TLDR; “Cursed” features AMAZING disability representation that had me either bawling my eyes out or on the verge of crying for most of this book. However, although the disability rep was great, it was still a very much white, cis, straight, middle class centered narrative with limited and very poor nods to diversity. (Also beware of frequent casual use of ableist slurs related to mental illness) The book took a while to get into because the way Ricky was mistreated at the beginning of the book just made me too angry, but once that got better, “Cursed” ended up being a very wholesome, sweet, and cheesy (maybe even tad bit too much? LOL) read.
💖LIKES💖
💖Spot on, relatable representation. I spent most of the book with a huge lump in throat, constantly on the verge of tears (or actively crying). And a lot of those scenes weren’t particularly emotional either, I choked up a lot just because the representation was so casually realistic (and therefore somehow felt more raw).
Some specific disability topics represented:
💛Abandonment Trauma– “Cursed” brought up the reality of how easily able-bodied “friends” can abandon those who are newly disabled, and the shame and fear that comes with that abandonment. Because of those experiences, Ricky subconsciously learns that she has to do everything in her power to hide her disability from others while also being wary and detached from any potential friends, which both exhausts and isolates her.
💛Relating with Able-Bodied People– wanting people to care but also not wanting it to be a big deal; knowing your disability is a big part of you and feeling like you can’t fully express yourself with able-bodied people.*
”I guess it’s no big deal to them. It’s obviously not suddenly going to be a main topic of conversation, like it is with Oliver, Thank God. But at the same time, I feel a tinge of disappointment, like maybe I want them to care a little. But do I?” (p 141)
*There’s a deeper feeling to this passage that I can’t quite put into words properly…
💛Relating with Disabled People– never wanting to talk about disability.
”Really, I don’t want to talk to him later because all he’ll want to talk about is the stupid new medicine and how great everything is going to be soon… Sometimes I just want a break from talking about health stuff all the time.” (p 1743
Personally, I want more disabled friends who I can relate to and have solidarity with but I find that when I am in the presence of disabled people, I never want to talk about disability because it bums me out too much and often try to steer the conversation towards anything but.
💛Giving disabled folks (minors, especially) full autonomy over their body and medical choices.
“Cursed” makes sure to show both what a bad and good doctor looks like.
BAD– speaks only to a patients’ guardian and treats minors/disabled folks like they can’t talk or decide things for themselves, cares more about getting patients in and out of the office quickly than giving patients proper care
GOOD– talks directly to patients regardless of ability or age, prioritizes the preferences of a patient over that of a parent/caretaker, and thoroughly talks patients through medical choices they have and their concerns about them.
This is so important because for disabled folks, getting the right medical provider and medical care can sometimes mean the difference between life and death, or, at the very least, the difference between a miserable, hopeless existence and a thriving wellbeing & livelihood.
💛Coping mechanisms– when Ricky would start veering off into negative disability thoughts, she would imagine Oliver telling her to “stay in the present.”
I love this because
a.) They were mentioned both frequently and casually, showing that coping mechanisms can both be useful and easy.
b.) The fact that it was Oliver, a disabled friend, who introduced that coping strategy to her, instead of a medical professional– like yes to crip wisdom!!!
💛(Internalized) Desirability Politics
”The last student to speak is the guy on crutches. I’m sort of dying to hear him talk but I feel queasy too. What if people think that’s what I’ll end up looking like? What if that is what I end up looking like?… His voice sounds totally normal. I guess I was expecting some sort of speech impediment, like maybe he’d have a strange voice to match his broken body. Just thinking that makes me feel ashamed of myself.” (p 251)
Being newly disabled means you have a SHIT TON of internalized ableism to unlearn, because you’ve absorbed all the ableist messages of society your entire life up until that point. Part of that is clinging onto looking/seeming able-bodied for as long as you can, and not associating yourself with “actually” (i.e. visibly) disabled people. I appreciate that “Cursed” didn’t shy away from the fact that even disabled people can be ableist (ESPECIALLY disabled people because our disability prejudices can be intensified by our internalized ableism). It’s something that I don’t see mentioned a lot and is definitely something I’m personally trying to overcome as well.
Anyways, one bad thing about great representation is that it reminds me of how much disability support I’ve lacked (and continue to lack) throughout my life. Reading this I kept thinking, how different would my life have been if I had had (or have) the same support that Ricky gets in this book? Parents that actively seek healthcare for their children (instead of forbidding them from accessing it, in my case), able-bodied friends who participate in acts of solidarity for them, close disabled friends and easy access to a large disability community. So many disabled folks don’t have this kind of support, and it really, really sucks.
💖Realistically wholesome. As in, whatever sweet moments there were in the book were never used to disguise the harsh reality and general sucki-ness of being (newly) disabled (& also having newly divorced parents). “Cursed” emphasized that It’s possible to go through a crappy period of your life / deal with crappy things and still have small moments of happiness (and it truly is SO important for disabled folks to hold onto our joy and the love we have in our lives in such an inaccessible world).
🤷♀️NEUTRAL🤷♀️
🤷♀️Romance. There were hints of a love square (YUCK) but fortunately it was dealt with in a bearable way, without jealousy/competition/toxic masculinity/helpless heroine, etc etc. Other than that, I liked how naturally Ricky and Oliver’s relationship progressed, and how the book didn’t water down the tensions that arose between them.
🤷♀️Debut-novel-esque writing. There were some scenes/interactions that felt forced/unnatural/awkward but I want to cut this book some slack as it IS a debut novel and the writing never stopped me from completely bawling my eyes out throughout the book.
🤷♀️Cheesiness. Some scenes were so cheesy that it was almost cringey. But a.) I fucking love happy endings and b.) as with the writing, it still didn’t stop me from crying all my bodily fluids out.
⛈️DISLIKES⛈️
⛈️The ANGER
Starting this book was so difficult because the only emotion I felt for the first ~70 pages was just anger; like full on RAGE. The mistreatment Ricky suffered at the hands of her parents, medical professionals, classmates, and teachers… all of that got me in a really bad headspace. Also my need for revenge/vindication was at an all time high but those needs were never truly satisfied lol.
There were also personal feelings of anger and resentment that came up (re: the flipside of great representation). Reading scenes where Ricky gets mistreated (even ones where she gets treated well!) brought up moments in my life where people treated me just as badly/never treated me that well.
⛈️“Diversity” and lack of.
a.) The “oh-so-casual” mentions of diversity were so sad and clearly written by a white person who wanted those extra diversity brownie points without trying too hard.
Exhibit A: “At lunch I’d steal peeks at the Center City Barbies, who for the record, aren’t all white, blond and perfect. Actually they are a mix of sizes and races.” (p 12)
Exhibit B: [when introducing a new character] “She’s got beautiful light-brown skin, just like Julio’s.” (p 197) (lol this is the only way white people know how to describe POC smh)
b.)Although the disability rep was inarguably amazing, it was still a very white/cis/straight/middle class centered narrative.
⛈️Ableist slurs– in terms of mental illness (crazy, insane, etc) and their casual use in the story. Very disappointing for a disability focused story.