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352 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2005
"05:00 The neighborhood erupts as Dad fires up his supersonic heat-seeking rose sprayer (which sound like a ski boat hitting a sandbank at full throttle). The machine is so powerful that it blew Wombat's (my grandmother's) Queen Elizabeth rose bush out of the ground on its first tryout. Dad, wearing only his Cricketing Legends sleeping shorts (my Christmas present) and a surgeon's mask to protect himself from the deadly chemicals that he's now spraying into the atmosphere, points his machine at the neighbors' yard and dances like a loon on the lawn in front of my bedroom window. Maybe boarding school won't be so bad after all."