How to Get Divorced by 30: My Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage

by Sascha Rothchild

A hilarious memoir about the ending of a marriage that should have lasted forever—or at least for five years.

It's an age-old story. Girl meets boy. Girl marries boy. Girl decides she is way too young to be stuck in nuptial mediocrity.

When Sascha realized that the one person she didn't want at her thirtieth birthday party was her husband, she knew that it was time for the relationship to end. So, like the hordes of others of her generation for whom starter marriages are as common as Louis Vuitton knock-offs and $5 Starbucks lattes, they got divorced. With wit, moxie, and honesty, Sascha spills about the horrible ex-boyfriends, awkward dates, drugs, a near-death experience, and memories of growing up in an unconventional household that led to her short-lived marriage.

A story of love, loss, a flat-screen TV named Ruby, and plenty of misguided decisions, How to Get Divorced by 30 is a hysterical look at what exactly “Til death do us part” means today.

Genres: Memoir, Humor, Nonfiction, Chick Lit

210 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

Sascha Rothchild grew up in South Beach and excelled in school although not at the expense of causing trouble. Her defiant teen years are infamously portrayed on the national radio show This American Life.
After majoring in playwriting at Boston College and graduating summa cum laude, Sascha moved to Los Angeles to begin her television writing career. She broke into the tv and film business when her humorous personal essays published in LA Weekly got the attention of movie studios. Her article How To Get Divorced By 30 was optioned by Universal Studios and she was given a book deal by Penguin. She was then hired to write the feature for the studio, putting her on the Hollywood map, and her memoir How To Get Divorced by 30 garnered lots of buzz. She then went on to also sell feature films to Dreamworks, Sony, Paramount, Disney and Fox.
She shifted her attention to television, her original goal, and sold a comedy pilot to NBC. She was also staffed as a writer and Consulting Producer on The CW show The Carrie Diaries. Sascha has since developed original TV pilots for Freeform, ABC, The CW, HBO and Netflix. She was named one of ten “writers to watch” by Variety in 2014.
For the past three years she has been writing and co-executive producing the Emmy nominated Netflix series GLOW as well as writing and producing the Netflix show Huge In France. She also wrote and co-executive produced the fourth season of the lauded Freeform/Hulu show The Bold Type and is currently an Executive Producer and writer on the hit Netflix series, The Babysitters Club. Sascha continues to also write personal essays, the most recent was published by Elle Magazine.
Sascha is thrilled to announce that her debut novel, Blood Sugar, is being published by Putnam in the Spring of 2022.

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Two & a half stars, really.

I picked up this book becasue I really like Rothchild's segments in Mortified, and also because I've been evaluating my relationships and those of my friends as most of us are around 30.

I spent most of the book rolling my eyes at her loser ex-husband. "Really? And you still married him WHY?" He comes across as a worthless lump of slack, and although the book is obviously written from a 20/20 hindsight POV, I was left thinking the author was a dumbass for not seeing the giant warning signs that THIS GUY SUCKS DON'T MARRY HIM! (At the same time, I had to take everything she said with a grain of salt, as we aren't treated to the proverbial second side of the story. Rothchild does reveal a lot of her own flaws and mistakes in the marriage, for which I give her credit, but I was left wondering what aspects of the failed relationship she left out...)

The book was funny in several places and I enjoyed the author's writing style. Here's the problem, though: Memoirs are so very trendy now - At what point does one's life become "worthy" of a memoir? The drug abuse and getting nearly killed by a train would have made MUCH better focuses for a book than her starter marriage did. As funny as this quick read was at points, and despite a few choice bon mots, the fact of the matter is this 30-year-old really hasn't done anything interesting enough with her life to merit a memoir.

[Patricia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know why I picked up this book, and I think it was only the quality of the writing that kept me reading it to the end. I don't necessarily recommend it, as it was such a sad and shocking story of an American girl about 10 years younger than me but living a COMPLETELY different lifestyle from mine. Her mother, though loving in her own way, shocks me to the core with the way she raises her children! It is amazing that Sascha survived as well as she did. It's good (not great) memoir writing, and occasionally humorous, but mostly very sad.

One passage that has me thinking long after I've finished the book is from p.146, "It's like I always say about the whole Jesus Christ thing. If he loves everyone, no matter what, then why is his love worth anything? I never understood that. If a teacher gives everyone in class an A, then the A loses its value. ...I don't want to be loved by someone who loves everyone. I want to be loved by someone who loves no one, because that makes the love special."

[Pam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed listening to the Rothschild when she came on Dani Shapiro's podcast, Family Secrets. I loved what she had to say and how she said it. She sounded like someone I just needed to know more about, so I was thrilled to discover she wrote this book. I really wanted to like it. And I did for the first few chapters. But after a while I was like, "Okay, you married him because you felt like you needed to get married and it's not working. I get it." It just didn't grab me that way I wanted it to. I like her sense of humor and she's entertaining but this book lacked something... totally speculating here but I feel like there was so much under the surface would have made the book more rich but that she couldn't say because (to my knowledge) all the characters in the book were still alive when she published it. If she comes out with another memoir or writes fiction I'd definitely try again.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unremarkable chicklit. Competent prose barely masks her whining. It's not Rothchild's fault she's an ordinary 20-/30-something making entirely ordinary mistakes and I suspect there are a few 20-somethings among her readership who can use her book as advice. But it's no more interesting than your average English major's blog.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is exactly what I needed on my cancelled wedding day. It's nice to know that many people make mistakes and that each one is like jumping onto a train that's pulling into a station. The mistakes make you who you are and you need them to learn. Thank you Sascha.

[Sara Strand · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now, I need to tell you the reason I bought the book. So about two weeks before my whiner post I was at Barnes and Noble. I'm walking through with Matt and the kids and BAM! This book literally falls at my feet. So obviously because I'm fantastic citizen, I go to pick it up and see the cover.


I'm pretty sure it sang to me. Not only is the cover the fucking hotness as far as looks (because I judge books by covers. Sue me.) but the title? Is my life. I obviously took a picture on my phone and sent it to a few people who all thought I was crazy. So I didn't buy it.

Fast forward to a week ago and while I'm moping around being all pissed off and wanting to spend money on shit I don't need, I thought of the book. So I drove 20 minutes to Barnes and Noble and bought the book. And a Member Rewards card thingie. Whatevers- the cashier was hot and I'm pretty sure I was hypnotized.

So I read this book in two nights flat and Sascha needs to be my marriage coach. The book is broken up into steps on how to get divorced. And it was funny because I related to every chapter.

STEP ONE: Jump from your horrible early-20s relationship right into a mid-20s relationship without learning or growing or pondering what you really want out of a mate — then marry that person. By your late 20s, you’ll realize you were merely over-correcting the first person’s flaws and that the one you married is just as wrong for you as the one you didn’t, but in very different ways.

Not only is this step relevant to just my marriage but it's basically describing all three relationships I've had. Another line in the book that struck a chord was "But although fading fervor is normal, there also has to be a little jealously, a little insecurity, and a little possessiveness." And I agree. Totally. I know really, Matt thinks he can't do any better than me, which may or may not be true, so he wouldn't leave. He'd rather settle and be unhappy forever. Now me on the other hand am the opposite. I may never get married again, but by fucking god I have to think it's possible for me to be in a relationship with someone and not dread coming home. I'm not a jealous person but back in the day- if Matt was eyeing up a chick I'd immediately compare myself. Now I'm secretly begging he'd just cheat so I'd have an excuse out and not look like an asshole. I try very hard to have a social life now because I realized that by not having one from age 19-27 I was killing myself. I missed EVERYTHING that 20 something assholes do. I'm not saying I want to be puking and on the verge of death in the bathroom of a seedy bar and wondering where my underwear went. I just would have liked the opportunity. But now when I go out- if Matt is every jealous I have no idea. I have no idea if he feels anything ever because I don't hear about it. I sometimes feel like I have a better emotional relationship with my gay cat than I do my husband.

In all there are 30 steps and each one is funnier and funnier, but more sad. But it's only sad if you are in say, a happy marriage. Or are a newlywed. But if you have hit the 5 year mark in your marriage and wake up 5 out of 7 days hoping that your spouse has moved their stuff out while you were sleeping and left an optional note- you might enjoy this book. If you plan events and kind of hope your spouse backs out so you can bring a kick ass friend and pretend to be hot and single, this book is for you. If you already have at least one marriage under the table by age 30 you will love this book. If you are a guy who never wants to get married you should read this book to know where and when you should start fucking up.

[Blog on Books · Rating 1 out of 5]

Something's fishy here. First off, the book itself. `How to Get Divorced by 30 began life as an article in the Los Angeles alternative paper, the L.A. Weekly. It has since been optioned by Universal Pictures to (possibly) become a feature film. Fair enough; the title alone is enough from which to build a fun, chick-flick/rom-com that could last a couple of weekends in the mall (assuming the studio covers their bet by putting actual comedy writers on the project who can exorcise this painfully drab story out of their script.) But the middle piece - the book itself - dreadful.

For some reason, Rothchild (and her publisher) thought her twenty-something life's story was interesting enough to foist 224 pages onto the general public during the fallow first quarter. It is not. (It appears that the movie option was already in place, as the book would clearly be a `pass' without it.) Her story, the story of a writer of limited accomplishment, moving to LA to `make it,' and turning a loser boyfriend into a loser husband is about as exciting as the `marriage' of the half-filled ketchup bottles Rothchild merges while waiting tables at the Palm. (A mundane procedure, she actually feels obligated to explain.)

After a handful of uninspired relationships lead her to Jeff, a curmudgeonly wannabe actor/bartender whose life seems to revolve around living in his La-Z-Boy recliner, playing video games and smoking pot all day, it is shocking that Rothchild both marries him and then is somehow surprised that the obviously ill-fated unison ends in divorce. (This, despite the fact that she has to buy her own engagement ring at the mall, is married by a guy who got his certificate off the internet and hopes Jeff wears his good jeans on their wedding day!) It would be hard to imagine a reader out there who shares her surprise as anyone with a pulse could see this coming from deep left-field.

This quick read, gallivants (one of her favorite words, she uses it more than once in the book) back and forth to work with the author, questions whether she should have ended up with a previous boyfriend or two instead, and generally covers the quotidian lifestyle of a young Valley couple whose greatest life-changing event is the day they get a flat-screen TV.

And let's not forget the part where after sixteen years, she decides to try cocaine again just to see if 'she is addicted.' WTF? The fact that this white-trash wedding story is completely banal is bad enough. The continuation of that thinking (that anyone would want to actually read about it) only serves to underscore the basic problem; that Ms. Rothchild lacks the maturity to realize she has nothing interesting to offer here.

The most curious part are the online reviews. While there are a number of negative ones, suspiciously most of the Amazon reviews are five-star and all posted the same week by people who have few, if any, other reviews posted and appear to live in cities the author formerly called home. (A common amateur sign of insider reviews.) Of course, they claim the book is hilarious, scintillating and well-written and many can't wait for her next volume (ahem...).

Unfortunately, with an Amazon sales ranking at nearly 400,000, this is more like landfill waiting to happen. Let's see if a movie ever gets made, and if so, who the real writers are. One word: Fail.

[Rachel Kramer Bussel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book after hearing Sascha Rothchild speak at the LA Times Festival of Book's Memoir: All The Single Ladies panel. She related the basic story of why she got married at 27 (the timetable that's in the book, and a sense of peer pressure). I read a lot of memoirs and what I liked about this is that, in keeping with the "how to" format, and Rothchild's storytelling sensibility, it is not dark, as a tale of a failed marriage, cocaine and parents who never said "I love you" (deliberately) could be. Instead, it's humorous without trying to be peppy, a point that works in Rothchild's favor. She doesn't gloss over the dark parts, but isn't morose about them. She jumps back and forth in time but it works because even when a chapter is short, it sticks to whatever rule she's sharing. Of course, looking back it's easy to see how when she and her fiance deliberately chose to flout convention and be devil-may-care with everything from "forever" to (something worse in my opinion) not ever mingling any of their possessions, she gives a sense of her mindset at the time. Even though we know that by the end Rothchild will be divorced, the tale along the way is a fun one.

This is a fast and, dare I say it, light, beach read. That's not to say you don't get a sense of loneliness at times (like when Rothchild decides to date a drug dealer in high school and seeks attention; her sense of herself within a twelve step program is very different from what you'll read in most any recovery memoir), but ultimately Rothchild is able to poke fun at, most of all, herself (secondmost: her stoner ex-husband). Even though I've never shared Rothchild's sense of having a timetable, I enjoyed her story, especially seeing how that traditionalism mingled with, say, wearing fangs or walking down the aisle to "Is She Going Out With Him?" This mix of fastidious to the point of OCD and desire to throw caution (in the case of a moving train) to the wind are what makes this a compelling read.

[Valerie R · Rating 2 out of 5]

What an airhead. I mean there's optimism, but it has to have a basis in some kind of reality.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really like this book. The author has a nice, relaxed, humorous writing style. Would recommend this book to any young person who's dating.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this because the author is a friend of a friend, but it was entertaining and I wanted to keep reading it!

[Felicity · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book on a four hour bus trip. It's that kind of book...good enough for a bus trip or an airport or a wet, rainy afternoon but hardly competition for your attention at any other time. That comment, however, is not to sell the book short. It's funny in a slapstick, all-too-obvious kind of way. How to get divorced by 30? Don't even think about why you're getting married...just marry the first half-human person that comes along because, well, you always assumed you would get married one day and your Dad promised you a down payment on your first condo when you did. That's probably what enabled Rothchild to overlook the fact that the guy she was marrying was also perpetually stoned (yes, I dated that guy in my twenties too...but I didn't marry him!) The only thing that isn't funny...the number of people who actually do get married for the kinds of reasons Rothchild did. And no, she didn't make any money on the condo. Because the down payment was a joint wedding gift to both of them, she actually lost out in the divorce (but he came out of it pretty good).

[Irene · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very funny. And she has a way of making funny a little sad too. Personally, I'm feeling a lot of what Rothchild wrote about (well, maybe except for the cocaine highs and lows). And she definitely has had more boyfriend breakups. But it's not the quantity of breakups that makes a woman more knowledgable in the game of love -- it's the weight of the love that's lost.

I wish they taught us about starter marriages in school. I might have gone into mine ahead of the game, knowing what I was getting myself into. Alas, the learning curve was brutal. But, now I know. So, thanks Sascha!

One may compare this type of book to maybe something Chelsea Handler would write. But I find Chelsea Handler totally unfunny and not a very good writer. Then again, Rothchild is writer who happens to find comedy in her writing, rather than being a mediocre comedian who wants to cash in and write mediocre books too. Wow...I'm really hating on Handler, aren't I. Oh well.

This is funny. Read.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this book in the give-away. I am torn between loving this book & being aggravated with myself for reading it. Mostly, because I had no desire to have a starter marriage or get divorced by the time I was 30. I’ve been married for 8 years (since I was 23). Part of me wants to say, “If that’s how you felt while dating him, why in the world did you marry him?” The other part of me understands that hindsight is 20/20, and she is writing this novel knowing what she knows now, looking back over their time together. Since I’ve never been in this situation, or any of the situations she mentions it’s harder for me to understand her thought processes.

Overall, a funny and interesting story of one woman’s starter marriage. While I enjoyed reading it; it isn’t something I am likely to re-read. I did appreciate the stories she shared and I was glad to see that in the end she learned important things about herself and what a marriage should be.

[justablondemoment · Rating 5 out of 5]

LMAO...I read this book in one sitting. Wonderful book. This is one of those books that you either will relate or won't and for me, I definitely related. It didn't feel like I was reading it felt like me, and the author, were sharing some drinks kicking back and sharing stories. What a gift to be able to write a story and the reader feels as if she is your only audience. WHOOT...way to go.

I only have one warning, and I do this whenever I read books that are at times explicit in either language or sexual content. It doesn't offend me but I know it does some, and I have to be careful of my younger daughters who like to raid my books sooo; I mark the ones I find that have such things. This is one of them. While it certainly is not overdone there are a few times it could be said not for the sensitive.

(Won through LibraryThing Early Review program)

[Lia Morris · Rating 3 out of 5]

The truthful confessions of a woman's failed marriage. She identifies a lot of mistakes that a lot of us often make when a relationship, sacrificing for our partners, placing expectations on others when they will never achieve what we wish them to achieve, etc. This book portrays a comical outlook of Sancha failed marriage life but also identifies the reason why our society is struggling with the increased divorce rate. The one chapter in which Sancha states all the different reasons why everyone was getting divorced around her provides to be portrayals of how a lot of couples today jump into marriage for the wrong reason. This book can be taken as a lesson learned from Sanchas own experience but is also a comical read for a light reading day.

[Kristin (Kritters Ramblings) · Rating 1 out of 5]

A snarky humored memoir that I just couldn't get into. I picked this up because I have read and loved memoirs that are filled of hard funny truths. This one - just didn't work for me.

I knew from the beginning that the man she married would not be there in the end. But from the beginning of the relationship, I saw the doomed ending - she should have never married him in the end. There were so many deal breakers that she just let go by, where I would have made an abrupt stop to the relationship. I can't get started about her family life, oh my goodness.

I have to be honest, I would only recommend this to those who have the heart to by pass her mishaps and rough humor to enjoy a true story.

[Allyson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was hoping this would be better than it was. It was an easy read and all. In a book like this it would be easy for the author to make her ex into the bad guy, but instead she did a good job of spreading the guilt around. Only she would know how honest she really was but it felt pretty honest to me, and I found the walk through her relationship analysis refreshing, morbidly entertaining, and even touching at times. I like my memoirs to be a little more of a literary and emotional experience and the writing here just didn't do it for me, so I read with mild interest where I would rather have been pulled into the experience, hence three stars rather than four.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I won this book, I was expecting something light, humorous and somewhat meaningless like the movie about losing a guy in 10 days. I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be a very candid, detailed, well thought out, easy-to-read story of a down to earth person. I found her life story (up to the age of 30) interesting and engaging even if she isn't a superhero or a celebrity. I probably would not have purchased this book new, but I'm glad I got a chance to read it because I did enjoy it.

[Fnkyfresh90210 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this book shortly after seeing Rothchild speak at the Miami Book Fair. She read the chapter "Buy New Fangs And Do Cocaine Every Sunday" while her parents were sitting in the audience, so naturally, I liked her right off the bat. And that’s kind of her sense of humor – super honest, a little wrong, and full of moxie. For a divorce-reflection memoir, it wasn’t overly self-centered, delusional, or “woe is me”-like, which was refreshing. It has a realistic, anti-Eat Pray Love kind of vibe, which I appreciated. A fun book written by someone who's naturally funny.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just based on the title of this book it's not a surprise that I picked it up out of so many on a table. Wouldn't you? After looking at the synopsis I knew it would be a story I would enjoy. The book is broken in to chapters that each describe one way the author, Sascha, headed to divorce before she was 30. I found the book entertaining. I didn't really relate to the author (our lives in our 20s were very different), but she tells her story with such honesty that by the end of the book you feel like you really know her. This is a fun and quick read.

[Melody · Rating 3 out of 5]

As another person who got divorced by 30, I was powerless when I saw this at the library. It was by turns funny and painful to read. Some of the territory Rothchild assays here was quite familiar to me. It's not an unusual story, I suppose, though the fact that she lived in LA and was seriously OCD and obsessed with her weight added a little bit of otherness to the story. I whooshed through it in an evening and enjoyed it for the most part.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a trashy novel, which was sort of what I was looking for after reading a lot of depressing and serious books lately. I hear there are talks of a movie which wouldn't surprise me given the material in the book. Alot of us can relate to this book and the main character - in other words, we all know people who are already divorced, whom when they were getting married we thought to ourselves "this might not be a good idea, but hey, who am I to judge?"

[Agnes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read some reviews and was expecting a bad written book. But instead I actually read a wonderful book filled with great memories and reminiscing of past boy friends (that was actually very entertaining). This book even brought my own thoughts back of horrible dates and boyfriends. I think the book was very well written, using just the right amount of descriptions. Sometimes a book like this can get too wordy but this was not the case. Really enjoyed it!

[Julia Drake]

This is a hilarious and poignant account of the trials and tribulations of a marriage that should never have been one in the first place. The author treads the emotional mine-scape of relationships, love, and love lost with courage, heart, and bare-bones humor. A great relationship do's and don't do's guide for anyone thinking of tying or untying the knot. Loved the book.

[Georgiann Hennelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rothchild has away with words , she ,s funny with out trying.She describes all the things she did wrong on her way to getting married. From having a time table to ignoring warning signs in the relationship to making the same mistakes repeatedly. She shows a lot of insight. As to why she made the decisions she did and why they where wrong.

[Lorin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rothchild describes all the things she did wrong on her way to getting married, from having an arbitrary timetable ("I want to get married when I'm 27) to ignoring warning signs in a relationship to making the same mistakes repeatedly. She shows a lot of insight (after the fact) regarding why she made the decisions she did and why they were the wrong decisions.

[Cara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this book up because I've lived a similar scenario and thought it would be funny, especially given the two quotes on the cover saying was so hilarious I'd fall out of my chair or whatever. However, by p. 75 it's only made me laugh maybe three times while mostly being really depressing. Back it goes.

[Vanessa Fox · Rating 2 out of 5]

I dunno. She made the same relationship mistakes we all make but then she was unhappy like we all are. And then the end. I wasn't looking for the endless emotional journey of eat, pray, love, but some reflection of some kind would have been interesting. Does she think she'll make better choices next time? Does she still believe in love?

Bah.

[Marjanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I appreciate that the author often blamed herself for some of the difficult experiences in her relationships. I often thought that she seemed a bit oblivious. Mostly I came away with 'how-not-to-parent-your-child' advice.