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What Your Son Isn't Telling You: Unlocking the Secret World of Teen Boys
What Your Son Isn't Telling You provides a rare look at the secret lives of teen boys--a world characterized by loneliness and peer fear; one in which measuring up as a man means conforming to a code of always being a tough guy, never showing weakness, and never expressing true feelings. Too many boys feel the constant pressure to prove themselves in classrooms, on playing fields, and especially among their friends. Deep inside they hunger for family support and connection--and long to be accepted by their peers. Each chapter of this must-read book is packed with real-life stories and emails from teen boys that will give parents a new understanding of what their sons aren't telling them.
192 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2010
18 people are currently reading
99 people want to read
About the author
Michael Ross
283 books102 followersLibrarian Note: There are more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
June 14, 2012
If a person wants to know why we have such problems with our children during this period of their lives, this book provides a big part of the answer. Our culture is based of the Judeo Christian model that functions on the premise that there is something wrong with a person, and that needs to be rectified through the "grace" of some outside entity called God. This is a piece of magical thinking, a circularity since the God of Christian belief in the mainstream is so transparently a product of thought. The product of the very "failing" human being looking to it for salvation. The forms that are the structure of the Christian church today are completely bereft of anything vaguely resembling anything spiritual, expecting conformity to some artificially concocted and imposed standards of belief and behaviour, which all too often fly directly in the face of what is!
This book takes the well worn psychologists boxing of male puberty and the issues it throws up, but in the end offers nothing more than common sense and a commitment to magical thinking -pray. Rely on nothing but a belief. This is in fact exactly the opposite of what is required. If a person has become sufficiently aware of their own humanity and how their own mind works they will be able to let go of the need to control life, including their teenage son, (the thrust of this book) and simply offer support and understanding without the struggle. The outcome presented by this book as the worst possible is that the boy becomes a man and loses his faith in God as the omnipotent and all powerful judge and saviour, with the concomitant result of an eternity in hell. In fact that loss would be the best possible outcome if during that process the boy comes to experience that which is not if "self" in a felt sense and begins to open up that spiritual doorway. This is after all the path trodden by all the Christian mystics, most of them Saints; those who had a personal sense of God untainted by the drivel carried by their own ego, the judgements of right and wrong based on dogma rather than a deeply felt sense of what is right for them.
Teenagers are often closer to this sense of things than their parents and it is from this kernel that a whole person can begin to emerge rather than a fragmented polyglot of bits in conflict with one another;in other words the standard human condition for most who call themselves committed Christians in the western world. They're easy to find they spend a lot of time and energy declaring their faith and attempting to persuade others to take a deck chair for the sinking.
Give the kids, food, a roof, time, love, support and your beliefs and opinions; the latter as just that rather than as what should be "truth" for them boy. This kind of drivel has been the source of inestimable suffering for any boy who just doesn't fit the mould that requires ignorant obedience; ie the basis upon which the Christian church has been driven for centuries.
This book is worse than useless it perpetuates a belief system that separates and divides, calls one right the other wrong; one saved the other damned; it is like so much of what the Christian church has put into the world destructive.
This book takes the well worn psychologists boxing of male puberty and the issues it throws up, but in the end offers nothing more than common sense and a commitment to magical thinking -pray. Rely on nothing but a belief. This is in fact exactly the opposite of what is required. If a person has become sufficiently aware of their own humanity and how their own mind works they will be able to let go of the need to control life, including their teenage son, (the thrust of this book) and simply offer support and understanding without the struggle. The outcome presented by this book as the worst possible is that the boy becomes a man and loses his faith in God as the omnipotent and all powerful judge and saviour, with the concomitant result of an eternity in hell. In fact that loss would be the best possible outcome if during that process the boy comes to experience that which is not if "self" in a felt sense and begins to open up that spiritual doorway. This is after all the path trodden by all the Christian mystics, most of them Saints; those who had a personal sense of God untainted by the drivel carried by their own ego, the judgements of right and wrong based on dogma rather than a deeply felt sense of what is right for them.
Teenagers are often closer to this sense of things than their parents and it is from this kernel that a whole person can begin to emerge rather than a fragmented polyglot of bits in conflict with one another;in other words the standard human condition for most who call themselves committed Christians in the western world. They're easy to find they spend a lot of time and energy declaring their faith and attempting to persuade others to take a deck chair for the sinking.
Give the kids, food, a roof, time, love, support and your beliefs and opinions; the latter as just that rather than as what should be "truth" for them boy. This kind of drivel has been the source of inestimable suffering for any boy who just doesn't fit the mould that requires ignorant obedience; ie the basis upon which the Christian church has been driven for centuries.
This book is worse than useless it perpetuates a belief system that separates and divides, calls one right the other wrong; one saved the other damned; it is like so much of what the Christian church has put into the world destructive.
March 24, 2010
Title: WHAT YOUR SON ISN’T TELLING YOU
Authors: Michael Ross & Susie Shellenberger
Publisher: Bethany House
March 2010
ISBN: 978-0-7642-0749-5
Genre: Inspirational/parenting
WHAT YOUR SON ISN’T TELLING YOU is a guide to “Unlocking the Secret World of Teen Boys.” The book tells you what boys will be going through developmentally from the tweener years on up to their late teens, which is helpful, if you go into the strange and new world of raising sons with no experience with having male siblings (which is how I approached it.)
The book has chapters with helpful titles such as:
Mysteries of the Guy Zone
Teen Guy Battlegrounds
Making Contact: Getting Through to Your Son
Helping him Unmask His “True Self”
What He Needs From Mom
And other valuable information.
I found most information in this book I had learned through trial and error (my sons are 20 and 18 respectively) but other things in here I didn’t know and would have been helpful. I wish I would have had access to this book when my boys stopped being cuddly little children and turned into tweeners. It would have been very helpful.
If you have young boys then WHAT YOUR SON ISN’T TELLING YOU is definitely a book to put into your library. It will help you as your sons approach their teens and as they go through the many different things they go through as teens. This book even touches on gambling, their sexual orientation, and if they reject your religion. Some poems are included at the end of the book, one of them by a famous historical person. $13.99. 190 pages.
Authors: Michael Ross & Susie Shellenberger
Publisher: Bethany House
March 2010
ISBN: 978-0-7642-0749-5
Genre: Inspirational/parenting
WHAT YOUR SON ISN’T TELLING YOU is a guide to “Unlocking the Secret World of Teen Boys.” The book tells you what boys will be going through developmentally from the tweener years on up to their late teens, which is helpful, if you go into the strange and new world of raising sons with no experience with having male siblings (which is how I approached it.)
The book has chapters with helpful titles such as:
Mysteries of the Guy Zone
Teen Guy Battlegrounds
Making Contact: Getting Through to Your Son
Helping him Unmask His “True Self”
What He Needs From Mom
And other valuable information.
I found most information in this book I had learned through trial and error (my sons are 20 and 18 respectively) but other things in here I didn’t know and would have been helpful. I wish I would have had access to this book when my boys stopped being cuddly little children and turned into tweeners. It would have been very helpful.
If you have young boys then WHAT YOUR SON ISN’T TELLING YOU is definitely a book to put into your library. It will help you as your sons approach their teens and as they go through the many different things they go through as teens. This book even touches on gambling, their sexual orientation, and if they reject your religion. Some poems are included at the end of the book, one of them by a famous historical person. $13.99. 190 pages.
December 28, 2012
I have no children (yet), but as a professor, I have worked in different grades, from junior high school to postgraduate. The effects a teacher can have in students are always there, but they are even deeper in teenagers. I've realized that this period of boy's lives is a turning point; they are in search for their identity and come to realize that growing up has consequences and responsibilities. I've been able to observe that many teen boys act tough, but their inside is quite different - fragile, thriving for family support and peer acceptance. That's what called my attention to this book.
I enjoyed reading it. It was a wonderful insight into how a teen boy sees life and feels; few books have presented such a unique approach to understanding teenagers as this one does. To me, a real treasure are the many e-mails and letters the authors have used to exemplify the topic they are considering; adults tend to think that teenagers don't like to open up and communicate, but these testimonies are a shocking eye opener. They are a practical way to identify ourselves with them. It is an invitation to see the world from their point of view and exercise a bit of true love - going beyond myself and reaching out to that boy who is facing a difficult time in his life, wanting independence and needing support (without fully realizing it) at the same time.
The authors emphasize the role of parents in shaping and affirming a boy's identity, even today, when drugs, bullies, cyber sex, child pornography and other issues threaten every teenager. Besides that, they suggest answers and initiating dialogues from a biblical perspective, always supported on the Scripture.
My only negative criticism to this book is that the authors emphasize the different roles of mothers and fathers. However, we are living times when single parents (either moms or dads) are raising their kids on their own; I would have liked to see more content related to single parenthood, just because of the fact it exists.
Because of my career, the book has also given me ideas to share with parents. Due to the implications of the authors' advice and suggestions, their Biblical perspective and teen boys life at stake, I wish I could give a copy of this book to every person who has to do with a teen boy's life read this book, whether a parent, a teacher, a pastor or a counselor. We must realize that they are looking for support and acceptance; if we are not there for them, someone else will - who?
Bethany House very kindly provided me with a complimentary copy of this book for review; in no way has this biased my opinion on the book or on the authors.
I enjoyed reading it. It was a wonderful insight into how a teen boy sees life and feels; few books have presented such a unique approach to understanding teenagers as this one does. To me, a real treasure are the many e-mails and letters the authors have used to exemplify the topic they are considering; adults tend to think that teenagers don't like to open up and communicate, but these testimonies are a shocking eye opener. They are a practical way to identify ourselves with them. It is an invitation to see the world from their point of view and exercise a bit of true love - going beyond myself and reaching out to that boy who is facing a difficult time in his life, wanting independence and needing support (without fully realizing it) at the same time.
The authors emphasize the role of parents in shaping and affirming a boy's identity, even today, when drugs, bullies, cyber sex, child pornography and other issues threaten every teenager. Besides that, they suggest answers and initiating dialogues from a biblical perspective, always supported on the Scripture.
My only negative criticism to this book is that the authors emphasize the different roles of mothers and fathers. However, we are living times when single parents (either moms or dads) are raising their kids on their own; I would have liked to see more content related to single parenthood, just because of the fact it exists.
Because of my career, the book has also given me ideas to share with parents. Due to the implications of the authors' advice and suggestions, their Biblical perspective and teen boys life at stake, I wish I could give a copy of this book to every person who has to do with a teen boy's life read this book, whether a parent, a teacher, a pastor or a counselor. We must realize that they are looking for support and acceptance; if we are not there for them, someone else will - who?
Bethany House very kindly provided me with a complimentary copy of this book for review; in no way has this biased my opinion on the book or on the authors.
December 21, 2010
The world of teenage boys is certainly one of mystery. Many parents don't understand their teenage sons and many teenage sons don't understand themselves. I remember my teen years and I can say with 100% certainty that I'm glad I don't have to go through them again. Peer pressure, bullying, raging hormones and identity crises - more often than not, each of these and more are part of the journey to manhood.
In What Your Son Isn't Telling You, Michael Ross and Susie Shellenberger attempt to guide parents through the murky and often confusing waters of teenagers. The authors include many letters and testimonials of young men whom they know or have heard from who tell of situations that they are struggling in. Topics include things like peer pressure, lust, confidence, and anger.
The authors offer fairly sound advice in discussing the world of teenage boys. However, while the book had several good points, I found it covered many topics but only barely. The adage "a mile wide, but only an inch deep" comes to mind. Additionally, much of the book's content seemed to cover the stereotypical, moody, silent teenage guy. If you are reading this book to get insight about a particular teenager (maybe your son), unless he is a stereotypical teen, this book probably won't be much help.
Perhaps the biggest complaint that I have about the book is that it is really targeted to mothers of teenage boys. This wouldn't be as big an issue for me if the book's description or cover mentioned this. This omission becomes glaringly obvious even just a short way into the book. With topics like "How Moms Can Nurture Godly Dating" and "Mom to the Rescue," it is clear who the book's target audience is. Advice to dads is scant and indirect. If I were a dad looking for a book to help me with my teenage son, I would want to know this book wasn't targeted to me.
The book's subtitle "Unlocking the Secret World of Teen Boys" is a little misleading. The book is more like somebody pointing out that there is a lock to this world and handing you a ring jammed with keys. What Your Son Isn't Telling You is a good starting point in exploring the world of teen guys, but not much else.
(Thanks to Bethany House for providing a review copy of this book.)
In What Your Son Isn't Telling You, Michael Ross and Susie Shellenberger attempt to guide parents through the murky and often confusing waters of teenagers. The authors include many letters and testimonials of young men whom they know or have heard from who tell of situations that they are struggling in. Topics include things like peer pressure, lust, confidence, and anger.
The authors offer fairly sound advice in discussing the world of teenage boys. However, while the book had several good points, I found it covered many topics but only barely. The adage "a mile wide, but only an inch deep" comes to mind. Additionally, much of the book's content seemed to cover the stereotypical, moody, silent teenage guy. If you are reading this book to get insight about a particular teenager (maybe your son), unless he is a stereotypical teen, this book probably won't be much help.
Perhaps the biggest complaint that I have about the book is that it is really targeted to mothers of teenage boys. This wouldn't be as big an issue for me if the book's description or cover mentioned this. This omission becomes glaringly obvious even just a short way into the book. With topics like "How Moms Can Nurture Godly Dating" and "Mom to the Rescue," it is clear who the book's target audience is. Advice to dads is scant and indirect. If I were a dad looking for a book to help me with my teenage son, I would want to know this book wasn't targeted to me.
The book's subtitle "Unlocking the Secret World of Teen Boys" is a little misleading. The book is more like somebody pointing out that there is a lock to this world and handing you a ring jammed with keys. What Your Son Isn't Telling You is a good starting point in exploring the world of teen guys, but not much else.
(Thanks to Bethany House for providing a review copy of this book.)
March 21, 2010
What Your Son isn’t telling you, Michael Ross & Susie Shellenburger
I have two very young boys age 3 and 6…I was interested in reviewing this book as a mother and a youth worker. Although I know there is nothing new under the sun, I also acknowledge that our children face a myriad of things at younger ages. I was surprised at the scope and depth of this book in the issues it coversand it’s readability. It deals with so many issues and offers great biblical wisdom and insight into effectively dealing with these issues and teaching our young men how to deal with them also. An excellent resource for any parent or youth worker. I truly appreciated the way the authors used true life experiences of youth age boys to show examples. A special thanks to the authors for their hard work and thoughtful application of the truth of the Word of God to all situations. An excellent resource I highly recommend it, I know mine will be well used.
Thank you Bethany House for this free review copy.
I have two very young boys age 3 and 6…I was interested in reviewing this book as a mother and a youth worker. Although I know there is nothing new under the sun, I also acknowledge that our children face a myriad of things at younger ages. I was surprised at the scope and depth of this book in the issues it coversand it’s readability. It deals with so many issues and offers great biblical wisdom and insight into effectively dealing with these issues and teaching our young men how to deal with them also. An excellent resource for any parent or youth worker. I truly appreciated the way the authors used true life experiences of youth age boys to show examples. A special thanks to the authors for their hard work and thoughtful application of the truth of the Word of God to all situations. An excellent resource I highly recommend it, I know mine will be well used.
Thank you Bethany House for this free review copy.
May 10, 2010
If you are raising a son – you need this book.
The authors, Michael Ross and Susie Shellenberger, have combined their many years of experience (more than 50!) in working with teenagers. This book will show you how to get connected in three basic areas and open up a deeper communication with your son. This book combines emails and letters the authors have received from teenage boys, and lays bare the struggles our young men face. It also tells you what you can expect as your son reaches certain ages and how to be sensitive to the changes taking place. A fantastic resource for parents, this book covers it all – drugs, sex, pornography, communication, the role of a mother and father, anger, depression, risk taking and more.
January 21, 2012
I got this book because I have a son who will be 13 in a matter of months. I do have an older son already grown and out of the home, but I wanted to be able to understand my younger son better than I did my older one. The whole learning from our mistakes and making better choices as we grow was my motivation.
This book is a great eye opener for parents into the world of a young man struggling to become a man while still dealing with things as a teenager. I think every parent, mom and dad, should read this book and then take the time to apply what they learn from it.
This book is a great eye opener for parents into the world of a young man struggling to become a man while still dealing with things as a teenager. I think every parent, mom and dad, should read this book and then take the time to apply what they learn from it.
December 21, 2011
A wonderful book! I highly recommend this boy for ANY parent of a boy. Read this as soon as you can, don't wait!
January 13, 2012
This is the second time I've read this book and I highly recommend it to all parents of boys, regardless of their age.
May 27, 2014
This book was so hard for me to read! I'm not sure I'm ready for these coming years with four sons, but I'll trust in God to lead and guide me. After all, He first trusted me to be their mom.
August 21, 2010
a simplistic attempt. starts good but deteriates into a simplistic christian "jesus can fix you"..
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews