The Hating Book: A Picture Book About Friendship, Conflict, and Asking Why for Kids

by Charlotte Zolotow, Ben Shecter (Illustrator)

A little girl knew her friend hated her, but she didn't know why until she finally got up courage to ask why they were being so rotten to each other.

I hate hate hated my friend.
When I moved over in the school bus,
she sat somewhere else.
When her point broke in arithmetic
and I passed her my pencil,
she took Peter's instead.
"Ask her," my mother said.
"Ask your friend why."

 

Genres: Picture Books, Friendship, Childrens, Emotion, Fiction

32 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1969

About the author

Charlotte Zolotow was a distinguished American writer, editor, and publisher who made a lasting mark on children's literature. Over her career, she authored around 70 picture book texts and edited works by prominent writers including Paul Zindel, Robert Lipsyte, and Francesca Lia Block. Born in Norfolk, Virginia, she studied writing at the University of Wisconsin Madison and later joined Harper & Bros in New York, where she worked her way up from secretary to publisher. Her own books were published by over 20 houses, and she became known for her poetic and emotionally insightful texts. Zolotow’s most celebrated works include When the Wind Stops, William’s Doll, and River Winding. Her story "Enemies" was featured in The Big Book for Peace alongside other notable authors. She lived for many years in Hastings-on-Hudson, New York. Her legacy endures not only through her own writing but also through the Charlotte Zolotow Award, established in 1998 to honor outstanding picture book texts. Her contributions helped shape modern children's literature with sensitivity, elegance, and enduring relevance.

Reviews

[Hilary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Two girls who used to be best friends aren't on speaking terms. One is ignoring the other an she doesn't know why. Mum suggests asking the friend what's wrong. After they have both felt unhappy for a while, one girl goes to the other girls house and asks what's wrong. It turns out another girl repeated a nice comment but either changed or misheard it, when the girl said her friend looked neat in her new dress it was reported she said her friend looked a freak in her new dress. The girls make up and the story gives you the message that it's best not to listen to gossip, get the facts straight from the person involved and to ask what's wrong.

The story does repeat the words 'I hate my friend' a lot so personally I wouldn't want to read that to a very young child, fed up with my friend would describe this feeling adequately I think. Ben Shecter's illustrations are wonderful.

[Melki · Rating 3 out of 5]

A misunderstanding leads to bad behavior between friends. It's a good lesson in communication, but otherwise not much of a story.

[Natalie Quinn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Simple story, but gets the message across. And coming from somebody who was sent out of class almost everyday with her friends for fighting, I believe this book would have been beneficial for us to read! Kids fight, even with their friends, but if they learn to talk it out and try to understand the other side, they learn a valuable lesson. Think this would be a great little story to have in grades 3 and up, even though it is really easy to read and was probably meant for younger students. However, I think that because it is so simple and straight forward, an older student will get the message that much quicker. Overall, I liked the story for what it was worth.

[Quanita · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Hating Book by Charlotte Zolotow is in the genre of realistic fiction and recommended for kids aged 4-8 years old. This book is a typical story about a how conflict arises between two little girls in elementary school. One girl thinks her friend won't talk to her because of her looks, she thinks the girl despises her. The mom wants her to just ask why she won't talk to her, but that is a terrifying thing to do. The two girls work out their differences and are close again. What I liked about the book is how it can be used to encourage kids to express themselves and to realize that things are not always as bad as they seem!

[Callie]

Grade/interest level: Primary (K-2)
Reading level: Fountas-Pinnell H/Lexile 520L
Genre: Realistic Fiction/Picture

Main Characters: The little girl and her friend
Setting: Various (School, outside)
POV: First person

Summary:
This is a short story about a little girl who says she hates her friend because she thinks her friend hates her. She doesn’t understand why she won’t sit next to her on the school bus or use the pencils that she offers to share with her. But no matter what she does, she refuses to ask her friend “Why”. It takes the little girl a long time to work up the courage to ask her friend why she hates her.

Classroom use/theme:
The main themes in this book are friendship and communication. I would use it as a read aloud to help students begin a class discussion that will help them better understand the importance of communication (specifically regarding friendships). This book can really help students understand that problems can often be overcome if they can talk about them with the people involved.

[Ricardo Contreras · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Hating Book is a book about two girls who are not on speaking terms. The main character is a girl and her friend who will not talk to her. The girl questions whether its that shes ugly, but she'd rather die before asking her Why? eventually after being convinced by her mother she asked her friend why shes been so rotten, only to find out a rumor that was mistranslated is what made her mad. Both girls Put their differences aside and become friends again.
Overall, it was a good book. I do believe the illustrations were good for that time, but the message is clear. I believe the targetted age group is from a preschooler to an eight year old child.

[Gustavo Garcia II · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book would be a great book for all children to read at so point in their early education. All children experience a situation where they greatly dislike or even hate someone. Most often however, there is no logical reason why some children hate each other. They just do for reasons that make sense only to them. This book does a good job of exposing that problem, can give children an opportunity to think about why they might "hate" someone else and may encourage students to break those feelings of hate by replacing those bod feelings with a new friendship.

[Kathryn Eder · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very cute little book about being friends and how it can be a struggle to keep that friendship. One little girl thought that her friend called her a freak because someone told her that was what she heard from someone else. Through out the book the other little girl said she hated her friend but didn't bother to ask her why. Great book for children to read to get them to understand that sometimes friends get mad at each other.

[jacky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd seen this book around, but hadn't yet picked it up. It was read at preschooler story time, and the librarian changed the name to the "mad" or "angry" book. I liked the story. It was about two friends in a fight, and we eventually learn all their mean behavior was over a misunderstanding. Great modeling for how to deal with fights with friends.

[Tasasha Battle]

Two girls are best friends but lately they are not talking to each other. They both thought that each other said something mean to them. There is no communication until one girl finally confronts her best friend to find that it was just a miscommunication. This book can be used to show students how repetition can create a pattern in their writings to help prove a point.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have the 1969 edition. This is a great book that teaches talking to a friend when there is a problem is 100 times better than assuming you know what they think! Great vintage book with wonderful illustrations!

[Amy Adams · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up because of its title. I love the story. It's short but packed with an important lesson. I also love that the whole thing is all because of a misunderstanding! It's a great way to teach kids that they need to think about situations from more than one point of view.

[Bookjeannnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful book from 1969 about friendship that I will be reading to my students. This is the kind of book that is the perfect self help book WITHOUT being an actual nf self help book. I so prefer reading this.

[Brienz]

" . . . master of the genre" of bibliotherapy for kids, according to Leonard S. Marcus in the 7/13/14 NYTimes.

[KA · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great little book on the importance of communication when dealing with conflict. Using it for children's time this Sunday.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good book for addressing the emotion of hating a friend and being mad at them. It's a nice story.

[Jc · Rating 3 out of 5]

Misunderstanding come in all forms and hit all ages.

[Roger · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good lesson about friendship and misunderstandings.

[Carly · Rating 4 out of 5]

misunderstandings happen

[Maureen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful!

The only way to resolve a conflict, especially when no one is talking to each other, is through communication. We need to be brave enough to ask questions. Misunderstandings sometimes happen.

This reminds me of two kindergarteners. During snack, one child on one side of the room made a face. A child on the other side of the room thought the first child was looking at her. She became very upset. I asked her what was wrong. She told me. I went to the first child to ask her why she made a face. That child told me that she made a face because the snack that she had put into her mouth tasted terrible. I told the second child. All was well.

[Matthew · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh, how we can misinterpret things to the point that they cause hate within ourselves, when all we need to do is have open and healthy conversations. It's the stories and lies we tell ourselves that really create the most issues. They're good for writing conflicts in stories, but not always best in our everyday lives. My rating - 3/5

[Audrey Widjaja · Rating 5 out of 5]

don't just hate, try to communicate it....good book.

[Madame Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Two young friends have a rift and let it go further on without asking why. A nice morale to this book.

[Villain E · Rating 3 out of 5]

Two girls have a "I'm not talking to you" fight, which gets resolved once they talk. A bit dated. That cover is ridiculous.

[Eilema · Rating 3 out of 5]

omg she's so me!!! (i would rather die indeed)

[Brianna Preston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Charlotte Zolotow reminds us in this little book that no friendship is free from misunderstanding and irritation. Little people as well as big people need to know that sometimes we just need to ask "Why?"

[Cana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mommy says: I love Zolotow's books and this is no exception.

[Briana · Rating 2 out of 5]

While representative of girl conflicts, this small book didn't do much for me in the idea of complexity.