Addiction to Perfection: The Still Unravished Bride: A Psychological Study

Studies in Jungian Psychology by Jungian Analysts #12

by Marion Woodman

Addiction to Perfection By Marion Woodman Through case studies, dreams, and myths, a Jungian analyst explores the hidden causes of compulsion in the lives of men and women. At the root of eating disorders, substance abuse, and other addictive and compulsive behaviors, Woodman sees a hunger for spiritual fulfillment. The need to experience a sacred connection to an energy greater than their own drives people to search for an illusory ideal of perfection. Through discussions of parenthood, creativity, and body image, this presentation shows that freedom from addiction can be found by discovering the wisdom and power of the feminine principle. Shambhala Lion Editions

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Feminism, Philosophy, Self Help, Womens, Psychoanalysis

208 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 1982

About the author

Marion Woodman was a Canadian mythopoetic author and women's movement figure. She was a Jungian analyst trained at the C. G. Jung Institute in Zürich, Switzerland. She was one of the most widely read authors on feminine psychology, focusing on psyche and soma. She was also an international lecturer and poet. Her collection of audio and visual lectures, correspondence, and manuscripts are housed at OPUS Archives and Research Center, in Santa Barbara, California. Among her collaborations with other authors she wrote with Thomas Moore, Jill Mellick and Robert Bly. Her brothers were the late Canadian actor Bruce Boa and Jungian analyst Fraser Boa.

Reviews

[Tristy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really love Marion Woodman. Her books, especially Dancing in the Flames: The Dark Goddess in the Transformation of Consciousness changed my life. Her poetic, spiritual, feminist approach to spirituality and healing is unparalleled. Which is why this book breaks my heart. In this book she is tackling a serious issue - eating disorders in women. I started out hopeful, as I do think "an addiction to perfection" lies at the heart of so many of women's wounds. She starts with a "fact" that all "obese" women are psychologically damaged. She then goes on to unconsciously project all over her "obese" analysands. She talks about the "demons" inside them and recommends fasting for 7 days - essentially asking her overweight clients to starve themselves. And what does she ask her anorexic clients to do? To binge eat? No, of course not. But it's okay to ask her "obese" analysands to starve themselves for an entire week. There is no acknowledgement of the challenging power of fat women in our society and how that factors in to feminism. And in fact, she shares many drawings by her "obese" analysands (which are wonderful) and so many of them include Goddess figures of prehistory, ALL of which are "obese" women. There is NO MENTION of the archetypal meaning of these powerful symbols. Now, this book was published in 1982, so I do have to chalk a bit of the unconscious projection on fat people to the time and culture, but the extreme projections in this book are horrendous and sad for someone so deeply immerse in Jungian psychology. Now all this being said, please read some of her other books. She does have so much to offer in other realms but stay away from this one.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fifth time reading this book in twelve years. I understand it a little more than last time and a whole lot more than the first three.

[Tara Greene · Rating 5 out of 5]

i love all of Marion Woodman's writings and this one is very good at dealing with all the denials and addictions women suffer from. Anorexia and many other types of psychological addiction to being perfect stem from the mother's criticism. There is an internalized inner critic which keeps us separate from loving ourselves and others.Its a great case study. Marion is a Jungian Therapist very well known for her work on the shadow and understanding women's issues.

[Steve Ellerhoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a re-read. A lot of the books I've been reading led me back to it -- and one in particular (Donald Kalsched's first book) quoted it directly, so I decided it was time to circle back around on Marion Woodman's study of perfectionism and dealing with it.

This book first came out in 1982 and maybe it's good to keep that in mind. She addressed eating disorders with many of her analysands, and there has been so much work done in helping people with these problems in the past forty years. Being ignorant of a lot of that body of work, I can't speak to where Woodman's ideas fit today. There is also a 1982 take on gender binaries that has stood revision in recent years -- though Woodman is first to say that things are not so rigidly set, making her a forerunner who anticipated those revisions (Susan Rowland's work has been particularly helpful toward that end). But Woodman's work is so literary and her way of framing concepts speaks mythopoetically in a compelling style. I have long admired her, but I'm not sure if this book would be great for someone just coming to Jungian psychology -- the first time I read it, a lot of the depth was too deep for me, and this time I feel a bit more able to understand.

For Woodman, perfectionism is brought on by complexes that massively constrict and endanger the lives of women striving for it: "For the person who is living by ideals, the essential problem in relationships usually involves the difference between love and power. ... She is starving. She has to perform perfectly in order to be loved. Her emotional stability is determined by another's reaction. On one hand she is being manipulated, on the other she is a manipulator because she has to be in order to be loved. She cannot depend on a love which accepts her for who she is. Whether the original manipulators are still in her life doesn't matter; they are alive in her psyche as complexes and if she isn't projecting them onto her 'loved ones,' she is turning them against herself" (62). This reminds me a lot of Kalsched's self-care system, where the psyche's protective aspect goes negative and destructive to a person's ability to live.

Canadian wonder woman Margaret Atwood said something once about how she had to give up perfectionism in order to be able to write novels and stories; if she stayed stuck overworking all the same sentences over and over again, no story would ever be finished. Woodman, also a Canadian wonder woman, put it succinctly: "perfection belongs to the gods; completeness or wholeness is the most a human being can hope for" (51). There is so much to appreciate about completion, about becoming whole or working toward it. One thing I've heard from other depth psychologists is that in order for something to be whole, it must have some aspect of brokenness in it. Without any brokenness, the experience of brokenness is not present, leaving it un-whole. Perfectionism fails to incorporate brokenness. Maybe that's what's so lifeless about it. Whether we're going to hatch that egg or eat it, the shell has to be broken.

One of the most resonant revelations in the book comes from one of Woodman's analysands, who experienced a profound shift in her attitudes toward her own sexuality. The way this unnamed woman put it, "In real loving you feel the blood, the bones, the beating heart. Once you've had it, you don't want anything less. To accept less is to betray yourself" (185). Anyone blessed with having experienced this with someone else will take solace in the way it affirms the sacredness of that rarest of relationships. It can't be faked or forced. And if it's fled, nothing is better than anything less. Woodman says not to freak out about a natural cessation of sexual activity. She says it's a phase and the fuller relationship will come.

One of her main points in writing the book has to do with getting readers to ponder, explore, embrace what is suppressed inside us: "Each one of us has to find the particular feminine archetype that makes our life meaningful" (129). That openness to discover for oneself the individual way of being ourselves in the great big story of humankind is so very Jungian. And something I personally respond to greatly. I'm curious about seeking out which goddess in the realm of myth and iconography most speaks to me about where I'm coming from or where I'm going or where I am right this instant. And about where this sort of discovery lies for characters in the fiction I'm writing. It was certainly the right time to re-read Woodman.

[Anna Reeve · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book rocked my world. Odds are it can rock yours, too, since Marion Woodman's warm, earnest, yet literary style makes complex Jungian psychoanalysis mostly-accessible to lay readers like myself! And thank god!

Like Clarissa Pinkola-Estés' book Women Who Run with the Wolves was for me a few years ago, Woodman's book (which precedes Estés' by 12 years I think) is just lightning-strike illumination. She analyzes the roots of modern women's perfectionism-driven compulsive and addictive behaviors from the earthy foundation of classical myth and Jungian archetypes. Chapters on anorexia and bulimia move fluidly to discussions of other kinds of addictions and the unconscious commitments and paucities that birth and drive them, and leads ultimately to a discussion of the spiritual/archetypal totems available to the post-Christian woman attempting to access the divine feminine. I found this chapter in particular—on locating Sophia, the feminine wisdom of God, or the archetypal feminine "The Great Mother"—so profound and prescient.

Some elements are a bit dated, and some are just over my head (I still do not know what "psychological incest" is and I'm not googling it, ok), but I underlined the hell out of this book and have promised to lend it out to a friend as soon as I finished it.

Its emphasis on courageously meeting the dark forces of the unconscious in order to find completeness and wholeness, and the necessity of 21st-century women marshaling those inner forces in a changing and violent culture, made it an amazing way to finish out what is already an infamous year.

[Professor Weasel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of this book was kind of insane but I did find a lot of it REALLY helpful and interesting. I underlined a lot of sentences. I guess I’ve become the kind of person who reads books recommended by Tori Amos and finds them genuinely useful ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Owlseyes]

https://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues...

https://parabola.org/2016/01/29/mario...

[Hedieh Madani · Rating 5 out of 5]

کتاب معرکه. ترجمه عالی.

[Radek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Niesamowita podróż poprzez Jungowskie archetypy, poprzez pierwiastek kobiecy i męski, skłaniająca współczesnego czytelnika do refleksji zarówno w wymiarze osobistym, jak i ogólniejszym (wplyw patriarchatu na tytułowe "Uzależnienie od doskonałości"). Książka prowadząca do czytelnika do głębokiej zmiany i odczuwana, odczytywana na wielu poziomach może wspomóc nas na drodze do Siebie.

[Magda · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first I found this book chaotic, but when I went with a flow I loved it. I probably didn’t get half of it as I’m not a psychologist, in particular Jungian. But oh my it was so refreshing to read a book that capture so well perfectionism and its origin in a form that beautifully mix poems, art, archetypes, stories of Marion’s patients.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marion Woodman's Addiction to Perfection: The Still Unravished Bride: A Psychological Study (Studies in Jungian Psychology by Jungian Analysts, 12 is about breaking the tie to the evil anima that stymie feminine individuation. Lady Macbeth and Medusa are examples of the type of personas that paralyze the spirit and induce rituals around success, goal orientation, and intellectual excellence thus undermining creativity, and interpersonal receptivity. While the former are laudable attributes, if they are not balanced, the result is one-sided functionality that is unproductive and spiritual deadening. The chapter headings outline the topics explored. Included are Ritual: Sacred and Demonic, Through Thick and Thin, Addiction to Perfecting and the Ravished Bride; meaning the woman who has accepted the dark and light aspects of her own consciousness. It is from that space spiritual and psychological healing occurs.

[R · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are some interesting ideas in here, and others that have not aged well (at one point she suggests that lesbian relationships are an exercise in finding "validation for their femininity" ...yikes)
In the foreword Woodman acknowledges that some parts of the book could do with editing but that she left these in to represent the process. This makes me wonder to what extent the book was edited at all. I think this is where its arguments fall down, for example there are far too many synonyms for the archetypes and that left me really confused, especially towards the final chapters. I liked the authors invitation to take what appeals to you and leave the rest (it’s that kind of book).

[Anders · Rating 3 out of 5]

Never had the juice to actually finish this book. Just was getting into reading other things after two years in school. This an amazing book though about patriarchy, women, the significance of dreams and eating disorders from a depth psychological point of view. I'm not done yet, but this book is a must read for anyone working with clients with eating disorders in this modality.

[Evie · Rating 5 out of 5]

OK, I'm a perfectionist, so much so that sometimes it gets in the way of my ability to create what I want to create. This book delves into the reasons why people like me are the way we are. This is essential reading for psycotherapists!

[Bridgett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Might be difficult to read if unfamiliar with Jungian psychology. I really related to a lot of the ideas in the book about the roles of food and sex in society and for the individual in terms of personal development and withdrawing from wholeness.

[Jodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This woman has an experience with and understanding of all sorts of addictions that afflict people in this age. And what are the roots of it in our society. I used it over and over in private psychotherapy practice.

[Dev · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book I am re-reading. This book was a light to me these twenty years ago, illuminating the dynamics of addictive behavior within the frame work of the hunger to develop psychilcally and spiritually. A great resource.

[Callie DiNello · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing - a subject that needs this authors wisdom, yet I felt it really lacked any substance :(

[Tara ☆ Tarasbookshelf · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating and enlightening.

Addiction to Perfection: The Still Unravished Bride was my first book by Canadian Jungian Analyst Marion Woodman. Published in 1982, it describes psychological perspectives, experiences and insights that are profound and meaningful.

Quotes

“Essentially I am suggesting that many of us—men and women—are addicted in one way or another because our patriarchal culture emphasizes specialization and perfection. Driven to do our best at school, on the job, in our relationships—in every corner of our lives—we try to make ourselves into works of art. Working so hard to create our own perfection we forget that we are human beings.” p.10

“Food in our culture is a catalyst for almost any emotion—a positive way of expressing love, joy, acceptance; or negatively, a way of expressing guilt, bribery, fear of rejection.” p.22

“Many people in our society are being driven to addictions because there is no container for their natural spiritual needs. Their natural propensity for transcendent experience, for ritual, for connection to some energy greater than their own, is being distorted into addictive behaviour.” p.29

“Jung believed that religion (religere,to reflect) is one of man’s instincts, a natural need that must, therefore be satisfied.” p.30

“The new woman, born of that sexual consciousness which was so long denied her, is only now emerging. Finding a man who can relate to her in her new realization of herself is becoming a huge problem. If men are not psychologically prepared for a genuine relationship with such a woman, they are likely to feel threatened. This commonly manifests in rage, impotence or indifference. That is another issue, one which our culture is just beginning to face. And yet, in spite of the agony that may ensue in relationships, women are being compelled to go through this psychic revolution.” p.172

[Jack · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible book on the feminine journey towards realising wholeness. Woodman circumambulates the concept of psychological ravishment in contrast to being raped by the ideals of perfection. This book is incredibly quotable and contains many historical and modern examples to make her point of the need for renewed femininity.

Now I’ve finished it I feel I need to read it again!

“She lives and moves and has her Being through some power within her.
And that power is based in the archetypal feminine, the Great Mother in both her dark and bright aspects. The Goddess, in my thinking, is the movement of the spiral. Like so many things in nature- plants, the seasons, the moon- the Goddess moves in her circular motion through dark and light, through death and resurrection, trusting in the darkness as much as in the light. She lives in the present and evaluates in the moment. What is right today maybe wrong tomorrow. She lives by the spirit, not by the law. Therefore she demands constant awareness and spontaneity. She loves the potential in all things: The possibilities in the growing plant, the growing child, the growing hopes and dreams. She trusts life, trusts change, trusts love and holds nothing static. She loves and lets go. She loves with her whole being so that her vulnerability becomes her greatest strength. What for those who do not love her is contradiction, becomes for those who love her paradox” p.126.

[Amber Middlebrook · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Jungian perspective on the obstacles encountered by both women and men in their pursuit of equilibrium and contentment in life. It eludes that societal constructs, particularly the influence of patriarchy, have resulted in a disconnection from the feminine aspect, leading individuals to become fixated on their masculine attributes. The document underscores the significance of embracing feminine qualities in order to achieve harmony and fulfillment. While the material may appear somewhat confrontational to those unfamiliar with Jungian concepts, it offers valuable insights for personal growth and well-being. In my opinion, the speaker dwells excessively on the topic of eating disorders, which could have been summarized more concisely. Additionally, there is another aspect of perfectionism that was not discussed, exemplified by the Artemis character in mythology.

[Samantha Shelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book did blow my mind in several really valuable ways and inspired me to step into my own intuitive power more, but it’s definitely not for everyone and it was definitely written in the 80s. It requires some basic preexisting knowledge of Jungian psychology to read and contains a lot of stuff that would be considered problematic in 2024. (I found the rape/incest chapter challenging, for example.)

It did speak to my personal experiences with disordered eating of various kinds, but I think it generalizes a lot in ways that could potentially hurt and/or harm some people. I think “Women Who Run With the Wolves” achieves what this book sets out to achieve in a more effective, accessible way. If you love Jungian psychology though, maybe give it a try!

[Lawrence Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Hoopla) The book is a recorded lecture reduced to writing. The author addresses a number of concepts I was familiar with:

: if you find yourself unloveable, you will project that everyone else finds you unlovable

: the perfectionists believes if I am not perfect, I am nothing, in effect rejecting his humanity

: if you are in danger, or feel as if you are in danger, you will carry more weight on the body - the weight provides a sense of safety and security

: an addict is a liar

She also gave me additional concepts to chew on:

: with addiction, the body is trying to reestablish balance - the compulsion carries the healing

: resistance to analyzing trauma is the ego building to face the original trauma, which may be overwhelming

: rage is stored in the buttocks (tai chi helps release the anger in the body)

: you deal with the transfer of physical to spiritual with metaphor (or alcohol)

: the body thinks in images, not words

: cancer is the disease of despair

I recommend the audiobook for a five hour trip.

[John B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very perceptive book on the domination of the masculine principle in Western culture. Jungian analyst Woodman links this principle with addictive behaviors, primarily in women (workaholism, obesity, alchohol and drugs, etc), tying her concept of positive feminine deprivation to the psychological ills of individuals, both men and women. As with most Woodman books, it is hard to read her straight through, so I concede that I spot read this book. It has some brilliant paragraphs interspersed with almost stream of consciousness dream analysis and histories of her patients.

[Elham Sarikhani · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a compelling psychological study that explores the destructive pursuit of perfection, particularly in women. Woodman, with her deep Jungian insights, uncovers the roots of this obsession, linking it to cultural and personal imbalances between the masculine and feminine energies. Her profound and poetic analysis offers readers a transformative journey towards self-acceptance and wholeness, making this book a must-read for those seeking to understand and heal the perfectionist tendencies within themselves.

[Najwa · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a while in order to digest the richness of this book. I’ll probably read it again some time. I gave it 4 stars as I thought it could’ve been more organized. Otherwise, the analysis elaborated in its contents is thought provoking and compelled me to reflect and question lots of patterns in my everyday attitudes and behaviors. An excellent book to read and keep as a reference, especially to those who are interested in personal growth and Jungian psychology.

[Mephistopheles · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very insightful in places, though I struggle with Marion Woodman. I suspect she was a different type than I am - feeling/sensation as opposed to thinking/intuition. A lot of her points regarding the separation of mind and body and the affect this has had specifically on women rang true. However, unlike The Owl was a Baker’s Daughter, this book did not contain any scientific backing, and it suffered for that. Still insightful in many places, but lacking a firm ground.

[Lori Koppelman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very dense book along the lines of Women Who Run with the Wolves but with a Jungian angle. At first I worried that I wasn't going to like it due to old language around eating, but that dissipated as I got further in.

I will need to revisit some of the things I marked and ponder all that came up for me. I enjoyed another layer learning about the perfection b.s. that has been foisted upon women.

[Leanne Hunt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very useful book for readers who are familiar with Jungian analysis and depth psychology. Woodman draws from her extensive experience of working with women who have been conditioned to think of themselves as falling short of an ideal. She shares profound pieces of writing from her patients that illustrate how the psyche is involved in helping women to let go of their conditioning and live in freedom.

[Marina Resende · Rating 5 out of 5]

loved how marion wrote about the inner life of the feminine and gave incredible symbols and keys to unlock powerful stuff in the unconscious. highly recommend, every women should read this. however it's not for everyone, to understand the core of this book you have to be familiar with some psychology terms. it comes with a glossary in the end tho.