Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child

by Maurice J. Elias, Steven E. Tobias, Brian S. Friedlander

Have you, as a parent, ever found yourself treating your children in a way you would never tolerate from someone else? The authors of Emotionally Intelligent Parenting call for a new Golden Rule: Do unto your children as you would have other people do unto your children. And most important, they show us how to live by it. Based upon extensive research, firsthand experience, and case studies, Emotionally Intelligent Parenting breaks the mold of traditional parenting books by taking into account the strong role of emotions -- those of parents and children -- in psychological development. With this book, parents will learn how to communicate with children on a deeper, more gratifying level and how to help them successfully navigate the intricacies of relating to others. The authors take the five basic principles of Daniel Goleman's best-seller, Emotional Intelligence , and explain how they can be applied to successful parenting. To this end, the book offers suggestions, stories, dialogues, activities, and a special section of Sound EQ Parenting Bites to help parents use their emotions in the most constructive ways, focusing on such everyday issues as sibling rivalry, fights with friends, school situations, homework, and peer pressure. In the authors' extensive experience, children respond quickly to these strategies, their self-confidence is strengthened, their curiosity is piqued, and they learn to assert their independence while developing their ability to make responsible choices.

Genres: Parenting, Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction

272 pages, Paperback

First published December 29, 1998

Reviews

[Narcisa Chiric · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cartea este dezvoltată pe ideea inteligenței emoționale a lui Daniel Goleman și are ca principiu importanța vieții emoționale în familie. Se vorbește foarte mult și deschis despre sentimente și cum ar trebui acestea exprimate într-un cadru de siguranță cum este mediul familial. Toate emoțiile și sentimentele sunt normale iar părinții trebuie să fie un exemplu pentru copii în ceea ce privește descoperirea lor.

Mi-a plăcut ce am citit despre atenția pe care o vor copii și pe care o pot obține în mod negativ uneori pentru că ei nu fac diferența, tot atenție este indiferent de cum o primesc. Părinții însă pot încuraja un comportament negativ prin atenția oferită.

Nu am fost de acord cu toate ideile din carte cum ar fi metoda "liniștește-te". De asemenea, exemplele de dialoguri oferite pentru mine nu au fost utile.

[Jess castellanos lobaton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok, so I think this work deserves a 3.5 stars under my criteria.

I can see the big effort and work all this authors dedicated to this book and I understand their goal and intention but, unless someone in your family is also a psychologist, its quiet "hard" to follow it or to make it real in a daily life...

I liked that its very well organized so that if one day you need to look for something specific, it won’t take you long time to find it, the real-life-examples and the variety of them. It tries to be funny and casual but they tried to hard... Although is very clear in every aspect.
The book it’s ok, mostly if you are a first-time-mom and you need some “guide” or sort of an order of the thoughts that spin around your head and, is always good to feel some support on what you think you are doing right and of course, to see things from a different angle and realize that maybe you’ve being asking too much to yourself or to your child, or to life itself. I guess is better to be pointed from a book than from your husband, mom, friend or mother-in-law when you are wrong. Being honest.
The book tries to show you different exits a problem-at-home may have. I don’t think “write your feelings” exactly in the moment when you are losing your nerves is possible BUT it IS to STOP, breath, think, consider, reconsider, decide better how to confront the problem and to care about it in a better and more calm way. That is exactly what I think “Parenting with Emotional Intelligence” means.

In MY case and as a mom, it gave ways to improve self-control, modulate the intensity of my feelings and express my thoughts better. When and how to punish my son in a more coherent way. To Ask and argue better, avoiding indirect accusations. In a conversation or even watching tv, to listen actively: questioning, recognizing feelings in the characters, wonder the values or objectives shown, etc. How to keep my son open, honest and closer to me, to be alert on what really matters and to Trust more when is not the time for me to interfere. Etc...
I think we'll never stop learning, we'll never know it all and this is a very important topic parents should never leave beside. The relationships with our family and our kids bring daily surprises and we should anticipate to possibles and if not, be ready to improvise!
GOOD LUCK ;)

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reinforces all the other principles from parenting books and podcasts on respectful/gentle parenting that I’ve been learning for the past three years. It’s technical and humorous at times. It goes from toddler through high school, so I’ll definitely keep it around. My husband and I have been using FIGTESPN in our conflict resolution as well.

[Ela · Rating 4 out of 5]

--> "Copii din orfelinate nu sufera din cauza lipsei de hrana, adapost si imbracaminte, ci din cauza absentei dialogului, a mangaierii si a dragostei. Toti avem nevoie de atentie, de contactul cu oamenii si de relatii implinite de iubire. Cautarea unor legaturi de afectiune si a atentiei pozitive sunt principalii factori motivationali ai comportamentului, in special la copii. "(pag 112)
-->Trebuie sa le vorbim copiilor astfel incat sa-i determinam sa gandeasca. Nu le oferim solutia, ii ajutam sa o gaseasca singuri.(pag 81)
-->"O oarecare doza de stres poate sa ne motiveze, dar prea mult stres ne impiedica sa fim in forma cea mai buna. Pt oamenii cuprinsi de nervozitate, este foarte greu sa faca ceea ce stiu ca este bine in conditii normale."
-->"Oamenii care sunt in stare sa priveasca lucrurile din diferite unghiuri sunt, de obicei, mai capabili sa-si controleze impulsul de a lua decizii rapide si pot rezolva problemele intr-un mod mai creativ si mai eficient"
-->"Mustrarile care nu mai iau sfarsit sunt nepractice si, deseori, il vor indemna pe copil ca data viitoare sa fie mai siret!"
-->"Pentru a comunica, nu este suficient sa ne exprimam clar, ci trebuie sa stim cum sa ascultam si sa oferim raspunsuri constructive."
-->"Laudati-va copiii pentru atuurile lor cat de des puteti."
-->Timpul petrecut impreuna va da roade atunci cand membrii familiei stiu ca isi pot impartasii fara teama sentimentele. Nu vor sa fie insultati, pedepsiti sau ca ideile lor sa fie luate in deradere.(pag 51)
-->"Familiile in care membrii acestora isi impartasesc punctele de vedere, discuta despre sentimentele lor si fac legaturi intre acestea si evenimentele petrecute sunt un suport pentru copiii lor.
Cand parintii creeaza o atmosfera poitiva si ii ajuta pe copii sa-si rezolve problemele in loc sa le ofere solutiile pe tava sau sa ia toate deciziile in locul lor,
sunt mult mai mari sansele ca micutii sa-si dezvolte simtul responsabilitatii.(pag 47)"
-->"Desi nu vor spune niciodata acest lucru, copiii au nevoie ca adultii sa le impuna anumite granite si reguli.(...) Orice parinte trebuie sa impuna granite care nu sunt negociabile." (pag 56)
--> Cutia cu imbratisari. De ce imbratisari? Pentru ca aceste manifestari de iubire intaresc legaturile dintre membrii unei familii. Ele sunt un mod sigur de a impartasii sentimente calduroase.(pag 75+76)
-->Trebuie sa le vorbim copiilor astfel incat sa-i determinam sa gandeasca. Nu le oferim solutia, ii ajutam sa o gaseasca singuri.

[Anthony · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite this book being more than 25 years old, it turns out children have not changed all that much, and what works for effective, emotionally-responsive parenting is the same then as now (albeit YES! we're in a 'slighty' different environment). Emotionally Intelligent Parenting is rich with concrete examples of how to instill pro-social attitudes, defuse conflict, and properly understand what your child is driven by and responding to when DS/DD hits a sibling, throws toys, or verbally berates you. I found myself trying to enact the authors' recommendations as I worked through the book, and I will be keeping this on the shelf for easy reference as DD gets older and the set of challenges posed by her navigating life/establishing an identity undoubtedly change with age.

[M.R.K M.R.K · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a good read, even though I have no kids and not married but it was interesting to look through the EI strategies for children. Also, I was able to reflect on my childhood issues and learned so much from it.

[Holly Ward · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a difficult read, outdated and drawn out. Although well intended and making good points throughout some of the chapters, it is a lot of common sense but also somewhat boring and tactile in delivery.

[Sasha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good advice, but written so boring!!!!!!!!!! I pretty much slept thru most of the book.

[Cojocaru · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good directions! Strongly recommend the book altho I do find thier examples of practical activities not very realistic.

[Ximena Vacaflor · Rating 3 out of 5]

it just talks about a certain type of children

[Virginia · Rating 2 out of 5]

This "how to" book about parenting is ok. Many of the things mentioned are common sense, the writing is somewhat cheesy (what parenting book isn't), and of course some of the things you can take or leave (the "chill-out" method). What I thought was good was the section on types of questions and the types of answers they illicit. This was something I learned for teaching. If you ask a yes/no question, you will probably not get an elaborate answer, etc. I didn't find this book to be very useful for toddler age children.

[Mildred · Rating 4 out of 5]

No esta mal, creo que es para personas que necesitan afinar unos detalles de educación emocional.
Mi conclusión es ver a la familia como un empresa con objetivos y metas y estar siempre en renovación

[Tabetha]

I couldn't get passed the whole "why the parenting skills taught in this book are important" section. Since I picked up the book and opened it, obviously I too thought the parenting skills are important. I wish they would spend more time on the actual parenting skills instead of selling the book.

[Stephanie Mcdonald · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of crap to sift through, but there is some good advice...anything to help, right?

[MD · Rating 2 out of 5]

Author is either trying to be funny (and failing) or writing painfully uninteresting. Skip this one if you are into parenting books.

[Nick Lo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Read a few pages then figured the most emotionally intelligent thing to do was to hand this to our kids, get them to read it and let us know if we need to change anything.