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Sex and the Soul of a Woman: The Reality of Love and Romance in an Age of Casual Sex
Recapture Your Heart's Truest Longings Deep in her heart, every woman longs for a man to see her beauty and cherish it. We long to be pursued and courted, and to make love to someone who truly loves us for keeps. Yet today, 'healthy and normal' implies giving ourselves sexually with no expectation of depth, intimacy, or commitment. We're expected to handle our relationships with men with no jealousy when they're threatened, no fear of their ending, and no grief when they do. The proof of our equality with men has become our ability to flatline a broken heart. Compassionate counselor Paula Rinehart understands the high price a woman pays in loosening her sexual boundaries, and the unique role sex plays in forging a bond meant to last a lifetime. She shows you how to break free from the bondage of misused sexuality and how to create a whole new start with men.
192 pages, Paperback
First published February 17, 2004
43 people are currently reading
330 people want to read
About the author
Paula Rinehart
24 books38 followers I'm happy to share with you my latest book (written with Connally Gillam). It's called ...And Yet Undaunted: Embraced by the Goodness of God in the Chaos of Life. I think you'll find it a fresh take on God's goodness when life look anything but that, so to speak. Some of you know I wrote Strong Women, Soft Hearts and Sex and the Soul of a Woman. I'm a counselor and speaker living in Raleigh, North Carolina, but really, my first love is writing and books.
I think you'll find this latest book, especially, describes the life you are living....and the hope on the horizon you can see, however faintly at times.
I think you'll find this latest book, especially, describes the life you are living....and the hope on the horizon you can see, however faintly at times.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews
February 18, 2023
Purging my physical keepers shelf and this was hiding behind other books. I don’t recall much of this book, but I have all sorts of tab markers in it, so I’m curious to see what 2011 Jen thought was interesting or important enough to highlight.
Let the re-read commence! 2/18/23
Ok, this book is dated in that it’s (obviously) not aware of the current trend of “gender is a choice” happening now. It’s also coming to the table from a completely Christian POV, which I appreciate, but many other readers may not. I find it refreshing, though so far the book isn’t speaking to me on a personal level. I think I may be too old/not in a relationship position where I need to hear what it is saying now. Not a bad book, I’m just not where it is right now. Probably going to be purged, but not at any highlighted spots yet.
First highlight, page 24-“You are meant to be loved and valued and cherished for the rest of your life by a man whose face lights up when he sees you.”
Sister, PREACH.
Second highlight, page 25-“The longings of a woman’s heart will not stay beaten down into an androgynous mush to satisfy a slanted view of human nature.”
Third-“…a woman starts to put her deeper longing into words: “I want a man to want me for me, and I want the security of knowing that we intend to build a life together.” This author has plum read my mind.
Page 32-ok, she has a scientific study on how men and women differ in how they feel emotion, but it is a slippery slope and can lead one to believe that men don’t feel at all, which is not true.
Page 50- “We long for a man to see the worth in us and to cherish it-so much so that he returns over and over, always wanting more. It’s scary to realize how deeply we long for something we can’t guarantee.”
Page 60-“Once again I feel raw, cold air blowing through the door of restraint, a door my generation knocked clear off its hinges. And I shudder, I am appalled at the lack of protective boundaries around sexuality these days.” HA!! My generation and the ones following it, “Hold my mocha choca latte decaf venti with dairy-free whipped cream.” DOUBLE DOWN Door? There was a DOOR of restraint? Can’t have no door/doorway without a WALL can we?!? (Enter wrecking ball, the Devil dances, human kind suffers some more.)
Page 61-“These days we seem to have lost our collective will as a culture to nurture and protect the sexuality of our kids.” … sigh.
Page 69-quote from a woman who felt pressured by roommates with threats of being ostracized into giving up her virginity (glad women stick together…they were hurting jerks/bullies. Bad on them!) “… A healthier society would protect women from premarital sexual experience.” It would also protect its children too…and the Devil laughs and dances while humans cry and fall…
Page 71-“Real boundaries are those you embrace for yourself.”
Page 74-“There is a simple, timeless beauty to this courting dance itself: discovering someone you click with, having him go out of his way to be with you, feeling really at home together, and experiencing an odd, inconsolable ache when he is away.”
Page 78-“‘No’ has historically been seen as a woman’s rightful prerogative. But in today’s sexual climate, ‘no’ is interpreted by many men as a personal rebuke to something they thought they had a right to expect.” (Cue the men who lose it and get violent/go on a shooting spree because they didn’t get the sex they thought they were entitled to and felt personally slighted in being told ‘no’.)
Page 79-“A man should be gentle around a woman. That’s part of what it means to be a man.-Wendy Shalit”. SISTER PREACH!
Page 158-“All of us long to feel that someone knows us deeply-and still loves us truly.” SHOUT OUT to my AMAZING friends who have stood by me, regardless of how weird/strange/odd/annoying I may be. I LOVE YOU ALL.
Ok, Past-Jen was right, first half of the book spoke to me much more then the second half, but not bad.
Still 3 stars and removed from my shelf, room for another book, woot!
Original review below this point.
It was ok. I liked the first half better than the second half. I'm keeping it, because the first half was so good, I noted a bunch of quotes. I may not have been in the right mood for the book. I'll give it another chance later, maybe.
Let the re-read commence! 2/18/23
Ok, this book is dated in that it’s (obviously) not aware of the current trend of “gender is a choice” happening now. It’s also coming to the table from a completely Christian POV, which I appreciate, but many other readers may not. I find it refreshing, though so far the book isn’t speaking to me on a personal level. I think I may be too old/not in a relationship position where I need to hear what it is saying now. Not a bad book, I’m just not where it is right now. Probably going to be purged, but not at any highlighted spots yet.
First highlight, page 24-“You are meant to be loved and valued and cherished for the rest of your life by a man whose face lights up when he sees you.”
Sister, PREACH.
Second highlight, page 25-“The longings of a woman’s heart will not stay beaten down into an androgynous mush to satisfy a slanted view of human nature.”
Third-“…a woman starts to put her deeper longing into words: “I want a man to want me for me, and I want the security of knowing that we intend to build a life together.” This author has plum read my mind.
Page 32-ok, she has a scientific study on how men and women differ in how they feel emotion, but it is a slippery slope and can lead one to believe that men don’t feel at all, which is not true.
Page 50- “We long for a man to see the worth in us and to cherish it-so much so that he returns over and over, always wanting more. It’s scary to realize how deeply we long for something we can’t guarantee.”
Page 60-“Once again I feel raw, cold air blowing through the door of restraint, a door my generation knocked clear off its hinges. And I shudder, I am appalled at the lack of protective boundaries around sexuality these days.” HA!! My generation and the ones following it, “Hold my mocha choca latte decaf venti with dairy-free whipped cream.” DOUBLE DOWN Door? There was a DOOR of restraint? Can’t have no door/doorway without a WALL can we?!? (Enter wrecking ball, the Devil dances, human kind suffers some more.)
Page 61-“These days we seem to have lost our collective will as a culture to nurture and protect the sexuality of our kids.” … sigh.
Page 69-quote from a woman who felt pressured by roommates with threats of being ostracized into giving up her virginity (glad women stick together…they were hurting jerks/bullies. Bad on them!) “… A healthier society would protect women from premarital sexual experience.” It would also protect its children too…and the Devil laughs and dances while humans cry and fall…
Page 71-“Real boundaries are those you embrace for yourself.”
Page 74-“There is a simple, timeless beauty to this courting dance itself: discovering someone you click with, having him go out of his way to be with you, feeling really at home together, and experiencing an odd, inconsolable ache when he is away.”
Page 78-“‘No’ has historically been seen as a woman’s rightful prerogative. But in today’s sexual climate, ‘no’ is interpreted by many men as a personal rebuke to something they thought they had a right to expect.” (Cue the men who lose it and get violent/go on a shooting spree because they didn’t get the sex they thought they were entitled to and felt personally slighted in being told ‘no’.)
Page 79-“A man should be gentle around a woman. That’s part of what it means to be a man.-Wendy Shalit”. SISTER PREACH!
Page 158-“All of us long to feel that someone knows us deeply-and still loves us truly.” SHOUT OUT to my AMAZING friends who have stood by me, regardless of how weird/strange/odd/annoying I may be. I LOVE YOU ALL.
Ok, Past-Jen was right, first half of the book spoke to me much more then the second half, but not bad.
Still 3 stars and removed from my shelf, room for another book, woot!
Original review below this point.
It was ok. I liked the first half better than the second half. I'm keeping it, because the first half was so good, I noted a bunch of quotes. I may not have been in the right mood for the book. I'll give it another chance later, maybe.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 21, 2017
Not a shame-y Christian book on sex at all, thank god.
It's a lot more liberating / independent woman than I thought it would be (while still saying that sex should be within a marriage). Quotes like the follow are what did it for me:
“Coming into a relationship with a man from the emotional vantage point of knowing deep in your soul that you are already loved is liberating. Before any man appeared in your life, you were loved by God. You were given worth and honor by the only one truly worthy of such. To embrace this is to be set free. When you can look at a man and know that he can’t give you what you most long for – worth, love, and a sense of identity – then you are free to be loved by him. The most he can ever do is to give witness to the worth God already invests in you. But you must claim it first for yourself.”
It's a lot more liberating / independent woman than I thought it would be (while still saying that sex should be within a marriage). Quotes like the follow are what did it for me:
“Coming into a relationship with a man from the emotional vantage point of knowing deep in your soul that you are already loved is liberating. Before any man appeared in your life, you were loved by God. You were given worth and honor by the only one truly worthy of such. To embrace this is to be set free. When you can look at a man and know that he can’t give you what you most long for – worth, love, and a sense of identity – then you are free to be loved by him. The most he can ever do is to give witness to the worth God already invests in you. But you must claim it first for yourself.”
March 1, 2012
A beautiful, beautiful book.. And to my delight, spot on the Word of God. A must read for anyone (I dare enter males too..) ever living in our time.
May 17, 2014
An eloquent and compelling read!
"Before any man appeared in your life, you were loved by God. You were given worth and honor by the only One truly worthy of such. To embrace this is to be set free. When you can look at a man and know that he can't give you what you most long for - worth and love and a sense of identity - then you are free to be loved by him. The most he can ever do (which, in itself, is no small thing) is to give witness to the worth God already invests in you. But you must claim it first for yourself."
"A man does not go to a woman to get his strength; he goes to her to offer it." AMEN.
"Before any man appeared in your life, you were loved by God. You were given worth and honor by the only One truly worthy of such. To embrace this is to be set free. When you can look at a man and know that he can't give you what you most long for - worth and love and a sense of identity - then you are free to be loved by him. The most he can ever do (which, in itself, is no small thing) is to give witness to the worth God already invests in you. But you must claim it first for yourself."
"A man does not go to a woman to get his strength; he goes to her to offer it." AMEN.
July 20, 2011
Honest and thought-provoking. Entirely without the cheesiness that one would expect from this type of book. Much preferred it to Staci Eldridges 'captivating'. Very convicting, would reccomend to most women.
December 2, 2019
Great thoughts and strong case for celibacy before marriage. Pushes back against the narrative of consequence free sex. Good counseling resource. Author insinuates communion as a means of grace and could include more Scripture.
July 28, 2015
Outstanding book. Unfortunately, many females in our culture can relate to this subject in far too many ways. They have sacrificed their birthright of reflecting the beauty and mystery of God in exchange for the false and fleeting illusion of love ... and they have dolled out portions of their soul in the process. This book is very positive and uplifting, without ever watering down the truth. It is forthright and spot on. Most importantly ... It shows women who have made this exchange how they can recover their birthright in Christ. This is a beautiful book that is written by someone who is actually a therapist in family and marriage relations. It is not the arrogant opinion of some sideliner who is filled with nothing more than their own shallow opinions. Paula Rinehart has helped hundreds, if not thousands, of women recover their beautiful birthright of beauty and mystery of soul. I am a man who first read this to facilitate my own understanding, but passed it on to my significant other. She loved it and has now passed it on to a girlfriend. I will also be sharing this with my four daughters ... not to mention my son when he is old enough. :-)
January 10, 2021
Christians who have failed to live up to God’s standard of no sex outside of marriage are definitely the target audience. But still was a helpful read, and coming from someone who’s authority seems trustworthy (she seemed to be a counselor who specialized in relationships).
I most appreciated the good balance between “all have sinned” and “God made Him who knew no sin, to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God.” Many other “Christian” advice books either are too fluffy about calling out sin as sin (thus making God’s grace weak) or the author comes off as a self-righteousness know-it-all trying to shame people into obedience (thus not being at all practical at pointing back to the saving and empowering grace of God).
I don’t think this is an essential read for all Christians, but definitely helps shed light on how God has designed men and women for both an emotional and physical marriage relationship with one another. A refreshing, deeper look into a topic in Christianity that is often glossed over, trivialized, or misunderstood.
(Could’ve done with fewer [dated] cultural references and quotes 🙄 Otherwise would be 4 stars...)
I most appreciated the good balance between “all have sinned” and “God made Him who knew no sin, to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God.” Many other “Christian” advice books either are too fluffy about calling out sin as sin (thus making God’s grace weak) or the author comes off as a self-righteousness know-it-all trying to shame people into obedience (thus not being at all practical at pointing back to the saving and empowering grace of God).
I don’t think this is an essential read for all Christians, but definitely helps shed light on how God has designed men and women for both an emotional and physical marriage relationship with one another. A refreshing, deeper look into a topic in Christianity that is often glossed over, trivialized, or misunderstood.
(Could’ve done with fewer [dated] cultural references and quotes 🙄 Otherwise would be 4 stars...)
August 17, 2018
This book has great elements, written, it seems, primarily for those who long to follow Christ but perhaps have a present or past history in this area. To me, this book seems to lack a complete portrayal of what it means that God created men and women as sexual beings, as part of the imago dei. This book helpfully highlights the value of waiting, the forgiveness and mercy given to those who are ridden with guilt or shame, but it fails to address what healthy sexuality means, beyond simply, "sex is for those within the covenant of marriage." I would have loved to see this book address topics such as 1) emotional/physical pornography for women 2) masturbation 3) healthy expressions of sexuality for those unmarried, widowed, etc. Though it has many beneficial elements, such as it's chapter on power, It seems incomplete on this topic. Nevertheless, it addresses a fairly unaddressed topic in Christian women's literature and I am grateful for it. I can imagine I will add it to recommend it to particular students.
May 19, 2024
Sooo good!! Highly recommend!
October 27, 2024
took me long enough…good to have on the shelf as reminders - happy i finally finished it
February 21, 2025
This book was so convicting and encouraging and forever changed by this.
April 4, 2019
No matter what your background, this book has something to teach. I had read almost all of it several years ago while I was single, but I just read it from start to finish, now married. It was just as good and powerful as it was when I was single. Not all of it was comfortable, but she teaches with such grace. Throughout the whole book, she keeps pointing to the forgiveness and renewal that only God can give. At the end of the book, she has passages from Old to New Testament about sex. I made myself read all the Bible passages, when I wanted to mark the book as "done," and I'm so glad I did. I feel like I've gone through a class on what God intends sex to be.
April 29, 2020
You will love it!!!
Absolutely outstanding book that will strengthen your relationship with God 💕😭 if you are struggling with giving up your sexual life to freely this will make you think you hurt more then you’re own body but your loved too.
Absolutely outstanding book that will strengthen your relationship with God 💕😭 if you are struggling with giving up your sexual life to freely this will make you think you hurt more then you’re own body but your loved too.
August 20, 2021
Sheds kight on the healing journey
Excellent for women trying to heal from "casual" sex, a broken relationship or the general cultural expectations that they be different than they are in their being, esp women of faith.
Excellent for women trying to heal from "casual" sex, a broken relationship or the general cultural expectations that they be different than they are in their being, esp women of faith.
May 30, 2020
2.5 ❣️
February 24, 2022
really good insights on what the both the bible and lived experience says about sex and sexuality — teaches on what we deserve and why, in terms of purity and pursuit. would definitely recommend!!
March 17, 2022
Relatable stories. Gave insight on how sexual intimacy impacts the soul and how women perspective on sex is different from men. Good practical advice on healing from bad sexual experiences
August 7, 2023
Beautiful and healing; gave words to an unspoken grief.
October 25, 2010
Per Tracey Scholen:
Author writes about the impact of sexual relationships outside of marriage. She shows how to break free from the bondage of misused sexuality and how to create a whole new start with men. One of the most well-written books on the effects of pre-marital sex that I have ever read. Author communicates in a way that in no way condemns but instead gives the 'why' behind God's desire for sexual purity.
6 weeks, 1 hour per week
book format, unsure about questions included
Possible shelves: Intimacy, Community, Relationships
Author writes about the impact of sexual relationships outside of marriage. She shows how to break free from the bondage of misused sexuality and how to create a whole new start with men. One of the most well-written books on the effects of pre-marital sex that I have ever read. Author communicates in a way that in no way condemns but instead gives the 'why' behind God's desire for sexual purity.
6 weeks, 1 hour per week
book format, unsure about questions included
Possible shelves: Intimacy, Community, Relationships
March 11, 2008
This book brought comfort in my life in a time where I needed reassurance that I deserved to be treated one way and one way alone. Like the body of Christ. It gave me courage to stand up for myself and gave me strength. No longer do woman need to lower their standards or expectations. No longer do woman need to fill that empty void by men. They are incapable for filling that eternal void anyway. No longer do woman need to be stepped upon and felt as if they are the lowest of the low.
March 13, 2008
Chapt. 7-Getting Back Your Heart, includes effective (TPM style) material a person can use to invite healing into their life. When we believe Satan's lies, "This is the unholy sequence: a wound gives birth to a lie that turns into a lens through which we see life and relationships in a distorted way." The author deals with the reality of love and romance in an age of casual sex. Good reference book.
May 13, 2011
I really enjoyed the authors perspective in this book. Often books on this subject are preachy but this one was compassionate and kind. I felt that it gives an understanding of why so called sexual freedom of expression isn't working in our society...even though some may not realize that it's the core reason for many of our social problems today. But more than that it is an awakening to the cry of a woman's heart to be loved unconditionally, forever!
July 26, 2013
This book was so relevant for what I'm going through right now. It was perfectly timed, and opened my eyes to so many things. Rinehart does a great job or intertwining real accounts with her vital relationship information. A friend recommended it, and upon hearing her description, I took notes throuhout the book for reference later. I highly recommend this for all women and even men.
August 15, 2013
addresses many cultural perspectives that women are misled by, addresses misuse and misunderstanding of the importance of body -- the power of women in relationships with men. Rinehart does a great job in tying in the Biblical importance and significance to all these assertions that serve to empower women to recover.
April 5, 2008
Every woman needs to read this book, especially when still young in order to avoid the pitfalls that come with love, sex, and the depths these meanings touch in a woman.
May 29, 2008
paula rinehart speaks honestly and protectively about women's hearts, what it is we offer to a man, and the sacred nature of sex.
August 19, 2008
Its a eye opener...might have to read it again to get the full meaning of it.
October 16, 2008
An amazing perspective on sex which creates a hope for change.
Read
July 18, 2010interesting. Supposed to help me out at Gateway -- a free sexual health resource center.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews