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Vampire Taxonomy: Identifying and Interacting with the Modern-Day Bloodsucker
Now that millions have read and seen Twilight , where do they turn for vampire advice? This wry, witty, fully illustrated, and bloody essential guide.
Vampires are all around-books, movies, TV, comics- infiltrating our culture like never before. But what happens if one should run into a real vamp on the street? Vampire Taxonomy is the best defense against a fatal encounter in the dark. For the reader's protection, Meredith Woerner reveals the truth
?Sunlight sensitivity -Do vamps venture out in the day or stick solely to the evening hours?
?Physiology -When ready to feed, do they change appearance or simply lure with the seductive flash of a fang?
?Dress -Are they decked out in leather with aspirations of becoming the first vampire rock stars or do they cling to Gothic robes and ruffled collars?
?Diet -Are they waging a never-ending struggle against the temptation of human blood or do they view the world as their personal blood buffet?
Vampires are all around-books, movies, TV, comics- infiltrating our culture like never before. But what happens if one should run into a real vamp on the street? Vampire Taxonomy is the best defense against a fatal encounter in the dark. For the reader's protection, Meredith Woerner reveals the truth
?Sunlight sensitivity -Do vamps venture out in the day or stick solely to the evening hours?
?Physiology -When ready to feed, do they change appearance or simply lure with the seductive flash of a fang?
?Dress -Are they decked out in leather with aspirations of becoming the first vampire rock stars or do they cling to Gothic robes and ruffled collars?
?Diet -Are they waging a never-ending struggle against the temptation of human blood or do they view the world as their personal blood buffet?
- GenresVampiresNonfictionHumor
208 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
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112 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
October 31, 2009
Precis: Vampire Taxonomy was written to give us a practical, useful guide to vampires. With all of the different bloodlines thanks to the different evolutions of different sires, it became necessary for someone to compile a comprehensive guide for those of us with heartbeats. Woerner has done just that. She presents us with physical identifiers, physical features, attire, habitat, unseen abilities, behavior, and what to do if approached for the different types of vampire: Romantic (think Edward, Stefan, Bill, Spike, or Angel); Villanous (think Count Orlock, Lothos, Dracula, Murlough, James, or Angelus); Tragic (think Laurent, Angel, Jasper, Mick St. John); Halfies (think Mina Roberts, Blade, Renesmee, Connor); Child (think Divia, The Annointed One, Charlotte, Darren Shan). She also addresses clan behavior, and how we can live safely in an undead world. Answers to questions like, "Can vampires fly?" and "Can a vampire cross a river?" are also answered and explained.
Verdict: I Heart It! This cheeky guide is meant to be funny. Woerner doesn't think that all of your neighbors are vamps and doesn't try to make you paranoid. It's just not that type of book. I found it to be a very interesting read, and laughed several times. This book would make a great gift to any lover of vampire fiction. It even has a section on the Great Sparkle Debate. I loved the illustrations and really enjoyed the book. Just think, you could be at a party and be debating the vampires (which I totally have done before) and you could quash your fellow debater with one whip of this book. Imagine yourself saying, "But I have the authoritative text on vampire identification." Yeah, maybe you wouldn't be that nerdy (oh but I totally would be), but still... it'd be fun. Get this one, it's great to have around! More at http://bit.ly/1lLWo0
Verdict: I Heart It! This cheeky guide is meant to be funny. Woerner doesn't think that all of your neighbors are vamps and doesn't try to make you paranoid. It's just not that type of book. I found it to be a very interesting read, and laughed several times. This book would make a great gift to any lover of vampire fiction. It even has a section on the Great Sparkle Debate. I loved the illustrations and really enjoyed the book. Just think, you could be at a party and be debating the vampires (which I totally have done before) and you could quash your fellow debater with one whip of this book. Imagine yourself saying, "But I have the authoritative text on vampire identification." Yeah, maybe you wouldn't be that nerdy (oh but I totally would be), but still... it'd be fun. Get this one, it's great to have around! More at http://bit.ly/1lLWo0
June 30, 2019
Interessanter Ratgeber zum Zusammenleben mit diesen netten Mitgeschöpfen. Ich bin jetzt gerüstet.
January 4, 2021
Good read, wish it was longer and more detailed.
November 24, 2014
What made this book stand out for me against all the other vampire guides out there was the fact that Meredith Woerner is a Lost Boys fan. Hello! When her publicist sent me Meredith's author blurb I pretty much went, "send me nao." Must read. I was hesitant, however, because of the mention of Twilight on the back of the book. But lo, how happy I would become as I actually cracked the book to read.
First and foremost, what I especially liked was how all the different vampire movies and books were classified as different vampires. It didn't lump everything into one fang and give you general guidelines on what to do with them. Not only are there the Romantic, Villainous and Tragic vampires (all three present in nearly every vampire story) but there are different species and various types of evolution as well. Like you have the bat-like vampires of The Lost Boys and then you have those ugly pseudo-Alien things from Blade II. Actually, those more closely look like Predator. But you know what I'm talking about, right? Anyway, Woerner is thinking like how I've thought for over a decade, in varying species, not just one set of vampires, and I love that. They all exist simultaneously and, like humans, they adapt to their various lifestyles. Great minds think alike and all of that.
Love number two, while Woerner was attempting to be impartial on the glittering aspect of certain vampires, I think (through my rather clouded eyes) that its fairly obvious that she's not keen to what she calls "The Sparkle Factor" -
As of late, there has been great debate surrounding the sunlight factor and its effect on the epidermis of a vampire: yes, we're speaking of the "real vampires don't sparkle" controversy surrounding the Twilight series.
So, do some vampires sparkle in the sun? Because most pop culture myths have some basis in historical fact, it's a possibility. But in the end it's difficult to say. There are no ancient myths of glittering vampires, although we do know that some species of vamps can freely stroll about in the daytime. The stance on sparkle is going to have to remain in the air until more than one pop culture outlet can agree that vampires have mutated, evolved, or always retained the glimmering ability.
AKA, only the Twitards actually believe that vampires sparkle (interpretation mine). Don't get me wrong. Woerner is a total vampire professional. There is no sparkle bashing of any kind in this book. In fact Twilight is cited numerous times and the Cullens (and Volturi and those nomadic vampires) do make appearances throughout the book for not only their appearance but for their demeanor. So please don't think this book is a knock on Twilight. Not at all. But I do think that the book does consider the "vampires" of Twilight kind of like the vegetarians that only eat fish. Not quite there.
Probably some of my favorite parts of the book (really, they're all my favorites) were the "Known Specimens" at the end of each chapter where it plugs true form pop culture references into the explanations that were given in that chapter. For example, the "Villainous Vampires" chapter breaks these evil doers down into varying degrees of villainy -
Big Bad (known from BtVS the TV show and which describes those vamps that want pretty much the total destruction of the human race) which has examples like Lothos (BtVS the movie), Max (The Lost Boys), Jon Valek (John Carpenter's Vampires) and Murlough (Cirque du Freak).
Anger-Issues Immortals are the trigger happy vampires that'll drink your blood from your cracked open skull in the middle of Times Square. They include Severen (Near Dark), David (The Lost Boys), James (Twilight) and Deacon Frost (Blade).
Beautiful But Deadly which is pretty self explanatory and those include Santiago (IWTV), Countess (Once Bitten), Diamondback (Near Dark) and Miriam Blaylock (The Hunger).
Perfectly Terrible Gentlemen include the likes of Bela Lugosi's Count Dracula and then there are the All-Around Undead Jerks wherein Amilyn from the BtVS the movie falls in.
Absolutely awesome, I say. Woerner cites heavily from the likes of The Lost Boys, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (moreso the TV series and the comic), Near Dark and older films like Carmilla and Nosferatu and it's a must for any vampire fan. It's perfect for that new-found vampire lover that may be looking to broaden their horizons on the fang front or the seasoned nocturnal nommer that'll squee with glee at all the old school love in this book. Really a great read, very funny, very snarky and damn, does Woener know her stuff. Not only does she cite pop culture at the drop of a hat but she knows her mythology as well. Wicked.
So if you're looking for some intelligent yet satirical vampire education, be sure to pick up this book. It may just save your life.
First and foremost, what I especially liked was how all the different vampire movies and books were classified as different vampires. It didn't lump everything into one fang and give you general guidelines on what to do with them. Not only are there the Romantic, Villainous and Tragic vampires (all three present in nearly every vampire story) but there are different species and various types of evolution as well. Like you have the bat-like vampires of The Lost Boys and then you have those ugly pseudo-Alien things from Blade II. Actually, those more closely look like Predator. But you know what I'm talking about, right? Anyway, Woerner is thinking like how I've thought for over a decade, in varying species, not just one set of vampires, and I love that. They all exist simultaneously and, like humans, they adapt to their various lifestyles. Great minds think alike and all of that.
Love number two, while Woerner was attempting to be impartial on the glittering aspect of certain vampires, I think (through my rather clouded eyes) that its fairly obvious that she's not keen to what she calls "The Sparkle Factor" -
As of late, there has been great debate surrounding the sunlight factor and its effect on the epidermis of a vampire: yes, we're speaking of the "real vampires don't sparkle" controversy surrounding the Twilight series.
So, do some vampires sparkle in the sun? Because most pop culture myths have some basis in historical fact, it's a possibility. But in the end it's difficult to say. There are no ancient myths of glittering vampires, although we do know that some species of vamps can freely stroll about in the daytime. The stance on sparkle is going to have to remain in the air until more than one pop culture outlet can agree that vampires have mutated, evolved, or always retained the glimmering ability.
AKA, only the Twitards actually believe that vampires sparkle (interpretation mine). Don't get me wrong. Woerner is a total vampire professional. There is no sparkle bashing of any kind in this book. In fact Twilight is cited numerous times and the Cullens (and Volturi and those nomadic vampires) do make appearances throughout the book for not only their appearance but for their demeanor. So please don't think this book is a knock on Twilight. Not at all. But I do think that the book does consider the "vampires" of Twilight kind of like the vegetarians that only eat fish. Not quite there.
Probably some of my favorite parts of the book (really, they're all my favorites) were the "Known Specimens" at the end of each chapter where it plugs true form pop culture references into the explanations that were given in that chapter. For example, the "Villainous Vampires" chapter breaks these evil doers down into varying degrees of villainy -
Big Bad (known from BtVS the TV show and which describes those vamps that want pretty much the total destruction of the human race) which has examples like Lothos (BtVS the movie), Max (The Lost Boys), Jon Valek (John Carpenter's Vampires) and Murlough (Cirque du Freak).
Anger-Issues Immortals are the trigger happy vampires that'll drink your blood from your cracked open skull in the middle of Times Square. They include Severen (Near Dark), David (The Lost Boys), James (Twilight) and Deacon Frost (Blade).
Beautiful But Deadly which is pretty self explanatory and those include Santiago (IWTV), Countess (Once Bitten), Diamondback (Near Dark) and Miriam Blaylock (The Hunger).
Perfectly Terrible Gentlemen include the likes of Bela Lugosi's Count Dracula and then there are the All-Around Undead Jerks wherein Amilyn from the BtVS the movie falls in.
Absolutely awesome, I say. Woerner cites heavily from the likes of The Lost Boys, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (moreso the TV series and the comic), Near Dark and older films like Carmilla and Nosferatu and it's a must for any vampire fan. It's perfect for that new-found vampire lover that may be looking to broaden their horizons on the fang front or the seasoned nocturnal nommer that'll squee with glee at all the old school love in this book. Really a great read, very funny, very snarky and damn, does Woener know her stuff. Not only does she cite pop culture at the drop of a hat but she knows her mythology as well. Wicked.
So if you're looking for some intelligent yet satirical vampire education, be sure to pick up this book. It may just save your life.
February 19, 2016
I started this book hoping it would be the vampire equivalent of Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide, which I suppose is what it was trying to be. Vampire Taxonomy, like Brooks' Guide, assumes that its subjects are truly real. However, it reads like a fast, poorly written overview of fictional vampires, presented almost as though their respective books, movies, and tv shows were a type of documentary instead of works of fiction. When confronted by the differences in vampire myths across these works, the author shrugs off any discrepancies by saying that vampires have evolved over the centuries. VT flip-flops between describing vampires as being real and talking about vampires in fiction so often and so badly that it reads like the author had two clear ideas of what her book could be and couldn't decide which route to take.
June 14, 2012
Written like a science book, Vampire Taxonomy defines the various vampires from pop culture. Meredith Woerner takes examples from the more popular vampire stories/movies and some lesser known to create a how-to sort of book.
She breaks down the vampires into five categories – Romantic Vampire, Villainous Vampire, Tragic Vampire, Halfsies, and Child Vampire. Each category offers information on how the vampire looks, their preferred habitat and a variety of other factors.
Written tongue in cheek, this book is just fun. It really gets one thinking about the differences and similarities of vampires in pop culture and in history. This may not get a scientific award but Meredith did her research.
She breaks down the vampires into five categories – Romantic Vampire, Villainous Vampire, Tragic Vampire, Halfsies, and Child Vampire. Each category offers information on how the vampire looks, their preferred habitat and a variety of other factors.
Written tongue in cheek, this book is just fun. It really gets one thinking about the differences and similarities of vampires in pop culture and in history. This may not get a scientific award but Meredith did her research.
June 12, 2010
A tongue-and-cheek analysis and categorization of the different vampires depicted in literature and film. I'm actually not terribly interested in vampires, and I have vowed to never, never, never read any of the Twilight books or watch any of the movies, but I found this book to be quite informative and amusing. People who liked The Zombie Survival Guide will like this.
May 27, 2010
I was really excited when I picked up this book. Flipping through the pages, it looked like it was going to be the vampire parallel to the Zombie Survival Guide. Sadly, it was not. Unlike Zombie Survival Guide, this book gave credence to the movie/ book pop culture about vampires so it was more a regurgitation of the information found in many movies, TV shows and books. For shame! I was disappointed. I really was.
July 19, 2010
Pretty trivial but pretty fun at the same time. A small tome about pop culture vampires (actually introduced me to Del Toro's recent Strain series)and the categories each falls into. Humor mixed with legend - a cute read.
April 23, 2010
Cute. Fun. Gave me a bunch of vampire books and movies to check out.
January 10, 2011
You can see a fuller review on Amazon.com but in general I felt this book was attempting to do too many things in the number of pages she had.
June 12, 2011
Loads of fun :) I even pegged people I know into vampire categories.
August 6, 2013
This is book is very funny. It is worth the price to know how to handle yourself around the undead.
did-not-finish
July 20, 2018Just wasn't holding my attention. 36 pages and called it quits.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews