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Bleib ich oder geh ich jetzt?: Entscheidungshilfen für oder gegen eine Trennung
Unusual book
Perfect Paperback
Published September 30, 2019
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495 people want to read
About the author
Ruth Westheimer
68 books140 followersKarola Ruth Westheimer, better known as Dr. Ruth, was a German-American sex therapist, talk show host, author, professor, and Holocaust survivor.
Westheimer was born in Germany to a Jewish family. As the Nazis came to power, her parents sent the ten-year-old girl to a school in Switzerland for safety, remaining behind themselves because of her elderly grandmother. They were both subsequently sent to concentration camps by the Gestapo, where they were killed. After World War II ended, she immigrated to British-controlled Mandatory Palestine. Despite being only 4 feet 7 inches (1.39 m) tall and 17 years of age, she joined the Haganah, and was trained as a sniper, but never saw combat. On her 20th birthday, Westheimer was seriously wounded in action by an exploding shell during a mortar fire attack on Jerusalem during the 1947–1949 Palestine war, and almost lost both of her feet. Moving to Paris, France two years later, she studied psychology at the Sorbonne. Immigrating to the United States in 1956, she worked as a maid to put herself through graduate school, earned an M.A. degree in sociology from The New School in 1959, and earned a doctorate at 42 years of age from Teachers College, Columbia University, in 1970. Over the next decade, she taught at a number of universities, and had a private sex therapy practice.
Westheimer's media career began in 1980 with the radio call-in show Sexually Speaking, which continued until 1990. In 1983 it was the top-rated radio show in the area, in the country's largest radio market. She then launched a television show, The Dr. Ruth Show, which by 1985 attracted 2 million viewers a week. She became known for giving serious advice while being candid, but also warm, cheerful, funny, and respectful, and for her tag phrase: "Get some". In 1984 The New York Times noted that she had risen "from obscurity to almost instant stardom." She hosted several series on the Lifetime Channel and other cable television networks from 1984 to 1993. She became a household name and major cultural figure, appeared on several network TV shows, co-starred in a movie with Gérard Depardieu, appeared on the cover of People, sang on a Tom Chapin album, appeared in several commercials, and hosted Playboy videos. She is the author of 45 books on sex and sexuality.
The one-woman 2013 play Becoming Dr. Ruth, written by Mark St. Germain, is about her life, as is the 2019 documentary, Ask Dr. Ruth, directed by Ryan White. Westheimer had been inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame, and awarded the Magnus Hirschfeld Medal, the Ellis Island Medal of Honor, the Leo Baeck Medal, the Planned Parenthood Margaret Sanger Award, and the Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany.
Westheimer was born in Germany to a Jewish family. As the Nazis came to power, her parents sent the ten-year-old girl to a school in Switzerland for safety, remaining behind themselves because of her elderly grandmother. They were both subsequently sent to concentration camps by the Gestapo, where they were killed. After World War II ended, she immigrated to British-controlled Mandatory Palestine. Despite being only 4 feet 7 inches (1.39 m) tall and 17 years of age, she joined the Haganah, and was trained as a sniper, but never saw combat. On her 20th birthday, Westheimer was seriously wounded in action by an exploding shell during a mortar fire attack on Jerusalem during the 1947–1949 Palestine war, and almost lost both of her feet. Moving to Paris, France two years later, she studied psychology at the Sorbonne. Immigrating to the United States in 1956, she worked as a maid to put herself through graduate school, earned an M.A. degree in sociology from The New School in 1959, and earned a doctorate at 42 years of age from Teachers College, Columbia University, in 1970. Over the next decade, she taught at a number of universities, and had a private sex therapy practice.
Westheimer's media career began in 1980 with the radio call-in show Sexually Speaking, which continued until 1990. In 1983 it was the top-rated radio show in the area, in the country's largest radio market. She then launched a television show, The Dr. Ruth Show, which by 1985 attracted 2 million viewers a week. She became known for giving serious advice while being candid, but also warm, cheerful, funny, and respectful, and for her tag phrase: "Get some". In 1984 The New York Times noted that she had risen "from obscurity to almost instant stardom." She hosted several series on the Lifetime Channel and other cable television networks from 1984 to 1993. She became a household name and major cultural figure, appeared on several network TV shows, co-starred in a movie with Gérard Depardieu, appeared on the cover of People, sang on a Tom Chapin album, appeared in several commercials, and hosted Playboy videos. She is the author of 45 books on sex and sexuality.
The one-woman 2013 play Becoming Dr. Ruth, written by Mark St. Germain, is about her life, as is the 2019 documentary, Ask Dr. Ruth, directed by Ryan White. Westheimer had been inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame, and awarded the Magnus Hirschfeld Medal, the Ellis Island Medal of Honor, the Leo Baeck Medal, the Planned Parenthood Margaret Sanger Award, and the Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany.
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 25 reviews
February 14, 2018
Please note that I received this book from Thomas Allen & Son in exchange for an honest review.
I first heard about Dr. Ruth K. Wertheimer (or "Dr. Ruth") when she was a guest speaker in my first year at university. There are not many 80-year-old women who could hold an audience of teenagers captive, but Dr. Ruth is no ordinary woman! It's not often you hear someone your grandparents' age talking about sex and I'm sure she made an impression on everyone there! I actually ended up majoring in psychology at university and my favourite class was a fourth year seminar called "Intimate Relationships." So, I'm sure you can imagine that when I heard Dr. Ruth had a new book coming out, I was super excited to read it.
Stay or Go is dedicated to “all those who are sitting on a fence,” and is designed to help people decide whether their relationship is worth salvaging. Being a sex therapist, Dr. Ruth doesn't actually touch on sex much in the book. Instead, she divides the book into 12 chapters and focuses on different issues that might affect a relationship, like communication, expectations, finances, distances, etc. Each time she comes to a new point, she gives the reader the chance to pause and reflect, prompted by a question. For example:
“Are you blocking all of your emotions because you’re trying to protect yourself from one of them?”
“Have you and your partner discussed what behaviour is appropriate when you fight?”
“Is control in your relationship shared, or does one of you hold the reins?”
I loved these opportunities to reflect as they forced me to consider what I had just read and ask myself how it was relevant to my own experience in relationships. Without being prompted, I might have continued reading without letting anything truly sink in.
The book is geared toward people with doubts about their current relationship, but I think just about anyone could benefit from reading it. No relationship is perfect and all couples go through rough patches. And it can't hurt for single people to have some tools in their back pocket for the future. If you've recently gone through a break up, the book might help you recognize patterns of behaviour that led to the relationship's end. Of course, self-help books and introspection are not for everyone, and you have to be in the right mindset to get anything positive out of it.
While Dr. Ruth never comes right out and tells you whether to stay or leave your relationship, she gives you the tools to make that important decision yourself. I didn't always agree with her methods or advice, but she is very clear that her opinion is just that - an opinion - and without all the intimate details, she can't give you a yes or no answer. In my opinion,Stay or Go is an excellent relationship tool and I'll be keeping it on my shelf in case I ever need to dip into it for some straight talk or advice. A solid 4/5 stars!
I first heard about Dr. Ruth K. Wertheimer (or "Dr. Ruth") when she was a guest speaker in my first year at university. There are not many 80-year-old women who could hold an audience of teenagers captive, but Dr. Ruth is no ordinary woman! It's not often you hear someone your grandparents' age talking about sex and I'm sure she made an impression on everyone there! I actually ended up majoring in psychology at university and my favourite class was a fourth year seminar called "Intimate Relationships." So, I'm sure you can imagine that when I heard Dr. Ruth had a new book coming out, I was super excited to read it.
Stay or Go is dedicated to “all those who are sitting on a fence,” and is designed to help people decide whether their relationship is worth salvaging. Being a sex therapist, Dr. Ruth doesn't actually touch on sex much in the book. Instead, she divides the book into 12 chapters and focuses on different issues that might affect a relationship, like communication, expectations, finances, distances, etc. Each time she comes to a new point, she gives the reader the chance to pause and reflect, prompted by a question. For example:
“Are you blocking all of your emotions because you’re trying to protect yourself from one of them?”
“Have you and your partner discussed what behaviour is appropriate when you fight?”
“Is control in your relationship shared, or does one of you hold the reins?”
I loved these opportunities to reflect as they forced me to consider what I had just read and ask myself how it was relevant to my own experience in relationships. Without being prompted, I might have continued reading without letting anything truly sink in.
The book is geared toward people with doubts about their current relationship, but I think just about anyone could benefit from reading it. No relationship is perfect and all couples go through rough patches. And it can't hurt for single people to have some tools in their back pocket for the future. If you've recently gone through a break up, the book might help you recognize patterns of behaviour that led to the relationship's end. Of course, self-help books and introspection are not for everyone, and you have to be in the right mindset to get anything positive out of it.
While Dr. Ruth never comes right out and tells you whether to stay or leave your relationship, she gives you the tools to make that important decision yourself. I didn't always agree with her methods or advice, but she is very clear that her opinion is just that - an opinion - and without all the intimate details, she can't give you a yes or no answer. In my opinion,Stay or Go is an excellent relationship tool and I'll be keeping it on my shelf in case I ever need to dip into it for some straight talk or advice. A solid 4/5 stars!
August 15, 2021
Definately brings clarity
I did have some doubts to stay or go and this book claerly says them out loud and makes you stop and think about them. Makes the decision making process so much more consteuctive and easier. A good book if you are in doubt.
I did have some doubts to stay or go and this book claerly says them out loud and makes you stop and think about them. Makes the decision making process so much more consteuctive and easier. A good book if you are in doubt.
February 17, 2018
I won this book from a Goodreads Giveaway, thank you. I have been married for over 25 years, but it has not been smooth sailing the whole time. However, I am becoming that older relative/mentor that Dr. Ruth advises could be a person to talk to about relationships. This book is a tremendous help in framing for people how to think about the commitment and work needed to make a relationship work. I love the practical questions. It helped me thinking about some of the reasons why I stayed in my marriage. In addition, it will help me guide others in this important decision. Thank you - Dr. Ruth!
February 13, 2018
I actually did everything dr.Ruth suggested at the real time while reading this book (3 weeks). And before the last chapter the decision was made with no big fear. First time in my life I managed to complete an honourable and even friendly break-up. Thanks.
August 19, 2021
Committing to a long-term relationship is a big deal specifically if you have doubts. Dr. Ruth Westheimer offers straight forward advice on whether you should stick it out or cut your losses and move on.
Dr. Ruth divides troubled pairings into three categories: Dark Toxic, Rocky Road, and Merely Troubled. Relationships are rarely black and white, here she helps determine where the scales in your relationship are tipping.
Delving into issues such as communicating, financial stresses, parenting pressures, and long-distance relationships, she helps you to understand your specific romantic expectations reasonable or otherwise and what you can do to save a relationship, and how and when you should say adieu.
Dr. Ruth divides troubled pairings into three categories: Dark Toxic, Rocky Road, and Merely Troubled. Relationships are rarely black and white, here she helps determine where the scales in your relationship are tipping.
Delving into issues such as communicating, financial stresses, parenting pressures, and long-distance relationships, she helps you to understand your specific romantic expectations reasonable or otherwise and what you can do to save a relationship, and how and when you should say adieu.
March 22, 2018
I really like this book. It is an easy-to-follow step-by-step guide for anyone in a relationship that needs a bit of help or unpacking. There are a number of exercises to try, and Dr. Ruth isn't afraid to explain that not all relationships can be saved. I have always been a fan of Dr. Ruth, which is why I entered the giveaway for this book. I cannot think of a better way to explore a relationship than how she laid it out in this book. I myself an in a romantic relationship, and although we do not have any major problems, it was still interesting to follow along in the book and reflect on my relationship and how we interact with each other.
December 11, 2021
I love Dr. Ruth, her story, her way of looking at things, her analogies, and her voice. Bear in mind I read (listened) this not at a time when I was actually in relationship where I was asking this question.
I’m glad I read it, however, the 2 star comes from not being on the same page with some of Dr. Ruth’s approach— sometimes she has suggestions that are passive aggressive instead of advising more direct communication, and sometimes the tactics and white lies she recommended felt rather immature to me.
I’m glad I read it, however, the 2 star comes from not being on the same page with some of Dr. Ruth’s approach— sometimes she has suggestions that are passive aggressive instead of advising more direct communication, and sometimes the tactics and white lies she recommended felt rather immature to me.
January 18, 2023
“You can’t just sit and watch the minutes, hours, days, or years tick by.”
A lot of good thoughts. A lot of good ideas on how to determine whether to stay or go in a relationship. Most of this book doesn’t apply to me directly, which is more my fault than the author’s, but it made the read harder. Having that said, this author takes some interesting stands with relationships. It was very different than I was thinking and what I have read in other similarly themed texts. Give it a go. Or not. Shrug.
A lot of good thoughts. A lot of good ideas on how to determine whether to stay or go in a relationship. Most of this book doesn’t apply to me directly, which is more my fault than the author’s, but it made the read harder. Having that said, this author takes some interesting stands with relationships. It was very different than I was thinking and what I have read in other similarly themed texts. Give it a go. Or not. Shrug.
January 15, 2018
Dr. Ruth has not lost it!!! This book is awesome.So much good advise regarding relationships. And yes, she gives her opinons but it is up to the individual to decide to stay or go. I totally agree with her advise about bringing others into your relationship via talk. Very good and informative book if you are at that stage where you are asking yourself, "Stay or Go". Thanks to NetGalley, the author and the publisher for the ARC of this book in return for my honest review.
June 8, 2018
Helpful and wise with great thinking points
I found this book to be insightful and it helps me to understand why my relationships fail. I wasn't in a relationship when reading it, but had pretty much given up trying another one. This book gives me better tools to define what I want and need from a partner. Thanks, Dr. Ruth.
I found this book to be insightful and it helps me to understand why my relationships fail. I wasn't in a relationship when reading it, but had pretty much given up trying another one. This book gives me better tools to define what I want and need from a partner. Thanks, Dr. Ruth.
January 12, 2020
This definitely had bits of good advice, but I feel like it should have just been called Go or Go. Lol. Not many reasons on why u should stay but a lot on why you should go. Maybe I just prefer Esther Perel.
April 12, 2022
It is an easy read, no jargon or heavy psicology stuff.
Some things are plainly common sense, that makes me wonder why I did not apply them before.
A good book to learn about relationships, and to learn how one can drive people away (or, sure, if you should go XD).
Some things are plainly common sense, that makes me wonder why I did not apply them before.
A good book to learn about relationships, and to learn how one can drive people away (or, sure, if you should go XD).
January 20, 2018
I won a KINDLE version in a GOODREADS giveaway sponsored by Amazon Publishing.
February 6, 2018
Clear cut and to the point.
February 6, 2018
I really enjoyed this book. It about relationships and
Ideas on problems and making it better. I recommend
this book to all of you. I received a ARC.
Ideas on problems and making it better. I recommend
this book to all of you. I received a ARC.
March 11, 2018
Helpful
July 21, 2018
Excellent, as all her books are. Practical, down to earth, and honest.
February 7, 2020
great read, good info
April 8, 2021
about a 3.5, there’s something good points but some of the stuff felt like it flew a bit close to victim blaming ngl, i’d say it’s an alright book
April 16, 2021
I like how the book was made up of these good constructive questions and answers. helpful to ask yourself
August 25, 2021
This book was written in black or white thinking and I really only appreciated the ending chapters. The rest had to do with how to leave a negative relationship; there was little room was nuance.
June 20, 2023
Good guide
This book was very easy to read, and contains many critical thinking questions. If you are on the fence I'd definitely recommend giving it a quick read.
This book was very easy to read, and contains many critical thinking questions. If you are on the fence I'd definitely recommend giving it a quick read.
May 22, 2025
Read this book to see if I’d recommend it to clients. After reading about half of it, I came to the conclusion that there are better resources that include data and theory instead of just antidotes. There is some great advice, but this book clearly has a target audience - I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone in non-traditional relationships (poly, domestic partners, individuals not seeking marriage). I’m hesitant to recommend it to people with diverse cultural backgrounds as well because I don’t believe the book fully captures their experiences.
Dr. Ruth discourages people from getting feedback from loved ones about the relationship and even goes as far as to reference this behavior as “sinful” according to the Bible. In my experience working with survivors of intimate partner violence, this is an extremely harmful perspective. Friends and loved ones offer immense amounts of support and are integral in helping people leave toxic relationship. Isolation only drags out the suffering. At a minimum, this book needs to come with a disclosure saying people experience violent or abusive relationships should read other resources.
Overall, not my cup of tea. And I won’t be recommending it.
Dr. Ruth discourages people from getting feedback from loved ones about the relationship and even goes as far as to reference this behavior as “sinful” according to the Bible. In my experience working with survivors of intimate partner violence, this is an extremely harmful perspective. Friends and loved ones offer immense amounts of support and are integral in helping people leave toxic relationship. Isolation only drags out the suffering. At a minimum, this book needs to come with a disclosure saying people experience violent or abusive relationships should read other resources.
Overall, not my cup of tea. And I won’t be recommending it.
March 14, 2021
It was thought provoking.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 25 reviews