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Southern Ladies and Gentlemen
The Southern Woman:
She is required to be frigid, passionate, sweet, bitch and scatterbrained - all at the same time. Her problems spring from the fact that she succeeds.
The Bad Good Ole Boy:
He makes his grand exit seven seconds after the grand entrance and murmurs: "I sure pleasured you, Velma Lee, dint I?"
The Self-Rejuvenating Virgin:
She claims it never really happened because: a) she was drunk and b) "We didn't do it in a bed."
The Good Good Ole Boy:
He holds out a dozen pink carnations and says: "I'm mighty sorry 'bout last night, I wasn't gonna rape you. I just wanted to hold you a li'l."
She is required to be frigid, passionate, sweet, bitch and scatterbrained - all at the same time. Her problems spring from the fact that she succeeds.
The Bad Good Ole Boy:
He makes his grand exit seven seconds after the grand entrance and murmurs: "I sure pleasured you, Velma Lee, dint I?"
The Self-Rejuvenating Virgin:
She claims it never really happened because: a) she was drunk and b) "We didn't do it in a bed."
The Good Good Ole Boy:
He holds out a dozen pink carnations and says: "I'm mighty sorry 'bout last night, I wasn't gonna rape you. I just wanted to hold you a li'l."
245 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1975
47 people are currently reading
407 people want to read
About the author
Florence King
19 books61 followersBorn in Washington, D.C. in 1936 to a bookish British father and a tomboy American mother, Florence King spent her childhood living with her parents, her maternal grandmother, and her grandmother's maid.
King showed talent in French, but unable to pursue it as a major at American University, she switched to a dual major of history and English. She attended the University of Mississippi for graduate school, but did not complete her M.A. degree after discovering she could make a living as a writer.
King, who lived in Fredericksburg, Virginia at the time of her death, retired in 2002, but resumed writing a monthly column for National Review in 2006. She died on January 6, 2016 at the age of 80.
King showed talent in French, but unable to pursue it as a major at American University, she switched to a dual major of history and English. She attended the University of Mississippi for graduate school, but did not complete her M.A. degree after discovering she could make a living as a writer.
King, who lived in Fredericksburg, Virginia at the time of her death, retired in 2002, but resumed writing a monthly column for National Review in 2006. She died on January 6, 2016 at the age of 80.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews
November 16, 2016
Sanity holds no charm in the South.
Truth.
Truth.
June 5, 2019
Gotta admit that I skimmed the last half. Got tired of the boxes and the labels and the stereotypes and all their exploding parts and pieces, although at the end we are promised that these types are the true owners of "honor" and "pride." Yikes.
Dated. Embarrassing. . .I felt very, very, white reading it. For a wild hippy that spent more time than most sowing oats, this is a shreddable tome.
These days that's never a good sign.
Dated. Embarrassing. . .I felt very, very, white reading it. For a wild hippy that spent more time than most sowing oats, this is a shreddable tome.
These days that's never a good sign.
December 9, 2015
Riot. So funny at times I could not read anymore. "The Self-Rejuvenating Virgin" is the only sex education any man or women needs! Listen, I was never upset at Bill Clinton's lying about Monica. Y'all just don't understand the Southern mind. It can rationalize anything. Of course it never happened. They didn't do anything in a bedroom ... after all. No gay guy can go without reading "He's a Little Bit Funny, But He's Nice." Southern rules for gay men in the south. King is rapier sharp.
November 27, 2010
I am forever grateful to Beth Flood, who handed me this and "Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady" when I first moved to Nashville from LA and told me I'd learn more about my new culture and home from them than I'd learn in a hundred years by myself. These books have saved me from abject humiliation on more than one occasion, and been a light in the darkness on many others. I keep 5 copies on hand at all times, to hand out to other foreigners moving south.
February 27, 2008
I'm not really sure if this paperback version is the same as the old hardbcover edition my mother gave me years ago, but if it is, I loved the old one. It takes someone raised in the south by true southern women to appreciate and relate to this book. My, what memories I have!
October 26, 2007
fantastically un-politically correct
June 5, 2007
This is the book that helped me understand my Mother, who was sometimes a Rock, other times a Dear Old Thing. I damned near fell out of my chair laughing as I recognized so many of my mother's traditional sayings and behaviors. I have since bought it for my siblings and many friends.I hope you like it as much as I do.
January 6, 2017
A couple of chapters were very amusing, with lots of pieces read aloud for all to enjoy, but as I progressed the rest of the book was more and more of the same stuff, just hammering on the same jokes or reiterating the same concepts again and again until it was just downright painful.
May 29, 2025
King is a good writer and treats this topic with great humor but this book gave me nightmares!!!!!
I kid you not. All the games that have to be played between men and women of ALL ages sent me into a tailspin in my dreams. She makes references to other books written about Southern life, like Gone with the Wind, and uses them as examples for what she is describing and she is spot on.
*Trigger Alert........the use of the word n***** gets used, which gave me a visceral reaction as well as nightmares.
I kid you not. All the games that have to be played between men and women of ALL ages sent me into a tailspin in my dreams. She makes references to other books written about Southern life, like Gone with the Wind, and uses them as examples for what she is describing and she is spot on.
*Trigger Alert........the use of the word n***** gets used, which gave me a visceral reaction as well as nightmares.
September 12, 2008
I know there are good writers and funny writers and every once in a while you get someone who is a great writer who can make you laugh. Florence King is one of those people. (She's also a great Southern Lady who was Raised Right, even if she did go a little off the tracks later.)
READ THIS. It's a fascinating look at how Southerners are and why they are that way.
From Chapter 5 "You Can Tell She's Got Good Blood. She's Delicate" or: Pelvic Politics and Bad Nerves
"Gentlemen planters do not take sturdy women of the people to wife. And so, in additon to being frigid, wanton, bitchy, virtuous, pert, and stupid, the lady of the manor had to have trouble whelping. This was not hard to arrange. Her "delicate parts" had long been at the mercy of the whalebone corset, and when she was not sunk in languid inactivity in the drawing room, she was twisted like a corkscrew and listing to starboard on a sidesaddle.
Victorian women did not know much about ovaries, tubes or cervixes, and they would never use the word "vagina," but the Southern ones all knew about the womb. It was respected as the Peck's bad girl in the female system, an agony-control-central that lurked in every well-bred lady's belly like a bad-tempered octopus, capable of making illness strike any part of her body.
The Southern woman is the world's foremost practitioner of pelvic politics. She has more power over men while she is sexually hors de combat than other women have in the middle of intercourse, for the Southern man's socioeconomic identity and masculine image are trapped in her bonny blue box. Being delicate means that she is both aristocratic and feminine - which means that he is both aristocratic and masculine. This pussy power in the most literal sense."
READ THIS. It's a fascinating look at how Southerners are and why they are that way.
From Chapter 5 "You Can Tell She's Got Good Blood. She's Delicate" or: Pelvic Politics and Bad Nerves
"Gentlemen planters do not take sturdy women of the people to wife. And so, in additon to being frigid, wanton, bitchy, virtuous, pert, and stupid, the lady of the manor had to have trouble whelping. This was not hard to arrange. Her "delicate parts" had long been at the mercy of the whalebone corset, and when she was not sunk in languid inactivity in the drawing room, she was twisted like a corkscrew and listing to starboard on a sidesaddle.
Victorian women did not know much about ovaries, tubes or cervixes, and they would never use the word "vagina," but the Southern ones all knew about the womb. It was respected as the Peck's bad girl in the female system, an agony-control-central that lurked in every well-bred lady's belly like a bad-tempered octopus, capable of making illness strike any part of her body.
The Southern woman is the world's foremost practitioner of pelvic politics. She has more power over men while she is sexually hors de combat than other women have in the middle of intercourse, for the Southern man's socioeconomic identity and masculine image are trapped in her bonny blue box. Being delicate means that she is both aristocratic and feminine - which means that he is both aristocratic and masculine. This pussy power in the most literal sense."
November 28, 2016
I enjoyed this book at times and was quite bored with it at times. I don't know if living in a different region changes relatable content to a reader or if the influences of several eras have changed attitudes. Perhaps the south has finally been infiltrated by yuppies, as the author mentioned, that I couldn't maintain an interest. Again there were several laugh out loud moments and complete boredom with the majority of the book.
January 9, 2008
I read this book in college at the suggestion of a creative writing professor. I loved the whit and insight of Ms King. It is most enjoyed by Southerners, but could be appreciated by all. I have gone back to certain chapters over and over when I needed a good laugh. I'll let you read for yourself and guess at what those are!
November 9, 2007
Interesting but dated perspective on cultural habits in the south. funny from a historical perspective, and also as a debutante reading that old crap was funny. Found it in the Travel section at SF public library though ?!?!?
April 15, 2008
This book is excellent. I love Florence King's unapologetic upfront writing. A definite must-read for anyone moving to the South from ANYWHERE else, but particularly from the North.
Read
May 21, 2008Hilarious. One of my favorite books about why the north & south Are Different. One of the first books bestowed upon me by my late mother-in-law, for which I will be forever grateful.
July 22, 2008
Funny and insightful and wicked, but not as clear and clean as some of her later writing or even as the re-written chapters from this book that made it into her anthology
August 29, 2019
I just adore Florence King’s writing style, I would read anything at all by her.
October 17, 2019
If you know anyone from the South, they are in this book!
June 8, 2023
Funny in bits, but quite outdated (1975) so some of the humor is cringe-worthy.
August 2, 2008
A humorous look at Southern stereotypes in men and women. Racy stuff, madam.
December 25, 2022
Florence King holds magic in her pen when she writes of the past and in many cases, the present of southern manners and all with a deft hand at making a reader laugh until she’s swamped in tears! I think of Ms. King as the holy grail of “get over yourself” attitude, and borne of a southern mother and yankee father, yes — I am allowed to think and say that!
Ms. King has written a number of books on the unique, enchanting, equally infuriating world of the southern states, where men still patronize women like it is a native right and make me want to bite their hands like a rabid Rottweiler!
And don’t encourage me, because I’ll start naming public southern hypocrites and dinosaurs who still hold the public hostage. Gone and not missed at all, Strom Thurmond, Hypocrite Immemorial. Still living but in dire need of a nursing home and “special” meds, Lindsey Graham — oops! You didn’t read that, did you? I swear as if I were a southern gentleman that it was just a slip of the old keyboard!
You don’t have to be southern to enjoy this string of books by a writer who knows exactly how to one-up any late-night comedian’s writing team. In fact, if you aren’t, you may enjoy them even more, exploring an alien world inhabited by millions of people who still think of the Civil War as a great and terrible misfortune of differing opinions.
Ms. King is a writer with such sharp wits, she must have frightened of national reviewers — otherwise, her books would still be on the shelves of each and every bookstore (excepting those of specialty types like Survivalists, Christian, Catholic, Republican and the type list goes on …)
Ms. King is a rare jewel — find her works and agree to lose some breath to laughter.
Ms. King has written a number of books on the unique, enchanting, equally infuriating world of the southern states, where men still patronize women like it is a native right and make me want to bite their hands like a rabid Rottweiler!
And don’t encourage me, because I’ll start naming public southern hypocrites and dinosaurs who still hold the public hostage. Gone and not missed at all, Strom Thurmond, Hypocrite Immemorial. Still living but in dire need of a nursing home and “special” meds, Lindsey Graham — oops! You didn’t read that, did you? I swear as if I were a southern gentleman that it was just a slip of the old keyboard!
You don’t have to be southern to enjoy this string of books by a writer who knows exactly how to one-up any late-night comedian’s writing team. In fact, if you aren’t, you may enjoy them even more, exploring an alien world inhabited by millions of people who still think of the Civil War as a great and terrible misfortune of differing opinions.
Ms. King is a writer with such sharp wits, she must have frightened of national reviewers — otherwise, her books would still be on the shelves of each and every bookstore (excepting those of specialty types like Survivalists, Christian, Catholic, Republican and the type list goes on …)
Ms. King is a rare jewel — find her works and agree to lose some breath to laughter.
August 11, 2020
Let's talk relatives.
Mine are pioneer stock. Life's hardships--Relief Society callings, cow milkings and keeping journals that will inspire posterity to good works--have turned them into an even-keeled, responsible, self-effacing lot. There is hope, however; our rising generation includes a couple jailbirds.
You might think I have nothing to regret, surrounded by people so nice and normal that we can clear out and sell the family house without a single dramatic outburst. But I once read Florence King's Southern Ladies and Gentlemen, laughed myself silly and, upon closing the book, regretted that we had no crazies in the family line. Why couldn't Mother throw a fit about a ruined hat once in a while?
Miss King had her aunt Evelyn, who once believed that her womb had fallen out. Southern women, King explained, nurse a preoccupation with their wombs, part of their frail-and-delicate act. Southerners, she further explained, are pre-Copernican. Copernicus, you will recall, is the guy that told us the sun does not revolve around the earth, but the earth around the sun. So Southerners, as pre-Copernicans, do their best to make the world revolve around them. Thus, all their vapors and their Aunt Evelyns.
You can skip the chapter on their sex lives, if that isn't your tall glass of ice tea, and there will still be plenty of Southern craziness to keep you entertained.
Mine are pioneer stock. Life's hardships--Relief Society callings, cow milkings and keeping journals that will inspire posterity to good works--have turned them into an even-keeled, responsible, self-effacing lot. There is hope, however; our rising generation includes a couple jailbirds.
You might think I have nothing to regret, surrounded by people so nice and normal that we can clear out and sell the family house without a single dramatic outburst. But I once read Florence King's Southern Ladies and Gentlemen, laughed myself silly and, upon closing the book, regretted that we had no crazies in the family line. Why couldn't Mother throw a fit about a ruined hat once in a while?
Miss King had her aunt Evelyn, who once believed that her womb had fallen out. Southern women, King explained, nurse a preoccupation with their wombs, part of their frail-and-delicate act. Southerners, she further explained, are pre-Copernican. Copernicus, you will recall, is the guy that told us the sun does not revolve around the earth, but the earth around the sun. So Southerners, as pre-Copernicans, do their best to make the world revolve around them. Thus, all their vapors and their Aunt Evelyns.
You can skip the chapter on their sex lives, if that isn't your tall glass of ice tea, and there will still be plenty of Southern craziness to keep you entertained.
May 25, 2023
I picked this up for $.50 at a used book sale, so my expectations were admittedly low, but I was pleasantly surprised. First, some caveats: the book is somewhat dated. King would be disappointed to learn that the "Damnyuppies," as she calls them, have further diluted the culture described in the book since the last edition was released in the 90s. The original book was written in the 1970s and shows its age. It is certainly not PC in 2023, occasionally in ways funny/transgressive and often in ways deeply offensive. And finally, it explains the South only insofar as you limit that region to the white, small town, and mostly middle and upper class parts. But with those caveats in mind, as someone who is (and looks) about as un-Southern as it gets who had the (mis?)fortune of marrying into this peculiar subculture, I found that it brilliantly captures the cast of characters that we Damnyankees have tried and failed to assimilate out of existence - from the Good Ole Boy to the Dear Old Thing. King's writing style, pop-Freudianism, and anthropology-by-fake character occasionally gets tedious, but at points, it's downright hilarious. Not bad for a book that cost me two quarters!
April 21, 2020
First written in 1975, and updated with an addendum in the 1990s, this book has had good reviews by southern journals and was recommended by an acquaintance. Have to say I found it a bit tiring and too scatalogical. Every once in a while I enjoyed some of her categorizations and descriptions, but overall not satisfying. The book that my acquaintance and I both heartily recommend is Being Dead Is No Excuse, as a good introduction to the south.
March 6, 2019
4.5 This had much more substance, if you will, than what I had expected, which was essentially just a quick humor book. Her writing is wonderful, and it certainly is funny, I laughed to the point of having to stop reading to get a grip many times.
Read
September 11, 2019Quite an odd book I found in a station book drop in London. It was quite interesting and felt like a historical source. It has dated of course but there were plenty of funny anecdotes. Meandering towards the end. Particularly enjoyed reflecting on the Cinderella complex idea.
February 11, 2025
This was touted as a humor book, but it felt more like a psychological analysis of the people the author had known in her life in the South.
August 5, 2025
I read this book in the 1980s and thought it was hilarious. I’m 40 or so years older now. I tried reading it again and stopped after a few chapters. This isn’t my kind of humor any more.
December 14, 2025
DNF at about 50%. This book is gross.
April 3, 2013
Hilarious!
"[Dr. Jonathan Latham of Boston] met a lovely, patrician creature who extended a gracious invitation to a dinner party. [...] His hostess, he decided, was the last of the great ladies, an untouchable yet infinitely alluring ice maiden. Three hours later, watching her sip daintily at her tenth bourbon, Latham was certain he felt a stroke coming on. She still looked beautifully aristocratic; she had yet to slur a single word, yet a startling change had come over her personality. Latham's pristine goddess had turned into Tugboat Annie. 'He's a Friday turd at a Saturday market,' she was saying. 'As for that fartless wonder he married--' Blessedly, she was interrupted by a male guest who had just arrived-- and who, of course, hastened to do the proper Southern thing: pay his respects to his hostess. Latham watched as the man put his arm around her waist. 'Honey, I sure would like a little pussy.' 'So would I,' she said, laughing. 'Mine's as big as a bucket.' Seeing Latham' horrified expression, she was kind enough to explain: 'We went to school together.'"
"[Dr. Jonathan Latham of Boston] met a lovely, patrician creature who extended a gracious invitation to a dinner party. [...] His hostess, he decided, was the last of the great ladies, an untouchable yet infinitely alluring ice maiden. Three hours later, watching her sip daintily at her tenth bourbon, Latham was certain he felt a stroke coming on. She still looked beautifully aristocratic; she had yet to slur a single word, yet a startling change had come over her personality. Latham's pristine goddess had turned into Tugboat Annie. 'He's a Friday turd at a Saturday market,' she was saying. 'As for that fartless wonder he married--' Blessedly, she was interrupted by a male guest who had just arrived-- and who, of course, hastened to do the proper Southern thing: pay his respects to his hostess. Latham watched as the man put his arm around her waist. 'Honey, I sure would like a little pussy.' 'So would I,' she said, laughing. 'Mine's as big as a bucket.' Seeing Latham' horrified expression, she was kind enough to explain: 'We went to school together.'"
Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews