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Swagger Lib/E: 10 Urgent Rules for Raising Boys in an Era of Failing Schools, Mass Joblessness, and Thug Culture
“At this very moment, through no fault of their own, our boys are caught in the vortex of four powerful, insidious, often invisible forces which conspire to rob them of their future.” We medicate, discipline, suspend and expel our boys from school at quadruple the rate of girls. We let double the number of boys drop out of high school than girls, and of those boys who do graduate, they are far more likely than their sisters to be illiterate, to fail to go to college, or to drop out of college if they do go.
SWAGGER is a wakeup call for parents about the real world our boys inhabit right now, but it offers solutions as well. From how to teach your boy humility (the swagger anti-venom), to “making your home a reading mecca,” creating an expectation of college graduation, and how to teach your boy to be critical of the media onslaught in his life, this book is also packed with research-proven, parent-tested, teacher-approved practical solutions, delivered in the author’s trademark no-nonsense, often humorous, take-charge voice.
SWAGGER is a wakeup call for parents about the real world our boys inhabit right now, but it offers solutions as well. From how to teach your boy humility (the swagger anti-venom), to “making your home a reading mecca,” creating an expectation of college graduation, and how to teach your boy to be critical of the media onslaught in his life, this book is also packed with research-proven, parent-tested, teacher-approved practical solutions, delivered in the author’s trademark no-nonsense, often humorous, take-charge voice.
Audio CD
First published April 19, 2012
42 people are currently reading
725 people want to read
About the author
Lisa Bloom
17 books149 followersAuthor of upcoming SUSPICION NATION: The Inside Story of the Trayvon Martin Injustice and Why We Continue to Repeat It (releases 2/26/14). Author of the New York Times bestseller, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, and #1 parenting bestseller, Swagger: 10 Urgent Rules for Raising Boys in an Era of Failing Schools, Mass Joblessness and Thug Culture.
Host of her own national live daily talk show on Court TV for eight years, Lisa is now a regular legal analyst on CBS News, CNN and HLN, appearing frequently on The Early Show, Piers Morgan, The Insider, Dr. Phil, Anderson Cooper 360, The Situation Room, Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell and many other shows. In addition, Lisa runs a prominent Los Angeles based general practice law firm, TheBloomFirm.com, representing celebrity clients and ordinary people seeking justice in their lives. A popular award-winning speaker and author, Lisa has been interviewed by Barbara Walters, Oprah Winfrey, Larry King, Rachael Ray, Montel Williams, Julie Chen, Harry Smith, Matt Lauer, Diane Sawyer, Charlie Gibson,Tony Danza, Star Jones, Paula Zahn, Anderson Cooper, Campbell Brown, Wolf Blitzer, Bill O’Reilly, Shawn Hannity, Elizabeth Vargas, Dan Abrams, Joe Scarborough, Rita Cosby, Tina Brown, Donny Deutsch, Nancy Grace and many others.
Lisa especially enjoys speaking to live audiences, and is a popular speaker at college commencements, corporate events, and women's and book groups.
Host of her own national live daily talk show on Court TV for eight years, Lisa is now a regular legal analyst on CBS News, CNN and HLN, appearing frequently on The Early Show, Piers Morgan, The Insider, Dr. Phil, Anderson Cooper 360, The Situation Room, Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell and many other shows. In addition, Lisa runs a prominent Los Angeles based general practice law firm, TheBloomFirm.com, representing celebrity clients and ordinary people seeking justice in their lives. A popular award-winning speaker and author, Lisa has been interviewed by Barbara Walters, Oprah Winfrey, Larry King, Rachael Ray, Montel Williams, Julie Chen, Harry Smith, Matt Lauer, Diane Sawyer, Charlie Gibson,Tony Danza, Star Jones, Paula Zahn, Anderson Cooper, Campbell Brown, Wolf Blitzer, Bill O’Reilly, Shawn Hannity, Elizabeth Vargas, Dan Abrams, Joe Scarborough, Rita Cosby, Tina Brown, Donny Deutsch, Nancy Grace and many others.
Lisa especially enjoys speaking to live audiences, and is a popular speaker at college commencements, corporate events, and women's and book groups.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 81 reviews
July 27, 2012
In the spirit of critique I will list the few things I found good about this book before the several I found that were not so good. The information about the school systems in the US; the futility and terrible repercussions (especially towards people of color) that the 'war on drugs' has had over the years; being critical of advertising and media; and that reading to your children is one of the best things you can do for them. The suggestions about helping your child reach their potential were aimed squarely at upper middle class Americans. Those who can reach libraries with ease, have plenty of time and money to take their children to life enriching events, and a job that allows them to be around to censor their teenagers habits.
The rest of this book was flim flam. I had high hopes that it would not be everything it was. Sensational, reductionist and extremely judgmental. Reading it I could tell the author had no actual knowledge of the pop culture phenomena she was talking about. A few choice quotes -
"Not all rap music today is thuggish-Common and Black Eyed Peas are notable exceptions"
In what world is Black Eyed Peas considered rap music? And there are plenty of actual hip hop artists who don't fall into the category of thuggish music. Eyedea, POS, Atmosphere and Blueprint. It was readily apparent that she was searching for music to fit her perceptions. The one metal band she mentions? Cannibal Corpse, who are SO over the top only those who are entirely ignorant of the genre take it seriously. My suggestion to parents would be that if your kid likes rap music, find some that doesn't exemplify that kind of life and give it to them. Instead of banning it which will get you nowhere, guide towards something better.
"What about video games, the bane of every modern mom's existence?'
Speak for yourself and only yourself ma'am. I'm well aware that we moms who play video games aren't in a majority especially at the age group this is aimed at but holy hell what kind of gender essentialist bullshit is that to put in a book? And while I may not enjoy her favorite target of ire Call of Duty I've played enough Halo to make up for it. Video games can range from terrible to wonderful just like anything else and even if you don't play video games, all it takes is about 5 minutes on the internet to get a review and know whether or not it's something you want your kid exposed to.
"George Orwell's 1984 has arrived, just a few decades behind schedule."
My question for her would be if she has ever actually read 1984. Because if so, she fails.
There were 2 other issues I take with this book, the total hatred for TV and the idea that college is the one and only way to a successful life.
First things first, television. The things she is saying now is what people were saying a hundred years ago about pulp novels and it was just as false then as it is now. TV can be a great thing and it can be trash. It all depends on what you watch and how much of it you consume.
College can be great, it can get you a good job and lead to a better career and life but that has to be what you want. It can also be a $30,000 piece of paper that leaves you in debt for the rest of your life. Making tons of money is not every persons goal in life and if your child wants to be a classical painter, a writer, or a musician college may not be the way to go for them. My goal as a parent is not to push my child to be the most successful person ever. It's to help him find fulfillment in life doing something that he can make a decent living at while still enjoying his life. If that means a trade school to become a computer programmer, great! If it means helping him go to college to get a law degree, also great! I want my kid to be happy and teach him how to balance his life equally among responsibility and fun. Not to push him to make money at all costs because it's the only thing that matters.
The rest of this book was flim flam. I had high hopes that it would not be everything it was. Sensational, reductionist and extremely judgmental. Reading it I could tell the author had no actual knowledge of the pop culture phenomena she was talking about. A few choice quotes -
"Not all rap music today is thuggish-Common and Black Eyed Peas are notable exceptions"
In what world is Black Eyed Peas considered rap music? And there are plenty of actual hip hop artists who don't fall into the category of thuggish music. Eyedea, POS, Atmosphere and Blueprint. It was readily apparent that she was searching for music to fit her perceptions. The one metal band she mentions? Cannibal Corpse, who are SO over the top only those who are entirely ignorant of the genre take it seriously. My suggestion to parents would be that if your kid likes rap music, find some that doesn't exemplify that kind of life and give it to them. Instead of banning it which will get you nowhere, guide towards something better.
"What about video games, the bane of every modern mom's existence?'
Speak for yourself and only yourself ma'am. I'm well aware that we moms who play video games aren't in a majority especially at the age group this is aimed at but holy hell what kind of gender essentialist bullshit is that to put in a book? And while I may not enjoy her favorite target of ire Call of Duty I've played enough Halo to make up for it. Video games can range from terrible to wonderful just like anything else and even if you don't play video games, all it takes is about 5 minutes on the internet to get a review and know whether or not it's something you want your kid exposed to.
"George Orwell's 1984 has arrived, just a few decades behind schedule."
My question for her would be if she has ever actually read 1984. Because if so, she fails.
There were 2 other issues I take with this book, the total hatred for TV and the idea that college is the one and only way to a successful life.
First things first, television. The things she is saying now is what people were saying a hundred years ago about pulp novels and it was just as false then as it is now. TV can be a great thing and it can be trash. It all depends on what you watch and how much of it you consume.
College can be great, it can get you a good job and lead to a better career and life but that has to be what you want. It can also be a $30,000 piece of paper that leaves you in debt for the rest of your life. Making tons of money is not every persons goal in life and if your child wants to be a classical painter, a writer, or a musician college may not be the way to go for them. My goal as a parent is not to push my child to be the most successful person ever. It's to help him find fulfillment in life doing something that he can make a decent living at while still enjoying his life. If that means a trade school to become a computer programmer, great! If it means helping him go to college to get a law degree, also great! I want my kid to be happy and teach him how to balance his life equally among responsibility and fun. Not to push him to make money at all costs because it's the only thing that matters.
June 7, 2012
I am about 2/3 of the way through this book and I am so thankful to have this resource as my boys enter the rocky world of elementary school and beyond. When my daughter was a toddler, I read Reviving Ophelia and I felt better equipped to deal with the outside pressures facing girls. Swagger is Reviving Ophelia for boys, with an emphasis on today's culture. If you have boys (or even if you have nephews, cousins, etc.), read this book.
November 28, 2012
It was ok. Very casual and conversational style. Fairly alarmist, extremely American, sadly Christian (what's up with Christians writing parenting books?) and I certainly didn't agree with some things she said.
However, I want to remember some of the key messages for posterity:
Thug culture is non-stop background noise for boys and it's quite different from the music that our parents hated.
- teach humility, lose the swagger.
- expect them to go to college/university and talk about it a lot.
- read in front of him and talk about books a lot - literacy level is a primary key to success in life.
- minimize and control tv/video games/internet
- teach media literacy and critical thinking about media. (Ask: who created this message, what techniques are used to attract my attention? how might different people understand this message differently from me? what lifestyles, values, and points of view are represented in or omitted from this message? why was this message sent?
- support his teacher
- teach him to respect girls and women
- make community service part of your family life
- travel!
However, I want to remember some of the key messages for posterity:
Thug culture is non-stop background noise for boys and it's quite different from the music that our parents hated.
- teach humility, lose the swagger.
- expect them to go to college/university and talk about it a lot.
- read in front of him and talk about books a lot - literacy level is a primary key to success in life.
- minimize and control tv/video games/internet
- teach media literacy and critical thinking about media. (Ask: who created this message, what techniques are used to attract my attention? how might different people understand this message differently from me? what lifestyles, values, and points of view are represented in or omitted from this message? why was this message sent?
- support his teacher
- teach him to respect girls and women
- make community service part of your family life
- travel!
June 12, 2012
Along the lines of her last book, Think, Ms. Bloom calls it like she sees it in Swagger. And boy, is how she sees it scary.
Ms. Bloom first lays the ground work by identifying four social and economic factors that disproportionately harm boys: the failing public education system, the struggling economy, "thug culture" including particularly music that glorifies violence, and mass incarceration. I'd read about public schools and the economy quite a bit, so much of those chapters was review for me. As someone who listens primarily to either country or classical music, the chapter on "thug culture" was quite a revelation. It includes quite a few lyrics from rap and hip-hop songs and, let me tell you, it was disturbing. After reading some Snoop Dogg, Allen Iverson, and Notorious B.I.G. lyrics I was appalled and grateful that my sons are thrilled to have recently discovered Michael Jackson and Bon Jovi. There just doesn't seem to me to be any way to read those lyrics like "Man enough to pull a gun, be man enough to squeeze it" (Iverson) or "f&*# you with an umbrella and open it up while the $#!t's inside ya" (Eminem) other than as a glorification of murder, violence, and rape, not to mention the objectification of women. While I'm hesitant to tar the entire genre with this brush, I certainly didn't see any redeeming qualities in the image held up in these songs for kids to idolize.
I was also blown away by the chapter on our prison system. I had no idea just how large the "enormous surge" in the American prison population was or how disproportionately it affects men and particularly minorities. Over two million adults are incarcerated in the United States today, 93% are men. Another five million are on probation or parole. Those are absolutely insane numbers. With the "War on Drugs," drug addiction became a crime to be punished instead of an ailment to be helped. Four out of five - 80% - of drug arrests in 2005 were for possession. Only one in five was for actually selling drugs. And the life-long penalties after incarceration are stunning. In many states, after a felony conviction, voting rights are taken away, as is the ability to serve on a jury. Finding employment becomes increasingly difficult, federal educational assistance is denied so you can't go back to school, federal food stamps are not available, the military will not allow enlistment. With few options, recidivism rates are high, and the cycle continues into the next generation. And it costs taxpayers millions while our schools are desperately in need of funds to cover the basics. Just how is this logical??
Ms. Bloom's "Ten Rules for Raising Boys Right Now" actually made me feel pretty good about how we're doing in our family of three boys (ages 3, 6, and 9). We're right on track with many of these suggestions already, but they also provided food for thought on ways we can improve, too.
1. Lose the Swagger, Kid - humility (as opposed to overconfidence) and modesty (as opposed to bragging) are important values that our children are not learning. "Your son is an important person, a child of God, with the spark of the divine animating him. But so is every other person on the planet--no more, no less."
2. Set College Expectations Early and Often - Ms. Bloom bangs this drum repeatedly. In spite of rising college costs, a college degree is still an absolute necessity for a middle-class lifestyle. Not only is life-time earning potential more than twice that of a high school graduate, but job security is greater with unemployment rates for college grads significantly lower that those for high school dropouts or high school grads.
3. Make Your Home a Reading Mecca - Preaching to the choir, here! Fluent reading is critical. Period. The National Endowment of the Arts concluded that "Reading correlates with almost every measure of positive personal and social behavior" according to an extensive study done.
4. Eliminate the Competition - The competition for reading time is TV, video games, anything with a screen, so cut back or completely eliminate it. After recounting numerous scientific studies and their findings regarding TV watching in particular, Ms. Bloom concludes "if we were child haters and wanted to come up with one magic device that would make them stupid, mean, narcissistic, fat, and sick, we would have invented the television and twenty-first-century programming and put them in every home, even in kids' bedrooms..."
5. Become Aware of the Data Pinging In and Out of Your Boy's Brain - "George Orwell's 1984 has arrived, just a few decades behind schedule. Only it's not big government that's watching us; it's corporate America." In order to help our sons navigate the enormous amount of messages that are thrown at them every day by peers, companies, the media, etc., we need to educate ourselves and know what those messages are! One pointed suggestion here was to insist that "a condition of his access to the Internet must always be your ability to watch him there."
6. Teach Your Boy to Be Ever-critical of All Media - Here Ms. Bloom provides 5 key questions (from the Center for Media Literacy) to teach your sons to ask about the media he sees, so he's less susceptible to its messages:
* Who created this message?
* What techniques are used to attract my attention?
* How might different people understand this message differently from me?
* What lifestyles, values, and points of view are represented in or omitted from this message?
* Why was this message sent?
7. Support His Teacher - Ideally, you and your child's teacher have the same goals and the same desire to help your child succeed. They are not the adversary! Undermining their authority with your child doesn't help anyone. We've been fortunate to mostly have great teachers for our children and I love the advice Ms. Bloom gives to "help your son succeed by teaching him strategies to behave well and do his work even if" he doesn't like his teacher, or he's not feeling well, or whatever...
8. Teach Him to Respect Girls and Women - Of course, you want your child to show respect to everyone, but in this day and age there is no excuse for making demeaning, sexist, or rude comments about women, even as a "joke." Ms. Bloom advises moms to "demand respect for yourself." No more martyr routines. Teach your sons to cook, clean, do laundry and wash dishes. Encourage them to have friends of both genders so girls aren't "the other" and your children are comfortable interacting with both boys and girls. Point out harmful and disrespectful stereotypes. "Teach him that respect is active.
9. Make Community Service a Regular Part of Your Family Life - Include your children in the service you do. For example, I have a Meals on Wheels route I do every other week. My oldest two are in school at that time, but my three-year-old loves MoW days and the "grandmas and grandpas" love to see him helping. The others are excited to have a chance to help out this summer. "Make it a family affair."
10. Take Him Away - Brand new experiences broaden horizons and open minds. "Expose your boy to difference." Not all of us may have the resources that allowed Ms. Bloom to travel with her children all around the world, but we can look for historical sites, museums, natural wonders close to our homes and make it a point to visit them and expand our knowledge and our children's minds.
My only quibble with Swagger is that I'm afraid those who are most likely to read this book are those who don't "need" it as much - the middle to upper-middle class parents who are already encouraging college, reading to their sons, volunteering in the classroom and doing a lot of things right. Wholesale changes are needed in the public education system, the economy, the prison system and society in order to turn things around for the most vulnerable boys and I'm doubtful that the political will exists to make those changes.
For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.
Ms. Bloom first lays the ground work by identifying four social and economic factors that disproportionately harm boys: the failing public education system, the struggling economy, "thug culture" including particularly music that glorifies violence, and mass incarceration. I'd read about public schools and the economy quite a bit, so much of those chapters was review for me. As someone who listens primarily to either country or classical music, the chapter on "thug culture" was quite a revelation. It includes quite a few lyrics from rap and hip-hop songs and, let me tell you, it was disturbing. After reading some Snoop Dogg, Allen Iverson, and Notorious B.I.G. lyrics I was appalled and grateful that my sons are thrilled to have recently discovered Michael Jackson and Bon Jovi. There just doesn't seem to me to be any way to read those lyrics like "Man enough to pull a gun, be man enough to squeeze it" (Iverson) or "f&*# you with an umbrella and open it up while the $#!t's inside ya" (Eminem) other than as a glorification of murder, violence, and rape, not to mention the objectification of women. While I'm hesitant to tar the entire genre with this brush, I certainly didn't see any redeeming qualities in the image held up in these songs for kids to idolize.
I was also blown away by the chapter on our prison system. I had no idea just how large the "enormous surge" in the American prison population was or how disproportionately it affects men and particularly minorities. Over two million adults are incarcerated in the United States today, 93% are men. Another five million are on probation or parole. Those are absolutely insane numbers. With the "War on Drugs," drug addiction became a crime to be punished instead of an ailment to be helped. Four out of five - 80% - of drug arrests in 2005 were for possession. Only one in five was for actually selling drugs. And the life-long penalties after incarceration are stunning. In many states, after a felony conviction, voting rights are taken away, as is the ability to serve on a jury. Finding employment becomes increasingly difficult, federal educational assistance is denied so you can't go back to school, federal food stamps are not available, the military will not allow enlistment. With few options, recidivism rates are high, and the cycle continues into the next generation. And it costs taxpayers millions while our schools are desperately in need of funds to cover the basics. Just how is this logical??
Ms. Bloom's "Ten Rules for Raising Boys Right Now" actually made me feel pretty good about how we're doing in our family of three boys (ages 3, 6, and 9). We're right on track with many of these suggestions already, but they also provided food for thought on ways we can improve, too.
1. Lose the Swagger, Kid - humility (as opposed to overconfidence) and modesty (as opposed to bragging) are important values that our children are not learning. "Your son is an important person, a child of God, with the spark of the divine animating him. But so is every other person on the planet--no more, no less."
2. Set College Expectations Early and Often - Ms. Bloom bangs this drum repeatedly. In spite of rising college costs, a college degree is still an absolute necessity for a middle-class lifestyle. Not only is life-time earning potential more than twice that of a high school graduate, but job security is greater with unemployment rates for college grads significantly lower that those for high school dropouts or high school grads.
3. Make Your Home a Reading Mecca - Preaching to the choir, here! Fluent reading is critical. Period. The National Endowment of the Arts concluded that "Reading correlates with almost every measure of positive personal and social behavior" according to an extensive study done.
4. Eliminate the Competition - The competition for reading time is TV, video games, anything with a screen, so cut back or completely eliminate it. After recounting numerous scientific studies and their findings regarding TV watching in particular, Ms. Bloom concludes "if we were child haters and wanted to come up with one magic device that would make them stupid, mean, narcissistic, fat, and sick, we would have invented the television and twenty-first-century programming and put them in every home, even in kids' bedrooms..."
5. Become Aware of the Data Pinging In and Out of Your Boy's Brain - "George Orwell's 1984 has arrived, just a few decades behind schedule. Only it's not big government that's watching us; it's corporate America." In order to help our sons navigate the enormous amount of messages that are thrown at them every day by peers, companies, the media, etc., we need to educate ourselves and know what those messages are! One pointed suggestion here was to insist that "a condition of his access to the Internet must always be your ability to watch him there."
6. Teach Your Boy to Be Ever-critical of All Media - Here Ms. Bloom provides 5 key questions (from the Center for Media Literacy) to teach your sons to ask about the media he sees, so he's less susceptible to its messages:
* Who created this message?
* What techniques are used to attract my attention?
* How might different people understand this message differently from me?
* What lifestyles, values, and points of view are represented in or omitted from this message?
* Why was this message sent?
7. Support His Teacher - Ideally, you and your child's teacher have the same goals and the same desire to help your child succeed. They are not the adversary! Undermining their authority with your child doesn't help anyone. We've been fortunate to mostly have great teachers for our children and I love the advice Ms. Bloom gives to "help your son succeed by teaching him strategies to behave well and do his work even if" he doesn't like his teacher, or he's not feeling well, or whatever...
8. Teach Him to Respect Girls and Women - Of course, you want your child to show respect to everyone, but in this day and age there is no excuse for making demeaning, sexist, or rude comments about women, even as a "joke." Ms. Bloom advises moms to "demand respect for yourself." No more martyr routines. Teach your sons to cook, clean, do laundry and wash dishes. Encourage them to have friends of both genders so girls aren't "the other" and your children are comfortable interacting with both boys and girls. Point out harmful and disrespectful stereotypes. "Teach him that respect is active.
9. Make Community Service a Regular Part of Your Family Life - Include your children in the service you do. For example, I have a Meals on Wheels route I do every other week. My oldest two are in school at that time, but my three-year-old loves MoW days and the "grandmas and grandpas" love to see him helping. The others are excited to have a chance to help out this summer. "Make it a family affair."
10. Take Him Away - Brand new experiences broaden horizons and open minds. "Expose your boy to difference." Not all of us may have the resources that allowed Ms. Bloom to travel with her children all around the world, but we can look for historical sites, museums, natural wonders close to our homes and make it a point to visit them and expand our knowledge and our children's minds.
My only quibble with Swagger is that I'm afraid those who are most likely to read this book are those who don't "need" it as much - the middle to upper-middle class parents who are already encouraging college, reading to their sons, volunteering in the classroom and doing a lot of things right. Wholesale changes are needed in the public education system, the economy, the prison system and society in order to turn things around for the most vulnerable boys and I'm doubtful that the political will exists to make those changes.
For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.
September 27, 2016
This boy is a great tool for parents of boys. All boys. The 10 rules are immediate and equally important. Kill the swagger. Instill a love for reading. College is mandatory. Time the video/tv time. TALK to you son. Help him analyze media. SUPPORT not fight his teachers. Show him how to RESPECT the opposite sex...open/hold doors, walk curbside when walking with the opposite sex. Have him volunteer at a charity. Take vacations with him. Ms. Bloom is saying expose your son to other aspects of life outside of his daily environment. Spend true quality time with him, not just playing video games or watching tv together. Open his mind to all the world has to offer. Help him to develop an open mind. Show him that education is necessary to survive in this life DESPITE our current economy situation. A college degree is still very, very necessary. Take him to the jailhouse to show him where he DOES NOT want to be. Have him think in advance about his future (everyone will not go to the NBA or NFL) and teach him how to create backup plans...to diversify and create options and opportunities for himself. The book showed me the work I need to do with my own 2 sons. I am more than half way there, but I have plenty of improvement. The fun comes in helping them fill in the gaps. I look forward to it.
May 3, 2012
After reading THINK, I was excited (as a father of two girls, and two boys), to get a hold of this book. I was amazed at the fact that, although I feel I am a good father, I am missing the opportunity in a lot of ways to educate my sons on the RIGHT things in life. I think every father should read this book, as it can be used much like a road map to raising a boy to grow to be a man...not a felon!
May 2, 2012
If you thought Lisa's first book, THINK, was good - you are in for a treat! Swagger is even better. If you are raising a boy or know someone that is, you have to read this book. Lisa takes on the media, the music industry, the judicial system and popular culture. This book will really get you thinking.
August 30, 2012
I don't think I'm going to finish this one. I hate not finishing books but after an utterly depressing litany about the trouble with America's school systems I was ready for the "rule" I could employ to make it better. The answer? Make the kids go to college and finish. Hmm, well I have every intention of getting them through college - it's getting them to that point I'm struggling with. I still don't see how focusing on college helps the appalling disrepair of the school buildings and the government and the citizens of this country who've decided that educating our kids is our nation's lowest priority. I didn't expect a miracle answer from her but she sure set the book up to be the miracle answer, the way to raise our boys in this horrible world we've created for them. Somehow getting through college just seems like much too little too late.
I'm not even going to get to the rest of it. If I want to be depressed I'll just watch the news.
The date below is the date I gave up on this book...
I'm not even going to get to the rest of it. If I want to be depressed I'll just watch the news.
The date below is the date I gave up on this book...
June 11, 2012
Lisa Bloom returns with a fantastic look for parents and adults into male youth culture. More than a simple how-to guide, Bloom mixes sociological knowledge with historical expertise to trace troubling trends in male pattern behavior and give concerned adults tools to address the challenges faced by the boys they love. (Check out my interview with the author.)
July 26, 2013
I really liked the advice this book gave. I've read a bunch of "raising boys" books lately and liked it's up-to-date info and ideas. I came away with some good notes:
-avoid rap music
-lose the swagger, teach humility
-Set college expectations early, bring it up often, get them excited about college sports teams, visit campuses, save money, teach about the cost of education, teach them that it is doable.
-Read read read. Most importantly have Dad read to the boys. Let them see their dad read. Reading is cool and not just for girls. There's a great appendix of books for boys.
-Limit tv/screen time. TV is bad for their brains, manners and social life. Even those educational programs like Sesame Street are basically teaching them to watch tv. Favorite quote from this section:
"In short, if we were child haters and wanted to come up with one magic device that would make them stupid, mean, narcissistic, fat, and sick, we would have invented the television and twenty-first century programming and put them in every home, even in kids' bedrooms (and given them lots of time off from school to sit in front of the box). We'd persuade parents that because everyone else does it, it must be okay. And we'd spread around a myth that it doesn't harm children--in fact, it could be educational!--and make parents feel like pariahs or freaks for seeking to cut down or eliminate the magic box."
-Video games:BAD.
-Parents have the right to all usernames and passwords for all media sights, etc. They can access internet history whenever, without permission. Oh yea, leave the computer in an open high traffic room.
-Support teachers
-Teach boys to respect girls and women.
-Volunteer, serve, donate and give community service as a family. Do it frequently.
-Take them out of everyday life into a brand new experience. Travel. Visit battlefields, museums, foreign countries, monuments, National Parks, Caves, beaches, mountains, the zoo, the list goes on and on. Great quote in this section by Mark Twain:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Use Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, teachers, neighbors, leaders and mentors for your boys.
-Men, find boys you can mentor. Every boy needs a strong male role model.
-avoid rap music
-lose the swagger, teach humility
-Set college expectations early, bring it up often, get them excited about college sports teams, visit campuses, save money, teach about the cost of education, teach them that it is doable.
-Read read read. Most importantly have Dad read to the boys. Let them see their dad read. Reading is cool and not just for girls. There's a great appendix of books for boys.
-Limit tv/screen time. TV is bad for their brains, manners and social life. Even those educational programs like Sesame Street are basically teaching them to watch tv. Favorite quote from this section:
"In short, if we were child haters and wanted to come up with one magic device that would make them stupid, mean, narcissistic, fat, and sick, we would have invented the television and twenty-first century programming and put them in every home, even in kids' bedrooms (and given them lots of time off from school to sit in front of the box). We'd persuade parents that because everyone else does it, it must be okay. And we'd spread around a myth that it doesn't harm children--in fact, it could be educational!--and make parents feel like pariahs or freaks for seeking to cut down or eliminate the magic box."
-Video games:BAD.
-Parents have the right to all usernames and passwords for all media sights, etc. They can access internet history whenever, without permission. Oh yea, leave the computer in an open high traffic room.
-Support teachers
-Teach boys to respect girls and women.
-Volunteer, serve, donate and give community service as a family. Do it frequently.
-Take them out of everyday life into a brand new experience. Travel. Visit battlefields, museums, foreign countries, monuments, National Parks, Caves, beaches, mountains, the zoo, the list goes on and on. Great quote in this section by Mark Twain:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Use Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, teachers, neighbors, leaders and mentors for your boys.
-Men, find boys you can mentor. Every boy needs a strong male role model.
November 26, 2012
Thank you to the author and Goodreads for this "first read" opportunity.
That said, this one was hit and miss for me. The "ten rules" themselves were solid, though I felt they could have been better served by more real-life examples and stories of families implementing them.
The last thoughts were excellent, including the call to mentor - which incidentally included the exact type of fleshed-out, personal story that could have been used to drive home each of the ten rules.
The first part of the book though, where the challenges that young boys face in today's world are laid out, just did not not resonate with me at all. It's not that the problems don't resonate or aren't real, it just felt like I was being shouted at by a cable news person the whole time. I felt that this part of the book could have toned down the exclamation points and extreme statements and still made the same points.
It took me forever to get through the first part of the book; however the second half came around and made this a worthwile read for me.
That said, this one was hit and miss for me. The "ten rules" themselves were solid, though I felt they could have been better served by more real-life examples and stories of families implementing them.
The last thoughts were excellent, including the call to mentor - which incidentally included the exact type of fleshed-out, personal story that could have been used to drive home each of the ten rules.
The first part of the book though, where the challenges that young boys face in today's world are laid out, just did not not resonate with me at all. It's not that the problems don't resonate or aren't real, it just felt like I was being shouted at by a cable news person the whole time. I felt that this part of the book could have toned down the exclamation points and extreme statements and still made the same points.
It took me forever to get through the first part of the book; however the second half came around and made this a worthwile read for me.
February 4, 2013
Here's my brother's review of this book:
Good suggestions for raising kids in general, not very well written and you are able to get the main ideas of the book in a five minute skim.
I agree with him.
One other complaint - her last "urgent rule" is that you have to take your boy traveling, preferably overseas, in order for him to expand his horizons, better understand other people, etc, etc. That's all well and good if you're rich! She says you can travel inexpensively, which might be true but even traveling super-cheaply is still going to be hundreds of dollars (at least) for two people. I kept waiting for her to suggest taking local field trips but the best she did was suggesting that you visit national and state parks (including saying that it was criminal for a kid to miss seeing a sunset at the Grand Canyon). Sorry, but that rule felt pretty elitist to me without some ideas for how people could carry it out on a true budget.
She did hit hard on how truly terrible and damaging TV watching is for kids and I appreciated that rule the most.
Good suggestions for raising kids in general, not very well written and you are able to get the main ideas of the book in a five minute skim.
I agree with him.
One other complaint - her last "urgent rule" is that you have to take your boy traveling, preferably overseas, in order for him to expand his horizons, better understand other people, etc, etc. That's all well and good if you're rich! She says you can travel inexpensively, which might be true but even traveling super-cheaply is still going to be hundreds of dollars (at least) for two people. I kept waiting for her to suggest taking local field trips but the best she did was suggesting that you visit national and state parks (including saying that it was criminal for a kid to miss seeing a sunset at the Grand Canyon). Sorry, but that rule felt pretty elitist to me without some ideas for how people could carry it out on a true budget.
She did hit hard on how truly terrible and damaging TV watching is for kids and I appreciated that rule the most.
April 4, 2013
I am not a parent or teacher but I thought this was riveting and maddening! Our public school system and criminal justice system need major work.
This is a multi-layered issue that I never even thought about. I would recommend this to any parent but also school administrators, law and policy makers and anyone active in or passionate about social justice. I also loved Lisa Blooms First book 'Think' and will read anything she puts out.
The only place I saw room for improvement was in the recommendation to limit media exposure. Easy enough if you start out parenting that way but if you try to make restrictions to a boy who has free access to all media (games etc.) there will likely be resistance and that wasn't really addressed.
This is a multi-layered issue that I never even thought about. I would recommend this to any parent but also school administrators, law and policy makers and anyone active in or passionate about social justice. I also loved Lisa Blooms First book 'Think' and will read anything she puts out.
The only place I saw room for improvement was in the recommendation to limit media exposure. Easy enough if you start out parenting that way but if you try to make restrictions to a boy who has free access to all media (games etc.) there will likely be resistance and that wasn't really addressed.
May 20, 2012
I loved this book as much if not more than Think. The first part of the book is really tough to get through-only because it is so disheartening to hear, but we must hear it and we must be moved to action. Her suggestions or "rules" take up the second part of the book and everything is so straightforward and common sense. As a teacher, I loved her support of education and teachers in general. A thought-provoking read!
May 7, 2012
I love Lisa's engaging, in-your-face style. While there are some very depressing and sometimes hard to believe stats and facts in this book, she also gives practical, common-sense ideas for raising our boys by our values instead of letting the media and culture raise them. I'm already looking at summer vacation in a whole new light.
December 4, 2014
I agree that we parents of boys these days need to help them succeed, but these "rules" are too generalized. No matter how many statistics you throw at me, I won't agree that college is a must. We already teach our son to be critical of media, encourage reading as a household, and lead by example in the humility department. The tone of the book was a bit like being bullied.
February 5, 2015
I did not like the tone of this book - the author seems disgusted with America as a whole. It was very doom, gloom, and blaming. There was no sound advice. I was really looking for the male equivalent of Queen Bees and Wanna Bees because I have boys that are being picked on. I do not reccommend this book at all.
July 7, 2012
This book really made me think. I will be making some small positive changes in my boys' life. Which will make a big difference in the way they view the world.
May 23, 2012
A must read for any parent, especially parents with boys!
May 30, 2012
If you have a son, are having a son, have a boy in your life, or just care about the future you should read this immediately!!! Especially if you are a man!!!
July 11, 2012
A must read for parents of boys. She has a way of telling is the problems but she goes the next step by giving parents suggestions on how to help our boys.
July 28, 2012
more of an explanation of national problems than of ideas for your boy, but there were 10 good ideas at the end. just ok though
September 28, 2013
I LOVED this book! It was so much fun to read that I couldn't and didn't want to put it down. There are so many things in this book that parents really need to follow but also learn about.
Parenting is a skill and Mrs. Bloom here shows, it's a muscle that really needs to be worked and used daily. No one said parenting was easy and nor should it be. In order to raise respectful citizens of the future there is a lot that goes into building a respectable character. The endless arguing, the tireless bed time routines, and the constant repeating of one's self about doing their chores without being told is something that every parent has to do if they want to ensure that their kids understand what it means to be a responsible individual, and parent at that.
Lisa Bloom dives into the realities of why it is so important to raise little boys into mature responsible men. She talks about how the prisons in America are filled with mostly men who can't read, don't have an education, and have a history of crime. She details the travesties of what that all mean when some of those men are paroled; they end up right back in jail because they can't find work or a place to live.
Along with the poorly managed prison system in America, she goes on to say that all this rap (crap (my words, not her's)) is sending the wrong message to American boys. This is no surprise. I think the example she gave in the book is the best I've read. You wouldn't let your son hangout with guys on the street talking about all the crimes they committed so why would you let them listen to men who have? All those messages feed them the wrong idea of what it means to be a responsible mature male adult.
She goes on to say how it's so important to build reading into your children's lives and this is very true because a child who struggles to read in fourth grade doesn't have a future past high school. Reading is so key to one's development, especially at a young age that it makes you wonder why so many parents' don't do it. Well, for one reason, it's hard. You have to engage your imagination, hold the book so your eyes can focus, keep track of the characters and what they are saying, then turn the page; it's a nightmare. And if you believe all that, you need to race your child over to a library ASAP and find some help on reading. Make library trips a regular routine and never tell your child that your not interested in reading. If you've had a long day at work and your child runs up to you and sits in your lap asking you to read them a story, that you've read to them a million times already, you show no sign of complaint, smile and say, "Sure!," and start from page 1.
The only issue I had with the story, that didn't really bother me that much, was the idea of no TV all together. The example she used was what her brother and sister-in-law did. They got rid of their TV but still had Netflix so that their kids could still relate to movies and TV shows that their friends were watching, which I thought was a great balance. I think it's very important to get your kids involved in TV shows that they can follow along with. I know this is a shock for most parents but it's true. When a child is taught how to watch and understand movies and TV shows (which I have never seen done before), they are actually more engaging than books because it requires the child to keep track of the arc of the show, the individual story lines, characters, and social interaction. Seeing actors interact with one another helps a child understand how certain situations are dealt with and as long as the show is of proper grounding (like Roseanne, Home Improvement, The Wonder Years, The Cosbys, Boy Meets World, Freaks and Geeks) then they will understand how to handle themselves in those situations. Having limits on TV time is a great idea but if your child is interested in watching a show (shows like Tosh.o, reality TV or anything housewives don't count; instead shows like Modern Family, Glee, The Middle, Full House, Last Man Standing are), watch it with them so you have something else to talk about. It's a great bonding experience.
I know this mark is true for the author but I will mention that for a lot of the references that she placed throughout the book (bible quotes which I don't have a problem with), but I think it is important to start acknowledging that some boys like boys. She added in parts that always meant that if you don't have anything to talk about, girls are a great topic. Be aware that some boys don't, they might want to talk about boys instead but are too shy or scared because of how society has created such a harsh reaction. Remember your the adult, you set the proper correct example and shield them from any bullying. So if that is what they want to talk about, then let them pour their little hearts out to you about it without any second judging. Incase you don't know, most girls and boys start to know by age 8 if they have some kind of attraction to the same-sex or not, so don't make it harder on them or confuse them with propaganda that it's wrong to have those thoughts. It's hard enough being a teenager in America, so don't make it any harder than it has to be.
Reading, talking, social engagement, outdoor fun, and civic responsibilities are all things that more parents need to role model for their children because they need to understand what all is involved in living in this world. I think one of the greatest examples of family time that I read in the news recently was this family who wanted to visit all 50 states while their kids were still kids. So they sold their house, bought an RV and traveled to all 50 states and visited all the important points of interests in each state. The time spent together, the memories they created, and all the new people they met along the way is perhaps the best way to grow a child's interest in American culture and history, while at the same time engaging their reading skills (because they did a lot of home-schooled work on the RV), and education. I don't think anything beats that in terms of family time.
So if you have a boy then you need to sit down and enjoy this book. Take it slow. I didn't because I read this stuff all the time and keep up with the latest research since I work with boys which is why I breezed right through this one. But for a parent who's background is not child development, don't take the lazy road and think that I don't need to read a book like this. Every parent with boys needs to read it because it is so important to understand how to raise children properly, especially boys. Their egos are very fragile and even though they like to act tough, because that is the image society tells them that they are supposed to have (especially those macho-man dads - which is actually very damaging)), they really are very soft and gentle. They want someone to listen to their hard day at school, they need a shoulder to cry on and most importantly, they need parents (whether they are mom and dad or dad and dad or mom and mom) who will give them unconditional love and support no matter what.
Parenting is a skill and Mrs. Bloom here shows, it's a muscle that really needs to be worked and used daily. No one said parenting was easy and nor should it be. In order to raise respectful citizens of the future there is a lot that goes into building a respectable character. The endless arguing, the tireless bed time routines, and the constant repeating of one's self about doing their chores without being told is something that every parent has to do if they want to ensure that their kids understand what it means to be a responsible individual, and parent at that.
Lisa Bloom dives into the realities of why it is so important to raise little boys into mature responsible men. She talks about how the prisons in America are filled with mostly men who can't read, don't have an education, and have a history of crime. She details the travesties of what that all mean when some of those men are paroled; they end up right back in jail because they can't find work or a place to live.
Along with the poorly managed prison system in America, she goes on to say that all this rap (crap (my words, not her's)) is sending the wrong message to American boys. This is no surprise. I think the example she gave in the book is the best I've read. You wouldn't let your son hangout with guys on the street talking about all the crimes they committed so why would you let them listen to men who have? All those messages feed them the wrong idea of what it means to be a responsible mature male adult.
She goes on to say how it's so important to build reading into your children's lives and this is very true because a child who struggles to read in fourth grade doesn't have a future past high school. Reading is so key to one's development, especially at a young age that it makes you wonder why so many parents' don't do it. Well, for one reason, it's hard. You have to engage your imagination, hold the book so your eyes can focus, keep track of the characters and what they are saying, then turn the page; it's a nightmare. And if you believe all that, you need to race your child over to a library ASAP and find some help on reading. Make library trips a regular routine and never tell your child that your not interested in reading. If you've had a long day at work and your child runs up to you and sits in your lap asking you to read them a story, that you've read to them a million times already, you show no sign of complaint, smile and say, "Sure!," and start from page 1.
The only issue I had with the story, that didn't really bother me that much, was the idea of no TV all together. The example she used was what her brother and sister-in-law did. They got rid of their TV but still had Netflix so that their kids could still relate to movies and TV shows that their friends were watching, which I thought was a great balance. I think it's very important to get your kids involved in TV shows that they can follow along with. I know this is a shock for most parents but it's true. When a child is taught how to watch and understand movies and TV shows (which I have never seen done before), they are actually more engaging than books because it requires the child to keep track of the arc of the show, the individual story lines, characters, and social interaction. Seeing actors interact with one another helps a child understand how certain situations are dealt with and as long as the show is of proper grounding (like Roseanne, Home Improvement, The Wonder Years, The Cosbys, Boy Meets World, Freaks and Geeks) then they will understand how to handle themselves in those situations. Having limits on TV time is a great idea but if your child is interested in watching a show (shows like Tosh.o, reality TV or anything housewives don't count; instead shows like Modern Family, Glee, The Middle, Full House, Last Man Standing are), watch it with them so you have something else to talk about. It's a great bonding experience.
I know this mark is true for the author but I will mention that for a lot of the references that she placed throughout the book (bible quotes which I don't have a problem with), but I think it is important to start acknowledging that some boys like boys. She added in parts that always meant that if you don't have anything to talk about, girls are a great topic. Be aware that some boys don't, they might want to talk about boys instead but are too shy or scared because of how society has created such a harsh reaction. Remember your the adult, you set the proper correct example and shield them from any bullying. So if that is what they want to talk about, then let them pour their little hearts out to you about it without any second judging. Incase you don't know, most girls and boys start to know by age 8 if they have some kind of attraction to the same-sex or not, so don't make it harder on them or confuse them with propaganda that it's wrong to have those thoughts. It's hard enough being a teenager in America, so don't make it any harder than it has to be.
Reading, talking, social engagement, outdoor fun, and civic responsibilities are all things that more parents need to role model for their children because they need to understand what all is involved in living in this world. I think one of the greatest examples of family time that I read in the news recently was this family who wanted to visit all 50 states while their kids were still kids. So they sold their house, bought an RV and traveled to all 50 states and visited all the important points of interests in each state. The time spent together, the memories they created, and all the new people they met along the way is perhaps the best way to grow a child's interest in American culture and history, while at the same time engaging their reading skills (because they did a lot of home-schooled work on the RV), and education. I don't think anything beats that in terms of family time.
So if you have a boy then you need to sit down and enjoy this book. Take it slow. I didn't because I read this stuff all the time and keep up with the latest research since I work with boys which is why I breezed right through this one. But for a parent who's background is not child development, don't take the lazy road and think that I don't need to read a book like this. Every parent with boys needs to read it because it is so important to understand how to raise children properly, especially boys. Their egos are very fragile and even though they like to act tough, because that is the image society tells them that they are supposed to have (especially those macho-man dads - which is actually very damaging)), they really are very soft and gentle. They want someone to listen to their hard day at school, they need a shoulder to cry on and most importantly, they need parents (whether they are mom and dad or dad and dad or mom and mom) who will give them unconditional love and support no matter what.
December 8, 2019
As a single mom of a 13 year old boy, I am soaking up any advice I can get on raising a teenage boy. This is NOT easy! Lisa Bloom does an excellent job of stating (very clearly - no holding back) what is wrong with the world our boys face today. Then she outlines key components to helping your son through the teenage trenches. She has other books about girls and parenting, and I want to read all of them now. Great writer. I finished this book in 2 days.
January 12, 2023
Well written and could be useful to some but I did not find it helpful.
January 1, 2025
I quit reading because it’s just a whining book about everything wrong with America and how much better other countries are. I made it through 25% of it and I never found anything worth reading.
February 3, 2013
Full disclosure: I received a copy of this book through First Reads. I can't believe it took me this long to get around to reading it! I guess that's a good sign that I had too many other good things to read!
This book comes in two parts. The first part is Bloom's take on all of the problems facing boys right now. First, she takes aim at the failing education system in this country that is really suffering from reduced funding, crumbling buildings, and a general cultural trend that does not value education. In particular, she is disturbed by the literacy rates and college completion rates in the United States. Then she looks at the economy where again lots of our infrastructure is crumbling and traditionally "male" or low education job opportunities in manufacturing are harder and harder to find. Then she looks at the "thug" culture in the media of boys having to show extreme machismo in their actions and words with values that adore drugs, alcohol, violence, and mistreating women. Finally, she discusses our country's prison problem and the fact that people are incarcerated along racial lines and for comparatively minor drug possessions that cause lasting problems for them once they try to reintegrate into society. The second half of the book repeats these themes, but Bloom is also giving advice on how to raise a boy. She advocates teaching him critical thinking so that he can analyze the attitudes and messages he absorbs. This should also include more eye opening personal experiences with culture and travel and less time with noneducational tv shows, games, and internet distractions.
I feel that I can most clearly speak to the education messages in her book because I don't let have a son, but I do teach plenty of boys in my classes at a diverse school. I know first hand that the statements she is making about school funding, school fees, crumbling buildings with poor environments, and food lunches are true. Nearly everyone teaching in my department is sick with some sort of chronic sinus infection because of poor air quality, but the administration refuses to have it checked. I see so many students that consider a container of french fries or worse their "lunch". Furthermore, schools look so institutional and at least for me I can do little to change the look and feel of the classrooms and halls. I am teaching older students, but it is primarily boys that get labeled with ADD/ADHD and I'm sure that stigma has effected their attitudes since an early age. I personally feel it would be criminal to deprive students of recess and gym time from younger ages to older ages. It makes such a difference in behavior for these students. Finally, I loved her message about supporting teachers. I can tell you it is 100% true that teachers do not get the support they need from parents. When we try to point out deficiencies in student behavior often we are blamed as the "bad guy" and the parent sides with their child. The message we constantly receive is "well, you need to do more" instead of turning to their child and saying "you need to do more". The lack of responsibility that parents expect from their children is appalling and students bring that with them into the classroom where they feel that they are entitled to a lot and don't have to put any effort in return. If parents helped us, I strongly feel there would be a big difference in our schools. My wish is the same as Bloom's: "I wish my country valued education."
I have not widely researched any of Blooms claims, but I did feel that especially in first half she was deliberately choosing basically the worse examples to demonstrate her message and it leaves you feeling hopeless about everything. The worst economic news, the worst lyrics from the worst rap songs, etc. Clearly she has a strong point of view that she wants you to share, but I think you should balance it with your own feelings about the subject. She continues to talk about extremes in the second half such as her brother's family that does not own a tv which would bother many people. I agree that all uses of electronics should really be closely monitored by the parents, but I feel a lot of students would be ostracized if they had little or no contact with any of the culture of the peers. A lot of her advice is a bit over the top, too, and I got a good laugh about how insistent about books she was suggesting you should be (let's read them in line for groceries!). I also felt the chapter on traveling all over the world to give you children experiences was out of touch. That is not reasonable for a large majority of the population. I think the best message to take away from all her rules is simply to be involved in your boy's life and lead by example.
This book comes in two parts. The first part is Bloom's take on all of the problems facing boys right now. First, she takes aim at the failing education system in this country that is really suffering from reduced funding, crumbling buildings, and a general cultural trend that does not value education. In particular, she is disturbed by the literacy rates and college completion rates in the United States. Then she looks at the economy where again lots of our infrastructure is crumbling and traditionally "male" or low education job opportunities in manufacturing are harder and harder to find. Then she looks at the "thug" culture in the media of boys having to show extreme machismo in their actions and words with values that adore drugs, alcohol, violence, and mistreating women. Finally, she discusses our country's prison problem and the fact that people are incarcerated along racial lines and for comparatively minor drug possessions that cause lasting problems for them once they try to reintegrate into society. The second half of the book repeats these themes, but Bloom is also giving advice on how to raise a boy. She advocates teaching him critical thinking so that he can analyze the attitudes and messages he absorbs. This should also include more eye opening personal experiences with culture and travel and less time with noneducational tv shows, games, and internet distractions.
I feel that I can most clearly speak to the education messages in her book because I don't let have a son, but I do teach plenty of boys in my classes at a diverse school. I know first hand that the statements she is making about school funding, school fees, crumbling buildings with poor environments, and food lunches are true. Nearly everyone teaching in my department is sick with some sort of chronic sinus infection because of poor air quality, but the administration refuses to have it checked. I see so many students that consider a container of french fries or worse their "lunch". Furthermore, schools look so institutional and at least for me I can do little to change the look and feel of the classrooms and halls. I am teaching older students, but it is primarily boys that get labeled with ADD/ADHD and I'm sure that stigma has effected their attitudes since an early age. I personally feel it would be criminal to deprive students of recess and gym time from younger ages to older ages. It makes such a difference in behavior for these students. Finally, I loved her message about supporting teachers. I can tell you it is 100% true that teachers do not get the support they need from parents. When we try to point out deficiencies in student behavior often we are blamed as the "bad guy" and the parent sides with their child. The message we constantly receive is "well, you need to do more" instead of turning to their child and saying "you need to do more". The lack of responsibility that parents expect from their children is appalling and students bring that with them into the classroom where they feel that they are entitled to a lot and don't have to put any effort in return. If parents helped us, I strongly feel there would be a big difference in our schools. My wish is the same as Bloom's: "I wish my country valued education."
I have not widely researched any of Blooms claims, but I did feel that especially in first half she was deliberately choosing basically the worse examples to demonstrate her message and it leaves you feeling hopeless about everything. The worst economic news, the worst lyrics from the worst rap songs, etc. Clearly she has a strong point of view that she wants you to share, but I think you should balance it with your own feelings about the subject. She continues to talk about extremes in the second half such as her brother's family that does not own a tv which would bother many people. I agree that all uses of electronics should really be closely monitored by the parents, but I feel a lot of students would be ostracized if they had little or no contact with any of the culture of the peers. A lot of her advice is a bit over the top, too, and I got a good laugh about how insistent about books she was suggesting you should be (let's read them in line for groceries!). I also felt the chapter on traveling all over the world to give you children experiences was out of touch. That is not reasonable for a large majority of the population. I think the best message to take away from all her rules is simply to be involved in your boy's life and lead by example.
January 13, 2024
A friend of a friend recommended this book when he heard I taught in an urban school. While it was interesting to read this as a teacher, it's really aimed at parents, and even then, I'd pass it on with one major recommendation: skip or skim the entire first half of the book, reading only what's interesting or relevant to your or your son. (I focused on the music and prison portions.) That being said, she has some excellent arguments for taking off the parenting autopilot and making some changes that could dramatically impact your son and his future.
Lisa Bloom divides the book roughly in half. Part one: "The Forces Aligned Against Your Boy"; part two: "10 Rules for Raising Boys Right Now" (is that "right now" as in "at this time" or how to raise boys correctly "at this time"?).
Part one is an onslaught of numbers and figures and emotionally charged rants (pathos, anyone?) about various issues that Bloom deems important, some of which actually affect boys. For example, she devotes 50 pages to education in chapter one, discussing funding, the growing gender divide, cost of extracurricular activities, rising costs of college, etc. I can get how this might affect the way you raise boys, but the last 10 chapters of this already too long section are mostly political commentary on a random assortment of issues -- civil rights, the environment, world poverty, birth control. What this has to do with raising boys, I have no idea. At this point, I almost stopped reading.
Chapter two is 16 pages on the economy and jobs.
Chapter three: thug culture.
Chapter four: prison numbers.
I found those last two to be by far the most helpful and interesting, especially for the population of boys that I teach.
Part two is the more practical and therefore the more interesting and useful part of the book. 10 suggestions she makes for parents, some of which I'll warn you now are pretty radical. The following will give you an example of both her writing style (rather inflammatory, emotional, and extreme at times) and her ideas.
On TV: "In short, if we were child haters and wanted to come up with one magic devise that would make them stupid, mean, narcissistic, fat, and sick, we would have invented the television and 21st century programming and put them in every home..." (151).
Questions to ask to teach your son media literacy (adapted from the Center for Media Literacy):
1. Who created this message?
2. What techniques are used to attract my attention?
3. How might different people understand this message differently from me?
4. What lifestyles, values, and points of view are represented in or omitted from this message?
5. Why was this message sent?
On dealing with teachers:
"Teachers are professionals and spend a lot of time with your boy. They see him in an entirely different environment than you do ... School stimulates, challenges, annoys, and excites your boy ... So of course he behaves differently there. Thus, when your son's teacher tells you he acted up in class ... or he's mouthing off, believe it... do not turn to your son and say, "Is this true?" It is true. The teacher just said so. He's not in the business of making up stories about [kids]" (174).
Lisa Bloom divides the book roughly in half. Part one: "The Forces Aligned Against Your Boy"; part two: "10 Rules for Raising Boys Right Now" (is that "right now" as in "at this time" or how to raise boys correctly "at this time"?).
Part one is an onslaught of numbers and figures and emotionally charged rants (pathos, anyone?) about various issues that Bloom deems important, some of which actually affect boys. For example, she devotes 50 pages to education in chapter one, discussing funding, the growing gender divide, cost of extracurricular activities, rising costs of college, etc. I can get how this might affect the way you raise boys, but the last 10 chapters of this already too long section are mostly political commentary on a random assortment of issues -- civil rights, the environment, world poverty, birth control. What this has to do with raising boys, I have no idea. At this point, I almost stopped reading.
Chapter two is 16 pages on the economy and jobs.
Chapter three: thug culture.
Chapter four: prison numbers.
I found those last two to be by far the most helpful and interesting, especially for the population of boys that I teach.
Part two is the more practical and therefore the more interesting and useful part of the book. 10 suggestions she makes for parents, some of which I'll warn you now are pretty radical. The following will give you an example of both her writing style (rather inflammatory, emotional, and extreme at times) and her ideas.
On TV: "In short, if we were child haters and wanted to come up with one magic devise that would make them stupid, mean, narcissistic, fat, and sick, we would have invented the television and 21st century programming and put them in every home..." (151).
Questions to ask to teach your son media literacy (adapted from the Center for Media Literacy):
1. Who created this message?
2. What techniques are used to attract my attention?
3. How might different people understand this message differently from me?
4. What lifestyles, values, and points of view are represented in or omitted from this message?
5. Why was this message sent?
On dealing with teachers:
"Teachers are professionals and spend a lot of time with your boy. They see him in an entirely different environment than you do ... School stimulates, challenges, annoys, and excites your boy ... So of course he behaves differently there. Thus, when your son's teacher tells you he acted up in class ... or he's mouthing off, believe it... do not turn to your son and say, "Is this true?" It is true. The teacher just said so. He's not in the business of making up stories about [kids]" (174).
September 4, 2012
listened to it, read it, listened to it a second time, to I am reading it again -- all in the course of 2 weeks
what a scary, insightful, mind bending, reality altering book on how we (modern America and Culture) in America have manipulated our young black males
powerful, insightful, tragic and most importantly, ACTIONABLE,
what an absolutely captivating, well documented, detailed list of issues in a fascinating STORY about what our young black males face.
as a pediatrician, I see all too often the beliefs the young black male espouses - with his (usually) mother siting there nodding as I point out the fallacies:
****He is NOT going to be the next Michael Jordon/LeBron James.
****His thug culture is not the answer to a life long success story.
****His future is not music/rap and singing about rape and murder, or
****His future is not more innocently basketball.
*** His future IS education.
The mothers are sad; the kids are angry (and ignorant). The dad's are in general, no where to be found.
We talk (I wish ~~~I~~~ were listening, but, there would be silence) -- and I say "come back in a few weeks" (or later this week, or tomorrow....or ..... when can you come back???) so we can talk again.
Think about what I said; Think about the questions I asked.
Think about where you see yourself in 1, 5 10 years.
Ask questions, ask your teachers, ask your friends, ask your mother, ask your father.
Invariably, they don't show up next week.... BUT I am exited (that usually) they DO show up -- albeit, next year.
But nothing is different, except (thank God) they are a year older and not a father, nor do they have HIV, nor are they in jail/probation or involved in the criminal justice system.
This book is REALITY and it is spectacular. It is insightful.
It DOES address issues we do NOT want to confront. It EVEN address the issues that the Jesse Jackson's / NAACP / Al Sharpton's etc, etc, etc (and others) in our society should address, but do NOT address as it is NOT expedient.
an entire generation of our population is being cast aside, yet they still exist and their children and broken families will still exist. what is to become of them???
The CASTE system?????
read the ENTIRE book, before one develops an opinion -- and, yes, even those libertarian, conservative, pull your self up by the bootstrap adults (like me), will be looking and asking what can we do for this lost generation of children/adults
our country's future depends on it
what a scary, insightful, mind bending, reality altering book on how we (modern America and Culture) in America have manipulated our young black males
powerful, insightful, tragic and most importantly, ACTIONABLE,
what an absolutely captivating, well documented, detailed list of issues in a fascinating STORY about what our young black males face.
as a pediatrician, I see all too often the beliefs the young black male espouses - with his (usually) mother siting there nodding as I point out the fallacies:
****He is NOT going to be the next Michael Jordon/LeBron James.
****His thug culture is not the answer to a life long success story.
****His future is not music/rap and singing about rape and murder, or
****His future is not more innocently basketball.
*** His future IS education.
The mothers are sad; the kids are angry (and ignorant). The dad's are in general, no where to be found.
We talk (I wish ~~~I~~~ were listening, but, there would be silence) -- and I say "come back in a few weeks" (or later this week, or tomorrow....or ..... when can you come back???) so we can talk again.
Think about what I said; Think about the questions I asked.
Think about where you see yourself in 1, 5 10 years.
Ask questions, ask your teachers, ask your friends, ask your mother, ask your father.
Invariably, they don't show up next week.... BUT I am exited (that usually) they DO show up -- albeit, next year.
But nothing is different, except (thank God) they are a year older and not a father, nor do they have HIV, nor are they in jail/probation or involved in the criminal justice system.
This book is REALITY and it is spectacular. It is insightful.
It DOES address issues we do NOT want to confront. It EVEN address the issues that the Jesse Jackson's / NAACP / Al Sharpton's etc, etc, etc (and others) in our society should address, but do NOT address as it is NOT expedient.
an entire generation of our population is being cast aside, yet they still exist and their children and broken families will still exist. what is to become of them???
The CASTE system?????
read the ENTIRE book, before one develops an opinion -- and, yes, even those libertarian, conservative, pull your self up by the bootstrap adults (like me), will be looking and asking what can we do for this lost generation of children/adults
our country's future depends on it
November 12, 2012
Another excellent, thought-provoking, mind-shifting book from Lisa Bloom. I would recommend this for parents of boys AND girls, as a lot in the book applies to both. Also, as a parent of girls, don't you want to know how to help nurture the boys that surround your girls? The points Lisa makes about reading and education were things I had inklings of from teaching, but it was amazing to hear the actual statistics about differences in wages, the ability to secure and retain a job, etc. added more fuel to that fire. Also the links between reading and future success (and lack of jail time) were amazing. The topic of the over-criminalization of black boys and men in our nation was appalling to me and made me want to research more on that topic. I never realized the long-term consequences for someone who has done even very little jail time, in the way of fines to repay, lack of citizenship rights, the inability to secure low-income housing, etc. How do we expect anyone to ever recover and not become a repeat offender? And as someone who has always believed strongly in the need for tough drug laws, this book really made me question if we are attacking that problem the right way. Lisa restated in this book a lot of things from Think about the lack of educational funding and the insane amount of money we spend on prisons and keeping our boys in them. How more backward could we get?
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