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The Rules #1
The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
You are a creature unlike any other (Rule #1)--that's why you need . . . The Rules. A simple set of dos and don'ts, The Rules will lead you to where you want to be: in a healthy, committed relationship. Unlike today's haphazard dating customs, The Rules recognizes certain facts of life. That men know what they want. That a man is either attracted to you--or not! That men want a challenge, not an instant or easy victory. When you follow these commonsense guidelines, you treat yourself with respect and dignity--and demand that men do likewise. Although they sound old-fashioned ("Don't see him more than once or twice a week"), they encourage you to lead a full, satisfying, busy life--outside of romance. Although they seem tough ("Don't talk to a man first"), they will teach you how to accept occasional defeat and move on. And although they require discipline ("No more than casual kissing on the first date"), they will bring out the best in you and in the men you date. The goal? Marriage, in the shortest time possible, to a man you love, who loves you even more than you love him.
192 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published February 14, 1995
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September 23, 2012
Hey girls!
Are you shallow, desperate, immature, have no concept of reality or love, slightly sociopathic, and brain dead? Is it just too damn hard to keep your man at your heel? Are you tired of yanking that chain all day long?
Then 'The Rules' is just the book to feed your fantasies.
Honestly, what the shit kind of horrible person would write something like this? This book is sexist towards men AND women, absolutely shallow, ignores the real aspects of what a relationship is supposed to be built upon, and instead tells you that if you are a woman, you are supposed to have men at your feet. Because apparently only then will you have them loyal to you forever. Come on girls, grow up. Men are not as evil as your man-hating senses may perceive them to be.
What does this book teach you? It teaches women how to manipulate men in order to keep 'em following them around like dogs. And obviously this is a piece of cake in bizzaro-world where men have no brain in their head to think with. And if you do that, like play hard to get (cuz that's totes romantic) they will be crazy about you forever and ever and will never cheat on you, because you're making sure that you're the center of their universe. You're making sure that they fucking worship the ground you walk upon, that they wait by the phone all day waiting anxiously for the sound of your sweet, beautiful breath, basically all that master/slave horse-shit.
Dear men, on behalf of all the women with brains, I apologise. I'm sorry that these women who wrote this shit are giving your girlfriends these horrible ideas about you and what they should do with you. I'm sorry that this book pretty much describes men as disgusting monkeys who have not a speck of human emotion, and I'm sorry this shit is published. I know you're not like this, and even if some of you are, it's not because you're a man.
Why do we have dating books like this? Dating books with these ridiculous, shallow ideas with no understanding of the true foundations of a relationship? This is not even dating. This is like a last resort for women who are too damn stupid and paranoid to keep a relationship. And if you're a woman and you have trouble with a relationship, but you are not stupid, and not paranoid and have a pretty good idea of what a relationship requires, THEN YOU DON'T NEED THIS BOOK. You're already too good for this book! Move along, go read something else, don't waste your time feeling bad about yourself by reading this garbage. I might just be 19, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what a relationship is supposed to be. And it's not about making them want you, or being paranoid about how faithful they are, or anything else being glorified in these stupid books. It's about being equal, and loving each other, and growing together. It's like being best friends with romantic connotations. Would you ever manipulate a friend? Would you play this master/slave relationship or this paranoia game with a friend? I didn't think so. So why would you treat someone you claim to love like that?
And finally, isn't it funny how all these dating books are about men for women? Hey girls, here's how to control men! Love, some desperate single dumb ass. And everyone is totally fine with that. But I bet you my right arm and both my ass cheeks that if a man had written such a book about women (eg: Men, here's how to control your woman and make her want you: Play hard to get, chicks totally dig that shit) he would be deemed a sexist monster. I guarantee you.
I didn't finish this book. It made me angry. And it made my male co-workers angry. And I don't blame them a single bit.
Are you shallow, desperate, immature, have no concept of reality or love, slightly sociopathic, and brain dead? Is it just too damn hard to keep your man at your heel? Are you tired of yanking that chain all day long?
Then 'The Rules' is just the book to feed your fantasies.
Honestly, what the shit kind of horrible person would write something like this? This book is sexist towards men AND women, absolutely shallow, ignores the real aspects of what a relationship is supposed to be built upon, and instead tells you that if you are a woman, you are supposed to have men at your feet. Because apparently only then will you have them loyal to you forever. Come on girls, grow up. Men are not as evil as your man-hating senses may perceive them to be.
What does this book teach you? It teaches women how to manipulate men in order to keep 'em following them around like dogs. And obviously this is a piece of cake in bizzaro-world where men have no brain in their head to think with. And if you do that, like play hard to get (cuz that's totes romantic) they will be crazy about you forever and ever and will never cheat on you, because you're making sure that you're the center of their universe. You're making sure that they fucking worship the ground you walk upon, that they wait by the phone all day waiting anxiously for the sound of your sweet, beautiful breath, basically all that master/slave horse-shit.
Dear men, on behalf of all the women with brains, I apologise. I'm sorry that these women who wrote this shit are giving your girlfriends these horrible ideas about you and what they should do with you. I'm sorry that this book pretty much describes men as disgusting monkeys who have not a speck of human emotion, and I'm sorry this shit is published. I know you're not like this, and even if some of you are, it's not because you're a man.
Why do we have dating books like this? Dating books with these ridiculous, shallow ideas with no understanding of the true foundations of a relationship? This is not even dating. This is like a last resort for women who are too damn stupid and paranoid to keep a relationship. And if you're a woman and you have trouble with a relationship, but you are not stupid, and not paranoid and have a pretty good idea of what a relationship requires, THEN YOU DON'T NEED THIS BOOK. You're already too good for this book! Move along, go read something else, don't waste your time feeling bad about yourself by reading this garbage. I might just be 19, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what a relationship is supposed to be. And it's not about making them want you, or being paranoid about how faithful they are, or anything else being glorified in these stupid books. It's about being equal, and loving each other, and growing together. It's like being best friends with romantic connotations. Would you ever manipulate a friend? Would you play this master/slave relationship or this paranoia game with a friend? I didn't think so. So why would you treat someone you claim to love like that?
And finally, isn't it funny how all these dating books are about men for women? Hey girls, here's how to control men! Love, some desperate single dumb ass. And everyone is totally fine with that. But I bet you my right arm and both my ass cheeks that if a man had written such a book about women (eg: Men, here's how to control your woman and make her want you: Play hard to get, chicks totally dig that shit) he would be deemed a sexist monster. I guarantee you.
I didn't finish this book. It made me angry. And it made my male co-workers angry. And I don't blame them a single bit.
October 15, 2008
People get the wrong idea from this book and roll their eyes, but then sit at home on Thursday night, praying for weekend plans. This book advises women NOT to do that, go out and fall in love with yourself. Also, don't be at the beck and call of a man. They should value the time they spend with you and make plans to be with you, should be confident and proactive, romantic, straightforward, and ahead of the game. If you're always waiting for them, you set the tone for the relationship. The rules help you to love yourself.
October 11, 2010
Good passages:
-When you do THE RULES, you don't have to worry about him chasing other women, even your very attractive neighbor or his bosomy secretary.
-You don't eat cake if you're serious about losing weight.
-Notice how the Melanies intentionally don't carry a pen with them in order to give men their phone numbers and they don't rush to give their business cards.
-So, in addition to a healthy diet, we strongly suggest that you shake your buns! Join a gym, buy an exercise video, or go jogging in a nearby part (also a great place to meet men who are jogging or walking their dogs).
-You will have to experience a certain amount of discomfort when you can't eat a cookie and you can't call a man. But you want to be fit and you want to get married, so you do what you have to do.
-Don't aspire to the unisex look. Buy feminine-looking clothes to wear on the weekends as well as during the workweek. Remember that you're dressing for men, not other women, so always strive to look feminine.
-Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. The point is, we're girls! We don't want to look like boys.
-Your gestures are soft and feminine. When your hair falls in front of your face, you tilt your head back and comb back your hair with your hand from the top of your head in a slow sweeping motion.
-Remember, men fall in love with your essence, not with anything in particular you say.
-Men love a challenge, that's why they plays sports, wage wars, and raid corporations.
-Later on you can reciprocate in your own way: cook him dinner at your place or buy him a baseball cap.
-Life has enough pain without adding man pain to it. We can't control cancer or drunk drivers, but we can restrain ourselves from dialing his number.
-We feel that we are simply going to die if we don't hear his sexy voice this minute! That's understandable. We suggest you call his home answering machine when he's at work. Hang up before the beep. It really works!
-You're frenetically checking your answering machine, or if you live at home, you're constantly asking your mother if he called. Basically, you're living on the edge. RULES girls don't live on the edge. They have plans.
-Most women go on dates with a lot of expectations. They want the man to find them beautiful, to ask them out again, and to father their children.
-Of course, Randy should have ended the date right after the movie, but she though she could excite Bob with her great disco dancing. Other women try to prolong a first or second date, for example, by inviting the man up to her apartment for a drink or coffee so that he'll fall in love with her decorating, or her home-brewed decaf.
-Don't be fooled if these men say the kinds of things that make you believe they want to marry you. It happens all the time. It's called Standard Operating Procedure.
-This is deadly and boring.
-Remember rule #9--that the first three dates are about being light and charming, like a summer breeze.
-Don't say, 'No I never drink. I hit a terrible bottom with drugs and alcohol two years ago and now I'm sober in AA.' Just say, 'No thanks,' and smile.
-If his ad said, 'Marriage-minded, Tom Cruise Look-alike,' you could start your note off with: 'Dear Tom' or 'Dear T.C.'
-He may wonder if other men are looking at you in your Lyrca. That will good for the relationship.
-Don't sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling. You can read Sartre on Monday.
-He says he loves her, but he never pinches her bottom in the kitchen and would rather watch the 11 o'clock news alone in his reclining chair than cuddle in bed with his wife.
-It's natural to want to fly off the handle every time something goes wrong in the love Kingdom--we all have fantasies of marital bliss.
-This isn't always easy. Sometimes you just don't feel like shaving your legs, cooking him a hot meal, or being so sweet, kind, and loving.
-Don't you have a letter to send or a drawer to clean out?
-When he asks you out, silently count to five before saying yes. It will make him nervous and that's good!
-When you do THE RULES, you don't have to worry about him chasing other women, even your very attractive neighbor or his bosomy secretary.
-You don't eat cake if you're serious about losing weight.
-Notice how the Melanies intentionally don't carry a pen with them in order to give men their phone numbers and they don't rush to give their business cards.
-So, in addition to a healthy diet, we strongly suggest that you shake your buns! Join a gym, buy an exercise video, or go jogging in a nearby part (also a great place to meet men who are jogging or walking their dogs).
-You will have to experience a certain amount of discomfort when you can't eat a cookie and you can't call a man. But you want to be fit and you want to get married, so you do what you have to do.
-Don't aspire to the unisex look. Buy feminine-looking clothes to wear on the weekends as well as during the workweek. Remember that you're dressing for men, not other women, so always strive to look feminine.
-Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. The point is, we're girls! We don't want to look like boys.
-Your gestures are soft and feminine. When your hair falls in front of your face, you tilt your head back and comb back your hair with your hand from the top of your head in a slow sweeping motion.
-Remember, men fall in love with your essence, not with anything in particular you say.
-Men love a challenge, that's why they plays sports, wage wars, and raid corporations.
-Later on you can reciprocate in your own way: cook him dinner at your place or buy him a baseball cap.
-Life has enough pain without adding man pain to it. We can't control cancer or drunk drivers, but we can restrain ourselves from dialing his number.
-We feel that we are simply going to die if we don't hear his sexy voice this minute! That's understandable. We suggest you call his home answering machine when he's at work. Hang up before the beep. It really works!
-You're frenetically checking your answering machine, or if you live at home, you're constantly asking your mother if he called. Basically, you're living on the edge. RULES girls don't live on the edge. They have plans.
-Most women go on dates with a lot of expectations. They want the man to find them beautiful, to ask them out again, and to father their children.
-Of course, Randy should have ended the date right after the movie, but she though she could excite Bob with her great disco dancing. Other women try to prolong a first or second date, for example, by inviting the man up to her apartment for a drink or coffee so that he'll fall in love with her decorating, or her home-brewed decaf.
-Don't be fooled if these men say the kinds of things that make you believe they want to marry you. It happens all the time. It's called Standard Operating Procedure.
-This is deadly and boring.
-Remember rule #9--that the first three dates are about being light and charming, like a summer breeze.
-Don't say, 'No I never drink. I hit a terrible bottom with drugs and alcohol two years ago and now I'm sober in AA.' Just say, 'No thanks,' and smile.
-If his ad said, 'Marriage-minded, Tom Cruise Look-alike,' you could start your note off with: 'Dear Tom' or 'Dear T.C.'
-He may wonder if other men are looking at you in your Lyrca. That will good for the relationship.
-Don't sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling. You can read Sartre on Monday.
-He says he loves her, but he never pinches her bottom in the kitchen and would rather watch the 11 o'clock news alone in his reclining chair than cuddle in bed with his wife.
-It's natural to want to fly off the handle every time something goes wrong in the love Kingdom--we all have fantasies of marital bliss.
-This isn't always easy. Sometimes you just don't feel like shaving your legs, cooking him a hot meal, or being so sweet, kind, and loving.
-Don't you have a letter to send or a drawer to clean out?
-When he asks you out, silently count to five before saying yes. It will make him nervous and that's good!
July 18, 2014
Around the time this book became a bestseller in the 90s, I had been dating a woman who did me the favor of recommending it to me to read. It was at the end of our 'relationship,' and we were getting thoroughly sick of each other. I was obviously not the kind of man she wanted, and she certainly was not the kind of woman I wanted.
I read it cover to cover. I suppose she wanted me to learn from the book so I could 'improve myself' for other women, but all the book did was provide irony. It exposed many of the things about her I had grown tired of--the 'missed messages'; the silence; the cool responses to my efforts to be nice, and many other things I felt were inconsiderate and manipulative.
I won't assume this book fully explained what kind of woman she was, because it didn't and couldn't, but the book did explain at least some of the behaviors that I believe damaged any chance for us to remain together.
I'm not judging this book by one failed relationship, because that would be shallow--but I am judging it for what it actually is: conventional wisdom mixed with advice to women for manipulating their suitors, and the book earns low marks for the latter.
I understand playing hard to get--that's pretty normal stuff. And I'm not against ground rules in a relationship--in fact, I'm all for them. But I do believe deception only hurts relationships, and I believe in equal measures for equal efforts. If you want to call someone, call him; if something pisses you off, tell him and let him know why; if something makes you happy, don't hide it just because you think that would only encourage him. That's bullshit. Be honest with the man you think you like. It works. If a man is fighting an uphill battle because you're playing games with him, chances are he'll give up and find a woman who doesn't play games. I'm glad I did.
I think this book could have been retitled from The Rules to The Games--but that would have been too honest.
I read it cover to cover. I suppose she wanted me to learn from the book so I could 'improve myself' for other women, but all the book did was provide irony. It exposed many of the things about her I had grown tired of--the 'missed messages'; the silence; the cool responses to my efforts to be nice, and many other things I felt were inconsiderate and manipulative.
I won't assume this book fully explained what kind of woman she was, because it didn't and couldn't, but the book did explain at least some of the behaviors that I believe damaged any chance for us to remain together.
I'm not judging this book by one failed relationship, because that would be shallow--but I am judging it for what it actually is: conventional wisdom mixed with advice to women for manipulating their suitors, and the book earns low marks for the latter.
I understand playing hard to get--that's pretty normal stuff. And I'm not against ground rules in a relationship--in fact, I'm all for them. But I do believe deception only hurts relationships, and I believe in equal measures for equal efforts. If you want to call someone, call him; if something pisses you off, tell him and let him know why; if something makes you happy, don't hide it just because you think that would only encourage him. That's bullshit. Be honest with the man you think you like. It works. If a man is fighting an uphill battle because you're playing games with him, chances are he'll give up and find a woman who doesn't play games. I'm glad I did.
I think this book could have been retitled from The Rules to The Games--but that would have been too honest.
May 30, 2009
I wrote a paper in college on this book. Not only do they not cite any research to support their "rules," many of their "rules" contradict each other. Numerous studies have been done (PRIOR to the book being published) that prove most of the theories wrong.
The foundation for the book was that the rules "worked for them!" What they don't tell you is that one of the authors went through a divorce during the promotional tour for one of their follow-up books. Clearly the rules did not work for her.
Do not waste your time or money on this garbage.
The foundation for the book was that the rules "worked for them!" What they don't tell you is that one of the authors went through a divorce during the promotional tour for one of their follow-up books. Clearly the rules did not work for her.
Do not waste your time or money on this garbage.
May 2, 2008
Three stars for the sheer comedy (I never fail to snicker when glancing at the title of Chapter IV: "But First the Product - You!"). Penny for penny (I found this in the 48-cent bin at The Strand and promptly gave it to my underappreciative boyfriend, now husband), this was one of my more amusing book purchases.
If you don't want to read the whole book, you can go to the end of the book and read the list of all the rules, which juxtapose (probably unintended) hilarity ("Do the Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!" - Rule 33) with (again probably unintended) poignancy ("Love Only Those Who Love You" - Rule 34).
If you don't want to read the whole book, you can go to the end of the book and read the list of all the rules, which juxtapose (probably unintended) hilarity ("Do the Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!" - Rule 33) with (again probably unintended) poignancy ("Love Only Those Who Love You" - Rule 34).
September 16, 2012
This book was ridiculous. I read it 15 years ago and I'm still irritated that I'll never get that half-hour back.
December 4, 2007
One of the things of reading books like this that come my way is the understanding that, whatever the attempts to make it seem neutral, I'm not part of the book's expected purchasing market. And that goes double for this one, which has no pretensions whatsoever of being equal opportunity. So, reading this type of book is pure entertainment. And just to keep my mind in the game, since this is a book purporting to give advice on romance to an as yet unidentified male, the question I have is, if I happen to be the unidentified male in question, would a given female following this advice have a chance of having me remember anything about her the next week? Especially if, to paraphrase the authors, I happen to be someone who is regularly engaged with work, hobbies, other friends, interesting people, etc.
Well, frankly, probably not. There is repeatedly supporting encouragement about playing hard to get, of not initiating lines of conversation, of waiting until a romantic relationship is well secure before having conversations on anything other then the most vapid of topics. Besides being unmemorable in groups, should I actually go out on a date with such a girl, I would probably walk away thinking what a boring, uninteresting, vapid person this is, with no hopes, dreams, opinions, ambition or thoughts on anything other than (presumably) dating and marriage (I probably would add the last despite the young lady following the authors admonishment to avoid relationships as a topic of conversation). The emphasis on form over substance is particularly shallow (by definition).
Something good? Well, the advice of not fantasizing the attentions and interest of a man who does not take any initiative or do any work in the relationship is a good idea. And given the people who I have known who don't seem to think the fact that I did not remember anything about a lady who I met a week prior to be a contraindication of substantial romantic interest, it probably is something worth saying and emphasizing. And also the repeated emphasis on a woman who desires romantic involvment have other things in her life like hobbies, community service, time with friends, interests, is good too (although there are a few points where the authors suggest that the suggestion of these things is more important then the reality). Also the point that they should view themselves as something valuable, and a relationship beyond friendship is not something to be given lightly.
But the biggest flaw (as I see) is that not all people (male and female) have the same desires in romantic/marital relationships. To contrast this with things like Gary Chapman The Five Love Languages or Neil Clark Warren Finding The Love Of Your Life, The Rules is aimed at women who want the romantic story type of relationship with the focus on gifts, and this type of woman will attract the type of guy who also wants that type of relationship right out of the movies. Someone who Chapman or Warren describe as showing or desiring love in other ways would be unsatisfied or may not even notice the woman who follows The Rules exists.
Well, frankly, probably not. There is repeatedly supporting encouragement about playing hard to get, of not initiating lines of conversation, of waiting until a romantic relationship is well secure before having conversations on anything other then the most vapid of topics. Besides being unmemorable in groups, should I actually go out on a date with such a girl, I would probably walk away thinking what a boring, uninteresting, vapid person this is, with no hopes, dreams, opinions, ambition or thoughts on anything other than (presumably) dating and marriage (I probably would add the last despite the young lady following the authors admonishment to avoid relationships as a topic of conversation). The emphasis on form over substance is particularly shallow (by definition).
Something good? Well, the advice of not fantasizing the attentions and interest of a man who does not take any initiative or do any work in the relationship is a good idea. And given the people who I have known who don't seem to think the fact that I did not remember anything about a lady who I met a week prior to be a contraindication of substantial romantic interest, it probably is something worth saying and emphasizing. And also the repeated emphasis on a woman who desires romantic involvment have other things in her life like hobbies, community service, time with friends, interests, is good too (although there are a few points where the authors suggest that the suggestion of these things is more important then the reality). Also the point that they should view themselves as something valuable, and a relationship beyond friendship is not something to be given lightly.
But the biggest flaw (as I see) is that not all people (male and female) have the same desires in romantic/marital relationships. To contrast this with things like Gary Chapman The Five Love Languages or Neil Clark Warren Finding The Love Of Your Life, The Rules is aimed at women who want the romantic story type of relationship with the focus on gifts, and this type of woman will attract the type of guy who also wants that type of relationship right out of the movies. Someone who Chapman or Warren describe as showing or desiring love in other ways would be unsatisfied or may not even notice the woman who follows The Rules exists.
February 22, 2011
As a guy, I think I have a pretty unique perspective about this book. I enjoyed reading it since my ex girlfriend left it at my house after she broke up with me and moved out. Who knows if she left it there on purpose or not, but I felt I had to read it nonetheless. After reading it, many of the things she said and did made a lot more sense. I know she was playing by at least some of the rules because she had once told me that she could not do something or go somewhere because that would be breaking the rules (this before I knew the book existed).
Let me start by saying some of this book is very out of date! It refers to answering machines and letting your mother answer/screen the phone for you. If a woman still lives at home, odds are, I would not be dating her. There may be a more up to date version of this book out there though. I think text messaging, IM, email, and cell phones have made much of this book extremely outdated. I am not a fan of electronic leashes (cell phones) and our need for instant communication but it has become a necessary component of our modern world.
This book has SOME good advice. It has a lot of advice that makes a "rule follower" appear shallow and act like a bitch. I cannot cite specific examples as I lent the book to my sister and have never seen it again, but I do remember a few things. It suggests not accepting dates after a certain day of the week, even if you have nothing to do. I often do not know my work schedule until a day or two before the weekend. If I ask her out on Thursday and she says she is busy but when I ask her about her weekend later and she says she really did not do anything, I most likely will not be calling again.
My suggestion on this book is read it but use some common sense. Follow some of it but also think about how it will affect his perception you.
Let me start by saying some of this book is very out of date! It refers to answering machines and letting your mother answer/screen the phone for you. If a woman still lives at home, odds are, I would not be dating her. There may be a more up to date version of this book out there though. I think text messaging, IM, email, and cell phones have made much of this book extremely outdated. I am not a fan of electronic leashes (cell phones) and our need for instant communication but it has become a necessary component of our modern world.
This book has SOME good advice. It has a lot of advice that makes a "rule follower" appear shallow and act like a bitch. I cannot cite specific examples as I lent the book to my sister and have never seen it again, but I do remember a few things. It suggests not accepting dates after a certain day of the week, even if you have nothing to do. I often do not know my work schedule until a day or two before the weekend. If I ask her out on Thursday and she says she is busy but when I ask her about her weekend later and she says she really did not do anything, I most likely will not be calling again.
My suggestion on this book is read it but use some common sense. Follow some of it but also think about how it will affect his perception you.
February 15, 2013
I got this book the first time it was published and have used The Rules ever since. The purpose of these Rules is to teach women boundaries and self-respect, which are quickly forgotten once we get into a relationship. It's not about trying to be someone you're not or putting on a false personality. It gives a woman the ability to make up her mind and not go too fast in a relationship and it gives both parties the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful dance of courtship, which seems to have been forgotten since the 1960s. It seems we're in such a rush to manufacture intimacy with disclosing too much in the early stages of a relationship and hop into bed to seal the deal. The book is all about taking it in slow, measured steps and learning how to appreciate yourself in the context of a relationship. I'm a therapist and I highly recommend this book to women who want to learn how to date -- something males AND females have forgotten how to do. And The Rules WORK. Yes, they're challenging to do, but women who implement them get married -- the others get hurt.
July 16, 2014
The question below the box says: "Is this book told in the past, present, or future tense?" That doesn't apply since this book is pure fantasy: it's bad advice, badly given. Oh, to scrub my brain clean again.
In a nutshell: if the most important thing to you is landing a man, you should be able to manage it by means of deception and great effort. Warning: there is nothing about this that isn't doomed to backfire on you and make you far more miserable than you would be should you become the crazy cat-hoarding lady of popular myth. At least your cats would love the real you.
In a nutshell: if the most important thing to you is landing a man, you should be able to manage it by means of deception and great effort. Warning: there is nothing about this that isn't doomed to backfire on you and make you far more miserable than you would be should you become the crazy cat-hoarding lady of popular myth. At least your cats would love the real you.
July 11, 2010
This was my bible late in college when I find myself single for the first time in years! A great handbook for a single girl that truly teaches you how to play the "game". I even did an informative speech on the book for my upper level speech class in college and won over a lot of people. Although meant to be satirical (I like satire that also rings true), it really works - I got the ring to prove it!
June 22, 2009
What this book says is: Be the beautiful, unique person you are, and the guy(s) who are looking for your uniqueness will follow you like puppies. ... Try to be someone else, waiting by the phone and chasing someone down who doesn't appreciate your spirit and talents, and you will pathetically spin your wheels without developing your own sense of self.
Your grandmother was right, your mother was right. Don't call the boys. If they really are interested, they will call you. They can't chase you if you are not running!
Your grandmother was right, your mother was right. Don't call the boys. If they really are interested, they will call you. They can't chase you if you are not running!
January 9, 2009
This book changed my life. I read it my junior year in high school and it gave me so much confidence. I continued to use it unitll I got married and have passed it on to many friends who have also greatly appriciated it's message.
July 28, 2010
The saying that comes to mind is, "If this is the sort of thing you like, you will like this sort of thing." If you're looking to convince a conventional sort of man to take you off the market and support you in the best style he can afford, and you don't mind transforming yourself into the sort of commodity that sort of man wants to take home, then this is the book for you. At least it feeds the hope that it's possible to achieve that goal and live happily ever after. If that doesn't sound like your idea of love, then you can leave the field to the diggers and just have a good chuckle at this book.
December 17, 2008
The general ideas of valuing oneself & never settling in this book are great; the specific practices are maybe a little extreme.
I know a couple of Rules girls. Both are total airheads. The pretty one is in a relationship, the goofy one isn't. The pretty one once dated my close friend who only likes unavailable women - especially married ones - for a long time. Both of these girls swear by this book.
I read it, & I think it's a good book to have read for perspective, but not necessarily any kind of dating bible or how-to.
I know a couple of Rules girls. Both are total airheads. The pretty one is in a relationship, the goofy one isn't. The pretty one once dated my close friend who only likes unavailable women - especially married ones - for a long time. Both of these girls swear by this book.
I read it, & I think it's a good book to have read for perspective, but not necessarily any kind of dating bible or how-to.
November 14, 2008
This book should have been listed under comedy, because it was hilarious! I mean sure, I'm 38 and still single, but do I really have to play these stupid mind games just to get some guy to marry me? I choose to be myself and if that means single, too, then I'm OK with that. :)
August 20, 2009
NEver helped me, but they are good standards to set for anyone. Morals never change.
October 19, 2012
Durch Zufall bin ich in unserer Bibliothek auf dieses Buch gestoßen. Der Titel und die Buchbeschreibung haben bei mir recht schnell Interesse geweckt. Eigentlich eher untypisch - Beziehungsratgeber sind ungefähr überhaupt nicht mein Ding^^. Allerdings dachte ich mir.. naja, vielleicht folgt ja die Erleuchtung auf dem Fuße. Das Buch ist total übersichtlich gegliedert - 1 Regel entspricht einem Kapitel - und liest sich insofern recht flüssig. Allerdings bin ich mir wirklich nicht sicher, ob diese Regeln überhaupt einhaltbar sind! Und schon gleich gar nicht von mir :D - Eisprinzessin spielen, ist gar nicht meins und das wird hier sehr groß geschrieben. Den ein oder anderen Tipp werde ich denke ich aber doch mitnehmen.. mein nächster Verehrer tut mir jetzt schon leid :D Fazit also: Selber lesen, Sinnvolles übernehmen, Unsinnvolles über Bord werfen :)
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I found this book in our local library truly by accident. I immediately liked the title and book description, although it`s rather unlikely for me to read this kind of books. But I thought to myself, maybe this book could enlighten me. It`s clearly arranged - one rule matches one chapter - so it`s easy to read. But I`m absolutely not sure, about the possibility to abide this rules, even if you really try. And this means for me, especially, as I don`t like playing the Ice princess, which is highly recommended in this book. But some of the rules sound rather clever, so I think I wil try one or another.. poor guy, who has to bear with it^^ So all in all I think you should go and read for yourself, keep the rules which sound good and dismiss the ones not :)
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I found this book in our local library truly by accident. I immediately liked the title and book description, although it`s rather unlikely for me to read this kind of books. But I thought to myself, maybe this book could enlighten me. It`s clearly arranged - one rule matches one chapter - so it`s easy to read. But I`m absolutely not sure, about the possibility to abide this rules, even if you really try. And this means for me, especially, as I don`t like playing the Ice princess, which is highly recommended in this book. But some of the rules sound rather clever, so I think I wil try one or another.. poor guy, who has to bear with it^^ So all in all I think you should go and read for yourself, keep the rules which sound good and dismiss the ones not :)
August 20, 2013
I only wish I had had this book when I was a young girl; it could have spared me a lot of suffering. My grandmother, I found out years after I'd grown into womanhood, once told my mother, "Where there is no respect,there can be no love." I think my mother should have filled me in a little bit on this. It sounds like common sense, yet common sense seems to be a rare flower indeed.
We tend to learn by example, especially as children and teens. My mother was an excellent spouse and caregiver to her children, but she was unable to convey to her daughters what to do in the years prior to becoming mommy/wifey. Most of us succumb to peer pressure-- and things our parents will probably never find out about. All that mom seemed to blurt, redundantly, is "Don't have sex before marriage". Easier said than done.
I believe that the authors have good intentions for their readers and their future spouses, and nothing in it seemed devious or malicious. I love many aspects of 'the rules' and I hope many young women will read the most recently updated version of it. I agree with some to the readers on Goodreads that a few of the pointers are outdated, so use them judiciously.
If this book doesn't work for you, and you feel the insidious sting of a lover's betrayal, then I strongly suggest reading a book entitled The Girls Guide to Surviving a Break-Up by Delphine Hirsh. Her guide is not only comforting but side-splitting hilarious (at least I thought so).
PS Watch the movie Nancy Drew, starring Emma Roberts. You'll get some great tips on how to be an independent, yet demure, LADY.
We tend to learn by example, especially as children and teens. My mother was an excellent spouse and caregiver to her children, but she was unable to convey to her daughters what to do in the years prior to becoming mommy/wifey. Most of us succumb to peer pressure-- and things our parents will probably never find out about. All that mom seemed to blurt, redundantly, is "Don't have sex before marriage". Easier said than done.
I believe that the authors have good intentions for their readers and their future spouses, and nothing in it seemed devious or malicious. I love many aspects of 'the rules' and I hope many young women will read the most recently updated version of it. I agree with some to the readers on Goodreads that a few of the pointers are outdated, so use them judiciously.
If this book doesn't work for you, and you feel the insidious sting of a lover's betrayal, then I strongly suggest reading a book entitled The Girls Guide to Surviving a Break-Up by Delphine Hirsh. Her guide is not only comforting but side-splitting hilarious (at least I thought so).
PS Watch the movie Nancy Drew, starring Emma Roberts. You'll get some great tips on how to be an independent, yet demure, LADY.
February 6, 2018
Thank goodness I followed none of the rules in this book to meet my hubby.
"The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right" is by far one of the most antiquated, misogynist, ridiculous books I have ever read. It reminded me a lot of those ads in the 50s encouraging women to do things for men so they could be rewarded with love/attention/a vacuum cleaner.
The woman who should "dress feminine" because she is dressing for men, not women, should instead probably wear whatever she wants because she is dressing for HERSELF. The woman who should have no sense of humor and should be demure and quiet in the presence of a man because men don't like women who are funny should probably date other types of men and laugh as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. The woman who should let the man shine rather than "show off" her accomplishments should tell that man to pound sand and then shout her accomplishments from the rooftops.
Seriously, this book, which seems to have been pulled from Betty Draper's bookshelf, is nothing more than a slap in the face to women and what they are: insightful, witty, intelligent, jovial, sensual, interesting, deeply engaging, resourceful, and altogether amazing creatures capable of everything from raising children to running the world. If you are looking for a book that celebrates those qualities -- and a man who celebrates them with you -- do yourself a great favor and do NOT bother with this book.
"The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right" is by far one of the most antiquated, misogynist, ridiculous books I have ever read. It reminded me a lot of those ads in the 50s encouraging women to do things for men so they could be rewarded with love/attention/a vacuum cleaner.
The woman who should "dress feminine" because she is dressing for men, not women, should instead probably wear whatever she wants because she is dressing for HERSELF. The woman who should have no sense of humor and should be demure and quiet in the presence of a man because men don't like women who are funny should probably date other types of men and laugh as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. The woman who should let the man shine rather than "show off" her accomplishments should tell that man to pound sand and then shout her accomplishments from the rooftops.
Seriously, this book, which seems to have been pulled from Betty Draper's bookshelf, is nothing more than a slap in the face to women and what they are: insightful, witty, intelligent, jovial, sensual, interesting, deeply engaging, resourceful, and altogether amazing creatures capable of everything from raising children to running the world. If you are looking for a book that celebrates those qualities -- and a man who celebrates them with you -- do yourself a great favor and do NOT bother with this book.
October 1, 2021
Nimeni nu își mai poate aminti exact cum s-au născut Regulile. Probabil că începutul lor dateazã de prin 1910, din vremea când bunica Melaniei îi fãcea pe bărbați s-o aștepte, tot mai nerăbdători, în salonul casei părinților ei de pe strada principală a unui orășel de provincie. Pe atunci Regulile se numeau «joculde-a te lãsa greu». Numele n-are însă nici o importanță. Importante că bunica a avut mai multe cereri în căsătorie decât batiste…Ea și-a transmis știința mamei Melaniei, care a transmis-o apoi fiicei ei. Aproape un secol a rămas o comoară de familie. Abia prin anii ’80, când s-a căsătorit, Melania a început, generoasă, să-și ofere sfaturile de modă veche prietenelor ei nemăritate și colegelor de serviciu, printre care ne numărăm. La început Melania a povestit despre Reguli în șoaptă. La urma urmei, nu se cuvine ca femeile moderne să vorbească în gura mare despre dorința lor de a se căsători. Am crescut – măcar cele mai tinere dintre noi – cu visul de a deveni directoare de firmă, nu soții de directori.
September 7, 2011
Okay...not sure I believe any of this bullshit...but I do know someone who follows this religiously and believes in it and it seems to be working for her. I just can't be myself or act a different way to " catch a husband". Not for me and this book seems outdated for the times. This is 2011 by the way so this book is way behind the times. I had to shake my head at most of the advice in this book. My advice is not to waste your time on this one.
February 11, 2009
Say what you wish. If you have a friend who is driving you crazy with her crazy relationship behavior or if you are the friend who is always being neurotic about men, (such as wondering when will THEY start acting like wonderful human beings) you need to get this book.
You can take some of it with a grain of salt, but the underlying premises are golden.
You can take some of it with a grain of salt, but the underlying premises are golden.
January 22, 2014
The only thing more depressing than reading The Rules is imagining the life of girls who live by them or pondering the idea that they might be effective. The author is divorced, though, so there's reason to think they're not.
November 11, 2009
Say what you want about this book, it made me feel good about myself.
September 13, 2011
This is one of my favorite books ever! It's amazing...do these dating rules really work? Hilarious!
January 19, 2015
It's exactly how you think it'll be, and therefore, fun.
Read
August 20, 2016People used to talk about this book a lot. People talked about it until I broke down and read it in the drug store, standing right there at the magazine/cheap paperback aisles. When I was looking for publication date and saw it came from 1995, I was like, "Whaaaaaa....?" I swear it's been out since the 1980's because I had a roommate in 1985--Natasha--who was a Rules girl if ever there was one.
So, this book's success was immediate and the backlash that followed it was severe. I think it was men who had it good, didn't have to open doors, or pay for dinner, and just said, "Sex, or else," and if it wasn't sex, they'd go on to the next one. This book gave many young women the tools to say no. I believe guys hated the feeling they were being trained like dogs. I use those two words ("trained" and "dogs") advisedly because I think it was indeed training, and yes, the training was part carrot and part choke collar. But anybody who has ever taken a class on animal management knows that the training is less about the four footed creature and much more about the two footed one. Dogs need to know what to expect always, and if their people are inconsistent they will be neurotic and unhappy. So dogs' people must learn to be clear in their indications of their needs. Perhaps this book was only advocating the same thing: be clear about what you need. Honestly, the only thing I recall from the book was that the authors suggested women get their men used to making plans before the weekend. That seems totally reasonable to me... that we shouldn't be waiting around for a guy to call at the last minute because he couldn't find a better party to go to. Which was the pathetic reality I grew up with.
Here's a real life example: In 1985 a girl I knew, Heidi, told me she'd like to come out with me to a party that weekend, but warned me if her boyfriend/fuck-mate--Toof--at the time called her up she'd drop us for him. This is the kind of behavior that was going on during those Reagan years. Man, those boys had it good! Whyever would they want priority boarding to stop?
The only other thing I can recall about this book is that it suggested in very strong terms that girls interested in dating should have plans for Saturday by Wednesday night. I think the key of the matter was look busy, but the meta message was bigger. It was: get a life! Have hobbies! Do things! Don't spend your life waiting at home!
The reason I'm bringing up ancient history is that a 45 year old friend of mine, recently involved in a phone-up relationship with a new guy, told me, after several weeks of talking daily, but no one-on-one time, that when she finally said, "So, when are we going to finally get together? Don't you feel like it's about time?" that he quipped, "What, are you a 'Rules Girl'?" Which, to my mind says he's someone who has been thwarted by girls in the past. It makes my less charitable angel suggest he may be one of those middle-aged guys who wished he'd dipped his wick a lot more when he was younger, and forgets, it's not all that easy for most guys to get as much sex as they'd like because they always forget that for women there are start-up costs to sex.
I remember hearing a bunch of women pointing out gleefully that all of the contributors to "The Rules" were divorced. I think that's sad, that you want others to suffer because you disagree with their message. Obviously the message has resonance if it's still being used 20 years later.
So, this book's success was immediate and the backlash that followed it was severe. I think it was men who had it good, didn't have to open doors, or pay for dinner, and just said, "Sex, or else," and if it wasn't sex, they'd go on to the next one. This book gave many young women the tools to say no. I believe guys hated the feeling they were being trained like dogs. I use those two words ("trained" and "dogs") advisedly because I think it was indeed training, and yes, the training was part carrot and part choke collar. But anybody who has ever taken a class on animal management knows that the training is less about the four footed creature and much more about the two footed one. Dogs need to know what to expect always, and if their people are inconsistent they will be neurotic and unhappy. So dogs' people must learn to be clear in their indications of their needs. Perhaps this book was only advocating the same thing: be clear about what you need. Honestly, the only thing I recall from the book was that the authors suggested women get their men used to making plans before the weekend. That seems totally reasonable to me... that we shouldn't be waiting around for a guy to call at the last minute because he couldn't find a better party to go to. Which was the pathetic reality I grew up with.
Here's a real life example: In 1985 a girl I knew, Heidi, told me she'd like to come out with me to a party that weekend, but warned me if her boyfriend/fuck-mate--Toof--at the time called her up she'd drop us for him. This is the kind of behavior that was going on during those Reagan years. Man, those boys had it good! Whyever would they want priority boarding to stop?
The only other thing I can recall about this book is that it suggested in very strong terms that girls interested in dating should have plans for Saturday by Wednesday night. I think the key of the matter was look busy, but the meta message was bigger. It was: get a life! Have hobbies! Do things! Don't spend your life waiting at home!
The reason I'm bringing up ancient history is that a 45 year old friend of mine, recently involved in a phone-up relationship with a new guy, told me, after several weeks of talking daily, but no one-on-one time, that when she finally said, "So, when are we going to finally get together? Don't you feel like it's about time?" that he quipped, "What, are you a 'Rules Girl'?" Which, to my mind says he's someone who has been thwarted by girls in the past. It makes my less charitable angel suggest he may be one of those middle-aged guys who wished he'd dipped his wick a lot more when he was younger, and forgets, it's not all that easy for most guys to get as much sex as they'd like because they always forget that for women there are start-up costs to sex.
I remember hearing a bunch of women pointing out gleefully that all of the contributors to "The Rules" were divorced. I think that's sad, that you want others to suffer because you disagree with their message. Obviously the message has resonance if it's still being used 20 years later.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 12, 2024
3.75
After listening to a podcast talking about this book, I simply had to read it to see what the fuss was about.
This book gets a lot of hate, and for all of its talk about needing to stay slim and trim makes that make sense.
However, there are a lot of very practical, direct, and simple instructions for how to behave in the beginning of a romantic relationship; no one has ever directly taught us how to date or seduce. I believe that there are little tips or tricks you can steal from this book even if you don’t agree with everything it has to say.
It provides tangible, measurable times and limits to specific interactions. Some of this is outdated, talking about leaving messages and answering machines, but other things are stil relevant always.
This book however, could definitely be turned into a 3 page pamphlet with bullet points of the still relevant rules,, and updated rules for a modern world with texting, online dating, etc;
If this book were to be published here in the 2020’s, it would simply need a publicity overhaul, a complete rebranding. It’s not about ‘how to capture mr.right’ but “how to live in your divine receiving feminine energy” with sections about how you ‘do not chase. You attract’.
For example, a new excerpt would look something like this.
“You are worth more than a 3 hours advanced notice. Always make plans for your next 3 days ahead, even if they are self care, sitting in bed days. If a man is asking you to hang out that night, he is not respecting your time and treating you as a last minute option. You, as a divine feminine, are NOT a last minute option. You are a luxury, a blessing, who is hard to access, who reserves her energy for someone who respects it. Politely decline last minute plans, especially if it’s just to ‘chill’. If they are worth your time, they will catch on.”
Again, the book gets hate today not because of (most) of its actual content but because of the way it’s phrased, and (again) its obsession with skinny. Which I believe makes it worth reading if you’re willing to ignore the self hating parts, and focus on how much it insists that you demand respect from your potential partners, that you have a full life outside of your romantic one, that you treat them with the same respect you demand, and hold your boundaries strong, but simply leaving any situation that breaks them.
In a world of social media and unhealthy social habits, a taste of old school tactics might be beneficial.
After listening to a podcast talking about this book, I simply had to read it to see what the fuss was about.
This book gets a lot of hate, and for all of its talk about needing to stay slim and trim makes that make sense.
However, there are a lot of very practical, direct, and simple instructions for how to behave in the beginning of a romantic relationship; no one has ever directly taught us how to date or seduce. I believe that there are little tips or tricks you can steal from this book even if you don’t agree with everything it has to say.
It provides tangible, measurable times and limits to specific interactions. Some of this is outdated, talking about leaving messages and answering machines, but other things are stil relevant always.
This book however, could definitely be turned into a 3 page pamphlet with bullet points of the still relevant rules,, and updated rules for a modern world with texting, online dating, etc;
If this book were to be published here in the 2020’s, it would simply need a publicity overhaul, a complete rebranding. It’s not about ‘how to capture mr.right’ but “how to live in your divine receiving feminine energy” with sections about how you ‘do not chase. You attract’.
For example, a new excerpt would look something like this.
“You are worth more than a 3 hours advanced notice. Always make plans for your next 3 days ahead, even if they are self care, sitting in bed days. If a man is asking you to hang out that night, he is not respecting your time and treating you as a last minute option. You, as a divine feminine, are NOT a last minute option. You are a luxury, a blessing, who is hard to access, who reserves her energy for someone who respects it. Politely decline last minute plans, especially if it’s just to ‘chill’. If they are worth your time, they will catch on.”
Again, the book gets hate today not because of (most) of its actual content but because of the way it’s phrased, and (again) its obsession with skinny. Which I believe makes it worth reading if you’re willing to ignore the self hating parts, and focus on how much it insists that you demand respect from your potential partners, that you have a full life outside of your romantic one, that you treat them with the same respect you demand, and hold your boundaries strong, but simply leaving any situation that breaks them.
In a world of social media and unhealthy social habits, a taste of old school tactics might be beneficial.
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