, I could keep going but I’m sure you get the idea. On the plus side no one writes the details of domestic life like Joanna Trollope. She does this beautifully and in such a way to make them utterly absorbing, but without any sappy sentimentality.

[Catherine Vamianaki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Η Ερωμένη Του Δικαστή...ειναι Η ιστορία ενός 60χρονου Δικαστή τον Γκαι με την πολυ νεαρή και ανερχόμενη δικηγόρο την Μαριον. Διαβάζοντας αυτο βιβλίο έχεις την αίσθηση ότι όλοι οι άνθρωποι έχουν δικαίωμα στην ευτυχία...ομως από την άλλη....η γυναίκα του Δικαστή η Λορα...που έζησε διπλα του 40 χρόνια...οι γιοι του, τα εγγόνια του...που ζουν την διάλυση του γάμου του παππού και της γιαγιάς. Είναι μια σύγχρονη ιστορία που θέτει πολλα ερωτήματα για το 'σωστό ' και 'πρέπει της κοινωνίας σήμερα. Το συστήνω.

[Ginny Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a much more serious book. It made me think about what would happen to a family after adultery is made known. It was set in England in the current times. The grandfather decides it is time to make his 7-year relationship with a young mistress known, and leave his wife of 30 years. The author had a great style- she would switch between all of the characters- showing their point of view, and what was going on in their life/head. It was interesting to see everyone's point of view from the grandparents, all the way down to the grandchildren. The mother was annoying- a manipulator, but still playing the role of the victim. Interesting book.

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's been a Trollope sort of month. Joanna is some distant relative of Anthony. I'd seen the Masterpiece Theater productions of her books The Choir and The Rector's Wife and really liked them. So, browsing in the Trollope section of the library led me to her books. Marrying the Mistress is just that; events around the protagonist's announcement that he is leaving his wife of 40 years to marry his mistress of seven years. The book details the affect this has on everybody in the family--grown sons, grand-children, significant others, wives, mothers, etc. I especially liked the portrayal and character development of the three teen-aged grandchildren, who seemed the most wise of the lot. I'm anxious to read her other books now.

[Belinda · Rating 2 out of 5]

So boring! Must have been hard to write such a tedious book.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading some less than positive reviews I found I liked this book more than some of the other readers posted.

Though one of the main complaints I read was that the mother (Laura) a woman being left after forty years of marriage was painted as the bad "guy" since she was the one being left Trollope maintains consistency in Laura's character as someone who's relied on others to give her life meaning. So when she's left by her husband because of her lacking character and building herself around her husband she clings to her eldest son taking him away from his family. It's plausible and makes her a less likable character as she becomes bolder to try and take hold of her life in an improper manner. You feel for the Guy character as he tried to make his marriage work and then found someone who made him feel better about his life and where he wanted to take it.

The story centers around how everything affects everyone in the family from the poor Mama's boy, Simon, to his suffering wife, Carrie, who's been battling for her husband since the day they married. The outsider son, Alan, comes to the rescue in the end in regards to Laura with the help of his beau who push her to move forward instead of trying to remain still. The approach they have with her character fits so that she can try to grow and stop relying on others.

Trollope is successful at painting a scene of a family who may have gone to ruins but through open communication and true love is able to make things better and rally around each other to better times. It's a good read and keeps you interested throughout.

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finished Marrying the Mistress (Joanna Trollope) early this morning after staying up most of last night to read it! Loved it. Love Trollope. No one does a better job at creating REAL characters, lovable for their flaws as well as their virtues. Every character is so expertly drawn that you feel you know them in your real life. This is a story about a typical family, with the parents having been married for 40+ years, with grown children who are now raising children of their own. Suddenly, Guy, the patriarch, a well respected judge in his 50's, meets a young female barrister while on a train to London. Guy was not enthralled with his marriage to Laura, a woman who is somewhat of a shrew, but he wasn't looking to leave, either. He and the barrister fall madly in love and carry on, secretly & happily for the next 7 years until he decides he MUST marry this MUCH, MUCH younger woman. She is younger than his children, and it is no surprise that her own father died when she was a baby, and she is drawn to GUY, in part, because he IS old enough to be her father. The story plays out against the fallout from Guy's decision. Every single child, grandchild, and even minor character has a role in this well written tale. Now i am on to the next Trollope in my pile: The Rector's Wife.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

Joanna Trollope's books always sucker me in but I can't really think of one that I've really liked. This was the same. The positives first: she writes a mean domestic scene, dinner prep, weeding the garden, fetching a glass of water at midnight all are perfect scenes of modern domestic life without any trace of nostalgia for the good old days. She is far, far better at this than her peers. She keenly observes real people and her best characters in this book are three teenagers and their parents.

The negatives: surprisingly the worst characters are the women closest to Trollope's own age. The wife who was cheated on for 7 years gets no sympathy from Trollope and she really creates a character designed to force the reader not to sympathize either. Same thing goes for the mother of the mistress.

(Spoiler Alert)
The worst bit: She pulls her punch in that the title is only a tease and the marriage never takes place. I can't see people who have been that insensitive of others for 7 years suddenly developing so much sensitivity that they'd break up. Trollope's ending succeeds in rehabilitating everyone but the deceived wife. Sorry, that's not fair or real.

[Angelique · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's easy to dismiss "domestic fiction" as brainless twaddle, and I always feel my hackles rise when I read this author's bio, which highlights her relationship to her famous relative. Nonetheless, I couldn't help but be drawn into what seemed to me to be an authentic portait of several marriages, generational differences, and telling details of domestic life for all ages. The author has a sure touch, and writes knowingly about the minutiae of daily life and the characters' interactions, both familial and romantic.

[Kelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read quite a few books by J. Trollope before, and this was one of my favorites. She does a wonderful job setting up the characters. I was caught up in the tension between the mom/ex-wife, her son, and her daughter-in-law as they strive to come to terms with their ex-husband/father/father-in-law and his mistress, and it was the questions of what each would do that kept me reading until I'd finished the book in one night (way too late).

[Michelle · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried to get into this book but I just couldn't. What the heck was I thinking, from the title alone? I think I had heard good things about this author, but had I really read the inside cover, I would have realized this was not the book for me. I just don't particularly like English books in modern times by middle-aged women. I know that sounds absolutely horrible, but I would classify this author with someone like Danielle Steel or someone like that.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, Anthony Trollope she isn't, but it was still quite a bit better than I expected. Also, I am now a perfect saint-style book club member.

[LenA · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jag gillade den här. En gift äldre man och en betydligt yngre kvinna möts och kärlek uppstår. Så lätt att ha fördomar om och så lätt att fördöma, men här får man lite olika perspektiv som inte är enbart i svart och vitt. Lättläst engelska och läsvärd bok. En stark 3:a.

[Katrice · Rating 3 out of 5]

January 28, 2012

Well. That was definitely not the ending of a fun little romp. Definitely not the chick-lit I was hoping for. Never the less it was a good book. The way she tells the story from the different points of views of all involved may make things seem a little disjointed, unlike if we were seeing things through the eye of one narrator, but I think it does a good job of showing just how complicated a situation like this might actually be.

I liked the characters. The way they were fleshed out. From the parties involved - the wife, the mistress, the man - to the "bystanders" - sons, daughters-in-law, grandkids - who are less directly involved but still caught smack in the middle. It's really a family drama about discovering who you are and what ties are essential and important. While she obviously is biased towards certain characters, she never makes anyone really unsympathetic. Even the character most to "blame", you can't help feeling for.

The ending is. . . bittersweet and kind of ambiguous. I turned the last pages barely able to believe that that was IT. That she was leaving us there. It's kind of an unsatisfactory ending from the narrative point of view. But from the thematic, well, I think maybe the thematic point she was trying to get us too was best delivered by Guy in the end: Doors close in your life, doors open. They don't always do it when you want them to. But they keep doing it.

Stuff happens. It is messy. That's what happened to the characters in the story. In the end, the ending isn't pat or neat, but you get the feeling that they'll muddle through somehow. So am okay with closing the door on them there.

[Dee Mills · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me a long time to get invested enough in the characters to want to finish it. It picked up and I liked it at least enough to give it 3 stars. I thought there were too many stories going on, and usually I don't mind that. I think it bothered me here because I didn't care enough. I think the author would have done well to involved us in the back stories a bit more at the beginning and drop some of the stories. Also, I found Laura's character jarring. What was presented as her back story just didn't mix with the way she behaved after the breakup. She was definitely the problem that moved the plot along, but I didn't believe it.

[Kyra · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book resonated pretty painfully with me for reasons I don't want to go into. It is very well-written, and the only caveat I might mention is that the kids are way too smart, way too empathetic and way too precocious. Most teenagers are fairly self-absorbed and do not pick up on all the adult signals flying around as well as these kids did.
I was fascinated, could not put it down and will definitely try more Joanna Trollope.

[Cc · Rating 1 out of 5]

Puh-leeaasee.............there will always be explanations (EXCUSES) for infidelity, but at least make it interesting, otherwise we are just reading sleaze.

[PagePilgrim]

What drawn out drivel, honestly. I can't finish this, it's insanely boring.
Also, a mistress thats made out to be a hero instead of the glorified whore it is - can't be bothered.

[Cindy · Rating 3 out of 5]

First let me warn, I'm in one of my famous moods and this is merely my opinion while in said Temperament ! But who knows ,perhaps I'll be back to revise this a day or two!
But for now here goes...
On a positive note,this is well written.
However,I am sorry to say that I didn't love this.It is Woman's literature encompassing way to many personalities, some unlikeablel,catty and or of questionable repute.However it is the soon to be discarded h,that is an ott, narcissistic parody of a human,wife and mother.So disturbing that I had trouble seeing past my alarm, thus infecting my impressions of the entire cast.
However,as my head began to wrap around the relationships (or lack there of)events and behavoirs,I felt a vague sense of compassion for her emotionally stunted and stagnancy ,lending toward a truly self serving, manipulative persona
Its hard to jive w a cheat tale when the victim is selfish, juvenile and repugnant and the over riding theme feels penne ante and self absorbed.
A final selfless scene did touch me where upon a previously absent grandson and his partner opened their hearts to the victims h ,of whom the entire cast notoriously decried!

I just wanted to add that if I had different expectations, I might have enjoyed this more.I was anticipating more of a relationship and thus potential for redemption for them as a couple.Impossible here!
This is when fully researching,getting extreme spoilers might have been beneficial😂

[Rita Chapman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Marrying the Mistress - the Judge's fantasy. However, when the Judge finally tells his family he is going to divorce his wife and marry his mistress it sets off a chain-reaction of emotions he finds he is not really ready to face. Then there is the mistress - does she really want to become the wife?

[Linda Louch · Rating 3 out of 5]

Judge Guy Stockdale had been having an affair for seven years with Merrion Palmer when he decided he wanted to marry her. When he told his wife Laura and two sons, the repercussions that followed turned everyone's lives upside down and caused them all to rethink their relationships and working lives and causes unexpected outcomes. A riveting read.

[Michelle Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this! Read it years ago, and then again through the week.. one of her best books

[Conniegull · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 1/2 stars

[Colette Coles · Rating 1 out of 5]

ZZZZZZZZ

[Trudy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book focuses on Guy and his wider family. He has been cheating on his wife for a number of years and sadly, Laura, the wife, is made out to be the ‘bad guy’ who has brought everything on herself! The novel explores lots of different, difficult relationships from young to old, with some resolutions.

It was quite interesting and not a too taxing, read.

[Sevim Tezel Aydın · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written...
Marrying the Mistress is a family drama. Guy, a respected 60-year-old family man and judge, has been in love with Merrion, a young lawyer, for the last seven years. He decides to leave his wife of 40 years and live with Merrion. So a big storm breaks out in the family...
Joanna Trollope is a good storyteller and a reliable observer of family issues and relationships. In this novel, she keeps a good balance of moral and emotional aspects of the events; she voices every related person's point of view...

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book in the entirety. I was entertained, I guess. But, at the same time... Your father cheats on your mother for 7 years. He is a judge, a grandfather. The woman is in her 30's. You don't have a problem with your wife wanting to meet her and have her over for dinner? Odd. I get it. The mother was manipulative, pretended to be helpless and relied far too heavily on her older son. For everything. But still. Does that warrant all this welcoming the Other Woman into your home with open arms? Maybe that's how things are done in other households. Guy was married to Laura for probably about 40 years. They have two grown sons. Simon and Alan. Guy has been cheating with Merrion for 7 years. It's about more than cheating and the after effects. It's about familial relationships, and not being fulfilled. None of characters were fully fleshed out. The ending was really not surprising. There was a sub plot about Simons son that I found more interesting. Oh well. I don't think this book would make me a fan of this author.