The Good Father: On Men, Masculinity, and Life in the Family

by Mark O'Connell

An examination of the nature of masculinity offers guidance to fathers on how to be more satisfied in their parent-child relationships, sharing a host of examples that cover such topics as discipline, staying emotionally connected, and disagreeing with a spouse's parenting choices. 50,000 first printing.

304 pages, Hardcover

First published January 4, 2005

Reviews

[Douglas Lord · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this workable yet personal conceptual framework of "good" fathering, psychotherapist O'Connell posits that merely owning a Y chromosome is not enough; men must legitimize their fatherhood by channelgood fathering the natural gifts of aggression, competitiveness, physicality, and power into authority "for a positive, constructive purpose." His especially insightful literature survey traces the historical context of fatherhood, and to this O'Connell adds his own experiences and those of his patients. Though direct advice is infrequent, the therapeutic examples are deep and insightful. O'Connell compellingly shows that "doing" authority properly helps children "develop a solid sense of self-discipline." His approach is a bit academic, with many $10 words, so the book will most benefit forward thinkers in the parenting arena as well as the helping professions, Reminiscent of Gerard Jones's Killing Monsters: Why Children Need Fantasy, Super Heroes, and Make-Believe, Violence in its progressiveness, this is recommended for large public and most academic libraries.
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[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book posits two central theses: First, that aggression is a natural part of a man's personality and should be tamed, not eliminated, in the act of parenting. Second, a corollary thought that the quality of a father's parenting should not be graded on how much "like a mother" he is. The second idea is more interesting, though not as deeply explored in this book as I'd like; the author spends a bit too much time reacting to the "sensitive man" school of parenting. The book has some value to men who are looking for support in the way they approach their children - setting limits, sometimes prioritizing rules over conversation, always balancing immediate and long-term needs. The specific guidance tends toward the common-sense, but the positions taken and examples may be refreshing to some parents.

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book resonated with me for a variety of reasons. I've struggled a lot with being a stay at home Dad, I'm going on 4 years now. With 2 boys aged almost 5 and 3, the challenges keep coming and I've often wondered why: a. I can't parent like my wife can, and b. at times I seem to struggle so much.

This book has filled much of a void in my understanding of what fathering is about. It doesn't have all the answers, and it has a particular perspective on aggression that I may not agree completely with, but it has done a wonderful thing for me. It has provided me with a foundation for being a father that I've not understood before. I feel like I can function in this relatively new capacity with greater understanding and guidance than I did before reading this book.

This is a book that I expect to pull down from the shelf on a regular basis to reread.